Raja Marhaba shares her inspiring journey as a mother of two twice-exceptional children, navigating the complex special education system, advocating for her kids, and founding The Jonathan Foundation to support families with learning disabilities. Her story highlights the challenges, legal battles, and the importance of parental advocacy in securing appropriate education and services.

Keywordsspecial education, advocacy, learning disabilities, IEP, legal battles, parental empowerment, twice exceptional, education reform, mental health, Raja Marhaba

Key Topics

1. Navigating the special education system
2. Legal battles for children's rights
3. The importance of parental advocacy

Guest Name Raja Marhaba

Website https://www.thejonathanfoundation.org

titles

1. The Fight for Education Rights: Raja Marhaba's Journey
2. How One Mother Changed the System for Twice-Exceptional Kids

Sound Bites

1. "What message are you sending to a 10-year-old?"
2. "He tore a two-inch hardcover book apart"
3. "Knowledge is power in advocacy"

Chapters

00:00Navigating the Special Education System

18:15The Impact of Advocacy on Families

25:41Empowering Parents and Children in Education

27:19Understanding Standardized Testing and Its Implications

29:39Building Trust Between Parents and Schools

31:32Empowering Parents in IEP Meetings

33:00Navigating the Challenges of Special Education

35:34The Impact of Legislation on Special Education

37:59Mental Health and Its Role in Education

41:38The Need for Comprehensive Support in Schools

45:42The Jonathan Foundation: Advocacy and Support for Families

Specialedrising.com

Ray's Respite Care: https://www.gofundme.com/f/join-rays-respite-care-mission

Rajar Mahabal, thank you so much for being here on the show today. It's pleasure to have you.

Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate the opportunity to be on your show.

So much to talk about and you as a mom, as an advocate, and as a professional, you've come so far in your career from all the things that you didn't know to the things that you know now and how you can benefit families. Can you just talk a little bit about your background and then let's talk about how you're helping families today.

you

you

I'm just a middle-class mom. That's it. I have a mom with two special needs kids, twice exceptional, highly gifted, learning disabled.

The viewers that don't know what that is, Jonathan has severe dyslexia, amblyopia, speech and language impediment, high IQ, 145. And Omar and his brother had depression, writing and vocabulary deficits, and also 145 high IQ. And they were very different and the school did not know what to do for them. And I went through all the IEP meetings. Jonathan, I've learned through the IEP meetings how difficult it is to navigate the meetings. You're one parent.

with seven personnel, school paid personnel, and you're trying to negotiate and mitigate with them the needs of your child and they're dictating, literally dictating to you what's going on with your child, what he needs or doesn't need. And you believe it because you're at the mercy of the school system and you're so desperate to get help for your kids. And that was me. And eventually, after Jonathan was diagnosed and had the IEP, a few years later, also needed an IEP, but they gave him a 504.

They didn't think that he needed an IEP because they're both smart. When children are smart, the school says, they're, you know, defiant, they're lazy, they're social butterflies. They don't want to do the work. I had two different experiences with the school system from Jonathan to Omar. Jonathan literally could not read and Omar did not understand what he read.

And so it became problematic for me. And with Omar in his sixth grade was a horrific year for him. He was bullied by his sixth grade social studies teacher. science teacher was amazing. Her name is Aviva Ebner. Till today she's on the board of the Jonathan Foundation. She's an incredible human being. But the rest of the teachers in the sixth grade were not so nice to my son. The computer teacher actually told me, you need to come and sit with your son and teach him computers because I don't have time for him.

needs a lot of help. And I told her I had to work and you know, this is your job. Well, I have 200 student workload. I don't have the time. If you don't do this, he's going to fail. And that's what I ended up doing, going to school to teach my son computers because the teacher for whatever reason did not want to. And then he had an English teacher and he didn't understand what he's reading and he had a test. Omar and the English teacher, he got a big fat red F.

on the test and on the test when I read it he says I don't understand I need help and all she said was you learn this in school you should understand it. When you write in marker a big fat F it takes the entire page what message are you sending to a 10 11 year old kid?

Yeah, basically give up now, right? You're hopeless.

And I spoke to

her and she didn't care. And then he ended up getting bullied by his social studies teacher.

He was, we were, didn't have money. You know, Kmart is no longer around, but Kmart with a store that I used to go to to buy clothes. And they, one of the shirts was like the letters B-U-M bum on it. And I, I bought it for my kids. We didn't have a lot of money and he wore it to school. And one day Omar comes home 11 years old and he's got heart palpitation and panic attacks. And I couldn't understand what was happening. And he said that this is what the teacher did.

to him and humiliated him in the classroom. because he told the classroom, Omar is a bum, he's wearing a t-shirt that says a bum, so he must be a bum. The teacher, his social studies teacher said this.

teacher said this?

That's why I say there's some amazing teachers out there and then some teachers that have no business teaching. if you're a special ed teacher or general ed teacher, you have some exposure on these children population, right? So you should have some compassion to help them, right? That's why you're a teacher because you want to influence these kids. And I realized my kids are in the school about six to eight hours every day. So the teachers

influencing my children more than I am because they come home, we do homework, we eat and they go play, right? And then they go to sleep and then the next day starts. But the most valuable part of their day is with the educators and the educators have the opportunity to make or break a child.

Yeah, so we went through hell. Yeah, with both both children, both were in due process. Each one had back then the statute of limitations with three years today. It's two years and we kept on amending the due process and I went through three attorneys for my children. The first attorney ended up taking too many cases of workload and could not service my kids, so they were on hold for a couple of years. I fired that attorney went

to another one. He would not take the cases. One was in due process, one was not. And then I found a third attorney and he would take them for $50,000 retainer, which I did not have negotiated to 20,000.

in and of itself because yeah, I'm sorry, I interrupted you, ahead. Yeah.

Yeah, I thought I did something great went home told

my husband and that's kind of the beginning of the demise of our marriage the the lawsuits just became instrumental and they just I was getting $250,000 bills $450,000 bills 30 years ago You can buy a house for that 30 years ago

Yeah, question.

All right,

maybe two or three if you're in a hurry.

Any of them where you live, Yep. If you're in like Waco,

Texas or something or Mississippi, you could get like two to three homes.

You can get

two or three homes get some cash flow properties but

Yeah.

he, was it just the money or did he struggle with the boys' challenges and not being able to step up to that? Did that cause friction? Because, you know, we know there's like a practically a 90 % divorce rate for people with special needs children. And so there's a lot of that friction. What was that like for you? Yeah.

horrific. He ⁓

I was blamed for making my kids sick. As a parent that gave birth to special needs kids, I went through a tremendous amount of guilt that I birthed them defected. It took decades for me to come to terms that they are God's gift to me and they're not defected. But I was blamed not just by my former husband, by my family, my immediate family, my in-laws.

It wasn't just him, it was both sides. And I felt like I was alone and trying to swim in an ocean without a life vest and I had no idea what I was doing because all this information is brand new. I'm just a middle-class mom. I don't know any of this. It's my first time.

No, and to answer your question, had a hard time with the boy's diagnosis. had a hard time. know, Jonathan went through a lot of behavioral issues. We did not understand him because we did not know he had a high IQ and we did not understand why he was rebelling so much. And he could not read and he could see his peers progress, but he could not progress. And he was stuck in a gear and didn't understand.

had expressed, hey mom, I can't read, I don't understand this. Yet I'm very smart in a seven year old saying, in his own mind, he knows he's smart, but he did not know how to express that to me or the educators so that they can help him. And Omar does, he's also smart. He would get insulted. He would come home and tell me, hey mom, this teacher just sits in front of the classroom and reads from the book. I could read from the book. I want the teacher to teach me rightfully.

So then he also had a problem because he calculated math in his brain and he didn't show the formulas on the paper and one teacher Failed him and punished him and put him Outside and a desk to make him to do the math work and show the math work while he saw his peers playing in the great playground and He got so pissed off. He tore a hard cover two-inch book apart

I'm like, I'm telling you two pieces. And Mrs. Marhaba, I received a phone call from the school saying, Mrs. Marhaba, you need to come, we have a problem. I went to school and he was depressed and crying and I looked at the book, it was shredded. Just think about the anger in this little kid to shred a hardcover math book.

absolutely.

And I asked him, says, why did you do this? He said, I got all the problems right with the math teacher, but she wanted me to show it. And I didn't feel I should show it because I you know, I wrote it down and I verbalized it. And I, why is she making me do this? I think what I've learned through the eyes of my own children and through some of the educators, good or bad, that came into my life.

We don't give the kids the benefit of the doubt. Maybe we need to listen a little more when they speak and try to understand what it is that they're saying and not overrule them because we're the adults in their world.

thousand percent. You know, you want to know what the process is like for these kids, because if you don't know what the process is like, you make this generalization that all kids should be functioning according the same way that you think. And obviously we know that that's completely ridiculous. Nobody, nobody is thinking and processing the same way as the next person. So we need to be able to be sensitive. And yes, so maybe there's a lot of students and it's tough. And I know that 20, 25 years ago, there was less, it was less

business.

likely that teachers in regular education had a sensitivity to the special ed or wanted to be bothered with the special needs kids. And I don't know, and maybe you could tell me, because I'm not in it right now, how much that's changed if you've noticed that it's changed. And because of more inclusion and mainstreaming, if there is any kind of notable change in teachers'

I wish I could tell you yes. No,

I wish I could tell you yes. I've been in hundreds and hundreds of IUP meetings. I've looked over, I've literally advocated for more than 450 children cobono because that's how much.

Okay, that's really disappointing.

It impacted my life with both my boys and my marriage. My husband had to put his business on hold and he wanted to become a multimillionaire by 40. Well, that never happened because all the money went to teach the kids. And when it was over, he said, hey, he told me I would have taken all the money because it turned out to be a seven digit lawsuit. Almost case went to Ninth Circuit Federal Court. It did not have gone to.

Ninth Circuit Federal Court. Jonathan's cases were settled. ended up non-public school. He went to an Ivy League school that the school district paid thousands of dollars for him to attend. Elementary, middle, and high school. And some of these schools, from first grade to fifth grade, they were 11,000 a year. And sixth grade to twelfth grade, they were 55,000 a year, including transportation. And he was in a classroom with no more than 10 to 15 children.

That was just one lawsuit. The other one, Omar, that went to Ninth Circuit Federal Court was a 504 plan and he needed an IEP. And I went through three attorneys and he was the one that the attorneys didn't want that they charged me the high retainer fee for. And we ended up at the school level, state level. The state judge did a 50-50 split between the Marjavas and the school district. And each attorney decided that they were going to appeal to Ninth Circuit Federal Court.

we got into Ninth Circuit Federal Court, we ended up the judge, because my husband and I would take time off of work because it was a 10 day hearing to attend with the attorneys and the judge and told my husband and the attorneys to go behind closed chambers and they went behind closed chambers and the judge told them that this is a good case, but I'm not going to rule on it because I don't want to be the first judge on a national level to open up the

floodgates to set case precedents to convert a 504 to an IEP and lawyers across the nation would be using the Marhaba case in their briefs for that purpose. And so he decided to remand it back to the state level until the state judge, since you did a 50-50 split, I order you to figure it out.

Wow,

that's some cowardice right there. Holy cow.

Yeah.

And then, and when we went back to the state,

case we were back in hearing and the we had Omar Jr. testified and he broke down crying because of when once they mentioned the teacher's name he just broke down crying and we had to take a break and my my ex took my son out with the attorneys and I stayed with the opposing attorney in the the room and the attorney came to you and he says you know what you are Mrs. Marhaba and I said what am I he goes you're nothing but

a capitalist.

Yeah, this is all for you to get money. Yeah, OK.

So I said to him, I'm a capitalist

and he said, yeah, I go well, if fighting for my children gives me the title of being a capitalist that I am honored to have that title. So thank you so much.

I learned a lot through the whole process and the state judge came back in and the state judge said, Mrs. Marhaba, I'm going to order you to have the school district to assess your child and go back to an IEP and the IEP would dictate your faith. Think about that.

I go from school to state to Fed to Fed from Fed to state back to school to where I started. And the attorneys weren't sure if they wanted to be part of the IEP. And I said, no, I want to do this by myself. I don't want any attorneys because if my attorneys attend and the school district attorneys attend. And by this time, I was a little paralegal in training. I learned so much. Right. And I go to the they gave a neuropsychologist to test my son. And I was very apprehensive. I don't trust any.

buddy and she said to me Mrs. Marhaba you need to have faith in me and I said I can't. I've been through hell and back I don't know how you want me I don't have any faith left in you and and I and just before I finish this for you

The eight years of hell were so bad that I used to go to church to the tabernacle, get on my knees and ask God to take my life because I no longer wanted to live. I did not know how to get out of the knee-deep shit I was in with the attorneys and the seven-digit lawsuit and a failing marriage and two kids that needed to learn and the school district was fighting me. I had no desire to live, absolutely none.

my goodness, that is unbelievable. Yeah.

⁓ No.

What is it about you, even prior to this, what is it about your makeup that gave you the strength to be able to do this, to get through that? mean, that is such a deep hole with everything on top of you. How do you climb out of that?

Thank you.

I,

A little background, I lost my mom when I was 10 to cancer. I went through two step moms. I was disowned for falling in love with a Jewish man. I'm Palestinian. Put myself through college. It just grit growing up, lot of grit. I think if I didn't have the history growing up the way I did, would I have been that strong to keep fighting?

and I'm very close to my faith. I've never shied away from my faith whether, you know, I ended up marrying a Muslim, I fell in love with a Jew, and I'm divorced, and I'm Catholic. So I understand the three religions very well. I've broken bread with all of them. I've gone to synagogues and prayed. I've gone to mosques and prayed. And I go to church and pray. And it's just what...

It's just the way God made me and like I told you from the beginning, I had to go through this journey because there's something bigger than me out there that I need to achieve and it's always been my faith that kept me grounded. And that's why I went to church and I just told God, you know, I made a pact with him. I said, if you take my soul and save my kids, like I don't want to live, just take my soul and get me out of this. And to go back

back

to finishing the story of Omar Jr. and going back to the IEP because it's all connected with what I'm about to say. We went through the whole meeting and the psychologist for the school, the neuropsych, was advocating for Omar to have an IEP. Now he needed to have an IEP in order for us to win a seven-digit lawsuit. I mean, that's how much weight it had on it. With no attorneys because it was really bad experience, 10-day hearing with both attorneys.

and going through that process. And I just shut up because I let her do the job. I couldn't believe it. And when it was all said and done, they made him eligible. We won. That's how we won. And then I turned to the psychologist and I said to her, why did you do this? Why did you advocate for my son? And she said to me, four weeks ago, my boss called me into her office and she gave me five on said this kid's been done wrong since the fourth grade.

make it right. And she said I had to make it right because yesterday my boss was crossing the street and got hit by a motorcycle and died. And I'm here today to make her last words to honor her last words. And I just broke down crying in the room. My son was there. If that's not a God thing, I don't know what is and I'm sorry that that lady ended up dying the way she

she did, but she ended up being the sacrificial lamb, if you will, for my son to win the lawsuit to save all of us. it was, at that point, I was just at awe.

I couldn't believe it. I was in such a state of mind and I ended up calling the due process person that represented the school district and I said to her, can we meet off the record in the Starbucks or something? And she said, sure. So we did. And I said to her, cause she was, she seemed to have empathy during the whole hearing, but she couldn't do anything cause she was paid by the district. And I ended up asking her, why did

you come after my family? Why did you take me to Ninth Circuit Federal Court? Why did you take a middle class family all the way to Ninth Circuit Federal Court and break us financially and emotionally and put my kids on hold for eight years until they were able to get services? Why would you do that? And she says, Mrs. Marjava, you're the 1 % on a national level that would come as far as you did and fight as hard as you did. And she said to me, most parents, when they hear due process and litigation, they run away.

she goes you just came full force and the harder you fought the harder we had to fight you back.

that says a lot about you. and you are the rare person and it's a motivation for other parents not necessarily to go as far as you did but it gives them strength to maybe even go further than they necessarily would have and if not be able to do it themselves and to seek help from someone like you and that's an amazing achievement on your part and it was a lot of sacrifices on your part. How do you feel at this point in your life with all that in your background? How do you continue to

to fight at this point because you could have walked away, right? What made you step up to want to help other people through this process?

I could have walked away, but my children taught me so much just looking through their eyes and going through the process. And then when I started advocating for other families, I would meet with the children and I would meet with the parents. And I had a psychologist that helped me. She mantored me how to read the data, how to read the assessments, what the numbers meant, what the bell curve is. And I ended up going through seed advocacy training program

from COPA, Council of Attorneys Advocates.

and the organization. And so I ended up going through a whole process and I did a four month internship in attorney's office. And the more I met with the children, the more I talked to them, they would have all these significant problems. And they weren't all just learning disabled. They were autism and ospreys and Down syndrome and developmental delay. In my experience, because of my kids was twice exceptional, right? So I had to go through training to figure out low functioning, high function.

and everything in between that comes with it. there's coexisting conditions. It's not, children are very complex. And I would meet with the parents and I'd say, just give me the assessment. And I'd go to the data and I'd read the data because I was mantored and I'd see what the numbers are. And I would tell the parent, your child's not defiant. He's got auditory processing or he's got a memory problem or the processing speed is very, very low. And you have to kind connect.

the dots and I talk to the kids and I look at the data and I don't even know this child from Adam. I'm just meeting this child for the first time. But just when I look at the data, I go, this is your challenges and this is what's happening. And then the light bulb goes on in the child and I have this conversation back and forth. And then I had one student that would, he lived in Monrovia, which is about an hour away from my office in Granada Hills. And he would have his parents, he's 16.

come to my office before any IEP to tell me what his needs and wants were in the IEP because I was to be his voice.

And I, you you say, well, my fight comes from, it's from those children. It's giving them a voice. They call me. have parents that call me, put their kids on the phone till today and say, they want to talk to you. They, want to tell you what they feel. And I tell them, what is it that you want from the school? Who is bothering you? What's going on with you? Tell me what to do. I will, I will advocate for you. I only work for you. I don't even work for your parents. I only work for you. And I told the parents when I go.

in the IEP meetings with them and their children that their children no longer belong to them and they become my flesh and blood and then after the meeting I give them back the children.

you create this wonderful trust with them. You have to have that relationship in order for them to be honest, right, and truthful with you.

You definitely.

And I think what's happening is the.

Maybe the educators or even us the parents, because it used to be me back when my kids were growing up, right? I was disciplining, dictating, delegating. I didn't allow them to have a voice. My own children, right? I would make all the decisions and I would tell them what they can and can't do. And these kids have a mind, have a voice, have a heart, have a soul. And if we would just allow them to communicate with us and us to communicate with

them without getting angry with them without punishing them without penalizing them and just hearing them out. Maybe maybe we'd have a better relationship and they'd be more success.

Yeah.

as if we have some right as an adult, because we're an adult, to decide for them and tell them the way things are going to be. And we do that in such a disservice. And I'll let you speak, and then want to make one other point. Go ahead. Respond to them.

Thanks.

⁓

I was just going to say we were those kids once upon a time.

exactly. And you were just

like, wait, you don't understand what I'm going through and you just had to acquiesce because when I was younger, you didn't really have a lot of options, you know, to question authority. So.

out.

I remember when I was teaching, there were the testers, there was the teachers, there was the social work, there was this person, that person, but we weren't trained in how to necessarily, some people are, I wasn't trained in how to read the data and to analyze it and things like that. And we weren't encouraged to do that either. We were just supposed to report on what was going on in the classroom, and then they would take it from there. And that is a huge disconnect.

Thank

Good.

and it's unfair to the teachers as well who are well-meaning and there's such a demand on teachers today. There's so much that they're expected to do that I give them a lot of latitude because there's just too much and I don't know that I would be a teacher right now in this environment at this point with what's expected of them. But I know I would fight for the child more now than I ever did because I would definitely not allow some of the things without at least speaking up and fighting for it and trying to help

the parents understand better. remember speaking with a parent one time fighting for their their granddaughter actually they were the guardian and we had a whole conversation and a plan going into the meeting and when I got to the meeting that I had mentioned this one other time in another episode she was already coming out of a pre-meeting where they completely changed her mind and when I sat down I felt like I was sideswiped by what happened. It didn't go any way we had spoken about and so the schools can get in there

and manipulate and get what they want and I think that is something that is something parents as you said you trusted the system parents have no idea that this stuff is going on and what their motivations are if you could look back I want to get into your foundation and what you do but just curious about

When you went in early, as you say, you were ignorant of the laws and all in the process. What would you tell a parent now going in to be prepared for and things that they're still getting wrong today when they go into this process?

The big thing that's happening now that I'm seeing boots on the ground with the parents of school districts do not want to make the children eligible because once they're eligible, they have a contract with the IEP and then there's a cost involved. This whole special education system is about money and budgeting. It has nothing to do with the children. It's the it's the big kahuna up on top that takes based on what the budget is. And it's the principals on the school district sites on the ground floor.

depending on what programs they have, general ed, special ed, that dictates what they want, what they don't want, which parents they want to give information to and help, and which parents they don't. And I think there is a lot of pre-meetings before the IEP meetings that go on that whoever the administrators are dictate to the staff, here's what we're going to do, here's what we're going to give, and this is it. And they already know how many hours of service per whatever, speech and language 30 minutes, OT 20 minutes a week, what have you.

They know this before they go into the meeting. It's already predetermined. They just have to go through the process because it's the law. They have to go through the process. I would say document, document, document, document. I can't say that enough, especially in today's age. Record every meeting, give a 24 hour prior notice, tell the school districts in writing, you're gonna record the meeting. You don't ask, you tell them. just educate yourself, ask questions. If they say averages, ⁓

What

I'm hearing now, they don't want to use standardized testing. They don't want to use scaled score of, I don't know, 50 or 100. Excuse me, scale score of like 10 or six and standardized scores of 50 or 100. Because if you do the standard scoring or the scaled scoring, the kids fall into like the averages below average, above average. And the school districts have a good time of saying, hey,

your son's average or above average and doing good, but is he on the low average? Is he on the high average? Where is he? And if there's a problem and it's on the low average, we don't see it. And I would just recommend that any low scores in your data and you can ask the teachers when they say low scores or average or low average, what number is that? Is that a scaled of six? Is that a standard of 60? What are you talking about? And they say, it's

scaled of six, well what does that mean and what did you measure and what is that area that you tested my child measures and how does it affect him in the classroom environment? Ask as many questions as you can and when the school districts gives you the assessment reports the day of, the hour of,

tell them, you know, I need to materially participate. I need to have knowledge. You just gave me this information. Put it on record. You don't know if that IEP is going to go to due process or not. You don't know if the school district is going to be collaborative or not. So why not go in there prepared, ask the questions, put them on notice. And if they work with you and collaborate, awesome bonus. If not, and you feel like doing due process, then at least you have some data.

Exactly. Could you give your website, because I want to make a reference to it. What is your website again?

⁓

www.thejohnathanfoundation.org ⁓

put that in the show notes, but the reason I ask now is because

you have a wonderful resource page where you literally define what every law is in order to educate parents. So that's a great resource just to go if parents don't know to get the quick understanding of what IDEA is, what FAPE is, et cetera. I have that on my resource page too, but yours is wonderful, drop-downs, it's perfect. So I encourage parents to go there and use your resources.

there's a lack of trust and when the school system knows who they're dealing with, they know what they can get away with and some know that they're gonna get some parents that will challenge them a little bit and so those parents, maybe they'll tip a little bit more to, maybe they'll give a little bit more, maybe it'll be a little bit easier process for them. If they know they can walk all over you, then they're just gonna give you the minimum and I've seen that particularly with families that come from Latin American countries, et cetera, who don't speak English well and they're just afraid

And in today's system, they're probably even more afraid that they're not even going to question because they don't want to make any problems. And so they just accept. Do you find that in your experience?

That's it.

Yeah, they,

they, they're, they're afraid of a lot of things because they don't have knowledge and knowledge is power. And they're, they're afraid of doing or saying the wrong things. And all they're doing is wanting the best for the, not, not the best I learned. It's the most appropriate. You cannot ask for the best in these meetings because the school district is not obligated to give any parent or any child the best of anything, but they're obligated to give the most appropriate of whatever service is required. I just think there's a,

a lack of education on the family side. And I like to collaborate with the school districts, but I don't know what it is. If it's just the time is worrying right now. I have had the most difficult IEPs, the most challenging IEPs, and they don't want to give services. They don't want to give more time for whatever therapy is required. They make it very difficult. And only thing I can go back to it has to do with budgeting. It has to do with the

economy we're in right now and it's really affecting the children.

Yeah,

services are about to be really hindered by some of the new laws that are coming out. What would you say is one right every parent should know walking into these meetings? If they know nothing else, what's the one thing they should know?

When they go into a meeting, it's one parent with seven, 10 staff paid district people. And they say, this is a collaborative team. We're going to be a team. We're going to make decisions as a unit. That's excuse my French BS. It doesn't exist. So just be, confident enough to say if I'm an equal part of this meeting and I'm supposed to be collaborating and the, the administrator of now, I don't know. They, they read our whole.

Those are just two letters, it's okay.

paragraph on the equality in the IEP room and how the parents are an equal partner with the school district, that's not so the case. If the parents were an equal partner with the IEP team and the school district, then they wouldn't give the parents such a hard time not to provide whatever service is required for the child when all the data stipulates so. When you have the report cards, the standardized testing, the state testing, whatever teacher input comment.

all the data combined together says that we need this and they still say no. So don't let them dictate to you or gaslight you into making you believe that what they're saying is really in the best interest of your child and nobody knows your child better than you.

You can't put that over the parents when they know best.

So the parents go into these meetings, they don't necessarily know, and the administration can take advantage of it.

One thing that parents, they're kind of counted on to not know, I think, what the rules are and what the laws are to protect them. Would you say so?

That's a powerful statement and so true.

Certainly. And then a lot of these team members are intimidating to the parents. And if the parent doesn't have a strong backbone and is very timid or shy or doesn't understand, it's game over. So you're absolutely correct. And when I go into meetings and I start to speak, get parents telling me, because it's Zoom, right? And sometimes the parents are in the meeting in person. And I'll get a text from the parent because I'll tell them, text me if you have any questions

will communicate by text and this way I can guide them even though I'm not in the room with them. And they say, the principal just rolled her eyes because of what you just said. And it shouldn't have to be that way. And I said, I don't care. Well, school districts don't like Raja Marhaba. Well, that's OK. I am not there for the school districts. I'm there to hold them accountable and to work with the families and the children. Don't we want to see the children succeed? I mean, they are the future. If we don't educate them, I think the United States has the worst

education do something.

Yeah, no, we're definitely low compared to the rest of the world. it is so shocking to me because I know as a teacher, I wanted to work with the parents. I know that our school, administrations along the way, there were different administrations. Some administrations were better than others at trying to have that kind of connection where we worked as a team, at least meeting with the families prior to it, getting their concerns and trying to address them. We were a small school,

That's what we were there for not like a school district where it may be a little bit more challenging But it shouldn't be because as you said who were we there for what's the what's the product that we're trying to put out, right? What's the point of school if we're going to try to give the least? opportunity for these kids to learn and they learn in different ways, right so It is a it is a big mountain to climb to be able to address everyone's needs But we need to be at least as we said earlier attending

to what the child is thinking, what they're going through and understanding that in order to be able to provide the best services. The fact that we continue to limit services because of the money is so disappointing to hear that it's still happening as it's always been that way. And I had some hope that maybe it would start to change as...

That's it for today.

you

disability in and of itself became more part of our culture in a way and it was being seen in a different way in our culture that might be seen in a different way in the educational setting but it doesn't sound like that's happening and that's really, really heartbreaking.

It's terrible because IDA right now, I don't know what's going to happen with it. They're dismantling and parts of it and the government is running parts of it and the Department of Education, same, same stuff. And then it's coming down to a state by state, how they're going to rule it, what programs they're going to be in, what money is going to be cut off, what, what they, mean, even if they say pro-choice voucher program, that might take a general ed kid and

Yeah.

put them in a home school or a charter school or a private school, maybe. I don't know what the money is going to be. But for the special education kids, they stay in the public school because some of their needs are so severe that whatever that voucher total is, it's not going to be significant enough to help that special needs kid. And the kid needs to be in the school to get all those services. And I've been reading, I've been doing a lot of reading when I get information on special education in the system.

There was an article and it said the school districts are not supposed to be doing mental health and physical health and doing all these services for these children. We're supposed to educate, but then if you have a child that's in a wheelchair or child that's got cognitive disabilities, child that can't see or hear,

How are you gonna teach them in the school environment with their typical kids if you're gonna say schools should only teach and not do any of the above? Well, what happens, how do you address that? It's gonna be a big void.

Well, the mental health aspect of it, you they talk about in some ways, it's when it's appropriate to use mental health, right? In shootings and things like that, then it's about mental health. But when it comes to actually doing something about it and helping these children, they're not there for that. And so the toll that it takes too on families, not only are they having to deal with everything that comes with their child's disability at home, management, all those things, money, now you have to fight on top of it to try to get them all the services

Thank

need. There's only so much, as you know personally, there's only so much energy and wherewithal that an agency that parents can have. And how do you encourage them to keep up the fight when they feel like like you? You walked into that church and you wanted to be just taken away, What do you do for parents in those moments? How do you encourage them to keep up the fight?

They really don't have an option and the problem is with mental health. have a couple of clients that are suicidal. I've had many clients that they had 51 50s 51 twos and even a 51 three and I didn't know the twos and threes existed until this client came into my life. But it's mental health is a really big part of it and the parents that at a loss what to do when your child comes and tells you I'm depressed. want to kill myself and then let's take mental health.

a little, let's dig into it deeper. You talked about the school shootings and all that, right? I've done some research and maybe this is not the platform, we don't have to go deep into it, but I wanted to know what triggers these shooters, like why? And when I did my homework, they have autism aspergers, they were loners, they had special needs that were not identified, they were all, a lot of them minors.

not majors and whatever ticked them off, whatever was going on in their mind, there's stuff that was missed, whether the parents missed it, whether it's the upbringing and I don't want to blame the school for everything because we as parents have a responsibility and obligation to raise our kids and teach them right from wrong. But if they have a mental health and something triggered them, they go to school and do something stupid. But the school districts, if they identify

But this is where you know where it gets controversial identify what's going on do an assessment find out You know can is there something mentally going on with this kid social emotional behavioral? academic IQ And how they're if there's a learning disability my kids felt stupid especially Jonathan because he was so smart but couldn't read and You're gonna have kids like that that are if they're not addressed it turns into something worse he ended up having behavioral problems because

of his inability to read. And I didn't know, I was a novice parent. I just think we need to be more aware on as parents, when we see something not right with our kids, figure it out. My other son, Omar was anorexic. He was depressed. He was almost gothic, dressed black, was in his room 24 seven, didn't take a shower for three, four days at a time. He was that depressed. As a parent, it's agonizing. I had two very different children.

And a husband that did not understand his children and I got blamed for creating them the way they are. All I can tell parents is try to have an open mind. It's not there's no easy fix and mental health is a big deal out there and

When I have a parent that says, you know, I need you to help save my kid and keep him in residential placement because if not, and they exit him, he's going to kill himself. What do you do as an advocate? You got to come up with some miracle. How do you save this kid?

Yeah.

And that's where the school can come in too, in therapists, where that needs to be something, as we said, it's lacking, but that needs to be addressed. I mean, there's such a breadth of concerns and areas that need to be covered that on top of, well, the push is the academics. So that's really where it comes to roost. And so all these other areas in order to be able to help that child succeed academically are being ignored or certainly short-sighted.

on the parts of those in charge. And I wonder when and if it's ever going to change. what do you think needs to change in order to maybe at least make it a little bit more inclusive and more broadening as far as addressing some of the things that are not being addressed?

I think the people on the top need to go into the IEPs, honestly. I'm talking the director of special education, not that he has any or she has any business being in the IEPs because it's a waste of money, payroll wise. But and it depends if they have egos or compassion. Like we're all our brains are wired differently. We're just human beings. And then the pressures, I don't know, on the school district side,

up there in administration, how much pressure is being put on them, budgeting and putting all that, which it's a domino effect downhill to the ground floor, boots on the ground level. There's gotta be some sort of compromise where is there enough money to help all these children? And we know we have a need, there's a significant need out there that these kids need help. And maybe the school shouldn't be the primary responsible entity to give the mental.

health to give this the speech and language to give the PT the OT the AT the whatever deficits that need therapies maybe they're not but then how do you get those kids to go to school and be with typical children with their deficits and address them and help them learn there's

It all comes down to money. There is no magic ball that says, hey, this is what you need to do and you'll fix it. I don't have a fix it answer. If I had a fix it answer, I would have fixed it 30 years ago.

Yeah, yeah, it's a huge problem and it's a system that's it's been entrenched for so long that to break it up

seems almost impossible at this point and when you have leaders that are mocking people and saying that you know people with disabilities and learning disabilities can't be leaders that doesn't help it certainly doesn't help and it puts pressures on like you said the top the people with the budget supplying the budget it puts pressures on them too and the child is not considered in the

Thank

No, we have students with Down syndrome that have gone to be attorneys. Think about that. And we've written them off. Why have we written them off? Why do we limit their abilities? Because they have cognitive disability, but damn it, they have some really extraordinary strengths in other areas that they can, I know children or individuals with Down syndrome that have their own businesses.

So why are we...

not allowing these children to grow, no matter what the disability is or the diagnosis is, there's strengths and weaknesses. Even if a child has cognitive disability, what is the strength of that child? And let's zone in on that strength and still remediate the deficits. And if the deficits, you know, we've hit a plateau where they're not going to get more improvement than that, work on what's strength in that child and let them do something, you know, help them.

We write them off so easily and you're absolutely right. There's some leaders in this country. I agree with you that say hurtful things like that. It's... Yeah.

It just boggles my mind. The

lack of sensitivity. know, this group of human beings have been put in the background for so long. And like I said, I feel like, there's more being seen, but the system isn't changing to step up to their needs. And, I give you so much credit for what you do. I mean, it's so encouraging that somebody who's been through so much still has the stamina

No. No.

to do it because it's a calling and you wouldn't have done it if you didn't feel like you wanted to continue to lean into it. It sounds like a story that was being written for you without you even knowing that was the direction you were going to be going. It just kind of happened and moved you in that way.

I know we're running out of time, but I do want to speak about your foundation, because we could talk all day about all these things. I know that we're not going to come up with necessary solutions, but I've got a lot of ways and paths that this conversation could take that I would love to continue to speak with you about. But let's talk about your foundation and what you do and get people involved with you.

The Jonathan Foundation for Children with Learning Disabilities, and I say beyond because it was originally formed because of Jonathan. And then I found out Omar had issues, but the foundation was already established. And later on I asked Omar, do you want me to change the name of the foundation? And he says, no, he's more introverted. Jonathan's very out there. You can Google Jonathan Marhaba. He's like as public as I am. Omar, not so much. And what we do is raise money for a

Assessments

and advocacy and we have our fundraiser. Can I plug it in?

Please plug. Yes, plug away.

2000 there. ⁓

couldn't believe the numbers when I saw them

on your website. I couldn't believe the numbers.

They're horrible. I mean, the parents can't afford that. that was like the turning point in my life. I I could easily raise 10, $20,000. And I don't mean to belittle this. Like I can get a whole bunch of book bags and put them in supplies and give them to children. no insult in any way. think that's admirable what those organizations are doing. But I didn't realize the huge undertaking that I was stepping into when I have to raise

$5,000 $6,000 a kid. And the advocacy, you know, a seasoned advocate is $3.50 an hour. I don't know if you know that. A seasoned advocate, they start as little as $100 and up from there, they're almost the cost of an attorney. And so when I went through the trials and tribulations with my own kids, the attorneys needed assessments. Why? Because they needed to go to hearing and fight the school district assessments. They needed an independent assessment.

When I embarked on the foundation and in my mind, because it was fresh with what I had just traveled through on this journey, I said, well, I didn't have assessments. I wish someone could give me a $6,000 assessment and I can give this 60 page assessment to my attorney and go after the school district. So we raised money for assessments. have psychoeducational assessments and beyond that, but we have the psychologist write a 50, 60 page report and their findings and diagnose.

The school districts cannot diagnose but are.

privately highly credentialed assessors can. And then they attend IEP meeting and they have to defend their report and state their findings and advocate for the kid. And we also require an advocate to be part of the IEP meeting because the whole purpose of this is to change the IEP and make it a work in IEP and level the playing field between the parents and the school districts by bringing in a highly qualified credentialed assessor to talk the same talk as the school district's assessor.

Thank

I once that's done the first time that parents can kind of take over in the future IEP is that they don't have to go through that process each time. think it strengthens them Now we did this once and we need to build off it.

They depends how savvy the parents are. have parents, it's on each, every parent has a different educational level and then depends on how many special needs kids they have. have one parent, her husband is on tour serving and she's got two kids with autism and one with a learning difference. That's a single mom. How much do you want this parent to do? It's not a simple answer, but I try to train

parents I teach them the scale scores I teach them the standard scores I teach them the medium what the medium is and how it means and I and I tell them if you see this this score and it's low and they know that it's a low score ask that the psychologist in the room what is this low score mean because they're not going to tell you they're going to say within the average or below average and that's useless to me that means nothing and they don't even use a discrepancy model anymore the when they

of

I've learned how to calculate and get the standard deviations on the discrepancy model when they find a child has a learning disability, depending on how high the IQ is and how low for Jonathan, he had like 145 IQ, but his reading ability was 67. And back then 67 score was mentally retarded. Today we call it intellectual disability. Well, that's a significant difference. It's the gap, right? Between 67 and 145. Right?

try to teach the parents what the numbers mean because they don't know what the numbers mean. Yeah, and then the school is not going to tell them

I've always said there should be like a kit. So when the parents, when their child is identified and assessed that this is your starter kit, this is all the laws, this is the things you need to know, like, you know, have that for them so at least they're in a position to be able to start learning and advocating for their own child. But that sounds like it is anathema to what the school would wanna do because financially then the money comes into play. So, you know, every way to kind of like,

and

Keep the parent back.

I just think the parents, know, the more educated you guys are the parents, the better it is for you. The more you read, the more you understand, the better it is for you in that room. Don't be afraid to ask questions.

I think that's the best way to conclude that.

can.

Oh my God, L'Oreal Paris Women of Worth has given me a national platform that I could never have otherwise if not winning it. They picked 10 women on a national level, only 10 of us nationwide that based on our nonprofits, our achievements, our hearts and what we do, lot of remarkable women from L'Oreal Paris. We call ourselves the sisterhood as a family. think we hit 200 this year. I was invited to go

to California and celebrate the next 10 women that won this year, it was that there are 200 women that they've honored. And because of L'Oreal Paris, can, I officially represent L'Oreal Paris Women of Worth and they sponsor the foundation every year. They give us swag bags with product every year since I won and they give us opportunities. There's programs and competitions that we can still

apply for and see if we can win more money depending on what the agenda is or the topic of the competition is. They've been incredible. I even when I won that I received a letter from a gentleman in prison because they publicly wrote about us in the Daily News and they wrote about me because each woman had a special section in a high profile newspaper and I was chosen for the Daily News.

and somehow got to the prison system in California and this gentleman ended up writing me two, three letters, hey, I'm in jail, my kid has autism, my ex-wife is here, please contact her, help her. The outreach is incredible. I am very grateful for even being considered a woman of worth with L'Oreal.

Never meeting you to now knowing you a little bit, I can see why you were chosen and you are modest and humble and yet you do such great work and we need more people fighting like you and we need parents to step up and be brave enough to be able to take on the system and you could be an incredible motivator for them and I encourage them to reach out to you. It's just been my honor to meet you today and I'm just, I want the best for you. You've been through so much.

and look where you are today. just continue to fight. It's an incredibly impressive life that you've lived and your story is amazing. And I'm just really grateful that you came on the show today.

I appreciate all your kind words, Mark. The pleasure was mine, the honor is mine to be on your show and to also meet you in person via Zoom. It's quite the honor to be here with you. So thank you so much for having me and giving me this opportunity. It's my great pleasure. I'm happy to here. I knew you better. Now that you know me.

Yeah, it's my great pleasure and I hope to keep in touch with you. Yeah.

Now that I know you,

If

you have families that need help in your area, I'm happy to do that. Whatever I can do to spread the word, spread the love, and give encouragement to families so that they can be successful with their children.

www.thejohnathanfoundation.org. All the information is on that. You can Google Raja Marhaba and you'll find a tremendous amount of information. very public. I'm not shy about it.

show.

whatever the audience can do to help the cause would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

wonderful well we'll be in touch

you have an amazing day and I just wish you continued success and I hope that this impacts a lot of people and helps them a lot because I know it will

I appreciate you. really do. You have an amazing blessed rest of your day as well. Take care. Bye.

Thank you so much. Take care.