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The Overlooked Abuse - Financial Power and Control with Rhonda Noordyk
Episode 10925th October 2023 • Her Empowered Divorce • Beverly Price
00:00:00 00:36:14

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WHAT FINANCIAL ABUSE IS AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT EP 109 

HOST: Beverly Price, Divorce & Empowerment Coach 

GUEST: Rhonda Noordyk, Founder and CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center

SUMMARY: 

Financial abuse can take various forms, including restricting access to money, withholding financial information, or coercing the victim into making financial decisions. Recognizing financial abuse before and during divorce can be challenging, as it often operates covertly. However, there are warnings that can help you recognize financial abuse in your relationship and the divorce process. If you suspect financial abuse, it's crucial to seek support from a qualified professional who can help you navigate the legal system to protect your financial interests and ensure a fair settlement. In this episode of Her Empowered Divorce, your Host, Beverly Price, talks to Rhonda Noordyk, Founder and CEO of The Women's Financial Wellness Center. Together, they discuss financial abuse, what it is, how to recognize it, and what you can do about it. 

 

Divorce doesn’t have to be a death sentence. With the right support and guidance, you can move through the process with knowledge, skills, and confidence. If you’d like to schedule a complimentary private consultation, reach out to Beverly at: https://beverly-price.as.me/Consultation

 

Visit https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/her-empowered-divorce/id1635143315 to access the entire archive of Her Empowered Divorce episodes, and while you’re there, please subscribe, rate, and review our show! 

 

KEY TAKEAWAYS: 

  • Am I going to be okay? Yes, certainly! But you must define what “fine” means to you; don’t just take it from your attorney or others.
  • You can use ABUSE as an acronym to help you recognize financial abuse. A-Alienate you from finances, B-Beliefs marital money is theirs only, U-uses the legal system to control you, S-Seems like the victim, E-Evades financial accuracy and transparency. 
  • Divorce happens in three parts simultaneously: legal, financial, and emotional, and you need a core divorce team, coach, CDFA, and legal representative to help create the best results for you.
  • Whatever stage you are in your divorce process, don’t allow anyone to coerce you into making financial decisions that will sell you short. Invest in what you need to protect your financial interests and ensure a fair settlement.

 

NOTABLE QUOTES:

  • The first biggest challenge women face is confidence around money and finances because of a lack of knowledge and experience in managing finances; financial knowledge and confidence ultimately lead to confidence. (Rhonda) 
  • You need a core divorce team consisting of a coach, CDFA, and legal representative, and these three don’t compete with each other. They complement each other and come together to create the best results for you. (Beverly) 
  • The second greatest financial challenge for women is understanding the financial aspect as it relates to the divorce process, what questions to ask, how to gather and organize information, how to access information, how to analyze it, and how to negotiate. (Rhonda) 
  • When you have a team of people working on your behalf, the process is better, and the people are better. (Rhonda) 
  • If you are thinking about divorce, don’t sell yourself short on investing in what you need to ensure this process goes as smoothly as possible for you: be open to making sure you have the right team of professionals, and don’t wait. (Rhonda) 
  • Women become good private investigators when they have to be; you can be extra aware by getting an app such as Tiny Scanner to help you start building a respiratory of the things you might be finding; it can be tricky if you are on the same plan, so you have to monitor that. (Rhonda) 

 

FURTHER RESOURCES/RELEVANT LINKS: 

Beverly’s personal Facebook page can be found at: https://www.facebook.com/beverlyprice365/

Women’s Divorce and Empowerment group discussion available at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/divorcerecovery

Her Empowered Divorce YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@HerEmpoweredDivorce1

Find Your Divorce Coach: https://herempowereddivorce.com/?divorcecoach

Rhonda Masterclass for Women in Divorce: https://www.rhondanoordyk.com/webinar-opt-in-masterclass

 

ABOUT OUR GUEST: 

 

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA®, is a well-respected divorce financial strategist and podcast host. She is known internationally for her work in pioneering a path for women to navigate through the financial aspects of the divorce process. As a strategist, Rhonda helps her clients determine their next best financial move. She has been featured in several online publications: SD Voyager, Better After 50, Thrive Global, and Medium. She has also been a featured expert on several divorce podcasts: Should I Stay or Should I Go, How to Split a Toaster, The Divorce Hour, Divorce Stories, and The Divorce Rehab.

 

FOLLOW OUR GUEST: 

Rhonda Noordyk

Website: https://wfwcdivorce.com/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/rhondanoordyk/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rhondanoordyk/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rhonda.noordyk/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/RhondaNoordyk

Twitter: https://twitter.com/RNoordyk

 

ABOUT YOUR HOST:

Beverly Price is the empowering divorce coach who guides women on their journey before, during, and after divorce to eliminate pain, overwhelm, sadness, and anger and create more knowledge, skill, and peace that she experienced herself. In her 30 years of divorce coaching experience she has help thousands of women move through divorce, fully prepared with skills that enhance the results of their divorce process.

Remember, divorce doesn’t have to be a death sentence. With the right support and guidance, you can move through the process with knowledge, skills, and confidence. If you’d like to schedule a complimentary private consultation, reach out to Beverly at: 

https://Beverly-Price.as.me/ConsultationCall

 

CONTACT YOUR HOST:

Website: http://www.herempowereddivorce.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/her_empowered_divorce

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/herempowereddivorce/

Facebook Group: Her Empowered Divorce Tribe: https://www.facebook.com/groups/herempowereddivorcetribe

Visit https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/her-empowered-divorce/id1635143315 to access the entire archive of Her Empowered Divorce episodes, and while you’re there, please subscribe, rate, and review our show! 

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/7kIcMXrj1tIWBOmaXBBn1U

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@herempowereddivorce1/

 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/beverly-price/

 

A Warm Shoutout To Our Amazing Sponsor: SOBERLINK

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 🔊 Check Out the Divorce Coalition🎉

I'm proud to share that I am now a part of The Divorce Coalition, a united front aiming to "Break the Silence. Break the Cycle." Our mission is to bring understanding, healing, and resilience to the forefront, ending the cycle of abuse one survivor at a time.

🔗 We're here to bridge the gap between silence and strength. Through education and awareness, we aim to enlighten legal experts and uplift survivors, ensuring safer homes for all.

Join us on this transformative journey. Follow [@DivorceCoalitionPage] on social media and learn more at 👉 divorcecoalition.com.

Let's come together, break the silence, and champion a brighter future! #divorcecoalitioni#breakthesilencel#breakthecycleCycle 

Transcripts

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Hi, beautiful. I'm so glad you're here with me today. One of the things that kind of gets under my skin is financial abuse. And the second thing is that so many victims don't even realize that they are being abused. And so what I wanted to do is educate us today on what is financial abuse, how you recognize it, and what you can do. And my guest today is Rhonda Nordyke.

founder and CEO of the Women's Financial Wellness Center. Going to talk with us today about financial abuse. So, hi Rhonda, how are you today?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Hey, good morning. Thank you so much for having me.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

I'm so glad you're here. I know that we've chatted in the past and I can't wait to get your insight on this important topic.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, absolutely.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

So can you tell the audience a little bit about yourself?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Sure, absolutely. So my name is Rhonda Nordyke. I am a certified divorce financial analyst and a really committed advocate for women that are contemplating or going through divorce. I started my company nine years ago this month, so super excited about having, yay, started this path so many years ago and really just have not looked back.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Yay!

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

It's been super powerful and encouraging and certainly challenging as well. But I think we've made some good strides and there's a lot of work to still be done.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

great, that sounds fantastic. And I love that you're so passionate about what you do because that drives everything.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, certainly it does, right? I mean, yeah, absolutely.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

So what would you say is the question of all questions that you get asked most often?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

So the question that I get from women that reach out is, hey Rhonda, am I gonna be okay? Am I going to be fine? And my answer to that is, well, we have to define what fine means to you. Because I think a lot of times, yeah, I think a lot of times people hear from their attorneys, oh, you're gonna be just fine. Oh, you're gonna, you know, they hear from people in their circle, oh, you're gonna be just fine, right? But what does that mean? I mean, I was working with a client recently who I...

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Very good.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

She was just awesome and her husband was a retired physician and she lived in what I called the castle. It was a ginormous house and she was experiencing financial abuse and everybody else was like, hey well where are you going to go live? What's the scoop with the housing? You know blah and she had no income coming in. She wasn't working. They hadn't done any you know temporary support apart from her being able to use the joint credit card.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

But she was an authorized user, so she didn't have access to see what actually was being charged on the card in totality. She could only see, you know, knew what she was spending on it. And it was awful. And at the end of the day, she reached out to three different apartment complexes. Nobody would give her a rental because she didn't have any income coming in. So we strategized and were able to find a place that she was able to show.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

some evidence of really essentially her net worth, was able to work out a creative deal with the apartment complex that I suggested that she reach out to. And she's in a very lovely place, really vibrant little community that has tons of shops below where she's living, lots of energy. But I mean, seriously, if there hadn't been that aspect, they just kept saying, well, you're going to be fine. But nobody was really helping her.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Yeah.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

navigate through. And quite frankly, she might not have been just fine if I hadn't been able to help her navigate through some of that. So.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Exactly. Yes, you might not have been able to find a place. It's terrible. So, so when you talked about financial abuse and that she was being financially abused, tell us a little bit more about that and how, how somebody can recognize it.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Mm-hmm. Yep, it's crazy.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, absolutely. Well, so ultimately financial abuse is a common form of abuse within the marriage. And I think it's one that often gets overlooked, right? I think there's a couple things that people can do to kind of recognize what exactly that is. And I have an acronym for it as I do. I just love acronyms because I think it's a great way for us to learn. But in looking at the word abuse, I have taken each of those letters and

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

associated it with something that can help people recognize it. So the A is alienates spouse from finances. So that one obviously takes the form of, gosh, I really don't know what's going on. I don't have access to passwords. I don't have access to credit card statements. I'm an authorized user and I can use the card, but I have no idea what's going on.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Okay.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Wow.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

they may not have really truly seen the tax returns. So there's a lot of, you know, a lot of pieces that go along with that. And then if a, if a person's husband owns, if a woman's husband owns a business, that's all usually a whole new level of, gosh, I really don't know what's going on with the finances. Cause I know he's got separate, you know, business related accounts and stuff like that. So that's the A, alienate spouse from finances.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Yeah.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

The B is believes marital money is theirs only. So a lot of times the person who is kind of inflicting financial abuse is like, well, this is my money.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Uh huh.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

I've earned it, I've invested it, I've saved it, it's mine. So that's another kind of key subtle, right? But yet a really important opportunity for people to say, huh, is that happening? Do they believe that the money is just theirs? The you is uses the legal system to control the spouse. This is one that if we could spend an entire episode on, but ultimately it's, they're,

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Thank you.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

doing what I call the damn method, which is they're dodging the disclosures, they're avoiding getting assets valued, and they're misrepresenting information. And ultimately, many times people think, oh, well, yeah, they're not supposed to be doing that. And they're in contempt of court and all of these things. Yes, and what's being done about it? I mean, I can tell you just from my experience and the hundreds and hundreds of women that I have served, nobody's spouses ended up in jail because they didn't disclose the financials.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

So I mean, just saying. And I'm sure that you probably haven't seen that either, where there's a lack of accountability.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

and it's raising the legal fees of the victim.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

That's right. And sometimes they don't even have access to a lot of funds to be able to put in the same amount of financial contribution to the legal fees that maybe their spouse does. So it really is a real challenging thing. The S is, seems like the victim. So this is where they position themselves as the victim, like, oh my gosh, this person, they're spending all this money. They're...

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

not being responsible and blah, blah. And at the end of the day, that's really what they're doing. They're just, right, projecting that on the other party. And then the E is evades financial accuracy and transparency. So again, they're just avoiding being fully transparent on where the financials are and what it looks like. And that is a tricky spot to be in, for sure.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Oh

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

And it's all about power and control just like any other abuse is it just manifests itself in a different way There's so much I think that goes along with that in terms of mental verbal emotional abuse that then causes the victim to feel like whatever

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

the abuser is saying is right because they've been conditioned over the years that maybe they don't understand money. Women don't understand finance. You're not smart enough to get it. Oh, I'll take care of it. You know, those kinds of things I think come along with it to compound the facts of the financial abuse.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And you know, a lot of times women will say, well, you know, my husband's a business owner, or my husband's a physician, or my husband is a, you know, financial advisor, and they're so smart. I'm like, okay, I'm not saying they're not smart, but they're probably not quite as smart as they've been leading you to believe that they are, because it keeps you in a position of feeling inferior.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Absolutely. And I think on top of that, for generations, women and girls have been told, you're not as good in math as the boys are. And so I think from an early age, we're groomed to think of that power dynamic that the men knows more, the men handles the finances, that kind of thing as well. Make it extra complicated.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, for sure. And you know, it's interesting, Bev, because I actually saw that when I was in the financial industry, I experienced something very similar. And that was probably, what, 15 years ago, right? And at the end of the day, it was, I had studied and was taking some of the financial-related exams, and I took one of the, one that is considered to be the most challenging, and I...

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

busted my butt and studied like crazy behind the scenes and I passed on the first time, which is a small percentage of people that do. And I remember, you know, reporting back like, hey, I passed, okay, great, what's next? And they're like, you passed? Like, oh, wow, you passed on the first time? Wow, like, you know, they were like, oh yeah, you've got a great personality, but they did not think I would pass on the first time. And I saw little subtle things of that even in

my business relationships that was so frustrating. And I know that over the years, even to today, I have to work on my mindset around that because there was a lot of things that had happened over the years that really, those things can speak louder sometimes in your subconscious, right? And so, if anybody's watching and you're like, oh my gosh, yeah, I have been told that I'm not good at money or I couldn't make it on my own or I'm not smart enough or whatever,

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

All right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

You can. Women are smart. And we can certainly help navigate through and do some of that. But yeah, it's not an easy path to overcome all of those years of being told that you're not good at math or money or finances or whatever.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right, wow. So when women come to you, what would you say are the top three financial challenges that they're facing?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

So there's a couple things, and you alluded to this a little bit earlier, which is the, there's the intangible pieces of things. So like one of the biggest challenges I would say is confidence. And there's a couple things that go into the confidence around money and finance. And that is knowledge of the finances, experience around managing those things, which ultimately then leads to the confidence. And I always say,

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

If we have the knowledge without the experience, it's theory. If we have the experience without the knowledge, it's trial and error, right? But when we get the two things working together, you've got the solid knowledge and the solid experience. It builds and it manifests as confidence, which is great. So I would say that's probably one of the number one things. The second financial challenge is often understanding

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Okay.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

the financial aspects as it relates to the divorce process, what questions to be asking, how to gather and organize the information, how to access the information, how to analyze it, and really how to negotiate. Once you get kind of a lay of the land, right, how do you negotiate those things? And recently I was working with a client whose husband owned a business and he hired an expert to value his business.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Thanks for watching!

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

no problem. The report came back and they said, well, here's what the number is of the business. And she and I met and we kind of looked at it. And I said, well, I think there's a couple of additional questions that we need to be asking. Unfortunately, this gal's attorney was like, well, why are you asking these questions? We use this business valuation expert all the time. I'm comfortable using her number, blah, blah. And I said, I'm not saying the business valuation expert did anything wrong.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Thank you.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

but you have a right to ask questions. You have a right to engage, right, your own expert to at least review the report. So we pushed back on it. I helped her craft some emails to the attorney around the financial aspects. And the attorney said, fine, to appease you. No, there's no appeasing, but okay, to appease you, we'll get another expert. So they did. And this was the best part was my client

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Absolutely.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Oh.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

was in a three-way meeting with the new business valuation expert, her attorney and her. She and the business valuation expert are having conversations. She knew the lingo. She knew the acronyms. She knew what questions to be asking because we had done all this work behind the scenes. At one point, the attorney says, time out. What is this term that you guys keep using? What does that mean?

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Oh

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

And I thought, you know what, exactly. So the business valuation expert that she was working with said, hey, listen, I've reviewed the report. I definitely have some additional questions. From what I can tell, the business valuation that was presented is very conservative. And I think it's light to the tune of about $200,000. So we were able to move the needle $200,000. And just by asking the right questions,

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Ahem.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

all of those kinds of things. And it was like, I got the message from her and I was like, yes, like, yes, because those are the things that are difficult for people to push back or even know what questions to be asking. So I become the sounding board for them, kind of the hub, right? Where, hey, I've got this information, now what? Hey, I've got this information, now what? So I think that certainly is a piece of it. And then the last part.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Absolutely.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

is the other financial challenge is knowing what they should be asking related to support. Now, each state has their own calculation and it's, you know, depends on a lot of different factors, but there's more than one way to run those calculations. The output of the calculators is only as good as the numbers we're putting into the calculator. And there's always a best and a worst case scenario, and I don't think people always, you know, understand what that means.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

It's, hey, here's the support calculation and here's what you'll be getting each month and blah, blah. Well, okay, there's a series of questions we can ask related to that. And we've been able to move the needle there significantly as well because again, you know, at the end of the day, the passion that I have for helping women comes from, listen, I'm done with the whole concept that women's lifestyle goes down 41% after the divorce is over.

I'm done with people saying, hey, oh yeah, can you help me? I just signed the agreement and they're reaching out for the first time. And I have to look at a marital settlement agreement that just makes me sick because they've agreed to things that they shouldn't have. So we really need to be doing a better job of, and I don't wanna say convincing, but influencing people to say, before I even start the process or when I'm very early on in the process, I need to make sure that I've got the right things in place.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm. Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

the right people in place. Because otherwise they're gonna call me, they're gonna call you, and they're gonna say, hey, I've spent 20, 30, 40, 50 grand, I've got nothing to show for it, I'm being bullied into making final decisions. And you add on top of that the financial abuse that's been happening all along, they're just not usually confident or strong enough to stand up for themselves. Not saying they can't, they just need an advocate in those moments for extra strength.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Absolutely. And I always tell my clients that I think now you need a core divorce team. And that consists of a coach, a CDFA, and a legal representative. And those three complement each other. They don't compete with each other, but they come together to create the best result for the client.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Absolutely.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Absolutely.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

100%. And that's one of the things that we teach in my program, right? Is, hey, who's your core team? And then who's your add-on team? Because there will be ancillary people that they may need depending on their situation, right? But, you know, they, there's really three divorces that are happening simultaneously. There's the legal one, the financial one, and then the emotional one, right? And so I am 100% on board with that concept too. And people have a better

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Again, they've got the team of people that's working together on their behalf. The process is better. The people are better, right? Because they're committed to that team approach and the outcome is better.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right. Now you've talked so much about helping women in specifics. Is there anything else you want to add about how you help women going through divorce?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, absolutely, that's awesome.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

So I would say the biggest thing is I have a couple different ways that I will help them. One is I do certainly have a program called Bridge that we're taking them through a process related to the finances. That has been wildly successful. And the cool part about it is the process that now is called Bridge is something that I developed nine years ago when I was first starting my business. And I've taken...

I mean, hundreds and hundreds of women through, but now it has a name, right? So the Bridge program is intended to be structured, yet flexible, give them education around the process, give them the questions to be asking in a systematized way. In addition to that, I will also work with them one-on-one where they can add on and it's called Bridge Plus. So it's the group program plus four private sessions. And that's where we dive into crunching the numbers.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

and looking at more details on options for property division and additional options for support. And what, if they accept the support proposal as it is, what does it mean for them? Bottom line, dollars and cents. And so I would say the thing that people are saying is that they not only are appreciating the advocacy piece, but they're really feeling more confident. They're getting their mojo back, right? They're leaning into the finances.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm. Absolutely.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

And I have always said, even from day one, listen, if I can empower one woman that's going through the divorce process to have a better relationship with money, I've empowered her for a lifetime. Because when the divorce is over, I do a wrap up, I make sure she gets pointed in the right direction, but at that point, my role is done and I start over with somebody else. And so, I've got a limited amount of time to really make an impact that really they can take with them.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

after the divorce is over.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Absolutely. So if you could share just one thing with women who are thinking about divorce, what would you say?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

The one thing that I would say is...

Don't sell yourself short on investing in what you need to make sure that this process goes as smoothly as possible for you. I think a lot of times when people are in the beginning stages of contemplation, there's a couple things that happen. One is they're hopeful that suddenly their spouse is going to have this wonderful epiphany and they're going to be able to skip through the tulips and have these great conversations and get along.

And the harsh reality of it is that might not happen because it hasn't happened, right? So I would just say, you know, be open to making sure that you've got the right team of people and don't wait. Because, you know, I've had a couple of people reach out recently and they're like, yeah, I've got trial in two weeks.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

It's not going to be a whole lot that you and I at that point are going to be able to do for them, right? First of all, they might not even be able to get into our calendars. And secondly, you know, there's been so much that's already been done. Now, as long as the agreements haven't been signed, do I think there's always something that we can influence? Sure. But it's that's challenging. So don't wait. Don't wait till you've spent 10, 20, 30,000. Don't wait until.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

You know, you feel like you're backed up against the wall and you're being, don't, just don't wait, take action early on and be proactive instead of constantly feeling like you're being reactive.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Exactly.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Absolutely. Such great advice. So then there's always the next step, right? The next move they can make. What's your advice on that?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, absolutely. Well, there's a couple things. I mean, but the main thing for me is, okay, let's make sure that we are navigating through that. So certainly the next step is they can reach out. They can take our next best move quiz, which is, you know, helping them navigate through, hey, what is your next best move? And

And then once they do that, they will be directed into the next thing that they can be doing. I think that's an important point, right? Like what's the next thing you can be doing? Cause it certainly can be super overwhelming. But we can help them take that next best move. And really every next best move from that point, you know, it's a series of questions around that. What's next?

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Absolutely.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

And I think overwhelm is so common when you're starting a divorce. Not only from the technical understanding terminology, but just life. Learning how to cope without someone sharing the tasks. Learning how to deal with things you've never dealt before. So anything that can chip away at that overwhelm, I'm just totally in favor of.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Absolutely.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

So I always like to ask my guests for three actionable tips that women can use right away to improve their journey. And what would you suggest?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

So I was thinking about this, because I think there's a lot of things that people could do, right? But I am very much in alignment with your mindset too. It's like, okay, we need small, actionable steps. So the first thing is, now again, this is related to our topic today, right? Which is the financial abuse aspect. So the first thing is women can request their credit report. And they can also download Credit Karma. Now, the reason I like Credit Karma,

versus just getting the report is it's proactive. So if there are changes, it's gonna push out a notification, it's free. I love it, I've been using it for probably eight years just as a test and it's been fantastic. So that's one thing. The second thing is women become really good private investigators when they have to be. And so just the heightened sense of watching the mail, watching, you know, the, oh, look what was open on the computer. Oh, look what was on the, you know, just being extra aware.

And the subset to that is getting an app. So you can get a, it's called Tiny Scanner. There's a bunch of them. I like Tiny Scanner. And it's an app you can put on your phone that you could take pictures of documents. Now that can get a little bit tricky if you're all kind of on the same plan or whatever. So you have to kind of monitor that. But it's a great way for people to start kind of building that repository of documents or things that they might be finding.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right, right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Um, and the last thing is requesting IRS transcripts. As long as you file joint, right. For, uh, last year, you can go to the IRS directly and request the transcripts and you don't need your spouse's signature to do that. One other thing that we learned recently, uh, for anybody that's listening, that has a child that's going to be going to college and you're filling out the, that blasted FAFSA form, which is just always so much work, painful, right?

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right, painful.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

I had a client that was doing that reached out and she hadn't had access to the finances and was experiencing financial abuse, but she was filling out that paperwork. And the way that they've structured that, which is a whole lot different than when we were filling it out, is it's actually connected to the IRS website. So if you put in certain parameters, it will pull in the most recent tax information. So she was sitting there filling out the form for her child to go to college and

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Interesting.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

That auto populated and she sent me a message. She goes, Rhonda, for the first time, I saw what the actual income is and I feel sick to my stomach because I have been led to believe that, you know, I'm spending too much on groceries and you know, blah, and this is just super eye opening. The one thing that I will say about, you know, as they're doing those things is again, kind of back to the, to bring it back to the emotional part.

You can get that information, right? You can get the tax returns, you can get the credit karma, you can get, you know, find documents and all that stuff. The question is, what do you do when you find it? And I don't mean logistically, what do you do with it? I mean emotionally, because you're probably going to feel like you got sucker punched. You're probably going to feel like you've been led to believe that there's nothing there and now you're sitting on a much larger estate or much larger income than you thought.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Right.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Or on the flip side, there's a lot more debt than what you've been led to believe. And I think we're just, we're not always prepared emotionally on how to do that. I know one just simple thing that I will tell my clients is, you know, just one of the things you can say is, huh, isn't that interesting? Rather than what the, you know, it helps neutralize a little bit, but that's where somebody like you comes in because it is very overwhelming. And so anyways, those are the three kind of just really simple.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Mm-hmm.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

practical things that I would suggest.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Yeah, I always like to suggest looking at things from a curiosity standpoint rather than a self judgment standpoint. Yeah.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, yep, absolutely.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Rhonda, you are so incredibly knowledgeable and have helped so many women. I'm sure some in our audience are going to want to connect with you. How can they do that?

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yeah, absolutely. So the best place to go is probably my website, wfwcdivorce.com. Couple things that they can check out there. There's more information about our Bridge program. Certainly my podcast, which we just renamed, Disrupting Divorce, Conversations for Women. Yes, and the blog articles as well. So lots of information that they can check out there.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Okay.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Oh!

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

but would love to have a conversation and see kind of where they're at and how we might be able to help them.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Is there anything else you'd like to share? I think you might've mentioned a master class.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yes, absolutely. So the master class is also available on the website under the bridge experience. So certainly that's something that they can check out there and it's free.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

Wow, that's great. Thank you so much for being my guest today. This has been just a very incredibly helpful session, both on financial abuse and also just preparation for divorce that I think is incredible. Thank you very much.

Rhonda Noordyk, CDFA (:

Yes, thank you for having me.

Her Empowered Divorce Coach (:

And to our listeners, thank you so much for being with Rhonda and me on this episode of Her Empowered Divorce. All of Rhonda's information will be available in the show notes along with mine. And this and all our episodes can be found at herempoweredivorce.com on the podcast page or wherever you listen to podcasts. And you can also watch the video version on our YouTube channel, Her Empowered Divorce.

Please share this story with your friends so that we can reach out and help as many women as possible. And join me for our next episode where I'll be diving deeper into what other expert professionals can share to help you on your journey. And remember, you can find more information about how my divorce and empowerment coaching can help you eliminate pain and overwhelm and create more knowledge and happiness at her empowered divorce.

And if you're wondering how a divorce can help you, just look for my free ebook called Why a Divorce Coach. The link is in the show notes as well. Until next time, stay empowered.

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