Do you struggle with saying no? Join me as I dive into the power of mastering selectivity and how it can catapult your success. Discover why it can be so challenging to say NO and learn practical strategies for overcoming those obstacles. From setting a clear vision for your business to identifying what truly feels expansive, I'll guide you through the process of making aligned decisions that serve your goals.

If you're ready to let go of guilt, eliminate shiny object syndrome, and start achieving the goals you set for your coaching business, this episode is for you. Tune in now and embrace the transformative power of saying no!

[00:00:42] Lauren Brollier Newton: So power of saying no, mastering selectivity to catapult success, that you will find I think by the end of this episode that your willingness and ability to say no is going to help the mission, not the other way around.

[00:01:04] Lauren Brollier Newton: This is a quote from Steve Jobs. He said, people think focus means saying yes to the thing you've got to focus on, but that's not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred of other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I'm actually as proud of the things we haven't done, as the things that we have done. Because innovation is saying no to a thousand things.

[00:01:53] Lauren Brollier Newton: I think for the beginning coach, it can be harder to know what to say no to because you're just getting started and you'd love to attract [00:02:00] clients. And so there's this temptation that, Oh, if I say yes to everything, that somehow, something's going to stick and I'm going to be successful. So today, I really want to teach you about the art of selectivity, the art of saying no in service of the business that you're dreaming of having.

[00:02:31] Lauren Brollier Newton: So let's just start by why it can be so hard to say no. Why can it feel so hard to say no to things? If you come across a decision moment, and you're wanting to say no, but you're struggling with the no, open up your mind and notice what you're noticing and notice what you're thinking is doing.

[00:03:11] Lauren Brollier Newton: And so again, coming back time and time again, especially on this podcast, being an abundant coach, those are not abundant thoughts, first and foremost. But to be an abundant coach, you can't be thinking from constriction and condition all the time. It's just going to have a life limit. it. And it's not going to work.

[00:03:40] Lauren Brollier Newton: I once was working with a client. It was fascinating. This is why it's so important to notice what you're thinking and notice why you don't say no. And she was feeling like she wasn't being successful. And she was frustrated with the state of her coaching business. And as her coach, I was saying, tell me more about what you think is getting in the way of you having this successful [00:04:00] business. And she said, I work from home, and I can never get anything done. Because there's just so many distractions at home.

[00:04:18] Lauren Brollier Newton: So I asked her, tell me more. And she said, I always am getting interrupted in my office because I have a dog, and I'm constantly worrying about the dog and the dog is coming in and out. And my husband and this and that. And I said, okay, so I'm hearing you say that your family, your dog and your husband are the primary people you live with seem to be distracting you all day long.

[00:04:59] Lauren Brollier Newton: Cause if you think [00:05:00] about working from home, I don't want to go off on a big work from home tangent here, but if you think about working from home, if you were in an office, your husband and your dog would not be coming in and connecting with you all day, every day.

[00:05:29] Lauren Brollier Newton: And when your door is closed, your husband knows that this is a time where you're working. And she responded and she said, I can't do that. I really don't think I can do that. And I said, okay, again, tell me more. And she said, I don't want to shut them out of my life. And it was so severe. If I shut my door for work, I'm shutting them out of my life.

[00:06:09] Lauren Brollier Newton: How powerful is it? So this is why we're going into this. Why is it hard to say no? Because there's all these underlying beliefs and fears about the other people in our life, or that we're saying no to, or that we're saying yes to, that if we don't examine them, they're running our ability to create success or not.

[00:06:48] Lauren Brollier Newton: So I said to her, is it possible? We're not saying it's for sure going to happen. We're just saying is one possibility in this infinite universe that you could maintain a deep and beautiful [00:07:00] connection, and close your door for a few hours a day and get work done. Is there a possible way that we can create that makes that feel good?

[00:07:23] Lauren Brollier Newton: So you want to know when you're thinking about saying no, and you're not going to say no, because whatever reason you think you can't say no, let's unlock some of the things that are going on below the surface, so that you can transform those, so you can feel empowered to say no. Something else I think you have to have in place, especially as a business owner, when you're thinking about the things to say yes to, and the things to say no to, every business owner, especially in a coaching business should have not just a business plan. Like I'm going to do this many webinars. I'm going to invite this many people. This is my growth plan. I'm not talking about a plan, so just take that away if that's what you're thinking. I'm [00:08:00] talking about a vision, a dream. What is your vision for your business with a magic wand? What would you most love to create? And have that written down. Because not only is it going to help you manifest it faster, not only is it going to take help you take action, but when you know what your vision is, every time a possibility comes in, you can measure it against that vision and decide if you're going to say yes to it or you're going to say no to it. If it doesn't serve the vision, I'm saying no. If it does serve the vision, then I'm going to consider saying yes.

[00:09:31] Lauren Brollier Newton: My dream for 2019 was also to speak on more stages because I knew when I was speaking, that was my number one client attraction tool, whether I was hosting the workshop or I was on someone else's stage. So those were my two main visions for 2019. My vision was to generate multiple 6 figures as a coach. My vision was to, like I said, speak, do workshops. My vision was to serve probably within a hundred clients that year. And so I'm just visioning what I would absolutely love. [00:10:00] And I decided I wasn't going to work on Fridays that year. I might work on projects or admin or things like that, but I wasn't going to be client facing on Fridays. So I had a vision of what my year would look like.

[00:10:43] Lauren Brollier Newton: So for example, in that particular year, I had the opportunity to do a social media, study course, whatever. And it actually looked great. I'm like, Oh, I would love to improve my social media skills. But when I looked at what my main initiatives were, and I asked myself, do [00:11:00] I believe that improving my social media skills to this extent will actually fulfill my goal of speaking on more stages, doing workshops, taking Fridays off. Do I really believe that's an alignment?

[00:11:25] Lauren Brollier Newton: And so, that was a no moment for me. And so, you're going to want to have a very clear vision of what you're doing in your business this year. What are you putting your primary focus on ,and when opportunities come, which they will, does this really serve the model that I'm using? The thing that I would love to be doing. So you definitely want to have a vision, so that you know what to say yes to or no to, because it becomes like your North star.

[00:12:01] Lauren Brollier Newton: For example, an opportunity comes across your desk. You think about you vision, putting it on your calendar and living that opportunity out, does it feel life giving to you? Do you think I would absolutely love to do that? I'm thrilled to do that. Or does it feel a little bit more, I don't know. It sounds okay. Is it expansive or is it contractive?

[00:12:32] Lauren Brollier Newton: I remember one time, Mary Morrissey asked me to speak on her virtual stage at DreamBuilder live. It felt amazingly expansive to me. And yet when I heard that there were going to be more than 5,000 people listening, my freaking nervous system got super scared. The fear itself, speaking and making a difference, expansive. Did it trigger my nervous system of Oh, there's some fear there? Yes. That doesn't mean it's constrictive. It means something is expansive, but I've never done that [00:13:00] before. So my nervous system is like, Hey, this is unknown, there's a safety mechanism that pops in there. And so something can be both expansive and scary at the same time. It doesn't mean I'm going to say no, because it's scary. We could do a whole episode on fear, but let me just say, fear is not a stop sign. It's a qualifier, Mary would say.

[00:13:32] Lauren Brollier Newton: For example, I use this example a lot. It's a little bit dramatic, but I think it's a good example. I used to teach school. If you said to me, Lauren, we will give you a million dollars, but you have to go back and teach school for a year. That does not feel expansive to me.

[00:14:08] Lauren Brollier Newton: So, if you are still feeling afraid of saying no, I went over the first thing and the office door closed and all that, but I know there's going to be some of you who are listening to this and saying, I still feel bad about saying no. Someone wants me to do something and I say no. Someone invites me somewhere and I say no. I get an opportunity and I say, no. I feel bad about that, Lauren, I can't help myself. I get that you're saying that, all the things you took me through, but I still feel guilty. What do I do?

[00:14:46] Lauren Brollier Newton: What is good? What feels expansive? And it can't be that something is terrible for someone else and good for you. Not really good. So you could say, Oh, I've seen business people, screw someone else over so they can get theirs. [00:15:00] But is that truly a universal vibration of good? No, it's a vibration of greed.

[00:15:21] Lauren Brollier Newton: Do people go in and screw it up sometimes? Of course they do, but that's not really a vibration of good. If somebody breaks into your car and steals from you. Is it really good for them? They're a person having to break into a car. No. So there's no private good. It can't be good for one person, bad for the rest.

[00:15:59] Lauren Brollier Newton: So my client [00:16:00] said, I think I'm going to let my sister and her son come live with me for a little bit. And I don't know if I intuitively just had a hit in this moment, I didn't react like, Oh, you're going to do that. I didn't react like that, but I just said to myself, that can absolutely be an option.

[00:16:27] Lauren Brollier Newton: In fact, her child has a lot of challenges and I work from home, and I think it's going to be a big challenge, but I want to help my sister get out of this relationship. So you can see here, she's thinking, it's okay for me to be uncomfortable. And she didn't use the word suffer, but suffer a little bit, for the good of my sister and her son.

[00:17:14] Lauren Brollier Newton: And if you're constricted and off that there, that's not going to be good for them ultimately. So let's think of some other ideas. Could there be a way that you feel amazing and your sister feels amazing? She doesn't want to be in a place where she's not wanted. What would you be willing to mastermind and brainstorm some additional ideas to help your sister?

[00:17:46] Lauren Brollier Newton: There's always possibilities. And get really involved in what you would love. And know that's going to be a win for the other person too. All right.

[00:18:20] Lauren Brollier Newton: And when she is there, she's tired, and I've got to take care of them, and I've got to be the only one. So again, enter this no private good. You're suffering, you're burnt out, you want to pull your hair out. That's not good for your parents. I know you think it's good because you're helping them, but it's ultimately not good for them to have a daughter who's making herself sick. That's not a vibration of good.

[00:19:12] Lauren Brollier Newton: She's, Oh no, I'd love that. So we have this vision, parents safe, taking care of loved, enjoying their life, meals are cooked for them, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So now, we ask the question. What steps can I take to achieve that vision? Now, one idea is, I take care of them. Sure. But we came up with, I think by the time we finished masterminding, we had a list of 14 or 15 ideas of what she could do to support her parents that didn't necessarily just have to involve her.

[00:20:00] Lauren Brollier Newton: Final thing about saying no that can be challenging for a coach. I mentioned this earlier, but I'm going to bring it back around here is, it's easy to get shiny object syndrome. Oh, there's this webinar about this over here. Webinar about that over here, this over here, this strategy, that strategy, this group of people who are meeting and practicing together and this and that.

[00:20:37] Lauren Brollier Newton: And then you get shiny objects. And you're like, let me try this and let me try that. And let me try this and let me try that. And nothing works.

[00:20:50] Lauren Brollier Newton: I had a client, we coached one-to-one together. So every week we would have a one-to-one call. I was taking her through a VIP program of mine. Every week, we would come up with some great steps [00:21:00] she could take to grow her coaching business. And we would come up with those steps. She would feel really expansive about it. We did it in an expansive way. And she'd come back the next week, and she would say, Oh, I decided not to do those because I decided to do this. And it was always something shiny object. There was a webinar, someone was teaching on a LinkedIn training, or there was this, or there was that. Let me be clear, I'm not saying don't expand your horizons and learn, but only if you're going to implement it. If you're going to do something with it to help people and grow your business. So we'd always come up with these great ideas that served her vision that were right on point. And then she'd get distracted and come back and say, I didn't take the action.

[00:22:07] Lauren Brollier Newton: She was like, Oh, she's wow. I didn't see it, but now that you say it, wow, okay. I just invited her to an inquiry of, what do you think that's about? Let's think about that. And I think she didn't know in the moment, but the next week she came back to her coaching session and she said, I know what it is. I really know what it is. I'm like, okay, great. What is it? And she said, I just realized that deep down, I actually have a fear of enrolling clients. Cause I'm afraid I'm not going to be good enough to coach them. Mind blown.

[00:22:54] Lauren Brollier Newton: So if you're a coach that gets shiny object syndrome, and you're saying yes to everything, [00:23:00] something that's going to help you to say no is to understand what's really going on. It's not that dissimilar from the closing the office door story. But I'm really inviting you to reflect on this. Don't just turn off this podcast and then go on to the same old crap. Really, ask yourself if that's you, if you identify within some of these things we've talked about. What's the step you're going to take?

[00:23:35] Lauren Brollier Newton: Take this, apply it, use it with your own clients. I am holding for you that now, everything on your calendar is going to be there because it serves the vision, and because it's life giving to you.