In this Episode, I'm sharing with you about my journey with chronic illness and how it has been a contributing factor in my burn out story.

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 Welcome to the breaking up with burnout podcast. This is a space for high achievers who are tired of feeling exhausted and ready to reclaim your energy, joy, and purpose. I'm Tiffany Lederer. I'm a therapist and a burnout coach and someone who deeply understands what it's like to give your all while feeling like there's nothing left.

You feel me? If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the pressure of to do more, to be more, and push through, even when you're running on empty, you're not alone. And this podcast is for you. Each week we'll have honest, heart centered conversations about what it really takes to heal from burnout. You will hear from my guests and myself about our stories and how we have unpacked the patterns that keep us stuck, redefine what success is in our life, and explore how to create a life that feels as good as it looks.

This is your permission to pause, breathe, and remember. You don't have to do it all to be worthy. You are already worthy just by who you are right now. Okay. Let's navigate this journey together, one soulful step at a time. Welcome back to the pod. Glad you're here. I hope you have enjoyed the episodes with my guests and my story.

I am deep diving again into my story today and I am excited. I'm like, I am optimistically, I can't talk, optimistically cautious and excited about sharing my story. It's always a little nerve wracking for me, um, because I am deep diving a little bit more and sharing more of me to you. But my goal and my hope is that my story will encourage you.

I know that my voice is important and that it has Impact and influence in ways that I'll never know and imagine. And for you that are listening, that's listening here, it's impacting you and it's encouraging and inspiring you. And I hope that is my hope. That's the spirit of creating these podcasts is that you can be encouraged and specifically about my story.

You can be encouraged by my story. So I've talked to you about like history. Um, and different, uh, mindsets and fears and worries and things that have developed to, uh, my burnout, like my ultimate burnout. What I call is my ultimate burnout incident, I guess. Another layer of my story that I wanted to share with you is about chronic illness.

I am still new at using this term, even though it's been a reality in my life since high school and sharing this journey is difficult, but it's also empowering because the things that are happening in my body do not define me, even though some days it feels that way. Because I feel limited or I have felt guilty and I will feel like a failure.

I have shared, I will share all of like more in depth, all of these things, but living with a chronic illness is, um, it's a journey. It's complicated. It's not fun, but I have come to a place where of acceptance. It's like a radical acceptance that my brain and my body is trying to tell me something and I have to respond to take care of it as much as I have passion in taking care of my clients and my team and my spouse or my family because as you know, as women, it's easier for us to take care of others than it is to take care of ourselves.

And that's where my journey kind of starts. with chronic illness is that I, it has come out of the people pleasing mentality I talked about last time, the perfectionist mentality. So when that happens, we have chronic stress symptoms in our body. When we are not operating for ourselves, but we're operating in a place of pleasing for other people.

Create stress in our body because our body can't be fully at peace, fully content, fully accepting of where we're at because we're always striving to do something different and that affects our bodies. For me, I am genetically predisposed to stomach aches, gut health issues. If you look at my family line, as far as my mom's.

Particularly, there's a lot of family members that have had gut health issues. Um, going back as far as my mom can remember. And it's something that I deal with as well.

I can remember having the occasional upset stomach or throwing up or, you know, what you do as kids, but I can remember distinctly. Um, where it started affecting my everyday life or like, it's like what comes first, the stomach ache, the fear, the stress, um, or what we don't like, I don't really know, but all I know is my body responded to the stress that I was feeling.

And I started having more stomach aches. This was in high school where we started to notice more frequency. And like I had passed out one time and, um, because the pain was so bad and my doctor pretty much told me that like the pain is exasperated because I'm super anxious about the stomach aches. And so.

Um, you know, she taught me deep breathing exercises and there's somebody else I went to that taught me. I think, I know my mom did, but I feel like there was another professional I went to. Maybe it was the GI doctor, um, cause I've had. My share of colonoscopies I should already have in my lifetime before the age to get those To figure out these issues.

So over my life, I've had stomach issues I just I ate the wrong thing. My stomach's upset. That's kind of how I've always explained it's like, yeah, I do have stomach issues, but no big deal. And I think I was minimizing because I didn't know what it was. I didn't know it was like chronic illness until recently, really in the last year or so.

I was like, wow, I have a chronic health issue, which means like it's ongoing. And this has been ongoing since high school. I've had periods of time where I've gone a year without having any issues. I've had like six months periods of time. I've had other periods of time where I've had seven or eight, you know, flare ups within a two month span.

And there's no definitive like cause for it. I mean, I can go into the science behind it. What I've learned and what I do, which I probably will towards. As I'm talking about it, but, um, it feels like it just comes at random and for a long time it did that and I would do good eating, eating well and trying to take care of my body and then I would eat something that normally was like on my safe food list and then it would bother me and it's like what in the world is happening?

What is really going on here? Along my journey I've been diagnosed with IBS. And I've been diagnosed with like anxiety and those two go hand in hand. I can remember the doctor that diagnosed me with IBS. Um, she was a sweet lady, but like, she's like, here, take this medicine and it should be okay. Well, I took the medicine and it made me like a zombie.

And I was like, dope, can't do that. Cause I can't work. I can't think I can't do well in school. This is more like college time when I was really. Um, pursuing a diagnosis or just pursuing like what's going on. And over the years, the flare ups had gotten worse where my body was being affected more and. Um, I would feel so guilty because I'd have to take off work or I had to have a procedure done or I had to, um, not do what I really wanted to do.

And a lot of it was like taking time off of work. I felt so guilty about it because. I felt like a failure, like I couldn't perform, I couldn't do my job, then what does that mean about me? Because I'm taking all this time off, and I can't be there, I can't be there for my clients, like, I just went down this rabbit spiral, in my mind, because like, my body was not able to perform in the way that I expected it to perform and being sick, not that it was not allowed, but like, I ain't got, I ain't got time to be sick.

I still say that now to a certain extent, like I ain't got time to be sick. I don't want to be sick, but now I have figured out the rhythm of. Resting and releasing stress and doing all the things so that I'm not as sick. Or if I do, if I am sick, I can be radically accepting of it to make sure I take care of my body.

But for a long time, it was like guilt. I felt guilty for being sick and not working and not showing up for my clients that I worked with. I can remember a specific time where I'm sitting on my couch. I'm like eating crackers. Not, I say barely alive, but not really, but like, I just felt so depleted and I'm getting up the courage to text my boss and be like, Hey, I'm not coming in today.

And the mental gymnastics I used to put myself through because I felt guilty or there was a meeting or I was supposed to be, you know, whatever, supposed to be part of something. I don't even remember what was going on that day, but I just felt. So guilty and I'm sitting there like eating my crackers like barely staying awake and so depleted and I was feeling guilty about work and not showing up at work.

It's such an oxymoron because it's like Now that I look back at it. I'm like Tiffany you couldn't function like you needed to stay on the couch and eat your crackers and Drink your ginger ale and at the time ginger ale now, I know ginger ale is not the best Remedy for a stomachache, but

You know the oxymoron of like why are you like Why are you feeling guilty? Your body needs to rest like from a place of self compassion. Now I can look at it back with self compassion, but back then, boy, the inner critic was loud. It was loud. And thankfully at the time, and most of the time I've had some really great bosses, but this one specifically was so gracious.

And I remember getting a text back saying. Take care of yourself. I'm praying for you. We'll see you when you get better. I needed the grace. I needed I guess, like, I think I I think I was fearful of like, rejection. That my boss would not be pleased with me because I wasn't coming in. Would not, it, they would be disappointed that I wasn't able to show up that day.

And the reality in what they showed me was grace. And that was like the start of really working on self compassion, especially when I've been sick and. Being like, okay, what did I feel in that moment? I felt such relief. I cried. I remember crying because the inner critic was so strong that day of, well, you needed to get together.

You need to just suck it up. You need to go to work. You don't have a fever. You're not throwing up. But I was so depleted because of probably like throwing up or having stomach issues and going to the bathroom a lot. Cause I'm sitting on the couch eating crackers. Like barely able to move so many tears I shed because of this guilt, because of the inner critic, because my body was not performing in the way that I wanted it to perform.

I can remember times that I was just mad. At my body. I'm like, why, why are you doing this? I got, don't have time for this. Like we needed to get, get it together body. And in reality, I laugh because it's just funny how I used to talk to my body. Um, it's funny, funny, not funny. You know what I mean? I would just get so frustrated.

And I realized my body was talking back saying, Hey, you can't work right now. Hey, you are not feeling good. Something is wrong inside of you and we need to take care of it. If you have a chronic illness, you know, the frustration that I have felt in this next part that I'm going to share. Um, it's the constant appointments, going to your doctor, saying nothing is wrong.

Like, something I've explained recently is I've just kept going to doctors and they keep telling me nothing is wrong, but I know within me something is wrong because something keeps happening. And like, fast forward to present day, or in the last. Probably a year, it's gotten worse. Some of the symptoms I've had have been new or it has gotten worse.

And so the advocacy you have to have, the perseverance that you have to have in going to the doctor and getting help is exhausting. I know for me and for you, we are our best advocate. We are the best person to be able to advocate for ourselves, stand up for ourselves and share what's going on with our doctors.

But it's hard to do that when you get dismissed or you're told, I haven't specifically been told, I know other people have been told that it's all in their head, that nothing else is going on. I have had a doctor kind of just be minimizing what I'm asking and what I'm sharing with them. Um,

or they feel annoyed by all of my questions that I have. And so. There's a frustration that starts to happen when you're like, I know something's wrong or something's not right. My body's telling me this. I'm feeling it and I need to get some answers. So I've been on a journey since high school of periods of time where I'm standing up for myself.

I'm going into the doctor's office. I'm asking questions. I'm trying to trust the doctors, like I want to, I want to trust them. I want to trust what they're telling me and what they want me to do to try to minimize the symptoms that I'm having. But that was just it. It was symptom management and not figuring out what was causing everything and the symptoms would come back or I would have adverse effects of medication.

Or different foods I would eat or the food list would change. Like some of the stuff I could eat. I can't anymore. There's stuff that I tried to eat. It didn't bother me. It's almost like Russian roulette when it comes to trying different foods and eating them. Um, as to whether or not my body's going to do well with it or not.

And so that process just gets exhausting and you know, not to mention like advocating for yourself with. Uh, your doctors, it's also with your family and your friends, because like I can remember when I first started, um, gluten free, becoming gluten free and even doing like a FOD, what's called a FODMAP diet to help minimize my gut health issues and the symptoms I was having.

And it's like you go out to eat with your friends or you go to happy hour after work and you're like, well, I can't eat that. Well, I can't eat this. Well, you know, so the people pleasing kicks back in, you go and you eat anyways. Cause you're like, you know what? I'm just tired of fighting this mental battle of like ordering food and asking questions and.

Um, asking the waiter a question, like I have big to a repression when it comes to that now, not so much, but looking at my past, like I didn't want to speak up for myself because I felt like I was an inconvenience. I felt like I was inconveniencing my friends. I felt like I was inconvenienced the whole situation.

If I was asking for special things, you know, people out of the kindness of the hearts didn't know how to take it. So they would joke about it. But for me, joking about it is not. Um, I consider myself a sensitive person and I embrace that and joking about something I'm already uncomfortable about is, you know, it just brings me to tears and it feels very hurtful.

So I would sometimes laugh it off with people, I'm like, yeah, ha ha, I can't eat real, you know, pasta or whatever it is. And it's like, what do you do? You just let us, or you're just like a rabbit, you eat rabbit food, like I can't even tell you. And I'm like, yeah, I'd love to eat all the things and not have stomach aches and headaches for days and be off of work and all the things, but you know.

You know, people just don't know how to react sometimes, and I know that, so I have so much compassion for them. Back in the day, maybe in my twenties, I didn't, but now older and wiser, right?

So what does my chronic illness journey have to do with burnout? That exhaustion I was telling you about advocating for myself? The, uh, processing as far as like, I'm having to process, like, what do I say to the waiter? What do I say to my friends? Do I go to this event or not? What do I say to my coworkers?

Like, I can't go out to eat because of this or yeah, I can go, but we need to pick like a gluten free friendly restaurant and like, you know, years ago that was really hard. Right now, it's a lot better, but, um. You know, it's all those battles you can get burnt out and pursuing your health issues and problems, especially when you have a chronic illness, because of all the things that I just talked about, all the experiences, all the thoughts of.

I can't figure this out or the dark, maybe it is in my head. Maybe I'm not looking at it in the right way, like all these different things, but there's always that gut feeling for me. It's like, there's always that deep within my soul gut feeling of like something else is wrong here or something. I need to talk about this.

I need to share about this. I need to do this and call it intuition. I like to call it the Holy spirit within me, um, guiding me. Towards what I needed to do and with my health, it's always been that way, especially the last couple of years, because I'm like, okay, I know it's, I have these symptoms. They all feel like they're tied together with some of the research that I have looked at.

Speaking of research, I'm a researcher by profession and by nature, so I'm going to go down the rabbit trail. I'm going to do the research. I'm going to see if all of these symptoms are connected, see what I can find. And I felt like I, it's a system issue that I was having. It wasn't just one system. I had several systems in my body that was reacting.

And I started to see the connection in all of it. And I was like, there's got to be something more to it. So even just questioning, even just thinking about it, researching it, talking to friends about it. Uh, talking to my husband about it. I can remember when we first. Started dating and I was like, hey, I just need you to know like I have stomach issues I'm like, and I'm not your average Bear when it comes to stomach issues like I have to be gluten free I have to do all of this other stuff like it was very new to him but he He jumped on board pretty easily.

He's never made me feel Bad for what I'm eating or can't eat or do. And now he has his own stuff too, . So we're on this journey together. And I think neglecting health, not dealing with health, um, 'cause there are times where you just have to, like I was talking to a friend one time and we were, we both have chronic health issues and she's like, you know, sometimes, you know, we're.

We're on it, and we're pursuing it, and we're going to the doctors, and sometimes we just need to rest from it. And just take a break from it, and then when we feel like we're ready again, we'll jump back into it. Because it is an exhausting process. So, um, I know I keep saying that, but it is. Like, the exhaustion is so real, and it, it, um, leads to burnout.

And what I now know is that I have to listen to my body, have so much self compassion, like more than I could ever give to myself. So the inner critic is very quiet or, and, or I can recognize inner critic, inner critic, inner critic quickly and have more self compassion. And, and take the breaks that I need to take, take the rest I need to take.

Actually this morning, I took a little bit longer getting up and get going for work because I knew yesterday I had some really hard news of family and friends that are being affected with health conditions, mental, emotional, and physical. And I'm an empath. I can easily take that stuff on and I knew I probably needed a good night's sleep and I needed to have a slow morning because of that.

Also I go through times of in the season we are in this, in our world of like looking at the news and feeling my feelings about it and all of that, and I can get overwhelmed. Speaking of, I am actually doing a podcast inside my membership called the Take a Moment Collective, where I'm going to be talking about that when you feel overwhelmed, whether it's by news, health, life, and what I'm doing about it.

So if you want to join the membership, it will launch next month. If this is out in March, then it launches in March. So join that wait list so you can hear that podcast.

Anyways, so now I know I need to take the time to rest, support my body, support my brain in whatever way I need to. This year I've been practicing meditation. I have over the years, but I know it's something that needs to be consistent. Like this morning, I listened to meditation. After I record this, I'm going to do some deep breathing and use my face ice roller to help relieve any tension in my body.

Um, doing this doesn't relieve. I mean doing this doesn't build tension, but like I've noticed this morning in my shoulders. I have some tension in my face ice roller immediately. It releases that tension. It helps reset my nervous system. So I do that as well. I'm still on the chronic health journey. I'm still navigating diagnoses, how I feel about it and how to support my body.

But I'm now in a place where I can take care of myself and I'm not burning out. I have found a supportive doctor. You know, the support of my family and friends is always, and I feel like I'm getting some answers and it's a journey. It really is a journey. I've learned a lot about myself in this process.

I've learned how to listen to my body, where I have neglected my body in the past. I've learned to speak kindly to my body. And I've learned my triggers to my body, what makes it more tired or what makes it feel really good. And, um, my, you know, ultimate goal, as you guys know, it's like I'm breaking up with burnout and I'm breaking up with burnout when it comes to handling and dealing with chronic health issues.

So I'm not perfect, but I'm well on my way. If you have any more questions, if you want to know more about my story, please send me a DM on the socials. You can find me at see the wonder LLC. You can find me on Facebook at Tiffany leader LCSW, but also my regular Facebook page, which I'm not exactly sure, like it's still under my maiden name.

I can't get it switched, but I have a link in the show notes for that. One of my favorite ways I've been, uh, connecting with people is through email, kind of getting old school there. So email me at tiffanyleaderatseethewonder. net. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening to this episode. I hope it inspired you and encouraged you and anything that stood out to you.

I would love to hear from you about it. I love connecting with other people. And, Please reach out to me because my inbox, my DMS, my voice notes is always open. It's always open. Okay, until next time. I want

to just give you some updates of what is coming. So like I mentioned in this episode, I am launching the Take a Moment Collector. This is for the high achieving female, sorry guys, who wants community, desires community, around taking microbe elements and wellness, taking elements that are so nourishing.

Okay. Joyful. Rest. Rest. Restored in. And. And feel that. Feel the spray of that. And say, I don't want to rush. I want the moment to change. Because it's good. That moment's good. So, work hard. Right now, you

will get A sequence of emails when you sign up for the newsletter or for the email and, um, you'll get more information there. Again, my inbox is always open, so please let me know if you have any questions about it. Also, just a friendly reminder, I have my Reflections in my notebook, which is a user one book, so how can you reflect on reflection is one of the first phases of thinking in your life.

Because it brings self awareness. You know, you can just see where I'm at, where I'm from, and where I'm meant to go. In this workbook, I have questions and spaces for you to ponder, process, and set up your goals for what you want to achieve all year long. What I love about this workbook is that you can stretch it out yourself.

If you have a section that says, you need to set up a strategy, and remind yourself. We are

so excited about it, it looks so beautiful, and we want everybody to see it. Enjoy it and get resources and hear more about us. You can go to the website again. It's in the show notes but it is No, www, but see the wonder. net Peruse around