In Episode 12 of Journey Through the Song, Sam and Debbie bring the conflict story to resolution as they continue through the Song of Solomon. After hurt, distance, and regret, the focus shifts to what it actually takes to restore a relationship. This episode uncovers the powerful role of humility, renewed perspective, and intentional pursuit in healing what’s been broken. It’s a deeply practical and hope-filled look at how love can be rebuilt—not by winning the argument, but by choosing connection over self.

Checkout these other Family Fortress Ministries Podcasts:

TIME FOR THREE daily couples devotional: https://time-for-three.captivate.fm/listen

RELATIONSHIP REALITIES: https://relationship-realities.captivate.fm/listen

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Welcome to the Fortifying youg Family podcast.

It can be daunting to navigate through an anti marriage and family culture.

Our teacher will expound biblical principles to help fortify our families and keep these sacred institutions strong.

And now, here's this week's teaching from Sam Wood.

Now, wives, when the shoe line was focused on her own rights, how the situation was unfair, her thinking spiraled downward into this huge pity party.

And this caused her to react in ways that she later regretted.

She was really sorry she had talked to him that way.

But when we are treated unfairly, and we will be, what determines our response?

It's our focus.

It's whatever we're thinking about.

If we build up a case for a pity party like she did, our responses will be defensive.

So what we need is a little preventative maintenance.

What I mean by that is we've got to make sure our mindset is correct even before we're facing unfairness.

And how do we do that?

What I've learned is that if I can preach the gospel to myself daily, regularly input the truth of grace into my heart, then that will make a real difference in how I respond to things.

And what I mean by that is I have to remind myself all the time of the greatness of Christ, of how miserably I failed him, yet how lovingly and how completely and how undeservedly he forgave me.

But what about, like, in this situation, we get so caught up in our own perspective, and in a defensive moment, we hurt our spouse with words.

So what are we to do then?

You know, that's often what happens with us.

Because our focus isn't on the right thing, right?

Absolutely.

And we realize all of a sudden, you know, that was selfish.

I shouldn't have done that.

But how do we refocus?

How do we adjust our thinking?

And we can look at how Shulamite refocus her.

Her thinking as she pursues her husband, she's going to go after him.

In verse seven, she says, the watchmen that went about the city found me.

They smoked me, they wounded me.

The keepers of the walls took away my veil from me.

Now, this is probably just some weird phase of the dream, because really and truly, the policemen are not going to attack the queen.

Yeah.

So what could have been going on here was she may have felt so guilty at responding in arrogance that her dream is punishing her.

Her mind is.

Is doing this to her.

And, you know, anytime we attempt to reconcile our relationships, there's going to be hindrances.

There's going to be roadblocks, just like those watchmen.

Yeah, like, we might get super busy.

The phone might ring, or our thoughts of guilt or pride might interrupt our mission.

But this bride sticks to her mission of reconciliation.

In verse 8, she says, I charge you or I beg you, oh, daughters of Jerusalem.

Girlfriends, if you find my beloved, that you tell him that I'm sick of love.

See, what she's doing here is she's admitting to herself and to God and to her friends that she was wrong to respond the way she did.

And she's begging them for help.

She admits she longs for her husband.

She says, I'm faint with desire.

I want him back.

Then her girlfriends or the chorus start questioning her.

They say in verse nine, what is thy beloved more than another beloved?

O thou fairest among women.

What is thy beloved more than another beloved that thou does so charge us?

You're saying, okay, dear lady, what is it that's so hot about your guy that you want us to take our time to go out and start looking for him?

You know what they're doing here?

They're challenging her to refocus her thinking.

And that's what she does.

She starts considering all his positive traits.

What is it that's so attractive about him?

And she.

Philippians 4, 8.

Him.

Whatever traits she finds as true or honest or just or lovely or a good character, she shifts her thinking away from herself and.

And concentrates on those things, on her blessings.

She's.

She's blessed to have it.

So what she's doing here, she's pausing to Praise him.

Verse 10.

My beloved girlfriends.

He's white and ruddy, the chiefest among 10,000.

He's this good looking guy.

He's got a masculine complexion.

He's the epitome of masculinity and fertility.

He's a leader.

Then, verse 11.

His head is as the most fine gold.

His locks are bushy and black as a raven.

Now, I just can't say that when I'm thinking about my beloved.

Obviously not, huh?

No.

What I have to think instead is his head.

It's.

It's smooth, it's.

It's shiny.

It's got that good, clean look to it.

But, she continues, his prize are as the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters washed with milk and fitly set.

She says he has these clear, sincere eyes.

I can look into his eyes and see into the depths of his soul.

I can trust him.

She says, his cheeks are as bed of spices as sweet flowers.

His lips like lilies Dropping sweet smelling myrrh.

And you all are picturing his chipmunk with his cheeks all filled up.

But back then they didn't have Colgate, they didn't have Listerine.

And people would chew sweet smelling herbs so that they could clean their teeth and then they would have fresh breath.

It also, though it could be a metaphor, this song is full of metaphors.

And this could be a metaphor implying that the things that he says are sweet, they're precious.

They're like that gift he just left on the door handle.

And in verse 14, his hands are as gold rings set with the barrel.

His belly is as bright ivory overlaid with sapphires.

His legs are his pillars of marble set upon sockets of fine gold.

His countenance is as lemon and excellent as the cedars.

His mouth is most sweet.

Yep, all together.

Lovely.

This is my beloved, this is my friend.

Oh, daughters of Jerusalem.

She's saying his arms are strong.

He has a six pack abdomen.

He's physically, he's in good shape.

He pumps iron and he makes her feel protected and safe.

He has a smooth skin.

He eats his veggies, right.

And his mouth is sweet.

You know, it's the way he kisses is sweet.

And the things he says to her are sweet.

Now, once she considers.

Once she shifted her attention away from herself and she concentrates on his positive traits, she comes to this conclusion.

You know, he is desirable.

He's my friend.

He's my best friend.

And I don't want to be mad with him.

He's worth more to me than proven I'm right.

You know what great counsel that is from the chorus to say, you need to refocus, think about all the good things you know about your husband.

But I love what she.

The conclusion she comes to at the end of verse 16 where she makes this powerful statement, at least it is to me.

She says, this is my beloved and this is my friend.

O daughters of Jerusalem.

She says her husband Solomon is her friend.

And.

And.

And wives.

Ladies, your husband needs to be your friend.

Most men don't have many friends of any friends.

And his wife needs to be his friend.

And.

And I thank God that Debbie isn't just my friend.

Debbie's my best friend.

We're best friends with each other.

My best friend isn't another guy.

My best friend is my wife.

And so wise.

Listen, don't be upset if your husband has some man friends.

Us men need some man friends to do some man things with.

Sometimes you might need to hang out together, go hunting, play golf, do some Things like that.

The same way husband shouldn't be upset if his wife has some women friends to go do women things with, shopping or whatever it might be, get your nails done, have tea together, whatever it might be.

But you know, couples, your mate, your husband, your wife.

God designed them to be your most intimate friend.

They're your companion whom you're in covenant with, your friend whom you're in covenant with.

And in marriage, we're to share physical, emotional, and spiritual companionship or friendship, really, in a way that cannot and should not be shared except in marriage.

And so this is exclusive.

You know, when she says that, it's like, he is really my friend.

I just love that.

It's great.

And she continues to pursue her friend.

In chapter six, she wants to make sure she gets things right.

Now she's just told the chorus how special he is and all the things she admires.

So they ask her another question in verse 1.

Whither is thy beloved gone?

O thou fairest among women?

Wither is thy beloved turned aside, that we may seek him with thee.

So the chorus, right now, they're challenging her to consider, where is Solomon?

What do you think he's doing?

Why would he have gone somewhere else?

They want her to think about things from his perspective.

So she's continually trying to work on what she's thinking about.

And she responds in verse two, my beloved is gone down into his garden to the beds of spices and to feed in the gardens and to gather lilies.

She responds by admitting that he's in the garden, taking responsibility, maybe even to care for his flock.

He's shepherd of the people of Israel, and he provides the best for them lilies.

Now, though, she's given him the benefit of the doubt that's huge.

She's admiring the way he fulfills his responsibilities.

She's thinking about what he really might be doing.

She knows him well enough to know where he is once she thinks about it.

And she's going to pursue him until she finds him.

She says, I am my beloved and my beloved is mine.

He feedeth among the lilies.

So after considering all his good character traits and his perspective, she can confidently, I mean confidently remind herself, you know, he really does love me.

And she really does love him.

She says, I'm my beloved.

She's rededicating herself to him and to the relationship.

They are committed to each other, and she can now admire him for fulfilling his responsibilities.

And now she has a totally different focus and a different perspective.

So she had destroyed in the.

In the opening Scene she had destroyed the opportunity for romance.

He came home knocking on the door, and she drove him away with her pity parties and her rejection.

But once she considered her reactions and looked at herself, she took decisive steps herself to resolve this conflict.

Why don't you just summarize again real quickly what she did?

Sure.

Okay.

First of all, she did not justify her attitude.

Then she admitted to God and herself in what specific ways she'd been wrong or she'd been self centered.

Then she reached out to her spouse.

She did not let herself get distracted.

She pursued him.

Then she praised him.

And she was his friend.

So we need to be a friend.

And also she considers his perspective.

And so now she goes to that garden where Solomon is, is.

And she has pursued him with an intent to reconcile.

You know, a lot of times we want to get things right in our relationships, but we really, we're really not sure where to start.

You know, I thank God for the practical steps of reconciliation, really, that this passage covers, that we've covered in this session.

But you know, as we close out this session, I want to reflect back for a minute on the question that the daughters of Jerusalem asked the Shulamite to get her to refocus her thinking off of herself and onto her husband Solomon.

And in verse nine, they ask her this question.

What is thy beloved more than another beloved?

That just really that question stands out to me because as the bride of Christ, we all need to stop and ask ourselves very often the same question.

What is thy beloved?

What is my beloved more than another beloved?

We need to remind ourselves that our beloved Jesus Christ is more wonderful.

He's more glorious, he's more beautiful than any other beloved in the world.

Our beloved stands at the door of our heart and says to us, behold, as it says in Revelation 3:20, I stand at the door and knock.

If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I'll come in unto him and eat with him, and he with me.

Jesus was saying these words to a self centered church who needed to repent of their self sufficiency and to find their sufficiency in him alone.

And he invited them, come in, dine with me.

You know what a beautiful, beautiful picture that is.

Yeah.

You know, there are times in our spiritual walk when we sense maybe a distance from Christ and maybe we might not answer the door as soon as he knocks.

And then we feel like we're unable to find him.

And at these times we should pursue him just like the Shulamite did pursue him with vibrant praise and recount all of the things we admire about Christ to our friends.

We need to remind ourselves we are in covenant with him and we belong to Him.

We need to draw close to him and dig into the Word and consider him his perspective.

Then we will find him because He's a faithful bridegroom who forgives completely and he will never forsake us.

And praise God, he does.

I love that he is a faithful bridegroom and he will never forsake us.

He will never leave us.

Whenever you feel yourself getting angry at your husband, your wife, your spouse, or anybody even around you, and you're struggling to be patient with him and to really love them, remind yourself of your beloved Jesus Christ and His love for you.

That's what we need to do.

Meditate on his beauty.

Meditate on his faithfulness.

Our souls will be calmed as we remind ourselves, even as we saw in the song, I am my beloved and my beloved is mine, now and forever.

Now, in this session, we've seen how the wife pursues her husband to reconcile the relationship.

But in the next session, we're going to look at how Solomon responds to his wife when she finds him.

So it's going to be an exciting session to see how he actually responds.

But until next time, I hope if you've been blessed by this journey through the song, that you'll share it with others and tell other people about it.

And let me just say, until next time, may the grace and peace and protection of a heavenly barragoon be with you.

God bless you.

We love you.

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