In the Summer of 2008, Tory Leggat took the leap to move from Seattle to NYC with no job and no real friends, but all the optimism and pluck of a 22-year old ready to live out a dream of a year in the Big Apple. But when the (financial) world crumbled within days of her arrival to NYC, Tory had to recalibrate her expectations for work, personal finances, and community—and also her perspective on living out her one-year ‘passion project’. Being lonely, jobless, and aimless in NYC, Tory learned the value of being pot-committed on scary things, saying ‘yes’ to everything and going all out to live the biggest life possible. 

Throughout this journey, and many others since, Tory thoughtfully reflected on these life lessons and others, and began articulating them as ‘guidelines’ for her life. Accumulating these rules for living—like “Remember what YOU are trying to do and forget others’ commentary on it“, “Don’t stress spending money on great experiences” or “Appreciate your job”—she’s created a wise-beyond-her-years framework for big-life-living.

Listen to Tory as she shares this framework, being challenged by the realization that the wonderful, big-life she had lived (happy, comfortable and optimized for fun) was coming up against the even-better life she wanted to live (sacrificial, meaningful and bigger than herself). 

Takeaways:

• Remember the variables
• Spot the opportunities
• Don't take too much advice
• Own what you're trying to do

Question of the Day

What variables do you have in your life that you're overlooking?

What's true for your Experience Self at this point in your life? Describe what you see for your Narrative Self?

Links from the Episode

Lehman Brothers Declares Bankruptcy

Alexander West: custom men's dress shirts

Yuval Harari on the Armchair Expert podcast

Book: 'Principles' by Ray Dalio

Book: 'A Million Miles in a Thousand Years' by Donald Miller

Book: 'Shoe Dog' by Phil Knight

Book: 'Ride of a Lifetime' by Bob Iger

Book: '12 Rule for Life' by Jordan Peterson

Music by Hygge - "Quarantrap". Please follow her on SoundCloud

Highlights and Timestamps

[6:45] Who is Tory?

[9:42] How did people respond when she told them she was moving to New York City

[14:30] Moving into the heart of a financial crisis, by accident

[23:47] Learning. a lesson about jobs and networking

[32:57] What did Tory get out of the experience?

[41:23] What affected Tory going forward in her life?

[47:44] Narrative Self vs Experience Self

Tory Leggat: From a passion project perspective, jumping into it, even if it's uncomfortable, it is helping you write a narrative for your life that you're going to be really proud of. And I think that's what came into play with the 50 year old women who were like shaking me and saying, do it move to New York is because they arrived at a point in their lives where they were like, I, you know, I've made a pleasant life, but what, what story have I written with it?

[00:00:46] Jake Smeester: Have you ever thought to yourself, especially when you were younger, I'd like to go live in a really unique place for a year? Maybe it's London, Rome, Singapore, or New York. Our guests in this episode did just that in 2008, Tori Lego, one of our friends, she packed up all. She had, she put down all her money to rent an apartment in New York city.

[00:01:23] We'll get some more of that in a bit. But in this episode, you'll get to hear about Tory's experience and a lot of lifetime lessons she learned from, Hey,

[00:01:59] Ryan Holdeman: Caroline legate.

[00:02:07] Welcome to this podcast. Um, just before we, we started, we were kind of talking before you actually jumped on the call. We were talking about the things that we like about you and the things that we appreciate about you. And one of the things, one of the reasons why I wanted to chat with you is primarily your experience, um, as with having a passion project in New York several years ago, um, we want to kind of dive into like what led that, um, what that has kind of done for you since that time, and just kind of like your learnings and experiences from that.

[00:02:58] And so that is one of the things that I think is just really cool is that you did something that a lot of people have said. Um, they want to do and you went out and did it. Yeah. So good

[00:03:11] Jake Smeester: Thanks so much. All right. That's the show. So, yeah,

[00:03:26] Uh, glue and hat is consistently working on big accounts and helping those big accounts realize all of their kind of crazy ideas, which is, um, really tough to do. Especially year after year after year. Um, you know, cause cause big accounts have really crazy big ideas and don't like it when those crazy big ideas don't happen.

[00:04:03] Tory Leggat: Advisor, I would

[00:04:11] And then I've gotten a chance to work with Tori for a really long time and be friends with her for even longer. And one of the things that happens all the time, and this is no joke consistently for, you know, 19 years I've had people say, Tori is one of the funniest people I've ever known. Tori is one of the best.

[00:05:00] And it's from all sorts of age groups, um, it's from all sorts of different life contexts and stuff. And so just like Tori is one of the most amazing people that I know. And one of the best friends that I know,

[00:05:19] You do to get to work with me?

[00:05:23] Jake Smeester: she's a huge pain in the ass I'd like to,

[00:05:30] Jake Smeester: is the character that I feel like I always compare you to, uh,

[00:05:40] Oh my gosh, what is her name card from star Trek. The next generation,

[00:06:02] Ryan Findley: fashions herself after Tori, actually

[00:06:08] Jake Smeester: Well, I would say more tea. I mean, I don't really know Tina Fey, but I don't know. Tina Fey I'll just go with Tina Fey. Okay. Yep.

[00:06:23] Jake Smeester: kind of helped to get her started. Great. So Tara we've, we've talked you up a little bit.

[00:06:41] Tory Leggat: So, um, yeah. How Ryan described it was, was accurate. So I work with, um, our enterprise accounts.

[00:07:18] Um, Otherwise professionally, I have jumped all over the place, which is part of, kind of the New York story.

[00:07:30] Tory Leggat: Yeah. Yeah. So I work with a crew which was former formerly campus crusade for Christ. So that's the account I've had for the last five ish years.

[00:08:11] Jake Smeester: back to, um, New York.

[00:08:33] So it's very meta and that's why we want to chat with you about this passion project, um, that you did in New York. So walk us through, if you could step back, like, what was that year like, um, and how did it get started and why did you do it?

[00:08:53] I had moved to Seattle with a friend, um, at the end of college and I moved there without a place to live or a job and everything worked out perfectly. Um, I found a job that was really interesting and I got to learn a ton there. Um, we met an incredible group of friends, found a perfect place to live. It was just a great couple years.

[00:09:23] Jake Smeester: you're talking about. When moved to Seattle

[00:09:34] Um, so I knew I didn't want to be in Seattle for, um, ever. I had just kind of wanted to try out that, that city. Um, and I started, I heard three different people talk about trips to New York, um, within a couple of weeks. And so I sort of was just like, I think I'd like to live in New York at some point. This is probably the easiest time to do that.

[00:10:16] Kind of step into it. So that's what New York started as. Um, one thing that was really interesting actually early on when I started telling people like, yeah, I think next year I'm gonna move to New York. Um, women who were in their like forties, fifties would like take me by the shoulders and say like good for you.

[00:10:58] Who's like, go do it. I wish I had done it. Um, so that was a, just a funny thing that kept happening. Um, Yeah. So then I moved to New York. I quit, I quit my job in June in Seattle, so that I could have the summer off, which was really a smart thing to do. And then, um, I moved to New York. It wasn't smart. That was sorry.

[00:11:24] Jake Smeester: you probably weren't out of college for that long. And so you probably just like tired of working in during the summer. Well, for

[00:11:32] Tory Leggat: so I had only had one summer where I worked and I kept being like, we're just going to, we're all just going to keep showing up, not taking a single, single couple months off.

[00:11:54] Ryan Findley: because I don't know if it was well caught in the recording. Can you just say again, at what point you moved to New York?

[00:12:04] Ryan Findley: something that really nice time. It was like,

[00:12:15] Jake Smeester: Yeah. Yeah. Lots of job opportunities. Yeah.

[00:12:22] I was turning down job.

[00:12:29] Tory Leggat: of debt. Yeah. The great thing was I found a sleepy little part of town called the financial district, uh, in order to get an apartment there actually, cause you know, I didn't have a job. Um, I had to prepay for the whole year, so I wrote a check for almost the entire amount that I had in my account, in a cashier's check.

[00:12:56] Ryan Holdeman: Yeah. Talk about that moment. When you, you got to check for all of your money. Yeah, that is, I know new York's cheap to live in, but still a whole year, it was quite an quite a number. What was that like? You're committing to this year for sure at that point.

[00:13:14] Tory Leggat: Which I hadn't known I was going to have to do when I got there. I mean, I was like pretty committed, cause all my stuff was on a truck barreling toward New York, but um, yeah, writing a check for all the money I had was. Maybe

[00:13:34] There was not a lot of jobs out there, 2008. Um, and so that's why it was a little bit crazy was so you actually having to pay up front referral. Was that like, was that a normal thing? Something they just did. Is that sound something they did during the crisis

[00:13:58] So if your monthly rent is $2,000, you have to have, um, at least a hundred thousand dollars in your salary. So at that point that wasn't gonna happen for me. And, um, my rent was $2,100 a month. So, um, for 375 square foot studio apartment. Um, so that's why I had to prepay because I knew even once I got a job, I wasn't going to qualify for it based on my salary.

[00:14:46] And then everyone was ringing all the bells that it was going to be really terrible. So, so where's your

[00:15:02] Where are you at mentally at this moment around this passionate decision to go to New York, that all these ladies said do it.

[00:15:26] This is all going to be great. So I was more determined to be like, this is going to be one heck of a year because I'm not going to be proven wrong. Um, So I was freaked out, but also like everything's gonna be fine. Right. I'm an idiot. I'm 22. I don't know what's going to happen. Um, so I didn't know to freak out as much as I probably should have,

[00:15:50] Ryan Findley: still kind of had, I mean, I guess you had some hopes at that point that like still there would be like some jobs, right?

[00:16:00] Jake Smeester: an AU pair or

[00:16:13] Tory Leggat: Yeah. Right when I was moving there. So I had worked for a big financial advising firm and the people in my office had said like, do you want us to connect you to the New York office?

[00:16:31] Ryan Holdeman: I watch sex in the city. I know there's interesting stuff

[00:16:37] Tory Leggat: I thought I was going to get something really cool and that I had as a backup this financial advising firm.

[00:16:56] Ryan Holdeman: Wait, what about the lead and Phantom of the opera that wasn't still out there?

[00:17:05] Jake Smeester: Um, no, you must've turned it down. You probably remembering that incorrectly, I guess, hold them into statuses. Like, so you weren't like really didn't know, I'm assuming kind of like, you know, like Ryan and Ryan and myself, like we had never been through a financial crisis, so we didn't actually know what that, you know, we're like, Oh, that affects people, I guess.

[00:17:28] Tory Leggat: First couple of weeks were amazing because I was like in New York, you, I mean, you really do feel like an energy. There. There's all kinds of stuff going on. The news is all talking about wall street and I was like literal blocks away from wall street.

[00:18:13] Ryan Holdeman: when a person pursues something passionate, right?

[00:18:35] I mean, literally he didn't even think about it being this bad of an idea, probably. So I think that's really just interesting to put, uh, you know, if we're making a bulletin board of this conversation, like let's put a Thumbtack in that, that he'd got off to a bad start.

[00:19:02] I won't get work. Um, you know, which ended up being sort of true, but I'm still glad I did it because it's still true. That that was the easiest time for me to be there. And, um, so yeah, it was kind of nice that I was already committed. The other thing too about paying for the apartment is like, no one could say like, you should actually just go somewhere else.

[00:19:29] Ryan Holdeman: So w what would you say was like the, was the lowest point still to come? Or was it the lowest? Have we already hit the

[00:19:48] So I was starting with like hedge funds and things in entertainment and like photography, um, and just, I didn't have any experience in that stuff. So of course I didn't get any callbacks. Cause the other thing in New York city is you're competing with the best of the best in all of those fields, which I didn't really understand.

[00:20:09] Tory Leggat: don't remember the first one, but I remember the low 0.1 was there was a poster or I'm a nanny position. So I was an elementary ed major in college. Um, I was, I had just gotten, well, two years earlier, I had done student teaching with kindergartners.

[00:20:49] I lived down the street from you. So, um, the post was for a family who lived in Tribeca. I was like 20 blocks away, um, where I lived. And so I, you know, I'm like, at least I'm going to get this job. Um, so I write a cover letter. That's super personable about how I work. I've worked with kids, all this stuff. I don't even hear back from them.

[00:21:29] Ryan Holdeman: Wait, what language did you write? The cover letter? And that might've

[00:21:31] Tory Leggat: where you,

[00:21:36] Jake Smeester: man. I just want to put on the record. I

[00:21:43] Jake Smeester: that being

[00:22:06] Cause it's like, wow, I can, and this is hard or this is embarrassing or this sucks. If you don't have something, that's sort of like holding me to it.

[00:22:19] Tory Leggat: at this point? No. No. In fact, I think I was grateful that I was so committed because no matter what thoughts other people had for what I should do, it was sort of like, no I'm here.

[00:22:41] Ryan Holdeman: You started to say how you did get a job? I

[00:22:53] Ben lived in the city, um, and invited me to a new year's Eve party with his friends. And so I met one of his friends, Alex and Alex was describing how he had just posted a position for his company. And he got 800 resumes in the first day. And he's like, what do you even do with 800 resumes? Which was helpful for me to hear, because I understood my resumes, just landing in a pile of them for anyone who has a job posting.

[00:23:44] So that's how I finally got a job.

[00:24:15] Is there like a. Is there like a lesson and networking or a lesson and letting people help you or something that came out of all

[00:24:35] And so I was sort of like, yeah, of course, I'm, you know, I'm a college graduate, of course I'm gonna have a great job. And I didn't appreciate what they were building into me, what opportunities they gave me at that first job. Um, but being unemployed really made me like appreciate having a job as a really big thing that someone's going to offer to pay you a ton of money to represent their company, um, to show up to people, to make decisions on their behalf.

[00:25:07] Ryan Holdeman: I just had a mentor one time tell me that. He said, you know, you're trying to get downtown. And you're only letting people engage with you in the question of like, Hey, where's the bus stop instead of talking to them about where you're trying to get, like you're trying to get downtown, Oh, I'm driving downtown right now on a hop in.

[00:25:43] Tory Leggat: Yeah. Well, and I would say I, so I've never in my life, I've been working since the day I turned 14 and it was legal.

[00:26:18] Anyone invites you to. Cause even if you don't end up being like great friends with that person, you'll meet all the people around them too. Um, which is definitely that's benefited me my whole career. So that was like saying yes to the new year's Eve party with Ben, even though I didn't know anyone, a lot of people would have been intimidated by that.

[00:26:45] Jake Smeester: to others. One thing I do remember about that time, cause I was working at rock bottom brewery in downtown Denver at the time, um, while in grad school. And I just remember, you know, you know, guys in suits that look like they're coming from, you know, like a big office building come to drop off there.

[00:27:23] Right. And it was like, it just was, man, that was a tough time. It was, it was just, it was horrible.

[00:27:46] And so they kind of get caught up in, what's hard about it. And I'm like, I really just want you to go work somewhere else for a little bit and then come back so you can appreciate how much people are pouring into you. How fortunate you are to have a job like that. You can do remotely. Now. I think there are a lot of parallels to that.

[00:28:14] Jake Smeester: your office have snacks like M and M's enough.

[00:28:20] Jake Smeester: hashtag blessed.

[00:28:30] Tory Leggat: Yeah, so, uh, I ended up working for a custom men's dress shirt company, um, and had to become an expert again, men's wear my mom called that job, measuring men's chests, which was actually sort of accurate measuring men's chests. Yeah. Yeah. That was really good.

[00:28:59] Tory Leggat: you on this call have purchased shirts from that company. So

[00:29:06] Jake Smeester: nobody, I mean, do I have big enough chest for it, I guess now that

[00:29:24] Jake Smeester: And did you hate it? Did you love it? Was it just, w was it a, just a good job or were you just thankful to have it and.

[00:29:37] It was nothing like anything I studied and it was nothing like my first job. Um, and novelty is my favorite. I love new things. So getting to learn, and I don't even really care about women's fashion. Nevermind men's fashion. So, but I care about it now. So I got to learn all about it. I, they actually, um, paid for me to take classes in image consulting, um, at fit, which was really cool.

[00:30:17] Ryan Holdeman: That was the, that was the first tailored piece of clothing I owned. And the experience was interesting cause I.

[00:30:44] Like you were watching motorist. And I was like, wait a minute. What that meant? We've

[00:31:04] Ryan Findley: Have you heard of what's the Walmart brand?

[00:31:20] Ryan Holdeman: I'm only gonna wear this one shirt the rest of my day.

[00:31:27] T-shirts

[00:31:31] Jake Smeester: yeah. With stains on them. So who cares?

[00:31:39] Tory Leggat: even in college.

[00:31:59] So just like sweat pants, shorts.

[00:32:14] Jake Smeester: it. If you'll notice I'm wearing a collared shirt. And when I went Maggie, yeah, I was just like, well, I gotta be ready for it.

[00:32:30] Ryan Findley: short sleeves.

[00:32:36] Jake Smeester: I actually was, I was wearing full pants today. It was cool enough to wear full pants.

[00:32:46] Tory Leggat: And then Maggie helped you out with

[00:33:05] What was it like, you know, getting to understand like how this crazy city that it's like, unlike any other city in the world, like operates and being a part of that. Like, did you feel like you belonged? Was it, did it feel like home? I don't know. Just maybe walk us through the next couple of years.

[00:33:22] Good, good questions actually, because I think New York is unique. I mean, I'm sure other cities are unique in different ways. Um, but New York stands out from a, um, professional perspective. People are there to like achieve in their jobs. So there, you know, Often people move out of the city when they have kids or when they're kind of in different phases.

[00:34:06] So people just didn't have a lot of time to spend with me. I ended up spending a lot of time on my own. Um,

[00:34:17] Tory Leggat: I did have to work during the summer, which was, yeah. Um, but the other great thing about living in New York and having any square footage, cause I didn't have a lot, um, was that you get visitors.

[00:34:52] Um, but now I appreciate. That I got to spend, you know, six weeks within, in New York, um, and a weekend with, with Ryan. Um, no, but that, but then I got to spend that much time, like experiencing this cool city. I got to, I got to show people around. I got to know what I thought they would like and show them those kinds of things.

[00:35:31] Um, so I'm really grateful that I got to do that. When I

[00:35:49] Tory Leggat: I still recommend to people because we had the genius idea of, we wanted to do the empire state building, but I only wanted to do it once.

[00:36:21] Hmm.

[00:36:39] Ryan Findley: Wait.

[00:36:43] Ryan Findley: started looking at my pictures from, uh, well, scrolling back to that time so I can take pictures so I could see the pictures that we took. And I ran into this guy.

[00:37:05] Jake Smeester: This all looks nothing like me.

[00:37:12] Ryan Holdeman: Uh, finger, right, sir. Right before that, uh, tourist. So you're, you're approaching. So you're purchasing the end of your 12 month paid prepaid time in New York. I'm kind of curious where your head's at your are you feeling like I've, I've covered it.

[00:37:45] Tory Leggat: Yeah. Good. It's a good question. I, um, more felt like, okay, I did it. Um, so not like I've got to get out of here and I was sad to leave, but I was ready. Um, certainly not that I had mastered it. Um, I never felt like I really did this because the amount that I worked in, the money that I made never made up for my expenses.

[00:38:30] And then New York where I said I was going to be there for a year. And I started to have kind of like a short timers view on making friends in a place, investing in anything like, so volunteering with things in those places, I was like, ah, I'm only here for a short amount of time, so I'm not going to do that stuff.

[00:39:03] Was

[00:39:22] Tory Leggat: Yeah, it was interesting. Cause I felt with real new Yorkers, I felt like an outsider. Like I wasn't one of them. Um, but then like around tourists, I was like, Oh, like I was on the side of the new Yorkers, you know, like walk faster. Um, but uh, you could tell it was a city going through trauma. And what was interesting is I lived, um, I lived on the West side highway, but just South of ground zero CFN I guess it was an interesting, um, just South of ground zero.

[00:40:28] And so you did feel that, that you could just feel that it was a tough place to be, um, right around wall street. Um, but also that the financial district of New York. So after September 11th, all the banks actually moved to Midtown. So it's still called the financial district, but it's other than wall street, it's not.

[00:41:04] And interestingly, the like restaurants weren't open at night, cause it was only people who lived there. So tourists weren't there at night. So it was really, if I came off the subway in the financial district, it was really pretty quiet, um, there, so it just had kind of a, kind of an eerie feeling,

[00:41:29] Like what are some things that you feel like you could have maybe would have done differently? What were some things that like really, really affected how you see and operate now?

[00:41:50] Like there's all this stuff going on in the world. Um, I have been thinking about, I wish I had taken better advantage of being in New York. Like I wished I had spent more time with like, you are here for a year. This is it. This is such an experience, like get out there and do as much as you can. Um, so I spent a lot of time worrying about like, I'm not making enough money.

[00:42:44] And I was like, that would be so cool to do each one of those walks and kind of see what I noticed. And what's the difference in all the neighborhoods and stuff and kind of write down what I thought. And then I just never ended up doing it. Like I just wish I had done more of that stuff. I wish I'd had the courage to just like take advantage of what that season was.

[00:43:27] So that's been really helpful to think about, um, from the learning of what I was disappointed in.

[00:43:46] Tory Leggat: Remember? So the, the sort of principles I think I walked away from that with one of my favorites is remember the variables. So I think there are things that like, we can change if we want to they're variable. And we act like they're set that, that certain things are fixed. So I was a little too wrapped around the idea that I needed to.

[00:44:19] Ryan Holdeman: um, there are things that tend to be in that category, like your job or what, one of the things that we tend to think are fixed, but are actually variables.

[00:44:42] I hear people say that all the time I moved when I was 10, my sister was a sophomore in high school. Like we made it through, it made us more resilient. You know? Like there just are these things that we kind of let. Trap us in certain, in certain ways that it's okay if that's your decision. But I think we forget that it's a decision we can make.

[00:45:24] Or if I lived there, I'd live in New Jersey because it's cheaper. And it was like, no, that's not what I'm going for. Like, I want to live in the heart of the city and only be there for a year. And I really did know that. Um, so I was glad that I stuck to it. I don't know how I. Knew to do that, but, um, I'm glad I did.

[00:46:01] Um, and I forgot that when I started getting stressed about like, everyone's going to think it's irresponsible that I'm not earning that money back, that I had saved rather than just being like cool thing that I saved it when I was a teenager. And now I have this opportunity and there's more time to make money in the future.

[00:46:24] Ryan Holdeman: good tips. I wrote done spot the opportunities. Remember the variables, don't take too much advice and own what you're trying to do.

[00:46:39] That definitely resonates with me too. Like, because I've been on some trips and traveled and I just remember like thinking, well, okay, I can't spend $10 at this place. I can always spend six. Otherwise I won't have enough. And it's just like, you know, I just, just a joy when you're there, especially when you're young and it's like, you don't have any money anyway.

[00:47:04] Tory Leggat: and you will make more money when you're older. Like when you have more experience, you'll make more money. And now I'm like, Oh, I would write a check all day to 25 year old me to like, do some more cool things. And I was, instead of thinking, I needed to be responsible and like save money for future me, which is like, no, not when you're like doing a cool thing.

[00:47:27] Ryan Holdeman: Thousand dollars that you saved that year really,

[00:47:37] Ryan Holdeman: Well, I'm kind of curious you, um, I'm going to go into like our pre show here for a second, but I know that you've been thinking about these, this concept of like experience of a narrative self, which in my mind ties into like the New York experience feels to me, like it plays into this, you know, here you are, you know, 15 years later or whatever, um, sort of framing up your life and how to take risks and how to make, you know, Controlled decisions as well.

[00:48:18] Tory Leggat: Yeah. Um, so I heard on, um, my favorite podcast, arbitrary expert, um, uh,

[00:48:28] Tory Leggat: I haven't experienced this one yet, so we'll see.

[00:48:51] Although I haven't kind of thought about that comparison, um, right now. So I'm 37 employed own a house and. My life is really like simple and good. Um, but so my experiential self is really satisfied. I wake up, um, in a day and I can choose what to do with that day. It's all about me. It's what I feel like for that day.

[00:49:41] Like it's tough. So their day is not about them at all. Drake. And then you guys are experiencing this right now, but. You, you, you kind of live your lives for other people right now. So your, your days aren't about you. So your experiential self is suffering right now, but for the sake of your narrative self.

[00:50:27] So my day to day internal conversation is it'll be a lot harder, but I won't have the nagging anxiety of like, is this really all I want my life to be about? Because I know I'll be doing something that I feel like is important. Um, So that's how that framework has been helping me recently. Um, Ryan, do you see a parallel to New York

[00:51:08] That's like now I'm now all the security that I had is gone. Um, you know, I can't find a job. I, you know, the finding a job is terrifying, terrifying, and the daily steps, but then when you, you know, so fast forward 15 years and look back on it and you go, man, I am freaking awesome. I took a whole year to move to New York and I.

[00:51:57] And what potentially plays out is actually that the way I've thought about this is I get stuck sometimes helping others with their project instead of tackling my own project. And what I think happens there is my experiential self I'm using. I'm like, um, I'm practicing your words. So I haven't necessarily adopted these words before, but, um, my experiential self is getting immediate gratification from some helping someone else and them going, wow, thank you for helping me or them paying me.

[00:52:42] I want to be the type of person that sets aside. The instant gratification or the, uh, the urgent to tackle the important. Um, and so I think that if I, you know, I hear what I imagine is it having that year of New York and all the scary, hard things about it, and all of the special things about it in your back pocket is like this confidence component.

[00:53:22] Tory Leggat: of it. Totally. Yeah. It definitely, it definitely is a confidence booster in terms of, I can throw myself into a really bad experience and get out of it and, and really enjoy it.

[00:53:57] Decisions. Um, but then looking back that really does write the narrative that you're looking for. Like, you are a trustworthy coworker. You've learned to have high character in the face of like tough decisions. You're someone people can rely on. You've done cool projects and you feel this satisfaction of having moved them forward, but that never feels true every day.

[00:54:37] But the 50 year old women who were like shaking me and saying, do it move to New York is because they arrived at a point in their lives where they were like, I, you know, I've made a pleasant life, but what, what story have I written with it? I wished I had done a lot more. So I'm really glad to not have those regrets.

[00:55:11] Tory Leggat: Good. Yeah. Yeah. Which is why you can't really take people's advice. You just kind of, you know what you're doing.

[00:55:24] Jake Smeester: I think

[00:55:38] I do not know the true title of that book, but, um, you know, sort of that idea that we're sort of characters in a story and

[00:55:48] Ryan Findley: there is a there's necessarily like tension and conflict and, um, you know, any good story is going to have like a dip in it as well as a climax and things that we have to do to get out of our comfort zone.

[00:56:15] Tory Leggat: that's a good question. I, um, cause it is a great story

[00:56:19] Jake Smeester: think

[00:56:28] You had awesome six week long guests. Uh, but, but I don't know if that was like, present for you in that moment or if it's more like in retrospect.

[00:56:37] Tory Leggat: I don't think I was trying to write a good story. I was just trying to like live a fun life. Um, my personality type is just constantly pursuing fun, um, which I'm really grateful for it because it means I often find fun.

[00:57:06] And then this like really incredible musicians started playing there and he just like, couldn't get over how cool it was. And I was like, I want to put myself in a situation where incredible things can happen. And it sounds like new York's the spot for that. Um, now it feels like, Oh, I'm glad I wrote that kind of story, but I don't, I don't think that was in mind at that point.

[00:57:27] Jake Smeester: Tara, we're almost at time. Um, we like to ask different people, just kind of some basic stuff, just like, like, first of all, like what are, you've already mentioned that your favorite podcasts, armchair experts. I think it performs about second to this podcast actually in terms of popularity. Um, what about books?

[00:57:58] Tory Leggat: so my favorite genre right now is people who have lived interesting lives, looking back on their lives and saying, these are the principles I've learned to be true.

[00:58:29] Um, so that one's really interesting. He's a really, like, he looks at his life really mechanically. So it was harder for me to relate to, but fascinating to see that kind of view of it. My favorite book in that genre is shoe dog. So I'm Phil Knight. The founder of Nike talks through his whole story. And the friend who recommended that book to me, he said the last 50 pages are gold, but you have to read the whole book to understand how meaningful the last 50 pages are.

[00:59:23] He's like, it's the people who are loyal. It's the people who would stick with me in it, um, who served tirelessly. So he just goes through who all those people are. And then another one similar to that is, um, Bob Uyghurs right. Of a lifetime. So he was the, he ran Disney for 25 years. And did all the acquisitions of star Wars and all that stuff.

[00:59:47] Jake Smeester: A real hero. Is there any, like kind of challenge that kind of came about kind of, from your perspective on passion projects that you would share? Um, whether it's like, uh, like a daily routine or weekly routine, or even just like a lifetime, um, Challenge like to do at least once in your life. Does that make sense?

[01:00:09] Tory Leggat: Yeah. Um, yeah, I think I'll go for the daily weekly though. Uh, is the part of it I'll choose to answer. Um, my most successful thing in life has been being really intentional about the people that I am around. Um, so even like, you guys are three of my best friends and you're starting a podcast talking about passion projects.

[01:00:53] Jake Smeester: Thank you so much for joining and being a part of this pageant Patsy project. Um, yeah, I don't know what I just call it. I might've misspoke either way. Thank you for joining. This has been really again, what I keep saying this one of the best things about doing this podcast is just having a lot more varied conversations with friends.

[01:01:29] Thanks for listening to the interesting lives of normal people. If you liked what you heard, we'd really appreciate you giving us a review and rating and telling your friends it really helps new people find us. Thanks again to Tory for chatting with us, and also thank you to Huga for letting us use her music.