In the final part of this 3-part series, Peter Parker continues to open up about his life journey, including struggling with loss of self-esteem and depression. He discusses reconnecting with music projects and friends that helped pull him out of a self-destructive period. Peter also shares being diagnosed with ADHD and anxiety as an adult and the self-work he has done to better understand himself and integrate those aspects of who he is. He talks about appearing in a Russian documentary film that was difficult for him to watch at first but ultimately helped build his confidence back. Peter emphasizes the importance of community and describes how he has been able to tap back into his passion for DJing and music by connecting with supportive friends old and new. He seems to now have greater self-awareness and resilience to cope with setbacks. Ultimately, Peter conveys being in a positive place where he feels aligned with his purpose and excited about current and future creative projects.

Peter Parker 0:04

For me, it's like, it's like, I've never, it's like, it's a bit like a therapy, you know, like, because I've never, I've never had like to actually talk about all this stuff. And like having all these experiences which are quite, you know, which are just experiences for me. And, like, obviously, like, because I've retract, or what I kind of distanced myself from, from everything, and everyone, so it became like, quite insular. And it's only since me and my partner that like, you know, like, it's sort of like hitting a reset button and then coming back the other way. And getting back to being like, who I who I really am. If you don't have a minus all the damage?

Adam Gow 1:31

Well, let's get into it then. So, when we were when we were ending, the last, let's call it episode, basically, you just talked about that you'd gone into this three years of self destruct, let's say, what was it that got you out of this long period, then.

Peter Parker 1:45

So I do remember that, like, before, I was chatting about how like, I felt like, I'd broken my friendships and stuff like that, the it was two instrumental things at that time, which, like, helped me to get by or whatever. And that was Chris. And Chris is like, he, you know, I was, he's the only person is Chris Drori the artist. So he's the only person actually that I was going and sharing this stuff with, he was kind of, I guess, like, cuz I'd go round. And he had this family life, you know, with with his partner law, and like, they like her, their kid nev. And like, it was something at that time where I was so lost that I craved it, you know, so I would regularly, like, just kind of sort myself out and go and knock on there's that sort of tea time or whatever, and go and hang out with them just for a little bit to just kind of, like, have like, a bit of normality to my day. Because everything else that I was doing was not normal, you know what I mean? It was like, and it was an ongoing thing. And like I would be, it would be so inconvenient at times, you know, and they would always open the door and always let me come and just sit there and, you know, just kind of join in or just write like, whatever I don't know, sometimes, like have tea or whatever, but always just like, always, like be welcoming to me. And then also, after after, like this, suppose is the year that I've taken off Wi Fi like me, and sneakers had like, a little bit of distance. And he was like, Do you want to come and visit? You know, do you want to join a concert? And like, really, you know, like, because I just thought I'd messed everything up hard. And I did I went and visited and it was just like, it was so it was just like a you know, like a ploy it was like, not like a lifeline. But that's how it felt to me personally, I know if I say lifeline, like, as a term, people will be like her. Yeah, whatever. But I genuinely mean it, you know, like, because I'd felt that I'd lost or like my self esteem, and all this stuff was happening. I lost it at that point, but it was all getting chipped away. You know, when I was doing nothing. That's not fair or right. It's not that I wasn't doing anything. It was kind of like this this point. It was like if I did have these things, which I now know that I have like, like anxiety and depression and all like, you know, with ADHD and stuff at this point in my life, I'm alone, you know, with those things and unfortunately, the makes your biggest enemy is yourself. You develop this other and you know, like everybody else like that internal voice. My internal voice was just wasn't nice, you know? And it was just like, it was like I was just craving things which just were like quick fixes like to the to the ego and stuff. Unfortunately like you know, It was just like, that was the path that I'd started taking, you know, which, at the beginning I thought was freedom. And it was actually the total opposite. It's like in mental incarceration, because I'm only I only have myself to answer to. So I'm kind of, you know, like, kind of doing this stuff, which I'm always like, naughty and I'm doing it anyway, no light and all this shit. And then I went over to see sneak and I don't know, it's just kind of like it was just like a reconnection of like now we actually we are still like best friends you know, we are still practically family like how I how I saw it, but I was these unfortunate things, you know, it got to a point where you have to make a call, somebody has to make a decision or somebody has to, you know, and that whole thing about wanting to take some time out. It was just me trying to take the reins on some of it, you know, and I think in doing that, yeah, I did, I did take the reigns. But the fallout of that I had no idea you know, the seismic the seismic sort of rupture that that would just start in my life. And like, you know, like with any kind of ruptured, it just grows and spreads. And that's what was happening. But yeah, sneak. Anyway, I went over to Berlin and I met his friends, he kind of garnered he met, he started his own new life, you know, kind of with his partner, and he was finding his own way. And I think we all needed to do that Chris included, you know, but I think, my, my, and sneaks decisions of what we what we chose to do were much more extreme, much more kind of Die Hard. I think Chris craved like, the simple. He just wanted to have a job and earn some money and be able to pay his way like that instead of like, handsome alpha. And you know, when you're, when you're a musician, or you're an artist, like kids, it's real. Most of us are starving. You know, like, when you're in that when you're in that time, you know, it's just like I was so skin and like, like, I got tucked off coder, like finger thing. It was like, there was no longer activity, but I was still kind of doing DJing and I kind of decided to do this project. I was like, Oh, I'm going to be more myself than ever. And I was like, I'm going to be Parker Tron, do this thing. And I started making all this shit. I was just so lost, you know, but I was just trying to find like, the next thing so kind of doing that and what

Adam Gow 7:33

sort of gigs we're getting.

Peter Parker 7:36

While I was still kind of doing, I was still doing like DJ stuff with Coda which to be honest, like, it just there were so few and far between I couldn't make a living from it. But yeah, you know, I, I, I only have myself to answer for. So I'm not it's not about blame, or trying to attribute anything. I'm just gonna be 100% honest and real about like, about that time. And, like, I was like, I didn't have all the faculties required. You know, like, in this day and age where you see like DJs and you know, the staring right into the screen and you've got like your online persona. Yeah, and your hands move when you do Oh, yeah, look at this, doing all the fucking stereotype shit that everybody else does. i That's not me, you know, and

Adam Gow 8:21

that's a whole big conversation like as a DJ. In this day and age, you do need to be able to market yourself and as a creative it's kinda like, how much time do you spend refining your craft practising creating and how much of your time do you spend marketing you know, there's going to be a lot of very talented DJs that haven't gotten to a certain level because they didn't want to put that time into the market and bit of it. What

Peter Parker 8:48

I would say to that is if you're if you're if you love it, do it because you love it do it for that love will never come back in any form of like money or like outside like it's just the process is just doing some of it because you love it. Like that's that's that is your reward. Do you know what I mean?

Adam Gow 9:12

Just yeah, but if you want that to put food on your table, there's the sacrifices involved as well there's the two different ways do you want to do it because you love it or do you want to do it to to have a roof

Peter Parker 9:23

I'm not interested in making those sacrifices if that's what I've if I've got a fucking dance on a pole for 90 seconds because it fits in with some fucking Apple whatever then if that's what you it's like, let's face it, everybody Yeah, I respect what you're saying like everybody wants to put food on the table and you know, I'd say go local. You know what I mean? Like do it in your surrounding area where like you couldn't you have a little bit more like this thing would everybody going online and doing this thing is it's brilliant but it is also like, you know if you look at if you look back in history at like a lot of artists and like some of the biggest ones unfortunately they didn't get Their flowers at the time. You know, like, they they did it, because that's what they were. That's who they were. And that I think that's the thing. I don't think I'm like a DJ like that. I'm an artist, do you not? I mean, you've got some fucking integrity. And there's just it's like, yeah, like, my, my, my relationship with coder didn't go well, because like, I'm not making like these tapes and doing all these things. And I'm not going out there and you're not. I'm not playing. I'm not playing the game, everybody. Yeah, game is there's a big, big, big part of it. That is a game you know, but your your art doesn't have to be a game. You know, maybe it's a DJ like, but I've it's like, I don't really, I don't DJ DJ out. It's like, no one wants to listen to fucking Conan. And like a tiny bit of Slipknot with like a NAS acapella, you know, I mean, there's the stuff that I like, you know, yeah. And, and you can only go out and play your favourite records so many times, and I don't know, I'm talking, this is my old perspective, I'm trying to, you know, how he talks about how, like, now I'm much more of an open book to everything, you know, and I'm trying to do like, what, you know, I'm trying to do what's what's what's required, or, you know, what's I want to be like, you know, like, I want to be a part of this thing. But I've realised, after all this time, now that it's all about the community. You know, it's, well,

let's come back to that in a bit, then. Because I think we took we touched on that the other day, I've just taken your miles off. So where you were last, where you were, before we kind of went off there, you were saying about how you've gone over to Berlin and a new and sneak had kind of had to go a bit more extreme than Chris, to kind of find yourself. So from there, then what was it at that point that started the ball rolling with you kind of finding your way again, so

the biggest most while there was like two things like sneak basically, was putting together a UK tour of him and a drummer for his solo album. And I was like, Do you need a roadie? You know, like, I'll come with you, I'd love to come with you just to hear what just to have in play, to be honest. And just, you know, and like, just just go and have that connection with him again, and even though it would be to help him do his thing. Anyway, I went to Big Chill, which was this one. And I was with like Mr. scruffs. Crew, like Andrea, his partner for and they were all like, you know, old friends and that so it was really nice to just go and kind of be out of my, like, really disruptive environment where, you know, I was my own worst enemy and just be in something that was really nice and like, and see, see sneak and have some purpose to actually go out because I wasn't going out anywhere. I wasn't seeing anyone or go into pubs. And I was doing a little music thing. But it was restricted to just that and, and my other stuff that I was going and getting up to which was on my own and, you know,

Can I Can I just ask on that then with your crew? And we'll come back to this Sunday. Did you have a totally different social circle you were doing these things with? Or were you just in isolation is

isolation. Right? Wow. Yeah, everything was in isolation. And then I was going in and I was like, hopping over to other countries and doing stuff, you know, sometimes, like DJing, or trying to get a gig in between and that but I'd like having just having this like this, this this relationship, you know, that was just it's just just eaten me up, you know, because I was I was way over my head. Like, not only with the experiences that I was having, but I was realising that I'm not that person. I'm not That's not who I am. That's not me, you know, so kind of going through all this stuff, and it's cut to the chase at this big chill. Like I was having this really nice time with everyone. Yeah, it got to the Sunday and I went off to the toilet or whatever. And I was kind of back walking down the hill and then the three girls one of them being viva, Bev who she was like me like me how me and snake and Bev part of the rain Christian family, you know, Tara and everything. She's like my sister, cuz we just had all these experiences together. She's we're all the same age. And she was with these two other girls like male and fi Fi is my now partner. And I met these girls and they basically asked Yeah, I was like, Oh, I'm with with snake and they sort of like, right, we're gonna hang out now. And you know, and it was like I've been crate like craving like and interaction with like, girls that were just like I just back on my level. And that's exactly what they are. And we're, you know, and like having that we just had like the most amazing time and I think me and fi basically just kind of the bed even was like, let me introduce you to your new husband, or you've let me introduce you to your future husband. That was a, you know, it's like, oh, I, we spent this time just had a proper laugh. And it basically like, I was like, this is this, this is what this is where my life should go and like, I'm I'm just going to fuck off everything all that old. Like, I've got a ring this person to just say it's over, you know, and I can't see you anymore. Like best of luck with the rest of your life by nuts, you know? And it it was I got some really horrible stuff. We all go things, you know, stuff that you have to kind of live with. But everything turned out fine. It was all just words. And yeah, and and then me and fi within like a couple of minutes tears out like fees or drama with a band called The whip Manchester band called the work right? And I'd been I'd seen her doing her thing. I can't tell you like for somebody using syndromes. Like, just, I just didn't, it was just like, I thought that all of a sudden, she's in my life, you know? And we just hit it off. And it's just, it's so crazy. Like our history is she's from Burnley originally. And like how she came to Manchester and she's just like this social whirlwind. In fact, I will say, Well, that's a hurricane and her bed and it's like her and Bella got this ridiculously deep that like bezzie mates and it's like, okay, you know, it's kind of like these things with its DNA and basically just found my future partner, do you not? I mean, so it was like, I had to, yeah, you know, I had to kind of, you know, we hit it off. And I've heard and I was like, this is this is where I want to be with and, and it started this reconstruction, you know, as he

said, There was two things what was the first thing the hanging was scruff and everyone was the star is that another thing?

What thing?

Because you said there was two things that kind of happened that kind of got you kind of back to where you needed to be?

Yeah, it was it was, I suppose it was kind of like sneak seen sneak and, and spending that time with Chris to just try and have something to stop me for collusion completely derail in, but there I got Yeah, you know, like bumping into fee. It was kind of like grabbing onto these last sort of ropes, you know, and it's like, Am I ever gonna go completely off or start pulling myself back in? You know, yeah, that's how it that's how, and it's like, me now. This is like, nearly 13 years later, you know, I've been rebuilding myself. It's not been a fast process, you know?

Yeah, cuz I was gonna say so after meeting fi then what happened with you, musically as you were getting back into being yourself? Right.

So what happened was fee's hearing from everybody about who I am, or what I achieved, actually been listening to the finger thing and it's like, no way, you know, you guys are like heralded as like that. Or did you listen, you know, and I'm, my self esteem is gone. You know, I'm like, yeah, really, whatever, you know, just not really seeing it. And that's actually a beautiful thing. You know, to not just be humble and just whatever, you know. But this guy, Tom Piper, there's a there's a folk singer called Jessica hoop. Right? And incredible singer, this American last. Her manager, me and him go way back from experiences. Because obviously, we're very Christian, everything we're talking like, may not mainstage or like other stage stuff at like all festivals all around the world. Like, all this stuff. So you meet all these peeps. Tom Piper was one and he, he knew about my skill set. And he made it so he was he was representing Jessica at the time. And he she had recorded this album, which was very production heavy. And and he's like, can we have a coffee and I went and met with him and, and Tom's like, well, we're looking for a way to do this live to for Hartford to have this sound. It pushed a couple of CDs onto my door and I was you know, like folk. I don't want to I know you know, whatever. would put the CDs on anyway though, and like the voice is just absolutely incredible. Phenomenal. Even, you know, like, I've been like, wow, on my doorstep what's going on? You know? Anyway, nice. I can you know, is there a way that you can think to sort of do this? And I'm like, maybe I could do that. Like, that's not? Yeah. And he's like, Would you be interested in doing it? Like? Yeah, yeah. And so I got her records. And what I wanted to present to her was like, we're going to, you're going to do your thing, but I'm going to sample all the all the raw parts, and I'm going to rebuild the tracks so that I can play them live for you. But you have that sound that you want, instead of having a drummer and you have to find the try and get the sound via an engineer, which is incredibly hard. Even for one venue, let alone doing a tour and going in expecting to get like this. Like, that's like, it's like an engineers idea of how, but like, if I use the actual recordings, and just use instead of all of them just a little bit, I can I can get it sound. And so I'm like in the room playing, but that's the exact sound you want, you know. So that's what we did. She got she got us all a talk. And they had Tom had this faith in me. Yeah, and it's that we've got to go, like going back to that kind of someone showing faith in in me that that meant a lot, so much so that I'm not gonna turn something down, even though it's a folk singer going doing the stuff and I want to introduce an NPC into her lovely acoustic environment. You know, he said, Yeah, so I went about doing it, and I did it. And then and then next thing, you know, there's this European tour coming up, you know, Dan, you know, we're gonna go and do this thing, ended up playing a David Lynch's club in Paris, crazy me down in this, obviously, by like, we were going around, but check there. So on I think like the first date, we've gone down and done a date down south, before we get on the Euro tunnel, you know, to go around Europe, and just woke up first thing in the morning, whatever, like, Yeah, let's go. I said to myself, this is this is happening, and you're going to do this, you're going to rise to it, and you're going to make it happen, you know, that kind of thing. And it all was when put my sock on? I felt this ping in my back. Yeah. Like, and it wasn't just like your average ping. It was like, you know, ask any, any late 30s. In fact, any tall dude, you know, like, I basically slipped a disc in my back. Yeah. And then we went around Europe for about six days. I didn't know this at the time, but we just went on a European tour. And we were all just sat in a in a van. So you know, like, sometimes that can be I don't know, whether any of you have driven around Europe, but like, in a van like that the seats don't recline, or you know, it's very limited as to what you can do. So I wasn't resting, I was just stressing this this injury. But we will go in and doing these and having these experiences and it's like, yeah, I'm in a folk band. And ultimately, even the producers of the album came to the lynch one to the to the Paris show, I didn't go out there because just felt a bit uncomfortable. Or I was and she came, she's like, they're out there, you know, and they listened. And they said that, like they loved it. They loved it. You know, they like said like, what a great job you've done. I'm there. Just kind of get that and I'm like, like wicked that means that I have done it. Or I do you know what I mean? But the tour, nothing was said the tour ended and like, it clearly was a you know, I don't know how it would have been seen. But that was something that I did. It was like, you know, to kind of keep keep me involved with music to a certain extent because I'd lost this faith in courts and samples, but oh, here's something so what can you realise sampling kind of nows. Do you not? I mean, it's like wicked, you've got to do it. And I was offered money for it. And, you know, did it and it was an incredible experience. But yeah, slits at this give me back and then I was out. I was out for like, I don't know, like a long time. You know, that was like new, like fresh challenges, you know, but we ended up like, but off the back of that me and snake was still kind of doing stuff and like, you know, kind of going through this rebuild process. And I heard her singing. I feel love by Donna Summer. Like, while we're on tour one time, I'm like, wow, you know, how can I, I need that. I need it. I don't know how we're gonna do it, but I need it, you know? And then we ended up I don't know how it happened. Well, I just want to record it, you know, should we do it? And we did. And then that happened. And then like that got signed to true thoughts. But unfortunately, it took like best part of three years to come out. You know, like, because of delays with like there and you know, like they were putting together a compilation of covers, and, you know, acquire, acquire in everything that you need when you were label. It's not about the artists it's about the labour are wanting what they want, and you know, and what they need. And there was never any point of like, can we have the tune back? Because that was just like something, you know, I mean, it was something positive.

Yeah. And I suppose if they're doing if they're doing an album covers, there's just one thing that's good. If there's one thing that where they need to get kind of rights or permissions are anything, it can just keep the whole project delayed on hold. But

at this time, I'm also doing I'm also so we're co produce it like my main gas, mechanical, mechanical, who would he was talking about, because I went back, I listened to the podcast, so if it's amazing, and he, I always admired his sound. And after working with James Ford, and everything, like it was like, who can? Who can? Who can we work with? Who? Who? Who's that God? And it's actually he can, you know, and we, we built all this, like, really cool friendship where he was willing to help engineer and, like, just just just help me finish stuff. Do you know what I mean? Because sneaks in Berlin, and we've got these bits and everything, but it's like some of these doing some of these finishing and you know, yeah, but like, if you listen, that's the return of the thing up, there's no cuts on it. hardly, hardly any, because I just fucking totally lost it. You know, and it was say, to sneak like, a fallen out of love me a falling out of love. That was the best way I could put it, you know? Yes. Like, I didn't realise that that was just me talking about my self esteem. And and like how it was directly connected to like my expression in a particular form.

But that's like, I'm sure that Clapton will go like 18 months without touching the guitar. Or six months or some sound Clapton will go sit, like quite a long time without even touching the guitar like, this is the relationship like, this is kind of the point. This is the sort of stuff that I want to cover in the podcast is with people, like, your relationship with your art isn't necessarily going to be uniform all through life, we fall in and out of love with it, and how do we get pulled back into it? You know, all these things are this is it's really interesting. So

So Okay, right. Well, it was it was absolute fracture. Yeah, absolutely. I wasn't touching them. And it was, it was because like, always my first thought of when I do, it's like, what I do ain't that great. And everybody knows, like, if you want to be if you want to be a good salesman, you've got to have sharp tools, you know, you've got to have a decent blade, and it's like, my shit was rusty, you know, but you couple that with some hardcore depression and a fucking gallop and calm down, and you're like, you know, like, trying to have a funky colour, you know, and it's just like, just wasn't, you know, I won't do it anyway. I'm going to fast forward to COVID Yeah, so this is like the one of the one of the most pivotal things I can think of what was it? Was it COVID? Or was it just just before that? Anyway, sneak went through his own life experiences, you know, not everything worked out for him. And he had to kind of find himself, you know, which he has done massively, but in another country, and we've been through some really deep journeys, and he was then sharing a room with what was the German DMC champion? Like what the fuck in German dear? Yeah, mate, this guy's name is Robert Smith, or is that his name's Rick, everybody's like this. You know? I'm like, what your, you know, share him. Like what? He's like, Yeah, like this kid, man. He's like, and it's like, he's sick. While he prayed. He practices so hard. Like, he just you know, for hours on end and I like I love that. I love that. And he's just like this old. It's like, it's like this old romantic notion. I remember I remember where I used to run on and fucking practice and just keep going and going and going and going it's because you want it because he's got the fucking hunger you know? And anyway I go and see sneak and meet Rick for the first time. And this guy has, he's like, just so lovely. Like and completely open arms and like Dan, you want to use my stuff you can use all you just go you know, like, what if there's anything you want to do? Or if you'd like to have a court or something like your style like finger thing? Oh, my You know, like, oh my goodness, like you guys like honestly, like you guys you don't even know you know, or like some of the people like it's like, fucking legendary, you know, all this shit. And I'm like, nice one. Me. That's amazing. You know, like, can't believe it. But then like also like shit. Like, that's ace that this got this kid saying that and also shares when we sneak and hang on I can use all of the stuff being around that yeah, that passion. Like he's like it's like a it's like a generate. It's like a passion generator. Like I

think he's got a new DJ name there.

First DP passion generation anyway. Yeah, I like this guy. And it just I don't know, I guess it's that it's that thing. It's like a sort of the it was like an introduction like the modern community, not the community where everyone's afraid of each other. There's all this intimidation and all this fucking shit. You're out there on your own and anxiety and I've got no one else and I'm almost done. All this shit, none of that. I'm spending time with Rick. And he's like, Dan, you know, like every fan. It's so different now. You know, like, everyone's cool with each other. And everybody just wants to build, you know, God, like this is Dream ship wreck. And like, this is like, I can't I can't tell you how deep this is. For me and like, the where I've been, but where I'm at now. And the fact that you're here and you share a room with snake. This is crazy. And it was just like this, this spark and fast forward. So COVID happening. And it was Captain Crunch. Yeah, so Captain Crunch, was doing some stuff with the community scratch guys. He was doing some footage. And he was like, he got in touch basically, because he'd been staying with Rick, and he's big into finger thing. Like, ah, that's amazing. Like, no way. You know, we got chatting and he he sent me this message saying, We're gonna do a COVID video for DJs around the world because we're on lockdown. But to show a community, a show, sort of strengthen community. have everybody back to back. So you get like 20 seconds or whatever, over a beat the world's sickest, like, Do you know what I mean? And I'm like, you ask it, you're asking me like, I don't know, whether I don't know, whether I'm I don't know whether or not to it me. And he's like, you totally are. Like, you've been you've been doing this stuff, you know? And I'm like, am I? Okay? You know, okay, I'll give it a go. So, you know, he sent me the B and it was sent if it was like, it was a nice low flow, but as low flow. Yeah, beat let's say, Oh, my Oh shit, because I just hadn't, you know, hadn't gone over that tempo for so long. And I'm like, I'll do it. I'm doing it. You know, like, just, I'm doing it. Just bear with me. I'm a bit broken, that I'm just trying to be honest with him and timely stuff. And he's like, Nah, you can do it, man. You know? So that was it. I thought hyperfocused with this thing, and I like went in and I practised hard, harder than harder than I ever had, like, because I was inspired, you know? And I sent him and then like, you know, I don't know a couple of weeks later whatever this bucket in this video comes with all these killers in it and then yeah, there's me you know, like doing a little bit I'm like, shit, man. sounds fucking good. Do you know I mean? And again, it's just all this all these things and yeah, like and it's just like a complete neutralisation. You don't have to go in and do it all this stuff. I've been brought right back to like ground level and all everything that that inspires me and I get inspired by now I'm not watching videos and shit or if I am that just a my mates, all the people that I surround myself with because like the Battlestar Mancunians, well reform radio this this, they were going to start this is like 2014 or whatever. My mate Johnny dog he lives in in Japan now. And they were all chatting and we were in this car and they were talking about like, oh, you should do some you should do a show where it's like a crew, you know, with like a view like you know, like who like oh daddy drive through. Jaime groupement Like Parker, you know, G cord and I'm like, Man, that's crazy. And we all met to chat chat about it and I'm like, guys, like I can't tell you like I want to be part of this so so badly but I am not gonna be able to do it by myself. You know, like I don't I don't know what you think but I'm you know, I'm like I have these challenges you know, and I didn't know what anything was at that time but it was just trying to be honest with it. It was like Oh, come on, because we're all old mates. You know and we start playfully we started this thing and which we went on to name Potsdam on Kunia and again, like just my friends and like this ground ground zero things like I'd spent ID Jade with these guys back in the day or whatever at times but not spent actual real quality time. But these DJs and everything ended up being like my my now best friends you know, like along with like sneaking quizzes and you know, I guess just having that ethos you know, of like practising does make you better and it's like, man, I've got these I've got these tools that pretty sick you know the king rusty but that's how you are you know, If you if you sharpen a ball, you know, and that's how it's been, since that COVID Point and but, you know, when I'm a father now and so

you were saying to me the other day that there was kind of a process you had to go through, to get to the point of having, having your daughter. So,

so me and fi are, you know, having the, like, starting to build a life together. And Kiva comes along, and, you know, she was like, this gigantic ray of hope, genuine hope that's not attached to anything, you know, like this thing. Who I want to be the best dad. I want to be the best dad ever. What do I need to do? You know, like, I need to be, I want her to, you know, to see that I'm, I am something not like, Oh, crap blue lay is these old things from years ago, you know, but I don't do any of that anymore. Or I'm not, you know, I don't you know, whatever. It's like, Nah, I want to be who everybody wants me to be, you know, but it's like, yeah. Having Keever and so on it all when it all like it all just went really bad when Kivas to me and fee, because she's a drama, we've got a thing called Flex that we do, which is like her soul kind of techno and house and I'm in her territory, but doing my thing. And we've found this really nice little Avenue and we're doing some gigs on that. And we've got a gig a beat herder. It's an hour, we're just doing the Line Check. It's an hour before we got to go on. And fi gets this phone call from a sister. And basically, her dad passed away. Like, just out of the blue, you know, and the relationship that I built with this guy was like, I can't tell you how. How much it man, you know, and how much I loved them. And it was just so like, seismic and like, we did the gig, we were like, shut it in and feel like slightly it was to do the cake it was to do the gig. So we we did a slight this fucking crazy experience. But then like the, the next few months of like, you know, like, chaos, you know, like, because just everything's just complete chaos. That's all I can put it and my lack of control over any of this was when my anxiety came to the fore in its in its like, I saw like the true sort of power and sort of devastation of something that had been lying underneath dormant inside me, whatever, whatever that may be, or the different events that I've had in my life and different elements of trauma and stuff. It Yeah, I like I just Just what it was complete emotional loss, like a wake up in the morning and just start crying. You know, like, I've got a family, what you're gonna do, you know, it's like, I've got a family and these rains to keep hold off, you know? Me It's like the hardest time in my life ever. And I'd already had some like trials and tribulations and things that actually, you know, like, oh, yeah, whatever. Dealing with these things, these experiences, like slipping a desk or whatever, all pain, different things, but like this kind of, like complete loss of everything. It was like this new new by this time I've got like tinnitus, you know, I know like 24/7 and all this and like, I thought I was just like such despair me and but in that in that it's kind of like it was like, I don't know, like a complete sort of neutralisation. Because how do I how do I come? How do I come back from this? Do you know what I mean? And I tried various things. I was like, people were talking about Michael Dawson with all these things. And what actually so I tried, it was getting no answers. I was like masking something still, but you're not getting no answers anyway, yeah, got in touch with a doctor and got shut in. And eventually came to the point where it's like, right, I think of course of antidepressants, just while you're like at this very acute stage and some cognitive behavioural therapy. Yeah, and the If depressants actually helped to kind of level me out, you know, like they that's exactly what it did. It was just kind of that playing field that it's all it was all just absolutely chaotic was like, Oh, okay. Okay, so what else do I need to do? Right? Do this therapy? You know?

How did you find that? Did you find it easy to share? I mean, because for me with this interview, you're a hugely open book is Have you become like that after therapy? Or have you always been like that,

it's always it's always been there, I've just never had the opportunity to talk about it. And it's the same with you now when like this, and you know, like, so I'm having this chart, I even got to the Russian jet. Like, this is this is like a, it's like Pulp Fiction, or something that I'm gonna have to kind of jump back. But anyway, so I'm having CBT therapy with this guy down the phone. And after a few sessions, he's sending me these, you know, he's listening. And he's like, I think, yeah, you've lost your self esteem. You know, it's, it's, it's gone. And he's like, you know, we're talking about experiences. And he's like, can you just tell me what evidence you've got to backup all this stuff that you're saying, you know, all these things that you're saying about yourself? What evidence Have you got to to? To prove this? I'm like, I haven't got any, I haven't gotten to, you know, when he sent me these pamphlets, like, it's like, shit, man, this might actually be what's happening, you know? And I'm like, oh, so there is also this thing. Like, I've been asked to do a documentary in Russia with these Russian guys about music in Moscow. They want me to go over and be part of this documentary. This guy's laughing down the phone. And he's like, he's like, somewhere you got to do it, you know? And I'm like, Well, yeah, I mean, what I've met, who's gonna turn down? It's like, it's the opportunity of a lifetime in it. I mean, he's got to turn that down. So yeah, like a few months later, as soon as the this was in the early days of the COVID, before the hyper lockdown, where countries were locked for a bit, but then open the doors again, like naive, or whatever. Same thing happened in Moscow in Russia. And I met these dudes in wali range, right, these guys got in touch on Facebook and the like, we're here making a documentary called landscape of music about British music culture and the historic the historic. The historic others just say the historic music that's come out of all these cities and Manchester's very special. Can we come and talk to you? Like, yeah, all right. You know, I live here if you come here, then fair enough, you know, and yeah, next thing I know like these Russian dudes have all cycled there are bikes they bought bright bikes when the fucking bike in the biking everywhere, you know. So I go across the road, and I'm in. I'm in Bali range, and I'm in Alex Park. And then these guys set the stuff up and they're like, can we interview you? I'm like, yeah. Now bear in mind this is just before this is just before the chaos Yeah, this is just before the chaos bought myself as to everything was what it was a bit fractured. But the questions that they asked were like, you know, what, what is music for you? You know, just this stuff, where it went beyond and deeper than any esteem or any, any high shots like this stuff cut, like and the film in me. And I think my eyes lit up when they ask these questions because I'm rekindling that like, what it is this romance it's this it's this love is this it's this is this everything you know, and so I kind of paint this picture as part of this, you know, I ended up inviting them over the road because I told them I've got all these Russian punk records. They're like, No way might Yeah, may I've got some Russian stuff ran over and brought it and that event ends up inviting them over and then did an NPC thing in my kitchen for them. They're like oh, you have npc and I'm like Yeah, mate. Come on. And I started doing so like can we feel me doing it? I'm like yeah yeah, sorted them out and whatnot. And and that was that was the last that heard of it. You know, we just parted ways. And so during my absolute anxiety, blowout fees, like Dad, you've got to get the hell out of there. You've got to get the hell out of like, go and stay with sneak in Berlin have some time, you know, just just try and neutralise. The Russians had been in touch with you and they're like, we've made the film. We've made the film and it's got to be premiered in London, can you make it on this time, and the way that everything fell, unfortunately, this was the time when I was repairing in, in Berlin, you know, having rang my mate Stefan who lives in in London, he's one of the few people that I've actually stayed in contact with over these years and would tell them be honest, because he lives in London. So it's like, I could just bare my soul and times that are down, you know, I hope you're Ri and he knows the legs that had gone to with my exploration of self. And I said, Can you go and just tell these guys like that? I'm dope, and I'd love to work with them and all this stuff, you know, or, you know, whatever. Just, you know, tell them I'm good for it, you know, like this, you know? And he's like, okay, okay. And Stefan, like, he went and met these dudes. And then he left this left as much just like, Dan, you've got to see this documentary. Like, you've got to see this. It's like you are you come through. And these guys what I speak to you're like, about about something I like, ah, you know, I they sent me a link and I couldn't, I couldn't watch it. I couldn't click on it. I couldn't I couldn't bear it.

Couldn't find it in yourself to do it. Yeah, I couldn't find it. What what was, what was stopping you? Was it a fear?

previous experiences? Yeah, a fear shyness. A, I didn't want to see, I didn't want to see like, how I was going to be portrayed on there. Because I'm unhappy. I have this deep unhappiness and, you know, all this stuff. And I'm lost me. And, you know, like, even though I've got all these beautiful things around me, like my kid and my family and everything, it's other, it's deeper. I don't know, you know, but this anxiety and these, the, you know, and my loss of self esteem, but anyway, I clicked on it. And, uh, yeah, and it goes to this, but there I am, you know, talking and I'm watching myself and, like, I just break down, I just fucking you know, always with the emotion. You know, I'm a sensitive guy as cry cry with laughter like, I'm that guy, you know, tears everywhere, I can't help myself lay. And, again, like, I'm watching myself, and I'm like, shit, man, this is a beautiful thing. And then what how it turns out is like, they the the audience in Russia, and how they received me, I was like, popular, even though on this documentary with all these people, like really big heads and all these various things. There was something about me that connected, or there was some kind of connection so much so that these guys were basically like, we want you to come out to Moscow be part of the film crew for another documentary about underground Moscow music in Moscow. We want you to do the soundtrack. Yeah. And what just using sounds that you find in the city. That's, you know, do you want to do it?

That's a great brief in it.

It's a great brief, my so great, in fact that you know, and then fast forward, you know, I'm on antidepressants, and I'm lost, you know, but again, the call comes, you know, you got to do it. And a death I went and did it and fee. Bless her. Like she, you know, supported me in doing that.

Did it did it? Did it take a lot to commit to doing that then

at that time, what to just go to another country where I don't speak any other language and be part of a film crew. Oh, yeah. By that, by the way do all the soundtrack. Yeah, yeah. It's like, whilst you're in a big period of self repair, yeah. While I'm in a, you know, while I'm on depressants, and you know, I can't click in I'm having real trouble functioning. And it was just another another one of these like, Pivotal things like this snapshot in time, I went out for like, three weeks. With these guys, I'd only met once, you know, got a little bit like, irritated with, you know, an ad like a nice time. And I knew, I knew there was something about and when I was doing it, I was like, we're all going to be again, you know, saying to these dudes, you know, whatever. It's like, you know, like, yeah, you know, whatever, but it happened. Yeah, it happened. And anyway, so I went did this and I did I went I went dead. So going digging in Moscow going round with a, you know, it's on Instagram. People if you want to sit like my experiences, like you can sort of see a snapshot of it from that time on Instagram. If you go back through the history, you know, because I was trying to document it all like what you were saying about a DJ in today's climate or whatever. Okay, if I've got to do this certain stuff. If people want to see me they're gonna see every thing or nothing? Do you know what I mean? And that's that, like you say that open book mentality. I think that's, that's real. And that's the truth. And I'm not trying to polish anything or do you not? I mean, I'm not sure. Like, I'm just myself. Yeah.

Incredible. So what came next after Russia then? We you did it have? Did it have a big effect on like your self work? Did it? Did it go some way to read quote unquote repairing? Yeah. Alright, so

the brief that they gave me and what I actually did, you know, were two quite different things. My relationship and the times that I was going back and forth with sneek, and now started practising with with Rick with Robert Smith. And we're, like, you know, this whole regeneration, and I'm like, I'm like, I know that I can do this stuff, you know, but it is like this kind of repair process. And I made these tunes. And I said to myself, write, the soundtrack is me the stuff I make while I'm there. That's the soundtrack. Once I'm done, that's it, I've got to put it to bed, you know. And then they got to the point where they're, like, starting to, they want to finish the film. They're like, you know, can we have the stuff you've made? And I sent it to him and it only came to 20 minutes. You know, I like done. This is a two hour soundtrack, we have to have more. Like what the fuck you on about like, that's, you know, my time like that's it that equates to 20 minutes. That's my experience. That's how it that's out. You know, so my ass and I was a dick. Because that was like the sort of, like it was me kind of being immature. And, and not thinking about the bigger bigger picture anyway, had a few hours to actually think got back to apologise. I'm like, Give me three days, and then ended up handing them like 35 different pieces of music. All this stuff. It's all sat there. I haven't I haven't done anything with it yet. Because Moscow? Well, you know what happened in Russia? You know, like the so called COVID Everyone's losing their marbles. I'm recollecting mine. You know, I didn't I didn't have the same experiences as everyone else. I'm actually in this state of repair. Well, every chaos is ensuing everywhere else. So strangely, you know, it's so different. And I went in, I went dig in and I'm just like, in so I did. I'm in Russia, like by you know, like going dig in like despite all this shipmate that stuff, and like dudes just given me records like that stuff that you've never I have no idea what I'm looking at all this Soviet era stuff, like some dudes, like in big diggers and that around the world know all about that shit. But again, it's like me just being like, no, I got when I do, I can do summer. I just, it's like having trust having faith in the universe. You know what I mean? Like happy accidents, everything I do it you'll see, it's like, you know, like my spirit animals like a jellyfish. And that's exactly how it's like, I don't if I if I'm just cool. And I think positively. It happens. Yeah. So it's like coming to that getting back to that point where it's like, I'm myself again. It's like, you know, I can make shit happen if I work hard enough, you know, and it all that's all that had gotten lost was like the work flow, the work rate and the passion. And, you know, and all that. And yeah, and I don't know what to do with all that stuff. Because like, Russia went to war. So I felt really uncomfortable. went through this whole period, where all the directors and everything that lives, their lives are in chaos. Tragic, tragic, shipmate. Like, they were dreaming of that documentary taking them elsewhere in the world where they can go and do another documentary. And do you know, that's how we were talking? It's like, Dan, we want you to come and do another one. Where are we going to go next, like Japan? Or what was this? We were talking about Japan, or turkey or something? Like, like, these places are like, wow, you know, like, Yeah, I'm up for it. Let's go, you know, but they had this big deal on the table that every fan, I thought at one point like, this is my ticket. I'm going to be massive in Russia guys. Like, who knows, you know what? Okay, you know, I mean, but then what happened happened, and it just destroyed everything, you know, destroyed lives, destroyed, you know, the future, unfortunately. And again, it was just like another experience where I put everything in, but it just crumbled, unfortunately. Because life's not always, you know. Great.

So, after that would, were you were you able to kind of deal with that in more of a robust way than you would have done previously. Whereas you would have maybe gone. It's not meant to be I'm not good enough X Y, Zed. Were you able to be like, this isn't this isn't me, this is just out of my control. Let's crack on with another project.

Yeah. So it's kind of, like if I've got something to work to, like a concept or something, it's game over. Because it's almost like, that's the key for my kind of hyper focus. Like, I now know that I have this shit. I've always had it, but now I know what it is. It's like, such a strange thing, you know, but like, if I have the passion, mixed with the belief, I really can come up with the goods, you know, it's not my technical know how, because I don't have any, you know, I'm just like a kid in a, in a, in a sweet shop, with all the sounds and everything. Like, that's how it is, it's like happy accidents and fun. And you can make sure you know you can and, and I now realise that like all of that stuff, that chemistry kind of contributes to something which is slightly different than what other people do, because you're doing it in a different way. That's all it is. If someone has said that to me, like however back, you know, it might have, like, I just couldn't work that out for myself, you know, and it doesn't matter. I'm not bitter about it. Because I know that, like, all of that, and all that pain, and everything that I've gone through is now my energy. And it's now like the one thing that I channel into everything, because I've lived it, I've you know, and it's like, just coming back to this kind of Ground Zero. And that's, again, like that's where the passion for the sort of community. Because the and the inspiration, they're all just the, it's all within reach. Do you know what I mean? You just got to be willing to do it, you know, when the community stuff, it's not about go in and play into 6000 people and getting like 100 quid and like, you know, fucking 32 crates of like, in whatever. It's not that it's about them wanting me to be there. That's it, if they want me to be that, and I am there, and I'm not only there, I'm going to show up, and I'm going to do the gods it's like, and that, I guess that's, you know, that's like, that's my fuel to that. I mean, like some peanuts, and even the beatmakers in Manchester. They're like, Would you be you know, it's like, you're, you're, you know, you've been doing this thing forever, you know, you would you come and do it. I'm like, if you want me to, if you if you want me to come and do it, I would fucking love that. Like, there's this community event called working on it, which is for the beatmakers and it's like, I've been around the block, and you know, but I haven't put anything down. It's all still there, you know, and it's like, coming back, but just having this new lease, because I just want to be down with everything that's happening now. Do you not I mean that like, yeah, because I still feel like a kid that has that can contribute everything that it's you know, that's life as an artist, isn't it? I don't feel like it's been and gone. Nothing. It's all Yeah, it's all still there for the takin. And I just Yeah.

I mean, it sounds like you're in a really good place now. And you're, you're at peace with how things work. If that's the right way of putting it, you know? Yeah, so the other thing that would be good for us to talk about then is your diagnosis of ADHD. And that process really, so if you could tell me what that's been, like, that'd be really interesting to know.

So yeah. My partner fi saw, she started to read me like little testimonials and little things about people on Facebook. And various other sort of socials, like about just troubles that they were having, or like experiences in their life that make them feel like certain ways like this, like this, that whole thing about like self worth, and you know, feeling a bit like the odd one out of or like feeling like quite alone and like she was reading me this one this one time that this dude said, and it brought me to tears. Again, it was just like that expression because it just struck this raw nerve. And like that's, that's me. That's why that's so strange, you know? And then I think subsequently fi started to do more and more research. And then you know, she'd be like done. Like, I think your ADHD you know, I'm not hyper like it I am sometimes but it's not like a It's not like my how I am I prefer to be just like one not preferable I'm just more chilled but up here in my brain. It is hyper all the time and yeah, I'd already got this done. diagnosis of like anxiety, and then it turns out that they can be interlinked, you know, so, like, I just got to this point where I'm like everything I read in about, I want to know now I want to know, because like, my life's been pretty, say too much tumultuous or like pretty like, yeah, like rocking rock and roll the roller coaster, whatever, roller coaster and I got onto my data and I was like, Look, you know, I, I can I can you? Can you help, I want to, I want to find out whether I'm like, neurodiverse, you know, I already have these things going on. And he's like, Well, I'm gonna send you like a quick test that will, you know, that will sort of shine a light on what happens next. So they did. And then after that, like, literally, it wasn't that long, but I got this referral, you know, and what I say like, I'm sorry that some people who've been like on waiting lists for ages to find this information out, like, I'm sorry that you got to go through that because like, I now realise like that, it means a lot, you know. Because when it came to the point of me finding out, I got, I got put onto this website, and all these various things to fill in, where you are to give examples of your behaviour, but not just as an adult as a child. So this is only a couple of months ago. And what that did was like, just open like me saying to you, like I'm quite insular and wouldn't share this stuff I'm willing to, but just never had the platform. But like, so I start going through my old memories of what I'm like, and it keeps getting really upsetting. Because I'm like, Hey, ah, this wheel patterns, holy shit, I might actually there might be something going on. Like, I'm, I'm 47 Yeah, like, you know, I have gone through these years. Like, I've navigated please, like, you know, she's like, you've done so well, to get as far as you have, you know, like having these these challenges, or whatever. Like, yeah, you know, like, when I went through that period of, like, the anxiety and everything. And it was like, like, I say, like, I suppose like, just being privy to like, like, the fear, like the most extreme fear, because it's you, it's only you can conjure that type of fear, you know, like, how you have people who are like, I'm scared enough in me, or that type of perspective. It's like, Yes, you are, yes, something in, you know what I mean? Like, and, yeah, and it's all your own creation. I said to myself, I've got to tell people about this, because I don't want, I don't want other people to have to experience what I'm experiencing, particularly DJs. And, you know, like, people who it's like, it's supposed to be a laugh, but like, it's like, it's deeper, because I guess I'm an artist, I'm an eyes, it's just DJing was my first outlet. You know, but like, a creative or whatever you want to call it, but just like that thing about, like about exploration and, and your mental like adventure and wanting to find things and you know, do whatever it is, it's like, I realised that like the ADHD, and this anxiety, slash depression, they've always been there, they've always been inside me, you know, from birth, it's just that I've kind of got through life and these things have happened. And here I am now, but like, this shit is so, so important and so massive, that like, I think statistically, and everything that people see about, like, Oh, it's this is real. And if when if people don't talk about it, and don't share these experiences is like, I can't bear the thought of somebody else having to suffer like I did. Or like I have, you know, and it's not over. It's still here. It's just I've had to learn to integrate it into my life so that I have the signs it's all about awareness, and having the science and knowing like, Oh, I'm feeling this particular way it could be because of that. It's not it's just that's how you feel you know, you can let it go but it's like it is the awareness of of all these things. Were and there are a lot of them you know, the it's important to kind of monitor and be mindful but this is my approach now of of like of me wanting to be the best me when I level that playing field and started my my process of like, rebuilding myself. I don't know I feel it's like I feel like I'm in my lane. So if I'm not doing all the ultra bad stuff, and I have got my family around me and I have gotten I am getting the answer ration from all my friends and I am practising, I am focusing that with that comes this positivity, which is infectious. And I know that it's travelling around the world, because I'm getting messages and I'm doing things, I'm doing cuts, I'm doing close with hip hop tracks and do like all this, there's so much stuff that I'm doing. And it's all because I started thinking positively again, you know, and but it's, it's you have to keep, you have to, you have to kind of just keep that fire burning. And it's like, if you go to a community event, you can see that fire in plain sight for nothing. You know, I mean, it's not about paying like 20 quid to go and see this guy who sold their records, go and watch him stand there and do practically nothing, you go like down to somewhere like the hip hop chip shop, or whatever, and you can see something for nothing, which you would want to pay money for, you know, and like, get and get that inspiration. And that's it. And it's what I'm surrounded myself with, you know, and I think it's, it's, it's coming back out, you know what I mean? And it's this thing, and it's like, being part of this community that I always, I always wanted, I, you know, I'm exactly where I always wanted to be, it's mental mental.

That's brilliant to hear. And thank you for sharing that. Because I think anything with self work it, it's not about what's been in the past, it's about just, regardless of what it is, it is a hard thing to do go go through your past and really look at it with with this kind of adult adult lens with the parental lens. So it's, I respect it, whenever anyone's doing any sort of self work, and just, you know, looking at their situations and stuff. So Good on you for that. So just to kind of get up to date, then what, what's coming up for you then is it more finger thing? Yeah,

so everything, everything, everything, always, everything always comes back to figure thing it's like, but like it has to, it has to be done with the respect that it deserves. And it has to be like, we will never ever gonna go down that road where like, the music starts to get slightly wacko and then just disappear. That wasn't it, it was never that, you know, it's like if when all we need to do is document exactly where we're at now. Because it's a good, it's a good place. But however, the process of doing that, we know exactly what we want and how, how, how we want it to be. So all we've got to do is spend the time facilitating that. And that's an ongoing thing, like and the so pretty much my life now is just about like the beat community and the Scratch community. Because I believe that the two are pretty interlinked. You know, so did this community scratch north as part of the community scratch games, like oh, that crew did that with Nick and CK and bought one it have all my working on it crew common provide beats. So it isn't just scratching over lupus and all these things, which I think does happen a lot. And I get it because that's what you do. But it's like I'm, I have this like, it's like I've got my hands in these different community pies, and I just everything, the more we get together, the more we can build. And it's it's basically you rewrite in history to the way you want it to be. Because all these big companies and stuff that all the DJs do stuff for and that they're not putting on these events, do you not I mean that you've got the little competition or like these little things, it's like they could do that, you know, but instead, I found this crew of people that are doing it for themselves. And I love that they're doing it for the community. And it's like, yeah, that's that speaks to me in so many volumes that like I'm committed, you know, I'm down. And that stuff's popping up all over the place. Some of it. I don't know whether I can talk about because I don't know whether it's been made public yet. But there's so much stuff going on me and I'm saying yes to everything. That's my, that's my, you know, that's my kind of, that's my kind of standpoint, because I have that self. I guess I've got that self belief back. So along with that, I want to take everything with me and everything that's helped me to get back to this point. I want to respect it and just keep building building building going forward, you know, and that will come through in all different types of music I'm doing. I was in Senegal, yeah. In January, I went and did this thing for the British Council, like this workshop like, DJ workshop, like over five days teaching these kids. I didn't even have a translator. Translate I got there and I will speak Wolof which is like like a mixture of French and Arabic, Scott there and it's like I'm thinking about like Tricolore French, you know, like come on top, I'll assume appel down, you know, scratch stage, whatever the they're just like you don't you don't speak French you know I nearly had an anxiety attack, you know Are these like over 20 Kids in the studio all coming in just going bonkers or so excited you know I got to do this, do a little thing and I can't speak to anyone because no one understands. But like, again, it's just like jumping right in a deep endless on Fernan. But the upshot of what came out of that I met this, this MC, the girl that I was there, it was like doing Ableton workshops. Mel, we've now started working with doing tunes with this with with Moe, he rhymes in wildlife. So I've been doing like make it an electro, this guy's skill level knee and you've never heard anything like it like who's you know, made? Yeah. And so all these little things I'm going off in these experiences. And now instead of like, I thought, oh, instead of shutting myself away, I'm actually grabbing everything as hard as I can. Because this is my time. You know, this is what I've been waiting for my whole life. It's just I thought it was all coming on a plate and it doesn't, you know, but I've paid my dues. And I am working hard now. So it's kind of like I'm sounding better than I ever have in my closets and everything, all the Beat everything that I'm making. It's like, I'm excited. You know? That's

awesome. Right? We've probably done about 65 hours of audio. Sorry. Yeah, sorry. No, it's been amazing. I've really enjoyed this conversation. And once again, I really appreciate how open you've been the sort of questions asked at the end, generally, you've kind of covered around art and passion and things like that. So if we bring it to an end, then just the one last thing I'd just like to ask you is where's best for people to get in touch with you and find you on the internet?

Instagram. Instagram is like so because so mobile phones are basically if you've got like ADHD or something like that, it's your worst enemy. And it's like it's, it's, it's tough anyway, for everybody and like because they take up so much of your time and that part like that's the one thing where I go on and I try to engage and keep up with friends and see what everyone else is doing and be part of that that thing so yeah, like damn, Peter Parker Baxter. That's me on Insta and then finger thing you know, you can check on Spotify in you know, everywhere else.

Amazing. Well, thanks very much for chatting and sharing your story and I'll speak to you soon. Cheers. Thanks for listening to the one to DJ podcast. If you've got any questions or feedback or any suggestions for guests, please just get in touch with us at onceaDJpodcast@gmail.com or on Instagram at once a DJ podcast. Take care. We'll speak to you soon. That was nice.