Morning 6-Pack - Cambridge's Wild New Drinking Rules! So, picture this: Cambridge, Massachusetts is thinking about a new rule that says you gotta wait 30 minutes between drinks. Like, really? Who's got the time for that? I mean, what’s next, a timer for your nachos? 😂 We dive into the hilarity of this proposal, along with a couple of other wacky suggestions like banning shots and bottles of wine before closing time. Because nothing screams “fun night out” like being told when you can sip your Chardonnay! 🍷 So grab your coffee and let’s laugh about how the government is trying to make our happy hour feel like a DMV visit. Stick around for our top six new bar rules that we can totally get behind—it’s gonna be a wild ride!
Takeaways:
Imagine waiting 30 minutes between drinks – sounds like a recipe for a bar brawl!
Cambridge's new drink rules are like trying to enforce a time limit on fun. No thanks!
We discussed the wild idea of banning shots before closing time – who even thought of this?
Karaoke nights should be fun, but if you sing 'Don't Stop Believing', you're outta here!
The bartender's got a new rule: snap your fingers, get humped by a dog! Wait, what?
If you call a female bartender 'sweetie', you're getting sent back to the 50s!
Transcripts
Speaker A:
Good morning.
Speaker A:
It's Haystack, and we're going to go to Cambridge, Massachusetts, where there has been a proposal for a pretty unique alcoholic beverage rule.
Speaker A:
Here are a couple of residents and visitors.
Speaker B:
I don't usually drink more than one drink per 30 minutes, but I really don't like when people tell me what to do.
Speaker B:
So I'm not a huge fan of that rule.
Speaker B:
I think it sounds like a strange rule.
Speaker B:
Back in Ober, you have, if people get too much, that's when you have to stop.
Speaker C:
Just come out of nowhere.
Speaker C:
And honestly, I haven't read the bill, but I know the basis of it, and it sounds a bit crazy, and I don't know how you could implement it.
Speaker C:
How could you please every person in the bar?
Speaker C:
It's just impossible.
Speaker A:
So, of course, if you didn't catch there the rule they're talking about, every customer would have to wait 30 minutes in between drinks.
Speaker A:
Not.
Speaker A:
Not because they're drunk or they're causing trouble.
Speaker A:
Just because the clock says not yet.
Speaker A:
Thirsty.
Speaker A:
Can you imagine trying to enforce that?
Speaker A:
Excuse me, sir.
Speaker A:
You ordered that IPA at 7:12.
Speaker A:
Your next beer becomes legally available at 7:42.
Speaker A:
What are they going to get?
Speaker A:
Egg timers for every table.
Speaker A:
Nothing says relaxing night out like your waiter resetting the same thing.
Speaker A:
You used to cook a boiled egg at home.
Speaker A:
And that's not the only proposal.
Speaker A:
They would also ban shots and bottles of wine during the final hour before closing.
Speaker A:
So if you.
Speaker A:
If your group sets down at 9 at a restaurant that closes at 10.
Speaker A:
Sorry, no bottle of wine for the table.
Speaker A:
You can order dinner, but you have to pair it with resentment.
Speaker A:
Not a bottle of wine.
Speaker A:
Now, to be fair, these are only draft proposals.
Speaker A:
Sorry, nothing has been approved yet.
Speaker A:
City officials say they're gathering feedback.
Speaker A:
And they are getting feedback.
Speaker A:
Of course, nothing brings a community together like the government threatening to make happy hour feel like the dmv.
Speaker A:
What's a little bit odd, though, is just.
Speaker A:
Just a couple of weeks ago, Cambridge, Massachusetts made headlines for loosening alcohol rules for the World cup, allowing extended bar hours, designated public drinking areas.
Speaker A:
So the message is clear.
Speaker A:
Come, enjoy the World Cup.
Speaker A:
Drink outside, stay out late.
Speaker A:
But if you live here, we're gonna time your chardonnay.
Speaker A:
That's an amazing amount of faith to put into timing, especially during a soccer event.
Speaker A:
Soccer doesn't even know what time it is.
Speaker A:
The scoreboard says 90 minutes.
Speaker A:
The ref adds 5, 6, 7.
Speaker A:
Yeah, whatever.
Speaker A:
It's so wild.
Speaker A:
Yeah, sure.
Speaker A:
Regulate the second IPA with an atomic clock precision.
Speaker A:
Can you imagine getting cut off by a kitchen timer.
Speaker A:
Cambridge, Massachusetts, where the alcohol policy is just like soccer.
Speaker A:
Lots of rules, constant arguing, and nobody's really sure what time it is.
Speaker A:
Although, to be fair, if we could legislate all of our favorite watering holes, I'm sure everyone would agree with my list of the top six new rules for bars we could all support.
Speaker D:
Well, gather round folks.
Speaker D:
It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.
Speaker D:
Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.
Speaker D:
Here comes the fun.
Speaker D:
It's the morning six pack.
Speaker A:
Here we go, the top six new rules for bars we could all get behind.
Speaker A:
Number six, anyone who sings Don't Stop Believing on karaoke night immediately gets kicked out.
Speaker A:
Number five, bartenders get to use the garnish knife on your hand if you reach over the bar for a lemon wedge.
Speaker A:
Number four, if you snap your fingers at the bartender, the bartender gets to hump your leg.
Speaker A:
Because if you're going to treat them like a dog, they might as well act like one.
Speaker A:
3.
Speaker A:
to a DeLorean and returned to:
Speaker A:
Two dudes caught sneaking girly drinks into a manly glass immediately lose their man card.
Speaker A:
And the one new rule for bars that I think we could all probably support switching the TV from football to, well, anything other than football is punishable by death.
