Do you have all your needs met or do you feel empty inside, barely functioning always on the hunt for someone good to come along to cling onto?

If you are single or in a relationships it is so incredibly important to find out what your needs are and to weed through them

which needs are supposed to be taken seriously ?

which needs are residue from past pain that you are still clinging on to ?

are you fulfilling all your physical needs including sex ? or are you ssuccesfully running away from your basic needs as a human cause you have shame attached to them ?

Do you need strong distractions maybe even drugs or sex to fill a void but still feel unsatisfied afterwards ?

Also learn how much pressure and abuse we add to another person's life when we are not aware of the things we need in life in order to feel sane and good.

Let’s dive in and find out more about this juicy topic that will most likely affect you in one way or another. 

In this episode and many other episodes I touch on topics that I usually work on with my clients. Here in my podcast it will be targeted to a broad spectrum of people. If you'd like to go more into depth with a topic I address, reach out to me.

with love and much respect

Aurora

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No

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and welcome to the Borealis experience. I'm your host

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Aurora, life coach and companion on this beautiful journey called

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life. I hope you're doing well I hope you feel safe. I hope you

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enjoy yourself, I hope you feel good and your skin, I hope you

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have good support around you. And that life just is flowing

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easily. lightness is what I wish for you. If you don't feel

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yourself if you feel stuck, if you don't feel good, I sure hope

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that I can bring you love and inspiration, motivation. Most

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importantly, understanding, I hope that the people I talk to

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feel understood by me, that's my utmost core values. So to say, I

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really love to know that people feel seen and heard. So if

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there's anything you would like to request for future episodes,

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if you are on the fence of asking for a coach session, or

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wanting to stay in a loop of vicious circles. I can convince

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you, it is up to you. It has nothing to do with readiness,

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your ego will never be ready for coaching because your ego wants

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you to stay in the old patterns. It is your heart that has to

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long for a change. And with this desire, you messaged me and then

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we set up a sync call sync up call where you tell me how I

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could help you, I tell you how I could help you and we find out

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how long and which kind of path we're going to walk together. So

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all this to say, let's dive into today's episode, I have two

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snoring dogs next to me, and it's very hot out there. And

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they feel very comfortable in the cool house. And I do too.

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I'm happy I can make some time for this episode and spend some

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time with you and also for myself to rest and recharge my

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batteries and reflect a little bit. Recently, I think a lot

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about needs having your needs met. And this is why I want to

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talk about it today. In the last couple of episodes, I talked

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about your worth how your worth can't be touched by anything.

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And before that I talked about how to get a grip on your

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nervousness, anxiety how to feel more yourself again. So I would

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highly recommend that you go back to these episodes if you

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haven't listened to them yet. This podcast is kind of a build

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up. So you start with season one and work your way through season

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23456. Now seven, and you will feel gradual growth, gradual

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insights and you will hopefully that's my mission and my vision.

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Get to know yourself on a way deeper level than you knew

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yourself before you started my podcast. So having all your

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needs met. How can I say that? I'm pretty certain that you can

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have all your needs met. You might think Ah wow, I got weird

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needs. I got so many needs or I got a few needs but they're very

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special and nobody's out there to fulfill these needs.

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What I learned along my journey is first of all you have to have

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your own back.

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You got to be a detective and find out if your needs that you

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have come from Place of genuine authenticity. Yeah, if you

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fulfill that need, it is truly to be yourself become more

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yourself or nurturing your soul and your heart. Don't worry, I'm

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not going to keep talking. So spiritually, I'm going to go

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right to the meat. But for now, let's put it that way. Or if

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your needs are slight addiction are a coping mechanism, residues

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from trauma, maybe from a breakup, maybe from a loss,

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maybe from something that has happened in your teens during

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your childhood. And you feel that this need, like, the more

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you cling to a need, the more chances there are that this need

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is not healthy, that something needs to be healed. In order for

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you to let go of this need, like people really develop not only

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like physical ailments, but also tics and habits that they cling

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on to after a traumatic event. And I want to make very clear

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that a traumatic event doesn't always mean that you're involved

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in a car crash and all your siblings, your whole family

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dies, a traumatic event could have been back then when your

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mommy dropped you off as a four year old in kindergarten. And

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all of a sudden, you were in a new environment with strangers

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left alone. And no matter how your nervous system reacts, you

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might readily register it sorry, as a traumatic event or as

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something exciting. People are very different children are very

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different. Our nervous system is very unique to ourselves. So

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trauma is also very unique. My trauma might have never touched

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you in any way. And your trauma and your coping mechanisms can

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be totally Yeah, hard for me to understand how you can suffer

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from something that is not really important to me. Yet, we

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have to have that empathy, to understand that people are wired

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very differently, even our siblings. So going back to your

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needs, is your need genuine, authentic to your blueprint, or

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is it a coping mechanism? Right, I hear sometimes from my clients

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when they enter the sessions as a couple. The one person is

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saying, Well, yeah, well, I would like to have sex 10 times

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a week. But my partner is not into it, we only have six, two

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times a month. And I don't really like this, I need

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something else. So the person might have either totally

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healthy sex drive, or might be struggling not struggling in

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this case, but might be dealing with a sex addiction, and is

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putting the pressure of having his or her needs met on to his

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partner, her partner. So in this case, we would have to go back

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and find out okay, where does that strong sex drive come from?

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Is this your natural self? Or are you overcompensating for

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something and your partner's suffering because you make them

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feel not enough the whole time. And of course, your partner is

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going to start avoid you and run away from you because you're

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demanding something that they can't fulfill. And nobody wants

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to be in a relationship like that. I'm going to stop right

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here because relationship coaching is a way different

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topic. But I hope you get my drift, that some needs are

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simply not natural,

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and are way too much for another person to fulfill. In a

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relationship. We're not in a dependency but in an

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interdependent relationship where we need each other, but we

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can't abuse each other to fulfill each other's needs. We

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have to be very conscious about who we are Once again, the

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better you know yourself, the healthier relationships you will

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have, because then you will exactly know, shit. I'm dealing

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with a sex addiction. And I have to be careful to not overwhelm

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my partner, I have to find a way to heal, and to set expectations

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that are healthy towards myself and towards others. So first

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thing you look at your needs. Second thing, once you've done

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the detective game, you need to look at how you can fulfill your

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own needs. And now please Don't roll your eyes. Because I did

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that for probably a decade or longer. I thought, I just can't

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fulfill my needs, I need other people. I need friendship, I

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need relationship, I need romance. Otherwise, I don't feel

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I exist, and especially my needs, they can't get fulfilled.

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If I'm not in a strong connection with a person. What I

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was doing there was not only under estimating how much I

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could meet my own needs, but also putting the people in my

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life under pressure to always having to fit my needs, and

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otherwise was guilt trip them or make them feel shitty about not

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being a good friend. How horrible is that? Yeah, I feel

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lots of shame for this. Until I found out, damn, I gotta heal, I

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gotta, you know, I'm clinging too much to people, I need to be

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okay with being alone. I need to start meeting and fulfilling my

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own needs. And it is very much possible. If you start with your

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body, first, your body needs sleep. Most importantly, if you

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don't get enough sleep, please go see a therapist, a doctor

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asked me questions. Sleep is so incredibly essential. Next, you

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need water, you need food, you need shelter, you need to feel

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safe and good in your environment. And if up until now

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you realize shit, I'm not not even fulfilling those basics,

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you have to start there. Because your body will keep signaling

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you that you're not doing enough and that you are not imbalanced,

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not healthy. And this will deeply affect your mind. We go

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further into your relationships. Do you feel supported? Do you

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feel seem to you feel heard? Do you feel understood? Do you have

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friends that you can have fun with but also talk? Real talk?

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Are you close to your family? Did you make peace with your

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family? Or are you running around escaping from family

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events? And feeling like there is a huge hole inside of you?

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Because nothing really could replace your family so far? So

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do you need to work on forgiveness? And then we go

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further into your job your workplace because you spend so

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much more time at work then sometimes with your family and

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friends? How satisfied are you there? Are you chasing and

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pursuing your purpose your dreams? Or are you just getting

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the job done for a paycheck? Right? The more we have our

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basic needs met and feel good in our life. The less we need,

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right we need so much. We need distractions. We need fancy food

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we need junk food, we need alcohol, cigarettes drugs, when

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we are not satisfied, but the more we are satisfied the less

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we need, the better companions we are as well. So going back to

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the list, we were stuck at your workplace.

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How do you feel in your city in the talent? Do you feel

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connected? Do you feel a sense of belonging and if you're not

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we need to work on this. Because if there is a big hole, you know

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like in a Swiss cheese you can only have so many holes and if

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you have too many holes, it's just too painful. So we have to

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fill the holes from the bottom up. Your Foundation has to be

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strong And then you will see that you will get less needy,

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that you can meet your own needs. And it is from that

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place, that you can be this awesome radiant person who

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attracts people that are awesome and radiant and loving and

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giving. And situations that are just so expansive and awesome.

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But you have to do the work first, there's no way around,

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and you cannot run around and expect from your friends to fill

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your holes because they have their own holes to fill, it is

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not their job, they were not born to fulfill your needs, you

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can fulfill them first. And once you know who you truly are, you

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will meet a person if this is what you want. And then comes

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the third part, the communication, you will learn

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how to be extremely confident in communicating your needs. And

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the person in front of you will know shit, that person is

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serious. This is what he needs. This is what he wants from a

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relationship. Right? You will not be in a position anymore,

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where you like, Oh, thank God, this person is dating me and

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hanging out with me. Because I hate hanging out with myself

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anyways, I want to be distracted by another person and I want to

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be serving a person I want to be a provider. Nobody wants to fill

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that hole, it's too much. People are gonna keep running away,

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ghosting you, you will not be able to make sense of why people

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are rejecting you. Because you are too much. And I'm really

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scared of saying this because I know some of you might be

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listening and already feeling. I'm too much my problems are too

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big. I'm not enough, I suck. I don't find my place in society.

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But please understand that if you sit with yourself and become

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really radically honest with the stuff that you keep carrying

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around or running away from the stuff that still makes you sad

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that you can't let go off that this is what makes you feel not

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enough. It is not the people around you. It is not the

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constant situations that you run into when you feel at the end of

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the day, everybody rejects you and nobody wants you just

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because you haven't done the work on yourself. And at the

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same time, isn't that so beautiful that you don't need

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any drugs, you don't need anything outside of you not even

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for sex, we haven't talked about sexual needs, you don't need

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another person to have your sexual needs met. I want to go

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so far that you don't even need porn, you have your own

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imagination, you have chances are two hands 10 fingers, if

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it's nine fingers, eight fingers are just five, you could still

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use them wisely when it comes to pleasure. And you can learn to

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pleasure and appreciate yourself on a level that no one ever did

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before. Because you didn't allow them maybe or maybe they were

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just not the right fit. You have to give it to yourself first.

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And then you can go out there and share with other people from

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a place of

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self reliance when you don't need the other person but you

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appreciate the other person. And this is how people are gonna

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stick to you when they know that and that they're not fulfilling

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some kind of weird role. But that they there because you just

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love their companionship so much. And you learn from them.

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You listen to them, and you're just excited to be around them.

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And it is not some weird notion of I have to rescue that other

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person. I have to feel like a provider because otherwise I

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feel useless. No, you can't do this. You have to meet the

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person on neutral grounds and then explore from there, which

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kind of roles you both are interested to play. And during a

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relationship that can also change. You just talk about it

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your ex pressive about it. You notice things and then you talk

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it out. All right, I'm gonna leave you with this. That was a

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lot. I got really passionate. I love to get passionate with you

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because I care so much about you. I care so much about people

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looking at themselves and seeing the mess they're sitting in and

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then sorting through it decluttering and becoming clear

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and radically honest with themselves. That's the most

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beautiful thing for me to witness. So I'm going to leave

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you with this. As you know, this is a donation driven podcast,

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there's a link called buy me a coffee in the show notes. If you

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have a couple seconds, please click that button and get me a

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cup of coffees for me to keep this podcast sustainable. Of

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course, I'm not going to buy myself coffees that money goes

Unknown: 00:20:57

right back into this podcast. And yeah, I'm very excited to

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connect with you connect with me on Facebook or Instagram, Aurora

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coaching or simply Aurora Eggert and I will be out there for you

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very soon again, I show up for you calm constantly. And I'm so

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excited about all the feedback I received. You guys are awesome.

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I appreciate you and I'm so grateful to be on this path with

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you. take really good care. Bye bye