BTW - If you didn't already know, I'm Sarah - Drink Less; Live Better founder, best-selling author, expert speaker, life coach and, as you already know, podcast host!
We don't have to hit rock bottom, we're allowed to want something different and we can CHOOSE to improve our lives from this point onwards.
I work in the magic space where doubt, hope and action meet... oh.... and
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Transcripts
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Hello and welcome to this episode of the Drink Less, Live Better podcast. I'm your host, Sarah Williamson, and I'm really glad you're here.
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Welcome back to my "Things You'll Never Hear Me Say" series, and for today we're looking at: you need personal development and growth. Now, before anyone thinks I've suddenly abandoned all self-reflection ideals and taken up a life of ignoring my feelings, let me explain. I believe in self-reflection. I believe in understanding our own emotional landscapes. I think it's useful to stop occasionally and ask yourself some questions: why did that upset me? What am I trying to avoid? Is there something I could do with changing? Am I behaving in a way that is actually consistent with the person I want to be? Those are useful questions.
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But I think we can take this self-development business a little too far, because we now have an enormous industry telling us that we are projects. And I'm here to tell you, people are not projects. If I've said that once, well, you know I've said it a lot of times: people are not projects. We're led to believe that there's always something to fix: your mindset, your boundaries, your nervous system, your inner child, your limiting beliefs, your attachment style, your morning routine, your relationship with money, your relationship with food, your relationship with yourself, your chakras. I need a lie down just thinking about the endless work. It sounds like a full-time job and not a fun job either.
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I wonder whether we have confused self-awareness with self-obsession. There is a point where reflection stops helping you to understand your life and starts becoming another way of just staying inside your own head. Last Christmas, my friend Anne stopped me short in a conversation about reading non-fiction books. "Well," Sarah, she said, "there is only so much navel gazing that is good for you." And guess what? She's correct.
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You can analyze yourself forever if you want to. "Why am I like this? Where did this come from? What does this mean? What does this say about me?" And sometimes the answer is simply this: you are a human being. You had a bad day. You got something wrong. Someone annoyed you. You made a rubbish decision. You behaved badly. You behaved brilliantly. You changed your mind. You do not need to turn every experience into a personal development opportunity. Sometimes something can just happen.
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And sometimes you don't need more insight or more wisdom. Maybe you already know you need to stop drinking so much. Maybe you already know you need to leave that situation. Maybe you already know you need to have that conversation. Maybe you already know you need to stop saying yes to things you don't want to do. You might just need to get on with it. And I think that perhaps says something wonderfully liberating about recognizing that.
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Personal development should help you participate more fully in your life, but it shouldn't become your life. Because if you're spending all your time analyzing yourself, improving yourself, fixing yourself, and trying to become some beautifully optimized version of yourself, when exactly are you supposed to actually live your life? Go outside. Call someone you love. Learn something because you're interested, not because you're trying to become better, get another certificate, or prove yourself. Make dinner. Laugh with someone you love. Fold the laundry. Look at old photos. Walk the dog. Color in a picture. Do something for absolutely no developmental benefit whatsoever.
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Reflect on stuff if you like, but some reflections need an ending. At some point, you can close the journal, put down the self-help book, stop asking what this experience is teaching you, and just experience it. You are a person, and your life is happening right now. You do not have to spend all of it working on yourself or improving yourself. Perhaps you are just right as you are just now. You can simply get on with being you.
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Thank you for being here with me today. You can find me online at drinklesslive better.com, where you'll find lots of supportive resources. And you can check out today's podcast show notes for a link to a hidden podcast episode that will help with your 5 p.m. cravings and details about my one-to-one life coaching and sober coaching programs. And P.S. I believe in you.
