In this episode, family law attorney Whitney Antoniono shares expert insights on navigating family court, custody issues, domestic violence concerns, and legal strategies for parents. Discover practical advice for protecting your rights and understanding the legal landscape during challenging family transitions.

KEY TOPICS:

•Navigating family court and protective orders

•Recognizing patterns of domestic violence

•Legal strategies for custody and safety

•The importance of legal education and self-representation

About Whitney Antoniono: Whitney L. Antoniono, Esquire, is a family law attorney and founder of WLA Family Law, based in Washington, DC, and serving clients throughout DC and Maryland. Whitney is known for her client-focused approach and her ability to break down complex legal issues into clear, practical guidance. Through her growing social media presence—reaching tens of thousands—she provides educational, accessible content on divorce, custody, and family law to help individuals navigate difficult transitions with confidence. Her work focuses on empowering clients with knowledge, ensuring they are informed and involved at every stage of the legal process. With a strong commitment to both legal excellence and compassion, Whitney advocates tirelessly for the best possible outcomes for her clients and their families. https://wlafamilylaw.com

About Ali Kessler: Ali Kessler is a writer, marketing professional, passionate parent advocate, and founder of Greyson’s Choice, a 501(c)(3) created to raise awareness about the risk of domestic abuse on children. Greyson’s Choice was founded by Ali Kessler in memory of her sweet, vibrant, and fearless 4.5-year-old son, Greyson, who was murdered by his biological father in a murder-suicide during an unsupervised, court-approved visit in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, in 2021. This came just hours after her petition for a domestic violence injunction was denied by a Broward County judge, citing that the “petitioner has failed to allege any overt acts by the respondent which would constitute domestic violence under Florida Statute.”

Ali’s advocacy efforts culminated in successfully passing Greyson’s Law during the 2023 legislative session. This bill now requires the court to consider threats against ex-partners or spouses when making child visitation and custody determinations in the court, expanding to include the following factors: evidence of domestic violence, whether a parent in the past or currently has reasonable cause to believe that they or a minor child is, or has been in imminent danger of becoming the victim of domestic/sexual violence by the other parent, even if no other legal action has been brought or is currently pending in court.

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Whitney Antoniono Podcast

Her work focuses on helping people understand their rights, navigate the legal system, and make informed decisions during some of the most overwhelming moments of their lives. In today's episode, we're talking about how to represent yourself in family court, why some custody cases fall apart, and practical steps you can take to better protect yourself and your children.

So thank you so much, Whitney, for joining us today and coming on and sharing all your law expertise with us.

Whitney Antoniono: Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

make the right

Whitney Antoniono: decisions. I see you in so many of my clients, and so it's good to give this education out to people that really need it.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. Absolutely. And I'm sure, every state has different laws, but-

...

Ali Kessler: We all need better safety laws for, or child safety laws in every state because- Yeah

All the people that I speak with, it's global. I don't even wanna say national. It's across the world.

Whitney Antoniono: 100%, yeah. And I'm, I, where I practice in DC and Maryland, we don't have Grayson's Law or anything kind of comparable. We have variations of it maybe, but in practice it's not nearly as easy to affect while in family court.

It can just vary by judge, and so that creates such a problem. And so I see the need, absolutely.

Ali Kessler: We still have the problem even with a law. So, like you said, it goes by judge. So what drew you to family law, and what keeps you committed to this work in particular?

I was that child. They said, "She was good at arguing," and so I convinced myself. Although, I would say that's probably not the best indicator of going to law school. But in law school, my last year, I worked for the Legal Aid Society of New York City in the Bronx, and we were representing sex trafficking victims that were charged criminally, erroneously by police officers, were actually victims.

And I learned really quickly that I like advocacy, and that's really what motivates me. Then when I st- started my own firm, it really just naturally weaved into family law as so many issues are just so personal to the actual people, and me being a product of divorce myself, a very high-conflict divorce where I was pushed into the middle of it as a teenager, I think it gives me kind of a unique standpoint of seeing it from the child's lens, which I think really helps my clients.

Ali Kessler: Too, I'm from a divorce home, and know that, it's complicated.

Whitney Antoniono: Very, yeah.

Ali Kessler: And even in- And every family is different, so that's why when I, you, there's all these, blanket, laws, and they're like, "Oh, well, this works for family A, it must work for B, C, D," but-

Whitney Antoniono: Absolutely ...

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah

Ali Kessler: at

Whitney Antoniono: a

Ali Kessler: time And

Whitney Antoniono: I think a huge part of it is education amongst the judges and magistrates in every court on all of these issues. A lot of judges have been on the bench for a long time.

And they might have become familiar with some of these issues, but they truly don't understand the intric- intricacies of it, especially if they haven't dealt with it on their own.

Ali Kessler: Absolutely.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. I always say that it takes a tragedy for a change to happen. Right. So until a judge, you know, has something like that happen it's, you know,

Whitney Antoniono: we-

Ali Kessler: Exactly ... we, we constantly say that we need to get training for these judges, which is part of why we wanted to get Caden's Law into Grayson's Law to have, you know, mandatory judge training.

Whitney Antoniono: Mm-hmm.

Ali Kessler: But it did not go over well with the Florida Bar.

Whitney Antoniono: That's really unfortunate. I will say, at least where I practice, there has been, like, an influx of new judges and new magistrates that are previous family law attorneys, and that was their focus, and I think that has helped a lot.

'

Whitney Antoniono: Cause they have actual expertise in family law.

Ali Kessler: And

Whitney Antoniono: it's really important work, and I think it's really important in a case if somebody has firearms. I can't tell you how many cases I've worked where a firearm has been an issue in regards to a child's access, things like that.

Ali Kessler: When I w- when we were coming up with Greyson's Law, one thing that I really wanted to either put in there or some mention to everyone, it's like when you go through these, mediations or things with your lawyers and these set- settlements for time sharing or even alimony, you have to disclose all of your financials to the other party, right?

They see everything you make, everything you spend. Yet I did not know that there was a firearm in the other parent's home. Think that either way, I'm not saying this is for guns or anti-guns or whatever, either way, I think it should be mandatory that the other parent should know if there is a gun in the home.

Whitney Antoniono: Absolutely. It's something I incorporate when I'm asking discovery in cases, but of course, that's six months into a case when you're asking those questions. And so I think it's should be something that just be a requirement. Yeah, it's just in the

Ali Kessler: know.

Whitney Antoniono: Initial. Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause it q- Yeah ... it's very, very relevant information whenever you're under a really high emotional-

Ali Kessler: 1,000%.

And here in Fl- in Florida, you can't mention the word gun. It, there's no way- That's it ... of getting that added into Greyson's Law. There is no way that that will ever become a law because the minute you say gun, you have NRA people just up your ass. And this is not, again, this isn't for or against them.

This is just- Mm-hmm ... disclosing the information that you have a gun.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah, which in essence- It seems

Ali Kessler: like common

Whitney Antoniono: sense ... it would already be disclosed when you have a license. Yeah.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. So

Whitney Antoniono: I don't know if it changes much, but. Yeah.

legal way or non-legal way.

Whitney Antoniono: But yeah, it is such a common, or it's a tragic thing that happens in cases. I've had some tragic things happen in a handful of cases of mine, and it's something at least I haven't forgotten, and it's definitely directed the direction of my practice so much.

Ali Kessler: Right. So how do you approach cases where there are concerns about safety or domestic violence?

Like when a client comes to you, they're just, someone like me, let's say, just a single mom, has a, the other parent is just difficult. But how do you know even where it begins?

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah. So when navigating domestic violence, when it comes to att- clients coming to me for a divorce or a custody case, I think a lot of the time I don't even hear it firsthand from my clients.

I really start to recognize patterns, and I think that's something so important about why I spend so much time kind of developing a relationship with my clients, because I think a lot of the times there's so much shame and things like that which might keep somebody from being fully transparent about everything going on, even with their divorce attorney.

I've had lots of victims of abuse that have hired me, and then they've decided to reconcile, and it's this really fine line of giving them the best advice so that they can make it out alive, right? And they have the best step forward, but also not isolating them and not telling them, "You must do this and that," because that will very much make them detach from me and no longer see me as a ally or a resource for them.

Say 30% of my cases stem from a protective order case, and at least here in Maryland, for the most part, you can file on yourself, on behalf of yourself as well as your child. Okay. And they're getting better at recognizing when there's ties between just the child being in the house during abuse and the mental implications on the child.

And that oftentimes can be enough of a link to get the protective order to cover both the parent and the child.

Which will create issues with the custody that the court has to focus on and has to figure out. They can't just keep the same custody order if the child's under a protective order, and most often it leads to supervised ac- access, which as long as it's with a neutral party or in a third-party center, I think is a great option during that time of stress.

Now, of course, not every judge does this. Not every judge believes us when we're making all these claims, which is really unfortunate. But the best part of the protective order route is at least for the first two weeks, you have that first initial protective order where you, gives you time to figure something else out.

And get them into safety as soon as possible.

Ali Kessler: And it shows sort of like an action, like a paper trail that you tried to have other things done where down the road.

Now, something that you just said you know, you tried to recognize a pattern. Now, like someone like me that first started, doing all of this with my lawyer, I guess there wasn't overt acts of domestic violence at that time. There were just behaviors. There were red flags.

There were little things here and there that just didn't make sense and didn't add up. So for me, I feel like family lawyers that are working with these types of cases, you know, not just divorce, but family, should actually be trained in domestic violence to notice those patterns that you said that you look for, and red flags, so that way women are like, they're like, "Okay, well, this could be coercive control," right?

It'll die down. It'll get better. Just let's go to mediation, right? They just sort of push like it's just nothing.

Whitney Antoniono: It's similar to judges where they learn the hard way, and that obviously it can't be the solution.

Ali Kessler: So I had four years of these, like, little things that, obviously grew into something bigger.

But I mean, how do you know when something is sort of superficial and when something escalates?

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah. Well, in regards to training, it's become... I think it's a big problem, at least when I practice in Maryland, there's no requirement that lawyers do continuing law education

Ali Kessler: Right Really? Really. I think we have to get continued educ-

Whitney Antoniono: CLEs, I think they call it.

Yeah, yeah. We're re- I'm licensed in New York and Texas as well, where they require that, but Maryland does not. Right. Interesting. And so some of these lawyers that I go up against, especially in family law, I don't know, there's a lot of old school, like, solo practices with people who haven't taken the bar since the seven.

So many lawyers take a consult with a client, and they only ask certain info 'cause they don't wanna get into the weeds of it. Because the issue with family law, when you're in a consult, you'll learn everything about somebody, and sometimes that's maybe not the most time-effective, but there's so many things I learn that the client might just be telling me in jest, but I hear and I go, "That's a red flag."

And there are certain red flags I know a judge will also see as a red flag that I wanna point out. '

Ali Kessler: Cause you don't know what the other parent is saying and what is actually truth, right?

Showing a court that, and that risk factor in itself, I think can absolutely show abuse, especially, well, at least where I practice, mental, emotional abuse is definitely one of the factors in granting a protective order, and it's well-established that way. And so focusing on all of those actions and the potential crisis that it could create is the best way to go forward when that's what's going on and it's not actual physical abuse where you have photos and things like that.

Why

Ali Kessler: do you think it's so hard to get a protective order?

Whitney Antoniono: I think it's because, so first off, in family court, everyone says family court's broken. I don't disagree at all. There's some lawyers will say no, but they're lying. It's obviously not a perfect system. Every judge is so different in family court because they have so much discretion when determining the outcome of a case.

And a lot of times, meet attorneys can get to know judges, but in protective order hearings, oftentimes I don't know who the judge will be. And some protective order judges I might not even be familiar with. I think second, another issue that arises from it is they spend all day, every day hearing people make the same sorts of claims.

Right. The amount of times you hear the word narcissism in family court- Yeah ... is in the dozens. Right. And they, as soon as they hear it, they start to disregard it a little bit more, I think, just innately. 'Cause they're human, and they dealt with people saying that word and it's absolutely nothing. And so they get a little bit of a hardness when it comes to seeing the actual truth behind these cases, just because they hear bogus, like meritless claims for a protective order all the time.

And- It's

Ali Kessler: like

Whitney Antoniono: the boy

Ali Kessler: who cried

Whitney Antoniono: wolf Exactly ... they don't know what

Ali Kessler: to believe There's

It's so, so important, and it just naturally makes judges less inclined to believe the people they are petitioning.

Ali Kessler: I will also say, like, you, when I went to get the, the protective order- Mm-hmm ... that day when Greyson was missing at the course of three days it was denied by, I had three different processes, three different lawyers, I'm sorry, three different judges all in one weekend touch my case, and they weren't DV judges, they weren't family court judges, they were just whoever was on duty at that time was- Right

granting or denying. And, this was the end of the day. I think they just wanted to go to happy hour, and they didn't have the, the training in family. Because I know the, the judge that denied mine was, a woman, and she wasn't a family court li- lawyer. She wasn't ours.

And then the next day, when we tried to get the emergency pickup, it was a different judge.

And that was also denied.

They don't see it as even more urgency. They see it as this person's just trying again- Trouble ... and it has even less merit. And it really puts people in a conundrum because it doesn't mean their first attempt had any less merit than their second, or any difference whatsoever. And courts see that whole history and, and failed protective orders in your history can, even if they're not supposed to consider it, they will when denying a future one 'cause they're like, "This person's- Yeah

gonna be back tomorrow."

Ali Kessler: Just to cause trouble, yeah.

Whitney Antoniono: There's also

Ali Kessler: an- And these judges have immunity, and there's, there's just nothing to be done Mm-hmm. There's not, there's no accountability at the end of the day.

Whitney Antoniono: There's also a big issue with if you're going on the weekend and in a small county where there's...

When I practiced in DC, it's a lot easier on the weekend because they're a lot busier, but in small counties in Maryland, if you're going on the weekend getting a protective order, it's a whole different experience than if you're going midday on a Wednesday.

Ali Kessler: Yeah.

it is when most- Right ... likely for an issue to arise.

Ali Kessler: Yeah, no it's definitely crazy. So what would you say for someone at the very beginning of separation, what are the first steps they should take right away?

Whitney Antoniono: So I always tell my clients, before you even think about your finances, anything like that, you have to determine what's important to you.

Okay. Because ultimately, if you fight about everything, you end up fighting about nothing

Ali Kessler: Pick your battles ...

Whitney Antoniono: exactly. Pick what's the most important to you and focus on that, and pick the areas where it's okay if it is a little bit different than maybe what you ultimately would want. Prioritize, because no divorce you're gonna leave with 100% of everything you want, because just the nature of it is 50/50.

So there's gonna be some loss, no matter how your divorce goes. Even if you, quote-unquote, "win," you'll lose in some areas. There's no 100% win in a divorce. So determining that from the outset is really important. I think, also, when you're meeting with a lawyer and consulting, fully knowing, like, the big picture.

party is the provider.

And oftentimes pe- the reason it's like that, that, it like that, is 'cause it's set, set up with some sorts of control with the provider over the other party and things like that. But figuring that information out, however you do it, however you kinda navigate that, is very important.

And lastly, just picking a good attorney that you actually have a good relationship with.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. Well, I think that's the hard part, 'cause they all seem very nice when you're doing a consultation, and-

Whitney Antoniono: Mm-hmm. It's ...

Ali Kessler: they charge- So it's about money ... a certain amount, and then who, it all ends up being about money in the end of the day.

Ali Kessler: What should people look for when picking a family law attorney? Like, three top things.

Whitney Antoniono: The amount of time that attorney gives you is very- Okay ... very important. If they are rushing you in and out, I think that's a big red flag.

Ali Kessler: Okay.

Whitney Antoniono: I also think if you're wanting a very personal, like, intimate relationship with your divorce attorney or custody attorney, oftentimes it's better to find somebody who specializes in family law.

There's a lot of attorneys that practice all sorts of law. Right. And they maybe do a handful of family law cases a year, but it's not what they do every day. Okay. So, they don't know the judges the same way, they don't have that same ex- experience, and they don't have the same amount of time to dedicate to family law issues.

Ali Kessler: Okay.

Whitney Antoniono: And then it's really kind of a vibe, yeah. If you feel like you trust somebody and that you believe what they're saying to you, and it's not just, like, some elevator pitch, that's really important. You don't wanna hire an attorney who's like a yes man, who's gonna say, "Yes, we can do that that, and that."

Ali Kessler: When you are doing that consultation, I feel like they'll say anything to sort of get the client in, and reel you in, right?

And you think you understand them on that level and, personal and whatnot. But, and then the number one thing that I will tell people to look for is, find an attorney that will fight for you.

Whitney Antoniono: Mm-hmm.

Ali Kessler: Right? Find one that is passionate ab- about what you're asking, not just, doing a timeshare, parental whatever- Yeah

or, you know, a divorce. Find someone that's really going to advocate for you and your children. Yeah. And that's really hard to find.

Whitney Antoniono: I think also another, just thought of it, if an attorney really seems like they need your case, run, because that attorney is probably just opened shop, needs a lot of business, and they will over-litigate your case, and cost you a lot of money with not much to- Right

show for it. And then even if you wanted to change attorneys later on, you may not be able to afford it.

Ali Kessler: How do you feel about attorneys that charge flat fees?

You don't know if your flat fee is way over-paying or way under-paying. And if it is under-paying, just innately the bus- the attorney's in a business where they need to make money. They can't dedicate 70% of their time if they're not getting paid for it, and so there's just that in- innate risk that attorney won't give your case as much time as they would if somebody's billing by the hour.

Ali Kessler: Yeah, I went through that mistake myself.

Whitney Antoniono: See, it's a really common thing, 'cause a flat fee sounds great-

Ali Kessler: Yeah ...

Whitney Antoniono: on paper.

Ali Kessler: Yeah, for a single mom that had no job and just having a newborn, yes.

Whitney Antoniono: It seems like it limits the risk, but I think it has so many risks that come along with it.

Ali Kessler: It 1,000% does, and for anyone listening, you can just contact me and I'll tell you what those risks are.

Whitney Antoniono: And it's better to have an attorney who's willing to work with you financially, and, like, start off maybe with a lower retainer and give you a heads-up "We don't have to do discovery if you can't afford it," and really, really upfront and clear about the financial aspects of divorce. Otherwise, you'll just get somebody who's fine charging you left and right.

Whitney Antoniono: Mm-hmm.

Ali Kessler: But, you know, is there a way that someone can represent themselves?

Whitney Antoniono: I think absolutely, and I would say a good chunk of family court is pro se parties representing- Okay ... themselves. A lot of the content I put on social media has to do with teaching people how to represent themselves.

Ali Kessler: Okay.

Whitney Antoniono: So I have some long tutorials on, like, how to put documents into evidence. Things like that are really, really helpful t- 'cause they're very formulaic, sort of procedural things that you just have to know, otherwise the judge won't see your evidence, and it won't matter.

And so they sometimes will kinda lead you along, help you, and they will give you a little bit more time than they would afford an attorney in that

Ali Kessler: situation. But do they think it's, like, less serious?

Whitney Antoniono: No, I don't think so. If it is a... I think it would be more so, like, if you're representing yourself and it's just complete BS what you're asking for and what you're saying.

I think that's more likely to get less regard by a court. But if you're really clear about the issues- you're presenting. And most importantly, look up what the law is. Look up what the factors, best interest factors in your state. There's a list of six, 14 or 16 factors in Maryland that they consider.

Whenever I present an argument, I touch on every single factor so that the judge has 14 or 16 different reasons why they should side with me. If you don't know what those factors are, you don't know what your argument's supposed to be catered towards or what you actually have to show in court. So look up the law, and it's usually very, very plain s- spoken and clear on the things you need to show, and just make sure you touch on everything.

Ali Kessler: And I think with AI right now, it, it's sort of making it a little easier for-

Whitney Antoniono: Mm-hmm ...

Whitney Antoniono: Only thing I'd say about AI is definitely look up the law on your own as well and make- Right ... sure that it's accurate.

There's been attorneys- Sure ... being disbarred because AI's misstating the law and stuff like that. Right. And if you don't- Well,

Ali Kessler: yeah, do your due dili- diligence-

Whitney Antoniono: Exactly ... for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, it's a great tool for people, 100%.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. We're, on Greyson's Choice, we use Amy Says for- which is an AI chat for people looking for help and next steps.

Yeah. So it's very helpful. Now, you mentioned before you do, like, tutorials and things on social to help, people sort of-

...

Ali Kessler: Get their shit together on their own. I guess you've built a large following by sort of simplifying these complex legal topics. What made you start creating that kind of content?

How do you approach it?

They're either clickbaiting them, fear-mongering, things like that, and I'm like, I really saw that I could provide useful content, and I had been kind of at the earlier stages of starting my firm. And I wasn't at a place where I was dedicating thousands and thousands of dollars towards marketing, so I saw it as a great way to help people but also grow my firm in a really personal way.

And I realized there was no attorneys in my area, in my jurisdictions, that I saw as, like, an authority. And so I Decided I would try to be one.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. No, I mean, look, in today's day and age, it's the way to go, right? I mean, social media is everywhere.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah, and it, and fo- I've had attorneys before tell me that I'm an idiot for posting, like, how to represent yourself in family court.

And I just tell them, "If you can re- if you can afford a lawyer, you're gonna hire a lawyer."

Ali Kessler: Lawyer. Exactly.

Whitney Antoniono: So providing that information- The

Ali Kessler: only people that are doing pro se are ones that cannot afford it.

Whitney Antoniono: Exactly. So it's

Ali Kessler: just because- And they deserve to have this, their children. Yeah.

Whitney Antoniono: And just because I teach somebody how to enter evidence onto the record doesn't mean they're not gonna hire me.

Ali Kessler: I agree. I mean, that's what, that's why we have blogs, and that's why we have articles, and that's why we have this, right?

You wanna become an authority. So by you, speaking to people about these topics, you are that. They're like, "Oh, well I heard this," and, you know, this person, and then your name just gets thrown around right there.

Whitney Antoniono: Exactly.

Ali Kessler: So that's very smart. Okay, so now you're a family lawyer. You deal with divorces, whatever, prenups, you mentioned.

Do you think prenups are a good idea?

Whitney Antoniono: I think it depends on what you have going into it. I say that I recently got married, and we did not do a prenup because my husband's a little bit older than me, and he actually would have more to gain from a prenup. Okay. We did have a contract regarding my business, and that's separate.

But in regards to going into it and separating finances, he would be better off with a prenup than I would be, just because he's so much older than me. Not that much older than me, but significantly.

Ali Kessler: Right

Whitney Antoniono: But it really just depends what your goals are- Right ... from it. Like if we come to- And your

Ali Kessler: assets, I suppose

Right.

Ali Kessler: Share,

Whitney Antoniono: yeah Which proved why we wouldn't need one.

Ali Kessler: Right. '

Whitney Antoniono: Cause I would've solved whatever he's going into it, like if we're married for 20 years, I expect 50% of it, and I expect to share 50% of what I earn. And that's just my mentality. But if that is not what you're hoping for, if you come in with a lot of family money that is closely tied to your personal assets, that's a big reason to get a prenup, 100%.

Because even though inheritance isn't technically considered marital property, if you use that inheritance to buy your home or things like that, it becomes marital very quickly, and that can prove to be a really big problem if you were to separate.

Ali Kessler: I also think- What is a good way to approach it when couples are getting married?

Like, obviously if one party wants it and it tarnishes the, the feeling, you're like, "Ugh, I don't want a prenup." But I hear stories where, you know, the, the father or the, the husband goes to work and makes all, all the money and the wife gives up her career when she has children, and then, you know, homeschooled and then did this, did cheer and dance.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah. Like- And his income is half hers.

When you're married, you have joint, you put your incomes together and split it in half, and that's equally one another's. People don't get that a lot of the time. So

Ali Kessler: what's a good way to make it not so taboo?

Whitney Antoniono: I think, I tell clients to see somebody asking for a prenup as an opportunity, not as like an offense, that you aren't getting forced to sign whatever they create, and you just have to be happy with it.

If that's the case- Right ... do not sign it, do not marry them.

Ali Kessler: Negotiate.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah. Hire your own lawyer and find out what you view to be a good outcome for your marriage if you were to separate. Right.

Ali Kessler: And it's not just what's mine is mine and what's yours is yours before you met. No. Right? It's like what is a prenup?

It's just

You can set yourself out for success. And ultimately, I mean, divorcing with a prenup, even if it is a high-conflict, nasty divorce, it's always gonna make it less conflicted and less contested because it's hard to contest a prenup.

Ali Kessler: And it doesn't mean you're not getting anything. It means you just pre, sort of organize it in advance.

Whitney Antoniono: Exactly. Yeah. It just determines-

Ali Kessler: So, which is pretty smart ...

Whitney Antoniono: and you can also have requirements in there, like a certain set of things- Right, like- ... if this was to happen, that y'all would have to revisit ... right, if they

Ali Kessler: cheated or whatever.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah, if, if something was to happen, then it would be void or something like that, where like let's say one of you comes into millions and millions of dollars- And, y'all were in a period of separation during that," something like that-

Ali Kessler: Right

Whitney Antoniono: then you could protect that, too, and it wouldn't just automatically become 50/50. There's just ways to set yourself up better than people think when they just hear, "I want a prenup," and they get this negative connotation. I see it as a positive, honestly.

Whitney Antoniono: Definitely.

Ali Kessler: So what are some of the biggest divorce or custody myths you find yourself correcting over and over again? Is there, like- Yeah ... a myth that w- you hear and you're like, "No, that's not right."

Whitney Antoniono: So oftentimes, and I hear it all the time, that whoever files first, you have to, like, rush to be the one to file first.

I disagree. There's not much of a difference, especially if you file a counter-complaint. You're both- Okay ... being heard on your own issues.

Really, the only difference is if you go to trial and the party who initially files would go last, they have a rebuttal. But even then, if you had a counter-complaint, you would be able to rebut that rebuttal.

And so it really doesn't change much. And I tell clients sometimes when there is, like, no information and stuff like that, we wait, and we wait for them to file. And being that responsive party, we learn so much by them being the one to file, and we let them show themselves, right? And so it- it's not a big disservice being the second to file, but people think...

They come to me all the time like, "I need to hurry and file," and I'm like, "It doesn't matter that much." I

Whitney Antoniono: ... Like,

Ali Kessler: instigating this or, or whatnot.

Whitney Antoniono: No. I don't

Ali Kessler: know.

Whitney Antoniono: And now with, I'm not familiar if Florida has fault-based divorce, but here in DC and Maryland, there is no fault-based divorce anymore, and so you can get a divorce if you want a divorce. So the judges don't see whoever filed or whoever didn't file as having any sort of upper hand or any sort of contribution to the divorce.

They just see it as like, "All right, let's just dissolve the marriage."

Ali Kessler: Dissolve a marriage, right. I

Whitney Antoniono: mean- They don't care why people are divorcing, majority of the time. I

Ali Kessler: mean, is that, do you think they should care? I mean, it's, if a person wants to get divorced. Mm-hmm.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah I don't think they should care.

I don't think there should be fault-based in divorce, only because when states started getting rid of or started offering no-fault divorce, the suicide rate in women went down by 20%.

Ali Kessler: Wow. 'Cause they felt like they were stuck or something- Exactly ... or if they were abused, they couldn't get out of it and couldn't

Whitney Antoniono: prove it?

Or even if they were abused, they'd have to prove it. If you- Right, and they

Ali Kessler: couldn't prove

Ali Kessler: Right. That makes

Whitney Antoniono: sense. It gives them that escape.

Ali Kessler: Yeah, that definitely- Which is important ... makes sense. 'Cause a lot of women or people stay in a marriage out of fear.

And, and, and whatnot. So that's interesting.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah.

Ali Kessler: Very. So how can parents protect themselves financially and legally early on in the process?

Whitney Antoniono: Sure. So I think somehow if, going into a divorce, if you have a- some funds that you've set away to hire a lawyer and things like that, it's really important 'cause that can really set you up for success. You don't have to represent yourself. You don't have to find, uh, legal aid if they even offer that for a divorce in your county.

Again, knowing your full financial, like, situation going into it like that, but then also speaking to an attorney about what the actual best steps are. A lot of the times filing is not the first step that you should do. Okay. Setting yourself up, separating, finding out where you're gonna live, if you do wanna leave the home.

Ali Kessler: A

Whitney Antoniono: lot of reasons why clients in domestic abuse situations start off with a protective order is 'cause it will get you most likely a family maintenance payment, which is essentially like a child support payment-

Ali Kessler: Right

Whitney Antoniono: without having to wait until you get a child support hearing. And so you have immediate financial relief in a situation, and there's no contact, so you're getting, gotten away from this person for a period of time, and you have some financial movement by having that payment from him, so you have options.

So whatever it looks like, securing a way where you have enough independence so you can breathe and go through the divorce process without a knife at your neck.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. It's so interesting 'cause, you know, when peop- when people are in the midst of starting the process, I guess, when you say, like, see what money you have aside, if you're married and you don't have a prenup, you have joint funds, is it both of you paying each other's law bills, essentially?

Whitney Antoniono: Essentially, yeah.

If you have just joint accounts, yeah

Ali Kessler: Do you think that mediation is the smartest way to go, or litigation versus

And there's times I go into it and I tell my client, I go, "I'm not gonna say we can't settle, because who knows, anything can happen." Right. "But this is not a settling case."

It's usually when one party is trying to get primary physical custody or to re- relocate, or things that you just know the other parent's not gonna agree.

There's no middle ground available. Those cases are usually have to go to trial because how do you compromise when one party's gonna live on the other side of the country? You can't. There are cases, though, where it's a shade of gray and there's something in the middle, and you're discussing just a shared custody schedule.

In the gray area, where there's a shared custody schedule- My favorite word ... and it's just ironing out, yeah, it's ironing, ironing out what exact days they are and what that shared schedule looks like, that's a case- Right ... that will probably settle in mediation.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. It's, it's hard to, I guess, try to mediate with someone that's so irrational.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah. Which I think is hard. There's also a big reason why cases settle right before trial, because they, at mediation you're still months away from trial, and there's no pressure, and there's no reality check of the fact that a judge is about to make these decisions and what the actual law looks like.

And so, so many cases, I get offers the night before, and they're like, "Let's settle this." Or we show up for our final trial date and we settle that morning.

Ali Kessler: Now if, what would you say to a client that was someone like me who had a child, you know, on her own, and then the father was now suing for paternity and a name change, and then obviously everything was contentious.

What, what advice would you give that parent in the very beginning?

So I tell people, if you have had primary custody and you've been the single parent for a period of time, it's so important to file with the court and to have that recognized by the court and put into an order so that it's established, everything you're doing, and so that if and when that other parent shows up, you have shown that consistency of being the solo parent.

And so they're working from a no custody scenario into a shared rather than giving that benefit of the doubt.

Ali Kessler: Well, for me, he wasn't even on Greyson's birth certificate.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah.

Ali Kessler: Like, he wasn't in, he wasn't living here, so it was just me.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah, I mean, even in that case you can file for... So where was he living?

Ali Kessler: New Jersey.

Whitney Antoniono: Okay. So and you're in Florida. Yeah. So it's long distance, right?

Ali Kessler: Yeah.

Whitney Antoniono: And so-

Ali Kessler: Yeah, so- ... even

Whitney Antoniono: in those

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah. So I think it's the most important time when you file for custody, is when that party wants nothing to do with it, ' cause the likelihood is they will get that complaint served on them, and they probably won't even respond. If they do, they won't care, and you have your best upper hand in that moment to establish something.

Ali Kessler: Yeah.

Whitney Antoniono: And it's so important.

Ali Kessler: I mean, I even asked if he would just sign away his rights and, you know, of course he said no.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah.

Ali Kessler: But What are you gonna do?

All right. Well, how can people get in touch with you?

Whitney Antoniono: Sure. So you can find me on social media, on Instagram, Facebook, TikTok primarily, and my handle is wlafamilylaw.

Name is Attorney Whitney, and my website is www.wlafamilylaw. And I represent clients throughout DC and Maryland, and I'm licensed in New York and Texas, so I also consult on those types of cases as well.

Ali Kessler: Okay, great. I will put all of that contact in the show notes for people to reach out. And I guess, what's just one thing you wanna leave our listeners with?

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah. I think if you are leaving a marriage, there's a reason, and if you leave today, it's gonna be easier than if you leave tomorrow. Smart. And the longer it goes back, forward, it's just gonna make it more and more difficult, and so I'm a big advocate of when you want to leave, leave.

Don't wait for the children to get older, things like that. Right,

Ali Kessler: right.

Whitney Antoniono: Children deserve happy and safe parents more than they deserve together parents.

Ali Kessler: I 100% agree. I always said, I'm a product of divorce. I think it's so much smarter to have everyone be happy than just stay together ' cause of the children.

Children are very resilient, right?

Whitney Antoniono: Exactly.

Ali Kessler: And I feel like it's just, it's more the norm to come from a divorced home now- Mm-hmm ... today's age, than it used to be.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah, and just having a good relationship with both parents is so important, and when there's so much animosity amongst parents, that's hard to do.

So if you're listening and navigating separation, custody, or divorce, know that having the right information can truly change the outcome, and there are professionals like Whitney who are helping make that clarity possible. Thanks again for coming on, and yeah, we'll connect soon.

Whitney Antoniono: Yeah, thank you so much for having me.

Ali Kessler: Absolutely.