Creating a life with purpose, intention, and clarity starts with where you are right now. We often notice that there are many analogies in life that we can use to construct meaning and purpose in our lives. Nature, Lego, Computer operating systems, even tissue!  There are concrete examples in our lives that show is a different way to consider what is, and where we want to go.  In this conversation with Mindset Engineer and Life Coach, Molly Brown, we talk about how we move through life mostly on auto-pilot, tethered to our habits, and then when things go differently from how we expected, we often get stuck or become obsessed with the things that go wrong.  Molly reminds us that we can revisit the code and consider what went wrong.  With a career history in aerospace technology, Molly reminds us that we are able to construct what we want out of life when we:

• Review what is working and what isn’t in our lives
• Consider the direction of our desires
• Access support to create the vision
• Break down the components to move forward
• Create more of what we want
• Accept and take ownership in our own lives

This conversation is certain to inspire!  

Hugs, Hip Bumps, and Engineer Your Juicy Life!

Tanya xo

About the Guest:

Hi, I’m Molly.  Just like you, I used to be a young child.  I took apart everything I could and built my own machines from erector sets and Legos and eventually grew up to be an engineer.  On my way there, I spent four years in the Army as an intelligence analyst to serve my country.  The combination of experience as an engineer and an analyst gave me critical thinking skills that I directed inwards to figure out how the human mind works and how do we become the designers for our own lives.  I found these answers when I met Bob Proctor.  I learned how the conscious and subconscious parts of the mind have different roles and responsibilities in creating the results we get in life.  When we know what and how to communicate to the subconscious mind, we can program a goal into our own brain and get the directions there as easily as we can program a destination into GPS in a car.  It transformed my life in ways I could not have even dreamed of.  I call this process Mindset Engineering and I’d love to share it with you.

Molly Brown, Mindset Engineer

Design the mindset you need to achieve the results you want.

MindsetEngineeringllc@gmail.com

www.Mindset-Engineering.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mindsetengineer/

https://calendly.com/mindsetengineeringllc

Instagram @Molly.with.the.Mindset

TikTok @engineer.your.mindset

About the Host:

Tanya's mission is to create a legacy of self-love for women that reinforces trust in themselves through our programs, coaching, podcast, and book, The Trifecta of Joy! As Founder and creator of the Trifecta of Joy Philosophy, she combines over 30 years of research and work in various helping fields, to help you achieve your greatest successes!

Using her philosophy of the Trifecta of Joy, her mission is to empower people through their struggles with the elements of awareness, befriending your inner critic and raising your vibe. This podcast is about sharing stories of imperfection moving through life to shift toward possibilities, purpose, and power in your life!

Having had many wtf moments including becoming a widow, struggling with weight and body image issues, dating after loss, single parenting, remarriage, and blending families, Tanya is committed to offering you inspiration and empowerment – body, mind, and spirit!

As a speaker, writer, and coach, Tanya steps into her life’s purpose daily – to INSPIRE HOPE.

Order your copy of the Trifecta of Joy – HELP yourself in a world of change right here.

Get in touch with Tanya and follow the fun and inspiration in other places too!

www.perfectlyimperfect.wtf 

https://www.facebook.com/PerfectlyImperfect.wtf

https://www.instagram.com/perfectlyimperfect.wtf

https://www.linkedin.com/in/tanya-gill-695aa358/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCH9VaHVMPa-Vk0l4LTuc_lQ

https://www.tiktok.com/@perfectlyimperfect.wtf?lang=en

Hugs, Hip Bumps, and Go ahead and SHINE!

Xo Tanya

Thanks for listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below!

Subscribe to the podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Stitcher. You can also subscribe in your favorite podcast app.

Leave us an Apple Podcasts review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on Apple Podcasts.

Hi friend, I'm Tanya Gill Welcome to lighten up and unstuck your What the fuck. Together we explore the ways through life's stickiness moments, and how to live with more peace, joy, love and gratitude. We're going to talk honestly about what isn't easy so you can discover the light within you that will carry you forward. My friend, this podcast is about you in real life, your body, mind and soul, and the opportunity to not only live your best, but shine doing it

my friends, welcome to lighten up and unstuck your wet the fog. I am so happy you are here because I have with me, Molly Brown. And I will tell you, Molly Brown is an awesome person and the conversation that I'm about to share with you has already taken place. And we had such an incredible conversation that I'm now introducing Molly, post interview that will be popped in pre interview in our perfectly imperfect way. But our interview was so fucking awesome. Mala Molly, how are you?

I am great. And it just we had this amazing conversation but just happened. And we were afterwards we're talking about just how easy it is. And sometimes we're working so hard, and then have incredible things just come so easily.

And there's incredible stuff for you to listen to friends. So without further ado, here is my conversation with the amazing Molly Brown. You know what I always remember that there are fucking gems before we even start recording that we might be able to use like even later or in an audio Graham trailer and those kinds of things. So I like when you were talking about the mom pockets, because I will tell you that that mom pockets episode. After I actually released it, I thought I just did a whole fucking episode about Kleenex. And I am unlike when we talk about the inner critic, like I went there very quickly, I was like, What the fuck is up with me that I will do something about Kleenex. And, you know, and and there's two things to that. The first is that as coaches you and I are so we're simply not perfect. Like right, perfectly imperfect, like WTF like, it's like this is the people who are here to help you if they are actually able to help you if there's anyone more present and willing to help you. It's someone who's working on themselves. And when we recognize that we are a work in progress, like my data, my inner critic, she fucking lost her mind after I did the episode about Kleenex.

And it was an awesome, it was an amazing episode. I was with you the whole time. Like, yeah.

Like, so. You were like, you were with me the whole time? Why were you with me the whole time.

So also, I think all we have is analogies. Like there, we don't have an objective dictionary of true and false and all the facts of the whole universe like we we will and if we're looking for, we're never going to find it and we got to learn to stop that quest. Because it's not there. All we have to understand ourselves to understand the universe is understand other people are analogies, things that we can relate to. So like find an analogy that helps you understand a thing, use it to map to the thing and then get understand and get get like a deeper understanding of it. And I also see, often people have analogies, but don't they're not working for them. Right that that and the analogy isn't actually doesn't have enough mirror to what's truly going on. Even though we can't we don't we can't see what's truly going on. But there's enough things that are breaking with the analogy to be like, hey, like this isn't serve, you need to find some other way of trying to understand this phenomenon because your model that you're trying to put it into isn't helping you exist and be successful within the phenomena. Like okay, find a new analogy.

So let's break this shit down. This is why I love talking to engineers because engineers love to break their shit down. So Molly, you are talking about finding a new analogy. So one of the analogies that I am very drawn to his nature so if you follow my instagram or my Facebook, you will see that a lot of the things that I talk about and a lot of the images that I provide are of nature And that is because I believe that nature which I've actually probably never actually told my audience, so I should probably shouldn't exactly expect them to read my mind about it, but that we can see ourselves in nature as we slow down, we can see the imperfections, we can see the the uniqueness, we can see that not for anything happening around a flower will fucking bloom in the crack of a sidewalk. Right. And so I think that there are so many analogies in nature, and that one works for me. And obviously Kleenex and mom pocket pockets is another analogy. And then another analogy that I have Sorry, I'm just on an analogy, Ron, that I use often with the people in my life are, I call it behind the cold room door. And that is something that we can chat about another time. But that's about how we literally package up things that happen in our lives that we don't want to deal with, and put them on a shelf. Mm hmm. I think that those kinds of analogies may actually work for some people. What analogies do, you often find yourself drawn to.

So a lot, especially talk about the brain, a lot of computer analogies, just being a operating system. And and when you're when you're running code, so a whole bunch of code and computer analogies, but when you're, when you're running a program on your computer, and it's it breaks, or it's not the program you want to be running, you don't actually have to go analyze all the old code that's in there that you don't want anymore, you're like, I don't need to know that I have mine slip on there. And I don't play Minesweeper anymore. All this stuff, like all you have to do is figure out what you do want and erase the old one and put the new one in. And we spend so much time gathering detail about the old program, we don't want any more. And you don't need any of that information to erase a program. What you need is a ton of information about the new program you're going to load. And we're we sacrifice our time in analyzing the old program, all the reasons it didn't work, all the reasons that we did type the code we did all the things that it happened with, you know, all the past all this stuff. We spent so much time thinking about that, figuring it all out. And then we're like, okay, cool. Now push, delete, push the one button that you could have pushed at the very beginning of the process. Now you delete the whole thing. Now, what do you want? And that all that time, we didn't spend saying, what's your goal? Who do you want to be? What kind of body Do you want to live in? What kind of relationships do you want to have? How do you want to spend your time and your day, we didn't spend any of that time thinking about the new programs and new code we want to run in the life we want to live. And so it's it's neither good, nor, nor bad. But you could spend your time on something that you're eventually just going to delete and get rid of anyways, or you spend your time putting the detail on the new thing that you're going to create. Because if you're going to need that detail in order to create the thing.

And you know, I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. And a lot of us can you can see that. That, you know, if you are in the mind of science and you're thinking in the realm of code, it's like yes, yes, yes. And, and if you're in the realm of even turning on your computer to write an email, you already know what you need to do to write the email. And then you trust yourself that you're going to get the email written, because you know what you need.

Yeah, yeah, and these so there's, there's like another computer code analogy I used to have, like these habits that we have are their multistep habits, like I have a thought if I'm, if I'm at home, and I have a thought in my head. So I am out of groceries, I need groceries. So like that one thought triggers me to like, find my keys, find my purse, put on going outside shoes and clothes and to go to my car, get my grocery bags, like it triggers this whole series of things that now happen because I was like I'm out of eggs, and it's breakfast time I have to go do all of these things come home, put the groceries away and then so it's like really like one thought that triggers all of that. And if somewhere in this whole process of behaviors, I don't end up getting the eggs and coming home and getting to eat the breakfast that I wanted. Something has gone wrong and this whole chain of actions functions that are supposed to happen one after the other and and since like it's all triggered from one thought we think it's all like bundled together and the first thing you would do in a computer program if I pushed you know execute computer program and it stalled or gave me out a bullet baloney answer and and I was like that is obviously not that's wrong. I would put print statements throughout the code I would go in and I would say, hey, instead of just giving me one final answer at line 100, why don't you tell me what you're thinking at line five, and then line 10. And I'll just double check to make sure that I agree that that's what you should be thinking at line five and line 10. So we can do like the same thing. Like if I have this behavior, what maybe like the eggs isn't a good example because like we we all generally know how to feed ourselves with food that we like, we don't really struggle with that. But like if it's make 100 sales calls, or it's, it's make a post on Instagram or something for your business that you find yourself procrastinating on, you're like, well, I need a I need a print statement. I need some feedback from migrant brain. Before we get to the stall that procrastinating I need to know what what happened at some higher lines of code. And we can so I use my journal is like my print statement. I'm like, okay, brain obviously, something stalled and happened before you put your your film of your face on Instagram, saying a thing. So like, what, where did we stall? Did we know what we wanted to say? Did we did we feel like our you know, it was a good thing to say, did we have problems with our face today? Like let's break down like where did the thing stall out so that I can troubleshoot that specific line of code. And my problem isn't procrastinating? My problem isn't I don't understand how to use Instagram, or they updated the app and move the button. The problem is something else.

Oh my god, Molly, I love I love, love, love that. My own point, you just described my own personal experience. If you've been following my instagram at all, I have literally gone from posting almost no rails to almost exclusively reels in the last week. And I thought I was procrastinating on it. And then I was like, well, the algorithms, I don't even understand the algorithms or care. But I started using that as one of my excuses. Like, it was quite incredible, actually. And then I went through the whole Well, you know, I just I just don't know what to say. Or like I had all of these layers of excuses. And then I realized I had like 25 reels in my drafts. And, and there was something holding me back from just putting them out. Right. So it was literally like you were describing going through those lines of code. When I hit that line, I was like, okay, Tanya, like be real with yourself. You're making excuses. What is this really about? Yeah, yeah. Right. And that's where that moving into. You know, for me, I recognized it was about judgment. I'm fucking terrified. Every time I put out a video every time I put out a podcast, and quite honestly, it's why these are just starting to go on to YouTube. I'm fucking scared. And, and I've had so many people say, you seem so comfortable. And I'm like, I'm fucking scared. I've just said it every single time. Feels like I'm setting myself up for judgment. And it's that decision to do it anyway. And it's like, okay, for me, it was recognizing some of the stories. I was telling myself from conversations that I've had with people in the past, right and going that shit, like you said, That's old code. Like reality is as I'm here right now. Anyone who chooses to judge is going to judge and I can't do anything about that. Anyway. What I can hope is that what I put out lands on the hearts of enough people, that it's still fucking worth it. And stop period. Yeah, good news is is I needed to land for one. My job is done. Right. And that's that code. But like you said, breaking it down. MOLLY Oh, my God had I not broke it down. I still probably wouldn't be posting.

Yeah. And that decision point of like, alright, so you recognize the line of code where we're getting stuck. It's I don't want to post because I don't want to get judged. And now in order to get past that, I can see like kind of two, two forks. There's two ways to get past that. One is alright, people are going to judge and I'm going to not care I'm going to be okay. And I'm going to be me and I'm going to be happy with me. They may whether they judge or not. And I'm going to keep going and that gets you past it gets you past that decision point. The other fork past that decision point is I remove I remove other people's ability to judge me I remove that power from them and I take it back and I say like you You don't give you the function, I don't give you the button judge yes or no, I take, I don't put all the stuff that I put out, I don't put with judgment buttons next to it, even though Instagram literally puts a button next to it for everybody to judge it and give you that feedback. But you can energetically be like, I'm not putting my own, you know, in your own like live stream, you're putting out that you're not actually putting that button on it, and there to it, they'll both get you past it. And depending on which one you go down, you might continue, like if you, if you say like, alright, people can judge me or not, every time you get to a decision point, you might run into the same procrastination or the same stickiness over and over and over again. And at some point, you could find, alright, to get rid of the stickiness, I need to take the I need to take the other people's ability to judge me away and realize you don't have it. And then you don't have to go through that stickiness at every decision. Right.

Exactly. Exactly. And, and that is those little what the fox that may be sometimes big what the fox, like those sticky points are exactly it and this is. And this is exactly Molly, why I wanted to have you on on on our podcast is because it's about those bits about unstacking those, and recognizing that it might be layers, but but that with each layer comes a different level of freedom if you're moving in with your life with purpose and intention. And you know, when you say like remove the button. You know, that can mean actually exiting relationships that don't serve you. Right? And it's like you don't, you don't have the option of judging, if you choose to do that in your realm, that's fine. But you don't have the option of judging with me.

Right. And when you remove the button, and I think this is where some people would call this law of attraction or manifestation, but in my scientific analogy, I would call like, remove the button when I take the button away. And I say I don't accept I'm not accepting input of like, what do you how do you think I look today? How do you how do you like my analogies? How do you like my coaching, I'm accepting this input, the people who insist on, on on using that button on people, they get themselves out of my life, because it's no fun for them anymore. You know, they're like, I can't find the button, I keep trying to push something and then there's nothing there. And they're like, they move on to somebody else that they can hold a bar to, and somebody else is just jumping over their hoops. So like it's, it stops being fun for them. When when I don't do that. And they just get themselves away. And I and you know, and vice versa, the good, you know, the good ones come and the ones that don't go and it's all it's all a reflection of what I've decided, like the code I've decided to publish.

And oh my god, I love it. It's all decided on the code you decided to publish, which is basically when you're living in your truth, when your authentic intention intentional, and fucking truly love yourself. Right? And that, you know, I love I love your code analogies, because then I'm like, Okay, so let's talk law of attraction. That really is saying, I'm attracting positivity into my life. And I'm giving positivity into my life. And guess what, like attracts like. So all that negativity, all that bitterness, all that judgment, all that, you know, all those negative things start to literally repel from you. And the people who are bitter are going to fuck off. Because it's like you said not fun to be around someone who won't play their bitter game.

Yeah. Yeah, and I don't have to, I don't have to filter them out. I don't have to identify, they will self identify because they're bored and they'll leave. Or they're uncomfortable. You know, like confidence makes people who try to make you unconfident, uncomfortable and they leave. I don't even have to like I don't even know who they are. They don't show up anymore.

It's so awesome. It is so awesome. I absolutely love it. So Molly, you used to be an aerospace engineer. And you left aerospace engineering to pursue life coaching. Yes. So

i i So as an engineer, I'm solving technical problems and I have this I have engineering long before somebody gave me a piece of paper saying engineer I've had engineer brain and it's it's this breaking things down procedural steps. How does stuff work like physically mechanically taking things apart? Taking you know, then I learned code I take code apart i Figure Figure out how stuff works. My brain is like really happy and figure out how stuff works. And then I'm Sitting in a company like a really large aerospace and defense, old, big company, working on airplanes, and, and parts, and I realized just through this whole series of corporate stuff that anyone in corporate life might think is really funny, but I won't go through the whole thing. I was like, our problems are not mechanical, the problems with the airplanes are not mechanical, like the mechanical problems are so easy to solve. When the right when the right motives are present in in the engineer and the team and the company, in the industry in in everything when all the moat right motives are present, then mechanic. It's not hard to solve mechanical problems. And there's armies of very talented, educated and intelligent engineers in all disciplines that are very capable of solving these technical problems. The real problem is the the environment of the company and the decision, the decision making mechanism in the company. And whether that decision making mechanism allows, I don't know, I, it came down to like a corporate culture thing, wherever it were, the corporate culture is, hey, creativity flourishes here where the corporate culture is, new ideas are welcome, you get new products, where the corporate culture is, that's not how we do things, we've never done things that way before, like, stay within the standard work, follow the instructions. If you're following the instructions, you're never going to make a new invention. Even if the words posted all over the walls are like we innovate here. And like our corporate values, our innovation and create new things. And our goal here is to generate intellectual property every quarter. But you can only generate new intellectual property by following these instructions that were written in 1975. Like, you're not going to write that those don't align. And so and the problem isn't, you need to push your engineers harder. The problem is you need to change your corporate culture, to allow innovation, or whatever it is that whatever it is that you say you're wanting, if you're not getting it, you're not actually doing something, that's where those print statements come in. All right, like So up top, you said, I want this, then you did all of these things. And at the end, you didn't get it. We need to put print statements in and see what are all these things, you're actually doing that you're not getting it and this isn't the job of a mechanical engineer, or a systems engineer, or I tried data science, I was like, let's bring data into this. Let's inform these decisions with data. And, and then we can actually kind of print like literally go through and see like, this is where we've said, and the data says we're doing it. And now the data has deviated from what we've said. And so like this is where we can actually identify, we've gone off, and the organization was still like, not, you know, they're not in the analogy with, they're in an old analogy, you know, not in my analogy. And so I was like, This is what I want to do with with, not necessarily with companies, when I'm like this is, as an engineer, this is the process that I want to understand this is the mechanism I want to work in. And that mechanism is in people's in people's brains, and it's running people's lives. And so it turns into a life coach, even though from my perspective, I'm actually working on the same exact problem I was as a mechanical engineer, or a data scientist, I'm just called a life coach, and I'm really working on the same problem.

And you know, I think what's really cool is, you describe the work you do is mindset engineering. And I love that because it, it shows that anyone can say that it's too complex, it is too complex to fix. And what you're saying is, is actually, if we break it down enough, we can figure out where things started to go off, and start, you know, reworking the code from there, right? Or recognizing that that code is code that we need to scrap and work on actually scrapping that code entirely. But in the meantime, we have to keep building the code forward, what do you want, and that's why that's why I, I coach, that's why I use my social work, you know, credentials and degree to do coaching. And that's why it I chose not to become a therapist, because it is about that four word code. It's, it's where do we you want to go? What do you want to create? Right, and that kind of code is the juiciest, right like, yeah, no matter what, where you are, right? So it's both directions to

and that's the that's the starting from scratch. To me, that's art. It's an it's creativity. And it's, it's starting from scratch. And it's new for a lot of us. And, and a lot of us, I mean, definitely myself included, wasn't that wasn't a muscle I, I used our exercise I, I took I took existing things apart. And that's the opposite of saying, What do I want? And how do I build it? It's the opposite skill. And so when I recognized that I needed to be going the opposite direction, I was, you know, all the education aside all of the thinking of practice all of the stuff that I had strengthened my brain with before it doesn't at all apply. Because it's all in this, taking it apart, which is like analyzing the past, you know, I'm great sitting there, finding all the things that have gone wrong. In the past, it's the same engineering brain of taking a broken thing and figuring out how it how it broke. But it's a totally different thing to say, well, I want a thing that doesn't break, I want a thing that does a different thing. And building, inventing it, creating it, building it up from scratch,

oh, my god, oh my god. So I whoops, I just bumped my desk. analogies, okay, I have to offer an analogy. And I really think that you will be able to respect this one as an engineer, okay. Yesterday, I let my mind go down a rabbit hole, because this is what I do when I'm out walking. And I was thinking about LEGO. And, you know, there are some really spectacular sets, we have some really cool sets, you know, and I look at some of the really, really large ones, and, and any Lego kit that you purchase, you get the picture, you see where you're going, it's pretty fucking clear. In fact, you can look at different pictures of it on the box from different angles. And then you can even get your phone. And you might even be able to get a 3d of it, or some kind of video of it or whatever. If if you're if you're going to invest in like a four or $500 kit, that's going to create this spectacular, beautiful thing. And you're gonna build it, you get to see very clearly what it is ahead of time before you invest. And that's what and that's what that four word coding and planning is, is getting really clear or manifesting Call it what you will, yeah, at the end is getting so fucking clear about what you want, that you will create that or something better.

Yeah. And that's so in the like the person the role that creates that picture. So infinite Legos and the whole university and create any picture you want. And there's Legos all over the place you can bring in to build it. So the person who can draw that picture of what you're building, that's the leader. And that's the role we all need to be taking in our life. What we've been like that is, and that's difficult, and we haven't really been taught how to do that what we've been taught is how to manage. And the manager is the person who says, Alright, somebody give me a picture, it can be a picture of anything, just give me a picture, and I will make that picture happen. And I can have it on budget on schedule on on time, bigger and smaller, and like all these things, and they like just please somebody, give me a picture. And I'll make it happen. That's management. And most of us are running around doing that. We're like, what is a career that matters? And what is a career that pays I have this many bills, what's a career that exceeds this money bills, and somebody hands you a picture and you go make that picture happen? And and we've just totally lost this leadership role that that somebody needs to be drawing pictures for ourselves.

Right, exactly. And and you know, like, the kid is beautiful, because you have the picture. But who creates that picture is a really important question. And I love that you talked about the infinite, the infinite possibilities with millions of Lego all over the world. Because that's exactly it, right? Like, if you want to create a life, make sure you know that what's in that box is what you want. And if not, find the pieces to start building what you want once you've got the picture in your mind of what you do. Right? And be very clear that coaching does not make us the manager of the picture.

Right away teaching you the skill of drawing your own picture, and you can draw whatever picture you want, it's just that in all of school, for most of us all of childhood, all excess work experience, we've never been taught the skill of drawing a picture for ourselves. And people are trying to get around this. And they, they're like, oh, but the infinite puzzle pieces, the infinite possibilities is too much. And they're like, Please, somebody just give me five pieces. And then I'll do a different skill, which is iterating, I'll put them together and all the different factorial number of ways you can assemble five pieces together. And then I'll pick which one I like best. And they're like, Well, I can do that, because that's a model of working hard. And I will work really hard, do all of that, and then pick the best option. And that's what they that's what they know how to do, instead of drawing a picture. And it's actually so much harder to work that way than it is to draw the picture and you're so much limited, you're limited with whatever five pieces or whatever number of pieces you asked for. Now you've cut your supply off for the rest of your life, because you don't want to learn a new skill to draw a picture and then use the infinite resources.

I love that analogy to see

the world is there always good. Legos is always a good place to be. And,

and you know what, what I think is so cool about Legos is that I think we can all relate to them either as in our own childhood or with our own children, or as adults who admittedly love Lego. And I haven't played with Lego recently. So it's time for me to get a kit again, obviously. And origins free play. That's the other thing. We often say, oh, I should just get a kid. And it's like, haven't you got a been a Lego? Maybe it's time to free play? Oh, I think it's time to free play. There we go, obviously. But these analogies are ones that really also offer us different angles of insight into our lives. Right.

Yeah, I think so.

And it is about getting clear about that construction, the construction of what you want in your life, building the code forward, deciding, you know, I want lots of sunshine and choosing lots of yellow blocks. Right? You know, I want a lot of space. So putting down plenty of those big green mats, recognizing maybe that means physically, maybe that means emotionally, maybe that means relationally. Right? But getting really clear about what those pieces of your life are, and continuing to get the pieces that you want. And I think that's the other elements of coaching that is so powerful. Like, how do you help your clients get clear about what elements they want? And how to start piecing them together? Yeah, and usually,

so once you're kind of aware of what's going on, in in the brain. And that people are, people are saying these things out loud all the time. They're saying, I really want this, but and then they say a bunch of stuff after it. And then they live by the like, post but statements, right. And what they really wanted was like the pre budget statement, and and if you're listening on their behalf to their brain, like that's what as a coach, like I'm not, I'm not in any kind of position of of knowing what you want. Let's see, I have to help you draw that out. And I'm not in any kind of position of like judgment of what you want or not, I'm just helping you understand and hear the words that you're saying that you do want and reflecting them back to you. So people will say like, Well, I really I really want to be a leader in my company. I really want to make more money I want to move up in my company but I don't I want to be home by five I want to be with be with my kids. I don't want to sacrifice my personal time in my daily work life balance. And so they they'll start sabotaging their career. And I'm like, Well, you've so when I when I hear that and I talked talk them through this as well, you you've made this assumption, you've made a rule inside your own code for yourself that it's either or you have to exchange career success and financial money for time with family and you have to exchange the two and there's like a pie and the bigger one wedges the other small. I'm like that's a bad analogy. Right? That's not it. This isn't a pie relationship. This is like, I don't know, just an infinite like there's no Infinite have both. And, or it can be, or you can make an analogy for yourself that you're like, well, these go up together, they're tethered. And the more success I have, the more life more I can live my life, you will define these relationships for yourself. So by defining it as a pie, now you have to act and make choices either or. But if we go back, and we redefine, that's not that code, that analogy isn't working, we don't want it to be written that way, constrained that way in the function we write for ourselves. So I constrain it differently. I say they go, I say, they go together, the more satisfied and productive I am at work, the more recharged I come home, because I'm excited about all this work I did. And I come home excited to do live more life with my family. And then I go back to work excited and invigorated from family and I bring that passion to work, then I bring that passion home. And it just like, because you've defined a new relationship for yourself, and, and so I help them see, like, you said, these two things, and then you put a black between you put like a fulcrum between them that you can only have one or the other, I'm like, we're not gonna we're gonna make a difference.

Oh, my God. Okay, so we have to talk about that really quickly, because you talked about fulcrum, and when you talk about fulcrum, I come back to balance is bullshit, right? And as you were talking about, you know, everything going up together, right? Like how we shift that mindset, it is that fulcrum, it's like, you know, if I have family obligations, you know, then those are, you know, I need to be able to keep family obligations and work level at that to them as to everyone is balanced, right. And instead, what, what I think we need to do, like balance is bullshit. As long as you're aiming for balance, you're running back and forth constantly trying to, and people are always adding things to either side of that fulcrum. But like you said, if instead you consider it as like a container or an elevator, like, let's take the seesaw off the playground, and let's get in an elevator, everything goes up together.

Yeah. And balance, only the concept of, of balance, like, these things doesn't exist. Like when we're talking about Legos. And we say this, some people say like, there's a model like just hey, just give me five Legos. And then I can choose three of them will be work Legos and two will be work at home, like, you know, life Legos, like all divided like that, it only works you're like I like I can't concept, I can't, I don't have the skill of drawing my own picture. And therefore I can't play in the infinite Lego box with all the Legos, I need somebody to give me a subset of Legos. And then I can try to balance and in the infinite Legos there, there is no, there there's there is no imbalance because there's there's infinite sets and infinite possibilities and infinite wish and desire and everything that you want. And as soon as we allow ourselves the skill of drawing our own picture, and we can leave the tiny container where we only have a subset of things that we have to budget and manipulate and balance and trade off. And you just leave that container in that toy altogether, and you go into the infinite one. Now the concept of lack and balance is those aren't even things that you you need to work with anymore. And your only way into that sandbox is learning the skill of drawing your own picture, setting your own goal, choosing your own identity in life. Yeah, just as take it out of the analogy a little bit back to like, applicable,

and then taking the steps forward. But I think it's also recognizing, like, on that fulcrum on that attempt of balance. Lots of times other people put shit on there, and we don't even recognize it's there. And then and so and so what I often like to to do with clients in you know, in a very first session is help them recognize what if they got piled on there? What's theirs what somebody else's just like kind of take a basic inventory. And when you take that inventory, then it's like that fresh startup, okay, which pieces of this do I want to take into my new container, which is the elevator which is going up? Like what do I want to take me and, and, and recognize that what you leave behind is a gift for someone else? Hmm. Because when we, for example, say no to someone, we often really think that we you know, especially in volunteer roles or those kinds of things. It's like, we go into this space of if I don't do it, like they need me or I've always done it, they're counting on me all of those things. And and maybe that's not something that should be going up in your elevator forward, but can stay in the playground for someone else to pick up. And it might be one of the missing pieces that they didn't even realize they've been looking for. Because you've been holding on to it so fucking long. Yeah. Yeah. Right, like that perspective around. Around letting go to I think it's an important piece of constructing forward. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, just hauling around junk and back to the original back to the original analogy of tissues and the man pockets. Calling around round old junk

old chunk. Oh my god. Okay. This has been such an incredible conversation, my friend. Mindset engineering mindset hyphen. engineering.com is where our right? Yes. Okay, mindset engineering.com is where our listeners will find you. I know that after this amazing podcast, Molly, they are going to be looking forward to talking

to you. I look forward to talking with everyone.

Thank you so so much. Do you have a closing thought you want to share with our with our listeners?

Just be me be excited, be excited. And be curious because all of those things that are getting you excited and curious you can have you like it's it's really exciting. And I'm excited for my own journey. I'm excited on my own journey every day and I just get excited for all the people I talked to to

I hear your sister Oh my God, be excited. And be curious and enjoy the journey. Enjoy the journey, my friends, thank you for listening to lighten up and unstuck your What the fuck? This has been an incredible conversation with Molly Brown, and mindset engineer and engineer and life coach and a beautiful human. Thank you Molly. Thank you. Until next time, friends lighten up on stuck you're WHAT THE FUCK and I love you.