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Why I used to think coaches were full of sh*t!
Episode 29017th April 2023 • Your Dream Business • Teresa Heath-Wareing
00:00:00 00:23:56

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Today’s episode of the podcast is all about why I used to think coaches were full of a lot of rubbish, and what made me change my mind! In this episode I talk all about what a coach really is, what you can expect to get from working with one and why every business owner would benefit from having a coach in some capacity. I’d really love to know where you’re listening to this episode, and what you do whilst you tune in - is it whilst you’re on a walk, whilst you get ready in the morning, as you work or somewhere else? Take a photo or a screenshot and tag me in your Instagram stories to let me know!

KEY TAKEAWAYS COVERED IN THE PODCAST

  • What a coach is and why you need one
  • Why I decided to invest in a coach and how I got one
  • The difference between group coaching and one to one coaching
  • The difference between coaching, mentoring and accountability

LINKS TO RESOURCES MENTIONED IN TODAY’S EPISODE

Find out more about my One to One Coaching Join my Dream Business Club or Exec Club Teresa Heath-Wareing Instagram Teresa Heath-Wareing LinkedIn Teresa Heath-Wareing Facebook Teresa Heath-Wareing Twitter

Transcript

Hello and a really warm welcome to this week's episode of the podcast. How are you doing? So, I was getting ready the other day and I went down an absolute rabbit hole of watching this really funny guy on reels and it got me thinking, cuz normally when I get ready, I listen to a podcast or I listen to a book or I normally do something. So where are you listening right now?

I want you to like take photos, screenshot, whatever it is, and tag me in on Instagram stories and let me know where you're listening. I'm really interested to know, like I said, normally mine is kind of getting ready in the morning in the car. Not that I go in the car a whole lot really, cuz I don't travel unless I'm speaking.

But yeah I'm fascinated to know where are you listening to this? Please come and let me know on Instagram by tagging me in a post. So a few weeks back I sent an email to my lovely community and it was titled Why I Think, or Why I used to Think coaches were full of, and I won't say this swear word, but you can guess.

And I also shared it on social media and I got a really good response and I got a lot of people coming back to me saying, yes, this really resonates. This is what I thought. And I thought it would maybe make a good episode to talk about why I thought coaches were full of absolute rubbish and. What is coaching and why you need one and why I don't think that anymore.

Because I did. I genuinely thought for a really long time you don't need one and, and I and I, the problem was the coaches that I knew and saw when I first started my business were middle-aged, white, straight men. And. They had no idea about me and my business. And the problem is, I guess this comes a lot from me, not necessarily from them.

I'd worked in a very male dominated industry. I'd worked in the car industry. I worked with a lot of white, middle-aged, straight men and corporate guys, and they were really patronizing. And I was a girl and I was young-ish at the time, and they really did patronize me and made out like, because I liked to laugh because I was chatty, that obviously I wasn't very smart.

And I guess my problem was that I looked at these other guys and thought, you can't relate to me. And by this point, I was older and I'd got my daughter and I'd gone through a divorce and all this kind of stuff. But I genuinely still thought, you can't relate to me. You don't know who I am. You dunno what my life is.

And I had fallen into the trap that most people fall into. And I'm not saying it was all bad cause I think there is an element of it that's good, where you find these big, massive gurus and. You start to follow what they say and then after a while when you get confident, because actually you find someone who does pay attention to who you are and makes you feel worthy, that you realize that all the stuff they were telling you to do you can't do because that's not your life.

And when you've got a four-year-old waking you up at God knows what time I can't get up and do a morning routine and work out. Not that I want to. Thanks very much. And actually, you know, now I'm much more empowered to do what I wanna do and what works for me and my season of life and where I am. But back then I wasn't.

And I guess, like I said, I looked at these coaches and I guess the coaches I knew were only local and thought. Yeah, no, you don't know me. I'm not interested. And I actually used to think, if you're that flipping good, why don't you do it yourself? God, I was so naive, so naive. And then I found my coach and, and all I knew was, and it was actually my team member at the time, lovely Katie, who said to me, do you think you need a coach?

And I was like, I don't even know what they do. I dunno why I'd want one. I dunno where I'd find one. And I was really kind of like, I don't understand it. And I really didn't, I didn't understand what the purpose of a coach was and why I would need one.

And it was through having a conversation with her that kind of got me thinking about it. And as the universe would have it, and I'm sure, well, I'm not sure. I know I've told this story before, but I'm gonna tell it again about how I got my coach Mary. So I was sat in San Diego and I had been to trafficking conversion, and I was on my way to social media marketing world.

Just so happened that in one particular year they were right next to each other, ie. Like trafficking conversion were the first three days and then the next four days were social media marketing world. So I ended up being out in San Diego for about two weeks. It was Ace. Obviously I'm heading in San Diego and at the time there weren't many people who did that.

Like not in my world. Now a lot more people I know go out there and do social media marketing world. But back then it wasn't like literally no one I knew would do this sort of thing. Anyway, so, and I was out there with my team member at the time, which was Ace that we both went and we were sat in trafficking conversion and it was huge.

It was like 4,000 people. And all I could think was, who the hell do I think I am. Like what on Earth am I thinking this is what is gonna make me different from any of these other people. There's too much competition out there. There's, it's ridiculous. And instead of feel all inspired and motivated, cuz I was in San Diego at a conference with loads of business people, I actually felt completely overwhelmed and a little bit like just not good.

I felt really kind of sad and just not in a great place. So anyway, I wake up at four o'clock in the morning, which you do when you got jet lag. And I'm sad and I can picture myself now cuz we had a really lovely room on the harbor looking over the boats and I'm working away and the sun's coming up and while I'm working away I've got my headphones in.

Cause my husband's sleeping. Obviously he was in the military at the time. He's very used to jet lagging and could sleep through it and I'm listening to Amy Porterfield, who at the time I was a huge fan of, and very much wanted a business like hers. And as I'm listening to a podcast, she starts talking about her coach Mary Hyatt, and she talks about the fact that Mary is Michael Hyatt's daughter, and how the Hyatts are a phenomenal species, which I can confirm they are.

They are amazing humans. I basically, You know, amazing She was, and all this sort of thing. So I thought, let me check out this person, Mary Hyatt. So I went onto Mary's website and I can't remember what it said on her homepage, but I remember just thinking, oh my God, that's me. Like, yeah, 100% totally me. So she had a form which you could fill out and it had a, a salary requirement, as in you had to earn X amount in your business.

And I did in dollars, but I didn't in pounds. So I thought that'll do, filled it in, sent it off. Go off to the conference. A couple of hours later, I get a message, an email from Mary go in. How weird is this? Oh, that was the other thing. Sorry, I missed a bit in the form. You had to say why now. What made you at that point decide to reach out to her?

So I put, I'm in San Diego, should be feeling amazing and all pumped and excited and I'm not, I feel completely overwhelmed and sad and all the things. And she messaged me going, oh my God. I'm in San Diego. Well, she was actually in Carlsbad, just down the road, not like, not too far. And she's actually based in Nashville, so she's like, and I've got some free time before I go to the airport.

Do you wanna meet for lunch? And I was thinking, are you kidding? Like, this is crazy. So I was like, yes, obviously jumped at the chance to have lunch with the, you know, amazing Mary Hyatt, who I didn't realize at this point how amazing she was. And. Anyway, left the conference, met Mary for lunch. Had a really lovely chat to her, started to understand more about what she did and what she could do for me.

And then she told me her price. Right? And Mary at the time, this isn't the case now, but Mary at the time was, I think it was $15,000 for six months. And I was at the time. I was like, that was lovely. Thanks for lunch. See you later. Bye. Never gonna see you again Mary cuz I obviously could not afford that.

And I, she said to me, get back to the UK, let's get on a call. Let me show you what coaching is and what it can be and then make a decision. So said my goodbyes, thought you're amazing. What a shame. I'd love to coach with you. Looks like I'm gonna have to go with one of the, you know, dudes from my local chamber of Commerce or whatever it's gonna be.

And anyway, get back to the UK. Mary contacted me, let's book in a call. And I was like, okay, thinking I can't afford it, but I will book the, the call in and see what it's like. And anyway, book the call in. It was really good. Had a great session with her. And so she's like, you go away, you have a think about it.

So I messaged her going, can you do part payments? She went, Nope. And I was like, okay, can you do this? Nope. And I was just like, oh God, would you do three months? Nope. Anyway, I. She messaged me going, what's, what's up? And I said, this is huge amount of money. Like let's get on a call and discuss it. She said, I thought I don't wanna get on a call and discuss it.

Just realized I've been telling this story for a really long time. I hope you're not bored. So anyway, I get on a call with her cuz she makes me and she says, what's your concern? And I said, what if you're not worth it? And she went, good point. What if I am. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. And basically crazy.

Long story short, I signed up and I paid the money in full and it scared the living bejesus me. And within a very short space of time, I'd made that money back because of something that she coached me through. I basically was working with two clients, and both clients were seriously going over their hours.

And she coached me through how to ask them, have the courage, how to reach out to them, and how to put together an email, which she read. And basically both of them ended up paying me big chunks of money, which I would never have got if I hadn't have had her as coach. So that is the very long-winded story of how I met Mary, but she completely changed my mind in terms of what a coach is.

So what is a coach? What do they do and why do you need one? The first thing that you have to remember and think about is if you are a, if you are Beyonce or if you are an athlete, or if you are anybody else, you have coaches. And no one bats an eye at that. It's really funny, like no one thinks, you know, well, if Beyonce's coach was so good, why aren't they Beyonce?

Well, because that's not what they do, is it? And if you know, I don't know. Michael Phelps's coach is so good. I literally just pulled a random sports person name out my head. I dunno where that came from. You know, if his coach was so good, why isn't he doing it? Well, cuz that's not the job they do. But none of those people have an issue having a coach, none of them.

So why do we think we can do it without one? So when I did my coaching qualification, one of the things they talked about was like some of the basic stuff was, you know, what is coaching and all that sort of thing. And I got a few different definition. So the Association for Coaching, which is who I'm qualified with, says it's collaborative solution focused, results orientated systematic process in which the coach facilitates the enhancement of work performance, life experience, self-directed learning, and personal growth of the coachee. Did you get all that? Bob Thompson, who has got a book who I've read is says, A relationship of rapport and trust in which the coach uses their abilities to listen, ask questions, and play about what the client has communicated in order to help the client to clarify what matters to them and work out what they want to achieve in their aspirations.

And then Tony Robbins says, the life coach definition is someone professionally trained to help you maximize your full potential and reach your desired results. They are like a supportive friend and a trusted advisor rolled into one. They are someone who will push you to identify your goals, hold you accountable, and provide encouragement throughout the journey to become a better version of yourself.

I actually really like that one. I think that's a really nice example of what it is. So that's basically what. You know, the professionals describe as coaching, but then. The general consensus is that a coaching relationship is between a coach and a coachee. They have an assumption that the coachee has all the resources they need inside them.

So sometimes coaching, it's not about like, you know, yeah, there's tools and things to help you get to them, but ultimately, if you know you want a coach and need a coach, you've got the resources inside you. You just need someone to help you get them. The coach helps unlock their answers and potential through gentle questioning, listening and playing about what they've heard from the coachee.

And it's about, it's about facilitating a move towards something, whether it's growth, development, goal or aspiration. So basically, My role and how I see A, me being coached, and B, me coaching is that I get to understand you. I get to understand what's important in your world and what you want. And sometimes that is a task in itself.

Sometimes people don't know what they want and that takes some work to get it out. So that sometimes is like the biggest hurdle that they're not entirely clear, but when they are clear, it's like, oh yeah, now I can see it. And then that next bit's easy for both of us. Sorry, if you can hear my crying downstairs he's moaning cause he's just been put back in his bed.

So yeah, so sometimes it's that space and then once we find out, think they want, then it's about going, let's put a plan together. Now the way I differ slightly from coaches is I kind of do three main things. So I coach, I mentor slash strategy, and then I'm account, I hold you accountable.

For me, a coach will hold you accountable. A coach won't always give you strategy. So for instance, I've been on a coaching call on a group thing, and I've told you this story before and it makes me laugh so much. And this group I was in had different types of coaches for different types of things. And one of the coaches was a Facebook ads coach, right?

And this Facebook ads coach was great, by the way. She was really, really good. And. Kind of, you know, had a conversation with me in private that basically she was told she wasn't allowed to give answers, she had to coach. So what would happen is someone would come on and go, I've done this ad, you think it's any good?

And she'd go, well, do you think it's any good? It's in a Facebook ad. Like, tell them. And obviously she couldn't cause she was looking for someone else, but it just really makes me laugh. And sometimes you just need to be told, okay, do this, do this, do this. Like here's the strategy. So for me, I span all three. I offer the coaching side, I offer the mentor strategy side, and then probably the most importantly of all, I give you that accountability.

So that's what I see and define as coaching in terms of what they actually do. How does it look? Well, you'd get on a call with me and the first call would be, let's sit and talk about who you are and what you want as your business and what your business look like today, and what's your family done and like, what's important to you and what's the dream and all this kind of stuff.

And then that's where I would kind of flip a bit over. I'd probably do the coaching side there, but I'd flip a bit over then after that first session to the kind of strategy mentoring. But then what happens inevitably is we will get to a strategy that we both agree is a good idea and for some reason you don't wanna do it.

So then we'll go. Why is that? And then the coaching comes back into play. And then once we coach through that, then we get into action and go, right, when are you gonna do it by? But by that point, you're feeling much more confident and much more happy about it. Okay, so what's the difference? I wanted to address the difference in group coaching programs.

Dog is crying again, real life over here. Group coaching programs versus one-to-one now. None of these are good or bad. They're just different ways of doing it, and it's just important that you know the different ways of doing it. So I have been in group coaching programs that have been massive, and I have been one of 80 plus people, which I would say is not a group coaching program.

It's no, okay. It is a group coaching program, but it's not what I needed at that point. I needed...

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