Shownotes
In a world much like our own, a mail carrier suddenly discovers she’s been cursed to become a were-chihuahua.
Today’s story is the second and final part of “Suddenly Chihuahua” by Ian Madison Keller, who wrote the Changing Bodies series published by Fanged Fiction and edited Shark Week published Rainbow Dog Books, and you can find more of his stories on madisonkeller.net.
Last time, Juana is trying to figure out how to deal with her curse as well as track down Chicken Nugget, the chihuahua that she thinks cursed her.
Read by Dirt Coyote, lately of Twitter dot Com.
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https://thevoice.dog/episode/suddenly-chihuahua-by-ian-madison-keller-part-2-of-2
Transcripts
You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.
Speaker:This is Rob MacWolf,
Speaker:your fellow traveler,
Speaker:and Today’s story is the second and final part of “Suddenly Chihuahua”
Speaker:by Ian Madison Keller,
Speaker:who wrote the Changing Bodies series published by Fanged Fiction
Speaker:and edited Shark Week
Speaker:published Rainbow Dog Books,
Speaker:and you can find more of his stories on madisonkeller.net.
Speaker:Last time, Juana was trying to figure out how to deal with her curse
Speaker:as well as track down
Speaker:Chicken Nugget, the chihuahua
Speaker:that she thinks cursed her.
Speaker:Read by Dirt Coyote,
Speaker:lately of Twitter dot Com.
Speaker:Please enjoy “Suddenly Chihuahua”
Speaker:by Ian Madison Keller,
Speaker:Part 2 of 2 I wasn't
Speaker:yet confident in my ability to remain calm,
Speaker:in-control, and, most importantly,
Speaker:human for the entire working day,
Speaker:however the bills wouldn't pay themselves.
Speaker:I repeated my mantra meditation exercise that I'd practiced-- a mal tiempo, buena cara --
Speaker:and headed for work.
Speaker:The black lab barked at me again,
Speaker:but a quick reassurance that I would respect his territory boundary
Speaker:mollified him. He barked goodbye to me as I left.
Speaker:That made me stop and smile.
Speaker:The dog had been more polite than most of the humans I'd had to deal with during my years of delivering mail.
Speaker:Rather than ignoring the next dog on my route,
Speaker:I stopped, introduced myself,
Speaker:and explained that I was delivering mail to her owners and would leave as soon as I was done.
Speaker:I felt a bit silly,
Speaker:talking to the fluffy, white, basketball-sized
Speaker:poof that passed for a dog at this house,
Speaker:but I left the mailbox with a smile
Speaker:and the feeling that I'd just made the little dog's day.
Speaker:By lunch time I'd actually started to enjoy myself,
Speaker:but then I got to Nugget's house.
Speaker:I scowled down at the pile of letters in my hand,
Speaker:debating with myself on what would happen if I just tossed them
Speaker:over the gate and went on with my route.
Speaker:However, I didn’t think
Speaker:"sorry, ma’am, I didn’t deliver their mail because they have a tiny, ugly Chihuahua that bit me and now I turn into a dog when I get upset"
Speaker:would fly with my supervisor.
Speaker:No sounds came from the house,
Speaker:but that didn’t mean anything.
Speaker:My eyes never left the dog door as I opened the mailbox by feel,
Speaker:slipping the letters inside.
Speaker:I backed down the walk,
Speaker:but nothing happened.
Speaker:The house was still as a tomb.
Speaker:Only after the gate was latched firmly behind me did I relax with a sigh.
Speaker:I twisted my hands together,
Speaker:realizing they were shaking,
Speaker:so I settled down cross-legged on the sidewalk and did breathing exercises
Speaker:until I felt settled enough to continue on with my route.
Speaker:I passed by an alley
Speaker:and a stray poked his head out from between two trash-cans and growled a warning at me.
Speaker:"Hi there," I said, stopping,
Speaker:but not looking directly at the dog.
Speaker:The dog’s head vanished from view.
Speaker:I shrugged and continued on.
Speaker:I couldn’t do anything if a dog didn’t want to talk to me.
Speaker:I caught sight of the stray again
Speaker:a few blocks away.
Speaker:I recognized the distinctive white spot around his eye,
Speaker:so I knew it was the same dog.
Speaker:He shadowed me for several blocks before slinking away.
Speaker:My bag was empty,
Speaker:so I headed back to my mail truck for another load.
Speaker:I unlocked the door
Speaker:and swung the empty bag inside before climbing up after it.
Speaker:"Ouch," a squeaky growl came from where the bag hit the floor.
Speaker:Halfway inside already,
Speaker:I twisted and leaned over to grab the canvas,
Speaker:flinging it away to reveal Chicken Nugget crouched between the seats.
Speaker:I barely had time to wonder how he'd gotten inside before he lunged.
Speaker:"Charge!" he howled, leaping at my face with his fangs bared.
Speaker:I yelped and flinched back,
Speaker:flinging up my arms to protect my face from Nugget’s snapping teeth.
Speaker:Teeth grazed my arm
Speaker:and he bounced off to land on the driver’s side seat.
Speaker:The hit jolted me back
Speaker:and my feet slipped on the edge of the door frame.
Speaker:I tried to grab the seat but my hands slid right off the slick plastic covering.
Speaker:My arms windmilled as I fell backwards out of the door, screaming in surprise.
Speaker:I landed hard on my ass on the sidewalk with my arms flung behind me.
Speaker:My right wrist gave a popping crack as I hit
Speaker:and I gasped, the shock of it sending sparks of pain all the way up my back.
Speaker:I stood, but a growl from behind me made me whirl around.
Speaker:Four dogs advanced on me
Speaker:in a ragged semi-circle.
Speaker:I recognized two of them;
Speaker:the tiny, white poof
Speaker:-ball and the shy stray with the spot over one eye.
Speaker:My inner-Chihuahua reared up,
Speaker:telling me not to show weakness to the pack
Speaker:but I couldn't help but
Speaker:back away until I hit the side of the truck.
Speaker:Nugget appeared in the corner of my eye.
Speaker:He jumped out with a hop that was at once graceless and delicate.
Speaker:His four legs flailed through the air
Speaker:yet he landed lightly,
Speaker:like a dandelion seed
Speaker:buffeted by the wind,
Speaker:both out of control
Speaker:and light as a feather.
Speaker:"Nugget, call off your dogs.
Speaker:I have nothing against you,"
Speaker:I said, growling and showing my teeth in my best imitation of a dogs.
Speaker:"Then why keep coming to all our territories, invader?"
Speaker:Nugget sniffed. "And then you accuse me of cursing you?
Speaker:This is to give you a lesson.
Speaker:lesson." Without any further warning all five dogs advanced. A mal tiempo, buena cara,
Speaker:I chanted, trying to calm myself down.
Speaker:If I changed while the pack was on me
Speaker:I wouldn't stand a chance.
Speaker:"I'm just delivering things to your humans,"
Speaker:I said, slowly and firmly.
Speaker:The white fluff-ball halted.
Speaker:"She was nice to me Nugget.
Speaker:Most of the humans don't even interact with me.
Speaker:me." The stray cocked his head.
Speaker:"Fifi has a point.
Speaker:This human talked nicely to me earlier.
Speaker:We shouldn't attack her.
Speaker:her." He looked hopefully at me,
Speaker:tail starting to wag slowly.
Speaker:The two dogs stopped and looked at Nugget,
Speaker:who was trembling violently,
Speaker:ears pinned back to his head and growling.
Speaker:"But she humiliated me!"
Speaker:he barked. I kept my expression serious,
Speaker:but inside I was smiling.
Speaker:The energy was leaking out of the pack.
Speaker:"I apologize, Nugget.
Speaker:I've had a bad week,
Speaker:but I shouldn't have tried to blame you for it.
Speaker:it." All four dogs turned their attention towards Nugget,
Speaker:so I took the opportunity to sidle towards the truck door.
Speaker:I knew somewhere inside it would be a bad idea to turn my back on the pack,
Speaker:defused energy or not.
Speaker:I reached back, feeling out the edge of the driver's seat
Speaker:and then running my hand down until I felt my lunch bag.
Speaker:A few quick tugs got it free.
Speaker:My injured wrist throbbed,
Speaker:but I ignored the pain
Speaker:as unzipped the bag and pulled out the baby carrots I always kept as a snack.
Speaker:"Here you go," I said, tossing a fat carrot in the air.
Speaker:The stray caught it with a happy bounce in his jaws.
Speaker:Then I went around the ring of dogs, tossing one to each of them.
Speaker:They all began gnawing on the treats
Speaker:except for Nugget.
Speaker:"I'll bring better snacks for each of you tomorrow,"
Speaker:I said, suppressing a smile.
Speaker:"Consider them payment
Speaker:for allowing me brief access to your territory.
Speaker:territory." The stray finished his first.
Speaker:He cocked his head at me, lifting one ear,
Speaker:and then at Nugget.
Speaker:"Consider it done." Fifi and then
Speaker:the other two dogs barked their agreement.
Speaker:Nugget snarled, clearly unhappy,
Speaker:turned up his nose at his uneaten carrot,
Speaker:and went racing off.
Speaker:The stray lunged forward and snapped up Nugget's carrot with a single crunch.
Speaker:"More tomorrow?" the stray asked after he finished crunching the last carrot.
Speaker:"Yes, more tomorrow,"
Speaker:I assured him. Fifi and the other two dogs wagged their tails,
Speaker:satisfied, and trotted off after Nugget.
Speaker:The stray came up with his ears pricked forward
Speaker:and sniffed me gingerly before following them.
Speaker:Once I was sure they were gone
Speaker:I turned and stared at the truck,
Speaker:contemplating how I was going to finish my route with a sprained wrist.
Speaker:"Wow, that was something,"
Speaker:someone said. The speaker was close, but huffing for breath as if they'd been jogging.
Speaker:I turned and looked down,
Speaker:but didn't see any dogs.
Speaker:The sidewalk in either direction was clear as well.
Speaker:A person cleared their throat near the hood of my truck and I jumped, looking up.
Speaker:"Excuse me." A man stood at the front of the truck.
Speaker:He raised his arm and gave me a brief wave.
Speaker:He was sweating and breathing hard as if he'd just gone for a jog,
Speaker:although he was wearing slacks and a button-up shirt.
Speaker:"Didn't mean to interrupt,
Speaker:but I saw how you handled that pack of dogs.
Speaker:I was quite impressed.
Speaker:impressed." I blushed scarlet
Speaker:and faced him, embarrassed that I’d been so focused on looking for a dog
Speaker:that I’d missed him standing so close.
Speaker:"Oh, well, thank you.
Speaker:But it was no big deal.
Speaker:I know most of those dogs from my route,
Speaker:so I already had a rapport with them,"
Speaker:I said. "Still," he said
Speaker:and shook his head.
Speaker:"I thought you were going to get mauled.
Speaker:It's why I ran over here to help,
Speaker:but by the time I got here
Speaker:you had things well in hand.
Speaker:hand." He smiled and stuck out a hand.
Speaker:"My name's Rob." "Hi Rob,
Speaker:I'm Juana." I shook hands with him
Speaker:and only as he pumped her arm up and down did I realize I’d unconsciously given him my injured one to shake,
Speaker:yet my wrist didn’t hurt at all.
Speaker:I glanced down at my arm, where Nugget had nipped me during his surprise attack.
Speaker:The scratches he had left were already gone; all that remained to of the wounds were two thin lines of drying blood.
Speaker:In the movies the werewolves always had amazing powers of regeneration.
Speaker:I resolved to reread the Cryptid website about the werewolves when I got home.
Speaker:Rob was talking again and I tore my attention away from my miraculously healed arm and back to what he was saying in time to hear.
Speaker:"Would you consider
Speaker:freelance dog training?"
Speaker:I blinked at him in surprise.
Speaker:"Dog training?" "Yes.
Speaker:"Yes." Rob blew out a breath.
Speaker:"You took those dogs from aggression to tail wagging to eating treats out of your hand in less than a minute.
Speaker:I've tried everything to train my dog without success,
Speaker:but after watching that display
Speaker:I'm willing to give it one more try."
Speaker:"I'm sorry, I'm not--"
Speaker:"I'll pay you two hundred dollars.
Speaker:dollars." He pulled out his wallet and showed me a wad of bills.
Speaker:"I get off work in thirty minutes,"
Speaker:I said, trying not to boggle at the amount. #
Speaker:The Humane Society building was a
Speaker:big gray, concrete building sitting out in the industrial neighborhood,
Speaker:squashed between warehouses and factories.
Speaker:My husband and I trailed behind the girls, who pushed excitedly through the glass doors ahead of us.
Speaker:"Maria, Taya, slow down,"
Speaker:I called, but they were already pelting through the lobby towards the dog viewing area.
Speaker:"I'm still not sold on this,"
Speaker:Kirby grumbled. I smiled sweetly at him.
Speaker:"The girls have already promised to help,
Speaker:and I'll be around during the day to keep the dog out of trouble.
Speaker:I can even take it with me when I visit clients.
Speaker:You won't have to lift a finger."
Speaker:"About that. I can't complain about all the extra money you're bringing in or how much calmer you've become,
Speaker:but," Kirby eyed her.
Speaker:"Where did this sudden inspiration to become a dog psychic come from anyway?"
Speaker:I shrugged. "I told you.
Speaker:I just discovered I had this way with dogs and the rest fell into place.
Speaker:Now, hurry up, before the girls pick out a Great Dane or something.
Speaker:something." We passed through the lobby
Speaker:and entered the area with adoptable dogs.
Speaker:The girls stood two kennels down from the door,
Speaker:cooing over a big,
Speaker:fluffy Husky mix.
Speaker:The dogs' plaintive cries for help tugged at my heart strings
Speaker:and I wanted to take them all home.
Speaker:I did my best to tune them out.
Speaker:"Remember girls, small dogs
Speaker:only! We don't want to scare
Speaker:Bella when she comes to visit.
Speaker:visit." I shooed them away from the big, fluffy dog.
Speaker:They moved a few kennels down and stopped.
Speaker:"Wow, who's going to adopt
Speaker:that hideous thing?"
Speaker:Maria giggled, pointing at the dog further back in the cage.
Speaker:"O.M.G., it's looking at me." Taya
Speaker:wrinkled her nose.
Speaker:"C'mon, let's go.
Speaker:go." She grabbed her sister
Speaker:and they moved off down the aisle.
Speaker:I drifted over, curious to see the dog they'd so quickly rejected.
Speaker:A small tan Chihuahua was curled up in a tight ball against the back of the cage.
Speaker:It looked up as my shadow fell over it,
Speaker:revealing an off-center nose,
Speaker:an under-bite, and a comically large head with
Speaker:bulbous eyes. "Chicken Nugget?"
Speaker:I said with a gasp.
Speaker:"What are you doing here?"
Speaker:"Go away, human, don't taunt me about the loss of my family,"
Speaker:he growled half-heartedly at me,
Speaker:the fire gone from his voice.
Speaker:He got up and shifted, so his back was to the front of the kennel before laying back down.
Speaker:Tears pricked at my eyes.
Speaker:All the little dog had wanted to do was protect his family
Speaker:and they'd thrown him out.
Speaker:"I'm not here to taunt you."
Speaker:"Juana, who are you talking to?"
Speaker:Kirby said. I jumped and fell into the chain link
Speaker:front of the kennel.
Speaker:I'd been so focused on Nugget that I'd forgotten Kirby beside me.
Speaker:"I was talking to the dog,"
Speaker:I admitted, blushing.
Speaker:My heart had begun to beat rapidly
Speaker:and I could feel the tingling tightness in my skin.
Speaker:I reached out and wrapped my fingers through the metal diamonds,
Speaker:closed my eyes, and chanted. "A mal tiempo, buena cara. A mal tiempo, buena cara."
Speaker:"Is something wrong, Juana?
Speaker:You know I don't speak Spanish.
Speaker:Spanish." Kirby knelt down beside me
Speaker:and gently touched my hand.
Speaker:His touch helped me relax further.
Speaker:"It's an idiom. Literally it is
Speaker:'when things go wrong,
Speaker:keep smiling.' In English I guess it is close to
Speaker:'turn lemons into lemonade.'"
Speaker:To my surprise I felt the touch of a cold nose on my fingers.
Speaker:I'd shifted to look at Kirby while I explained my meditation mantra and
Speaker:when I glanced back
Speaker:I saw that Nugget had come over
Speaker:and was looking up at me
Speaker:with big, soulful puppy-dog eyes.
Speaker:"I'm sorry that I lashed out at you.
Speaker:you." Nugget stared up at me.
Speaker:"I only ever wanted to protect my family."
Speaker:"It's alright, Nugget,"
Speaker:I said. I was tempted to reach a finger through to pet the end of his muzzle that still rested against my hand,
Speaker:but I didn't want to disrupt the fragile peace between us.
Speaker:"I shouldn't have tried to blame you for my problems.
Speaker:problems." Kirby snorted and I knew he'd just rolled his eyes,
Speaker:although I kept my gaze fixed on Nugget.
Speaker:"Juana, honey, the dogs are not talking to you.
Speaker:Save your act for your clients, ok?"
Speaker:I ignored him and kept talking to Nugget.
Speaker:"Chicken Nugget, please accept my sincere apology for any trouble I caused you.
Speaker:you." Nugget pricked his ears forward
Speaker:and wagged his tail.
Speaker:"I forgive you, Juana.
Speaker:Juana." I suppressed a smile.
Speaker:He was forgiving me.
Speaker:"Thank you, Nugget,"
Speaker:I said instead. "You are welcome,
Speaker:dog-human," Nugget said.
Speaker:I spun on Kirby, who'd been watching me with a put-upon expression.
Speaker:I pointed at Nugget.
Speaker:"We're adopting this one.
Speaker:one." "What?" Kirby and Nugget both responded in unison
Speaker:and both wrinkling their nose
Speaker:in distaste. "You heard me,"
Speaker:I said, replying to them both.
Speaker:"We're going to be one
Speaker:big happy family.
Speaker:family." This was the second and final part
Speaker:of “Suddenly Chihuahua”
Speaker:by Ian Madison Keller,
Speaker:Read by Dirt Coyote,
Speaker:lately of Twitter dot Com.
Speaker:As always, you can find more stories on the web
Speaker:at thevoice.dog,
Speaker:or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker:Thank you for listening
Speaker:to The Voice of Dog.