The word disability has been an overused term in our culture and has created a negative stereotype associated with the inability to overcome certain impairments. In this episode, Tracy Tienken discusses the importance of reframing the conversation by using the term, "differently enabled", which provides greater opportunities for bringing those of various backgrounds into the workforce and active contributors to society. Listen to the episode for a special gift that she is offering for ONLY 48 hours after the episode launch!

Guest Bio

Tracy is an entertaining and inspiring speaker whose focus is on (DEI) Bias specializing within the differently enabled community. This population is a richly diverse community that is often forgotten. She feels a strong calling to change that. She is currently available for speaking engagements and you can find her at TransformativeTalks@gmail.com or toastmastertracy@gmail.com.

• https://www.ada.gov/ - This website, provided the US Department of Justice's Civil Rights Division, contains a wealth of information pertaining to what it provides protection for differently enabled individuals, along with submitting a disability violation directly.
• You can purchase a copy of Judy Heumann's book, "Being Heumann", at the link above or other places where you purchase your books. (https://www.amazon.com/Being-Heumann-Unrepentant-Disability-Activist/dp/0807002801/ref=sr_1_1?crid=DWQDMN4BSOOP&keywords=judy+heumann+being+heumann&qid=1685283322&sprefix=judy+heuman%2Caps%2C105&sr=8-1)
• https://www.toastmasters.org/ - Learn more about how Toastmasters can improve your communication and leadership skills by visiting a local club (whether in-person, hybrid, or online!) by clicking on the "Find A Club" button on the provided link. Learn more about how it can improve your self confidence.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

determination, all converge into an amazing, heartfelt experience.

This is Speaking From The Heart.

Welcome back to episode number 10 of Speaking From the Heart.

Today we have Tracy Tienken, who is a entertaining and inspiring speaker

who's focusing on diversity, equity, and inclusion, or DEI, bias, which is

really getting to the heart of changing the mindset of not having the word

disability be in our discourse, but using differently enabled which allows

us to have a more open conversation about the ways in which we can all

interact with each other and how we can embrace our differences as well.

This is a population, according to her, that is richly diverse and usually is

forgotten and I tend to agree with that, especially with the things that I normally

see in some of my encounters with clients when we are discussing the importance

of not only the people that we interact with, but the relationships that we build.

She feels that her calling is to change that, and she is currently available for

speaking engagements, which we'll talk about a little bit with our interview

today, and you'll also be able to hear a great story about how she's taken

her own differently enabled journey from one place to another as a result

of her realizing that there are people in this world that can embrace those

differences, and that is why she is so determined to make a difference.

But with that, let's go to the episode.

All right.

We're here with Tracy Tienken.

Tracy, welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me.

Absolutely.

I've known you for a few years now off and on, and we've crossed our paths with

Toastmasters, which has been a consistent theme with some of my guests recently, but

it's always a privilege to hear differing viewpoints and having different guests

on my show that share a unique story.

My very first question to you is tell us a little bit about your own

experiences, because my understanding is that you're differently enabled and

that's a term that's not usually used, and maybe people aren't familiar with

that, so do you mind sharing a little bit about that with our audience?

Not at all.

I was born with Spina Bifida, which is a birth defect, and it's a very common one.

I use a wheelchair now, but I didn't always, I actually started out walking

on crutches and braces and did that for 50 plus years and the last couple

years I've had to use a wheelchair because I developed stenosis.

I call myself differently enabled rather than disabled because of the

negative connotation that disabled has.

It means literally not able, whereas differently enabled,

recognizes the fact that I'm different, that I have a disability.

That the disability doesn't have me, that I am able to do

things just in a different way.

I had a guest on an earlier episode in which she was going

through a series of obstacles after having brain trauma.

Essentially, she had to get surgery done on her brain so that she could react to

different stimuli and different ways of doing things, and she was talking a lot

about how she had to retrain herself.

Was there things that you had to do with spina difida that you had to retrain

yourself to do, and if so, what are some of those things that you encountered

along the way and how did you handle them?

Well, I've had many different things that I had to retrain myself on.

I have had different surgeries; some were successful, some were actually

not successful and took away some of the function I had been born with.

I had to learn to re-walk stairs, for instance.

I used to walk stairs basically the same ways everyone else did, except for that

I had a crutch in my hand for support.

I would pick up my leg the same way, but after a bad surgery, I had to pick up my

leg and go around the stair and up it, and I always had to lead with my right

and then follow with my left, and that was because surgery didn't go well and

something they thought they could fix they actually cut a nerve and paralyze me more.

I also had to learn when I got stenosis to deal with being in a wheelchair and

a lot of times that has been frustrating because not all buildings and not all

transportation is built for a wheelchair.

For instance, finding a car is not a simple thing.

Finding a car means not only finding a car that can be adapted, it also means

finding a car where your wheelchair fits in the trunk, so there are different

obstacles you have to come over.

Yeah.

Yeah, and definitely it sounds to me that everybody has a different approach

and different tools that they utilize when it comes to being differently enabled,

as you have coined as that term, and I have to say that for some people it

is a struggle, so when you were going through this, were there struggles that

you had, and if so, what are some of the things that, if anybody listening

to this is going through something similar to what your situation was,

what would you say to them that would help them empower them to overcome that?

You're responsible for you.

You're not responsible for other people or other people's thoughts, and remember

this, you're still a human being; give yourself time and dignity to get better.

It sometimes takes a little while to shift your thoughts.

It's not an overnight process.

You didn't become disabled necessarily all at once, or maybe you did, but

either way, getting over it takes time.

Healing is not a one day process.

It's something you learned day by day.

When you were going through that healing process yourself and you're

doing the day-to-day, can you walk us through what that was and maybe some of

the steps that you did to overtake that?

Day one, after I found out I was not going to walk anymore,

I went to bed that night early.

I crawled under the bed.

I prayed, I cried, I screamed, I prayed some more and I cried some more.

I had a pity party and it was a nice big pity party.

Really sorry for myself, but I learned it was okay to give myself that day.

It was okay to give myself that night to be angry at the situation, and then

when my alarm clock went off the next day, I got up and I got in my wheelchair

and I joined a Toastmasters meeting.

Funny enough, that's what I did.

I joined one I had never joined before.

I went and looked for one and joined one.

Why?

Because they didn't know me and they could only see me from here up.

They didn't know that I was sitting down in a non chair, but a wheelchair.

I felt normal for a while, and even though that sounds deceptive, it helped my brain

adjust to the fact that not everyone knows, not everyone sees you as this

person in this wheelchair because other people's perceptions hear what damage you.

You put those perceptions in your mind and you say, people are going to think

less of me because i'm in a wheelchair.

Maybe they aren't.

Maybe you're just seeing that because that's how it happened in

the past, but your past is not your future and when I realized that

and that you needed to live in the present, day by day, I got stronger.

I found people that were my tribe that said, "No, we don't see you

as less because you're disabled.

We actually see you more because you're differently enabled.

You've overcome.

You are inspiring others to move on.

You're inspiring others to learn to do something, to have a skill, to

teach something, to enable the next generation to be better than they were."

It's very interesting that you share the fact that it's about our

perception and how we overcome that.

Literally, right before we hit the record button on this, I had a client that came

in that I met with that I've been seeing for months now, and we were literally

just talking about the perception of why it takes so long, maybe to do a

certain task or why things can become so indecisive in our lives, and not to

get into particulars about my client, but it's something that I know for all

of us, it's a struggle to just take that first step and it sounds like you have

taken that first step and so many more steps in that bigger spectrum, and I'm

really happy to hear that because what I had found out just recently about you

is that you have some connection with the Americans with Disabilities Act

that was signed almost 30 years ago or so, and I was wondering if you could

tell a little bit about your connection with that, and I'm specifically talking

about Judy, who, I'll let you introduce Judy to our audience because I know that

she has a special place in your heart.

For those of you who don't know about the Americans with Disability Act,

It was signed in the early nineties.

It was signed by President George Herbert Walker Bush, and Judy Heumann

was instrumental in getting it passed.

I happened to work for the Department of Education at that time period,

that vital time period, and she was an actress extraordinaire.

She was a woman in a wheelchair.

She had polio when she was 18, and she did more in one day then I saw

most human beings walking, not walking disabled, not disabled, in a week.

That woman was a one woman sideshow.

You would laugh if you just tried to describe her agenda for the day.

You would see this list, and she had her agenda, and it was marked not in

30 minute segments, it was marked in 15 minute segments, and the first time I

read her schedule, I looked at it, I said, "She has the bathroom breaks pinned in.

She's so brilliant.

Why didn't I think of that when I started working?"

Oh my goodness.

Schedule things so people know that you're not just goofing up because it's

funny, if you are two minutes late to something and you are disabled, you will

be known as the person who's always late.

If you are two minutes to something and you are not differently enabled, and

just what people call normal, they'll excuse it every time, so schedule

everything, even your bathroom breaks.

That's something Judy Heumann taught me.

She got me to advocate for myself.

She actually did a 24 day sit-in.

Why?

Because they needed to put ramps in her college and she could not access certain

classes because there were no more ramps.

Wow.

Guess what?

She got the ramps.

Wow.

Sometimes it takes great action of not necessarily activism, because I

wouldn't call it this, I would call it more of significant systemic awareness

of a whole class of population that is just as capable of doing actions

just like anybody else, and correct me if I'm wrong, tracy, but I mean the

ADA, the Americans With Disabilities Act, was really geared towards doing

that, and Judy was really advocating for those, not just for her college,

but really for all Americans, right?

Yes.

The ADA was an extension of the Rehabilitation Act of 1974.

In 1974, the Rehabilitation Act went to federal buildings; anything that was given

grant money or any kind of support by the government had to comply with allowing

people with disabilities, but anything in the private sector was totally un-

legislated; you could discriminate as long as you were private and not getting

any government funding, that was fine.

The Disabilities Act said uh-huh; what she got is not only in government,

but everywhere in the us you are supposed to not discriminate.

Here it.

That was her platform and that was her message and she would take it high and

low to anyone who would listen, and if you wouldn't listen, she'd knock on

your door again until you would listen.

She was very persistent.

In fact, the term influencer, I swear.

Someone looked at Judy Heumann and claimed that term.

She probably did.

They probably did claim it.

I have to ask you this because especially now that it's been 30 years since the

passing of that under George H W Bush.

What would you say needs to be done yet when it comes to that sort of realm?

Do you think that there's still work to be done, and if so, can you give us

an example or two of some of the things that might need to be accomplished yet?

For the most part, a lot of the groundwork has been done.

However, implementation is where we have a problem.

It's not enough to have a law if the law is not enforced, and

what they found in 1974 was the law was not being enforced in 74.

It wasn't enforced until people started bringing lawsuits.

I mean Judy Human brought one of the first lawsuits against the

Rehabilitation Act, and the reason she started toward the ADA push was people

were not allowing her to have jobs.

They were like, "No, you can't do this."

She went and got a teaching credential.

She went and did everything an able bodied person did: she went through the

schooling; she got her master's even.

She was hired and the principal of the school locked the door and said, "No,

you can't come in here and teach."

Wow.

You didn't give her a reason just she couldn't come in and teach.

Now, she had her master's already, and her teaching credential, so it's

implementation that we have to be careful of, and until people are

willing to stand up for themselves or find people who will help them stand

up for themselves and sue, sometimes people are just not going to change.

They're going to take the chance of the lawsuit, because most times,

unfortunately, people don't sue.

That seems to be a big cultural point in the United States, and I know

my podcast is going to an international audience, but for those listening outside

of the United States, I know that this is something that we probably have a bad

reputation for, is that in order to have some sort of action, we are definitely a

litigious society when it comes to that, but, I'm curious as to what your thoughts

are about Judy's mission that she set forth and what she was able to accomplish.

I know that she's no longer with us but at the same time, I know that she was a

great advocate for many of the projects that are still taking place to this day,

even though that she's not here, but Tracy, what would you say was Judy's

lasting influence on not just you, but maybe other people that are bound to a

wheelchair just like you are, or maybe are still struggling with, or coping with,

their disability that requires some sort of physical supplement, whether that's

crutches or maybe having some sort of prosthesis or things of that nature that

would help them to get through life.

What would you say has been one of those lasting legacies because of Judy's work?

One of the lasting legacies has honestly been a book called

Being Human and reading that book was essential to understanding her.

Most people didn't know who she was, and then she wrote a book three and a

half, four years before she died, and all of a sudden, even those who weren't

disabled knew the name Judy Heumann and in it, she taught things like: going to

summer camp, being a girl scout, some of the things that she'd done that everyday

people do, and how much they mentor, and it's learning that you can do those

little things too that helps you adjust being disabled or differently enabled

and helps you move forward because when you're stuck, you don't see any

possibilities, but sometimes you see more possibilities if you read people's work.

Like for me, I was Girl Scout myself when I read what Judy was, I was

like, "What, we had that in common?"

I did political activism.

She did political activism.

There are things you can do if you can't get that job, volunteer.

If you can't have that voice, find out why.

Speak to someone and say, "I'm just not being heard.

What am I doing wrong?"

Find a mentor that speaks to you because when you find your mentor,

they'll help you find your voice.

I ask a lot of questions in order to get a lot of answers

so I can advocate for others.

That is so important for even my business too, and I tell all

kinds of people all the time about the importance of having somebody

that creates that accountability.

A mentor can do that just as well as a coach, which there is a big

distinction between a mentor and a coach-

mm-hmm.

When it comes to their responsibilities and how far along that

they can help you and you mentioned about the Girl Scouts and I think of

the Girl Scouts as a great organization to help mentor not only all groups of

people that are entering, because I know the Girl Scouts have accepted even

boys now in recent years, what would you say has been a profound influence

in your life when it comes to the Girl Scouts and how you serve and how you

help others especially, because I know you're a great mentor for some people

too that might be going through this.

Would it be all right to say that you're an advocate?

Yes, I'm an advocate.

It's definitely okay to say.

The Girl Scouts has helped me in a lot of ways.

The Girl Scouts builds self-esteem, it builds the building blocks to

make a very sound human being.

It's probably the thing that saved me from being just another disabled

person that felt sorry for themselves.

I learned to work as part of team.

I learned to lead a team.

I learned to make a schedule.

It sounds silly, but if you think about Girl Scouts, if you don't

know anything, here's an example.

Go camping for a weekend and canoeing.

Well, we had to make our own meals.

We had to pitch the tent, we had to start the fire, we had to clean the latrine.

All of those things are small jobs.

One of the jobs was to make the schedule and make a fair rotating schedule so

everyone got to do each of these duties a little bit and learn a different skill.

As a leader, you have to sometimes assign people that aren't your

friends things you don't like, and you have to do it fairly and equitably.

It gave me a sense of socialization and what socialization as a team could be

and how people need to work together, and for that, I will be eternally

grateful to the Girl Scouts because that translates to your business life all day.

There's always a connection between the personal and the professional

when it comes to that, and you touched on something that is truly important to me,

which is the next generation when it comes to learning those sort of life skills.

I mean, when you look at, and now we're going to combine two subjects here because

we talked a lot about disability and your story and we talked now about life

skills with the Girl Scouts and what they have been able to train so many hundreds

of thousands, maybe millions, of young girls, young men into what they're doing.

What can you say to someone in this day and age is possibly the most

important thing that we could respect?

Meaning, when you look at all these things that were being told by various sources

to be more important than anything else.

When you look at the disability culture- I shouldn't say disability, I should say

differently enabled, I just corrected myself- the differently enabled as opposed

to the overall groups of people that are trying to find the way to get to

the next point, what would you say out of that whole entire universe, what's

the most important that we should focus on and why is that the most important?

Respect.

Aretha Franklin had it right.

Respect.

One of the things you did is you just corrected yourself and

you used my terminology, and you shouldn't use just my terminology.

When you made a disabled person or differently enabled person, you

should ask them right away, if we're ever talking about what put you in a

wheelchair, who should I refer to you?

They will tell you their terminology.

Use their terminology when dealing with them.

If they like disability, that's fine.

If they like wheelchair user, fine.

If they like differently abled, fine.

If they like differently and abled, fine; but give them the respect of

asking them, because then they feel like they're on an equal footing to you.

They can then say, "Well, and what should I call you?

Sir?

Ma'am?

Something in between a gender neutral term or just your name?

It opens up conversations and dialogues.

It's a matter of respect too when I think about it because a lot

of people want to have that, and I had a guest previously that talked about

the concept of active listening, and ironically enough, another Toastmaster

that mentioned active listening especially when we are discussing all

those things relating to the overall importance of understanding each other,

which I think sometimes is a forgotten art, especially when I talk to other

people about what they're going through.

Tracy, I want to just let our audience know too, that all these things that we've

been talking about, the ADA, Toastmasters, Judy's book about Being Human, I'm going

to put all those things into the episode notes, so for my listeners, if you want

to learn more about any of these sort of things, I'll have that available for

your perusal, but I want to shift gears here and talk about something that you're

working on, and I understand that you are starting a business and I was wondering

if you could walk us through what you're starting, why you began that journey

in the first place of this business, and what is it that you are looking to

ultimately achieve out of doing this?

Sure.

I'm starting a business and it's called Transformative Training, but

it has an offshoot, and the offshoot is Transformative Talks, and that

part is my own podcast that I am in the very essence of building myself,

and Transformative Talks are people that are one-on-one talking about

different issues that are related to disability and affect our life directly.

Dealing with doctors, dealing with teachers, dealing with scheduling,

dealing with cognitive issues, dealing with different forms of communication,

dealing with your IEP program; these kind of things all need to be

addressed, and I do an intake and then I interview the person after the

intake and we come up with a game plan.

How am I going to help you achieve your goals?

A self-directed life is a much happier life and most people with

some extra planning and help and achieve that, even if they are

differently enabled, to be human.

Prove that point.

Yeah.

I love what you just said.

I'm sorry, I have to ask you more about this.

You said self-directed life is a happier life, if I recall.

Yes.

What would you say to somebody that says, "Ah, that's crazy.

That's just rubbish.", because I think a lot of people want to just dismiss it

as, "That's just too much work for me.

That's too much I want to do.", I'm even talking about people that are

not disabled, because some of them are afraid of dealing with that challenge.

What would you say to somebody that comes to you, asking for you of that

service, and you tell them this plan and they say, "that's rubbish."?

What would you say to them about being able to have a happier

life through self-direction?

I would say you're going to spend 15 years kicking yourself later

when you leave me and you come back and you realize, "damn, she was right",

because it is part of happiness.

Happiness is not just an emotion: it's a choice; it's a

physical choice your brain makes.

Be happy, don't be happy, and in order to trigger happiness, you

need to trigger action sometimes.

Action speak louder than words to your brain.

If you're doing things you can focus on the doing.

The doing part of your brain is what makes you happy, and doing a self-directed

action has been shown time and again in studies that you're happier if you're

doing things you'd like to do because you feel more productive and more successful.

Successful people are happier on average because they feel successful.

It doesn't matter to the level of success.

There are people who are ticket takers, but they're earning the

dollars they get rather than being on disability, and they're happier for it.

There are people who were cashiers.

Whatever your passion is, we can create a plan and most times we can achieve it.

It just takes some creative thinking.

I think that it's all about looking at it, like you said earlier,

from a different perspective-

mm-hmm.

And being able to share that with others that might be stuck in that trench

where they can't get their car, which is themselves, out of it because of a variety

of different situations, and I really love the fact that you are willing to dig

deep with someone and wanting to help them regardless of what that is, whether it's

through an IEP, or some other document, that lays out what the intake is that

you're doing and showing them the steps that we're helping them, especially with

the vast experience that you've had and what you have proven time and time again.

Now, I have to ask, are you going to be essentially speaking

about this sort of subject too?

Are you available for speaking, and if so, how can people reach out to you?

Definitely.

They can email me at toastmastertracy@gmail.com or at

transformativetalks.com and either one will allow them to get in touch with me

and set up an appointment for an intake.

I'll put that also in the episode notes for anybody that wants

to reach out to Tracy, especially with all the things that she specializes in.

We're getting closer to the end of our time and this is the first time I

have to tell you that it, since I just started this young podcast, that I

have this little bit of anticipation, but I understand that you have a

gift already for me and the audience?

Can you, can you say-

Yes, I do.

I'm kind of afraid because I don't know if- I don't have a package, folks,

because I know this is an audio podcast.

I don't have a package or anything tracy sent me.

She just, sprung this on me not that long ago as like, "Oh, I have this to share."

I was like, "Okay, we'll see where this goes."

But Tracy, why don't you tell us what our gift is?

If you email me and say that you're emailing me because of this show, I have

a 15 minute podcast segment with your name on it, and because you hosted this,

Josh, I have a 30 minute segment for you.

Oh, wow.

That's the best gift.

I can't wait for 30 minutes with you, Tracy, and for my listeners,

I would take advantage of Tracy's gift here because it's something

that we could all leverage in being able to talk about our experiences.

Now, I know that your podcast is going to have a little bit

of a different focus than mine.

Do you want to explain that a little bit for our audience so that they

kind of have an idea of what they're getting themselves into with this gift?

Sure.

My podcast is on the differently enabled.

You don't have to be indifferently enabled to join the podcast and the conversation.

You just have to have an interest in helping the differently enabled and

recognizing your part in helping, and that helping doesn't always

mean just doing something for them.

It means listening to who they are and what they need and helping

them by not enabling 'them, because enabling people disables 'them.

You have to help them by doing what is right for them, and sometimes that's

doing nothing, which for those that love a disabled person, that's challenging.

Yes, it is, and, I think this is an opportunity for our listeners to

really be part of something that can take even them to the next step, because I

know that a lot of people tend to think that, "I don't know if I can do this.

I don't know if I can really be a part of a show or be part of this.

I feel like I need to do all these things in preparation."

I came up with 15 minutes because of a very famous guy named Andy Warhol;

everyone has their 15 minutes of fame.

I'm offering you your 15 minutes.

I'm offering you a double share.

Yeah, you are, and that gets me nervous a little bit too, I have to say,

but I think that in a good way it's making me nervous, because I feel that we all

know that we have this inherent story that we want to share, and sometimes we

just don't know where to exactly start, but Tracy, that's what I exactly want

to end with, is that I think a lot of people tend to think that being disabled

or being differently enabled, as you have corrected me tonight on, is being

able to share the importance of not just where we can go with where tools we're

given, but also being able to share those experiences with others, and I think you

were on a awesome track in doing that.

Now the podcast hasn't launched yet, correct?

No, it launches July 4th.

Okay, great, but for my guests, I, for your guests that will be coming

through this, I hope that you take advantage of what Tracy has to offer.

Tracy, it's been an awesome experience interviewing you today on Speaking from

the Heart, and I feel touched in my heart knowing that you have made so much

progress with so many people and you continue to give that transformational

gift to every single person wherever you go, so thank you for your time today,

and I enjoy this interview so much.

I enjoyed my time too.

Thank you.

There's a lot of discussion in today's world about the importance

of diversity, equity, and inclusion, and there are a lot of ways that we

could discuss that topic in itself and how that interplays, but I want

to talk about it as it relates to what Tracy and I just discussed during this

interview, which for many of us, we don't know sometimes what somebody's

going through, especially when we are just looking at the surface and usually

that involves the physical aspects.

What you might not see in some of the conversation that we have today is

that Tracy is wheelchair bound, and that is something that for many

people, that is something that we instantly make a judgment of, "I

don't know if I could really trust and believe in that person's abilities,"

and that is an often misunderstood.

In a previous life that I had, I actually worked with blind entrepreneurs.

These were people that were empowering themselves to make a choice in running a

business despite being blind and having staff that were capable of being able

to run and manage various aspects of it.

That includes all the financing, all the different things that might

need to be bought for product.

Those are the things that might include having to be able to

hire, fire, discipline employees.

There are so many different opportunities for all differently enabled people, and

you might have caught that even during this interview, I even used the word

disability and Tracy congratulated me for stepping back and taking a look at

the bigger picture because of the fact that sometimes we might give ourselves

a little bit of a hard time when we are not using the correct terminology,

or using the correct things that we do in order to help each other feel

more accountable and more accepted.

I think it's so easy to fall into the trap of, if you can treat me this way, then I'm

going to be okay, or I need you to do this for me so that I can feel widely accepted.

It all starts at the heart with a conversation with the possibilities

of what that other person is going through, and it's not necessarily about

treating someone fairly or equitably, which I'm not dismissing at all.

What it does mean though is that we're able to open our minds and

have a conversation with someone else to see what their thoughts are.

For hundreds of years, humanity and civilizations depended on this in

order to rise and you often read in history about how some of those things

became the biggest downfalls because those conversations stop happening.

Now, for many of us, you might be doing that and you might be doing that because

of the need to communicate effectively, to lead effectively, and things such

as the Americans with Disabilities Act that was passed over 30 years ago

really revolutionized the concept of putting an equal footing to all the

things that we could possibly do, and that's why I loved when I pressed her

about being self-directed, she said, "self-directed life is a happier life."

She really embellished on that point to tell us, this is how you can create

some of that same happiness for someone else that might be going through some

of these things that are very tough.

Happiness is a choice, and if we say the right words that trigger that

happiness, happiness does occur.

We don't know all the answers though, and I always tell my clients that,

especially going through some of the things that are happening in their own

lives, especially with the things that I've been through personally, I tell them

that it's all about taking a big step back and looking at the bigger picture.

Is this something that you want to tolerate if they're not willing to change,

or at least listen to you and accept that.

A previous guest in another episode talked about the need for active listening,

which I also brought up in this interview because it was something that we often

forget is so important and here we are the second time hearing this from another

guest saying this as being very important because if we were able to do that, the

possibilities that we have with other people, with their work and our work,

whatever work that we're trying to do, we can create possibilities that are endless

and it all starts with a conversation.

That conversation dictates how we move forward with it.

I am without faults.

Even as a podcast host, I sometimes struggle and fall on my own sword when I

talk about this subject; it's something that I continue to grow and mature and

evolve in as I go through and realize all the mistakes that I've made in many

years of my life, and it's not easy to accept that, especially when you see that

there's a lot of damage that has happened.

Some of my very listeners are those same people that I might have insulted

or I might have ridiculed, or I might have said something very disgusting

and should have never been said.

Well, for those that are out there today, I want you to know that

we're all differently enabled.

We all fall back sometimes because we have to overcome some of the

things that are in our lives.

Here's my public apology to you.

I'm sorry for being differently enabled, but I know that I'm continuing to work

on the best version of myself as well as everyone else, and as long as we

can have that conversation and, and as long as we can continue to take

actions that allow us to move in that right direction, nothing is impossible.

We can continue to make opportunities come alive, whether they are struggles for

ourselves, or even others for that matter.

It's all about taking this big step back and learning that sometimes

it's okay to do something wrong.

It's about the actions that we do after that that set the course.

If you're struggling with that, we've seen that bigger picture,

don't hesitate to reach out.

Don't hesitate to figure out what you could do that would fundamentally

change everything in your life if you're willing to accept that maybe that

wasn't what you were supposed to do.

maybe you should have handled it bit differently, but you can't

quite see that, and that's okay.

What matters is that you're willing to be open to the change that you

want to be, and it's okay sometimes to give yourself a pity party.

Sometimes we have to grieve before we're able to rise and realize we

are only human, and being differently enabled as a human can be vastly

important and create the opportunities that we want to see in our own lives.

Thanks for listening to episode number 10 of Speaking from the

Heart, and I look forward to hearing from your heart very soon.

Thanks for listening.

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