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Sex is one of the most important parts of a long-term relationship - and one of the least talked about. Not because it doesn't matter, but because it feels risky to bring up. So the conversation doesn't happen, and the relationship quietly adjusts around a silence neither person actually wanted.

In this episode, Alastair shares how one couple broke years of silence with a simple exercise: writing down, privately, what they enjoyed and what they'd genuinely like more of - not a complaint list, a likes-and-wishes list. You'll get a practical, low-pressure way to start this conversation with your own partner, starting with what you like before moving on to what you'd love more of.

Daily Relationship Tips helps couples strengthen relationship communication, rebuild emotional intimacy, restore relationship trust, develop healthy relationship habits, and reconnect before emotional distance becomes permanent.

Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.

When did you and your partner last have an honest conversation about your sex life?

Not subtle hints, not assumptions, not the kind of silence where you both know something has shifted but nobody says anything.

An actual open conversation about what you want, what you enjoy, what you wish was different.

For most couples, the honest answer is not recently or not ever.

Hi, I'm Alistair Dues and welcome to the daily Relationship Tips podcast where I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner feel close, connected, and in love again, one small habit at a time.

Now, sex is one of the most important parts of a long term relationship, but it's also one of the least talked about.

Not because it doesn't matter, but because it feels risky to discuss.

Maybe you don't want to hurt your partner's feelings.

Maybe you don't want to seem demanding or dissatisfied or strange.

And so the conversation doesn't happen and the relationship quietly adjusts around a silence that neither person wanted.

So have honest conversations about sex.

That's what this episode is about.

Not the performance of sex, but conversations about it.

The willingness to tell your partner what you actually like, what you'd like more of and what you'd like, to try and to create the conditions where they feel safe to do the same.

As an example, a couple I worked with, I'll call them Owen and Jess, had been together seven years.

They loved each other deeply.

Their relationship, in most respects, was strong.

But the physical side of their relationship had quietly changed over the past couple of years.

Less frequent, less connected.

And neither of them had said anything directly.

Not from indifference, but from not knowing how to start.

So when I worked with them, I asked each of them to do something that felt slightly uncomfortable.

Write down privately what they enjoyed in their physical relationship and what they'd genuinely like more of not a complaint list, a likes and wishes list.

Then I created a safe space for them to share those lists with each other with ground rules.

Listen supportively, ask questions with curiosity, and respond without defensiveness.

What came out of that conversation surprised both of them.

Not because anything was shocking.

Because neither had said these things before.

Owen had assumed Jess was happy with the way things were.

Jess had assumed Owen would find it strange if she said what she actually wanted.

Both assumptions were wrong.

And the conversation that followed was, by their account, one of the most intimate they'd ever had.

Now, the physical side of their relationship didn't transform overnight, but something shifted in the closeness between them because they'd been honest with each other about something real.

So here's today's start by getting clear privately about your own preferences around sex.

What do you enjoy?

What would you like more of?

What would you like to try?

Then find a calm, private moment, not in the middle of an argument, not at a moment of tension, and invite your partner to have this conversation.

Start by setting the tone.

Say something like, I'd love it if we could talk about our sex life, what's working for both of us and what might make it even better.

Would you be up for that?

And start positively with what you like.

Ask your partner what they like, then gently share what you'd like more of and invite them to do the same.

This doesn't need to be a long conversation.

It just needs to be honest.

Because couples who can talk openly about sex, who have honest conversations about their physical relationship, build a closeness that goes far beyond the bedroom.

Because if you can be that vulnerable and that honest about something this intimate, you can be honest about almost anything.

And that kind of openness is one of the foundations of a truly close relationship.

So have a conversation about sex.

You might be surprised at how much it brings you together.

Now, if today's tip landed for you, there's a lot more where it came from.

Head to daily relationshiptips.com and and take the free two minute quiz to see how connected you and your partner are right now.

And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.

Everything you need to create a happier, more loving and connected relationship is waiting for you.

Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.