This episode dives into the hilarity and chaos of modern parenting, featuring a lively discussion on everything from the absurdity of TikTok bans to the golden age of America. The hosts hilariously dissect the political landscape, weaving in their personal anecdotes and opinions, particularly focusing on the implications of Joe Biden's recent policies. With playful banter and sharp wit, they touch on the challenges of organizing a household, including the often comical struggles of keeping a pantry tidy amidst the chaos of family life. The episode also features a lighthearted game segment, where they compare outrageous news stories from New Jersey and Florida, highlighting the bizarre behavior often associated with both states. Listeners are treated to a rich mix of laughter, relatable parenting experiences, and unexpected insights, all wrapped up in a fun and engaging format.

The latest episode brings a whirlwind of laughter and sharp commentary on parenting, current events, and the quirks of daily life. Scott, Chris, Sarah, and Gay Nick dive into the world of family vacations, exploring everything from the allure of Disney trips to the chaos of all-inclusive resorts. Scott highlights Sandpiper Vacations as the go-to for planning memorable family getaways, while the team playfully banters about the absurdities of vacationing with kids. The conversation transitions seamlessly from travel tips to the inevitable comedy that arises from parenting, showcasing the raw humor that defines their podcast.

As the episode unfolds, the hosts tackle the recent TikTok ban, infusing their discussion with personal anecdotes and opinions, illustrating how the platform has become a staple in many lives, especially during the pandemic. They share poignant and humorous moments from their own experiences on TikTok, including Scott’s emotional farewell to the app when it was rumored to shut down. This segment not only captures the essence of their comedic style but also reflects on the deeper connections formed through social media during challenging times.

The episode culminates in the controversial topic of political humor, where the hosts don’t shy away from making bold statements regarding current figures like Joe Biden and Donald Trump. With their signature wit, they navigate sensitive subjects with ease, reminding listeners that laughter often stems from discomfort. Overall, this episode encapsulates the spirit of Parents Night Out, serving as both a comedic escape and a relatable commentary on the trials of parenthood and society at large.

Links referenced in this episode:

• nonnewfriendspodcast.com
• sandpipervacations.com

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Disney
• Sandpiper Vacations
• Meta
• Google
• YouTube
• Patreon

Disney vacations.

All inclusive resorts, cruises and family trips to Idaho.

Travel to your favorite place and have a celebration.

Sandpiper Vacations.

Broadcasting from the Sandpiper Vacation studio.

Welcome to Parents Night out with no New Friends.

The comedy break every parent deserves.

This is the podcast where parenting meets pure unfiltered fun.

Real raw hilarity.

It's your night out without the kids, where nothing is off limits.

And we say what everybody else is thinking.

Whether you're a parent or just need a good laugh, We've got the adult humor you crave.

So kick back, relax and get ready to let loose with us.

This is Parents Night out with no new friends.

There are so many ways to connect with us.

Check out our website, no new friends, podcast.com.

while you're there, check out our really sweet merchandise and don't forget to join our clubhouse.

Become a friend with benefits.

That's our Patreon.

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We are recording live, streaming live on the YouTube every single Monday.

Well, almost every single Monday night, 8:00pm Eastern Standard Time, where you can see this thing.

Raw, uncut, all the things that don't make air.

It's live.

It's.

It's happening right in front of you.

Also, we sometimes go live on the TikTok from the Disney parks.

Follow us there at the parks with no new friends.

My name is Scott.

I'm the host.

With me, as always, my amazing cast of characters, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself, Chris.

What do we get to see?

Raw and uncut, the Jewish American princess, Sarah.

Hello, our emotional sport, Gay Nick.

It's a me.

I'm a gay.

The wise man, Darren.com.

Listen here, brother.

So welcome.

Welcome to the Golden Age of America, everybody.

It's.

What a time to be alive.

The second person to welcome me today, golden age of America.

You know, I had to do some research, Chris, because I was like, you know, the golden age of America.

What does that mean?

I was like, oh, okay, so segregation.

You must have been talking about the end of World War II.

Maybe, I don't know.

Must have been.

But a lot of bad things during that time period.

A lot of bad things.

There was also polio was kind of running rampant.

I don't know.

I think Joe Biden just got into politics around them.

So maybe he's coming back for the next.

Next election cycle.

Maybe that's.

It was a hint.

It was a little teaser.

It was the end of the.

It was the end of the Marvel credits.

That was the little teaser.

Oh, I love that.

Could you imagine.

Could you imagine if.

If.

If Joe Biden lives long enough to run again?

Like, Trump will do everything he can to also be able to run again?

Yeah, sure.

He'll be vice president and then kill the president.

That's what I was thinking.

Honestly, Chris.

Yeah, I was thinking the same thing.

I was like, you know what?

He is going to convince his little puppet, J.D.

vance, to run for president.

Yeah.

And name him as the running baby.

Because that's the only loophole.

That's the loophole to have a third term as president.

You could just tell looking at J.D.

vance, he's got a huge anal cavity.

For Trump to stick his hand up and just control him like a puppet.

Just tell.

Oh, 100.

He looks like a puppet.

Kind of.

He actually looks like.

Like if you drew the little lines on him, I would think that he was a puppet.

A marionette.

But he's got sunken eyes, too.

You should get a health check on him.

Nick, have you ever controlled anybody?

Like.

Can't say I have.

You should start calling it showing your mar.

Your marionette.

No, you're his marionette.

Who's the marionette?

Is a marionette.

The guy who controls the puppet.

Puppeteer.

I don't know.

Puppeteer.

What is a marionette?

Well, there's two different things.

A puppet.

Is that a racial term?

Are we.

Are we being incredibly racist?

I think.

It probably is.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I think it is the golden age.

You're right.

We can say anything we want at this point.

I think a puppet is like the general broad term for all these little things, because you have the.

The one type of puppet that you shove your hand through and, you know, do with your fist.

And then you have the other one, the marionette with the little sticks and the strings, you know, like Pinocchio.

I got no strings to hold.

Oh, yeah.

So he's definitely not marionette.

He's the.

He's the fisting kind of puppet.

Yeah, he's all like a Jeff Dunham.

What?

Oh, like a ventriloquist.

Ventriloquist dummy.

Like a dummy.

J.D.

vance is the dummy.

Clearly.

Okay, so.

So on Chat.

GPT.

What's a marionette?

They say.

Said.

Exactly.

You know, Using the string.

So I said, what puppet can you.

Fist sock puppets, Muppet style puppets, traditional glove puppets.

And J.D.

vance is actually the fourth.

Actually just kind of interesting.

It's.

It's funny.

So, you know, I wasn't gonna watch the inaugurate inauguration, but I was off today, and I was like, you know what?

I.

The inauguration.

I did, I did.

I requested it all months in advance.

It is a national holiday.

I wanted to see my brethren get pardoned and return to civilization.

Joe Biden's family.

You're talking about his immediate family?

No, I'm talking about the.

The J6 hostages.

To say I thought they were your enemy.

I say the J6 hostage hostages.

The hostages of the J6.

Forget about the Israeli hostages.

Let's release the J6 hostages.

Yes.

That's the priority.

We've got to prioritize our hostages.

We have to prioritize.

Yes.

These.

These gentlemen and women of the J6 hostage crisis, they served our country.

They fought for our democracy, and they did.

They.

They fought for what they believed in and what they knew was right because that was their house, and they have every right to be in there.

I think you're.

You're right.

I.

I get it now.

The moment of clarity.

See?

And who said you can't turn people on Facebook?

I just heard, you know, so I.

Look, I had to watch today because I needed to see the train wreck.

And as a podcast host, I feel like I have a responsibility to stay up on this kind of stuff.

I was scared when he gave his official inauguration address.

And, like, let's think about inauguration addresses for a moment.

Like, JFK had this beautiful, you know, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country.

Like, there are some iconic moments, for sure.

Yeah.

Iconic.

Iconic moments.

Biden said.

Who that was.

That was really.

That was really beautiful.

But I was scared.

I was scared.

I'm signing an executive order to close the borders, and I'm like, I'm going to Mexico in a couple months.

Am I going to be able to get back?

Or are they just going to see how this American and just take me down?

I.

I don't know.

You're really white, so you're fine.

You couldn't even pretend.

I'm talking about the.

The.

The Mexican cartel.

Are they going to take me out because I'm American?

Oh, yeah.

Because according to Trump, there's nothing but rapists and murderers in Mexico.

That's all that there is.

And sandals have to let us know.

I almost feel like that might be the better option to just go to Mexico and stay there.

Just stay there.

The weather's nice.

It's, it's warm.

I, I don't care about it anymore.

Yeah.

So we are, we are going to be flying over the Gulf of America in February to, to.

You'll be able to see Mount McKinley from your air.

We have so many things as a country to worry about.

A lot happened today.

A lot, A lot happened today.

What happened this weekend, Nick?

It's been a whirlwind.

It's a news cycle.

No, it has been like I have, I have a list.

Like this is the longest prepared list I have for an episode, I think since like episode four where I like took it super seriously and had like a book for.

It's insane all the stuff that's happened.

So.

Okay, let's talk first about the Tick Tock ban.

So for months and months and months they, we.

I have been made fun of about my midlife crisis and my going live on, on the Tick Tock and, and I did not believe that Tick Tock was going away.

And, and it's just been this whole cloud of, of doubt and uncertainty around the world.

You are a Trump guy, aren't you, Scott?

Just denying Supreme Court rulings.

I, well, you know, I figured, you know, Mr.

Beast or someone was going to come in and buy TikTok because like there's a lot of money that this, this Chinese company is going to lose out by losing 170 million subscribers.

Plus I also thought, okay, these elected officials that voted yes on this, they're going to see, wait a second, 170 million users.

That's 170 million votes.

Maybe we should rethink this.

Like the will of the American people is to have TikTok, but that's also.

170 more million more people going to meta.

That's what they're, that's what they're.

Noggins was using.

Because listen, okay, at the inauguration you have, you have in the front row family members, you know, the Vance family, the Trump family.

In the back row you had Trump's cabinet.

Right behind the family was Zuckerberg, Bezos, Elon Musk, the, the CEO of Google.

You see Zuckerberg sneak a peek at, at Bezos's escort.

Oh, I didn't see that.

Oh, you'll also send you a video.

Okay, so, so we're, we're coming up to this Tick Tock band and I haven't been live in a while but you know, I've got a lot I've made a lot of acquaintances on the Tick Tock, you know, shut up, Tiffany, Ben, Toy, dad, Bod.

You know, there's so many people that I've connected with the defunct Mexican cartel.

So many people.

So many people.

And, you know, we used to have so much fun going live.

So on.

On the night before.

Tick Tock's gonna go dark.

I'm on Tick Tock.

I've been on Tick Tock in months and I'm going through and everybody's crying, everybody's saying goodbye to each other and I can't help it.

I'm.

I'm just scrolling, scrolling and I'm gifting, gifting, gifting.

Like I.

Because I still have like 100 coins left.

I had to get rid of them because I'm like, these are going to be useless tomorrow.

Like kind of like the US Dollar.

And.

And it was so sad, so sad.

And then all of a sudden, 8:30 goes dark.

Wasn't.

And 8:30.

It was 10.

I don't know, whatever.

It went dark.

It was early here.

It went dark for everybody at different times.

It did a random thing.

Well, what I found is when, when people were getting the notifications, I was still on it.

It wasn't until I closed the app and went back on.

That's when I got the notification.

I was seeing all of the texts come through on the chat and I'm like, I can't read the text.

I don't want to close it because I was still scrolling.

It slowly, slowly shut down on me, though.

I think the funniest thing about this whole thing is that it was banned for a reason.

Right?

It's banned because it's a national security risk and an enemy country has access to.

Access to what we see and, and our information.

Right?

And everyone's like, yeah, but I don't care.

I just want to watch a thirst trap do a little dance on my, on my, on my phone at 3.

They're welcome.

Yes, it's.

It's kind of scary where we are at the world.

We are prioritized.

What's really crazy is there was a big group of people that went to another app called RedNote, which is literally the Chinese version of TikTok.

And it's all.

It's all in Mandarin, literally tiny.

It's literally like they don't even hide the fact that it's a Chinese, Chinese app.

And I'm like, what is happening here?

And everybody was like, I'm just gonna give.

I'm Just gonna give my information to China.

My social sign up.

Sure.

Mother's maiden name.

No problem.

High school mascot, the Bumblebee.

So, okay, I'm, I'm getting into this hype as things are closing down and I start like, I.

True story.

And Hannah's in chat right now.

She to this.

I start texting her and I'm like, I'm so sad.

I'm so glad that I met you and that we've been like, I'm having this moment with someone that I'm actually friends with that, like, I can text back and forth at any point.

That we've had zero interaction via Tik Tok in months.

But I'm, I'm getting like super emotional about this.

It's like, these were the best times of my life.

And I'm like.

And then like the next day I'm thinking, what was I thinking?

The best times of my life.

This was like a three month span when I went live every week.

So now, Chris, once it went dark, Once it went dark, I refreshed that son of a.

Every 10 minutes, hoping, hoping and praying that somehow it was gonna change.

Start splashing water on your face, hoping it's a bad dream.

Yeah, I, I put my phone in rice.

I'm like, well, maybe this will get the tick tock back.

Maybe this will lower the Chinese.

Fried rice.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Mine was bor.

But it's a fact that Chinese.

The lucky thing is I did a terrible impression.

So nobody's going to pick up on that.

Pretty good.

Thank you.

So here's what I thought was brilliant.

So the, the message that comes on the, on the screen is, you know, unfortunately, we, we've had to go dark, but we've been assured that incoming President Trump is going to rectify this or whatever.

And I'm like, you know what?

Donald Trump is playing 40 chess.

Tell him it was me.

While the are playing goddamn checkers.

Okay?

Because Trump started this whole nonsense about banning tik tok.

Like, remember when, like, there was a tik tok trend that like, everybody was like, we're going to buy up all these tickets to his rally and nobody showed up.

And so he's like, tik tok's got to go.

It's, you know, many people are saying it's the word.

That's the.

The Chinese are, are monitoring us.

Was that a FDR accent?

Was it a fireside check?

Listen, I, I don't Trump.

So like, he orchestrated this all so that he could be the hero when he brings it back.

Because I gotta tell you, when it came back the next morning, I immediately said, well, maybe this Trump guy is not so bad.

Joe Biden.

They're like, what's a Tic Tac?

I love Tic Tacs.

The reality this is how easily we're manipulated.

And then in the 11th hour, Biden says, I'm not going to enforce the ban.

So it was Biden the whole time, but Trump's gonna take credit for it.

Oh, what a time to be alive.

Huh, Sarah, Listen, I actually did get rid of my Facebook and Instagram.

Good for you.

Oh, why?

I did.

Well, I'd been looking for an excuse for a long time anyways, and I just.

I was like, you know what?

I'm done with all the drama, really, with it.

But now there's all these rumors about Tick Tock being bought by them anyways.

So of course, naturally, you know what, I can scroll past the negativity.

But I, you know, I was like, all these friends that I have on Facebook, for the most part, of course I don't talk to them.

They wouldn't know if I was gone.

Anyways, like, I noticed.

You know, I would notice.

I wept.

I would notice things.

Guys.

Well, thanks.

Nobody noticed until now.

Yeah, in all honesty, I didn't realize you were gone.

No, I mean, I don't ever post anything.

I literally don't.

It.

It doesn't take anything away from my life that I don't have it.

But I enjoyed Tick Tock because I used it as a.

As my Google.

Like, that was my.

That was my go to.

Wait a second.

Really?

Wait a second.

What were you Googling on Tick Tock?

No, I mean, like, listen, if I wanted to look something up, like, I don't know what to do with my hair or my makeup or something like that, like, instead of going through all this, I just went on Tick Tock.

Oh, see?

Somebody do it.

And I was like, okay, that's quick and easy.

I'm gonna do that.

You know, I like watching real people.

Your algorithm is much different than mine.

My algorithm has changed so much, though.

I opened my Tick Tock, I was there when it came back on.

I was actually showing a co worker how it wasn't working, and it was a black screen.

And I kept refreshing, refreshing, went to my messages, tried to show her that I couldn't open a video, and then I went back and all of a sudden refreshed it again and it popped up.

But I texted Lewis and I was like, go to your Tick Tock.

And then not too much long later, you guys were texting, saying, tick, Tock's back.

Like, that was the strangest thing, because I was there when it shut down, and I was there when it came back up.

Yeah, it was weirdest.

12 hours that I've experienced in a while was.

I'm glad it's back, though.

So my.

My algorithm, Sarah, is.

Is watching a bunch of videos of.

You want to know how you're.

How to get your husband to do what you want much faster.

And it's a video of the wife saying, hey, can you help me with the trash?

And he goes, oh, in a few minutes.

And then she flashes him, and he's like, all right, I'll be right up.

That's all I watch, is a bunch of that stuff.

Hopefully watch those.

Yeah, I was gonna rewatch it.

Like you're watching Titanic.

Like, they.

You got to miss the iceberg this time.

Even though you know what's gonna happen.

Right.

You saw this video six times on your feed before.

Maybe this time you see a different angle.

Yeah.

Or maybe there's a mirror that they missed.

Maybe start looking at faucets and stuff.

Zoom in.

Enhanced.

Like hardware in the kitchen.

That pan is kind of angled towards Chris.

It's like.

You're not going to remember this, but, like, back in the 80s, you know, your television had access to every channel, but.

So, like, you'd get to the porn channels, and you couldn't see anything.

It was just like fuzz.

You could kind of hear it, but it was like fuzz.

Or distorted.

But like, every once in a while, if you.

If you, like, looked and squinted and turned your head just right, you see the side of a boob.

Wow.

It was Channel one back in the day.

Channel one, yeah.

See, Nick.

Yeah.

Nick knows.

Nick knows.

He was looking for the different porn channel.

Yeah.

Not the same.

There was.

So they were just porn on live tv.

Yeah, but you couldn't see it.

It was all distorted Cinemax, but you had to.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was behind a paywall.

You had to pay for it.

It was part of your monthly bill, but it was still there.

Like, that's the thing is to act like all the channels were there, but you couldn't see them.

So, like hbo, you could hear the movie, but you couldn't see it unless you upgraded your package.

Blind people were like, I'm not paying for anything.

So.

So it was funny.

All the characters at this.

You know, all these tech mobiles at the moguls at this inauguration.

But the most fascinating was Elon Musk welcoming us all to the Fourth Reich and.

And giving the Nazi salute not only once, but twice.

Just in case you didn't see the first time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he turned around to make sure that everybody else saw.

Sarah, did you see that?

I saw it on Tick Tock.

Thank God.

She.

She Tick Tocked.

So that's like Google Tick Tocked Offensive hand gestures.

That was the one random thing that popped up in all of the European content that has flooded my for you page now.

Nick, how are you with the.

The Tick Tock blackout period?

I was sad about it because I lost all my hot shirtless men.

They moved to the Instagram at least, so I was able to enjoy that for a few hours.

Okay.

And then we went back to Tick Tock yesterday and our algorithms were all sorts of up.

Yeah, none of my Disney people are coming up right now.

No, it was.

Yeah, mine is normally like Disney Wicked or hot shirtless men.

Like those are like my main three, like, algorithm things.

Yeah.

Last night.

We're hot shirtless men doing Wicked or Disney stuff.

Yes, doing wicked stuff.

That's the site.

Wicked dot com.

Yeah.

We got into some rabbit holes last night with everything that started popping up on Tick Tock and all these conspiracy theories about meta and everything.

So it was.

It's been interesting times right now.

Very interesting, interesting times.

I'm just glad it's back.

I've already started in my head, like, planning a live site.

Like, I got.

I gotta go to the parks again.

I gotta go live.

Like, I'm gonna get my gimbal out.

Out of the dust balls.

Yeah.

He was talking about getting like.

I called him yesterday when I told my dad that Tick Tock was coming back.

And he was like, he's like, I'm trying to get laid right now.

And I was like, but Tik Tok's back.

And then he immediately hung up and I got home and he's just scrolling.

He's been scrolling the entire time.

I.

And then.

And then he says to me, goes, didn't get laid, did you?

I said, nope, scroll, scroll.

The ladder is just really, really quick.

So that was today.

Now you know what?

Let's hear from.

Let's.

Let's hear from Giles Garmin in the more you know.

And now it's time for the more you know.

And here's your host child, Garmin.

Hey there, Giles Garmin here, letting you.

That's into the Disney Verse.

D I Z N E Y V E R S E and that's all from me, Giles Garmin.

That was it.

That was quick.

Last week it was like 12 minutes, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Is he mad at us?

I don't know.

Maybe TikTok helped him out.

Chris, is there any.

That was it.

Okay, so story behind this.

I think he is a little mad because you never told him we weren't recording last week.

Well, he never sent me anything last week.

He was gonna do a gag and you were pissed about how long it was.

You were pissed about how long it was.

So I don't know if you guys.

I don't.

Well, you made a comment about it, so he was playing off of that.

All right, okay.

Stick with the bit.

So.

So I don't know if you guys listen into the Disney Verse, but there's the Garmin brothers.

It's Giles.

And then there's Gerald.

And Gerald and I play Gerald and I just wait.

It's you.

Holy.

And so we had like a 12 minute segment that was just all three of us just bantering and it was really long, drug out and really bad.

And that was.

But since it was time sensitive because of the this Week on Disney Verse, he.

I guess he didn't send it because.

Because we skipped a week.

But like now that I'm thinking about it, I guess he could have just changed the beginning.

Right?

But that's the story.

So we did save.

We did save eight.

Eight to 11.

Well, okay.

Goodbye.

Skipping a week.

So maybe.

I think.

I guess you won.

Well, Giles Garmin, I.

I apologize for any confusion.

You know, I.

I went to.

I went to Disney with Darren and my dad last Monday and I didn't know if we were going to get.

That's not like a Costco thing, right?

You actually went to Disney?

Oh my God.

We haven't said that in forever.

Curious.

I don't know what you guys doing in Florida.

No, it was a fun day.

We went to Animal Kingdom first and then Hollywood Studios.

Really cool.

You know, I wasn't.

We didn't really.

I didn't have many stories from this other than the.

And I fell asleep, like snoring during Muppet Vision 4D.

Not because I was drinking, but because it's that terrible.

Just kidding.

I was drinking.

Muppet Vision 3D first off.

What's that?

3D, not 4D.

Muppet Vision.

Oh yeah.

Muppet Vision 3D.

Okay, 40.

Yeah, yeah.

The better, the better one.

So rip.

So, you know, a couple of weeks ago, I told you guys that I got to interview Kevin Broussard, the original indie stuntman from the Indiana Jones Stunt show.

Wait, you.

I thought that's really cool.

On Creators United.

I'm glad you followed his name by what he did, because nobody knows who Kevin Brossard is.

Well, I know that.

That's why I said what he did.

Anyway, so interviewed him with Dane on Creators United.

So interview.

Oh, it was so much fun.

I'm gonna.

They're really big get.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

This is a big deal for me.

Okay.

Remember your.

Your Vince Papali?

Nobody knows who that is.

Oh, the guy who.

They made a movie about Scott.

Movie about Kevin Brossard's main actor too.

Anyway, was a whole movie by you and your sister.

So.

So we go to the Indiana Jones show and Kevin is playing the director.

Wait, wait, wait.

Before we go on, I do want to.

I just.

For anybody wondering at home, when I said, was it a home movie by you and your sister, it was because they would reenact this thing.

I could not let that go.

Thank.

When they were kids, they would reenact the Indiana Jones stunt show.

Anybody who's been listening to this show for a while knows that this was.

For people who haven't been.

Okay, good.

Good point.

Good point.

We could have new listeners.

Not many, but we could.

We don't want.

We don't want to paint you in any different of a light then you already have.

Jesus.

Exactly.

Yeah.

It's okay to.

To paint me out to be a racist and a pedophile, but yeah, yeah, that.

Guess furry family is okay.

Scott told me that.

So.

So.

So we.

We.

After the show, I'm like, well, let me.

Let me go say hi to Kevin.

Kevin again.

Kevin Persard, the original indie stuntman.

Oh, he's the original indie stuntman from the show.

From the movies.

You haven't said that before.

Oh, my God.

There was an Indian TV show from.

The epic Stunt Spectacular at Hollywood Studios.

So.

So, you know, I.

I've been drinking all day.

And during the Indiana Jones show, I had two.

Like, I had two beers during that show.

So I am two double fist again.

So I have a lot of courage.

So I go up and I'm like, Kevin.

And he looks at me.

I was like, you know, I interviewed you a couple.

And he's like, Scott gives me this.

Brings me in.

Gives me this big old hug.

It really cool picture of him.

Hug Me.

What you can't see is I'm sobbing because I'm like, he remembers me.

We're best friends now.

It was.

It was really cool.

And I felt really bad three days later when I looked at the group chat and I saw that I didn't text back about it.

I'm used to it.

Yeah.

I kind of figured it was already baked into the cake, but I was really happy for you.

I.

I watched the live photo, like, three times.

Such a cool moment.

My dad was like, wow, he was genuinely excited to see you.

That was like.

That's the cool thing about him is that he, like, you could tell even in the.

The 1 1/2 second live photo that he was like, that was not fake.

He did not.

He did not have to hug you.

No, no.

I was fine with a handshake.

And even if he said, oh, yeah, I remember you.

Thanks for coming to the show, that would.

That would have been fine for my interaction.

But the hug.

And then.

And then I was like, well, can we take a picture with.

And he's like, absolutely.

And he kicked the rope down.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, it was.

It was a cool moment.

Did you get my hand job, too?

I did.

Not surprised.

That was the end of the live photo, actually.

You can see this, the starting of it.

He watched just long enough.

So here's the thing, though, is like a week before, Darren was patient zero with the bubonic plague.

It's true.

Like.

Like super sick.

And at first I thought it was just vaginitis because he was, like, sick for two days, and then he was, like, out, out and about partying.

And then he was sick for another.

Four days, wasn't out and about partying.

So.

Just kidding.

For legal purposes, that is a joke.

So I don't know how this happened.

Yes, Darren.

No, there's a kitten.

Sorry, I got distracted.

Oh, sorry.

So you said bubonic plague.

Bubonic plague.

That's funny.

When I was in town, I gave Nick the Dick Donnic play.

So I don't know how this happened, but.

But the very next week, both Rachel and Abby both get super sick.

You don't know how contagion works.

Well, they didn't.

They didn't come anywhere near Darren.

They also didn't go anywhere near him.

I was gonna stay away from that as far as I could.

Okay.

So as far as I could listen, when I said it, when it came out of my mouth, when I.

When it came out of my mouth, when I was dropping the joke, I forgot that I Looped my daughter into that sentence.

Okay, okay, okay.

I was a little confused.

So, anyway, they didn't go anywhere near Darren.

Like, if anything, I was the closest to him, and that was about six feet.

So you came close to him.

What I.

What I learned from COVID is as long as I stay six feet away, I'm good.

Good.

Right?

Exactly.

So they both get sick, and I'm.

And we have conspiracy theories.

Like, Darren's like, well, cats carry human viruses, and, you know, the cat was in my face, and then the cat was in the.

Rachel in.

In Abby's face, so that's probably how it happened.

And I said, okay.

Meanwhile, I get home, and they're both, like, running me all over the place.

I put in, like, my steps in in about five minutes, because one of them is, can you get me this?

And then they wait till I get upstairs.

Can you get me this?

And then I have to go down, back downstairs, and then back up to Sarah.

You know, it's server life.

No, it's not even that.

I just recognize it with the kids every time I sit down and get comfortable.

Okay, back up.

I think you're.

I think your wife was just running up and downstairs because she doesn't often get to see you go downstairs.

That or she's trying to like it, get the heart attack going faster so that she can move on with her life.

So.

So I don't want to get sick because I know I have this Disney day coming up, so I look like every day.

For you, though.

That is true.

But.

But I like.

It was with my dad.

Right.

You know, I go to Disney maybe once or twice a year with my dad, so.

Chris, I look like I was getting ready for a Joe Biden rally.

I'm wearing a mask inside the house.

Nonsense nonstop.

Like, nobody's around me, but I'm just wearing the mask to.

To not get sick.

Here's.

Here's the funny thing, because we've talked about the man flu before, and I don't know, Chris, if you do this, but now, because, okay, my life revolves around people making fun of me.

I mean, like, on this podcast, it's.

It's an hour and a half of ridicule.

You have no choice.

I have no choice.

At work, people make fun of me.

It's just.

It's just part of my shtick.

And I like it.

You know, it makes me laugh.

You ever think people just hate you?

You?

Maybe.

Maybe, like.

Maybe these people just don't like me, and they're serious.

This got dark.

Real Quick.

I was just kidding.

Okay.

So I find myself now when I get sick, I underplay how sick I am because I don't like being made fun of by mostly my wife, like, oh, you got the man flu and all that.

Meanwhile, she has me running up and down the stairs getting different things.

I was like, what the hell is going on here?

There.

But Ellie got the bubonic plague, right?

Yeah.

It sucks too, when babies get it because then you got to use that thing to suck stuff out of their nose.

You love that thing, though.

But she's, she's getting.

Yeah, but she's getting.

Yes, exactly, Nick.

That's the exact one you, I, I've upgraded from this, the plunger to the one you put in your mouth.

Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes you get a little bit of reward.

No, I'm kidding.

So the, the thing that sucks is when she was a baby, she didn't really have good hand eye coordination.

Now she's doing taekwondo, trying to get this.

Get this straw out of her nose.

Right?

So she, I have to, like, I'm home.

When I'm home alone with her, which is for like 45 minutes, I have to pin her arms down and then use with, like, with my elbows and then stick the straw at her nose and then give a nice little.

And then, yeah, then she's good.

But yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's.

At first it was gross, and then I was like, there's something satisfying about this, something satisfied.

You just.

I, I've just learned that parenting, you just turn into a sick.

It's like, like, like you start like, I, I, I, I got that dad nose thing to clean the diapers now.

I enjoy the smell of.

It's like now, now, now.

It's like when she shits, first of all.

So you don't use the little thing.

In fact, I take some of the, and rub it on the, Like Chris lines under his eyes after I changed my first poop without the dad nose.

It's like after your first kill, you rub the blood on your face.

I rubbed the, on my face and I went downstairs.

Like, look what I did.

Chris, is like, like when, when people are, are around bad smells, they put like that Vicks vapor rub in there.

Yeah, he just puts, you know, the little.

Yeah, so we could smell that.

Yeah, yeah.

It's so long without her pooping.

So you might.

Exactly, exactly.

It's a reward.

It's her.

When she, when she poops.

Poops.

I, you know what's crazy too, is she waited Till Emily went back to work for her to start pooping twice in the mornings.

Now it's like, this is what I get.

No, but now it's like, it's, it's fun.

Like, now it's like, it feels like I'm accomplishing something.

I'm, I'm wiping, I'm wiping away.

I use.

I don't know if it's, nor is it normal to use, like, 30 baby wipes.

A thousand percent.

Okay.

I would go through a box per diaper.

Yeah.

I felt like I was wasting a little bit.

But then again, I drive an electric car, so waste out.

I have the scale of environment you're saving in.

Yeah, yeah.

So I always do that.

I, I, I'll throw a, I'll throw a soda can in the trash.

What, what are you doing?

I'm like, I drive an electric car.

I can do this.

It's, it's, it's like the NW pass, but for recycling.

Like, I have the recycling pass.

If I was black, I could say that.

If I, but since it's recycling, I drive an electric car, I can throw a can in the trash.

Regular trash.

Speaking of recycling, real quick, so you know how I, I bitched about how, like, they came down with all these rules, like, you can't bag and the thing you have to unload everything, and it can't be like this, and it has to be this, and you can't do this, and you can't.

I guess we were so bad at it that the recycling company fired the city of Winter Garden, so we have no more recycling anymore.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Yeah.

Like, they took our bins and everything.

Welcome to Trump's America.

I haven't had it for years.

Like, every place I've lived now hasn't had it.

Right.

I think we're the last city in, in Florida that had it.

I'm so glad we derailed Chris's story for recycling.

Well, I don't even remember what I was talking about.

Smearing on my face.

Yeah, she had a cold.

She got over it.

I didn't get it, though.

I made sure while she was, while she had the cold, I made sure I was on a strict, strict diet of McDonald's, which everyone knows boosts the antibodies.

Right.

I think RFK is actually implementing that.

But anyway, there's so many germs in the McDonald's food that you're just putting it in.

Like, it's.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I get excited when she gets sick, so I'm like, man, she's gonna be her Immune system is just so strong.

Now you gotta look at the glass half full or else you're just upset about everything.

As a parent, I'm learning very quickly too.

Right.

She's starting to stand on when grabbing things.

She's starting to, like, grab things and stand up, which is kind of annoying because she just comes over and I think she's being cute.

And then she starts climbing, Climbing me and grabbing anything she can grab onto, which is usually my beard or my hair.

I'm not very tall.

She's almost as tall as me.

It's a little alarming.

I'm so used to, like, sitting down and stuff.

Now when she stands up, I'm like, we're almost eye to eye and she's got two little teeth coming in the top and she has the two teeth in the bottom.

And again, stuff that I never thought I'd think about.

Like her two teeth coming in the bottom, but one's a little crooked.

I'm like, man, there's $8,000 on braces right there.

I'm just looking.

I'm just starting for braces now.

No, now's the.

Like, you can.

You can kind of help form it.

So, like, as it comes in, just push it a little bit each day.

You'll be fine.

Yeah, it's a baby.

Like, that's.

They have soft spots in their head.

So they have soft spots in their gums.

Just move the teeth over.

I have sculpted her head.

So.

Damn teeth.

My teeth are up.

My teeth are pretty.

That's because I didn't know back then.

I didn't know that you didn't hold your child until he was.

Yeah, 22.

Really wasn't around that much, so, you know.

So I'll have to sculpt the teeth.

I'm gonna double check with Chat GPT real quick and then I'll do it.

Yeah, get her a mouth guard.

Like a Steph Curry mouth guard.

Oh, yeah.

It's a good idea.

Yeah, that's a really good idea.

Muzzle.

Maybe we'll do is wire her jaw shut at the age of eight months.

And I mean, you could do that.

So they.

So they come in.

So they come in straight.

Okay, so mouth guard.

So the teeth grow in straight.

Correct.

Or gay.

Or gay.

I don't discriminate.

They can come in any way they want.

They can grow in as an ally.

Yes, yes.

Allied.

Maybe that's what she has then.

Maybe she's just an ally from birth.

Not straight teeth.

She has allied teeth.

That's what I'm gonna say.

Anyway, when her teeth are, like, just so messed up when she's old.

Why didn't you do this?

Because you're an ally.

But if she was gay.

The gays have perfect teeth.

Oh, well, too.

So if she's not gay, she has to show people that she supports.

So that's why her teeth are not straight.

Let's see.

I, I.

This is.

That's what I'm gonna tell her.

I'm gonna just be thanking myself that I'm saving $8,000 on freezes, teaching a good lesson.

She's gonna be like, dad, why didn't you ever get my teeth fixed?

Because we don't say straight in this house.

Oh, my God.

That's.

There's your answer.

Darren.

Nick, how organized are your teeth?

Your pantries and closets and whatnot?

I started my new year, new me thing, and it lasted about a week.

Oh, that's a pretty long time.

I got through the pantry.

I claim I have this, like, test thing that I printed out, and it's basically like one item or one place in the house per week, and the first week was clean out the pantry.

So I did that and found not one, not two, but five containers of beef broth.

Ooh, bone broth or regular?

Just regular beef broth.

Just regular beef broth?

Yeah.

Beef broth guy.

No, I've never cooked with beef Roth, so the only person that would have bought it is my husband.

And let me tell you this.

So beef Roth.

I.

Did we talk about this?

No.

No.

So beef broth, like, when you buy it on the store, it lasts like two years or something, right?

I guess.

I'd assume.

Yeah, I'd assume it lasts for a while.

It's like a can.

Good.

It lasts forever.

So maybe, maybe they ran out of toilet paper and he just switched to beef broth.

I don't know.

It's like, well, I couldn't get you any toilet paper, but here's four things.

Five.

Five.

Not only that, I found a can of beef broth.

So they make it in cans, too, apparently.

Don't know what you use it for, but threw that crap out.

And then I have just not had energy.

Oh.

I've been busy working, so I haven't had time to do everything else.

Salts on top of.

School was canceled last week because of snow, and tomorrow we already have a cancellation because it's going to be negative 8 degrees outside.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

So we literally Just got a phone call like an hour ago saying school's canceled tomorrow already.

Meanwhile, Sarah and I are dying here.

It's like 43.

Oh my God.

Awful.

I could use that.

I thought you were dying because it's 47.

Go ahead.

Dying.

I'm enjoying it a little bit because I know that we're gonna absolutely, absolutely hate it when it's 105 degrees.

We will, we will.

But I'll tell you this.

Last week, and I don't mind the cold either, but it's been cold and gloomy.

I haven't seen the sun in a week.

I need some vitamin D.

Like it's, it's been.

You need some vitamin what?

The sun produces vitamin D.

I know.

Somebody else produces some vitamin D.

Maybe.

A little vitamin C as well.

I prefer vitamin P anyway.

Penis.

So anyway, Nick, go ahead.

Sorry.

I mean, that's really about it.

My cleaning process, it's, it's just been busy right now and I heard you guys had an organizer though.

We did, we did.

So, Sarah, your, your, your pantry, nice and organized.

Oh, of course.

Everything in my house is organized.

Everything, I'm sure, has labels and, and in its own containers.

They do.

I can tell by your face they do.

No, I've been waiting to buy the perfect label maker, but I do want one.

I am that person.

I know, but everything is organized and everybody knows exactly where it goes.

Like I, I'm very particular about stuff.

Nice.

It's my one fault.

To a fault, you said.

Yeah, probably.

So we've got this pantry and this pantry.

Like the pantry is not the size proportion to the rest of the house.

Like it's this teeny, tiny little pantry.

And I would say it's an average size pantry.

It's not the size of my kitchen.

It's the perfect size pantry.

Sarah says it's probably the size of her kitchen.

So this.

I don't even know that Chris could fit in my pantry.

It's so small.

Oh, thank you.

I did lose a little bit of weight.

Skinny, not that small.

So I have, I have over the years have tried to clean it out and organize it and I just lose this battle because, you know, Rachel comes home with five bags and then it gets just thrown in there.

So like every time I clean it, there's Nick to your point.

With the five beef bases, I will find about four to six chicken based things.

I'll find eight to ten cans of green beans.

And I'm like, like we, like, she has no idea what, what we have in here.

So she just keeps buying it.

So she hired an organizer, and I'm like, isn't that your job?

Why are you outsourcing this?

And she's like, don't you outsource the cleaning company?

And I'm like, touche.

So this lady comes over, and they become best friends.

Like, I.

It would not have shocked me if I came home to them making out.

They.

Are you.

Just like that.

And I guess he'd really be coming home, huh?

Yeah, I would have been coming home at that point.

Talk about a homecoming.

Yep.

Coming all over the home and then arriving.

So.

No, just coming.

So it.

It.

She did a really good job.

Everything is labeled now.

Everything is.

Is, you know, in its place and.

And perfect and.

But I.

I guess people do that for a living.

They go in and they organize people's pantries, not just the pantry.

That's my dream job, Sarah.

You got to get into it.

I mean, I think this lady charged us, like, 400 bucks for eight hours.

Oh, my gosh.

Eight to eight.

Hold on.

It took eight hours to organize the pantry and everything that got organized in the kitchen?

Yeah, yeah.

The whole kitchen.

Crazy.

Including under the sink.

I know.

My sink was a.

That was a disaster.

I know.

Rachel showed me yesterday.

She was very proud.

She was like.

It was like, come here, or you.

Need to look at all this plumbing.

Yeah, that would be me.

100%, actually.

I know that that's me.

Why haven't I hung out with Rachel yet?

I.

I don't think she exists.

I want to come over to your house and see your organized kitchen now.

Okay.

And have a glass of wine with.

Her, and then you can visit.

I can't wait for the title of this episode.

We'll have to make that happen.

We'll have to make that.

It's just the problem is the schedule.

We have three different types of schedules.

Between you, you and Lewis, and then me, and then Rachel, because Rachel has, like, a big person job where she works Monday through Friday.

Like, she.

She's off on weekends, so she's got, like, a real job.

And you, me and Lewis, we work in hospitality and restaurants, so, like, our schedule's all over the place.

And then I'm off Sundays and Mondays.

So, like, Saturday night would be a great night, but, like, you guys work Sunday morning.

Don't sell yourself short.

I would consider any job that you hold a big person job.

Got him.

That was funny.

All right, you guys ready to play?

Jersey man.

Florida man.

Yeah.

Where the Flipping a fanboat, a crash in a truck.

These states are filled with people who suck.

So it's time for us to play.

New Jersey man versus Florida man.

Every week, game master Ryan brings us two news stories.

One is from Jersey, one is from Florida.

It's up to us to determine which one is which.

Take it away, Ryan.

Hey, this is Ryan.

You're in the field news reporter for the Parents Night out news team.

And I want to thank Mags or SG or Giles Garmin, whatever the hell his name is for filling in for me last week.

And I want to thank Scott for giving me the paid day off.

I spent my January 6th like every red blooded American should at the new Gulf of America.

I was there for the ceremony when they drained the Gulf and then immediately refilled it with the tears of liberals.

It was glorious.

I also want to wish everybody a happy New Year.

I spent that night waiting for the ball to drop, which Scott has been waiting for for 45 years or so.

Anyways, today I'm reporting to you live from a hibachi place in New Jersey where they are apparently setting Bino Grinch hobbits on.

Everybody knows that's the best way to get rid of one.

Upon seeing video of the flaming gremlin, Scott said.

Wow, you pulled out so quick.

Quick?

Well, of course he did, Scott, he doesn't want a.

Darren.

Sorry, Darren.

Scott has eaten nothing but hibachi since Chris said they, quote, put Saki and little Japanese boys there.

Anyway, Sarah, what do you think of this?

Speaking of Sarah, I was a little disappointed to hear that your mother got you the same gift that I did.

Being Jewish, I got you a fire blanket too.

You can never be too safe, right?

We are just receiving word that a man in Florida has just been arrested due to evidence found on his Google glasses.

We actually have the evidence.

What did this man Google?

Chloroform.

We also have part of the conversation he had with a minor.

Do you want to hold the.

Hold it and play with it.

Sounds like uncle got got.

Got arrested.

Seems like a pretty open and shut case.

Speaking of terrible people, let's get into this week's stories from New Jersey and Florida.

And for our first story, a woman spends $25,000 on TikTok.

And for our second story, rough sex leads to shots fire.

That Ohio.

Wow, I.

I forgot about the albino Grinch.

Do you remember that, Chris?

No.

Yeah, you were.

Yeah.

Emily had taken a picture and you.

Were in the back at night at all.

You looked like an albino Grinch.

Yeah, like, what is that?

I have no.

Actually no idea.

What you're talking about.

Okay, Sounds funny though.

We've got.

We've got TikTok overspender and we've got shots fired after a great night of sex.

Nick, what do you think?

I feel like all the TikTok videos come from Florida, so let's go with that.

All right.

Darren, it's tough because I know a TikTok overspender, but I also fire some shots every time I have some.

So I'm gonna say tick tock Florida.

Sarah.

I just feel bad for Rachel being on this episode this week.

I'm gonna go tick tock, Flor.

Chris.

I'm gonna go Shots Fired New Jersey.

Because I don't think Shots Fired Florida would even make the news.

So I think he's throwing us for a loop because we're all gonna, you know, make the joke.

Oh, Scott.

The Tik Tok overspender.

So it's got to be Florida.

So I'm gonna say Tik Tok overspender is New Jersey and Shots Fired Florida.

Let's find out the answer.

So our first story is from New Jersey where a 65 year old woman spent $25,000 on Tik Tok.

Most of this money was spent on TikTok battles.

I know another elderly man that spent almost this much going through a midlife crisis on TikTok.

So that means.

Our second story is from Florida where a 61 year old man and his 33 year old boyfriend were getting sexually intimate.

When things got a little out of hand, the younger man smacked the 61 year old man's butt a little bit too hard, which led to an argument and then shots fucking fired.

No one was injured by the shots.

It's too bad the shots didn't hit the other man and paralyze him because then he'd be more of Sean's type.

We all know Sean likes his men to be fruits and vegetables.

And in other news, an Oklahoma man driving a stolen vehicle is caught with a rattlesnake, uranium whiskey and a firearm.

What?

What?

Is a man not allowed to have hobbies anymore?

Anyways, that's it for me this week.

Back to you guys.

Thank you so much, Ryan.

I can just imagine this Florida couple, right?

This gay couple having sex and they're in Florida.

So the guy, the guy I tried, the guy smacks him on the ass like, hey, I'm not that gay.

Tell me you live in a red state without telling me you live in.

A red state, right?

So, Chris, something that we talked about.

A couple.

We were.

We were Going through and talking about Christmas.

And I had it written down to talk about.

For some reason we didn't talk about it.

And we specifically said, make sure we talk about this.

And we didn't.

But you got a really cool Christmas gift gift.

Oh, I did.

I did.

So it wasn't a Christmas gift actually.

It was just announced on a Christmas kind of a.

It was kind of a scam Christmas gift.

Right?

Okay.

Yeah, it was kind of.

Listen, it was.

She didn't actually get me anything else.

Now to think of it.

And it's not even.

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

No, the reason it was given.

Enough.

The reason it was given me on Christmas so that everyone could watch.

Wait a second.

Wait.

But anyway.

Wow.

Wait a second.

So we're at my parents house and Emily gives me a box.

Very carefully, choose my words.

Gives me a.