Overcommitment isn’t just a time issue — it’s a self-trust and worthiness issue. In this episode, I share how women, especially in midlife, find themselves stretched thin trying to be everything to everyone… and end up feeling invisible.

We’ll talk about:

• The sneaky ways we abandon ourselves in the name of being "helpful"
• Why dropping a commitment isn’t failure, it's listening to your inner guidance of what's really right for you
• How Human Design helps us know what to hold and what to release
• And a practice that became a non-negotiable for me

If you’re putting on everyone else’s oxygen mask first. This is your reminder to come back to yourself.

→ Book your free Life & Energy Audit

→ Follow + review the show if this resonated!

Welcome to the Unfolding Podcast.

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I am Erica Voell.

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I am a Decision Mentor

and Inner-Trust Guide.

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And I work with women mainly those in

midlife, trust their inner guidance,

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understand their unique strengths, and

stop saying yes to what drains them.

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Using Human Design, coaching

and Reiki, we clear the noise.

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So their no feels powerful

and their yes, feels true.

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That yes and that no come up

all the time with my clients.

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It comes up related to

overcommitment and this pressure

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to be all things to all people.

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One of my clients sent me

this message and I thought it

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perfectly summed everything up.

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I'm ironically unavailable to

everyone because I'm trying

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to be available to everyone.

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When she sent that, that really hit

me hard, and I talked about this in

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a recent episode about how women,

especially in midlife, we're taught

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that we should be available to everyone,

and this makes us the good one.

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This is what we're supposed to

do, but here is the reality.

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How often when you fly, you are told

to put on your own oxygen mask first.

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It is every single time, but how often

in everyday life are you actually doing

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that, putting on your own mask first?

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I'm sure if you're like

me, it's not often enough.

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Because we're taught, especially as

women, to be self-sacrificing, even

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if it means being over committed,

to be the helper, to be the one who

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says yes, to be the one who bakes the

cookies for the school fundraiser,

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even when you are so exhausted.

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Or the one who volunteers to drive or

host or organize or plan so that we can

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be seen as the good and reliable one.

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And deep down

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resentment is really starting to build.

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And eventually the people around

us, our kids, our partners, our

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coworkers, they start to expect it.

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And they expect us to drop

everything for their needs.

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And then that becomes the norm and we

feel exhausted, maybe even invisible.

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And we start to believe that our

own needs come last or worse, that

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our own needs don't even matter.

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If you have a five in your profile

that's going is going to feel

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really familiar because people

see you as that problem solver.

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They can see, they think that

you can come save their day.

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So let me ask you something.

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What are you committed to right now?

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Don't overthink it.

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What comes to your mind first?

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Is it your family, your work, a

friendship, a routine, or is it

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this list of shoulds that you

have or this long list of to-dos?

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A list of what you said yes

to out of pressure, and not

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because it brought you joy.

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We make commitments all the

time, and as if you're a parent,

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you know exactly what I mean.

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But are we including ourselves

in those commitments?

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I have been doing breath

work every week lately.

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It started out as a way to deal with

some frustration that was coming up.

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But it was something I

couldn't get outta my system.

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I was trying to walk or

exercise and meditation.

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Didn't even feel like it was

enough movement to release it.

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So it was something I used to do

about once a month when I was in the

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mood, and after each session I would

feel lighter and clearer and like

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I could actually hear myself again.

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But this commitment has

been next level changing.

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I did one session and I felt so.

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Clear.

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I felt like I had just gotten all

the gunk out, and then I told myself

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I was gonna commit to three weeks.

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And then I was talking to a coach that

I'm working with for a retreat and

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she challenged me to commit to six.

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So now I have done six and

it's become a weekly thing.

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I look forward to it.

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Even if that day I'm like,

oh, I don't wanna do this.

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But I feel such a shift in my energy

this six weeks in, and I've noticed

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it's not just that shift in my energy,

it's like my frequency is changing.

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And my ability to focus.

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Every session something new comes through.

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Like my "expectations build a

wall" podcast episode that came

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through a breath work session.

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And this last one was, I am committed.

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I found myself saying it out loud.

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I am committed to me.

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I'm committed to my work.

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I'm committed to this.

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I don't know what this is, but this.

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And it got me thinking, what

am I really committing to?

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Because right now I'm committing

to the work that feels really

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stretchy, but also meaningful.

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And I'm committing to putting myself

out there in ways that feel like I'm

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gonna walk off the edge of a cliff.

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And I'm also committing to

noticing what I'm saying yes to.

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Am I seeing yes, out of

pressure or obligation?

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Doing breath work has become a new kind

of commitment, and even in these weeks

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there I'm like, I don't wanna do this.

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I still get out my mat, I still turn

on the video, I pull up the blanket

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and I'm like, I'm going to do this.

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And I'm so grateful afterwards that I

have followed through on my commitment

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and it's become not just another

thing to check off my calendar.

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It is become a commitment to myself

and for so many women I work with.

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That's exactly what's happening.

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They've committed to everything else,

and they've not committed to themselves.

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They think that they're on their

list, but when we start to dig in.

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We find that they're not.

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And what comes up a lot of times

is then they're like, oh, I'm

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not good at starting things.

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I do this, or I committed to that.

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And then they start things

and they don't finish them.

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And they'll tell me, I'm great at starting

things, but I never finished them.

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Or, I'm terrible at following through.

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But here's the thing, it's not

that they're bad at finishing.

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They actually are over-committed

because we often start things and

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later something doesn't feel aligned.

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And so we step out of it and instead

of listening to that nudge, we

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start to push through out of guilt.

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And we feel even worse because

we think, oh, I gave up.

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I failed.

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I stopped.

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And for some of us, us.

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Especially if you're a manifester

in Human Design, you are literally

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meant to initiate things, to get

something started and then to move on

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when something's not feeling right.

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To pass it off to someone

else, to delegate and simply

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letting go of something because

it's no longer right for you.

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That's not a failure.

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That's really coming back into alignment

and feeling good about you because we

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all have things that , we've committed

to, that necessarily aren't right for us.

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One of the biggest things I

work with clients on is tuning

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back into their inner authority.

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This decision making part

of your Human Design that.

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It helps you know what's right for

you, what the right opportunities are,

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and , some people feel it in their gut.

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Some people need to sleep on it,

some people need to talk it out.

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When you can trust that, it really

gives you permission to drop

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things that don't feel aligned,

and that guilt then starts to ease.

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There's an analogy that I heard one

time that I really love and I think

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it's helpful to think about this.

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Think of everything you're juggling right

now, like as a bunch of balls in the air.

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Some of those balls are glass,

they're fragile, they're

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meaningful, they're essential.

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Some are plastic.

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They might bounce.

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If you drop them, they might crack.

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It's okay.

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But glass balls might be your

health and your close relationships,

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or even your core values.

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And the plastic balls may be that

committee that you agreed to join but

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you really wish you had said no to, or

that side project that you felt excited

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about, but now feels like a burden.

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We all have glass and plastic balls.

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There's no one size fits all.

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We don't all have glass and we

don't all have just plastic.

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But when you are feeling overwhelmed,

it's very helpful to ask yourself, which

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ones are glass and which ones are plastic?

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And are there some that you can just

gently take down or even let them fall?

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And it's if something is glass.

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It doesn't mean that you

have to let it shatter.

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It can be something that you're like,

oh, I'm taking this down right now.

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This needs to be gently set down.

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Because then if we take it down

intentionally and set it aside

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lovingly, then it doesn't feel so tight

and grasping and like, oh my gosh,

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I have all these balls in the air.

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And what I've come to realize is

that for so many of us, we are

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committed to everything else and

everyone else except ourselves.

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And we, instead of being willing to let

those balls fall, we start to put our

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own needs at the bottom of the list.

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And we say things like, "I'll,

rest when the project is done."

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Or "I will book that massage after the

kids go back to school or after the

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sports team season," or "I'll invest that

in that class that I really wanna take

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once things slow down."

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Really do things ever really slow

down in this world right now.

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But in the meantime, we start

to feel more and more and more

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disconnected from ourselves.

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And my starting this breath work session

was because I was feeling so scattered.

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I had so many balls in the air

and I was like stuck in this.

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I should do this, I should

do this, I should do this.

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And.

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It's now become a non-negotiable

for me, it's no longer something

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that I do as a self-care.

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It's something that I need

to do for myself, and it's a

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commitment I have made to myself.

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It's also a way of saying that I matter.

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It's giving myself that message.

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And what I see so often with clients is

that they've got so many balls in the

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air and they've committed to things.

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Not because they're bad at boundaries.

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They are overcommitted because

somewhere deep down, they believe if

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I say no, they won't see me as enough.

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Or if I do all the things,

I'll let people down.

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Or if I rest, I'm being lazy.

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That is a big one.

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Or if I choose myself, I'm being selfish.

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They'll see me as selfish.

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Does that sound familiar?

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This is not a time management issue.

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This is a worthiness issue.

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It's a self-trust issue, as I've talked

about in the last several episodes.

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This is, who am I without

all-these-roles issue.

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The good mom, the good wife, the

good coworker, the good employee.

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So I want you to pause and ask

yourself, what would it look like

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to recommit to yourself, to your

energy, to your needs, to your joy?

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And oh my gosh, to your breath.

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I'm not saying that you need to abandon

your family or quit your job or fly off

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to an exotic location to find yourself.

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I'm saying like put yourself

back in the equation.

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'cause you really matter too.

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If you are not putting that oxygen

mask on first, you're going to get to

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a point where you have no breath left.

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And if this speaks to you, I

want to end with a gentle place.

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Where are you putting everyone else's

oxygen mask on first, and what would

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it feel like to put your own on first?

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Just think about it just for a day.

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What is something that you can do

to put that oxygen mask on first?

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You are going to bring yourself back

to a rhythm when you put that oxygen

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mask on first, and that will bring

you back into alignment and that will

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give you some fresh oxygen so that

then you can come back to yourself.

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This week, I'm really committing

to choosing myself quietly and

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intentionally without feeling guilty.

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I have not felt well this week, and so

I've really spent time in bed and it

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is really roiled up that I'm being lazy

or I should be doing this, but I, I

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have said I'm going to just lay in bed.

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It's uncomfortable.

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It's hard.

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And it's feeling really like

an edge, but I know that it's

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what I needed to do for myself.

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So if you're nodding along and

thinking, oh yes, that is me.

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I would love to support you.

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I would love you to book a free Life

& Energy Audit with me, and we'll talk

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about what is draining you, what you

actually want, and how your Human Design

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can bring you back to what matters most.

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The link is in the show notes, and if this

episode resonated with you, I would be

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so grateful if you would follow the show.

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Leave a quick review or share it

with someone who needs to hear it.

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Be well, and I will talk to you soon