Own It or Rewrite It: Reclaim Your Narrative 101 (Re-Run)

Amanda Paolicelli: 00:00:06

What's up, radiant icons, and welcome back to

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Dare to be Iconic, the podcast made

for icons daring to be themselves.

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I'm your host, Amanda Paolicelli,

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and for today's tea time sesh,

We are rewinding it back to one

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of my favorite episodes from

last year: own It or Rewrite It.

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Reclaim Your Narrative 1 0 1.

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If you have not heard this episode,

radiant Icons, you are in for a treat.

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I truly love this episode with every

fiber of my being so enough chitchatting.

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Let's press rewind on one of my favorites.

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This episode I am very excited for.

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This is honestly, if I were

ever asked to do a Ted Talk.

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This would be my topic.

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Today we are spilling the tea

on reclaiming your narrative.

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It is a topic that I know very, very well.

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For all my new listeners to the podcast,

well, you're in for a treat because this

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episode, we're going all the way back.

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We're going back to the very beginning,

how this all started so let's get into it.

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It's time to own or rewrite

your narrative, Radiant Icons.

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Are you ready?

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Because you're Tea Time

Sesh is starting now!

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Here's the thing about reclaiming

your narrative that no one literally

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wants to tell you, you guys.

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You need to embrace it.

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You need to learn from it, and you need

to use it as fuel moving forward when you

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go into that next chapter of your life.

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And that's exactly what I did in

order to get to where I am today.

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It's so crazy to think about this

all started because of someone else's

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actions and words and how I didn't

want them to define me anymore.

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That is so crazy because back then,

oh my god, so three years ago, I was

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distraught on October 10th of 2022.

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I was broken, I was lost, I was

confused, and I was so embarrassed

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and I carried so much shame because

the way that my ex treated me.

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I let that define me until

I finally had enough.

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So for those of you who don't know

this, my Dare to Be Iconic origin story

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all started because my ex boyfriend,

at that time he was my boyfriend for

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three and a half years decided to

end our relationship by leaving a

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letter in a box at my front door and

I never heard or saw from him again.

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That is exactly how he ended

that chapter of my life.

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Three and a half years,

he ended it that way.

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And I know I said in the season

two premiere that it was the

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best thing that ever happened

to me and I still stand by that.

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Him hurting me the way that he did was

the best thing to ever happen to me

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because I have, what is now dare to

be iconic because your pain does not

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define you, what you do with it does.

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And for me, it was rewriting my narrative.

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Owning what happened and

taking it into my next chapter.

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And here's the thing that I never

have ever told anyone before.

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Two months after our breakup, my cousin

got married and I was a bridesmaid and

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You know, obviously my ex and I were

together for three and a half years.

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My family knew about him.

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They met him all this stuff, you know,

like he was a part of our family.

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When he broke up with me, I just

deleted him from everything, obviously.

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I had no choice.

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And I never talked about it.

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I swept it under the rug.

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And I knew people were curious because,

obviously, he was a big part of my life.

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And it was so public.

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Like, we did share our lives together.

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Like, I was a big social media

person before Dare to Be Iconic.

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And that has never changed.

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And I put our relationship out there.

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And I knew people had questions.

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I knew people were going to ask what

happened, but I wasn't ready to handle

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it because I carried so much shame and

embarrassment in what happened because

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I thought it was a reflection of me.

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And when my cousin got married two months

later, I remember going into that day,

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obviously so happy and so excited for my

cousin, but I was dreading it because I

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knew I was going to get asked questions

about the breakup or I was going to get

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the comments and I was exactly right.

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I remember being at that wedding during

cocktail hour in my really hot ass dress

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because fun fact I had one dress picked

out originally And then when I got

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broken up with my mom and I literally

said, okay No, we need to get a sexier

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dress and that's exactly what I did.

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Um, but anywho, so there I was in my

hot ass dress looking so good post

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breakup cocktail hour With everyone

in my family, and I kept getting

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asked, Oh, where's your boyfriend?

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Oh, I thought you had a boyfriend.

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Where's your boyfriend?

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All the looks, all the questions,

everything that you can name it that you

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don't want to deal with post breakup when

you feel so shitty about what happened.

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That's what I was dealing with.

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And I remember just drinking my mojitos.

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I was taking those mojitos

like a champ, okay?

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If it, if it meant avoiding the

reality of what had just happened to

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me, because I didn't want to face it.

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I just remember thinking what

the hell am I going to do?

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How am I going to move forward?

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And I think I was so fed up in that

moment of being frustrated and sad

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and overwhelmed and embarrassed and

shameful, like literally everything

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under the sun I was feeling at that time.

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I was so fed up with it that going into

the new year of: 2023

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to change my life and I need to take

what he did to me, I need to own it and

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I need to rewrite this next chapter.

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And that's exactly what I did.

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And here's how I did it.

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Step number one is

acknowledge the current story.

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What story am I telling

about myself right now?

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And does it truly reflect who I am?

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In my case, after my breakup, and

especially those two months after

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it, before I decided to change

my life and build my dream life,

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I was letting him define me.

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I was letting him write my story,

especially the words that he chose to

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write about me and the actions that he

decided to take to end our relationship.

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That was the story that I was

telling because I was letting

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it dictate how I saw myself and

define how I went forward in life.

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And leading into my second

question, does the story that he

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wrote about me reflect who I am?

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Absolutely not.

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It does not reflect who I am.

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I was letting his words

and actions define me.

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That is not a reflection of who I am.

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The way someone treats you, side note,

the way someone treats you, their

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words and their actions will always

be a reflection of them and not you.

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And in this case, God, I still

took it as a reflection of me, but

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deep down I knew it was not, so

I needed to take control of it.

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And the first step I needed to do was

acknowledge what happened because my

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pain, like I said earlier, does not

define me, but what I do with it does.

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What I do with my pain does define

me, and in order for me to rewrite

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my story, I needed to own what just

happened and move forward, and my

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first step with that was therapy.

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I needed to deal with the really scary

shit and get to the nitty gritty of it.

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So When you are wanting to reclaim

your narrative radiant icons,

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you always have to start with

Acknowledge the current story because

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it will fuel you going forward.

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Step number two identify the

gaps: What parts feel limiting

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or untrue what needs to change?

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In my case, it was everything

that he wrote about me.

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Every single thing that he said

about me, I knew was untrue.

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But I still was letting it define me.

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And those were the gaps.

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I needed to start

believing in myself again.

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I needed to start seeing

myself for who I truly was.

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And, in order for you to identify

the gaps and look at what feels

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untrue or feel unlimiting, you

need to be honest with yourself.

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You need to have that self reflection and

Be really brutally honest with the things

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that you need to work on, the things that

you need to deal with, and the things

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where you were like, Oh, absolutely not.

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They are not true whatsoever.

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I don't know what the hell

they're talking about.

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And for me, I need to go through

that letter and literally dissect it.

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Pick out the things that I

knew were not true about me.

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Pick out the things where I

was like, okay, he has a point.

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How can I improve myself?

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How can I do better?

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And then I needed to keep going

through that letter and having those

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really hard conversations with myself

and with my therapist and do the

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hard work because it's not easy.

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But it's worth it.

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Now you guys know it's no secret.

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It's a secret that I

love intentional living.

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I love intentional actions because I

believe that they build iconic lives.

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That's exactly what you do when

you're reclaiming your narrative.

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You get to decide how you want

your story to sound going forward.

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So write it down like it's already true.

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So you're going into that intention

setting and visualization and applying

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it to that dream version of you,

because that will be your reality.

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As soon as you make that decision

to reclaim your narrative, you are

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all about that visualization to your

highest self, to your most iconic self.

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So root it in intention, visualize

it, manifest it, make it your reality.

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Step number four, you're

going to own it in action.

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That means show up every day as that

dream version of you in that narrative

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that you were writing for yourself.

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Even if you don't think it's

remotely true and it doesn't

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feel true, you need to own it.

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You need to speak it.

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You need to live it.

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You need to literally embody it.

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Be your most iconic self

because you are already there.

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And the last one, which is

totally optional, inspire others.

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If you feel like it is right for you

to share your story and give others the

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permission to own theirs, then do it.

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That's exactly What I felt

was right for me, and that's

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how we got Dare To Be Iconic.

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I decided to use that breakup

as fuel going forward into

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this next chapter of my life.

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Because 2023 onward, as I said last

week and as I will keep on saying,

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once I decided to choose myself and

to honor that commitment year after

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year and reclaim my story, it's been

some of the best years of my life.

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I am truly embodying that dream version

of myself because I am her right now.

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I am the Amanda, that little

Amanda dreamed of being and it's

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all because I decided to share my

story and reclaim my narrative.

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And I hope you guys can too.

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All right, radiant icons.

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Let's get to the dare to be iconic hotline

because these questions are piping hot.

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Hi, Amanda.

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I've been holding onto mistakes

I made in the past and they're

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shaping how I see myself.

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How do I move past them

to reclaim my story?

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I think this one all

comes down to forgiveness.

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I feel like forgiveness is key in

this scenario, and you're not the only

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one that struggles with it, because

I struggle with it all the time,

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especially because I decide to, you

know, share my life so publicly, and

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sometimes it's hard for me to separate

who I once was from who I am now.

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And, you know, when I look back on

the past, I cringe a bit on some

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things, but I need to remember that

my past doesn't define me, right?

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Like just like my pain,

it doesn't define me.

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It's just a chapter in your story

and it's not the whole book.

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So I would say write down what

you've learned from your mistakes

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and let that be the focus.

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Always focus on the actionable step of

how can you use this to move forward?

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How can you embrace it?

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How can you learn from it?

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And how can you use it as fuel?

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And once you know, acknowledge the

not so shiny parts about life and

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about things that have happened and

take away the lessons from them.

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That's when you start

reclaiming your narrative.

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How do I own my story without

feeling like I'm oversharing

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or making people uncomfortable?

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Well, as the Queen of Oversharing

on the Internet, I'm gonna tell

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you it doesn't matter what the

hell people think about you.

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If they're uncomfortable by

you sharing your story, then

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they are not meant for you.

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On the other hand of it, it is

up to you to decide how much

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you want to share with others.

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Just as I mentioned earlier this

season, specifically in the Trauma

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and Boundaries episode, trauma is

your story to tell and you get to

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decide who you want to share that with

and what you want to share about it.

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That's the same thing when it

goes to reclaiming your narrative.

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You are in control of your narrative.

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You are the one writing your story.

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It is up to you on how you want to share

what happened to you, on how you want to

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own it, and how you want to rewrite it.

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And if people feel uncomfortable about

how vulnerable and honest you are being,

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they are not meant to be in your life.

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What if my story still feels messy?

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Can I reclaim it before

I figured it all out?

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You know, here's the thing

about figuring it all out.

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I don't think we ever

will figure it all out.

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Because if you wait until you have it all

figured out, you're never going to start.

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Now, in part of the, it still feels

messy, your story, girl, life is messy.

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Life is so messy.

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Life is not perfect.

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We are all imperfectly iconic.

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In fact, we want to embrace those not

so shiny parts of life because that's

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what makes our stories ever evolving.

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Your story is simply

iconic because it's yours.

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So lean into it.

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Love it.

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Own it.

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Okay, radiant icons.

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I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.

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As you know, we are in our radiance

rain era and for me in this era, I have

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been finding little things that make me

feel powerful, that make me feel sexy,

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that make me feel unapologetically me.

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And one of those is my

iconic signature scent.

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I have crafted mine with.

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Osha.

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I do sinful layered with that girl,

vanilla, and it is delectable.

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It is sinful and it is

sexy if I say so myself.

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Every spritz just feels

like confidence bottled up.

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It is my reminder that I am evolving

for myself, not anyone's dusty ass sun.

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And you can have that too.

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Radiant icons.

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Make sure to build your own fragrance.

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Through osha, use the discount

code linked in the show notes

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below to save yourself some cash.

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Because icons do not follow trends.

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We set the standard.

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All right, radiant icons, that

is your tea time sesh for today.

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If you liked today's episode, make

sure to leave a rating, a review,

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to subscribe, to tell your friends

about it, because we love more radiant

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icons in our iconic community of ours.

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And also, if you haven't already, make

sure to connect with me on social media.

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socials.

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It's at amandapaolicelli_ and at

daretobeiconic_ on Instagram and Tik TOK.

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All that information will be in

the show notes below as well.

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All right, radiant icons.

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Let's chat about next week real

quick, and I am not gonna lie to you.

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I am terrified for next week's

teatime sesh, and I really,

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I really need you guys.

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I am so scared, but I know this is

something that is right for me on my

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healing journey of turning my pain

into power, and that is what we are

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spilling the tea about next week.

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The core foundation of Dare to Be Iconic,

how do you turn your pain into power?

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And for the first time ever, I

will be publicly sharing my truth

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about something that I have been

dealing with for a long time now.

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And I am finally ready to talk about

it and to start the conversations

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that need to be had, especially

in the world that we live in.

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Um.

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And I just think it's really important

to lead by example and to show others

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that your pain does not define you.

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It is what you do with it That does.

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And I am ready to take my power

back and use my voice for good.

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And I hope you guys join

me for one of the most, um,

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scariest things I'll ever do in my life.

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So, yeah, I hope we can turn

our pain into power together.

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Anyway, I will chat

with you guys next week.

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Remember, Radiant Icons,

dare to be iconic.

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Bye!

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