When was the last time you really played? In this Emotional Push-Up with Coa Class Operations Lead, Kaily Thompson, Dr. Emily explores the benefits of play and of taking a ‘yes, and’ approach to your work and relationships. Tune in to learn how you can incorporate more play in your life, and hear Dr. Emily and Kailey play one of their very favorite games.

Thank you for listening! Staying emotionally fit takes work and repetition. That's why the Emotionally Fit podcast with psychologist Dr. Emily Anhalt delivers short, actionable Emotional Push-Ups every Monday and Thursday to help you build a better practice of mental health. Join us to kickstart your emotional fitness. Let's flex those feels and do some reps together!

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The Emotionally Fit podcast is produced by Coa, your gym for mental health. Katie Sunku Wood is the show’s producer from StudioPod Media with additional editing and sound design by nodalab, and featuring music by Milano. Special thanks to the entire Coa crew!

Ready to break an emotional sweat? Welcome to Emotionally Fit, with me, Dr. Emily Anhalt. As a therapist, I know that staying mentally healthy takes work and repetition. That's why I'll share emotional pushups, short, actionable exercises to help you strengthen your mental fitness. From improving your friendships to managing stress, let's flex those feels and do some reps together.

Hey there fit fans, I'm here today with Kailey Thompson, class operations lead at Coa and psychotherapist in training. Kailey, it's so great to have you here today.

Hi Emily. Thanks so much for having me.

Absolutely, and today Kailey, we're talking about play. So I'm curious, when is the last time you played?

Oh wow. I actually played a game of tic-tac-toe just the other day with my dad and it was really fun because I haven't done that in a long time.

I love that. What a throwback. Did either of you win or was it the dreaded tie?

I actually won because I remembered all of my old tricks, so no big deal.

That's fantastic, no big deal, you're just tic-tac-toe champion.

Yeah. Casual.

I love that. When I ask adults this question about the last time they played, they generally tell me about a game, a board game, a video game, a sports game, and don't get me wrong, these are amazing types of play. But play can mean so many things, and I'm curious Kailey, have you ever taken an improv class?

I have not taken an improv class, no.

I highly recommend it, it's all kinds of fun, and the reason I love improv is the definition of play that they use. In the improv world, play is saying yes and. It means when someone comes to us with an idea, we don't say yes but, and we don't even just say yes. We say yes and. We meet them in their idea, we build on that idea, and together, we get somewhere that neither person could have gotten to alone. So if you think about it this way, brainstorming is a type of play. Or taking a joke way too far with a friend is a type of play. Play has so many amazing benefits in our relationships too. It builds community and culture, it improves memory, it increases creativity and spontaneity. I actually read a study when I was in grad school that showed that people who play regularly live longer by a statistically significant number of years than people who don't play regularly. That's how important it is to our longevity and our satisfaction in life.

So why don't we play more? There are lots of reasons besides being overworked and tired for example. I think a lot of people don't play because being playful means being vulnerable. When we play, our guards tend to come down naturally, which is a great benefit of play but it also can be scary for people who work hard to keep their guards up. With this in mind Kailey, what role does play currently have in your life?

That is such a great question and probably one that I've never considered. I think playfulness as a quality certainly plays a role in my life. I certainly have a lot of playfulness in my relationships, which can show up as being goofy or creative or silly with one another and that's just really important to get to connect with the people in my life.

Would you say that you're a yes and person overall?

I think that I am perhaps one of the most yes and people that I know in my life. The reason being that I love saying yes and I love seeing just where saying yes will take me, so ... I've seen that play out, I've seen the positives of that for sure.

Yeah, I'd have to agree. I have seen your yes and-ness and it makes people feel really met and seen and supported, so I see you Kailey. So as we build play into our routine, as we practice being a yes and person, it tends to become easier. And to do this, I think we can start meetings with an icebreaker game, we can host an annual game of capture the flag with our team, or we can just practice saying yes and to people when someone comes with any kind of idea. Instead of saying, "Cool," you can say, "Yes and." For example let's say a friend came to you and they said, "I just had this wacky idea for a restaurant." What if at this restaurant it was an outer space themed place where all of the waiters wore silver jumpsuits? And the temptation might be to say, "Yeah. That'd be cool." Or, "Sure, yeah, I'd eat there." But instead you could try saying, "Yes, and then so what if all of the food was freeze-dried and you had to rehydrate it at the table?" And the other person could say, "Yes, and what if in order to put an order in, you would have to learn a space fact," or whatever. Obviously I'm not giving great examples here but the point is this is going to end up being a lot more fun of a conversation if you're a yes and person.

That being said, today's pushup is to play one of my very favorite games, one of my favorite ways to integrate play into life, and that is a game called Got It. I learned this game at summer camp, but it's actually gotten really popular on TikTok recently. I've heard it Convergence or Mind Meld. it's one of my favorites for two people to play or for a giant group of people to play. So I'm going to explain the rules, and then Kailey, if you're up for it, I'd love for us to play a round together. What do you think?

I am so up for this.

Yes, okay, love it, all right. So here's how Got It Works. Kailey, you and I are both going to try to think of a random word. It can be any word, it can be a celebrity's name or a verb or a food or a country. Any word that both of us are likely to know, and when you feel like you have it, you're going to say, "Got it," and when I have it, I'll say, "Got it," and when we both have a word then I'm going to count us down. Three, two, one, and we're both going to say our word at the same time.

So now we have these two random words. Let's say the words are elephant and airplane. The next round of this game is that we're going to try to think of a word that connects these two words somehow. There's no wrong answer, however your mind connects these two words. So for elephant and airplane, maybe you think big or gray or magical. When you feel like you have a word in your mind, you're going to say, "Got it," I'll do the same. When we both have one, I'll count us down, three, two, one, we'll both say our word, and we're going to keep doing this until we both say the same word at the same time.

Now what I love about this game is sometimes it takes 10 seconds, sometimes it takes 10 minutes, but if you stick with it, you will get to the same word. I have never unsuccessfully finished a round of Got It. So should we do it Kailey? You ready?

Yes, I'm so ready.

Okay, let me think of a good first word.

Got it.

Okay, got it. All right, ready? Three, two, one.

Bridge.

Couch. Ooh, okay. Got it.

Got it.

Okay ready?

Yeah.

Three, two, one.

Moving.

Connect. Ooh, love it. Connect and moving.

Oh good one. I like your word. Connect.

And moving.

Got it.

Okay, got it. Ready?

Okay, yeah.

Three, two, one.

Friends.

Magnet. Aww.

That's cute.

I love it.

Okay, friends and magnet. Okay, got it.

Okay got it. Ready?

Okay, yes.

Three, two, one.

Fridge.

Love. Oh, that's cute. Like you have a picture of your friends on your fridge?

That's where my head was at.

That's so good. I'm super into it. Okay, now we're at fridge and love and I feel I got that one.

Fridge and love. I feel like I've got it.

Okay, ready?

Yeah.

Three, two, one.

Ice cream.

Food. Okay, we're circling in. All right, food and ice cream.

Okay, I got it.

You've got it?

Yeah.

Great, I think, maybe I have it. Okay, ready?

Yeah.

Three, two, one. Dessert.

Dessert.

Yes.

Yes.

Yeah, all right. That was a good one. Kailey, thank you so much for playing with me.

Thank you, that was really fun.

What I love about this game is you have to be a yes and person. You have to be willing to meet the person wherever they are and to keep the game going and to not drop it or turn away, but if you do it can completely change the situation. I often play this game when I'm in a group of people and it feels like we're having trouble thinking together. It's a great campfire game, it's a great car ride game, but mostly, I just really love having a chance to play with you Kailey and to have a moment of connection, so thanks for flexing those feels and breaking an emotional sweat and playing today and I look forward to seeing you soon.

Good. Thanks Emily.

Bye Kailey.

Thanks for listening to Emotionally Fit, hosted by me, Dr. Emily Anhalt. New pushups drop every Monday and Thursday. Did you do today's pushup alongside me and my guest? Tweet your experience with the hashtag #EmotionallyFit and follow me @dremilyanhalt. Please rate, review, follow, and share the show wherever you listen to podcasts. This podcast is produced by Coa, your gym for mental health, where you can take live therapist-led classes online. From group sessions to therapist matchmaking, Coa will help you build your emotional fitness routine. Head to joincoa.com, that's join-C-O-A.com, to learn more and follow us on Twitter and Instagram @joincoa. From Studio Pod Media in San Francisco, our producer is Katie Sunku Wood. Music is by Milano. Special thanks to the entire Coa crew.