Last time, Esten’s date with his local barista lands him in hot water when their evening doesn’t go as planned. Corey offers to walk himself home and when Esten returns to the coffee shop the next morning, Corey is nowhere to be found.

Today’s story is the second and final part of “Variables” by Roland Jovaik, who wrote this story as a submission for Roar 5, by Bad Dog Books. He hopes you enjoy listening to one of his earlier works and if you’re interested in reading more, he is currently working on reviving his SoFurry page where he will be posting any future works.

Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog.

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I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

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and Today’s story is the second and final part of

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“Variables” by Roland Jovaik,

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who wrote this story as a submission for Roar 5, by Bad Dog Books.

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He hopes you enjoy listening to one of his earlier works

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and if you’re intested Ain reading more,

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he is currently working on reviving his SoFurry page

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where he will be posting any future works.

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Last time, Esten’s date with his local barista lands him in hot water when their evening doesn’t go as planned.

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Corey offers to walk himself home and when Esten returns to the coffee shop the next morning,

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Corey is nowhere to be found.

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“Variables”

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by Roland Jovaik,

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Part 2 of 2 The next day Esten caught a glimpse of Corey

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loitering behind the counter,

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but the fox was quick to run to the back room when he saw the ferret coming.

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His escape was short-lived when his coworkers noticed his absence.

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When he did come out to serve Esten, Corey didn’t make eye contact.

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He looked down and to the side as he took the ferret’s change.

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The fox’s usual smile that Esten had grown accustomed to was gone

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and his chatter to the other patrons was limited.

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Esten watched carefully,

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tipping his coffee in that practiced motion while pretending to drink.

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All of the things that seemed to define the fox had vanished

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—the energetic flick in his tail, the smile on his muzzle,

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and the perkiness of his ears

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—ears that could touch the ceiling with his enthusiasm.

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It made more logical sense, he supposed,

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that the two of them not become romantically involved after all.

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Before Esten had thought to make the decision final,

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Corey stepped out from behind the counter with a carafe in hand.

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His eyes crawled along the floor with his ears stooped low.

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He didn’t approach Esten’s table,

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but the ferret managed to catch him making sidelong glances.

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Esten took another sip.

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Too many variables.

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May 28, 2014 10:45am

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– Exploration into the subject of dating has been unsuccessful.

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Participant Corey was not receptive to dinner and has grown distant.

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Due to recent circumstances it may no longer be favorable

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to frequent the coffee vendor downstairs.

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Esten tried throughout the day to complete just one of his many tasks, but whenever he sat down to work,

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his mind wandered to thoughts of his one failed date

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and Corey’s recent odd behavior.

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Was he malfunctioning?

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He couldn’t think of any other reason for his lack of concentration.

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When he checked, all of his internal tests passed flawlessly.

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Any external equipment gave him the same answer. So what was wrong?

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Esten plugged himself into his computer in an effort

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to complete his work sub-routines.

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The spreadsheets that appeared before him shimmered for a split-second.

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Esten shook his head

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and allowed the image to refocus.

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The cursor blinked,

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but nothing would come.

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His accounting contracts would just have to wait one more day.

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He unplugged himself from the computer and picked up

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The Art of Dating and Gun Maintenance.

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He flipped through the pages, but none of them offered any assistance.

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He set the book down and stared back at the computer.

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Much like him, it had been designed for the purpose of computing and, under the right conditions, learning.

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It wasn’t designed to malfunction,

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so why was he having such a hard time concentrating?

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His phone lit up from under his monitor.

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He plugged the small interface cable into his phone

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and closed his image receptors.

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The text message was from Corey.

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“So thats it huh?”

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Esten processed the message multiple times, but without context,

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the message was useless.

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“I don’t understand,”

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he wrote back utilizing a common English phrase he’d commonly written

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when he first learned about the various methods of communication.

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“I guess u wouldnt.

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figures u would be back to acting like nothing ever happened after a night like that.

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Do u care about anyone other than yourself?”

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Nothing in his life or the dating book had taught him about scenarios like this.

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He was unsure of how to react.

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Contrary to his diary, he had no interest in changing venues for his morning coffee.

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It was inefficient, unfamiliar

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and it took so much time to train new baristas to his morning rituals.

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He tried his best to formulate an appropriately objective response;

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“I do observe other people.

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Adapting is... difficult.

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I do not know what you want me to do.”

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He confirmed the message and sent it on its way.

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He wanted to understand, but the customs of people were difficult at the best of times.

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“Stop talking like ur a freaking robot!

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I want u to apologize, but its a little late for that.”

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The situation might be easier, he supposed,

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if Corey knew he was an android,

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but telling him was out of the question,

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and against his programming.

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He was supposed to adapt,

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mingle, blend in. From what he could tell,

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he was not doing an adequate job.

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“Apologies would not remedy what happened.

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I can take care of your dry cleaning as penance for purchasing the wine that stained your clothing.”

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The delay between messages was getting shorter.

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“U really dont get it.

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I dont want your money.

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I didnt want it at dinner

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and I dont want it now.

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i cant bar you from the cafe

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but don’t think ill be the one serving you.

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have a nice life.”

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Even with Esten’s limited scope of human behavior,

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he understood the finality of the message.

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He left the phone on his desk

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and went to his bedroom to recharge for the night.

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He would revisit the concept of dating another time.

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The next few days were spent finding a new locale to incorporate into his morning social routine.

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The search was more difficult than anticipated.

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Service elsewhere was

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slow, inefficient and apathetic.

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It was difficult choosing a new venue when the fox provided such a unique,

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favorable experience to his morning routine.

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Later that week he came upon a cafe with a bubbly ringtail

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standing alone behind the counter, who seemed more than happy to serve Esten his morning coffee.

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“Hi, my name’s Jessie. How can I help you, Cutie?”

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The cacomistle’s tail flipped up,

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threatening to fling fur everywhere.

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“Medium coffee, three-quarters full please.”

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Esten dug into his pocket for appropriate change, but the ringtail waved his paw

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and bounced over to the carafe behind him.

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“It’s on the house,

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but only if you’ll tell me your name,”

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he giggled. “Esten,”

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he replied, unsure how his name could hold any monetary value.

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“Nice to meet you. Are you new around here?

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I’d definitely remember if a mug as cute as yours came walking in here.”

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He set Esten’s steaming coffee on the counter in front of him.

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“I recently had to make new arrangements,” he stated before taking the coffee.

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The cacomistle whistled with a grin.

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“Troubles at home, Sweetie?”

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“No.” “Oh,” Jessie paused, but only enough long to write his number down on the back of a napkin.

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“Well give me a call if you need anything else, okay Hon?”

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Jessie gave another giggle

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and bounced away.

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Esten examined the number,

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guessing this might be another form of flirting.

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It seemed that his study of dating would to be resuming sooner than expected.

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Esten inspected the number for a few moments before dialing.

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The voice that answered was just as chipper as before.

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“Hellooo?” “Hi, it’s Esten,”

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he responded, unsure if he was supposed to respond to the

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elongated string of vowels in any particular fashion.

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“Hey Esten, calling already?

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Aren’t we the eager one,”

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he said with a giggle.

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“I wasn’t aware there was a set waiting period.

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Should I call back later?” “No,

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this is fine, silly.

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I like a guy who’s punctual.

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So what’s the plan, Handsome?”

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Esten hesitated,

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remembering what an apparent disaster his date with Corey had been.

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This time he would execute his plans effortlessly.

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“I was thinking dinner, if that would be all right with you,”

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he replied, finally.

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“Dinner sounds great.

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On you, right?” He giggled, perhaps a subtle hint at a joke,

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but not the kind that Esten was familiar with.

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“Yeah, sure.” He wasn’t sure what else to say.

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“Great! I’ll text you my address.

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Pick me up at eight, Handsome.”

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There was a click from Jessie hanging up before Esten had a chance to get a word in otherwise.

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He set the phone down and looked at his watch;

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six forty-five. Might as well get ready, he figured.

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By the time seven-thirty rolled around, Esten was prepared in a more casual manner than the last time,

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wearing only a clean, collared golf tee

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and blue jeans. The neck opened up just enough to show off

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a light tuft of brown fur and the sleeves stopped just short of his lightly toned biceps

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that had been crafted to his father’s design.

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Esten sent out a quick text after arriving at Jessie’s door.

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The ringtail appeared shortly after,

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wearing fur-tight jeans that did not look comfortable

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and a pink V-neck t-shirt that showed off

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more chest than seemed necessary to the android.

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Jessie’s eyes widened when he took note of Esten’s car.

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The feminine ringtail jumped into the passenger seat, curling his tail comfortably into his lap.

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His fur shone, luxurious and silky.

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It matched Jessie’s bubbly smile

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and energetic demeanor.

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Though the ringtail must have been considered

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incredibly attractive by normal standards,

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Esten found it paled in comparison to Corey’s gentle smile and subtle movements.

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“Nice car,” Jessie swooned.

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“So where are we going?”

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Esten remembered the trouble he had had with Corey over his dining plans and decided not to repeat his previous failed date.

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“I was thinking of someplace like Italiano’s.”

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“Yeah, that sounds fine.”

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Jessie agreed, but some of the enthusiasm had fallen out of the ringtail’s otherwise over-the-top demeanor.

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Esten looked over,

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concerned that he might have made yet another grave mistake in his planning.

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“Is everything all right?”

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“Yeah,” he muttered while looking out the window.

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Esten shrugged to himself, figuring the ringtail had no reason to lie if everything wasn’t okay,

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so he threw the car into gear and they were off.

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Italiano’s was a smaller Italian restaurant where business-casual was recommended,

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but not necessary.

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Among the rest of the patrons,

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Esten looked slightly overdressed for the occasion.

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“Evening, gentlemen,”

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an ocelot in a white button shirt greeted from behind the counter.

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“Two for this evening?”

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He already had the menus cradled in his arms.

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“Yes, thank you.” Esten replied.

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Esten waved the wine menu away once they were seated, though Jessie quickly snapped it back before the server could reach for it.

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The ocelot coughed

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and turned to Esten.

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“My name is Evan, I’ll be your waiter.

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Can I get you something to drink?”

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“Water, please.” He smiled to Evan as he opened the menu in front of him.

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Evan looked to Jessie out of the corner of his eye.

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“And for the Missus?” Jessie made the sound of mock-laughter.

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“There goes your tip,

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Mister. I’ll have a bottle of the house Merlot, and make it quick.”

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The ocelot wrote something down on his notepad

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while keeping very tight-lipped before turning away,

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muttering “charming little thing, aren’t you?”

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in a way that only Esten seemed to hear.

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Esten was confused where this lack of a tip would be coming from, since he was the one paying.

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As for the server’s comment, Esten supposed that, at a glance, Jessie could be mistaken for a woman of the flat-chested variety.

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The idea of Jessie as a woman made Esten smile.

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He recognized the feeling as ‘mirth’, though he wasn’t sure where this sense of emotion was coming from.

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However, this was a feeling he could get used to.

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Jessie didn’t have to wait long for his wine to arrive.

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The server came out with two glasses and set them in front of both Esten and Jessie,

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throwing a raised eyebrow in Esten’s direction.

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As the server poured Jessie’s glass,

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Esten decided he would have some wine, after all.

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When it came time to order,

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Jessie had picked the most expensive thing on the menu.

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Simply coincidence, Esten figured as he opted for a smaller appetizer.

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He had been designed to consume meals and beverages when the situation called for it,

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but there was no sense in ordering too much food he wouldn’t really enjoy anyway.

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His circuitry did, however,

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experience wine and alcohol as if he were flesh and blood.

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His ability to comprehend logic became muddled and finer tasks would have to wait until the effects had worn off.

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Unlike his previous date, Jessie appeared

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happy to speak with little input from Esten,

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though the cacomistle’s only concerns were fashion and celebrity gossip.

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Even with the help of his eidetic memory

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he had issues keeping focused on Jessie’s conversation,

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his mind drifting instead to what Corey might be doing tonight.

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It was irrelevant, considering he hadn’t seen Corey in a week

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and the fox was far from similar to his current date.

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“Oh, shit!” Jessie exclaimed

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and grabbed Esten by the collar, pulling him forward into an unexpected kiss.

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Esten tried to pull away,

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but Jessie’s grip was insistent.

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Jessie eventually let go,

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leaving Esten to fix his collar.

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Evan was standing awkwardly nearby with two dishes in paw.

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“Should I come back later?”

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He looked between the two of them.

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“No,” Esten said as he brushed the wrinkles from his shirt.

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“Thank you.” The ocelot set the plates down and

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quietly excused himself, glancing back to keep an eye on their table.

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Esten munched on his fried shrimp, not sure what kind of conversation would be appropriate after a first kiss.

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Jessie burst out into laughter, shattering the silence between them without notice. “Oh Esten, that’s hilarious!”

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He continued to giggle as he stuffed a scallop into his muzzle.

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Esten finished his first mouthful with

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some confusion. “I’m sorry?”

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“At least act like you said something funny,”

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he glared. “My ex just walked through the door and I want him to know what he’s missing.”

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Esten had never felt awkward during a smile before,

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but somehow it didn’t feel appropriate for the situation.

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He smiled nonetheless and nodded in acknowledgment.

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“The things I’m going to do to you when we get back to the apartment, dear, you won’t walk for hours!” Jessie continued

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with a shrill laugh that resonated through the restaurant.

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Esten looked around to the number of tables looking at them now,

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helpless to respond to the situation.

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He looked back to Jessie,

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but his attention was now turned to a snow white fox in a leather blazer

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with black dress pants who was approaching their table.

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“Amair, have you met my new boyfriend Esten? He’s such a charmer.”

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The white fox turned to Esten

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and looked him up and down.

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“Take it from me darling, you can do so much better.”

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With a shrug of his shoulders

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he returned to the podium at the front where an equally well-dressed wolf was waiting for him.

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Jessie scoffed and waved a paw, turning back to Esten.

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“Forget him, he’s totally jealous.

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Let’s eat, I’m starving.”

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Without another word the ringtail dug into his lobster and scallops,

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not making a single attempt at conversation until well after he was done.

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He wiped his lips and tossed the napkin on the table.

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“Man, I need a smoke. You’ve got the bill, right?”

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Put up, and they’ll put out.

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The words repeated in Esten’s mind,

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but Esten had sparingly little interest in “putting out” for the obnoxious ringtail.

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“Yeah, I got it,” the perplexed mustelid responded, but Jessie was already halfway out the door.

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It was only then that the ocelot returned

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and Esten felt a rise in his internal temperatures.

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“I feel like I should apologize.”

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The ocelot smiled and shook his head.

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“You have nothing to apologize for.

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Your boy toy, on the other hand,”

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he trailed off. “Look, it’s not my business,

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but there are worse things than being single.”Esten

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nodded while he reflected on what future dates with the cacomistle would be like.

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He certainly didn’t look forward to seeing him again.

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“Thanks.” Esten tucked a handful of bills into the ocelot’s hand

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and smiled. “Thank you for the excellent service.”

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“H—hey,” he stuttered as Esten turned to the door.

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“This is like, a fifty dollar tip!”

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“Yes, it is.” His smile turned to a grin as he stepped outside.

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Esten waved a paw in front of his muzzle as he walked right into a cloud of smoke.

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It left an unpleasant haze on his sensors

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“Was all of that necessary?”

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Esten asked, looking back to Jessie’s ex through the window.

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The question had been more of an inquisitive one than an accusation.

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“Are you kidding?” He seemed far more excited than the situation called for as he puffed excitedly on his cigarette.

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He was giddy and lashing his tail about.

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“Did you see the look on his face?

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He was totally jealous!”

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“If you say so.” Esten turned his head back to the restaurant,

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looking to the table where Amair and his apparent date

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were seated. He seemed completely unconcerned about the two of them as they stood outside.

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Esten couldn’t help but think about what both Amair and Evan had said to him before they left.

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Though he knew little about the intricacies of dating,

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he knew considerably more about things such as decorum

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and commonly accepted manners for acting in public, and Jessie was meeting none of those specifications.

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He simply nodded in between words

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as the ringtail laughed and blew smoke in the ferret’s general direction,

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fuzzing up his delicate nose receptors.

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Corey knew how to act appropriately, he thought.

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Even though their date had ultimately ended in tragedy,

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he’d never been vulgar towards Esten or anyone else.

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“So my place or yours, cutie?”

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Jessie said with a giggle.

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“What?” Esten blinked,

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jarred from distracted thoughts.

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He was forced, once again, to focus on Jessie.

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The cacomistle waved his hips from side to side

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and grinned broadly.

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“Whaddaya say we go back to my place and have some real fun, huh?”

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“Oh, yeah, sure.” Esten grabbed keys from his pocket.

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“What kind of fun did you have in mind?”

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He had a pretty good idea of what Jessie was planning, but hoped the cacomistle would change his mind, given the chance.

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“Don’t be coy,” he gave Esten a playful push on the shoulder.

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“You and I are going to do things that would make Satan himself blush.”

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“Satan is a statistical improbability—”

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“Don’t get technical with me, Mister!”

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He grabbed Esten by the arm

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and dragged him back towards the car, barely able to contain his excitement.

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Esten groaned. The cacomistle was insistent, and it was starting to become problematic.

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Jessie couldn’t hide his grin as they got into the car and drove off.

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Five minutes into the drive the effeminate cacomistle had unbuckled his seat belt

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and was leaning over into the driver’s seat,

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running a paw up and down Esten’s

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leg. “Please put your seat belt on,”

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Esten protested.

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“It’s not safe.” “Aw, come on sweetie.

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What do you say to a little ‘warm up’ session?”

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Jessie’s fingers trailed up the ferret’s legs,

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letting his paw come to a rest between Esten’s legs.

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His grip was rough and very unwelcome.

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Esten glanced down at the ringtail.

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He couldn’t adequately describe the feelings that were beginning to build inside him, but Jessie was quickly becoming someone that he did not want to be around.

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“Please stop what you’re doing.”

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“Just getting a little sample!”

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His paw squeezed again, the ringtail’s movements jagged and unrefined.

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“Sort of like a ‘try before you buy’ to make sure the package is any good.”

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Everything the ringtail did defied logic and reason.

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His lack of regard for anyone else around him was something that Esten greatly disapproved of.

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Hostile thoughts clouded his judgment

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and caused him to grit his teeth.

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He had had enough of the ringtail.

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If there was ever a lesson on what not to do on a first date, he was sure this was it.

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He couldn’t explain why,

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but the only thing he wanted at that moment was to talk to Corey,

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to apologize to him for things he still didn’t understand.

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“Let’s see what we’ve got here.”

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Jessie unzipped Esten’s pants

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and started working on his belt.

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Esten stomped on the brakes, sending the ringtail into the dashboard with a loud, pained yelp.

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The result made him smile, despite his frustration.

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“Get out.” “The nerve of you!

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First you slam me into your dashboard and now you’re telling me that I have to

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find my own way home?

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My house is miles from here!”

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“You were told to buckle up.

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As for getting home, that’s no longer my problem. This date is over.”

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Esten’s responses were short,

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the inflections harsh and unfamiliar.

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He was beginning to understand that

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what he felt towards the ringtail was anger;

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a concept he had studied,

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but had previously been sheltered from experiencing.

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“You are obligated to drive me home!”

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The ringtail’s hair was standing on end,

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his features wrinkled and distorted through his angry glares.

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He looked to the ringtail and slowed his words,

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making them careful and deliberate.

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“I believe they call what you did tonight sexual assault.

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If you don’t want any more trouble tonight, I suggest you find your own way home.”

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“You wouldn’t!” “I would.”

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The ringtail stepped out and slammed the car door shut

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before rubbing at the parts of his body

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that had become intimate with the dashboard.

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Esten drove, leaving the ringtail in his rear-view mirror.

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Once the heat of the situation had died down,

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Esten recalled the emotions he had felt, the raw and unfamiliar nature of them

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and what it meant for his programming.

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He still couldn’t explain why, but the urge to call Corey was now stronger than ever. “Hello?”

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“Corey, it’s Esten.”

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“I don’t want to talk to you.”

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“I’m sorry.” There was a pause on the other line.

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“What?” “I’m sorry,” he repeated.

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“I still don’t fully understand what happened during our date, but I want to see you.”

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There was another long pause.

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Esten could hear Corey breathing heavily on the other line.

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“I don’t want to see you.”

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Corey’s hesitation gave Esten the impression

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that the fox was lying, but only slightly.

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“I want to understand, Corey.

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I’m unable to stop thinking about you and I don’t know why.”

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“Unless you have a damn good reason for acting the way you’ve been acting,

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I don’t want anything more to do with you.”

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There’s only one way, he thought.

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But you can’t. The seed of doubt crept into his thoughts.

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Telling Corey went against the very core of his programming.

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There had to be another way.

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“I can’t tell you,”

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he whispered, though he didn’t mean to.

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“Then this conversation is over—” “Wait!”

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Esten listened for signs that Corey had hung up,

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that had terminated the call.

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Indescribable tension and nervousness flooded his entire being.

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His only purpose, he felt,

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would be crushed the moment Corey hung up that phone.

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He would do it, he decided.

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“I have something I need to tell you.”

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“What is it?” “In person.

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Please,” he begged.

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There was another long,

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contemplative pause. “Meet me

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at the shop in fifteen minutes.”

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Esten was downstairs in two.

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He had no reason to wait otherwise.

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The night was quiet and desolate, powered only by streetlamps and the few cars that drove by.

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He counted the minutes until Corey arrived,

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each one making him increasingly anxious.

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Eleven minutes and thirty-two seconds later,

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Corey arrived. “This had better be good, Esten.

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I had... company.” His ears flicked with a hint of shame as he said it.

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“I’m sorry. About our date,”

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he said, hoping that might be enough to appease the fox.

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“You don’t even know what you’re apologizing for,”

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spat Corey, obviously still bitter at how their night had gone.

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Esten tried to put into words

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what he was only now beginning to understand, though the explanation seemed intangible and unexplainable.

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He wanted to speak, to say anything,

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but his mind and his thoughts would not let him.

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He stood there in silence.

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“I knew coming here was a waste of time.”

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Corey turned from Esten and started walking.

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“Don’t leave!” Esten reached forward and grabbed Corey’s arm.

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“Let go,” Corey hissed. He pulled his arm away and started to walk faster.

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There was no way that Corey could understand

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—not without Esten going against his programming, to reveal his true identity.

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But somehow a life without the fox seemed like no life at all.

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His inexplicable attachment to the fox was undeniable,

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and regardless of what he had been programmed for, none of it mattered

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if the fox wasn’t there for it.

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“I’ll tell you!” He shouted loud enough that he was sure the people in the apartments nearby could hear him.

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Corey stopped and turned.

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“I’ll tell you,” he repeated.

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Esten’s body was trembling.

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He hadn’t been programmed for any of this. So what was happening to him?

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Corey walked back, still keeping his distance from Esten.

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“Tell me what? Why are you so desperate for my approval now?

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You sure as hell didn’t want it before.”

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I’m an android. I’m not flesh and blood. These were things he wanted badly to say, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

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The world isn’t ready, he told himself. Programming or not, the world simply wasn’t ready.

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“I’ve never been on a date before.”

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He regretted saying those words as soon as they left his muzzle.

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He felt silly and his ears pressed back against his head.

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Corey’s shoulders slumped

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as he breathed a sigh in disbelief.

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“That’s it?” “That’s it.”

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Esten looked away, embarrassed under Corey’s

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incredulous stare.

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“I’m sorry Esten, but that doesn’t really explain how you’ve been acting.

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I get that you’re nervous, but you were completely self-centered that night.”

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He trailed off, laying an arm across his chest to rub at his elbow.

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“I’m sorry about the restaurant.”

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Esten repeated himself to the point

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where he felt broken.

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He strained to think about what had gone wrong that night, for just what he was supposed to be apologizing for.

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“I didn’t listen to you, and I imposed on you at the restaurant.”

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These were still stabs in the dark,

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but if he thought hard enough he could begin to understand.

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“It’s a start,” Corey muttered.

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Esten stepped forward and before Corey could react

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pressed his lips against the fox’s muzzle.

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He sensed a brief

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flickering of Corey’s warm lips before the fox pulled back with a gasp.

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“Esten, what hell was that?”

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“I thought that was how one showed affection.”

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Esten’s ears flicked back against his head.

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He was so sure he was starting to get the hang of this,

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how could he possibly be so inept?

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Corey stepped back. “I can’t do this, Esten.”

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He turned and ran off into the night.

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Esten walked back to his apartment,

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defeated and confused.

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He hadn’t been able to convince Corey to stay after all.

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He had failed in his main objective, to blend in,

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to mingle as people often did,

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through courtship and dating.

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He sat in his computer chair, lost and alone.

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He shouted to the empty apartment before grabbing the wireless mouse on his desk

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and throwing it against a wall.

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Batteries scattered as the mouse exploded into several pieces underneath the windowsill,

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directly beneath the small wooden box his father had given him.

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He gazed at the box

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and its tauntingly plain exterior

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as his father’s words echoed in his head.

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“You’ll know when to open it, Esten.”

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Why was the box so damned important,

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and why wasn’t he allowed to open it?

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It had been so insignificant before, but now it insulted his senses,

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teasing him with yet another riddle he could not solve.

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“You’ll know when to open it.”

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“I don’t know what you mean!”

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His voice echoed off the walls,

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fading quickly into nothing.

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He grabbed the box from its perch

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and clutched it tight

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until the wood cracked beneath his grip.

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Everything made even less sense to him now,

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just like the rest of the world around him.

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Esten had no way to know when it would ever be the right time to open it.

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“To hell with it.” He popped the latch and opened the box.

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There was a lone slip of paper inside, a far cry from anything Esten thought might have been inside.

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He removed the note,

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observing that the scribble was his father’s handwriting.

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Esten, The very fact that you’re reading this means your journey is ready to begin.

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Your learning processes and natural curiosity,

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along with your ability to experience emotions, means you are ready to become one

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with the world around you.

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You may think that you are broken,

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or are experiencing a malfunction, but I promise

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that this transition is deliberate.

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I hid parts of your programming from you

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that were designed only to activate

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when you had matured enough to handle the ramifications of raw emotion.

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You have no doubt you’ve opened my present to you because you are alone,

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scared and angry.

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You’re learning how to deal with all of these traits on your own and I am so proud of you.

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I knew that when I designed you,

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I would never get to see you grow up and experience life for yourself.

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However, there was no question in my mind that you would reach maturity and grow into your own person,

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and what a wonderful person I imagined you would become.

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You will learn to experience love,

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to hold onto it and to never let go.

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Should you find that special someone,

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do not fail to tell them you love them,

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and to share with them your deepest secrets.

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This is what I’ve programmed you for;

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to experience the best of what life has to offer,

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in the hopes that you may one day understand how to share those gifts

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with the people you hold dear.

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I bless you with the gift of life, my son.

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Love, Charles. Esten crumpled the paper in his hand

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and sighed. The next morning did not come quickly.

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He knew time was constant, but nothing seemed to be acting as it should, and that included himself.

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His subroutines were a mess:

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tasks lay undone,

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papers weren’t organized, and Esten was being plagued with thoughts

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that he no longer controlled.

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Eight o’clock rolled around,

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marking the end of the morning rush at the coffee shop downstairs.

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Now was the time for Esten to make one last effort:

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to try and make Corey understand.

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Even if his efforts were doomed to fail, he had to try.

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Esten pushed through the door to the shop, making his way to the front counter

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and making eye-contact with Corey.

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Though Corey looked away,

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he did not retreat to the back as he had before.

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Instead he put his head down,

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not returning eye contact with Esten,

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as if trying to convince himself that the ferret was not really there.

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“Can I take your order, sir?”

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Corey didn’t look up, his fingers at the ready on the cash register.

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“Can we talk about last night?”

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“There’s nothing to talk about.”

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Corey gripped the sides of the register.

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“I think you should go.”

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Esten reached his hand out to touch Corey’s.

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He felt the fox’s muscles tense immediately and twitch,

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but he did not pull it out of Esten’s reach.

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“Look, I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last few weeks.

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There’s a lot that I still don’t know, but I was hoping that I could figure it out;

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with you.” The cash drawer interrupted the conversation with a loud ding

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and a harsh clang as it jutted out.

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“That’ll be a dollar forty-seven.”

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Esten patiently handed over the change,

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not taking his eyes off of Corey.

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Corey looked down at the till with his ears canted off to the side.

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Corey was silent until a line had begun to form behind Esten.

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He spoke, but in harsh, whispered tones.

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“What about your new beau?”

Please enjoy: 00:29:52

“I don’t know—” “Amair texted

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me during his date last night.

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Told me he saw his ex with someone that met your description.

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Couldn’t keep his lips off you, I heard.”

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“And I made him walk home after he tried to molest me in the car.”

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Esten squeezed Corey’s hand.

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“After all that, all I wanted was to call you.

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Please.” Corey pulled his paw back.

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“Look, I’m off at five.

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You’re holding up the line.”

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Traffic filtered seamlessly in and out of the cafe.

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Though Esten was always aware of the time, he found himself looking to his time piece anyway.

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A short, stocky cougar passed by,

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taking a sidelong glance at Esten.

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The ferret recognized him as the manager.

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“Busy day today, huh?”

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The passing cougar questioned,

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his tail flicking back and forth skillfully out of the way of any nearby tables.

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“Just a bit of unfinished business,”

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he said with a smile,

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waving his paw over the pile of papers in front of him.

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With a smile and a nod the feline turned back to his business,

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wiping down tables and paying Esten no mind.

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Esten passed the time by watching as people entered and left.

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The shop was nearly empty when five o’clock rolled around.

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Corey busied himself with some last minute duties before disappearing

Please enjoy: 00:31:07

into the back room. Time to tidy up.

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Esten shuffled his papers back into their folder.

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Outside the cafe

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Corey shifted his tail uneasily

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and Esten stood with his hands in his pockets, unsure how to initiate the conversation.

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Corey cleared his throat.

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“So.” “Yeah.” “You’re certainly persistent,”

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Corey said with a nervous laugh.

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Esten wasn’t sure what to say to that, so he simply nodded.

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“What do you want, Esten?”

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“A second chance.” Corey crossed his arms with a grumble.

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“You expect me to just give you a second chance after all...”

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He threw his arms up in the air.

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“Whatever you would call all of that?”

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Frustration seeped into Esten’s thoughts.

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He had done everything in his power to understand, to make things right.

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“I’ve done my best to understand what I’ve done wrong.

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I have apologized and I’ve groveled.

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In spite of all that has happened, I still want to be with you.

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Do you not feel the same?”

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“I used to,” he grumbled while looking off to the side.

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Esten took a step forward.

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“Corey, I don’t know how to explain how I feel about you,

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but I do know that when I’m around you, I feel...

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different. I feel complete.”

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He didn’t quite know what that meant, but it sounded like the right thing to say.

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“I know I’m not perfect,”

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at least he sure didn’t feel like it.

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“That’s an understatement,”

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Corey muttered. “And I’ve messed up.

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A lot,” he added. “But each mistake brings me to a better understanding of how my actions affect you.”

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Corey was silent, waiting expectantly for Esten to continue.

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“When you’re around,

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I feel like the day gets a little bit brighter.

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When I’m with you, I feel like I can be a better person.”

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Esten stepped forward

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and took Corey’s paws in his.

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When Corey didn’t pull back,

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he stared into the fox’s eyes.

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“Let me make it up to you.”

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The vulpine’s shoulders

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sagged with a sigh.

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Corey met Esten’s gaze with the slightest hint of a smile on his muzzle.

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“Alright, but let’s take it slow.

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slow.” December 20, 2014 9:45

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AM – The Christmas holidays are coming, and it will be the first year I’ve spent them with anyone aside from you, Father.

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It turns out Corey

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was the perfect candidate after all.

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I’ve learned so much about love and heartbreak,

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and I couldn’t have done it without the both of you to guide me.

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I love him, father,

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and I make sure to tell him every day.

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I understand now why you programmed me never to reveal my secret to anyone.

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I could never have truly understood the repercussions of such an act without knowing what I do today.

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I’ve decided that Christmas will be the day I tell him everything,

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and I pray that it goes well.

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I miss you, Father. This was the first of two parts of “Variables” by Roland Jovaik,

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read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion. Tune in next time to find out how Esten will complete his studies in the art of dating.

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As always, you can find more stories on the web at thevoice.dog,

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or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for listening

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to The Voice of Dog