In a world of filters and Pinterest perfection, it can be difficult to discern our motivations and what we're called to. Listen in as Betsy, Emily, and Stephanie discuss different indicators of our heart attitudes, and how excellence, perfectionism, and the spectrum of order plays out in parenting, and marriage. (This episode corresponds with Lessons 4 and 5 of Entrusted with a Child's Heart.)

Scriptures Mentioned:

1 Corinthians 3:10

Hebrews 10:11-14

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

Welcome to the, Again, podcast

sponsored by Entrusted Ministries.

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I'm your host, Stephanie Hickox, and today

I'm joined by the wonderful Betsy Corning

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herself, and the amazing Emily Dio.

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We're in the middle of a series entitled

Untangled, and we're untangling what

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biblical motherhood really looks like.

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Today's lesson is focusing on the

difference between perfectionism

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and excellence and what the Lord

has called us to in our marriages,

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in our homes, and in all of life.

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Whether you're guiding a child that

struggles with this or discerning

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the balance yourself, we feel

this episode is truly practical.

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And we think there are lots of action

steps you can take in your home.

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So, let's get to it!

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Emily, what are some things that you're

excited about for this coming year

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?

I think a couple things.

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Establishing a routine.

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I love the freshness of it, and just,

they're gaining new perspective,

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And I'm looking forward to

honestly watching my kids

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thrive in a new environment.

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This is the first year that they're

going to be in a new school . And

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so, I'm looking forward to seeing

them in their activities and

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and what all that will bring.

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Sorry, I just have to ask, are you

excited about some seasonal drinking?

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It's getting close, girls,

to seasonal drinking.

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And Betsy, how about you?

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What are you excited about

for this coming year?

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Well, I'm very excited about some of our

entrusted projects that we're working on.

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I don't know if I can really talk

about them, but one of course is

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the BODCAST did I say BODCAST?

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Oh.

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I'm glad we're not showing these BODs.

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I'm looking forward to some projects that

we're doing with Entrusted this year.

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And every year it's

something new and exciting.

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And I'm not sure if I can really

speak to one yet, but one of them

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would be this podcast and I'm

really excited to be a part of it.

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And Stephanie's really worked hard.

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Emily and Jen to make this happen.

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So we hope that it really

encourages moms out there.

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I'm also looking forward to just really

watching my grandkids play sports.

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They are so strong and energetic, and

they can really hit that ball and jump,

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and it's really a pleasure to watch.

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I mean, I really do enjoy watching them,

and they're, they're growing up, but

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really seeing them embrace spiritual

things with greater clarity and depth, we

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just moved here, so we've been here less

than a year, just, we've moved just like

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you, Emily, and it's fun to be in a whole

new location and just settle in, right?

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Absolutely.

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How about you, Steph?

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Well, I'm excited, I'm podcast too.

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It's a really neat endeavor

and I've been learning a lot.

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It's been on our hearts for a long

time to reach moms, however we can.

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And this is such an

amazing platform to do it.

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So that's been really exciting

to have that in the wings.

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Also, I like the start of fall, I like

the freshness, I like planners, I love

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the movie You've Got Mail when he says,

if I knew you, I would buy you a bouquet

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of sharpened pencils, and I just think

that's a cute line, I like the fresh

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start of it, and my oldest is actually

embarking upon His seventh grade year,

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and in our homeschool community, it

is a big deal, and I think he's really

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gonna flourish under some independence,

and my little girl is turning six.

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And I am excited about The ballerina

bunny tea party theme that she has

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selected, so that'll be in the fall.

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So yeah, so it feels like it's

a lot of exciting things coming.

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Hopefully, I feel like they're

still exciting in November, right?

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I think if we're talking about

perfectionism and excellence, most

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people are going to think, well,

what's really the difference?

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So maybe we start out sort of

defining our terms so people have

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an idea of where we're coming from.

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I think when we talk about

perfectionism, we're really talking

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about trying to do things perfectly.

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But we can't do things perfectly.

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So, we strive and we try harder.

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And we're sort of beating ourselves

against the wall, or whatever, because

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we can't achieve perfection on our own.

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We only achieve perfection through Christ.

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Christ is our perfection when

the, when God looks at us.

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He sees perfection through his son, but

we won't really ever achieve perfection in

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this life until we are glorified with him.

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So we would say that perfectionism

is work based, and we can never,

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you know, achieve perfectionism.

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So we always feel like a failure.

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So how would you say that

would differ from excellence?

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Well, I think perfectionism is always

striving and I think excellence is

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gained by submitting Will to the Lord.

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There is no perfection that

is attainable on this side of

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heaven as, as we would define it.

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But I think excellence is

constantly yielding our desire

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and our will over to the Lord and

letting Him do His work in it.

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Regardless of what the yielding

that He produces excellence in us.

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This is going to be a topic that's

going to hit close to home for me a lot.

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And I, but I don't think I ever

would have considered myself a

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perfectionist I mean, I just didn't

realize how it was impacting me.

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I think I was just always

trying to honor the Lord.

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And so, My focus was always him, it didn't

feel like it was ever about me, but I can

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see how it has impacted me, and I have

to continually pray for discernment, am

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I pushing to make something excellent,

or to do my best, or am I going for a

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higher standard that's not attainable?

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So, this week as I was praying about

it and I was thinking about, I just

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love and entrusted the phrase you used,

that, Perfectionism leaves you stressed,

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and Excellence leaves you blessed.

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And I loved that, and then the Lord gave

me another one with some alliteration,

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so Perfectionism leaves me paralyzed

to start, and When I'm going after

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excellence, I'm excited to begin.

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And so I can see in my life,

that's more what it looks like.

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My perfectionism isn't always a striving.

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I actually, when I'm doing the

thing, I find more freedom in it.

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It's the being scared to begin.

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Even in my parenting, I'm afraid

to make a decision because I

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don't want to make a mistake.

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I'm praying, praying, praying,

praying, trying to research

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what's the right decision, Lord.

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What's going to honor you the most.

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And then I'm afraid to start.

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So for me personally, that's what

it looks like, but I just felt like

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that was a helpful tool for me.

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The perfectionism leaves me

paralyzed to begin and excellence

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makes me excited to start.

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Yeah.

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I think to further elaborate on

excellence, we would say that there's a

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difference in the motivation of the heart.

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Striving for perfection is more

self motivation, striving to achieve

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an identity through your works.

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Whereas excellence, you feel you

can give it over to the Lord.

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He identifies who you are, and

there's such a freedom in that.

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And now you feel the freedom to work

heartily as unto the Lord and do the

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very best that you can, but you don't

feel this constant pressure, this

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beat down of, I don't measure up.

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And so often I have mothers ask me a

question about their You know, young kids

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who have this perfectionistic quality.

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And I think a lot of kids do.

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I think a lot of us do and

we learn, Oh, we're not going

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to be the best at everything.

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But some kids really do struggle

with, I don't want to play

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this unless I'm the best.

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Or I don't want to try

this unless I'm the best.

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And that is a perspective that

we have to work on as mothers.

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To let them know this isn't your identity.

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Your identity is in the Lord

and we do the best that we can.

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And sometimes we're not the best, but

we pitch in and, and help somebody else.

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There's always going to be somebody

that's a little bit better and

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there's always going to be somebody

that's probably not quite as good.

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Right, right.

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I think that we're not, we're not

here to make those comparisons.

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We're here just to do our best, and

that is suffering, but perfectionism is

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just this constant game of, of comparing

and having to be at the top of that

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heap but that isn't going to get kids

anywhere with that sort of thinking.

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Mm hmm.

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And I, I think you speak so well in

Entrusted about having age appropriate

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standards for our children that I

think as we're trying to train them or

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we're setting up the beautiful biblical

model, and of course we want to, hold

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up God's Word, I think sometimes I can

understand why to certain children it

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feels like we're expecting perfection.

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I think just being very clear where

our expectations are, that they're

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allowed to make mistakes, that the bed

doesn't have to be made perfectly and.

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To hold up a high expectation,

but an attainable one so that

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they can achieve success and that

they're not always falling short.

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When you think about the second

commandment, it's to love others, right?

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When we are working excellently onto

the to it shouldn't be a stress on

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the family, so if you're planning

this beautiful birthday party for your

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children, just so you can post some

pictures on social media, but you, you

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know, really lost it on your husband

and children in the process, then you

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really need to evaluate your heart there.

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Why am I doing this?

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Who is this for?

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Is this for the Lord?

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Is this so my child feels really

special and has a memory to look back

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on or am I trying to impress someone?

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Doing something I'm not called to do.

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I think also of the moms who are striving

for Perfection in their parenting,

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mothering when, first thinking about

this idea of perfection versus excellence

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the Lord led me to 1 Corinthians 3.

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10 that says, by the grace God has

given me, I laid a foundation as a wise

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builder, and someone else is building on

it, but each one should build with care.

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And so that last line, but each one

should build with care, shows us that

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we are building not unto our own glory

or unto perfection, but with care.

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And we're coming along other people

and helping them build as moms should,

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we should be building into each other

and encouraging one another and not

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competing in our, in our parenting

styles or in birthday parties or what

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fill in the blank with whatever, but

we should be coming alongside of and

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encouraging and just doing everything

with care and with excellence as

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unto the Lord and not as unto us.

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I like the word edify, which is really

to mean build each other up in the

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Lord, but it comes from the word

edifice, which means a large building.

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And that's what we are

as the body of Christ.

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We are a large edifice.

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And it's built.

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And structured from the great

cornerstone, which is, of course,

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our foundation, Jesus Christ.

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So when we are building on

the cornerstone, we want to

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build square, level, and plumb.

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So then in every

direction, we are building.

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Well, so that the next brick that goes

on top of us isn't going to fall off.

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So, mm-hmm.

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, we're building into our kids.

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And the verse that Emily shared says that

they'll be building upon the foundation

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of faith that we've built upon Christ.

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And so we have to be careful how we build.

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That's what it says.

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Mm-hmm.

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, be careful how you build.

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So we don't do things haphazardly.

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We try to do things to the best of

our ability, but it comes from the.

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Internal motivation of the heart to

honor the Lord in the things that we do.

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Not work based that our performance

is the thing that wins his favor.

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No, it's just the opposite, right?

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It says we are Christ's workmanship

to do good works, which he

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established beforehand that we

should walk in them, Ephesians 2 10.

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So, it's the salvation comes first.

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And as a result, we

build on that foundation.

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If we don't have that foundation,

although we might, we might have a

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misperception and always be striving to.

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I feel like we have to please the

Lord in everything that we do.

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We don't want to model

that for our kids either.

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To continue on that building analogy,

I was at a homeschool conference this

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spring and I was with a dear friend

and she is just one of those people

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that brings everyone joy around her.

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She's just super fun and delightful and

she tells me stories that I burst out

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laughing later when I'm not with her.

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That's how fun she is.

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We were, we got to the conference

and she needed to charge her phone.

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Like it was absolutely dead.

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And so she's walking around with

the charger in the conference

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center and looking for an outlet.

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And she's like, do you mind if we

just stand here and talk for five

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minutes so I could charge my phone?

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I'm always like this.

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My phone is always dead.

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And as I got to spend more time with

her that weekend, I learned more about

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her family and how she was raised.

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And she grew up in a solid Christian home,

that her parents were just wonderful.

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And they pointed her to the Lord.

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And they, they confronted her

about some irresponsibility and,

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you know, they saw it and they

tried to train her and equip her.

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And yet she's grown up to be a woman who

is so delightful, brings so much joy,

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And looking at her as my friend, I don't

really care if her phone isn't charged.

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But sometimes when I'm thinking about my

kids, I'm trying to target every character

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issue I see, and it just made me think

how it's like Tower of Babel parenting.

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How, if we can just do it better

than the last generation, and better

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than that generation, and better

than that generation, then eventually

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we'll get these kids that are...

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And then, I, I just felt like the Lord

stopped me in my tracks, like, whoa.

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That is not what we're called to at all.

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We're not trying to raise perfect

kids, or kids that are better than

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we are, or better than we turned out.

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We're trying to raise children.

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That wholeheartedly love the Lord, and

that idea of Tower of Babel Parenting

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where we're just trying to get it

better and better and better was a

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really convicting thought for me.

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And even if.

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We see this, this issue that maybe at

10 years old, it feels like, Oh, he

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never picks up his dirty socks, don't

make it a bigger deal than it is.

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He might be the boy who's charging his

phone at the conference center someday,

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but it's his heart solely for the Lord.

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Well, we talk a lot and trusted about

not just controlling exterior behavior,

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and that's what this can tend to be.

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Perfectionism.

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Well, I'm gonna have the model children

because they're never gonna misbehave,

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blah, blah, blah, but we're not really

addressing the issues of the heart.

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And so.

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That's what we call it,

entrusted with a child's heart.

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That's what we want to address.

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And when they have that, they don't, and

they have that foundation of the Lord,

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that chief cornerstone, hopefully that

they'll be learning that life isn't about.

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Image.

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It's just not image.

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And when we, when we lose that

pressure, it is so freeing.

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So in Entrusted, we have something

we call a spectrum of order.

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And there are people that are

opposites, like Steffi was saying.

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There are people that are real permissive.

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They're loosely structured.

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And then there's people on the

other side of the spectrum that

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are almost overly structured.

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And we, Talked about that today

and the people on the one end are

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perfectionists and you know, right

now, as I'm talking to you, which end

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of the spectrum you probably land on.

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And it doesn't have to be to the

extreme, like an extreme perfectionist

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or an extremely permissive person.

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It could be anywhere sort of in

that range, but right in the middle.

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Is where God calls us, not to be

overly either way, but to be balanced,

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to be really having priorities

in order, being Christ centered.

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Those things bring such harmony

and peace to a household.

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So sometimes we recognize ourselves

and we say our tendency is

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towards this side or the other.

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And you know what?

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If you marry somebody, most likely

they're on the opposite of that.

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And so how are you going to work together

to come to the middle, the meeting

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of the minds where one of you has to

tighten up a little bit, I say, and the

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other one has to lighten up a little bit

perhaps, but so that your home can be

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harmonious, stable, and Christ centered.

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Yes, that is, that is most excellent.

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I love the verse in Thessalonians

that talks about making it your

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ambition to live, to lead a quiet

life and work with your hands.

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But I love that idea that the Lord,

throughout all the verses in the

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Bible, he never calls us to be

a perfect mom, a perfect wife, a

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perfect friend, fill in the blank.

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He never calls us to be perfect anything.

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He just calls us to yield to him.

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And and so bringing it full circle

back to what we had said in the

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beginning, that perfection always

causes striving and peace is found

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through excellence of yielding to Him.

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That just brings such comfort

when it takes pressure off.

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And helps to recenter and refocus what,

what we should really be looking at.

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And it's never at our own results.

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I think we often do want, there's

something in us that wants to

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work and earn and say, we did it.

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And I think it's our sinful

nature working against us.

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Sure.

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Mm-hmm.

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, but but it's in the yielding

that we always find that peace.

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Mm-hmm.

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Mm-hmm.

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It's in the yielding,

then we depend on him.

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Mm-hmm.

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My very favorite verse that the

Lord led me to a couple years ago

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when I was praying about this is

in Hebrews 10 verse 11 through 14.

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And every priest stands daily at his

service offering repeatedly the same

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sacrifices which can never take away sins.

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But when Christ had offered for all

time a single sacrifice for sins, He

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sat down at the right hand of God,

waiting from that time until His enemies

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should be made a footstool for His feet.

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For by a single offering He

has perfected for all time

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those who are being sanctified.

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We're already perfect in the Lord's eyes.

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He sees the perfection of Christ, but

we are to continue to be sanctified,

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yes, continue to strive for holiness,

but rest in the fact that Jesus did it.

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And he did it at one moment,

at one time, and he is seated.

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It is finished.

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I love that picture that Jesus

already did it all for me.

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That's so true.

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Mm.

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So my response is then to pursue

holiness out of a joy and a

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delight and an honor for Him.

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Good point.

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I was thinking just a couple of days

ago, how if you look at all the examples

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of the people in the Bible, none of

them are examples of perfectionism.

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There's none.

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There's not even any

perfect relationships.

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So why do we think that

we're going to do it?

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You know, I, I don't know.

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We, we think we're going

to do it on our own.

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And that's why we have to really surrender

it to the Lord and say only through you.

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Can I do the things that I need

to do and build and work with

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this child and all these things.

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I, you know, a little bit ago, when you

were talking about, you know, that messy

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bed, I was thinking, you know, when we

stand over our five year old and they're

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making their bed and they're doing

their best, we think that's perfect.

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That's just perfect because we

look at their best effort or we

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say, you know, you did a good job.

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Um, The Lord looks at us and he

doesn't say, wow, you blew it.

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That wasn't perfect.

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What if that was the way it was?

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It's just not.

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The Lord is working with us

and what a blessing that is.

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And so we need to look

at our children too.

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Do we expect perfection from them?

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That's too much pressure on

them to not, and, and a pressure

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that the Lord would never have.

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Mm hmm.

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I've been convicted in the last

few months that because I know this

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has been an issue for me, that I've

actually maybe given my kids a little

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bit too much leeway in certain areas.

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Not even pushing them towards

excellence in certain ways, giving

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them, a little bit too much slack, and.

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Not letting them really fulfill

their potential in certain areas.

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So, it was just like this little tweak

that the Lord was like, that's good that

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you're trying to not pass that on, but...

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Also, we want them to really

develop their strengths and

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really develop their character.

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It's good that they bear the yoke in their

youth, so, always kind of be evaluating

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what the messages we're sending are.

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And it changes as you're raising your

children because you might have a.

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You have a different standard, but

let's say you have a standard for your

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younger child that you can hold them to.

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You want them to, as far as

obedience, they need to hit the

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bullseye of the target in obedience.

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And when they've learned that, and they've

learned to humble their heart and submit

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their heart and, and they understand that,

and then you're working on their training.

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And then when they're a little bit older,

you're not You're not demanding complete

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conformity to particular standards.

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For instance, that their bedroom or their

room has to be just perfect every day.

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And because what you're doing

is you're giving them leeway.

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To develop their own conviction on

something they've already been taught.

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Okay, take this brick and build

on the foundation you've been

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given, and do your best work at it.

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And maybe the brick falls off,

or maybe whatever happens, you're

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helping them learn how to build their

own foundation, rather than us just

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bringing them along in a way that

they have to conform 100 percent to

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our way, so that when they leave the

home, they have no idea what to do.

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Because now they don't have

that intense structure.

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So that's why we put that spectrum of

order in the notebooks so that people can

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see, do I tend this way or the other way?

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And do I need to, like we say,

lighten up or tighten up a little bit?

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It's always good to, you know,

our husbands can tell us and

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something we work on together.

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Yes.

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My husband and I have definitely worked

on this together for many, many years.

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Yes.

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I think I've realized that ideally my

husband brings the peace because his

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idea of like a great day is just a great

nap and, and my, and I bring the fun.

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If we can meet together, that

can be a good refining and a good

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balance and to embrace that as the

Lord's sanctification in our life.

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Of course there are probably

some sandpaper moments as you're

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getting to that realization.

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I've talked about the birthday party

idea a couple of times here, but I

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love to throw parties, but my husband

doesn't really enjoy that as much.

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And so, I want to do it, then

that's going to be mostly on me.

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And then he also was like, can we

just not have them all the time?

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It turned out to be a really good thing

for me because he said, what if we just

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have them for our kids every five years?

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We didn't know we were going to have our

four kids pretty close together, so it

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still turns out to be about, you know, a

big one every year, but but that's a neat

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thing that is even set a good standard

for our kids where I'm not achieving

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this crazy unattainable thing of a

big party every year for each of them.

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It's like, hey, you know, this

year it's a family party, but in

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two years it is your turn and mom

is going to go all out for you.

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And so it's.

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Turned into a really fun

thing in our home of balance.

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And I'm grateful for that boundary

that the Lord put in place.

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And that is the point.

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Yeah.

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Husbands help us do that.

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They help us do that.

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I used to be so rigidly over structured

when I was first married because

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I had a plan and a direction and

I was on it and, you know, don't.

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You get me off track here and he

was much more easygoing and thank

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goodness for that in my life.

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Like you say, it brings balance.

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It takes you from the edge

of the cliff sometimes.

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I felt like maybe I was a Toy

that was just wound too tight.

427

And he helped me just realize, you

know, the, just to ease up a little bit.

428

So that's kind of a part of marriage

that is, it's obviously sanctifying,

429

but it can also be enjoyable.

430

So, you know, don't just look

at where you are on this.

431

But look at where your husband is.

432

Look at where your children is.

433

It actually helps us understand why

we might be like sandpaper, like you

434

said, or maybe we, you know, function

really well together, but to tell you

435

the truth, if you were both on the

very permissive side or both on the

436

very structured, rigid, perfectionist

side, there would be worse problems.

437

Having the opposites is actually helpful

in achieving balance in the home.

438

And I wish people realize this.

439

There's just really a beauty

in being so different.

440

Embrace the difference, right?

441

Yes, absolutely.

442

Yes.

443

I love how you said that

444

the truth is always, and when

we're talking about in this

445

regard, it's always in the middle.

446

And and yes, I think the Lord puts our

husbands in our life, our kids in our

447

life, and it's always a refining moment

to to shed our tendency towards perfection

448

and yield it more towards excellent.

449

It's always refining and he's

so good to do that to us.

450

I read this funny blog post a couple of

years ago by, I think her name is Erin

451

Lochner and she used to have her own

HGTV show and she's a believer and she

452

wrote a book about chasing slow, which

was great, but she talked about just

453

to Admit, I'm doing this for me, she

said she would go around her house on a

454

Saturday morning and she'd be cleaning,

cleaning, cleaning and thinking, why

455

am I the only one who cleans the house

and these aren't mine and I'm picking

456

them up and, and she had to come to a

point where she realized, you know what?

457

I like the clean house.

458

I'm doing this for me.

459

To share an example of that.

460

With her friends, she said she

knew this couple that the husband

461

liked to make toast every day.

462

So he would get out the toaster

and make his toast and then

463

he wouldn't put it away.

464

And the, it drove the wife nuts.

465

And she's like, why can't you

just put the toaster away?

466

And he said, well, why can't we just

have the toaster on the counter?

467

She said, it doesn't look nice.

468

We don't have any room, and

he looked at her fancy candle.

469

I think we could put it right there,

you know, if we could move your candle.

470

And, and she realized, if I'm the one

who wants the toaster in the cabinet,

471

then I'm gonna be okay putting it away.

472

Sometimes a little bit of that give

and take, like he had to get it out.

473

He would really like it on the counter.

474

So if it's so important to you to have

it off the counter, maybe you just put

475

it away and it's not such a big deal.

476

And I like an interested, you talk about.

477

To not be ashamed when we like to do

things well before the Lord, but we

478

don't need to hide that we can celebrate

that and, and if we know we're doing it

479

onto Him, of course, we don't need to be

showy in it, but just to delight in the

480

gifts that He gave us or the interest

that He gave us but in that, sometimes

481

we have to admit, I'm doing this for me.

482

This is because I like it this way

and I'm willing to go the extra

483

mile because that makes me happy.

484

Jen had some great thoughts to

share as well, even though she

485

couldn't join us for this episode.

486

She has a sweet daughter who

would fall on the perfectionistic

487

side, and Jen regularly tells her,

Your perfection is for heaven.

488

Just don't even try on this side

of earth to hit that, that mark.

489

Just be excellent for the Lord.

490

So, that was a sweet thought.

491

So sometimes when we observe somebody

that really does do something excellent,

492

like they're a pianist or a violinist,

and you know that they've put in so

493

much time to do that excellently.

494

And we think.

495

We, we praise them.

496

We're like, that is

awesome what you've done.

497

That's, you've really

accomplished something.

498

It's beautiful.

499

And it is.

500

But when it comes to somebody who does

beautiful birthday parties for their kids,

501

or something keeps a very clean house, we

tend to think Oh, she's way over the top.

502

Why can't we say to those women,

wow, you do that really well.

503

I applaud you for that.

504

I think we need more of that.

505

Not this striving for perfection,

but this freedom to tell women

506

that you, Do you do well and what

can I learn from you in that?

507

You know in the last I'm older than

both of you that in the 70s When I was

508

in college in the late seventies, there

was the feminist movement and it moved

509

away from women being in the home.

510

And we've reaped the consequences of

that for the last many, many years.

511

But I was so actually happy when

Martha Stewart came on the scene

512

and she brought domesticity back

to the house, to women, because

513

before that it was looked down upon.

514

Like, you didn't bake a

pie anymore, what's that?

515

You went and you bought it, or, you

know, it just was, every card that

516

you saw in the Hallmark store, even in

the Hallmark store, would be putting

517

down being at home and making a home.

518

But I love that it became sort of trendy

and vogue again to really care about

519

your home and the environment that you're

creating for your family to live in.

520

And that's important.

521

So we don't want it to be so stringent

that they're afraid to move anything

522

in the living room, you know but we

also want it to be, somebody once

523

told me when I was younger, early

married, your house should only be as.

524

Organized as it makes everybody

in your house feel comfortable.

525

And you know, at that point

it was just David and I.

526

So if David is uncomfortable

because I'm too rigid.

527

That's not a good thing.

528

But if I'm uncomfortable because he's

too lax, then that's not a good thing.

529

So then here we are back at

that balance again and working

530

towards honoring each other.

531

So learning how to do

things well together.

532

To keep order in the home.

533

Is it a, you know, a command of the

Lord that we have order in the home?

534

Yes.

535

So let's not shrink it off

and say, that's outdated.

536

We don't need to do that.

537

We do need to do that.

538

But enjoy it.

539

Enjoy it.

540

And if you do something

well, good for you.

541

I'm glad.

542

I applaud it.

543

That's so encouraging to hear that

everyone's order in the home will

544

look different and that's okay.

545

It's, you know, based couple

by couple, family by family.

546

That's such an encouraging word.

547

I think we often think everybody should be

cookie cutter, but in these areas we have

548

freedom to structure our home as as it's

comfortable for our family and our spouse

549

And it's also so encouraging to hear

that we should be calling out the things

550

that we see in other women that they do

well and that they excel in excellence.

551

We can learn so much from one another.

552

And if we set the competition aside and

just enjoy each other's gifting that

553

God has given, we can learn so much.

554

Yes, one lady that I learned so much from

and she was so hospitable and David and I,

555

they were about 15 years older than David

and I when we were in the Navigators in

556

college and they were inviting the, you

know, us college kids over all the time.

557

And I would say, I just can't believe

how you can keep your house always

558

ready, you know, to receive company.

559

And she's, you know, she

said, it's not clean.

560

I just like candles so

you can't see the dust.

561

And I thought that was awesome

because, you know, we felt so

562

welcomed and so you know, just happy

and accepted and comfortable there.

563

And I thought it was perfect.

564

I thought it was perfect.

565

Yes.

566

But she tipped her hand a little bit

and said, you know, it's really not.

567

And But it really was, you know, because

that was, that was the harmonious, stable,

568

life giving atmosphere that was there.

569

Yes, and that perfection can keep us

back from opening our home and and

570

thinking like, Oh, it's not perfect.

571

I don't have the perfect rug or,

or I haven't, I haven't dusted the

572

boards along the bottom of the floor.

573

How many times have you been in somebody's

house and you, you just feel treated.

574

You don't care about all of that stuff.

575

You just feel so treated and so cared for.

576

And so it's just such a deception.

577

That that everything has to

be lined up and so perfect.

578

I feel most comfortable in an unperfect

home than a rigid, perfect home.

579

So I think it's such a deception

that we so easily fall into when we

580

when we don't open our home because

we think it's not so perfect.

581

I love that story about the candle.

582

Marilyn Boyer is a really, really wise

solid, believing woman of 14 children.

583

And I heard her speak once and

she said that their cleaning

584

night in their home was Tuesday.

585

And so if company came over

on Friday, they didn't, you

586

know, they didn't do more.

587

They had cleaned the home and

stewarded it well on Tuesday.

588

And so she was training her kids.

589

We have order.

590

We take care of what God has given us,

but we don't have to, you know, scramble

591

because we're having company over.

592

And I thought that was

a really neat standard.

593

And, and so I also, you know, to

teach our children routines and you

594

know, sometimes I'll realize like

people are coming over and my kids are

595

watching me scramble a little bit and

I'm just thinking, oh, this is great.

596

I'm getting stuff done and, and, but

I think their perception sometimes

597

is like, we don't want to have people

over, you know, and I'm like, oh,

598

I'm like, oh no, no, I'm sorry.

599

Like.

600

I'm doing this because it's exciting

for me to get something accomplished,

601

and I'm just kind of trying to

be super efficient, but to them,

602

it seems like a frenzy sometimes.

603

Yeah.

604

Yes.

605

I think we've hit on a couple

points several times that...

606

Perfectionism does leave you

stressed, maybe paralyzed to begin,

607

comparing yourself and putting a

high standard for your children and

608

maybe even for your spouse standards

that the Lord did not give us.

609

And excellence leaves you feeling

blessed, excited to begin and

610

elevating others and their gifts.

611

And most importantly, resting in

the finished work of Jesus Christ.

612

And I think this is such a

practical, applicable lesson

613

that we can all probably embrace.

614

this week, whether it's, lifting someone

up or just adjusting our standards in

615

our home, making sure we're in the center

of that spectrum of order and emulating

616

the character of Christ in our homes.