Shownotes
What if peace was never about a quiet life, but something you cultivate? Host Niharika talks with musician and writer April Stace about why inner peace is a practice, not a set of ideal circumstances.
April shares why peace is about acceptance rather than control, a simple breathing practice for giving your mind a break, and why making room for real fun and beauty is one of the most overlooked paths back to calm.
About the Guest:
April Stace is a musician, harpist, and writer who draws on many of the world's spiritual traditions in her own practice. She is also a mother, and often points to noticing beauty and making space for fun as everyday signs of inner peace.
Key Takeaways:
- Inner peace is something cultivated from within, not something dependent on a quiet life.
- Peace is closer to acceptance than control, chasing control can actually block it.
- Losing interest in things you'd normally find beautiful can be a quiet warning sign.
- A short daily breathing practice gives your mind a real, brief rest.
- Setbacks are a chance to practice non-judgment, not proof that the work failed.
Connect With April Stace:
Website: aprilstace.com
Episode Chapters:
[00:00] Welcome to Inner Peace, Better Health (approx.)
[02:00] Meet April Stace (approx.)
[06:00] The Biggest Misconception About Inner Peace (approx.)
[14:00] Peace as Acceptance, Not Control (approx.)
[22:00] Making Room for Fun and Beauty (approx.)
[30:00] A Simple Breathing Practice (approx.)
[35:00] Where to Find April (approx.)
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Transcripts
00:00:07 Niharika: Hey, listeners. This. There's a moment most of us know too well. Um, you're moving through your day, checking boxes, managing everything, and suddenly you're just tightens your breath, gets shallow, and you realize you haven't truly relaxed in hours, maybe days. And you wonder, is this just how life is now? And what if I told you that inner peace isn't something you can find at the end of your to do list, but something you can access right in the middle of chaos?
00:00:47 Niharika: Welcome to Inner Peace, BetterHelp. I'm Niharika, and I'm so glad you're here with us today. This is a place where we explore the profound connection, connection between a calm mind and a healthy body, where we slow down together And remember that well-being isn't a destination. It's a practice. Today I'm joined by April. April's teas, and we are going to explore what it really means to find peace when everything around you feels anything but peaceful. Welcome, April. It's so great to have you here.
00:01:32 April Stace: It's so good to be here. Thank you.
00:01:35 Niharika: So to start with, I think a lot of people believe that inner peace means having a quiet problem, free life. What's the biggest misconception you have noticed about people? Carry about what peace actually is?
00:01:57 April Stace: That is such a good question. I, and I think that there's a lot out there that seems to suggest that the more you cut out of your life and the more that you, you know, simplify or something, the more you will find peace. But the ancient spiritual traditions of the world are pretty unanimous in telling us that inner peace is. It's something you cultivate from within, and it's entirely possible to feel inner peace even when you have a very busy life. And conversely, I mean, if any of you have ever, you know, gone to, I don't know, had a day off, had a vacation, and you should feel at peace, but you find yourself feeling very anxious and very, you know, unrested. You know that what is on the outside doesn't always translate to what you feel on the inside. So, um, it's very possible for to be a very, very busy and feel a lot of peace. And conversely, to be not busy at all and feel very anxious. And so the cultivation of inner peace is, um, you know, it's part of a spiritual path, I think.
00:03:14 Niharika: Yeah. So if peace isn't about changing our circumstances, what shift needs to happen inside us first?
00:03:31 April Stace: Oh, that's such a big question. And again, I feel like the ancient spiritual traditions of the world, uh, you know, whether that's Judaism, Christianity, Hinduism, Buddhism, they all kind of folk, you know, there's, there's a part of it that is really kind of towards this, like what, what is it about? And I think there's a, there's a lot of research that shows that the more we set aside time For our inner life. The more we can access peace. I can say for me, the way that I think about this is that I have like a, I feel like I have an inner sanctuary in my soul or, you know, an inner temple or something that like, I can go into that space whenever I want. It's always there, right? It doesn't matter. I could be on a train. I could be, you know, walking down a city street. But if I enter into the temple inside myself, then I can find that peace. Now, the thing is, the you know, it's like any space, right? It's like our house. It's, you know, anywhere. Our apartment's like where we live, if we cultivate it, if we, you know, take care of it, we clean it, we take, you know, decorate it in a way that's beautiful. Then it's a place that we want to hang out. But if we never pay attention to what's going on inside of our spirit, and it becomes messy, just like just like a messy house that is not peaceful to be inside. So it's that constant attention to what am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? And then like not judging that feeling, right? Because we always want to say, oh, I shouldn't be feeling that way or I need to stop feeling that way, or why aren't I feeling this other way? But instead just practicing that kind of acceptance of, okay, I am feeling this way and that is just reality and just stopping there. For me, that is what has helped.
00:05:42 Niharika: That that really reframe things because I think we spend so much energy trying to control the outside world when the real work is happening within ourselves. And It's almost like they've been looking in the wrong direction all along. Yeah. What what you said makes so much sense. I think we don't give attention to our inner circumstances. Like the thoughts we are getting, the feelings we are getting, and we just search for the validation of our thoughts outside ourselves. And that's where everything goes wrong.
00:06:23 April Stace: Yeah. And you know that word you used control. I think that's a big thing is we always we think that peace equals control, but it's actually the opposite, right? Peace is acceptance of things that you can't control.
00:06:41 Niharika: Very true, very true. And, and when you work with people who feel disconnected from any sense of calm, what do you notice are the deeper patterns, root causes that keep them stuck in that state.
00:07:03 April Stace: I mean, I think it's different for everybody, but I recently what I've been noticing a lot is the importance of making space for joy. Um, it's very difficult in the modern world where, you know, many of us are working way more than we should. And, you know, life can become kind of dreary and kind of one thing after another and, you know, over and over again. But it's so important to actually spend time thinking, what would I. I mean, for adults, this is a real challenge, but what would actually be fun for me to do right now? Like what could I do? That is something that I would just have fun, you know, not something that I'm doing for exercise, not something that I'm doing for, you know, my career. Not right. All these things are very valuable. But like, we lose our muscle for fun if we don't exercise it right. And I know in my life, it took a long time of, you know, kind of searching for that because I was a mother, you know, I am a mother. I, you know, I have many jobs, uh, and life can get very crazy. But I had to remember like, oh yeah, even though I'm forty six, even though I'm like an adult and I'm all serious and stuff, there are things that I still do that are fun and I can find them and I can actually do them. Maybe not all day, maybe not, you know, every day. But like, I can set aside time for fun. And by and large, when I am with people who are really struggling to access a sense of calm, it is often because they have just forgotten how to enjoy life, how to have fun, how to just be joyful, you know?
00:08:53 Niharika: And and how does that disconnection from ourselves show up in the body? Like, what does it actually feel like physically?
00:09:05 April Stace: Oh, man, I can only answer for myself here. I know for me a lot of times, like I'll either lose my appetite completely or I will want to eat everything. So it shows up in, you know, the things that we want to put in our body, which I think is really symbolic, right? Like, because whether it's food or whether it's, you know, different situations or whatever, the things we put in our in our body really affect that inner space of peace, you know? So I definitely feel it that way. I also, I mean, I think this is probably pretty universal. I feel it in my shoulders and my neck and, um, get headaches and things like that. And that's a good sign to me that like, my head is being my brain is being used too much and my heart is not being used enough.
00:10:01 Niharika: I guess it happens to every woman. And it's, it's striking how the mind and body are always communicating, even when we are not listening or giving them attention. Our body, our holding, the story of stress, our rushing, our resistance and everything. And we show up in one way or another.
00:10:30 April Stace: Yeah, absolutely. You know, one other thing I've been thinking about a lot with this kind of in connection to fun is beauty and how important it is to find things that are beautiful. And I think of beauty a lot. Like I think of kind of this inner peace idea in that it's not so much about like, can I find these things outside of me that are beautiful, but more can I cultivate my way of seeing so that I can see the beauty that's already there, right? Like, I am very lucky I have flowers in my garden, and if I go outside and I'm not moved by the beauty of my flowers, I know that something is off, right? Like something is off in my spirit, something is off in my body, whatever. And because if I'm not able to really look at my flowers and say, oh, they're so beautiful, then there's something wrong, right? It's like a little warning signal to me.
00:11:34 Niharika: Yeah, yeah. And and look, that makes so much sense because what we have is what we attract or what we are inside is the same thing. What you see out there outside when you are happy. You can choose that everywhere and it goes vice versa or the negative side.
00:11:59 April Stace: Yeah. And that's where we have our control, right? We can't always control like what we see or you know, what, what's outside. But like to some extent, not, not totally, but to some extent we can control how we respond to things.
00:12:16 Niharika: Yeah.
00:12:17 April Stace: Yeah.
00:12:18 Niharika: It needs one to see one.
00:12:22 April Stace: Yeah.
00:12:24 Niharika: So let's bring this to everyday life. Like what does inner peace actually look like when you are stuck in traffic or dealing with a difficult conversation or just overwhelmed by your inbox?
00:12:42 April Stace: Wow. It's like you, you know, my life there. Yeah. Um. Oh, man. You know, it is a daily struggle, and I just think, you know, how, um, have you ever, you know, watched the Olympics and when people are doing gymnastics and they're on the balance beam, right. They do these incredible things on the balance beam. Um, but sometimes you get to see a little wobble, right? And, um, you know, it's like they tip one side or they tip the other and then they, they come back and they get their balance. And that's really what I think about when I think about being, you know, caught in traffic or, you know, overwhelmed by my email. It's just like, okay, this is going to make me wobble a little bit, but I, I can come back to the center. Right. I can stay on this balance beam. And it's just a, you know, it looks easy, right? When they're up there on the balance beam because they're so good at it. But like, um, it uses every single muscle in their entire body, right? Like it's very active, even when you're just standing there on a balance beam, like your whole body is engaged in, in the act of balancing. Um, so that, and if I could say one more thing, I think for me, the practice of kind of like zooming out, uh, so like when I'm saying I'm stuck in traffic, um, and I'm stressed out because I need to get to the next place on time or whatever. Um, just kind of taking a minute to be like, okay, I might be late for this meeting, but in like the grand scheme of my life, I will probably not even remember this, right? Like, I will probably not even remember this moment of stress. And so, and furthermore, just remembering, like, you know, if all I'm doing is thinking about how stressful that how late I am or something, then what I'm missing everything else that's right in front of me. And who knows what it is. You know, I mean, who knows? So by choosing to live in the future or the past, we're missing the present. And I do think peace is in the present. It's not in the future. It's not in the past. It's right now.
00:15:01 Niharika: Yeah. Wow. Such a beautiful emphasis you gave because. I think it's it's about these tiny moments of return coming back to ourselves again and again. Okay. We may have that tantrum or a stimulus that is attacking us, but we can still choose. It's a matter of choice. And that that means a lot of work. That's where the process is.
00:15:31 April Stace: Yeah. Yeah, I agree completely.
00:15:36 Niharika: So for someone who's ready to build a real practice around this, not just survive the stress, but actually cultivate lasting peace. What approach or practices do you recommend?
00:15:54 April Stace: I mean, all of the great traditions say start with your breath, right? Um, that, and I've certainly done this in times where I feel like I'm really falling off the balance beam is to just start in the morning with five minutes, you know, set a timer on your phone or whatever. So you don't have to think about it like, and just try to sit there and just focus on your breathing in and out, you know, and think about, you know, just try to notice everything you can, um, how it feels in your lungs, how it, how it feels, how the air feels on your skin, like everything and just Give your brain a rest. I mean, that's really what it's about, right? It's like by focusing on your breathing, you're just giving the rest of your brain a time out to say you can stop for for right now. You get some time off and, and we're going to hand it over to the lungs right now. Uh, so I think that is one of the most important practices. I also want to say, you know, I'm, I'm a musician, right? I'm an artist. And, um, I think any kind of creative practice is really helpful. And it doesn't have to be anything. You know, I play the harp, right? It does not have to be anything serious like that. It could just, it could. I have a friend who does origami for, uh, for her meditational practice that she does origami. Um, it could be, you know, coloring in a coloring book or something. You know, it could be knitting whatever, uh, anything where you're just focused on what you're doing and you're making something beautiful. It could be anything. Um, to me, that is always a doorway into the deeper parts of ourselves, which is where peace lives, right?
00:17:49 Niharika: That is true. And I think it takes work to even figure out what works for us. What kind of practice is working for you? Because we have hundreds of methods and hundreds of tips, techniques over over the phone, we have within a minute, we can see hundreds of perceptions, but instead of copying, it takes real work to actually figure it out.
00:18:14 April Stace: Absolutely. It's trial and error, right? And I think that's it goes back to that word. You used control, right? Is that, in the modern world, we tend to want the answer. Now, you know, just let me Google it. Let me look it up. Let me figure this out. Like, and in some ways, I think if we want to find inner peace, we kind of have to stop looking for it. We have to just, uh, instead, just look at the present moment, find beauty, find joy, and inner peace will come. But if we're looking for peace and we're not going to rest until we find it, we're never going to find it.
00:18:55 Niharika: Yeah.
00:18:56 Speaker 3: Very true.
00:19:00 Niharika: So what happens when someone tries this and it feels forced or even awkward at first? How do they start with it? How do you deal with it?
00:19:16 April Stace: Yeah, I mean it. That's the thing, right? Is that if we're we kind of have to change our whole mindset, um, away from does this work to just, you know, what will this do? Right. Having curiosity instead of judgment instead of, you know, seeking control. Right. Because the seeking control actually is the barrier to peace. Right. So when we. When we're so focused on that, I don't know if you've ever heard the phrase, if you meet the Buddha, kill the Buddha. Uh, and it's this idea that, like when you think you've found something that is, you know, something spiritual, that is a sign that you have actually you're on the wrong path. Right. Um, and I think that's, that's what we're going for when we're talking about just kind of cultivating inner peace is like, stop stressing out about finding peace and just, you know, figure out what makes you feel good and then do that.
00:20:23 Speaker 3: Very true.
00:20:25 Niharika: Because we commonly tend to follow or just look for practices that we have fixed outcomes like we do a degree, we get this job and we do this and we have the fixed outcomes and having it figured out at the end, we know what it is, gives us some sort of comfort and which is completely opposite in this process, like the inner peace or healing process.
00:20:51 April Stace: Yeah.
00:20:52 Niharika: Uncertainty, the fear of uncertainty comes in and to work on it is the real work.
00:20:58 April Stace: So yeah, exactly. You're already there, right? And that's the other part is just kind of being like, I, you know, resting and kind of like I have what I need, I have what I need right now, I have what I need and just letting yourself kind of enjoy that.
00:21:18 Speaker 3: Yeah. That's true.
00:21:21 April Stace: Yeah.
00:21:23 Niharika: And we spent years building this, this, uh, these patterns of tension and disconnection. And of course, the unwinding takes time and takes gentleness with ourselves through the process.
00:21:41 April Stace: Yeah. I mean, that's, you know, the whole it goes back to that idea of making space, right? Um, it's really whatever little pockets of time we can find to just take a minute to breathe. Um, you know, we do have to make space for it. It's, you know, it's a practice like anything else. It's like learning to play an instrument, right? You don't just sit down and, and are good at it right away. You have to actually give it the time it needs.
00:22:16 Speaker 3: Yeah. That is true.
00:22:19 Niharika: Um, and life has a way of testing does it doesn't it? Because things get busy again. Something breaks. We fall into old patterns. And how do you help people handle those inevitable setbacks without losing what they've built?
00:22:42 April Stace: That's a good question. Um. I think again, it's it's it goes back to this idea of non-judgment, right. Uh, we, we tend to think in kind of all or nothing terms, right? Like it's, um, we're going to do this perfectly and we better not mess up. And then if we mess up, everything is lost. And that's the kind of black and white, um, kind of judgment that itself is a barrier to peace. So, you know, when days go by and we don't do the practices or whatever that we that we need, it's actually a great opportunity to practice that non-judgment right. Instead of beating ourselves up about it or, you know, shaming ourselves or saying, oh, if I really was serious, I would do this or that. Um, it's a great opportunity to practice just accepting it and saying, okay, I didn't have time for it this past week. Okay. Hopefully I will next week. We'll see. Right.
00:23:53 Niharika: I think that's the heart of it really. Yeah. And what would you say to someone who's thinking and listening? I've tried this before and it didn't stick. What would this time and why would this time be different?
00:24:14 April Stace: Yeah. So that's the kind of inner work, right? If um, because I have certainly had times where I've, I've decided, oh, I'm going to do this thing because this is the good thing to do. Uh, somebody told me to do it, and so I'm going to do it. And then I, I don't do it because I haven't taken the time to realize or to understand what is making me actually unhappy. Like, do I think that I have a problem? You know, the answer may be no. You know, um, do I think that I am perfectly happy in the world? The answer may be yes. Right. And if that's true, that's great, you know. Um, but really taking the time to think, okay, if something is off, you need to figure out what is off before you can do anything about it. Right? And sometimes you just need time to think about that. You just need time to, to sit in quiet and kind of put your finger on it and say, oh, that's the thing that's wrong. Then you then you can be curious about it, you know, and then you can find your way.
00:25:21 Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:25:22 Niharika: It's this isn't about perfection. Um, it's about returning every single time we come back to ourself. We are strengthening something real.
00:25:36 Speaker 3: Yeah.
00:25:40 Niharika: And April, thank you so much for this conversation. Thank you so much for spending this time for us and sharing your insights with us. If people want to continue learning from you or connect with your work, where's the best place for them to find you?
00:25:56 April Stace: So the best place is at my website. It's w w w dot April dot com.
00:26:05 Niharika: Okay. Thank you for sharing that. And thank you so much again for joining us.
00:26:12 April Stace: Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here with you.
00:26:15 Niharika: And listen, listeners, until next time. I hope you carry this with you. Your peace doesn't depend on perfect circumstances. It. It lives in your breath, in your awareness, and in your willingness to pause, even just for a moment, even right now. Take care. Take care of your of that beautiful mind and body of yours. I'll see you next time on the Inner Peace, BetterHelp.
