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Embracing The Cycle Of Change
Episode 228th September 2022 • Sensitivity Rising • Tonya Rothe
00:00:00 00:48:25

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Change is an inevitable part of life. It is one of the few things we can all count on, but it can also be a genuine source of discomfort because our brains like consistency and predictability.

Join co-hosts Tonya and Daphnie as we chat about the stages of the emotional cycle of change that we experience as human beings and the tools that we use that help us to follow through on making the changes we want to make in our lives.

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Tonya Rothe 0:03

Welcome to the sensitivity rising podcast where sensitive people learn how to turn down the noise, and tune into their inner guidance systems.

Hello, friends, and welcome to sensitivity rising, I am one of your hosts Tonya.

Daphnie Leigh 0:25

And I'm Daphnie Leigh. And in this episode, we'll be discussing the idea of embracing change. This is such a great topic, and I can't wait to get into it. But first, if you're a fan of the show, please go ahead and click the Listen link in the show notes to subscribe for free on your platform of choice. So Daphne, let's start talking about embracing change. This is such a great topic, and especially for this time of year. Absolutely. And, you know, change is really an inevitable part of life. It's one of the few things that we can all count on. And it's typically associated with discomfort because our primal brain likes consistency, and it likes predictability. And so it doesn't really matter if change is change that's being forced upon us. Or even if it's changed, that we're actively seeking in our lives, change is still hard. And in my experience, I think that this may be especially true for highly sensitive people, because of the fact that we feel things so deeply. And we're so affected by our surroundings.

So, you know, Tony Robbins says that the strongest force in the Human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. I think that's a really interesting concept. So think about that, for a moment, the strongest force in the Human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. So if that's true, then it's no wonder that change can be so painful for us at times. But you know, what does it really mean? And how does that actually play out in our lives? Tonya, what do you think about that?

Tonya Rothe 2:28

I think that quote is actually really interesting, and especially how we really define ourselves, right? How how entrenched we can get in aspects of our personality, whether it's identifying with a certain job, so you know, if you say I am a nurse, and that's a huge part of your identity, or maybe it's a political affiliation that you really identify with. And I feel like the stronger we kind of put ourselves in these in these very defined roles, the harder it can be to make changes, if we really want to make changes, especially if it comes to changes in our health, for example, we just had a house guest visiting and, you know, I was inviting him to take a walk with me around the block. And, and he made this joke, he's like, No, I'll wait till the first heart attack before I start doing that. You know, it's like, you know, he just, he's like, I'm not going to do anything I don't have to do and so, you know, I'm kind of forced to do it. And I thought that was a really, really interesting perspective

on how hard it is for some people to really make those changes.

Daphnie Leigh 3:48

Absolutely. And, you know, as clinical health coach, where I've spent a lot of time working with a lot of different people. Unfortunately, that's something that I see all too often is that people sometimes do wait until they're faced with a health crisis, before they really are willing to jump in and make those changes. But that's not always the case. And I think that as highly sensitive people, because highly sensitive tend to be really deep thinkers. In my own experience, it means that I like to look deeply at my life. And I regularly consider whether or not I'm getting the results that I want in my life and whether or not I'm living in a way that feels meaningful and purposeful to me. And so, when I'm not I can pretty much count on wanting to make some changes so that I'm living more in alignment with my deeper goals, and feeling like I'm living in a line With my authentic self, otherwise, what I find is that I end up living in a way where I'm simply just kind of going along wherever, you know, wherever life leads me wherever the wind blows, and that in those times, I tend to spend a lot more time just reacting to my circumstances, and reacting to my experiences, rather than feeling like in a way that I'm a co creator, and that I am actually the architect of my own life in many ways. You didn't, there was a, there's a quote that I've also heard a bunch of times, that's it's usually attributed to Albert Einstein. But I've also heard that that's not true. But it's still a good quote. And it's the end, probably, you're familiar with it, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.

Tonya Rothe 5:59

Yes. Right. So

Daphnie Leigh 6:02

that's a good one to remember. Because if we aren't getting the results that we want, then we have to make changes, otherwise, we were just going to keep on getting the same results over and over again. And, you know, this is so true when it comes to our health, when it comes to our relationships and how we're showing up in our relationships and how we're interacting in our relationships. It's true when it comes to our own well being, you know, if we're ignoring our self care, and we do that over and over again, then especially as highly sensitive people, we're going to probably feel overwhelmed and burnt out a lot. Yeah. You know, and it's also true, if we think about, like our work in life, that if we, if we keep doing the same things over and over again, we're gonna get the same kinds of results. And, and sometimes we have to make little course corrections along the way. And sometimes it's time for a larger overhaul. So I'm curious, Tonya, have you ever had the experience of wanting to make changes in your life, but then finding that it's really hard to follow through? Or where you catch yourself really just kind of falling back into your old habitual ways of doing things?

Tonya Rothe 7:25

Well, let's see how high can I count? Yes, very much. So, you know, I have fallen into the, the New Year's resolution. All call it trap? Many, many times? Yeah, um, you know, I think that's really probably a good example, that if you're listening, probably everybody can relate to that at some point or another. And then I also what you were saying Daphne resonated with me a lot about kind of getting caught up in, in the flow of things. And I find that especially as a highly sensitive person, as somebody who has a trauma background, that I can fall into the kind of people pleasing mode. And so, you know, for example, if I really want to make a change around diet and exercise, and my husband doesn't, you know, then I'll just kind of like, give up maybe, and it's, you know, which I've done in the past. And it can take a lot more focus and determination for me when I have to do it on my own.

Daphnie Leigh 8:49

Absolutely. And again, that's something working in a clinical setting where I get a lot of people who say, it's just so hard to make changes, because the people around me are resisting, or they're bringing foods into the house that I don't want to eat, but then they're there. And so I it's hard not to and that brings up a whole nother piece of how do we actually follow through on making changes. You know, I think for all of the listeners out there today, I the thing that I would most want to say is that if you can relate to trying to make changes and then finding yourself falling off the wagon or or having trouble falling, following through. Don't beat yourself up. Don't feel too bad about it because it's really perfectly normal. And I think it's something that every one of us can relate to, because we've all been there. And how we identify ourselves, really influences the ways that we think how we feel. And it also influences what we end up doing and the things that we don't end up doing. So for an example, if you identify yourself as someone who doesn't follow through with things, or someone who can only do things for a little while, but then you fall off the wagon, your mind will actually look for opportunities to make that true. And that's, that's really how our minds work. And so how we identify ourselves, and the things that we're saying to ourselves behind the scenes, is really important. And I think this ties directly to that insight from Tony Robbins, that we have this really strong need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves. And that, you know, is just another great example of why change can be so hard, even when it's changes that we want to make.

Tonya Rothe:

Yeah, and going back to what you were saying about trying to make changes at home, for example, and people feel kind of alone, because, you know, their partner or their family doesn't want to make changes. That's also something that we, I think, don't really talk about enough when it comes to changes that people have a certain perspective of who we are, right, they have a certain picture in their mind, expectation of who they think we should be. And so when we decide we want to make a change, it can almost be not necessarily in a in a violent way. But it can be a threat, right, it's a threat to the other people who have a certain story that they tell themselves about who we are and who we should be. And so when we want to change something about ourselves, it can put it can make other people really uncomfortable, don't you think?

Daphnie Leigh:

Absolutely. I think that's so true. And then there's also just the the shame that we can kind of heap on ourselves for not following through. And that, that can just feed into that same cycle of then, when we're not living up to the expectations of the people around us. Or if we're shaming ourselves, then the thoughts and feelings that we have, and sort of perpetuating the cycle of then not necessarily taking the best care of ourselves. And you know, one great example of that would be that so many people can relate to using food as the we're basically where we become emotional eaters, that when we have difficult emotions come up, then we reach for food, especially things that either contain sugar, or are more highly processed, because those foods give us a bigger hit of dopamine when we when we eat them. And so they make they make us feel better in the moment. And then, you know, if our original change was that we wanted to lose weight or something, then we feel worse about ourselves, because we fell off the wagon and and it just sort of starts this whole cycle, then we tell ourselves, oh, this is what you always do, you always fall off the wagon and, and the truth is, is that we all have the power within us to make the changes that we want to make in our life. I really believe that and I've seen it over and over again, even even when the past has been that we've fallen off the wagon over and over again, we still have the power to make those changes. What we need is we need some momentum. And we need to start working on cultivating a newer identity that will support who you want to become, as opposed to who you've been essentially. And researchers have actually noted that most people go through a very predictable cycle of emotions, whenever they try to make changes in their life. That's literally called the emotional cycle of change. And so this this, you've heard of it before, Tonya the emotional cycle of

Tonya Rothe:

Yes, yes, yes. And I think it's I can't wait to get into this because I think a lot of people are going to feel a lot of comfort. Oh, From from hearing that, it's a pretty, it's pretty standard, right? And that it's something that we all that we all deal with. And I think it makes us feel it makes makes us feel less alone. And, and less of a of a failure, right and takes a lot of the shame away from it. So yeah, for sure, let's get into it.

Daphnie Leigh:

Absolutely. So, at the very beginning of the emotional cycle of change, it's, it's when when we decide in the beginning that we're ready to make a change. And at that point, our motivation tends to be at its highest. Because we're usually thinking about how much better things will be once we reach our goals, or how much better our life is going to feel. And I, you know, I know, I come back to like the health thing and the weight thing a lot, only, because that's, that's something that comes up a lot for people or a lot of people that I've worked with, those are things that they're trying to change. So in the very beginning, you know, when people first come to see me as a health coach in the clinic, they're like, really excited, I want to make changes, I want to learn about what a healthy diet is going to be. And so this stage of the emotional cycle of change is actually called uninformed optimism. It's like we were at our most motivated and most optimistic point, because we're not really thinking about how much work it's going to take. And you literally might think, like, ah, all my problems are gonna go away, and I'm gonna feel so much better. And my whole life is going to be transformed when I reach these goals. But then, as we start to actually put the effort into making changes, pretty quickly, we realize like, oh, wow, this is hard, right. And that's when our brain literally jumps in and starts to try to resist the change. Because our brain does not like to be uncomfortable. It doesn't want to move towards the pain and discomfort that typically arises when we're trying new things. And we're when we're having to exert effort, and we're really like, you know, trying to cultivate new habits. So it's really uncomfortable at first, to make changes, and we tend to start to resist that, because our brain is literally hardwired to resist it.

Tonya Rothe:

Yes, I it's almost like a, like a high, right? When you those first couple of days after New Year's, exactly, then it's about January 5, or seventh, and then we maybe start to hit the second stage. Where do we start to hit those roadblocks, whether it's like you described, you know, just that initial resistance, or, also, we've talked about resistance from people in your household or co workers who, you know, you always go to lunch with or something like that, just sticking with the, with the kind of standard idea of making those big health changes during New Years. And it can also take a lot of effort, right, for us to move to stage two, just depending on where we are in our lives, that kind of support system that we have. And we just start to really realize this is really hard. And then maybe, kind of looking back and saying, Well, you know, maybe things weren't so bad before, right? Things were so bad before, you know, I you know, I still have, you know, I still have clothes in my closet I can wear and you know, is it really worth it? Is it really worth you know, making, you know, two, two meals in my house instead of one, it takes a lot of extra effort. And so I that's when we really start to have the doubt really starts to creep in. And, you know, we really start to think about maybe giving up on this change that we were so excited about making and kind of keeping that enthusiasm and that momentum, it can really start to wane during this change. And like for example, I would say, you know, for me when it comes to this kind of thing where you know, okay, decide I'm going to give up cookies, right? And so I give up cookies for a week and everything's great and then all of a sudden, all I can think about is cookies. And you know, I'm Drew Thinking about cookies, or, you know, my husband brings home cookies. And you know, I have to have him, you know, put them on a high shelf that I can't reach, which is something that we have done in our house, which I can share a little bit about that later about, you know, some of the things that we do. But yeah, so stage two is really where we start to wonder if we can do it.

Daphnie Leigh:

Yeah. And then if you are already in that state where you're wondering, and then suddenly you have a really bad day, or something really stressful happens. And then all of a sudden, that takes it to a whole nother level. Because now you just want to soothe your emotions, you know, and that's where it's like, ah, that cookie would do that. And this kind of can lead us right into the next stage, which is stage number three. And it's known as literally the valley of despair. And this is, so this is when we hit the valley of despair, which I've always thought that's kind of a funny name. But but it seems like, like

Tonya Rothe:

a good, a little bleak, but it is no that way. It is a little

Daphnie Leigh:

bleak. But sometimes it's like, yeah, it kind of feels that way. But basically, this is a place where we hit this kind of cognitive dissonance of who we are now, you know, because maybe we maybe we had to learn some new things, in order to make those changes in the first place, maybe we had to learn more about what a healthier diet would be for us. And now we have this new knowledge. And we know how the things that we are that we've been doing are affecting us long term. But we were so we reached this point where it's like who we are now or who we are, as we're like, Oh, I've avoided cookies for a whole week, versus who we've been in the past, you know, maybe where we did reach for that sweet thing to soothe our emotions in the moment. And so this is where we can get a little stuck between being attached to who we've been, or the habits that were we've had in the past, versus this new part of our selves are this new future vision of ourselves, and who we're wanting to become. So it's that place of cognitive dissonance between the two. And it can be really uncomfortable, because it's almost like we're in two places at once. Or we're like, we're having a little bit of an identity crisis with ourselves. Because any crisis, yeah, because the people are either with ourselves, or the people around us are like, wait a minute, you know, this isn't how you usually do it. And, and that can be tough. And so this is really the point where we're not even necessarily feeling the benefits of the changes that we're trying to make yet. And so it can be like the really, really messy middle. And this is the point where most people give up, honestly, and that's why it becomes the valley of despair. Because we hit that really messy middle, it's really uncomfortable. And it's that that's we're on that kind of point where you can either keep going. And you can keep looking for ways that you can continue to make progress towards your goal. Or you just throw in the towel, and you go back to your old habits and your comfortable way of being.

Tonya:

Yeah, so the valley of despair.

Tonya Rothe:

I think probably everybody can can relate to that. For sure. I know that a lot of what you were saying really hits home with me. But if we can make it through the valley of despair, we can make it to stage four. Which means that we're starting right to make our way through the worst of it, right, we're choosing, we're choosing the new habits more often than the old habits. And we're starting maybe to see some of the benefits. So maybe if you've decided to start exercising and walking, you know, 30 minutes a day, maybe now you're starting to notice, oh, I have more energy throughout the day. Now when before I was really I felt more tired when I was walking but now I'm starting to feel a little bit better, having more energy when I wake up in the morning and things like that. So this stage is called informed optimism. And it really means that we're actively working towards making those changes. We're putting in the effort and we find that You know, making it through that valley of despair was was really worth it kind of spending that time going back and forth, and making these changes and knowing that if we keep on this path, then we're really going to start to get closer to our goals and making those changes that we want to make in our life. For sure. You can, you know, you might start saying, like I said, I feel I have more energy, I'm feeling better. And you also start to maybe have a little bit more control over your thoughts. You're having more control over your actions, making those decisions, maybe, you know, having that craving, for example, for that cookie, but then having the ability to stop yourself and say, Wait a minute, do I really, is this what I really want? Or am I may be reaching for something else out of comfort? Yeah, what do you think about that, Daphne?

Daphnie Leigh:

Yeah, I really agree with that. And I think that it's through these stages through that valley of despair of despair. And when we start to head into stage four, that it's so important to remember that we don't have to do it perfectly. That it's, we really want to give ourselves some grace here that that we you know, more often than not, when people throw in the towel, it's because they've already kind of fallen off the wagon, and they're starting to believe those stories of, well, this is what I always do. And and that if we can just keep encouraging ourselves and recognizing that we don't have to do it perfectly. That it's like progress over perfection. I think the important Yeah. And that, that then if we if we can just keep asking ourselves, like, what's one small step that I can take, and then we do start to experience more of that success and fulfillment with what we're doing. And so I think it's really important, you know, at this stage, like the next question, in general, that we want to ask ourselves with all of this, what are the tools that we can actually use to help us move through those feelings of, of shame, or those feelings of overwhelm, or those feelings of, you know, disappointing the people around us because we're not living up to their current expectations of who we are and what we're doing that that it helps to actually have, in a way to have a plan? What are you going to do when it gets hard? And what are you going to do? You know, if you do fall off the wagon, how can you keep going so that you don't just quit and give up on yourself? So what do you think? I think we should talk about that next.

Tonya Rothe:

My thing? Yeah, I mean, I think a plan is vital. Yeah, it's vital. And that's something that I have really not had in the past, something that I've really started to implement is, is, is having a plan of Yeah, what am I going to do? And also, you know, if, if I do have one cookie after two weeks, that I'm not a failure, right? And that I haven't, I just don't have to throw in the towel and, and go back to all of the things that were going on before. Say, Okay, I had one cookie. Now, how do I get back up from that? And how can I make a different choice next time? Yeah. You know, for example.

Daphnie Leigh:

Absolutely. And I think that a really great starting point, anytime someone wants to make a change, is to ask yourself, why is this important to me? Yes. To get really, really clear about what's your own big why for doing this, and really to think about, you know, even to think about both sides of it, like recognize, it's gonna be hard, who I know now we all know there's this emotional cycle of change that we're going to go through where we're going to hit roadblocks along the way. But why is it worth doing anyway? And maybe even considering, like, what do you stand to lose if you don't make this change? Because sometimes it's easier to start by determining what you don't want before you even explore what you do want. You know, if we come back to our health and we, you know, a lot of people come in and they talk about their own family health histories. And then that tends to be a motivator for a lot of people is that they see, for example, how their parents are doing as they get older. And they think, Oh, I'm, I don't want to go down that same path. And I don't want to wait until not everybody wants to wait for that first heart attack. Right? Not everybody wants to wait, and good and cancer before they quit smoking. Yes. Some of and again, I think is highly sensitive people that we, we are, you know, deep thinker is and that we contemplate things in life. And so, you know, with that, it might make us even more acutely aware of our own health, and even our own fears around health. Like, I think it's not uncommon for people to even develop, like health anxiety, you know, because we can, we can overthink things sometimes. And we're really good at the what if, like above, making out the worst case scenarios. So we could use that to our advantage by actually consciously thinking about why a change would be important to us. And one of the tools that I like to use for this to really go deeper with it is to journal and one way that I'll do it is I'll set a timer for myself. So I might say, Okay, I'm gonna set my timer for 10 minutes. And then I'll ask myself, like, what is it that you know, like, like, we said, like, what do what what don't I want in my life, that maybe I need to make some changes so that I can avoid that. And I'll give myself that prompt. And then I'll just free right? Not trying to edit myself, but just sort of getting into that stream of consciousness, just to see what comes up. Because sometimes it can be so surprising to find the thoughts and the feelings that are in those deeper layers, you know, underneath the, I want to lose weight, because I want to fit into my jeans again.

Tonya Rothe:

Yeah. So that even though you're journaling, it's almost like letting go the thinking mind. Right. And I feel a lot of the emotions, like you were saying the deeper the deeper layers of ourself coming to the surface.

Daphnie Leigh:

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Another Another tool is that I use a lot is, and that I always tell my coaching clients, and I think I already mentioned it today is progress over perfection, yes, is that we want to take things slowly, and allow ourselves to make small shifts to set realistic expectations of ourselves. Because in and this is true, you know, whether you're sensitive or not, but especially as highly sensitive people, like we're really impacted by our routines and by the things that we do each day, and that we get overwhelmed more easily than people who aren't highly sensitive. And so one, there's something that I say to people a lot, because I love analogies but, but one way I've always thought of this is that a 1% change, even if we just make a 1% change, but we do it consistently, that over time, that change can turn the boat in a whole new direction. Right that, you know, if we try to turn too fast, we might actually capsule, but we take it slow and steady, that that can get us to our goals. And that small steady progress has a cumulative effect. And so you know, rather than just being like, Okay, I'm gonna lose 20 pounds, and I'm gonna try to do it as quickly as possible. Even if people reach that goal, there tends to be kind of the backsliding and the yo yoing because they're doing something that's so extreme, that they're not going to be able to maintain it. Not to mention that there are a lot of ways to lose weight, and a lot of them aren't healthy for us. So if we instead think of it in terms of, you know, how can I continue to improve my health over time? And you know, when we look at maybe, you know, what's my current diet? And are there ways that I can just upgrade the things that I'm already doing make little swaps so that we're having a healthier version of something that we're used to eating? Or maybe we're working on gradually eliminating or reducing the foods that are kind of working against our health. So again, just making those small, steady changes can help us to be more successful.

Tonya Rothe:

Yeah, I totally agree. And I love that. And I feel like something that something that I always talk to you about when I'm working with my clients for nutrition is we add first before we subtract, right, so we add, you know, let's add more vegetables before we start to take away something else. And I find that that can be helpful as well. Because there can a lot of times be that, that feeling of lack. Yeah, that can go kind of start to seep into all areas of our life. That's probably for another episode for sure.

Daphnie Leigh:

Yeah, but even that, saying that, that if people feel like they're depriving themselves, then in my experience, that can make the inner rebel rise up.

Tonya Rothe:

I have a hard day, I deserve this cookie.

Daphnie Leigh:

Exactly. Tell me, I can't have it, or I'm gonna want it even more.

Tonya Rothe:

Yeah. Yeah. And then that leads into something that I a tool that I really implement in my life. And, you know, of course, we're talking about more than just, you know, diet, even though it's kind of what we're focusing on, just because it's something that everybody can, most people can probably relate to making those lifestyle changes, but and it's something we've touched on before, but it's just making lots of space in our lives for self compassion, and making space for falling down and getting back up. Right. And so, like, you were saying, Daphne, you know, progress, not perfection, right, especially for us as sensitive people. Because, in my experience, we, a lot of times, we need extra time, we need extra care, we have so many external things going on that affect us that don't affect non HSPs that we have to sometimes we have to be able to turn down the noise of the outside world and all these other things, because of our deep empathy and everything else before we can really start to focus inward, right, and start to make those changes for ourselves.

Daphnie Leigh:

Absolutely, I so agree with that.

Tonya Rothe:

And then probably my last tool is to really accept that your journey is your own. And we've also touched on this, but because others may not want you to make changes, because it disrupts their comfort zone, or the role that they want you to play in their life. And this is one of the most important things that I've learned on my journey is that it's really great if our partner or if our friends and family, you know, want to take this journey with us. But we don't need them to, we can we can make the changes on our own. I'm not saying at all, that it's easier this way, or that it wouldn't be great, you know, if your partner didn't want to, you know, also go vegan with you, for example. But you don't need their approval, you don't need their you don't need them to be right by your side. But you you do need their I will say you need their respect, right, they need somebody they need to respect that you're doing this for your reasons.

Daphnie Leigh:

Yeah. And that I feel like that kind of touches on the issue of boundaries.

Tonya Rothe:

No, yeah, for sure. That we

Daphnie Leigh:

have to be able to set boundaries for ourselves and to make our own selves and well being a priority in our in our lives. And it makes me think, you know, that idea of you gotta put your own oxygen mask on first. And as HSPs because we are so empathetic, we so often feel driven to tend to the needs of everyone around us and to push our own needs by the wayside. Like I'll get to that later. Yeah. And so then we might, you know, be in that mode of thinking, we to again that we don't want to disappoint the people around us. But yeah, we don't, we don't need thereby, like, we don't need their total buy in, we just need their respect. And that means, you know, we have to be able to communicate in a clear and somewhat confident way of being able to say, this is what I need to do or choose to do for myself. And all I ask is that you respect that.

Tonya Rothe:

Yeah. And to know that, depending on whatever situation you're in, you know, some people can be pretty negative, right. And I think that it's, it's important for us to mention that. So to know that within yourself that if you do, like Daphne was saying, you know, fall off the wagon, quote, unquote, that there's no shame in it. And that, you know, it's okay, that if somebody is going to point that out to you, or maybe try to call you out for it, that you can leave that space, and that self compassion for yourself, to know that it's okay, and that there's no shame around it, if that makes sense. Definitely. So, for those of you listening, we have a question for you. And around change. And so what do you believe, is possible for you when you get to the other side of a change that you want to make? And how can you get to know yourself better during each stage of the change process? What do you think about those questions? Daphne?

Daphnie Leigh:

I think they're really good ones. Because again, I you know, I truly believe that we all have the capacity to make changes, and that at any point in our lives, we are in the process of becoming, you know, any day, it's like we're becoming whoever we're going to be tomorrow. And that sometimes that is a process that is just happening organically, you know, each day, we're a day older. And we go through these stages in our lives, like, you know, we go from kids to becoming adults, or maybe, you know, some people go from being single to being in a in a partnership, or a marriage, or some people become parents, we're always kind of becoming, and, and again, that's going to happen, and we can let it happen organically. But there's also that part where we can be the architects of our own lives in many ways, and that we can consciously choose who we want to become next, or how we want to show up in our lives tomorrow. And it just takes like, playing with that idea of believing what's possible for us and and asking ourselves what's possible and allowing ourselves to dream and to work towards our bigger dreams and goals in life.

Tonya Rothe:

That's really beautiful. I love that. Yeah. So once again, what do you believe is possible for you when you get to the other side of the change that you want to make, and thinking about how you can get to know yourself a little bit better during each stage of the change process and knowing that this is a process that we all go through all human beings go through, and that you're not alone when you're in that valley of despair.

Daphnie Leigh:

And I think that that getting to know yourself better during each stage that the way that we do that is with more pauses in our life, which to me equates to mindfulness that we take the time throughout the process to just be checking in with ourselves. And oftentimes for me, that means stopping, taking a few breaths and literally like feeling into my own body, noticing what what are my physical responses to what's going on? Or what what are my thoughts behind how I'm feeling right now? So that we do get to know ourselves better, and that we can just approach ourselves with that sense of curiosity.

Tonya Rothe:

Curiosity. Yes. I love that curiosity. That's a perfect word. There's a great quote by Deepak Chopra, where he says all great changes are preceded by chaos.

And I feel like

I feel like some days no Truer words were ever spoken. Absolutely. Yeah. So each time we go through the process of change, we're not the same person that we were before. And the only way forward really is to move through right to go through this process. And this process of change all the stages, they really allow us to be more than we were before, more alive, more full of love and compassion. And most importantly, for me, I've realized self acceptance. And as hard as it can be, going through this process means that we are in between what was and what can be like Daphne was saying, but we definitely cannot skip over the messy parts that messy middle, and we have to learn how to sit with discomfort, and also the fear of the unknown, so we can become something new.

Daphnie Leigh:

That is so very true. And yeah, that's that's comes back to that, pausing more being mindful, noticing how we feel in the moment and being willing to sit with our discomfort at times by knowing that it's going to be temporary, you know, that discomfort of the craving for a cookie coming up? I can that can that can be really uncomfortable.

Tonya Rothe:

Yes. And powerful, very powerful. And

Daphnie Leigh:

we can we can practice pausing, and allowing ourselves to feel that and then asking ourselves, you know, what, what is it that I really need right now, in this moment? Yep.

Tonya Rothe:

Yep. And it's not the cookie? Absolutely.

Daphnie Leigh:

Not the cookie, that will be very momentary pleasure. And may not lead you to the results that you ultimately Yes,

Tonya Rothe:

yes, yes. So,

Daphnie Leigh:

you know, for the people that are listening, if if you're interested in exploring these kinds of topics deeper, you're, you're welcome to come join me in my highly sensitive and strong community on Facebook. We'll put a link to that in the show notes. And,

Tonya Rothe:

yeah, yeah, so we'll have a link for that Daphnie's group in the show notes, and we just want to thank you so much for listening for spending this time with us. We're so grateful that you chose to be here. We're super excited about starting this new adventure, this podcast, and sharing, sharing and holding space for sensitive people. And if you're enjoying the podcast, please feel free to leave us review on pod chaser or iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen, and we'll see you next time. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. Thank you for spending time with us on the sensitivity rising podcast. Please reach out to us with any questions or topic ideas you'd like to learn more about. New episodes are released Wednesdays and if you're enjoying the podcast, please take a moment to leave a review and share it with others. You can click the Listen link in the show notes to subscribe for free on your platform of choice. And we'll see you next time!

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