[18+]

Erian must delve into dark, primal magic in service of They Who Asks for Advice Then Complains About It.

Today’s story is “Satan, Dearie” by B. P. Rugger. This story first appeared in the Dancing with Devils anthology. If you like their writing, their first novel, The Quantity of Desire, has just been released and the audiobook version is narrated by the incredible Khaki.

Read for you by Khaki, your faithful fireside companion.

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https://thevoice.dog/episode/satan-dearie-by-b-p-rugger-18

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Today I'm reading an adult story for mature listeners.

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If that's not your cup of tea, or if there are youngsters listening,

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you can skip this one

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and I'll have a new story for you next time.

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You’re listening to The Voice of Dog. I’m Khaki, your faithful fireside companion,

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and Today’s story is

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“Satan, Dearie” by B. P. Rugger.

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This story first appeared in the Dancing with Devils anthology.

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If you like their writing,

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their first novel,

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The Quantity of Desire,

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has just been released

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and the audiobook version is narrated by the

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incredible Khaki [feel free to make a joke here. Something like, “I think he’s overrated” or “Hey! That’s me!”].

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“Satan, Dearie”

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by B. P. Rugger Purple tendrils of dark magic wrapped themselves around Erian’s antlers

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then clung to the velveted

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bone. The magic sank through their skin

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and seeped into their blood,

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binding its power to Erian.

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Erian desperately willed the magic away, even though they knew it was hopeless.

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They writhed, they bellowed, and they dug their fingers into the dirt.

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But the dark magic didn’t even slow

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before it burrowed

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deep into Erian’s skull

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and enveloped their brain.

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The purple tendrils stalked the deer’s mind like a cat:

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they pounced on any coherent thought and consumed it.

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Erian couldn’t think.

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They could only feel.

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And it felt like hellfire.

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The evil magic burned through their flesh.

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It scorched every follicle of their brown beard and seared their breasts.

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It engorged their belly then blistered through their kidneys,

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liver, and lungs. They gasped for air,

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but the magic gave them no space to breathe.

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Finally, the purple tendrils

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delved through their legs and arms,

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then dug through their keratinous hands and hooves

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and erupted into the cool night air,

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slithering off into the darkness,

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connecting Erian to an unseen

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web of power. Erian

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had survived. “There you go, dearie,”

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Gertrude said, patting the side of Erian’s head.

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“All better now.” Erian groaned and their mind cleared.

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They looked into the kind old St. Bernard’s eyes, the blue clouded by cataracts.

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“Hell, it never gets any easier, does it?”

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Erian asked. “Lord of Darkness hex me, I wish it did!

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After fifty years, it’s still a struggle.”

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Gertrude’s thin voice carried in the dark forest,

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echoing slightly

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off the leafless trees.

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“But it’s all part of serving Satan, dearie.”

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She smiled, her loose skin wrinkling around her muzzle,

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and her tail wagged, the grey fur flecked with brown.

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Erian tried to sit up,

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but collapsed onto their back.

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“Have a slice of apple pie, dearie,”

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Gertrude said. “Young little things like you need to eat to grow strong.”

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She opened a container that held a large pie,

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and Erian could see another two containers beneath it.

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The smell hit Erian’s nose

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almost as hard as the magic had:

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a bouquet of fall sweetness and buttered pastry.

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“Hopefully, I’ll need that strength tonight,”

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Erian said with a smirk

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as Gertrude handed them a slice.

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Erian bit into the pie;

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the crust flaked on their flat teeth and the apples melted on their tongue.

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It filled their mouth with sweet juice

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as the hint of spice blossomed,

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earthy and ethereal all at once.

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Getrude poured so much love into her pies,

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and the results were indisputable.

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Of all the witches in all the worlds,

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Gertrude had always been the best

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pieromancer. Erian took another bite and savoured the flavour.

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Their strength slowly returned as they prepared to unleash their lust,

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love, and desire, all in service of Satan.

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“Hello,” a voice sang out in a low timber,

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holding the note.

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“Hello,” sang another voice, in harmony.

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“Hello” sang a third,

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completing the chord.

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Erian groaned. The three parts of Agamic had arrived.

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Agatha, Sam, and Eric

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strode into the dim moonlight of the clearing.

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Sam’s golden coat shone in front

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—the retriever was always eager.

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In the middle, Eric the panther was a mere silhouette in the darkness.

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Behind them, Agatha’s head

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towered over her two husbands,

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the grey wolf broad and powerful.

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“It’s a pleasure to serve you today,” Agamic

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said. Then Sam leaned left,

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Eric leaned right, and all three brought jazz paws up to their chests.

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“And Satan!” they shouted

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with far too much smug enthusiasm.

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Gertrude clapped her paws together.

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“Oh, marvellous, simply marvellous, dearies.

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I’m so glad you could join us.”

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Erian smiled and waved. Agamic’s relentless clowning was annoying,

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but Erian had first-hand experience of their devotion to They

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Who Walks Slowly

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While Taking up the Whole Sidewalk.

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“I have pie for each of you,

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though you may want to wait until after initiation to eat it,”

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Gertrude said. “Oh, sweet Gertrude,”

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Sam said, stroking her wide face with his paw.

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“I could never resist your delectable pie.”

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“He means your ass,”

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Eric whispered loud enough to summon a demon.

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“You can’t let me have one nice moment, can you?”

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Sam pouted. Eric rolled his eyes.

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“Nice moment? Did you forget we’re serving They Who Leaves Dog Poop on Your Lawn?”

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“What’s the point of being evil if you can’t do it with style?”

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Sam asked “Style?” Agatha hollered.

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“Is that what you call your constant horni—” “Agamic, dearies, please,”

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Gertrude interrupted.

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Her thin voice cut through the night.

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“Why don’t we perform the initiation and then all of you can have a slice of”

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—she wagged her ass

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—“my pie.” Sam’s ears perked,

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and his tail flicked through the grass.

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“Promise?” “Of course, dearie,”

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Gertrude said as she laid him on the ground.

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Then she placed her paws on his head

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and went to work.

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Erian walked over to Agatha.

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“Ready to free yourself from the bounds of good propriety and follow your evil passions wherever they lead?”

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“I’m going to talk to so many furs wearing earphones,”

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Agatha said. Erian groaned

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and laid Agatha on the ground.

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They took her paws in their fingers,

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reached down inside themself for the dark magic, and sent it through their arms

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and into Agatha as though they were one flesh.

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They swirled the tendrils around her muscles

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as Agatha’s back bucked

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and her foot-paws dug into the ground, fighting against the intrusion.

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But Erian absorbed the energy of her struggle

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and used it to bind the tendrils to her.

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They directed the magic

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through Agatha’s belly

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and legs, then into her brain. Erian wrapped the tendrils around her thoughts

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and tied her very mind to the magic.

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Finally, the magic had completely suffused Agatha,

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and they sent the purple tendrils into the dark clearing.

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Agatha lay panting silently

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—for once. Erian smiled,

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their ears flicking.

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“Have a slice of pie.

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It’ll make you feel better.”

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Agatha slowly rolled over,

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then crawled to the containers beside Gertrude.

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Meanwhile, Erian laid Eric down

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and took his paws in their hands.

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Then they directed the magic through him.

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It was never the same,

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not even with the same fur.

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They had to flow the magic into whatever made the fur feel alive in that moment.

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Angels had their chiseled tablets with their dos and do nots,

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but they just muddled into whatever felt right and hopefully pleased

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They Who Sneaks Anchovies in your Pizza.

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Sometimes, Erian wished

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Satan would send a demon down to say,

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“Keep up the evil work,”

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or at least, “You’re on the evil path.” But Satan obstinately felt that that would miss the point of being evil.

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And, OK, it would miss the point.

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Erian followed their passions.

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That’s why they were here,

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and not in those stifling sanctuaries of dead data.

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Even elders only taught what invigorated their students in service

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of They Who Folds the Corner of Pages in Library Books.

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Still, on occasion, it was frustrating. Erian had what they hoped was an excellent plan to wreak havoc on the forces of good

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using tonight’s dark magic.

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But they could say it out loud and have everyone look at them

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as though they had been sainted.

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Erian finished binding Eric to the dark magic

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and sent the tendrils out to join the rest in the darkness.

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Eric groaned, and Erian helped him to his feet.

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Eric steadied himself against Erian, and said,

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“My head feels like rubber that’s been put in a blender with turpentine then shit out by a demon.”

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They patted him on the shoulder.

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“For a triad committed to evil and bad jokes,

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y’all sure do whine a lot,”

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Erian said. “Too much whine?

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Guess we’ll need to cork it,”

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Agatha said, sitting down with her pie. “Ugh.”

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Sam took a bite of his pie.

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“This is incredible.

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Worthy of They Who Talks During Tense Scenes in Movies.”

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Getrude swished her tail happily.

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“Oh, now, my pie isn’t that special,”

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she said. “A pinch of nutmeg, a dash of lemon juice, and a healthy dose of freshly-killed angel bone dust.

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The trick is to convince the angel you’re going to repent right before you add the wet ingredients.”

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She laughed. “Could you imagine, dearies? Me,

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praying for absolution?”

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“Praying for cock, more like,”

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Agatha murmured. “Heyyo!” Eric and Sam said. “Agatha,

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please!” Gertrude cried.

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Her eyes were wide with pain,

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and her tail drooped in the grass.

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“As you well know, I also pray for pussy.” *

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Soon, Agamic had finished their pies and went off to initiate the other witches who arrived.

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A few more minutes passed,

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all the pie was eaten,

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and the coven was ready to go.

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Erian could feel the magic pulse.

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The purple tendrils bound everyone together,

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and each thought sent ripples along the web.

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Like a spider, Erian could trace the expectation and lust that shivered along the strands

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and into their body. “Well, dearies,” Gertrude said. “It’s time to group up!” “Shotgun Erian!” Sam and Eric cried.

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They took a few steps toward Erian before they realised Agatha

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had not joined them.

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They turned to her, their heads cocked.

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“Actually,” Agatha said,

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“after having two men pound away at me all week, I want a woman’s gentle touch.”

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She smiled. “Gertrude,

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would you be so kind?”

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“Of course, dearie,”

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said Gertrude.

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“You split the party!”

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Eric shouted. Agatha glared at Eric.

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“If you don’t want me to split the party, then maybe you shouldn’t bite down on my clit when Sam knots

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you.” “She’s got you there, Eric,”

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Sam said. “In my defense,

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if you asked me whether anything’s better than being knotted by your husband while you eat out your wife,

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I’d say”—Eric grinned

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—“there is not.” “Well, then you’ve tied yourself in a corner,” Agatha said. “Because I’m at the end of my rope.”

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Eric stared at Agatha.

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“We’re going to have to tell our DM about this,” he said.

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“Without Agatha’s barbarian,” Sam said,

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“your warlock is gonna fall flat on his face because he can-trip.”

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“Oh, and your bard will do better?”

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Eric asked. “What’s he gonna do, serenade the bandits while they rob him?”

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“No one would dare rob a bard,”

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Sam said. “They’re too poor for it to be worthwhile.”

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“Too real,” Eric said.

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“Abso–lute–ly,” Sam said.

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“Dearie,” Gertrude said commandingly,

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“Erian.” She managed to wrest attention from Agamic.

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“Do you want Sam and Eric today?”

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Gertrude was a stickler about consent.

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Her first husband had not been

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—that’s how she found

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They Who Drives Well under the Speed Limit in the Passing Lane.

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Erian sighed loud enough that Sam and Eric winced.

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“I guess. They may be idiots and lack a decent sense of humour,

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but at least they’re cute and know how to wash their ass.”

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“Himbo powers!” Sam and Eric shouted as they chest-bumped each other with enough force

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that the smack could be heard in the deepest pits of hell.

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Then they sauntered over to Erian with a smile.

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“Is everyfur partnered?”

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Gertrude asked.

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“We want to harvest a lot of black magic today for evil.”

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“And Satan!” Agamic cried, the effect of their jazz paws muted by their separation.

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Gertrude soldiered on.

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“Jerry, dearie,” she said,

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looking over at the white rat standing by himself,

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“do you have a partner?”

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Jerry swallowed. “Um,

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actually,” he said,

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“I think I’ll generate more magic by, uh, watching today.

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today.” Agatha tsked. “It’s so hard to find good, honest folk who enjoy evil, black magic orgies these days.”

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“What’s next, Jerry?”

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Sam asked. “Missionary?

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Waiting until marriage?”

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Agamic shuddered in mock-horror. “Now dearies, we all have our own way of serving They Who Leaves Urine on Public Toilet Seats.”

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“Yes, mom,” Agamic said.

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Gertrude ignored this.

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“Now, let’s get started, dearies!”

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she said, then clapped her paws together.

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Erian watched Gertrude cup Agatha’s face,

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then turned to Sam and Eric.

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Erian’s stomach fluttered,

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and they decided to break the tension the best way they could.

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“Call me a panini,”

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they said, “because I’m gonna be pressed between two hot chests.”

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It wasn’t the greatest joke—but it was prophetic.

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Sam and Eric pressed against Erian from either side.

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Sam and Eric’s cocks emerged from their sheaths

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and pressed against the lips of Erian’s vagina and the crack of their ass.

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Sam kissed their neck from behind,

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sliding his paws around Erian’s lithe torso

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and cupping their small breasts.

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Eric pressed his body against Erian,

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trapping Sam’s paws against them.

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Erian wanted nothing more

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than to be used by each of them.

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But this was not for fun.

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This ritual would help bring about an end to goodness everywhere

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and make the kingdom of evil incarnate in the world.

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They felt the purple tendrils of magic coursing through their body,

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and let themself dissolve into the web.

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They could feel Gertrude’s cock in their mouth.

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“That feels so good, dearie,”

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she whispered into their ear.

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They could feel Agatha’s tongue sliding under the head of their cock

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and stroked her face gently with their canine paw.

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They could feel their white rat’s paw around their cock, and their other paw pressing against their ass as they watched everyone.

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They could feel everyone in the coven,

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a bull horn in one paw, a fox’s ass in another,

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hard lionine abs beneath their fingers, and the soft underbelly of a hippo squishing in their grip.

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It was overwhelming

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and they wanted more.

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They felt their mind fracture

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and pushed the pieces out into the web.

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No longer were they Erian,

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but the shifting thoughts of the web connecting the entire coven.

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They willed their arm out, and their black, feline paw grasped their antlers,

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the rough skin rubbing against the pad of their paw.

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They pulled themself in deep

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for a kiss, their short rough tongue rubbing against their long thin tongue.

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They saw their sloping shoulders from behind and sank their canine teeth into it.

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Their teeth slid through the fur and bit into their soft

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flesh. Pain blossomed,

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and they gasped against their muzzles and shoulder.

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Their feline paw

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pushed their head down by their antlers.

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As they stared at their spined cock,

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they felt their mind groping for words,

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and provided them.

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“Time to go to work, little deer,” they said in Eric’s voice.

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Then they pulled themself onto their cock,

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their muzzle slamming against their hips.

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The head of their cock pushed through the back of their mouth, their spines rubbing against their throat.

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Their fluffy, retriever tail

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wagged as they gagged.

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They felt their knotted cock harden

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and rubbed it against their shoulders

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as they leaned toward their panther self.

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Their antlers pressed into their bellies as they kissed above themself,

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feline and canine muzzles locked together.

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They pressed their two tongues against each other as they swirled their third around the head of their cock.

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They wrapped their arms around each other,

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their brown, keratinous fingers on Eric’s ass, their golden paws on Eric’s shoulders, and their black paws around Sam’s back.

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They pulled as tight as they could,

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their antlers digging further into their torsos,

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their tongues sliding deeper into their mouths, and their cock burying in their throat.

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They felt their knot inflate

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as the tip of their canine cock pressed into their black fur,

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and their shaft rubbed against their brown shoulder.

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Then they slid their feline paw down to their yellow ass

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and raked their claws along it.

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Their muzzle yelped around tongue

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and their throat closed around cock.

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They trailed their black paw down along their canine side,

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their claws digging into flesh.

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Then they brought their black, panther paw to their cervine throat.

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They squeezed, hard.

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Already lightheaded from breathing around cock and tongues, the world quickly shrank around them.

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They felt nothing but tongue against tongue against cock, short and rough, large and wet, long and thin,

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spined and hard. But consciousness slipped away from them.

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They wrapped their yellow arms around their black body to balance as they used all their remaining strength

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to squeeze their brown throat.

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Yet their mouth was already going slack around their cock, and their tongues rested limply against each other.

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Their world went black.

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Then they were on the ground,

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panting, the grass soft against their sides.

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The tip of their cock was still in their mouth,

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and they reached out their golden paw

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to stroke their brown head.

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“Such a good little deer,”

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they said in Sam’s voice.

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Then they separated,

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their bodies coming apart

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and the night air cooling their skin.

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They kneeled, and watched their luminescent, yellow eyes gaze at them with lust.

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They marveled at the strong line of their bearded jaw,

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their small, pert breasts, and their swollen, wet vagina.

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They wanted to taste it so bad,

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so they leaned in.

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They slid their rough feline tongue along their clit,

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breathing in the deep, earthy scent of themself.

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Every flick of their tongue sent shivers through their bodies, their clit quivering,

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their knot pulsing, and their claws extending.

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But they wanted their tongue deeper in them.

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They pushed their canine paws against the ground and stood,

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then walked around their black and brown bodies.

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They pulled their black body back,

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kneeled their golden body in front of their brown body, and buried their muzzle in their vagina.

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Their tongue went deep,

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and they could taste themself,

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hints of sweat and musk with a touch of sweetness.

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Through feline eyes,

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they watched. Their antlers arched back as the waves of pleasure washed through them. Their tail wagged as their tongue darted inside their vagina. And as their tail wagged,

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their ass shook. They wanted their ass.

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They brought their black muzzle to their yellow ass and stroked their hole with their rough tongue.

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Their rough tongue pressed against their sphincter and pushed inside as their large tongue slid through the lips of their vagina

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and went as deep as their cervix.

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They shivered from their thin, black tail,

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through their small, arched ears, past their hanging, knotted cock,

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between the folds of their vagina,

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and all the way to their antlers.

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It was ecstasy. They pulled their small, rough tongue out of their ass for a moment,

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and their ass felt empty and cold as they spat into their paw

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and began stroking their barbed cock.

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Then they leaned back against their ass.

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They shoved their tongue through the ring of muscle,

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slick and rough. They gasped,

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their bodies quivering together.

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They pulled out their rough tongue and crawled forward,

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their black chest rubbing along their yellow back,

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pushing their canine muzzle deeper into their vagina.

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Then they placed their barbed cock against their ass,

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and thrusted. They howled,

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three voices—no, four, they realised,

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their rat muzzle opening wide

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—as one. Every spine of their cock raked their sphincter as they squeezed tight.

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They arched their yellow back to allow it deeper,

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then thrust all the harder into their ass.

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Their feline paw grabbed the back of their yellow head and shoved their canine muzzle

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into their vagina, using it like a dildo. Their keratinous fingers dug into the dirt as vagina and cock and hips and paws and hooves

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spasmed together. Where did their desires end and another’s begin?

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They didn’t know.

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They didn’t care.

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What mattered was life,

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energy, passion. And the more they had,

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the better. They could feel their balls tighten and their clitoris swell,

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their spined cock pulsing and their whole body tingling as it lay in the grass.

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But their knotted cock dripped pre into the grass,

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not quite ready yet.

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They could fix that.

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They pulled their spined cock out of their ass and grabbed their golden self by the hips.

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They pulled their canine muzzle out of their vagina.

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Then they grabbed their golden body by its torso,

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and lay themself on the grass,

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their knotted cock sticking straight up.

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They stood and placed their hooves on either side of their yellow torso

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while their sharp feline claws

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scratched their canine muzzle.

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Their short, black muzzle kissed their long, yellow muzzle

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while they lowered their vagina onto their cock.

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Their short, rough tongue darted inside their yellow muzzle

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as the tip of their knotted cock slid between the lips of their vagina.

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They squeezed it against their cock

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and revelled in its heat.

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Their lips massaged every inch of their cock,

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leaving them gasping.

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They sank lower on their cock,

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squeezing their pelvis tight until finally their swollen clit

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rubbed against their yellow crotch,

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and they moaned from three muzzles.

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They slammed their hips down on their cock over and over,

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each time pushing harder around their growing knot.

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They broke the kiss between their black and golden muzzles,

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then stood, and their black footpaws straddled their golden face.

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With a quick squat, they smothered their canine muzzle with their ass.

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They reached out with their long, slobbery tongue,

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tasting the earthy musk of their ass.

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They slid through their sphincter,

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and felt their ass clench around their tongue while their cock filled their vagina.

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They leaned into kiss themself,

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their black and brown muzzles intertwining,

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their bodies shuddering with pleasure.

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Their tongues entered their muzzles as it did their ass,

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as their cock did their vagina.

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They filled and were filled all at once, each pleasure different

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yet indisputably theirs.

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They knew they would not last much longer.

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They put their black paws back on the ground and stood,

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their tongue popping out of their ass.

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They pushed their spined cock

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into their long golden muzzle

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and slobbered all over it,

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then walked around themselves.

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They kneeled over their golden legs

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and faced their brown back.

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They placed their black paws on their short, brown fur

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and pushed gently until their ass was exposed.

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Then they forced their spined cock through their sphincter.

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They gritted their teeth,

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sharp against sharp and flat against flat,

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grunting, hissing, and barking all at once.

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The pain overwhelmed everything for a moment;

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they couldn’t even feel their cock buried deep in their vagina. But soon

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they could feel their knot continue to inflate,

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popping in and out of their vagina. They clenched their pelvis,

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ass and vagina around their cocks.

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Their spines raked their sphincter as their knot forced its way into their vagina,

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their pleasure rolling through their bodies and cresting in their clit as it

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rubbed against their yellow fur.

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The head of their cocks tingled while their vagina and sphincter

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massaged their shafts.

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Pressure built behind their cocks,

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their thrusting becoming rough and quick.

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They took it all in,

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and loved it all.

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They loved how the soft fat of the hippo’s belly squished against their lionine paws,

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and how the hard muscle of their lionine abs rippled as they squeezed.

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They loved how they could see everyone,

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watching scene after scene,

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and they loved how they could feel the tender touch of their St. Bernard body

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against their lupine breasts.

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It was all different and all theirs.

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They felt orgasm coming in twenty bodies at once,

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as pressure, as waves,

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as tingles, as shudders, as that one impossibly long moment

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when they know orgasm is upon them and they keep thrusting.

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Their world exploded.

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Hot cum fired from their cocks, their knots tied them to ass and vagina, their sphincters milked each pulse,

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their vaginas clenched fingers and cocks.

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They barked and mooed and grunted and hissed and roared as pleasure crashed over them.

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It was so intense it came in flashes.

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Flashes of surrender

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and conquest, of helplessness and control,

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of fear and power.

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Flashes of turtle, bull,

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hippo, dog, lion, panther, rat, deer, fox, eagle,

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cow, horse, wolf, and otter.

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Flashes of cocks and asses and clits and breasts

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and hips and tongues and beaks and udders.

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As each flash came,

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it was all they ever wanted—all they could ever want

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—until the next flash came and completed them again.

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The flashes came faster and faster until they dissolved

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into one long note of rapture.

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Twenty voices as one,

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they screamed. * * * “Well,

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that was lovely.

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Thank you, dearies.”

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Erian opened their eyes,

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and the stillness of the world made them dizzy for a moment,

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like when the sky is so vast and black

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that you feel yourself falling into it.

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They were still knotted to Sam,

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though the knot had already started to deflate.

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Eric’s cock had slipped out of them some time ago,

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and he lay beneath them,

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panting. “And what a wonderful amount of dark magic we gathered!”

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Gertrude exclaimed,

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clapping her paws.

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“With this, we’ll be able to wreak havoc on the forces of Good and Order.

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I’m proud of all of you, dearies.

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This will most certainly please

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They Who Stands in Front of That Thing You Need at the Grocery Store.”

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“For,” Agamic grumbled, not nearly as synchronized as they were before,

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“Satan.” “Yes, quite,” Gertrude said. “Now Herbert, you were in charge of post-coital snacks today, weren’t you, dearie?”

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“Yes,” the big hippo said,

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catching his breath,

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“Gertrude.” He slowly worked his way to his feet,

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his big belly jiggling.

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“I made cupcakes.” Herbert opened a cylindrical container,

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revealing several tiers of black cupcakes with brown frosting.

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“Chocolate cupcakes filled with caramel and topped with peanut buttercream icing,” he said.

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“They look marvellous, dearie!”

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Herbert blushed, but looked somewhat uncomfortable.

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“I couldn’t manage to trick an angel into coming, so I had to use pre-ground angel bone dust,”

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he said. “If you can’t grind your own angel bone dust, pre-ground is fine,”

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Gertrude said. “And, dearie,

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I had a hard time summoning angels when I was your age.

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Angels expect treachery from the young.”

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Her lips quivered into a smile.

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“But they always fall for the deathbed conversion.”

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“They do dangle heaven over us,”

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Herbert said, somewhat mollified.

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Gertrude's thin arms covered her belly as she laughed.

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“Could you imagine?

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Me? In heaven?!” “I give it three days before heaven’s a smouldering ruin,”

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Erian said. “Ohhhh,” Gertrude shivered.

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“Now I almost want to go.”

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Herbert went around the circle,

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handing out his cupcakes as Sam's knot finally deflated enough for him and Erian to separate.

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Herbert towered over Erian as he came up to them,

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and Erian found themself looking at Herbert’s massive, cum-stained belly as they took the cupcake.

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Erian remembered how good it felt for their muscled, lionine

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body to sink into the soft fat of his belly.

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They remembered its weight crushing them as their muzzle disappeared into it.

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Though Herbert wasn’t Erian’s type,

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they smiled at the memory,

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glad to have shared in the lion and hippo’s love for each other’s bodies.

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By the time Erian came out of their memory,

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the cupcakes were passed around,

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and Erian bit into theirs.

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It was delicious.

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Savoury, sweet, and creamy,

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all balanced perfectly.

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“These are as perfect as hellfire,”

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Erian said. “Never trust a thin chef.”

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“Hey!” Herbert’s husband interjected.

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“I’m a great cook.

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Someone has to keep Herbert’s belly looking this gorgeous!” He buried his lionine muzzle in Herbert’s massive belly

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while everyone laughed.

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When the laughter subsided,

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Gertrude stood. “Now, dearies,

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before we begin our business”—

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“For Satan!” Agamic interrupted—

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“I have a bit of news.

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It’s Heather’s eighteenth birthday this week.

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So let’s all congratulate Agamic on raising such a wonderfully evil daughter.”

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Everyone clapped

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while Sam stood and bowed.

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“We’re so proud of our little Heather.

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She’s come a long way in her dark magic.

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As soon as she turns eighteen, she’ll be ready to join a coven

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and serve They Who Smacks Gum Loudly in Waiting Rooms.”

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“Not this coven, though,”

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Eric interjected.

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“We’re evil—not gross,”

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said Agatha. Gertrude smiled, and it was mostly genuine.

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Then she coughed. “Now, dearies, how shall we use all this magic to serve evil and They Who Vibrates Your Phone When You Don’t Have a Notification?”

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“I do,” Erian said before Agamic could do their jazz paws.

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“As some of you know,

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the Hupper farm had an awful year.

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They spent all their savings on George’s cancer treatments,

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and missed the harvest because they were taking care of him.”

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Everyone nodded, excited to show the unfortunate Huppers just how evil they were.

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“Tomorrow,” Erian continued,

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“The bank is going before the judge to foreclose on their farm,

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and I realised the most evil thing we could do at the trial.” Erian’s

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evil smile was suffused with

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vindictive schadenfreude.

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“We transmute all the bank’s paperwork to show that the Huppers paid their mortgage in full,

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and the bank has no claim on their property.”

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“Ohhhh,” Gertrude said,

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bringing her paws together beneath her muzzle

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in glee. “How diabolical!”

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“Hail, Satan!” They chanted together.

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Evil would reign once more.

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This was “Satan, Dearie”

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by B. P. Rugger, read for you by Khaki,

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your faithful fireside companion.

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You can find more stories on the web

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at thevoice.dog, or find the show wherever you get your podcasts.

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Thank you for listening

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to The Voice of Dog.