In this episode of The Dude Nation podcast, hosts Adam Lamb and Ben Curtis delve into the depths of redefining masculinity in today’s society.

Join the Nation and step into the circle.

The central theme is challenging traditional stereotypes by advocating for authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy in men.

The hosts create a safe space for men to explore emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships, and self-discovery through candid discussions and personal anecdotes.

This episode underscores the importance of open conversations, self-care practices, setting boundaries, and addressing sensitive topics like grief, mental health, and suicide from a male perspective.

By encouraging uncomfortable discussions and sharing personal stories, Adam and Ben aim to dismantle societal expectations and foster healthy masculinity in a world plagued by loneliness.

Furthermore, the hosts highlight the creation of a men’s organization dedicated to providing support, tools, and a sense of community for personal growth.

They emphasize honesty, integrity, compassion, balance, and connection as essential to redefining healthy masculinity. Vulnerability, self-care, and seeking help when needed are crucial aspects of this transformative journey.

Join Adam and Ben as they navigate the complexities of modern masculinity, urging listeners to embrace vulnerability, cultivate deeper connections, and strive for personal growth in a world that often overlooks the importance of authenticity and emotional well-being.

For more information, check out The Dude Nation

Welcome to the Dude Nation podcast where we explore the journey

of healthy masculinity in today's world.

My name is Adam Lamb, and I'm here with my co host Ben Curtis.

And we challenge traditional notions of manhood, and we wanna

inspire you to embrace authenticity, vulnerability, and empathy.

We offer a perspective in a society where masculinity stereotypes

often overshadow men's diverse experiences.

We explore emotional intelligence, mental health, relationships,

and self discovery.

Whether seeking guidance on your journey towards self improvement

or simply curious about what it means to be a modern man, the

Dude Nation podcast provides a safe space for exploration and growth.

Let's reclaim healthy masculinity together.

So Ben, why do you think it was important for us to start a podcast?

Doesn't the world have enough already?

We have quite a few,

but if we're going to reclaim healthy masculinity and part of

that is encouraging communication, we need men to talk and I wanna

learn more about healthy masculinity.

I wanna stay tuned in to what's going on.

And I also believe it's helpful to share our own story so that

other men and other humans can see what it looks like if we actually

start to embrace this and that we all have many of the same challenges.

I think it's an opportunity for us to start to get real, have

some more real talk from 2 men who are walking through the fire together.

And to me, a lot of that's healthy masculinity.

Like, we are here together, holding space for each other and sharing

ourselves unapologetically with the world.

So that's to me what serves it.

And I wouldn't have a podcast with anyone other than you.

You're the person who inspired me to do it in the first place.

Thanks, brother. I think it's also probably important to point

out, like some of the conversations that we'll be having on the

show are not necessarily comfortable ones And it was just last

week, it was reflected back to me that a person came up to me

and said they were very grateful for my kind of transparent and

vulnerable way of speaking about problems.

And that opened up a whole other conversation.

So it was a a wonderful experience and also very humbling to know

that something like that would lend with somebody and give them

an opportunity to talk about the challenges that they're having as well.

Very often, our conversations are on the surface and not really

digging any into anything.

And I think this is a great space to to dig into those stuff and

to really get some work done around some of the issues that are

plaguing us all, really.

It's probably important also to be able to reflect back to somebody

a clear vision of who they are and the problems that they're having

through our conversations.

There's a recognition that like, oh, yeah. Yeah.

I get that too. Yeah.

So to feel like you're not the only one.

Yeah. Thank you for saying that.

There's a loneliness epidemic. Right?

We're seeing how many men don't have friends today or have 5 or

less, which is a huge decline.

And we're also not talking about our feelings and the stuff that

we're all facing, which is some of the challenging things.

If we're not actually talking about it, then we can't heal or

move through it.

So I appreciate that you talked about the uncomfortable conversations as well. Mhmm.

And

that we're actually creating a safe space for men to start to

dip their toes in the water a little bit more.

What would it mean to have a little bit more community?

What would it mean to be less lonely?

Even entrepreneurs are facing loneliness today.

This isn't just a man thing.

This is like a universe thing.

So it's a human experience as so many of us face life and death every day.

I think it's important to talk about it and men mostly aren't,

but I've also found that we're some of the greatest listeners.

And so as we can practice holding space and listening to each

other, that maybe we can actually grow together.

I agree completely.

And I think the other thing is there may be some confusion around

what healthy masculinity is. Right?

Because there's so much in the median.

I just saw the word toxic and masculinity used in the same sentence

yesterday in a leading, publication.

So there's a whole lot of I think there's probably some guys out

there who, for lack of a better word, wanna keep their heads down

in the foxhole for fear of getting called out as anything other

than a whole and complete human being who happens to be masculine

as a way of, like, defense mechanism.

And they also recognize that for us, sometimes we don't talk about

things when there's not a solution that's present.

Like we like to be able to fix stuff.

So there's no point in talking about it if you can't fix it.

And I've found that the only time I can ever quote unquote fix

anything is when I can talk like very often the solution will

provide itself in the conversation. If

Yeah. 100%. Yeah.

Thank you for that perspective.

I'm already glad that I'm learning from you already.

And what and what would you consider to be your version of healthy masculinity?

Because I also identify, love the fact that this is something

that's even though most of us share this masculine trait that

our version of healthy masculinity can look a little bit than someone else's.

Yeah. That's a great question, Adam.

And I'm gonna ask you that and have you think about it as I start

to answer it as well, anyone who's listening right now, because

it's totally subjective and you actually get to create it for yourself.

And as many men out as are out there could be that many different

definitions of healthy masculinity.

And not just men. Right?

This affects everyone.

For me, healthy masculinity, I like to talk about it like a bowling lane.

Healthy masculinity is, a balance of integrity, which is like

how smooth the floor is, how well it's polished structure, perhaps

the bumpers or the gutters on either side that actually you have

clear lines of where to go.

And that space for the femininity to arise, which is the creativity,

the flow, the chaos, which is an important part well, the spontaneity

and that power and harnessing it.

So to bring it into real life terms of what it's like human beings,

not just a bowling ball, for me, it's being honest.

It's being my word, having integrity. It's compassion. It's balance.

It's discipline and power, and

I also believe it's a birthright.

Healthy masculinity is something that's our birthright that we

don't have to subscribe to what society is telling us that we

actually get to create it newly.

And it's also connection, encourage vulnerability, authentic connection,

being able to actually be real, to talk about those things, to

move through them.

It doesn't mean we don't have fear.

It means we're able to take action and we don't do it alone.

Those are all the important things for me around it.

What about for you, Adam?

You hit upon a lot of them.

I reference it as how much of my day can I walk around with an open heart?

What's the percentage of the time I spent today with an open heart

as opposed to being closed down or shut down for out of some reaction to fear.

And of course, anger is only a reflection of fear.

So for me, that's incredibly important, and everything else is negotiable.

I always get a little bit, nervous around conversations around

integrity only because that I've taken part in some programs where

integrity is the word and the concept is used like a whipping

post for some folks.

Yeah. And how many of us use it to whip ourselves still?

Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.

It's it's never good enough.

And I have said in the past that my addiction was truly to my

negative self talk.

Everything else was just a tool to get me to that place.

And so, very conscious of my internal dialogue.

And I work very diligently at making sure that it's as positive

and reaffirming as possible given my actions or that day.

But I also understand that there's a certain amount of tenderness

and kindness that that I get to bestow on myself because I don't

know if anybody else out there can relate to this, but I can have

a tendency of being really hard on myself.

And that's not a positive thing for me or for anybody. So No.

I don't relate

to that at all.

The idea of tenderness and kindness in those words, I choose very

deliberately because I think generally speaking, most of us would

be very tender and kind to somebody who was having a difficult time.

And we're always willing to help others.

And yet for us, we're usually the last to to receive that help from ourselves.

Yes. Thank you so much for speaking to that too.

So many of us men think I, I believe I've seen and talked to many

who say a healthy masculinity is like being, being willing to

be of service so much so that you're always giving your the shirt

off your back for someone.

But many of those men are not actually taking care of themselves too.

So it's one thing to give you the shirt off your back, but if

you're not putting the oxygen mask on yourself first, then you

have nothing to give.

You're giving from a place of emptiness.

And suddenly you've gone from being the hero to the victim because

you're not well, or you're stressed out, or you're not available

for your family, or you have an illness or die an early death

as a result of not caring for yourself first.

So if we wanna be providers, I think a lot of the missing is how

we're actually providing for ourselves, how we're treating ourselves.

We think we've, it's always gotta be, it's never enough.

I hear that from a lot of fathers and partners as well.

Like it's never enough.

Like if it's never enough, but how many of us are starting to

give to ourselves and creating those boundaries say, no, actually

this is my time.

And if we're training other people how to treat us, where are

we just running around?

Like life's an emergency and we always have to be the hero as well.

Can we pull back and start to give ourselves what we need a little

bit or just develop some healthier boundaries?

And what are our needs?

Most of us, I don't think even know.

Can we take time to to tap into that?

Well, because the truth is there's never, there's never really

a good reason to take care of yourself.

There's so many other things that can be done.

And gosh, time is short already.

So why would we use any focus on that when there's something else

that can be fixed as it were.

But I'm really excited about this podcast.

I know that we've got some incredible topics that we're gonna be doing.

This podcast is gonna be coming out weekly, and we're gonna be

tackling a particular topic for the month.

So that might include, conversations between Ben and I.

It might be a solo episode.

We're also gonna include some amazing guests on the podcast as

well, but some of the topics that we're gonna be going over men's

trauma, where it comes from, how to deal with it, loneliness, relationships.

That'll be a that'll be a great month because there's the relationship

to self and others.

There's also marriage, divorce, transitions, grief and death, and mourning.

And we're going to talk about the big D and all the little d's

that we encounter in our lives as being an equitable member of

the human race and the things that are set up for us.

We're all gonna have parents who are gonna pass away.

Some of us will have children that pass away.

Well, almost all of us will have a very, very significant relationship end.

And so these are a lot of the things that we're all dealing with,

fatherhood, stress management, money management.

Another big topic is gonna be purpose.

I'm always fascinated by the guys who revel in the fact that they're

gonna be retired and then don't last another 10 years out of retirement

because they've somehow lost their purpose and don't necessarily

know what to do with themselves anymore, and then self care and self sabotage.

So what are the topics that you're really excited to dig into?

I love me some self care talk because I was the self sabotage.

I really owned that.

I lived it.

I destroyed a lot of relationships with including ones with myself

and other people in my life.

And I've seen the difference and walk to walk through some self

care that has changed my life.

And I still show up for other people.

It's not like I spend hours a day.

I'm talking about less than an hour a day and then taking some

things throughout my day.

The other thing is death.

I know that can be even a lot to hear for some of you who aren't

used to talking about it, but death is a rite of passage.

And we all go through it.

Having lost my father, not to a few years ago, it still is like yesterday.

And I know Adam, when I'm talking to you, we get to talk about

our fathers and actually carry that.

And it's something that we all will live through.

Hopefully, we'll outlive our parents. Yeah.

And then any of us who have been around children or brought children

into the world or known a woman or been in any kind of relationship

with a birth giving human, that human, if they've tried to give

birth, chances are, 1 out of 3 of them have had a have had a death,

and there's a man connected their sperm connected to that death.

And whether we are in that relationship intimately or not, it affects us.

And it's a trauma and it's one of those things.

So having been through that as well, I just think there's so much

that we're not talking about that could heal us if we just lifted

these burdens a little bit more.

And I think also, learning how to love ourselves and love our

life a a little bit more.

So some of that self care stuff in there too.

But what are the ones that really speak to you, Adam?

Well, of course, one that comes up a lot in my work is sorrow and mourning.

And the fact that in our present society, that's not anything

that we value at all.

As a matter of fact, there's all kinds of phrase, suck it up sunshine,

let's get moving.

Some people have a time clock or a calendar on what proper morning

period would look like.

And for men, again, it's not anything that's really valued amongst men.

This idea of, like, when there's loss, we all need time to process

that, and it looks differently for everybody.

So I'm really curious to get into that.

And one thing that's not on the list that we probably should talk

about at some point in the show is, of course, mental health,

wellness and suicide because Yeah.

It's one of the one of the highest causes of death for men, especially

over the age of, I think, 60 now it's, the rates are incredibly

high and getting higher every day.

So there's something to speak to about men in their later years

and the decisions they make to either live or end their lives

up by their own hands.

So I don't know.

It's probably impossible to never know what, if any what's in

a person's mind at the moment where they make that decision.

But I do know what was in my mind years ago when I tried to commit suicide.

And I think it's something that I think we can speak to because

there are probably more than a few folks out there who at least

had the idea once in their life Yep.

And and there's nothing wrong with that.

Thank you for sharing.

What's wrong with the exact yeah.

Because it's like, there's we'll make sure there's trigger points.

People have resources because part of this conversation that we're

having ongoing is where do you find those resources when you're in need?

And and we wanna champion those who are out there providing those resources. Yeah.

So that'll be part of the conversation for sure.

I love that.

And this is part of why we created a men's organization is that

we could actually wrap a men like, wrap a circle around you, that

we could give you pretty much all the tools or value that you could handle.

We could provide that amount of support for you in community and

partnership and accountability and education, and just a space

to work through it.

And if not us, we've got incredible date myself, say Rolodex.

We've got incredible, like, community of health professionals

that we can connect you to.

If it's not us, we'll help you find a way.

And that's part of what this is about is creating solutions, creating

team, creating community.

We're here to learn with you and through the process as well.

And we can't wait for you to join us.

So tell someone, bring a friend.

You could invite your partner into this conversation each week.

If you, if it's something that you're not comfortable talking

about, invite someone to just listen with you.

And if there's a topic that you wanna hear about that we're not

covering or something you'd like to go deeper on, send us a message

and let us know because we really wanna add value to your life

and what matters to

you. Yeah. You can find us on all the social media channels on

the dude nation.

And if it's not organ if it's not our organization, we'll certainly

be bringing on leaders of other men's organizations for conversation as well.

As far as Ben and I are concerned, we don't care which organization

you join, but we are concerned that you actually avail yourself

of the community that exists already and, become part of an organization

that you can feel good about and, and be in service to another male.

Well, Adam, I feel like it's been a service to me just to get

to walk through this with you today and talk through it.

And I'm so grateful.

And if this is already making a difference for you, let us hear from you.

We wanna know who's listening and what matters what's on your heart.

And, Yeah, I'm excited for this journey.

It was just the beginning.

Here we go.

That was great, man. Can't wait.

That's it for this episode of the Dude Nation podcast.

Be part of the movement to redefine what it means to be a man

in today's world.

Let's reclaim healthy masculinity together And until next

week.