What do you do when you are holding a desire that matters deeply and still has not happened? This episode explores the experience of carrying a desire God has not fulfilled. Jennifer shares her own personal desire that remains unmet and discusses harmful beliefs that distort our expectations of God. You'll learn biblical principles that provide clarity and direction to help you navigate waiting seasons with perspective and resilience. If you are seeking clarity, encouragement, and a healthier perspective on desire, prayer, and trust, this episode will nourish your soul.

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Hey, winning women, welcome back. So this is a space that I've been transparent with you all and today is no different. There has been a desire that I have been talking to God about for a long time now. A prayer that I have been praying. It's prayer that sits close to my heart. It's a prayer that I have cried through. I've carried this into many days.

many nights, more than I expected. And just speaking honestly, it's a prayer that God has not yet answered for me. I know some women are praying for healing. You may be praying for a child. You may be praying for reconciliation with someone that you love. Maybe you're praying for clarity in this season. Maybe you're just praying for relief. So as you reflect back on your year or this season,

You may start to wonder why some of those deepest desires, some of those prayers just haven't been met yet. Like, is God listening? Is something wrong with me? I mean, those are things that I know I have felt. Those are things that sometimes I still feel. Do you wonder, like, did God hear you? Maybe he didn't hear you. How long is this going to last? Believe me, I know. So today's episode, we're going to talk about unanswered prayers and why those prayers shake us.

But we're also going to explore how God shapes our desires when our timeline, when our expectations don't match his timeline. And as a bonus, I have a special treat for you at the end of this episode. It's something that I created with you in mind to help you walk through this season with just a little bit more clarity, a little bit more peace. I love equipping women with free resources. So hang out to the end. I think you're going to be blessed. So let's take a deep breath.

And I want you to bring that prayer, that desire back to the front of your mind so that together we can find peace, can find clarity and healing. So if you're like me, you've prayed faithfully, you've waited, you've tried to stay hopeful and nothing is changing. Nothing is moving. And even though you love God, even though I love God, I want to be honest that something inside shifts.

when prayers don't get answered for an extended period of time. And this is not to say that you're not holy. It's not to say that you're a bad Christian. It's just the truth. I've been there for the past four years. And four years is a long time to wait for something. Sometimes four days is a long time to wait for something. Sometimes for a month, whatever it is, waiting is hard. It's just hard. I don't even struggle with patience and I have a hard time waiting on God.

Now, I want to be honest with you, like my desire to want to grow our family does not take anything away from the two beautiful kids that we have. Kids are a blessing. No matter how many that you have or if you don't have them, children are a blessing. But this desire that I have, it's been a desire that I have not been able to shake. I've even asked God to take this desire away from me. And I don't know whatever prayer or desire you may have.

I don't know what you are asking God for in this season, but when God is quiet longer than we expect, do you ever wonder like, God, are you still there? Like our son, he is constantly reminding me to do things. And the other day I asked him, was like, Micah, you just reminded me about that. Like, why are you reminding me again? And he's like, well, mommy, I just want to make sure you didn't forget. I mean, it'll be something like I said he could have chips. And then two seconds later, he's like,

But remember, you said I could have chips right now. I'm using that very loosely, but the point is my son is constantly reminding me things that I don't forget. And so when it's been an extended period of time with God, I feel like, God, do you need a few reminders? I want to first start by addressing why these seasons, prolonged seasons of unanswered prayers can really shake us up. And that's because honestly, most of us love clarity.

We want steps. want timelines. think women just naturally, we thrive on that. I'm sure men do too, but I think the lack of clarity can stir up anxiety and just a sense of disorientation. And I'm not even someone who needs to see the whole staircase to walk up. You can just show me a step or even half a step and I'm good, but for my desire to grow our family, the timeline mattered because I'm now 41 years old. I haven't frozen my eggs. And if we were to get pregnant, one of my biggest fears is that

I'm high risk. Now, I know that God can do anything, but I'm just being honest in that my frustration was around my timeline. What if God answered the prayer and now I'm 45 years old or I'm 50 years old or I'm 55 years old and now it's harder to have a child? So once again, I hope that you are hearing this with an open heart and not judging my desire, but I'm simply just sharing that

Our desire for clarity can also bring distance between us and God when prayers have not been answered. And two things can be true. You can be grateful and understand the love of God and in a certain season also be disappointed with Him. As women, we are emotional. God created these emotions in us and so He can handle them.

I'm going to talk a little bit more about that later because there is freedom in expressing your true feelings to God. There's freedom in expressing it to him. He created us, he can handle it. And we should, we shouldn't feel like we can't bring those honest desires to God, but I will talk about that later. Okay. So I just want to briefly touch on something that sits underneath a lot of disappointment with our prayers. And that is that some of us were taught ideas about prayer that sounds spiritual, but they don't.

line up with scripture. I know there's many but here are just a few that I can think of and these are just dangerous teachings about prayer that you might have heard or maybe you grew up in a church where they shared this type of message but a false, I'll call it dangerous, belief about prayer is that if you sow a seed God is obligated to answer your prayer. So maybe you've heard it in church growing up or maybe you've heard it recently or you're hearing it.

every Sunday and that is if you give this amount, if you plant this seed, if you attach your offering to your request, then it paints God as someone who responds because we paid something. And that is not, that is not how scripture describes God. Giving is an act of worship. Giving is generosity, but it's not a bargaining tool and it shouldn't be. And when people believe this, then we end up being disappointed because

We expect a guaranteed outcome. And I this is going to be hard to say, but God never, never promised us a certain outcome. I think about the people who gave or they sowed a seed and their loved ones still died of cancer, which now leads me to the next dangerous teaching about prayer. And that is if you just pray with enough faith, then God will do exactly what you ask. So yes, it sounds encouraging, like just have faith and pray, but

This teaching actually can turn faith into a performance as well because it suggests that if you are still waiting, then your faith must be weak. If God hasn't answered that prayer, then it's because you don't have enough faith. And in scripture, people with strong faith still face long delays. People with strong faith still walk through suffering. Even Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, like, Lord, take this cup, please let it pass. Like, I don't...

know if I'm ready for this. And I see this a lot too, even with manifestation. Some women have been taught that if you pray the right words or you speak the right declaration, then God can unlock the results you want. You can manifest it, right? That just makes prayer more of a formula than a relationship. So just be careful of this. And finally, there's another common belief about prayer. And that is if the answer is delayed or has been answered, then you must be doing something wrong. Like many people assume delay means punishment.

I have never thought that because God hasn't answered this prayer that I'm being punished. But I have thought, am I not worthy of having another child? So before I continue, please, please, please, please release any of those teachings that have made you feel responsible for forcing a result. Because remember, prayer is not a transaction. Okay, sorry, I kind of went off a little bit, but I just wanted to address those false teachings because those can really, really keep us bound.

and give us a distorted view of God? Where have you possibly equated delay with distance from God? And what fear sits underneath your frustration? That could be a hard question to answer and that's okay if you don't have the answers today. I just think it's important to release it with that and name the things because that will open up the door to where healing begins. So I've talked about some dangers or some false teachings about prayer which kind of become a barrier and cause distance between us and God.

Now I want to equip you with truth and I want to walk slowly and intentionally through a few spiritual truths just to help anchor you when God hasn't answered that prayer yet. disclaimer, these truths do not remove the ache of waiting. At no point am I suggesting that if you do this, your pain will go away. I cannot and I will not promise that. And God may or may not choose to answer that prayer on this side of heaven.

But my hope is that these truths help you see your situation, to see your desire, to see this season through a biblical lens rather than our own emotions. These truths that I'm going to share and I have four of them, they have carried me through many seasons. They have carried me and is still carrying me through this season that I'm walking through with an unanswered big prayer. But they've also brought me peace. They've helped me mature spiritually and emotionally.

And I pray that they will do the same for you. So the first truth, and if you're a note taker, you can take notes, is understanding that God's silence does not mean that God is rejecting you. I mean, think about it. When your friend doesn't take you back, that silence can feel like they're distant from you or something's wrong. So when God was quiet or I didn't feel like I heard from him, I interpreted that as rejection.

And I think that's natural because I've done that with friends. I've done that with coworkers. I've done that with people that if I'm the one that's reaching out, if I'm the one that is initiating, if I'm the one that is holding on and maintaining that relationship and they're not responsive, then I just distance myself. So if I do that with people, then it makes sense why I'm doing that with God. But I can't find anywhere in the Bible where scripture presents silence as rejection.

In fact, some of the greatest spiritual giants in the Bible lived through long stretches of quietness from God. David, we see him cry out repeatedly like, Lord, like how long, Lord? And Job, my gosh, Job. I mean, he asked God why so many times. He didn't get a response immediately. Paul pleaded three times for God to remove that throne from his flesh.

And the only response he received was, my grace is sufficient for you. I could imagine that that response was not the solution Paul wanted, but it was a reminder that God was present even when he was not doing what Paul asked. And so silence does not mean that God has stepped away. God's silence can't actually be a shelter. It can be a pause that now can be filled with purpose. It can be that quiet space that

now God is strengthening something in you that perhaps would have been weakened. Like, it can really be the ground where you start to trust a little bit more. mean, I know there are seasons that if God had given me what I wanted, I'm not saying I wouldn't have learned my lesson if I learned it the hard way, but looking back at some lessons, especially when I was in college, I'm like, oh God, okay, thank you for taking me through that lesson. It helped me in so many different ways where if he had just

maybe answered the prayer that my heart desired. I don't know if it would have led to some of the lessons that I learned. So all I'm saying is that when you experience silence in prayer, if you've prayed a prayer and you just feel like this is the quietest that God has been, hold on to the truth that you are not being rejected. You're being invited into a deeper kind of relationship and silence is not the verdict. It's not

the end of your story. I know when you're in a long prolonged season of it, can feel that way. But silence is not punishment. So the second truth that I want to share to help anchor you with a desire or prayer that God has not answered yet, and that is knowing that God often works beneath the surface first. So in the Bible, I've seen how God uses seeds and soils and roots to describe his work in our lives. And a seed appears lifeless.

before it breaks open. Roots can grow deep beneath the ground and they're invisible to everyone except for God who planted them like he knows how deep that root goes. So why does God work this way? In Romans 8 28, it tells us that God works all things together for good. We love that promise, but we often forget that the process is sometimes hidden. Like good is subjective. He works in conversations that we may never hear.

He works in circumstances that we may not understand. He changes the hearts of people and they may not ever come back and say, this was because of you. Like, gosh, he works in hearts long, long before we ever see change. So sometimes God is strengthening your character. Sometimes he may be softening another person that's involved in your situation that you may not even know about. Maybe he's positioning you for something greater than what you

even prayed for. Like you could be praying for one thing and God's like, girl, if you only knew I have so much more for you. I've actually prayed for God to change the situation. Like I prayed for him to take this desire to grow our family out of my heart because having that desire and then having that prayer not be answered can put me in just a really bad head space. And so I've asked for clarity and instead God has given me conviction like

Like I've asked for speed, I've asked them to speed up this process. I've asked them to change Alan's heart. I've asked them to open my womb. I've asked them just to do all these things. And instead God's like, okay, let's produce a maturity in this season. And so looking back, I can see that nothing was wasted. Truly nothing was wasted. Which leads me to another truth that I want you to hold on to in this season to anchor you. And that is that God cares about motives.

not just our requests. This is not something that's talked about much. the reason why I think is because it's a very touchy topic. why do I want to grow my family? I think my motives are positive, but I had to sit with this one because as a believer, our purpose is connected to glorifying God in our life. And so our motives and our heart should align with that goal.

And then I read verses like John 14, 13, and Jesus shows us what the motive of our prayers really should be. And that is so that the Father is glorified. sometimes we pray for things that are good, a good marriage, a healthy family, financial stability. These are all good things. We pray for a relief from suffering. mean, none of these desires are wrong. So please hear me when I say that

We pray for good things, but even good desires can have self-focused motives attached to them. I even told Alan once that, babe, we need to have more kids because who's going to take care of us when we're older? He looked at me like, what? That's the reason we should have kids? I'm like, yeah, I come from a culture. I'm Nigerian. And like, know, when you get older, you take care of your parents. So we need to have lots of kids so they can take care of us.

Like, do you hear the selfish motive in that? It's not because I'm seeing kids as a blessing, which I do, but in that moment, I'm trying to convince him because I'm like, it'll help us when we get older, they will take care of us. So you might be praying for a breakthrough because it will relieve discomfort. Once again, that's a good thing. You might want a relationship because it will satisfy loneliness. I mean, these desires are human. Those desires are good. Those desires are understandable.

I also think God deserves the glory at the end, not us. So alignment of our heart with His glory is so important. God loves you way too much, way too much to bless a motive, to bless a desire that would eventually harm you. He loves you way too much to answer a prayer that would reinforce something that's unhealthy in your heart. He loves you so much and sometimes

That delay is God's love. Sometimes that delay is God reshaping that motive, reshaping your heart so that when he does answer that prayer, the blessing produces worship, worship in him instead of pride. That blessing produces gratitude instead of entitlement. That blessing produces spiritual maturity instead of complacency. I mean, that is God's love on display. And so, y'all, I am in year four of this same prayer.

the same prayer, and I finally decided to pray a prayer where I can say, Father, let your will be done. My motive has now shifted to where I have this desire, but God, I want your will. Let your will be done, not mine. And that leads me to the final truth that I want to share for you in this season is that when you have done everything and you still haven't gotten answers, I God just invites you to surrender.

I want to invite you to surrender. And this is surrendering what we simply cannot see. This is surrendering what we don't understand. Surrendering, it really is accumulation of all the truths that we have walked through. If God is not rejecting you and if he is working beneath the surface, if he's shaping your motives, all these things we've talked about.

then now surrender becomes an invitation. It becomes a response to a God who is so far ahead of you that he knows the outcome. And I know, I know this is going to look different for every woman. I know that every woman is waiting on something. And so what does this look like? What does surrendering that look like? It might, it might sound like a prayer that's like, Lord, I surrender the desire to be married this year. And I trust you to see the relationship I long for and the timing.

would be best for me. It may sound like, God, I surrender this prayer for a child, whether that's through pregnancy, adoption, or a restored relationship with a child, whatever that is, releasing that to God. You may pray a prayer now that says, God, I surrender my dream of my family looking the way I imagined. Teach me, Lord, how to love the family that I have with joy and grace. Surrendering might sound like, Lord, I surrender this job situation, whatever it is,

Whether it's a promotion, a new opportunity, or the courage to stay where I'm at. But Lord, please help me release the fear of missing out. It may sound like, Lord, I surrender the desire to change the one I love. I place their heart, their choices, and their journey in Your hands, not mine. Only You can change them. It may sound like, Lord, I surrender the pressure to make everything happy. Teach me.

how to live for your approval instead of the approval for others. I have prayed that for so many times. Release it, friend, surrender it. You may pray a prayer that says, finally, Lord, I surrender this timeline for healing. I know you want to be healed so badly, but can you trust? Speak, Lord, I trust that you are with me even when I do not feel better yet or if I don't get better. That's a hard prayer to pray.

It might sound like, I surrender this financial burden and my fear of lack or not having, and Lord, provide what I need and teach me how to rest without striving. Surrender that fear of aging or transitioning into a new season of life and ask the Lord to help you embrace what you are doing right now. Or it could sound like my surrender. And that is, Lord, I surrender the longing to grow our family. I place the timeline

and the method and whatever it is that I have planned, the outcome in your hands. man, I have prayed. I have hoped. I have cried. I have imagined how I wanted this story to unfold. And today I release the pressure that I have carried. I surrender the expectations I've created in my mind. I place every longing, every longing in your hands, Jesus, and

Whether or not you choose to grow a family, Lord help me to trust that you are still good. You are such a good father. And I just ask Lord that you hold my heart, you hold my tender heart during this season of waiting and just help me breathe. Help me breathe again. That's what my surrender looks like right now in this season. And what's gonna be yours? Please remember that surrender does not mean you're giving up. It doesn't mean that you don't trust, you don't believe. And this,

is exactly why I created the Surrender Guide. It's a free resource. It's a companion. It's a resource to help you name the places where you are holding on too tightly. I pray that this free guide transforms how you look at your current situation and how you see this posture of surrender. This has been freedom for me in this season, knowing that I can bring my honest desires to God. Knowing that

He is not scared of them. He created these emotions in me. And guess what? He can handle it. And if nobody has ever given you that freedom, let this resource help you establish that. And so I'll leave the link for the resource in the show notes. Be sure to click on it and you can download it, share it with a friend. I just pray that it blesses you in this season and this guide was birthed out of this season that I am in. And so before we close, I just want to leave you with a few things that you can do while you're waiting.

Like hold on to scriptures, anchor your mind with truth. I love Proverbs 3 that says, in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. And Isaiah 55 says that his ways, God's ways are higher than our ways. These are just reminders that God's perspective is larger than anything that we can see right now. So as you wait, just remind yourself, anchor yourself in God's word, read scripture and apply it to this season. Another thing you can do while you're waiting.

for this prayer to be answered is just pay attention to the small daily provisions that God has given you. Sometimes we can become so focused on one big prayer that we want God to answer that we miss the small ways that He's caring for us. He cares for every bird. He cares for every flower. What makes you think He doesn't care about you? Treasure those daily provisions because they're reminders that God is still present. He's still there, even if your situation is unresolved.

Another thing you can do while you're waiting is just keep showing up. Keep showing up with honest prayer. I thought I was a prayer warrior and then I realized like I need to just keep praying even when these seasons are hard. Don't start praying because you feel discouraged. Honest prayer is not a sign of weak faith. It's actually a sign of real faith. mean Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane. He poured out his heart to God. David poured out his complaints.

Psalms. So bring your desires through prayer to God. You can still show up well in this season that you are in. You can take care of your responsibilities today even if your heart still longs for tomorrow. So let's pray. Father, I lift every woman who is listening right now. Lord, you know her waiting season. You know the hope that she holds, but you also know the heaviness that she may be hiding. So Father, I ask that you

Surround her, bombard her with your presence in a fresh way, in a new way. Remind her that your silence is not rejection. Remind her, Lord, that you are near, you are working in places that she may not see.

And Father, give her the courage. Give her the courage to surrender what she can't control. Help her release the timelines that she's created in her mind and help her release the pressures that she's placed on herself. just help her open her hands so that she could receive whatever, whatever you have for her with peace and with confidence in your wisdom alone. Lord, I pray for that woman who's waiting for a relationship. I pray for that woman who's longing for a child for her family.

I pray for that woman who is praying for healing. I pray for that woman who is seeking direction. be her guiding light. For the woman who feels unseen, remind her Lord that you are still a God who sees us. Lord, we ask that your will, your will be done, not ours. In Jesus name we pray. I pray that this episode blessed you.

I would love to know how I can continue to walk alongside with you in this journey. My email is in the show notes. And before you rush off, don't forget to click the link and download the Surrender Guide. It's a resource that will help you in this season. And so sis, go win this week and make God proud. Bye for now.