This episode focuses on what is really what we strive for the most: acceptance. Aristotle said it best in which he declared that all humans are political animals (political having a different connotation by today's standards). Moving past the contemporary decision of social acceptance, we can achieve more happy, fulfilling lives IF we listen to the signs that surround us in our lives.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 77 of Speaking from the Heart,

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and I have to ask you a question.

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Are you letting go when

it counts the most?

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I know for myself, I have had

this struggle throughout most of

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my life of wanting to let go of

some of the things that have held

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me back from achieving greatness.

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That includes not only the things that

have been obstacles, whether that is

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people that I have encountered, let alone

the obstacles that I have seen truly

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play out in front of me, whether I had to

jump over them, duck underneath them, or

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slide to the left, or slide to the right.

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I have to be careful though about those

things that I let go of because they

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actually make a big difference in my

overall life, but when we are talking

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about letting go, we're talking about

really is what the biggest thing is that

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we're trying to strive for the most,

which is acceptance, so today I want

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to spend a lot of time really talking

about how we can interact with other

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people, and not worrying about what

other people think about who we are.

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Now, this subject hits home for me,

because, for many years, especially

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growing up in school, I had a lot of

worries about not only the things that

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I was perceived to be, which was fat,

ugly, and stupid, but I had to worry

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about other sort of aspects that maybe

the others didn't have to worry about.

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Ever heard of having a speech impediment?

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How about actually being a few grades

behind in reading comprehension and

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math, to the point that you had to

go and attend a special education

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class on those subjects alone?

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To top it all off, being made

fun of because you're geeky.

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Now, thankfully, I didn't wear the

glasses that some people have to wear

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when going through school and being teased

as four eyes or any other derogatory

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term, but I think that really left a

big impression on me and how I felt

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like I was being treated, because I

was not treated like everybody else.

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As a matter of fact, I was not socially

accepted by any standard whatsoever.

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It wasn't really until college that

I started to really feel a lot better

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about who I was, because I was starting

to adapt and evolve into what I really

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enjoyed the most: wanting to be a lawyer.

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Now, obviously, I haven't ended up

being a lawyer because I'm here on this

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podcast show and running my coaching

business, Your Speaking Voice, LLC,

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but I always think, just as that famous

Disney series is that just came out

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recently, what if It would have been if

I was a lawyer instead, but I digress,

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because what really happened for me

as a result of being set back was that

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it gave me a lot more opportunities.

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In other words, when I was forced to let

go of what was really my path leading

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forward, I was able to do things that

really counted the most, and be able

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to provide in a way in which I never

thought possible to other people.

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Aristotle said it best, in which he

declared in one of his famous literatures,

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humans are political animals, and I

mention this definition because, no, I'm

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not talking about the fact that we are

political creatures, which for my United

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States fans, you know exactly what I'm

talking about when it comes to people

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that are affiliated with the toxicity of

politics, whether you're a Republican,

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Democrat, you're a part of the Green

Party, whether you're a part of the No

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Labels Party, regardless of what it is.

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What I'm talking about and Aristotle

was talking about is having the social

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acceptance by today's standards by being

able to understand and relate to others.

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Now, I know if my political science

professor from back in the day is

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listening to this, she will bash me

over the head because she will say to

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me, "Josh, that is not what I meant

by teaching you in 101 Introduction to

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Political Science", and don't worry, I

understand, and I'm not saying that that's

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the true definition, but I will say this.

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When we have that ability in which we want

to be socially accepted by somebody else,

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we try to go above and beyond what usually

is the call of duty to make sure that

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those people are taken care of, but we're

more worried about what their opinion is,

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as opposed to what we should be worrying

about in the day to day, and actually

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listening to what our hidden desires and

aspirations are to achieve greatness,

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but there are many signs that are around

us when it comes to not only accepting

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who other people say that we should be,

but really, what we should become, is

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actually easier than you might think

by simply looking at your day to day.

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Now do this with me, and if you need to

pause the episode, feel free to do it,

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but why don't you take a sheet of paper

out, and write down all the things that

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you enjoy doing, whether they're very

small in nature, it could be even washing

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the dishes, all the way to the things

that you absolutely love doing, whether

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that's reading a book, maybe going on

a hiking trail, maybe it's one of the

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most expensive hobbies, which is going

on cruises and international travel.

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Some of my guests, even Mark Snow, who

we have featured on this show, talks

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about the importance of being able

to travel with that connection, being

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able to know what other people are

doing, so you list all those things

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out, and I'm sure you're going to

come up with a large number of them.

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Then, take the other half of that sheet,

or get a fresh sheet, and write down

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all the things that you despise doing,

and I'm not just talking about the

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things that are just really simplistic

in nature that you absolutely despise

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doing, like maybe folding the laundry,

or even putting away the dishes, because

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some people like cleaning them, but

putting them away is a whole other

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ballgame, but I'm talking about the things

that you absolutely don't like doing.

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Maybe it's the fear of public speaking,

which, if you need some help, I'm more

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than willing to help you, being that

I'm a public speaking coach myself.

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Even with those things, write down

what you absolutely despise, from

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the lowest to the highest category

that you absolutely hate doing.

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Now, I want you to look at that list.

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I want you to study it carefully and think

about all the things that you absolutely

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love doing and absolutely hate doing.

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Now, thank you very much for

writing all the bad things down.

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We can dispose of that because what

I'm more interested in is what you

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absolutely enjoy, and if you're

not doing what you're absolutely

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enjoying, then what are you doing?

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Is it something that

you could get paid for?

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Are any of the things that you have

listed allowing you to create those

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opportunities to excel, whether that's

in some sort of adventure that you like

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to do with traveling, and maybe being

a columnist or a writer of different

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types of destinations, or maybe it's

something else that you really like.

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Maybe you like talking to people.

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Maybe you love being socially

accepted by those aspects.

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You see, I think in human nature, we

get attuned to the types of people that

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we love hanging out with, meaning, if I

like to go to the gym and work out, I'm

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obviously going to hang out with other

people that love to go to the gym also,

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and that they also love to work out.

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We'd be texting memes and pictures

of all kinds of different types of

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exercises, and making fun of each other

because our muscle sizes are not equal

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to what everybody else in the gym is

doing, and we definitely are in there

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to be a lot better, but I digress.

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I'm sure that not everybody is making

fun of each other, and by all means,

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I would not encourage that, especially

being somebody that has been teased

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for quite a long time about their body

shape, but even with all that said,

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are you letting those things that you

absolutely love be part of your life, and

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I'm not just saying that you're doing it

because you love doing it, but are you

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actually taking time to dive into it?

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To enjoy what that actually is creating

for your life, or are you letting the

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paper that you threw away earlier, seep

into the good things, and you're letting

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that create a toxic environment where,

yeah, you enjoy doing the positive

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things but you're kind of stuck on

doing some of the murky things as well.

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In the business world, I often talk to

people about the importance of letting

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go of some of the things that they

don't have control over and allowing

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them to be able to work on the things

that they truly enjoy the most.

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In some future episodes, I'm going to

have some guests that we actually talk

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about this subject matter, but I'll

say that, for some of us, doing the

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books for the business, maybe working

on some marketing, or maybe even just

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paying the bills, are just some of the

most murkiest, disgusting things that

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we have to do, and we have to let that

go and give that to somebody else.

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That's why we pay people to

provide a service or a product.

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It helps to make our lives

a lot more convenient.

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Now, I'm not saying and advocating

that you need to make a whole budget

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for all these different things

and pay for all those different

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people, because I think working in

the rough and dealing with a lot of

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different things makes you stronger.

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I think that's so important, especially

if we're going to be able to live this

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happy, fulfilling life, because we need

to be able to not just see what those

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signs are that are around us, but we

also need to be able to look at the signs

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that are not around us and pay attention

to the clues that are being given.

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Now, I know what you're asking.

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We're already several minutes into this

episode, and you have yet to hear this

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profound message that I have to say.

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You're probably asking, "Josh, when

are you going to get to the good stuff?

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When are you actually going to share

with me what it means to actually let go?

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When are you actually going to

share with me what are some of the

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things that I should count on?"

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Well, I hate to disappoint

you, but it's not coming.

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You might be asking, "Well why

aren't you going to tell me?",

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because it's so simple, right?

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You're able to write this down.

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You have it all figured out.

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You're going to implement some of

the things that you have on the list.

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You're going to talk to some other

people and help you become better.

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You're actually going to do what you

really wanted to do for the longest time.

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You're actually letting go of the

toxic things, and you're counting on

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the good things to carry you through.

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That's not how life works.

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You see, I left out a very important

part of my story that I shared earlier

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with you, that I think really provides

some context to what we're talking about.

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Those things that I had been going through

for most of my life, I held on for 30

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years, and I'm talking about the things

that have been problems that I had with

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reading and writing and arithmetic,

even talking about my own ability to

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speak eloquently and clearly to others.

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I really let that be an inhibiting

factor that held me back for so long.

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Now why is that such a big deal?

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Well, when I try to write my list of

what's good and what's bad, it all

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becomes jaded because of what other

people have said about me and who I am.

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It got to the point that it really held

me back from not only experiencing the

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true joys of what college was about,

but I know that I have been stuck in so

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many different types of jobs throughout

my life, that I know were not fulfilling

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whatsoever, and I know that they were

creating some of those aspirations

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and those talents that were not being

utilized to their fullest potential.

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As a matter of fact, Aristotle would

be very mad at me to know that I wasn't

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working to help myself, to be able

to learn from others, to be a social

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creature by nature, to be a political

animal, to be able to help others achieve

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their greatness, and it wasn't until

I was 35 years of age that I finally

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opened Your Speaking Voice, LLC, and

I'm doing what I really enjoy the most.

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After all the trials, all the

tribulations, all the crying, bloody

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messes that I usually got myself into, and

yes, they were bloody at some occasion,

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and I was not leading the best life.

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Now I'm not just saying to you today

that it isn't about the good things that

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you should be doing and that you should

be spending more time in those things.

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Don't get me wrong, but I think

it's really important to reflect

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on the things that you threw away

earlier, the negative things, because

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that is what builds the character.

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That's what allows us to associate

with other people, and that's what

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creates the bonds and friendships that

truly mean the most to us, because

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we can relate to those people that

are going through such a hard time.

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I know that for many of us, it's so easy

to take a big step back and be able to

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look at all the times that those sort of

instances occurred in our life, whether

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they are the relationships that have

failed, the friendships that didn't

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work out the way that they intended,

let alone the things that we needed

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to be as social, political animals, to

create those best versions of ourselves.

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I know that acceptance is a very tough

subject because we always strive to be

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accepted, whether it's at our job so

that we can keep it, whether we are in

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a relationship with our husband or wife

or boyfriend or girlfriend, or you are

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just leading the day to day, just wanting

to be accepted by society because you

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have a lot to offer and you're selling

yourself so that you can let the world

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know what you have to offer, and I've

talked about in previous episodes the

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importance of being able to know that

message and being able to develop

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it, and I encourage you to listen to

some of those if you are struggling

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with the way in which you are finding

that acceptance, but don't find the

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acceptance in the negativity all the time.

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There is a balance between what you should

be able to do and what you're not able to

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do, and I encourage you to lead a life in

which you challenge yourself to dive into

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the things that you're not as comfortable

with, because it will give you a brand

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new perspective of what it looks like

to be on the other side of that fence,

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especially when you're talking to someone

that is going through such a hard time.

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You see, in today's society, we have

such a tough time being able to associate

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with others because we don't know what

it feels like to be in their shoes.

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We often avoid the whole

subject completely, or we

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don't even talk about it.

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It's almost as if we walk down the

street, not look each way before we

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cross the street, and walk into incoming

traffic, and we all know what the

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disastrous, ill intended consequences

are when you do such an action.

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I know that for many of us, we want to be

socially accepted, but I think it's really

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important that you accept yourself first,

before all else, because yes, there are

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standards in which we need to have, and

yes, we need to be able to feel fulfilled.

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We need to achieve that

level of happiness.

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We need to be able to surround ourselves

with the things that we enjoy the

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most, but I think, and I encourage

you, especially if you haven't done

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so lately, to take a big step back

and look at the bigger picture.

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In other words, help yourself to see

what other people are going through.

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Go to a food pantry.

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Go volunteer at an animal shelter.

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Go volunteer at a homeless shelter.

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Go volunteer in a place in which

your services and talents are

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needed the most, because I will

tell you something right now.

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If you ever wanted to feel a level

of acceptance in something that you

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really honestly wanted to do, it's

not found at a bar or restaurant.

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It's not found at a music

concert or a social event.

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It's not even found in your office where

you tediously work day in and day out.

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It's with the people that

desperately want to hear your voice.

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Those are the people that want

that acceptance and you have that

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ability to give it to others.

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I think that means then that no matter

what level of destitution that you have,

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you're able to provide not only those

opportunities for others, but maybe you

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are becoming a different type of political

animal based on Aristotle's definition,

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and I think I might kind of like you if

you are doing those sort of things that

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make you a better person and more well

rounded, but don't take my definition

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for it, because I'm accepting who I am.

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Are you accepting who you are?

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I think that once you do that, you'll

have a deeper appreciation for not only

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letting go of the things that count the

most, but you're also going to let go

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so much more, that emotional baggage,

that relationship that might be toxic,

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but maybe, just maybe, you'll find more

things that are more fulfilling in life

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that will lead you into the calling that

you were destined to do, and I think that

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is something worth achieving, and I think

that is also something that you can let

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go of, because when you are living by

that standard, it doesn't matter what I

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have to say, or what the world has to say.

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Live in the moment of intentionality

and help others to find the same.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 77 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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See you next time.