In today’s episode I have another amazing guest, a man named Timothy Reigle. He is a coach, author, podcaster, and founder of Into The Wilderness, a ministry dedicated to helping men renew their faith, restore their masculinity, and re-energize their families, and he just recently released a book he co-authored entitled “Men of Grit – Into the Wilderness”

Timothy Reigle's Links

• Into The Wilderness - I am the founder of Into The Wilderness, a ministry dedicated to helping men renew their faith, restore their masculinity, and re-energize their families. As a coach, author, and podcaster, I have used my own experience in defeating addiction to help hundreds of men overcome their addictions to porn and sex, save their marriages, and become better, stronger, Godly men.
• Into The Wilderness Podcast with Timothy Reigle - Leading Christian Men to Renew Their Faith, Re-Energize Their Families, and Restore Their Masculinity.
• Coach Timothy Reigle on Twitter
• Coach Timothy Reigle - On Instagram
• Timothy Reigle on YouTube
• en of Grit - Into the Wilderness: A 40 Day Challenge to Renew Your Faith, Restore Your Masculinity, and Re-energize Your Family - A 40-Day Challenge to Renew Your Faith, Restore Your Masculinity, and Re-energize Your Family is a bold call to reject comfort and complacency. Today is the day to rise from the couch, don the full armor of God, and engage in the fight! Words alone won't change men or the world; it’s time to take action!

References to Bible Verses:

1 Timothy 6:12-13; Luke 4:1-13; Matthew 4:1-11; 1 Corinthians 16:13-14;

My Ministry Mission Information

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Credits:

Cover Image & Music from Pixabay

Introduction

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Jason: Welcome and thank you for listening. My name is Jason and I'm your host. In today's episode, I have another amazing guest, a man named Timothy Reigle. He is a coach, author, podcaster, and founder of Into The Wilderness, a ministry dedicated to helping men renew their faith, restore masculinity. And reenergize their families. And he's just recently released a book that he coauthored entitled Men of Grit - Into The Wilderness.

What really makes this guy amazing is that he's using his own experience with overcoming addiction to help hundreds of men overcome their addiction to porn and sex, save their marriages and become better and stronger godly men.

He has an amazing and powerful message about what it really means to be a godly man. In our pre interview call, I was incredibly impressed by his faith journey, and I'm super excited to have him on the show today to share his message that God has poured into him.

You can find his information at https://intothewildernessblog.com., but definitely check out my show notes for his website, podcast, social media, and I'm going to drop a link to the book on Amazon. So if you're a dude and you're ready to find out what it means to man up, definitely keep listening.

Getting To Know Timothy

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Jason: So welcome Timothy. Thank you so much for joining me in this episode.

Timothy: Thanks for having me. Looking forward to this.

Jason: Right on.

Timothy's Faith Journey and Overcoming Addiction

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Jason: I like to give the listeners an opportunity to get to know you. Um, to start off, you know, you told me, and it's even in your book, your favorite Bible verse. Yeah. It's 1st Timothy 6 verses 12 and 13, and it goes, "But you, Timothy, are a man of God. So run from all these evil things, pursue righteousness and a godly life along with faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. Fight the good fight for the true faith, hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses." I mean, as I feel like Apostle Paul's like addressing you personally, how

Timothy: does, it,

Jason: you?

Timothy: it really does. And I think, you know, I, I don't think that's a coincidence, you know, that he's writing to a young Timothy. And so, yeah, I take that, take that personally. You know, he's, he's like, you know, you're a man of God turned from all these evil things. We'll get into all these evil things that I turned away from in my life, uh, eventually here on the call.

But. Um, you know, run from these evil things, pursue righteousness and fight the good fight for the true faith. And that's kind of become my mission in life and the purpose that God has laid upon my heart.

Jason: That's amazing. So you grew up as a pastor's kid, uh, like many, you know, you, you hear about it, you see it on TV shows, you rebelled against the church and against God and you fell into some bad behaviors. Do you? You mind going through your backstory for us?

Timothy: Sure. Like you said, I grew up almost literally in the church, next door to the church and a church parsonage as my dad pastored for, For, for many, many years and like a lot of pastor's kids, um, you know, I rebelled against things a little bit. I don't, I don't know how much specifically being a pastor's kid played into it, um, but it certainly had an effect.

There's a lot of pressures there. There's a lot of expectations there. Um, but at the same time, my faith was instilled in me from, from a young age and it, it never left me even when I did. You know, wander away from, from a righteous life. So, uh, like many young men, I started watching porn as a, as a teenager, young teenager, 12, 13, whatever years old.

And I just got hooked on it. And so as I got older, it got worse. It escalated. It was becoming more and more frequent. It, it. Progressed into more hardcore things that eventually made the jump into like chat rooms. And I just aged myself a little bit, but but chat rooms and, um, you know, webcams and those type of things.

And it just continued to get worse as I got older and I got married. Had kids kind of naively thought that would end it, but in fact, it got worse after that because there's all the, the pressures and the emotions and, and, and all those things that go into, to a marriage and becoming a father. And so this continued on for, for 10, 15 years, this addiction, and it eventually made a jump to where it escalated, not just into porn and things, but into physical things where I had.

multiple affairs and was unfaithful to my wife. And, and it was really a full on sex addiction. It wasn't just porn addiction. It was a sexual addiction and that continued on for many years. And I got caught several times, you know, and I did all the right things, said all the right things. You know, I went to counseling, I talked to my pastor, I read all the books, did the Bible studies, did all the stuff you're supposed to do. And it would work for a while, but I would eventually go back to it. And each time I just got better at not getting caught. Right. I just became a better liar and I never truly changed until the last time that I got caught, it was kind of a, uh, now or never moment. It was a crossroads. And I write about this in the book to where I'm standing in front of the mirror, staring at myself and be like, you're going to lose your marriage, your family.

Possibly your career, everything, you know, and love, because you can't stop this. You have to figure this out. And so it came to a point. It's like, I got to make a decision. I got to pick a path here. And am I going to allow myself to stay in this destructive path? Or am I going to do the hard work and find freedom and turn my life around?

And thankfully the Lord brought people into my life.

The Root Causes of Addiction

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Timothy: A good pastor friend of mine who spoke into me and helped me to understand that it wasn't just my. I wasn't just this filthy pervert or just this out of control person and, and he helped me understand why I was addicted to this, why I was doing these things.

Yes, it was sin. Yes, it was a conscious decision and I'm bear the responsibility for that, but he helped me to understand what was really behind it. Why was I running away to porn and sex? What was I running away from, or what was I trying to find? What void maybe was I trying to fill? So it helped me discover the root cause of that and heal those wounds from within.

I had to go back and dig deep and do that hard work. And that's what allowed me to have the lasting recovery. Wasn't just, you know, holding on tight and pulling myself up by my bootstraps and trying harder. I had to understand why. And that's how I found freedom from that. And I was able to heal and restore my marriage.

My wife and I renewed our wedding vows, recognition of, of rededicating our marriage to God.

Jason: Good for you.

Timothy: And I started having opportunities to minister to other young men through church and different things. And so out of that, I started writing and blogging online. And then it's like, every time I started talking about it, God opened more doors for me. So I started my Into The Wilderness ministries. I started. Writing, doing podcasting and coaching. I wrote my first book, uh, which is living porn free 10 steps, recovery, redemption, renewal, which is outlines. The steps I took to find freedom and how I help other men find freedom. So it's been a long and winding road and, but, uh, the Lord brought me through it. And now he's laid this mission on my heart to turn around and help other men.

Jason: That's amazing. And you, you hit on a really key point. I mean, like any addiction, uh, there's a, there's a behavior because of, you know, there's, there's a root to why people turn to drugs, why people turn to alcohol, why people turn to porn and sex. And if you can't just will yourself and decide, I'm just not going to do this anymore, you got to go do the hard work.

You got to go fix those, those traumas or those, those problems.

Timothy: Yeah. I had to treat the disease, not the symptoms. I mean, it, it, it certainly takes discipline to overcome this. It takes building good habits and eliminating bad habits. There's a lot of things like that to go into this, but those are all just treating symptoms. You have to find the root cause and fix it from within.

And I think that's why so many men stay stuck in this is they just treat it like a bad habit. I just have to have the, the right plan or the right tips and tricks. And, and, and I just need to get enough, a good enough streak. You know, guys talk to me all the time about their streak. When I work with guys, I don't care about the streak.

I will just want to see progress and, you know, two steps forward. One step back is still moving forward. It's still progress. It's slow. It's not necessarily what we want, but it's progress. And we're going to celebrate that. And so, so many men can't get past that and just treat it like a bad habit. And that's why so many guys struggle.

There's a, I see a lot of guys struggle at like the two week mark or the one month mark where they can't get past that point. And the reason for that is, is that eventually the emotional need for this addiction, which is the why. Why are you running away from, or what are you trying to find in that?

There's something that we're seeking through porn and sex. Eventually the emotional urge for that, the emotional pull for that release, Become stronger than your discipline and willpower. so that's why guys relapse. That's why guys go to it when it makes absolutely zero sense, logically to go to it, you know, you risk losing your wife and your family and your kids and your everything, because that emotional need, it's the only way we know how to handle those wounds and handle that pain.

And so eventually that overcomes our discipline and our willpower. So we have to find the root cause. And then use discipline to help us get there.

Jason: That's amazing. So anything else important we need to know about Timothy before we move on.

Timothy: Um, I don't, I don't think so. Anything crucial. I mean, uh, telling my story and, and, and sharing what, what the work God has done in my life. So

Jason: Great.

Timothy: to talk about it.

Jason: All right. I'm ready to dive into this.

The Role of Masculinity in Modern Society

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Jason: Now we're going to, we're going to talk about some things, masculinity. We're going to talk about porn addiction. We're going to talk about God and the Bible. Some people don't like these, you know, depending on what demographic, but we're, we're going to jump in and do it.

So, um, let's talk on masculinity. This is a topic that I think. When I think about it, I both love it and hate it. But you gave a really great overview in our, in our pre interview call about what it means to be masculine. And would you mind touching on that?

Timothy: I think for masculinity, we have to look to. To Jesus. He is the head of the church, like we are the head of our families. And so we look to him for strength. A man needs to be someone who leads. A man needs to be someone who provides. He's a provider, protector, and a pastor of his family. And we think provide, we always think provides financially, which is true.

We do have a duty to do that. But he also provides teaching for his family. He provides discipline for his family. He leads them, provides an example for them. He protects his family. We always think protection. We always think, oh yeah, you know, if somebody breaks into the house, I got the gun and I'm, you know, you know, protecting my family in that way.

But it's also protecting our family from the enemy in the world who's trying to corrupt our family. You know, we need to protect their heart, protect their, protect their souls. And he needs to pastor his family. He needs to set the example. For his family, he needs to pastor means shepherd. And so he needs to shepherd his family.

There's his flock that the, that God has given to him and he needs to lead them and direct them and show them and to lead them in paths of righteousness. Like Psalms 23 says needs to show them that way. And, and, and there's so much of the world today and even the church today that has diminished those roles for men. And said that. Those aren't important. Those things, basically, that men aren't important. And even the church has fallen victim to this. You know, we need strong men. The world needs strong men. The church needs strong men. Our families need strong men. Our communities need strong men. We need men to step up.

And right now, they're not doing that. They don't have the opportunities to do that. And what I'm trying to do through my book, and through my coaching, and through my ministry, Is to build up those strong men so that they can lead and provide and serve their families and communities.

Jason: Yeah. It seems like the word masculinity has become a curse word in modern culture. I mean, I remember, I remember a time when being a man's man was a good thing. Like, I mean, what's going on there.

Timothy: Yeah, it's, uh, there's a lot of different aspects to that. Some of it is, is cultural. You know, we've seen this, the rise of feminism, which, which may have started from a good place a hundred years ago. But now has come into this thing where we're trying to make women men and men women against the way that God designed it in a way that nature is designed.

So, we, we have to break out of that. Culture has this thing that, yeah, masculinity is toxic. The duties and responsibilities that God gave man, the world now says is, is, is toxic. And a man needs to be a lot more like a woman, which, that's why we have the problems we have in the, in the world today. Because men aren't men and women aren't women and aren't fulfilling out their God given roles.

And I think some of it is spiritual, you know, there's a spiritual warfare going on and so the enemy is creating scenarios and putting things, things up for failure for, for men to, to just accept a complacency and a weakness and a comfort,

Jason: Yeah,

Timothy: we, we have all these. Movies and TV shows are ultra manly men doing these sorts of things, but men aren't doing any of those things themselves.

And it's not just about going and fighting the bad guys like you see in a movie. It's, but we, we live out that masculinity by doing what I said by providing for those we love, by protecting them for, by having a mission and a purpose that God is giving us and going out and fighting that battle every day.

That's how we live out our God given masculinity. Instead, most men are sitting comfort, overweight, complacent, sitting on the couch, living vicariously through their favorite football team or through some TV show or video games or porn, instead of going out, becoming a man and doing those things. Uh, and living out God's mission for our life in the way that we should be.

Jason: and we, we fall into this trap. It seems like maybe culturally is the wrong word, but I'm going to use that word. But we fall in this trap culturally that if you have something, it's less than for someone else. Uh, you know, being a being a masculine man, being a godly man, being a provider and protector of a family, being the leader of the family doesn't Mean that everyone else in the family is not important, you know, it doesn't take away from, from the importance that a woman has being the support for the man being there, you know, to, to move him forward because that's, you know, a lot of time what women do, you know, they're compassionate, they're, they've got the emotions, they take care of the children and they're doing a lot to make sure that, you know, me as a man can go out and do what I'm supposed to do.

And, and I feel like we, we lose some of that when we start to think about how fem, you know, feminism has moved into, you know, maybe its own form of toxicity. But, you know, I don't know if you have any thoughts on that.

Timothy: Men and women are equal in value, but they are not equal in role. So just because God gave man the role of leadership doesn't mean that woman is inferior. And so because God designed man to lead and the Bible says that women are to submit to their husbands, to their fathers. We've created the idea that that is, uh, inferiority, that they're not as important, that they're a doormat and the men should just lord over them and just demand everything from them and the women have to submit no matter what.

And, and that's not God's intention. God's intention is yes, you're equal in value. No one is more important than the other, but your roles are different. God may gave men the role of leadership. He gave women the role. Of, of, of being subservient to that and not in a negative way, Adam and Genesis, God gave Adam.

Eve, he says as a helper, I will give him a helper. Didn't say that she wasn't important. Didn't say that she was less than him, but that was her role as a helper. Adam, he put Adam, gave Adam dominion over all the, all the garden. And so we, we, this modern, whether it's modern feminism or whatever it is, has created this idea that those roles are ones up here and ones down here.

And that's not the case just because God gave the man, the, the role of leadership does not mean that the woman is inferior or not important.

Jason: Yeah, you brought up a good point because Eve came along as a helper, but as a helper, she completes him, completes him in terms of God's plan for humanity. So, you know, can a man be godly without his, you know, without a wife? You know, question for maybe another, another episode, but, but, um, you, you and I talked about what happens when masculinity gets stripped away from men and I wish I could explain it the way you do.

Um, can you, can you over that for me to

The Importance of Purpose and Direction for Men

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Timothy: Well, I think men, men who aren't living out their God given role as a man don't have a purpose. And when a man doesn't have a purpose and doesn't have a mission, he doesn't have direction. So he ends up, ends up wandering. He ends up looking for something To fill that void. Oftentimes that comes out in addictive ways.

Like I've talked about like pornography or sex or drugs or alcohol or all these other things, but he just ends up kind of wandering blind when, when he doesn't have a role to fill, man is designed to act. He's designed to, to go out there and fight a battle and men who don't have that, who don't have something to live for, don't have a mission or a purpose to fight for, end up just wandering around aimlessly.

And that's what we see is this, uh, complacency and, and apathy. Amongst men today, where they just have no direction. They have no idea where we're going. The first day of the book of the men of wood, great into the wilderness book. We start about talk about charting the course. You know, if you're out in the ship, you have to have a, a course that you're headed, you have to have a direction, a heading, right?

If you don't, you're not going to end up anywhere. You're going to just drift aimlessly at sea or a lot of men in the same way. It never left port because they're scared of the storms that are going to come up out on the ocean. And so that's what we're seeing amongst men. They have no mission, no purpose, no direction, and they've taken away what, what man's role is in society and diminish that and taken away his dignity and his ability to, to go out and lead and command.

And man has a natural desire to conquer, right? And that not always like a military conquer like we think, you know, it's sometimes just to go out and just fight the battle for the Lord and just whatever God's mission and purpose that he put on your life is go out and fight that. And so men just have no mission, no direction, no purpose.

And so they end up just wandering and doing nothing. And then a man who. is not out fighting the battles he's supposed to fight, falls prey to temptation. We see in the most famous story of sexual sin in the Bible, David and Bathsheba. We always think, oh, Bathsheba was babying under Ruth and David was tempted.

Well, David should have never been there in the first place. If you read a few verses before that, you said it's when kings normally go out to war, the time of year that they normally go out to fight battles. He should have been out there fighting battles. He should have been out there fighting for the Lord.

Instead, he was sitting back on his rooftop, comfort, comfortable, seeking comfort and seeking, uh, pleasure, and he got in trouble for it. Look what happened. Well, men today are doing the same thing. They're not out fighting the battles God wants them to fight. They're sitting back, seeking comfort, and, and just sitting back on, on, in their couches not doing anything.

And so the enemy uses that as an opportunity to attack them and bring them down and they fall, fall prey to temptation and to sin. That's what happened. It

Jason: Completely agree with that?

Introduction to 'Men of Grit - Into The Wilderness'

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Jason: Um, so moving, moving into the book, cause I, I mean, this kind of transitions into that because it's, this is, I mean, it's a pretty amazing book so far. I've, I've Picked up a copy. It came out on October 19th. If I remember correctly, you co wrote it. It's Men of Grit - Into The Wilderness.

It's a 40 day challenge. And, you know, to quote the book to renew faith, restore masculinity and reenergize families. Before we get too much into the content, let's talk origin story.

The Genesis of the Book

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Jason: I mean, you, you kind of go over to, I think in the preface, but you know, you, you and your co author had kind of a similar idea at the same time.

When was that moment where you're like, we're writing this book

And so he had shared his story from becoming a, a, a weak, complacent man to a man of strength, a man of leadership and a man of purpose. And so we had both written these books, and I'm sitting down, we're sitting at his house, we're sitting around a fire, we had a bonfire going, we're sitting there smoking cigars, and just You know, just hanging out and his book had just come out and we're, we're talking, he's like, you know, I have this idea of doing like a challenge.

The 40-Day Challenge Concept

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Timothy: He's like, he spelled out all these principles in his book and his thoughts and everything, and from scripture of what a man is and what a man should be and, and, and how to build strong Christian men, but what we both found. Was that men need a guide, you know, it's one thing to just agree with a bunch of philosophies or principles, right?

It's a whole nother thing to put those things into action. And so we're sitting there He's like I have this idea for a 40 day book and I said, yeah, so do I that's why my oh my My blog and podcast and everything is called Into the Wilderness because it's based on the Jesus going into the wilderness in Matthew 4 and Luke 4.

And God had kind of taken me on this journey down the porn coaching path versus the Into the Wilderness thing and the devotional type of thing. But I was like, no, I have the same idea. And he's like, we decided right then and there. Well, well, let's do this together. So we did. So we spent the last two years researching, writing, working through this book.

And, and studying scripture to discover what, what scripture really says a man is and what God wants men to be and what roles he wants them to live out and what mission and purpose and plan he has for their lives. And so we started working on, on the book together, started, started writing, started reading scripture and studying, and you know, it all came to, came to fruition here a couple of weeks ago and we're able to release it here.

Release it to the world here and we're, we're super proud of it, but that's what it's designed to be. It's designed to be an action plan. It is designed to say. Yes, I know all these things. I know I need to turn my life around. I know I need to live for God. I know I need to get in better shape. I know I need to be a better husband, a better father, a better leader. Most men were coming to us saying, yes, I know all that. I don't know where the hell to start, you know, and it's overwhelming. And then they get. Or they try to bite off more than they can chew and do too many things at once, and they get overwhelmed, frustrated, and they give up. So this is like, all right, this is going to be day by day action steps.

And it's, it's, we're going to work through the principles of what it means to be a man according to scripture day by day. So each day there's a Bible lesson, and each day there's a challenge. And so each day you're going to learn from scripture, and then you're going to be challenged to apply it to your life day by day.

Some of them are very deep, very difficult, very emotional, very challenging. Others of them are more superficial and a little bit simpler, but that's okay. You know, we want it to have some heavy days and some light days and different things like that as we go through. So the men keep building and keep growing and keep persevering through that to become a, a man of grit

Jason: Nice. And so the preface and introduction of your book really sets the stage. I mean, like, I know people will get a book. You kind of skip over the preface. You might skim through the introduction in this book. Those 2 are like, really important. I think you call out the pattern of the, the 40 days. You explain that into the wilderness came from, you know, like you said, Luke 14, Luke 4 and I think Matthew 4.

Where Jesus spent his 40 days in the wilderness, fighting the temptations of Satan before he even started his ministry. Um, you also include eight principles of man of grit and the 10 commandments of into the wilderness. Um, and this alignment of biblical values feels, I mean, it feels almost divine when you read through it.

It's almost too perfect. I mean, how did you guys build all of that into those two sections?

Principles of a Man of Grit

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Timothy: Well, the, the principles of a man of grit that we came up with, we came up with by studying scripture, we looked, we didn't say, Hey, we're gonna. You know, say, Hey, you know, the, the thing that you hear all the time, a real man does fill in the blank, right? We didn't want to do that. Yeah. We didn't want to want this, have this, this macho, um, chauvinistic idea of, of masculine, you know, the, the beer, bacon and guns, you know, type of type of masculinity.

You know, we, we wanted to have. biblical masculinity, right? So we studied the scriptures deeply and figured out, okay, what are the roles of man? That God has outlined according to scripture. And so through that came these principles of a man of grit. And the first one is honors God, which means he connects with God through prayer, through the word and through faithful action.

So honors God is the first thing that we do honor God and all that you do. Right. It helps to, you talk about the, the, my favorite verse being written to Timothy. Um, Timothy, which comes from the Greek Timotheus. Means honor God. Timotheos means

Jason: Okay.

Timothy: So it's very personal to me too. Yeah. You know that my name means honor God.

And so honors God is most important. Second is to have a mission. There's God has a plan for our lives. Jeremiah 29, 11 says for, I know the plans I have for you to, and he's got a mission for us. It's up to us to, to seek that out through prayer and then live it out. Third is to have a thriving marriage.

You know, to foster connection, intimacy, adventure in our marriage, to lead our wife, to be the head of our family, like Christ is the head of the church for us to be an engaged father, to engage and express love with our children, to connect with them, setting a godly example for them. Fifth is to fellowship regularly, to connect with other men, to build strong relationships with other men.

That's one thing that's hugely lacking of men, men today. And especially. Men in the church is this, they don't have good relationships with other men. It's all, you know, what's the typical water cooler thing, sports and the weather, right. You know, and if you, and if you engage anything else, it, you know, you're, you're got to turn in your man card.

Right. So we need fellowship with other men and build those strong, intimate relationships. Number six, men need to physically strong. You know, there's, there's a lot of, uh, of weak men physically out there and men that aren't caring for their bodies. And so, because they're not caring for their bodies, they can't live out the other roles, uh, which is to be a leader and set an example and to provide and protect for them. Number seven is to be pure in heart. And what that means is freedom from sexual sin. Like we were discussing earlier that I struggled with. Freedom from lust and impure thoughts and pornography and sexual, you know, sexual immorality. And then lastly, number eight, to be bold, confident and courageous. To, uh, like God tells Joshua, be strong and courageous for I'm with you.

You know, so we fear God rather than fearing the expectations or what the world's going to think about us. We worry more what God thinks about us and are unafraid to stand up for the truth of him and his word. than we are about being ostracized by society. So scripture really led us through these principles and, and we, we document them in the book of the scriptures that those principles came from.

And so each day of the book aligns with one of these principles. So one day might have to do with your walk with Christ. Another day might have to do with working on your marriage. Another day might be physical fitness, you know, another day about your kids or something like that. You know, it each day in each scripture.

With the day aligns with each one of these principles.

The 10 Commandments of the Challenge

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Timothy: And so out of that, we kind of came up with the, uh, 10 commandments of, of the challenge, which are just the rules for the challenge, you know, and this is similar to, you know, if you would do a, you know, 75 hard type type challenge. There are certain rules, you know, you have to do something every day.

You can't do something, you know, it's just kind of the guidelines for it. And so we came up with this, which is just kind of the simple rules of the challenge and, and, and the, and the guidelines for it and how guys need to go through it. And stay with it. But the goal isn't, it's not one of these things where it has to be perfect.

It's not like a 75 hard where you miss your workout one day, you start all over at day one. You know, we don't, we

Jason: Right.

Timothy: we don't want that. We want you to, to confess it and, and, and say, Hey, I messed up here, but pick up where you left off. You know, I, one thing I say all the time about, you know, This as well as the guys that I work with, with pornography coaching.

If you drive a hundred miles and you blow a tire, yeah, it sucks. It's frustrating. You're you're, you're pissed off, but it doesn't undo the a hundred miles you already traveled,

Jason: That's true. That's a good way to look at it.

Timothy: You fix the tire, you get back on the road, you try to avoid the potholes. This time you learn from your mistakes, but it doesn't undo the progress you've already made.

And that's a mindset shift that men have to make, you know, with, with addiction, but also with just building yourself into a better man, you're going to mess up. You're going to make mistakes. It's okay. You confess it, you learn from it, and you get, prepare yourself to be better the next time. But you pick up where you left off and you keep fighting. Brush the dirt off you and get back in the game.

I really liked that you added that.

Timothy: Mm hmm. Yeah, and that's kind of become our, you know, kind of our charge for the book, is to follow that. And that's what, what God says. We need to be watchful. We need to look out for an enemy that 1 Peter says is prowling around like a lion looking for somebody to devour. Mm hmm. We need to stand firm in the faith and not be, uh, uh, afraid to speak the truth.

You know, we need to act like men. We need to do the things that God wants us to do. And we need to be strong physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. We need to be strong and let everything that we do be done in the love of Jesus. And if we live out those things, we are living out what God wants men to be.

Jason: I like it. Um, I guess that the, the intro, the preface super important, you know, uh, if you're going to do the book, read those, but the meat of the book of the 40 days of challenges and these, I mean, they range from, you know, engagement with your wife or family, building your community, physical exercise, biblical principles, self reflection.

I mean, there's a lot 40 days. Um, I'm just curious. How did you guys come up with those day by day?

Timothy: Just started, kind of just started doing it.

Jason: Did you?

Timothy: You know, we, we, we had some things that we wanted to hit. Certainly there were certain. Um, you know, certain topics or certain challenges, certain scriptures, things like that, that we knew we kind of wanted to hit on. Um, but a lot of it came from just, just spending time in God's word and, and letting him lead us.

You know, I think at one point we had ideas for over 60 days, you know, we were like, Oh, it'd be a great to have a day on this or a great day to have a day on that and through, you know, going through it and just prayer and, and, and study and everything kind of, you know, directed it down to these, you know, These concise 40 days, um, in order to build that, to build that, that program out in that course out.

And so that we kind of worked through that and got it down to these 40 days and. And put it together and now it's, now it's out there for guys to go through.

Jason: That's awesome.

Adapting the Challenge for All Men

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Jason: Uh, your book does focus on kind of like family and marriage in some areas. Um, you did suggest, I think in the book, it does suggest that you don't have to be married or have children to go through all the steps. And for someone who isn't married, doesn't have kids or one of those two, um, how do you recommend substituting those activities for marriage?

Like I think day 17 suggested take your wife on a date over the weekend. What, what would you say? What would you do instead?

Timothy: Well, I think it depends on the day. Um, and, and what the particular scripture and challenge is about. Um, we look to guys who aren't, aren't married or don't have kids and say, Hey, how can you learn from this? Or how can you apply it to another area of your life? So if it's a marriage thing, it's like, Hey, if you, if you're looking to get married or you're, you're in a relationship or whatever, how can you apply this to this?

Or how can you learn from it? How can you use this to prepare for your marriage? You know, learn from the stakes that I've made in 16 years of marriage so that you don't make those when you get married, how can you use this to become a better man now? So you don't make the mistakes that I did. You know, that, that particular day you mentioned, I think it's the day called keep the fire burning, which is about keeping marriage exciting, keeping it active and adventurous, and not allow you yourself to become stale roommates, right?

And so young men need to take that into consideration. Hey, once you, once there's a ring on it, the job isn't done, right? You have to continue to lead her. You know, and, and, and, and support her and encourage her and take responsibility for her. And so that's the lesson men need to learn before they get married.

That's, I learned the hard way, right? So, so my encouragement for men to that is to, you know, learn from it and prepare for it. And the same thing with, with fatherhood. Um, if they don't have kids yet, well, how can you learn from this? So then when you do become a father, you're there or, or maybe there's other relationships that aren't obviously a parent relationship, but maybe you're a mentor to someone, you know, maybe there's, maybe you have younger siblings that you care for, or, you know, there's, there's people who are, you know, Kind of look up to you for, for leadership and instruction and then apply it in those different ways.

Jason: That's a good idea. Thank you. Um, if there's any men listening to this and they're struggling with some form of addiction, you know, gambling, drugs, alcohol, porn, what would you tell them?

Seeking Help and Accountability

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Jason: Step number one needs to be.

Timothy: So number one is get help. You know, this isn't a battle you can fight alone. I tried for years and got nowhere. And so many men are just treading water or worse drowning and not reaching out for a lifeline. And you're not alone. You know, the men are not alone. You know, there's, there's, there's millions of men and statistics show it's more than art are struggling with some type of addictive behavior, especially pornography and sexual sin.

And so get help, you know, talk to someone, talk to me as a coach or talk to your pastor or counselor or a trusted friend. You know, you need accountability. You need support, encouragement, instruction, guidance. Um, don't fight, don't fight the battle alone, alone. Yeah. A sheep on its own will get attacked. You know, so Jesus talks about leaving, leaving the 99, the 99 will be okay.

Cause they're together. It goes after the one, because the one that's alone is vulnerable. And so when we allow ourselves to suffer in silence like that, we're that one sheep that's vulnerable to attack. So we need to seek out help. We need to seek out God's help. And, and get support in that battle.

Jason: Yeah. The topic of porn addiction, it's uncomfortable. People don't like talking about it, but I've known several men who suffer in silence trying to fight this on their own and failing, you know, it's a devastating, destructive addiction. And yeah, I like that. Go find help. And maybe, maybe you don't find the right person the first time, but keep looking for someone who, who can connect with you, who can help you.

Timothy: Yeah. We talk about in the book, one of the days is to find your Nathan.

Jason: Right.

Timothy: And I mentioned the story of David and Bathsheba earlier, kind of everybody knows that story. They don't really know what happened after. You know, where the God sent the prophet Nathan to confront, and he does, he held him accountable for his sin, called him out for it, which he could have lost his head for, right.

You know, and, but God sent him to do that. And he not only called him out for his sin, he told him the path to confession and repentance. And that's what we need. We need someone in our lives that isn't afraid to call us out on our problems, right? Who, you know, every man needs another man in his life who's, who's tells him what he needs to hear, not what he wants to hear.

Jason: Whether he likes it or not.

Timothy: Whether he likes it or not. Right. And a good friend will do that for you. And so that's what we need with this is a man that's going to come alongside of us and, and, and show us love and show us support and encouragement, but also give us a kick in the rear if we need it. And so we need those types of men.

And if you don't have that type of man in your life, you need one because you'll be vulnerable to, to falling without it.

Jason: Yeah. If I remember correctly, Nathan and David got pretty close after that too.

Timothy: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Jason: So, all right, Timothy, this has been an amazing conversation.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement

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Jason: Before we wrap up, you have any final thoughts, anything you want to share with the listeners before we wrap up? Close up.

Timothy: Yeah. If you're listening to this and anything I've said has resonated with you, like I said, just know you're not alone. There's other men that are struggling. There's other men that feel like they're just going through the motions every day and they're not making any progress. They don't feel like they have a purpose.

Maybe they're struggling with addiction, with porn or alcohol or any other things like I have maybe in guys that aren't either, but just know you're not alone. Know that you're never too far gone. You're never too broken. You're never too damaged goods. that God loves you, that Jesus Christ died for your sins and your sins are forgiven, we just have to confess, repent, and turn and live to Him.

So, know you're not alone, that you're never too broken, that God loves you and wants you to keep fighting and moving forward.

Jason: That's wonderful. And just so everyone knows you don't have to have a terrible addiction to buy this book and get something out of it. Get there before you get the addiction.

Timothy: Yeah, I mean, the addiction is stuff is kind of my Specialty kind of my forte, but, uh, this book goes far beyond that. I mean, uh, the addictive part is certainly a part of it just because so many men struggle with it. But this book in what's different from my, this book, from my first book and my, my coaching and everything is like, we're looking at the whole man.

Not just at, at the addictive part. That's a big part of a lot of men that needs to be dealt with as we spelled out in those principles. We're looking at the whole man. We're looking at his faith, his family, his, his fellowship with his other men and at everything, we're looking at the whole man and the whole man of grit that God wants us to be.

Jason: so be sure to check out the show notes for Timothy's links and guys go grab a copy of men of grit into the wilderness. It's really not that expensive. Go challenge yourself to become a godly man. So if you're enjoying this podcast, Ask you to head on over to https://myministrymission.com/support to find ways to help it grow.

Also check out the show notes for links to my website, my social media, but until next time, remember to read your Bibles. Remember to love each other. May the Lord bless you and keep you. God bless everyone. And God bless you, Timothy. Thank you for coming.

Timothy: Thank you.