hey there,

Ever heard of the term extrovert or introvert ?

Ever experienced social anxiety ?

I felt like an introvert for the longest time until I was

Introduced to the “wounded extrovert” concept.

An outgoing person who got disappointed and hurt a little too often and then lives like an introverted person but not by nature but guided by resentment and wanting to avoid people.

Making conclusions about ourselves after something hurtful happens to us is perfectly normal but do we have to live by them for the rest of our life ?

Maybe you are an extrovert who needs to learn how to set boundaries again and how to express yourself fearlessly again.

Bruce Lee was my biggest inspiration here :)

Enjoy this episode

with love

Aurora

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Free yourself from the ongoing destructive inner chatter become the strongest most authentic version of yourself.

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Unknown: 00:00:12

Hello,

Unknown: 00:00:13

and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

Unknown: 00:00:17

Aurora. And I'm very happy to be spending some time with you

Unknown: 00:00:21

today. I hope you're doing well. I just came home from a long

Unknown: 00:00:27

winter walk. Still very cold here in Canada. So my nose is a

Unknown: 00:00:31

little stuffed up. But I think it will clear as soon as I talk

Unknown: 00:00:37

myself warm here. Yeah, today I want to talk about introverts

Unknown: 00:00:43

extra words, social anxiety alone time. I feel there's a

Unknown: 00:00:52

couple people out there who call themselves introverts. And their

Unknown: 00:00:58

nature is not really introverted. They're just

Unknown: 00:01:02

extroverts who went through some stuff and feel heard and shame

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and resentment towards people. And they're kind of hiding,

Unknown: 00:01:15

avoiding and social situations they're trying to, yeah, control

Unknown: 00:01:22

the situation and

Unknown: 00:01:26

be?

Unknown: 00:01:29

Yeah,

Unknown: 00:01:30

how do I put it into words? Be very short. So I know I've been

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socially anxious for many, many years. And I always like after

Unknown: 00:01:44

two hours. I always need a break from people and needed to be by

Unknown: 00:01:50

myself again. And sometimes also didn't really feel comfortable

Unknown: 00:01:58

in a group setting for me, a one on ones were always best. And I

Unknown: 00:02:04

listened to that podcast at some point where she says, You don't

Unknown: 00:02:09

really need alone time, you don't need much time with

Unknown: 00:02:13

yourself to recharge your batteries. There's a certain

Unknown: 00:02:18

amount of time that is good and healthy. But if you go over that

Unknown: 00:02:22

time, it's really a sign that you're not comfortable, being

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authentic with people. And just think about it, if you could go

Unknown: 00:02:33

out there and be the person you are. When you are with yourself,

Unknown: 00:02:40

you wouldn't need much time off from people, you could be around

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people all the time. Because you could be yourself. What is so

Unknown: 00:02:49

extremely exhausting, as to having to put a mask on is to

Unknown: 00:02:54

having to listen or endure situations when we could simply

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set boundaries and be very clear with how we want to be

Unknown: 00:03:04

communicated with. And it was such an eye opening moment for

Unknown: 00:03:11

me. That's why I want to share it with you. When she said that

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because up until then I thought yeah, I was pretty extroverted

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as a child, and then I became more introverted, I had my

Unknown: 00:03:23

experiences, and they kind of shaped me so intensely, that I'm

Unknown: 00:03:28

an introverted personal and I will be for the rest of my life.

Unknown: 00:03:33

So see what I was doing there. I was letting my ego my monkey

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mind rule my world, and define my behavior, my social behavior,

Unknown: 00:03:45

and let it shape me. And when I listened to that podcast, all of

Unknown: 00:03:52

a sudden, I realized, Oh, my God, this is exactly what I'm

Unknown: 00:03:55

doing. I go and meet up with friends, or I'm open to meet new

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people, but only under very certain conditions. And

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afterwards, I'm always so exhausted and annoyed and

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resentful that I need like a three week holiday afterwards.

Unknown: 00:04:20

And then I started to notice Okay, what is it that I'm doing

Unknown: 00:04:23

that exhausts myself? That makes me feel Yeah, bad after

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socializing. And I observed myself more and more and was

Unknown: 00:04:36

realizing Okay, yeah, sometimes when people over explain or

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story toppings, you know, when you explain something to

Unknown: 00:04:46

someone, give them a situation and then they come with a

Unknown: 00:04:52

similar situation, and it's twice the length of your story

Unknown: 00:04:56

and you feel like okay, well, did you really listen to my

Unknown: 00:04:59

story? Or were you just waiting Your turn? And so I learn slowly

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but surely to. Yeah, see these things, observe these things.

Unknown: 00:05:14

And I'm still at the point where I don't really know how to

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express myself and how to tell people okay, this is something

Unknown: 00:05:24

I'm not really interested in listening. And can we talk about

Unknown: 00:05:28

something else? Or can we go for a walk now, because sitting here

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and talking makes me feel kind of trapped or something. So I,

Unknown: 00:05:42

for instance, feel trapped very easily. But I used to just

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relieve and find an excuse to make the conversation short, or

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the meetups short. And now I just tell people, hey, I need

Unknown: 00:05:59

something else. Now, do you want to join me for bicycle ride? Or

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do you want to go swimming? So slowly, but surely, it makes me

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a way more social being, and it makes me feel very, very good,

Unknown: 00:06:13

because I also feel that I can be authentic and really express

Unknown: 00:06:18

myself. And the beauty of that is that people also get to know

Unknown: 00:06:23

me and know, our Aurora is not avoiding us. Aurora doesn't want

Unknown: 00:06:28

to keep us on a distance.

Unknown: 00:06:30

She just needs. Yeah, a little bit of diversity, maybe a little

Unknown: 00:06:35

bit of ADHD going on there, which is beautiful. We all need

Unknown: 00:06:41

like stimulation. And yeah, things that bring us joy, expand

Unknown: 00:06:48

our soul. And it is beautiful to see that in the other person.

Unknown: 00:06:54

And to know that the other person wants us to be part of

Unknown: 00:06:58

it. I think a lot of times, my friends felt I didn't want to

Unknown: 00:07:02

spend as much time with them. I was very secretive. And I was

Unknown: 00:07:08

and it was not that I didn't like my girlfriends, it was that

Unknown: 00:07:13

I needed a different stimulation. So if you observe

Unknown: 00:07:20

that in yourself, maybe you call yourself an introvert and maybe

Unknown: 00:07:25

I was able now to make you realize that maybe you're a

Unknown: 00:07:29

little more extroverted. And maybe you're very good with

Unknown: 00:07:32

people, yet, you are not very honest with yourself and with

Unknown: 00:07:37

them. And that's something you can learn. You can learn to be

Unknown: 00:07:42

more expressive again, and more authentic. And you will see that

Unknown: 00:07:48

it will save you so much energy and make you feel so good. A

Unknown: 00:07:53

very good friend of mine, for instance, when she invites

Unknown: 00:07:58

people to her house, she always has coffee and cake and is like

Unknown: 00:08:03

the super host. And I don't know if like I know, I don't do that.

Unknown: 00:08:11

And I couldn't do it. My friends don't expect that from me. And

Unknown: 00:08:17

that some at some point, sorry. She said, Yeah, I wanted to

Unknown: 00:08:22

invite my girlfriend. And then I told her, you bring your own

Unknown: 00:08:25

cake today. And we can only make tea and it maybe came across a

Unknown: 00:08:30

little rough. But I was so proud of her, at the same time that

Unknown: 00:08:35

she was able to set that boundary and that she

Unknown: 00:08:38

communicated to her friend, hey, I want to connect with you. I

Unknown: 00:08:42

want to see you. But I want to keep it simple. And I don't want

Unknown: 00:08:46

all that fuss around it because I'm exhausted. So can we please

Unknown: 00:08:53

keep it low key and then everything is fine. The most

Unknown: 00:08:57

important thing is that we let people know that we want to

Unknown: 00:09:01

connect with them and want to be in touch with them. And then

Unknown: 00:09:08

they should be pretty cool and lean back with whatever you got

Unknown: 00:09:11

to offer. And everybody is happy. So yeah, reflect about

Unknown: 00:09:17

this a little bit about your introverted ness, extroverted

Unknown: 00:09:22

ness and your social anxiety. Social Anxiety is a major

Unknown: 00:09:28

complex topic. I can only say that the more you know that

Unknown: 00:09:34

you're good with yourself, you know yourself and you express

Unknown: 00:09:38

yourself honestly, the better you feel, and the more you will

Unknown: 00:09:43

attract people into your life that are good for you and who

Unknown: 00:09:48

understand you. Thank you so much for listening to the

Unknown: 00:09:52

Borealis experience today. I'm your host Aurora. And yeah, I'm

Unknown: 00:09:58

just incredibly grateful. ought to be out here serving you,

Unknown: 00:10:03

giving you peace, maybe some joy, and maybe help you to get

Unknown: 00:10:08

to know yourself better and to be a happier person out there.