We are taught that weight loss is a test of character.

If you are overweight, society tells you it’s because you lack the willpower to say "no." You likely believe this too. You wake up every Monday promising to be "better," to white-knuckle your way through cravings, and to force your body into submission.

But by Friday (or Tuesday night), you’re exhausted, and the binge feels inevitable.

In this episode, I’m challenging the holy grail of diet culture: Discipline.

I explain why relying on willpower is actually a symptom of a misaligned identity, not a solution. We discuss why discipline is a finite battery that will always fail you when you are tired, and how to shift into an "Identity Mindset" where making healthy choices feels as natural as brushing your teeth.

Important points from episode:

• The Battery Problem: Discipline is a finite resource. Every time you stifle an emotion, focus on a hard task, or say "no" to a donut, you drain the battery. By 8:00 PM, you aren't weak—you are depleted.
• Identity vs. Acting: Most dieters are "actors" playing the role of a healthy person. It takes immense energy to stay in character. The goal is to stop acting and start being.
• The Rubber Band Effect: Trying to change your body without changing your identity is like running against a rubber band attached to a post. Eventually, the tension snaps you back. Identity work moves the post.
• Friction vs. Flow: Discipline asks, "How can I force myself to do this?" Identity asks, "Who do I believe I am?"

Action Step: Next time you feel the need to use "discipline" to make a choice, pause. Ask yourself: "What would the version of me who has already succeeded do in this moment?" Borrow that identity for just ten seconds.

Why I Stopped Relying on "Discipline" (And Why You Should Too)

Someone asked me once why I created this podcast and why I show up every week to write content and give it away.

I hesitated to answer at first because it sounds a little cheesy. But the honest truth? I just love seeing people get free. I know how heavy this struggle can feel, and I want you to have the tools to get that weight down, even if it’s just a little bit at a time.

My wish for you is that this podcast becomes more than just background noise. I hope you take these tools, apply them to your life, and prove to yourself that you are capable of change. I am wishing you all the best, because I know you deserve it.

I know the script that runs through your head on Monday morning. You look in the mirror, you feel that familiar heaviness in your gut, and you think, "If I just had more self-discipline, I wouldn't be in this position."

You tell yourself that the only thing standing between you and the body you want is your ability to say "no." You think you need to be tougher. You need to grit your teeth harder. You look at people who seem to have this whole health thing figured out, and you assume they possess this massive, endless reservoir of willpower that you just weren't born with. You spend your days white-knuckling through cravings, exhausting yourself trying to make the "right" choice, thinking that if you just try harder, it will finally stick.

But I want to offer you a different perspective.

I don't believe in relying on discipline.

In fact, if you are waking up every day feeling like you have to put on armor to fight a battle against your own desires, you have already lost.

We tend to treat discipline as the solution to our weight struggles. We worship it. But that constant need for force actually points to a misalignment. Discipline is the specific tool we grab when our internal self—our identity—is at war with the actions we are trying to take. It is the friction caused by an old identity trying to perform new tricks.

Today, I’m going to explain why I stopped trying to be "disciplined," and how shifting your focus from willpower to alignment makes the process feel less like a battlefield and more like simply being yourself.

2: The "Battery" Problem

Let’s look at the mechanics of discipline.

We tend to think of discipline as a personality trait—something you either have or you don’t. But psychologically speaking, discipline is actually a resource. Think of it exactly like the battery on your phone.

When you wake up in the morning, after a good night's sleep, your battery is at 100%. This is why it’s usually easy to say no to the donuts in the breakroom at 9:00 AM. You have a full charge. You have the energy to override the impulse.

But every single time you use self-control during the day, you drain a little bit of that battery. And I’m not just talking about saying no to food.

When you hold your tongue in a frustrating meeting? That costs battery. When you force yourself to focus on a boring spreadsheet? That costs battery. When you manage your kids' emotions while suppressing your own? That drains the battery.

By the time 8:00 PM rolls around, you aren't weak. You are depleted. You are operating on 5% battery mode. And just like your phone goes into "Low Power Mode" and stops doing the heavy lifting, your brain stops doing the heavy lifting of self-control.

You might believe that caving in at night is a moral failing. You sit there with the empty wrapper thinking you are broken because you couldn't hold it together for just a few more hours. But this isn't a character flaw. It is a resource management problem. You cannot white-knuckle your way through a 24-hour cycle when your fuel source ran out at 5:00 PM.

This is where Identity comes in.

If discipline is a battery that drains, Identity is a generator that recharges itself.

Think about brushing your teeth. Do you have to use "discipline" to brush your teeth every morning? Do you have to stand in front of the mirror, give yourself a pep talk, and grit your teeth to pick up the toothbrush?

No. You just do it.

You do it when you’re tired. You do it when you’re sad. You do it even when you’d rather just go straight to bed. It costs you zero battery power. Why? Because you identify as a person with hygiene. It is simply who you are.

When a behavior moves from "something I have to force myself to do" to "something that is just part of me," the energy cost drops to zero. And that is where we want to live.

3: Stop "Acting" and Start "Being"

This leads us to a crucial distinction between what you do and who you are.

I want you to think about the difference between an actor playing a role and a person actually living that life.

Imagine an actor cast to play a neurosurgeon. They have to memorize complex medical jargon. They have to learn how to hold a scalpel correctly. They have to constantly monitor their posture and their tone of voice to make sure they sound authoritative. Every single moment they are on camera requires intense, conscious focus to stay "in character." It is exhausting work. As soon as the director yells "Cut!", they slump into a chair and drop the act because the performance takes so much energy to maintain.

Now, think about the actual neurosurgeon. They don't have to "try" to sound like a doctor. They don't have to remind themselves how to hold the instruments. They just are a surgeon. It flows out of them naturally because it is their identity.

When you rely on discipline to lose weight, you are essentially an actor playing the role of a "Healthy Person."

You wake up and put on the costume. You recite the lines: "I will have the egg whites, please." You mimic the movements of someone who goes to the gym. But deep down, your internal identity is still that of the person who struggles with food. You are constantly monitoring yourself, terrified that if you drop the act for even a second, the "real you"—the one who wants the cookies—will come rushing back out.

No wonder you are burned out. You are performing a one-person show, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, without an intermission.

You might think the goal is to become a better actor—to get so good at faking it that it eventually feels real. But that is the hard way.

The goal isn't to act better. The goal is to stop acting.

This brings me to the most important sentence I will say today:

Discipline is what we use when we are trying to force an Old Identity to do New Behaviors.

As long as you see yourself as a "struggling dieter" or "someone with no self-control," you will always need discipline to bridge the gap. But when you shift your identity—when you truly begin to see yourself as an athlete, or as someone who respects their body—the gap disappears. And when the gap disappears, you don't need the bridge anymore.

4: The Shift from "Have To" to "Want To"

This misalignment creates a very specific type of internal dialogue. I call it the "Have To" trap.

When you are operating out of discipline, your internal monologue sounds like a negotiation between a strict parent and a rebellious teenager.

"I really want the pizza, but I have to eat the salad." "I really want to sleep in, but I have to go to the gym."

Notice the friction? One part of you wants one thing, and another part of you is forcing a different outcome. That friction creates heat, and eventually, that heat burns you out.

You might assume the solution is to just get better at winning the argument. You spend years trying to strengthen the "parent" voice so it can shout down the "teenager." But living in a constant state of internal argument is devastating to your mental health.

When you shift your identity, the dialogue changes. It moves from friction to flow.

The monologue becomes: "I am the kind of person who respects my body, so I want the food that makes me feel good."

Suddenly, the salad isn't a punishment. It’s a preference. You aren't fighting the desire for the pizza; you are simply prioritizing a deeper desire for vitality.

Long-term maintenance is impossible with friction. You cannot white-knuckle the rest of your life. It only works with flow.

5: The Rubber Band Visual

Here is the best way to visualize why discipline eventually fails.

I want you to imagine your Old Identity—the version of you that struggles with weight—is a heavy steel post driven into the ground behind you.

Now, imagine there is a giant, thick rubber band attached to that post, and the other end is wrapped around your waist.

When you use discipline to go on a diet, you are running forward, away from the post.

At first, it’s easy. The rubber band is loose. You lose five pounds. You feel motivated.

But the further you get from your Old Identity, the tighter that rubber band stretches. The tension builds. You have to run harder and harder just to stay in the same place. You are pulling against the psychological weight of who you believe you are.

Eventually, you get tired. You have a bad week at work. You get sick. And the moment you stop running, that tension takes over.

Snap.

You fly all the way back to the post. This is the rebound weight gain. This is the yo-yo.

Discipline is trying to run harder against the band. Identity work is walking back to the post, unhooking the band, and moving the post itself.

So, stop trying to hack your willpower. Stop trying to optimize a battery that is destined to run out.

Instead, start asking yourself a different question. Not "How can I force myself to do this?" but "Who do I believe I am?"

Here is your action step for this week.

The next time you feel that friction—that specific moment where you feel like you need "discipline" to put down the fork or get off the couch—I want you to pause.

Ask yourself: "What would the version of me who has already succeeded do in this moment?"

Borrow that identity. Wear it for just ten seconds.

You aren't forcing yourself to do something you hate. You are simply asking, "How does a healthy person handle this?" and then mirroring that behavior. You will find that the choice becomes lighter. It stops being a battle and starts being a vote for the person you are becoming.

If this episode resonated with you, do me a favor. Send it to that one friend who is exhausted from "starting over" every Monday. Tell them there is a better way.

I’ll see you next time.