This Here's Tubed, River Chicken

Speaker: 00:00:05

Welcome to Queer Next, the podcast that

puts the Yee Hall in y'all means hall.

2

: 00:00:09

I'm your host, Beck, and I'm your host.

3

: 00:00:10

Dash.

4

: 00:00:11

Welcome to today's episode.

5

: 00:00:17

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Did you

do that like summer thing where

6

: 00:00:19

you got your sleep schedule all

7

: 00:00:21

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Oh yeah.

8

: 00:00:21

I was going to bed at like nine or

10 o'clock with Shannon and sleeping

9

: 00:00:24

literally till 10 30 every morning.

10

: 00:00:26

yeah, I was sleeping glorious amounts.

11

: 00:00:29

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: You know what?

12

: 00:00:30

I watched an episode of Good Hang

with Amy Poer, where she was talking

13

: 00:00:33

to Dakota Johnson, who said that she

sleeps like 13, 14 hours at a night day.

14

: 00:00:39

Whenever.

15

: 00:00:39

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I only do

that when I don't have classes and shit.

16

: 00:00:41

You know what I mean?

17

: 00:00:42

This was my one summer

being paid like a teacher.

18

: 00:00:45

I was getting paid all summer

to do absolutely jack shit, I

19

: 00:00:47

was technically working two jobs

while I was sitting on my ass, so

20

: 00:00:51

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: See, that's

21

: 00:00:52

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: yeah.

22

: 00:00:52

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I got

an old man style health alert

23

: 00:00:56

from my watch just earlier.

24

: 00:00:57

I went from my walk.

25

: 00:00:58

and you know, I have, I have

had, I've not been super healthy.

26

: 00:01:02

I've had some things going on

since around March or April.

27

: 00:01:06

And, uh, back then I got a, do

you have an, uh, smartwatch?

28

: 00:01:09

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Shannon does

29

: 00:01:10

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

They fucking perverts.

30

: 00:01:12

do You remember back in the day when

you would have the sniffles or something

31

: 00:01:15

and you would get on WebMD and it

would be like, well, you've either

32

: 00:01:18

got seasonal allergies or some rare

33

: 00:01:20

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: right.

34

: 00:01:21

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

smartwatch with, with a health

35

: 00:01:23

on it or something is like that.

36

: 00:01:24

But you wear it and it'll just

jump out at you sometimes.

37

: 00:01:27

And so it come up back in March or

April and said like, your cardiac

38

: 00:01:32

health is below average or something.

39

: 00:01:34

something.

40

: 00:01:34

It won't tell you that you're

unhealthy because it, it's

41

: 00:01:36

not trying to diagnose you.

42

: 00:01:38

And it stayed like that

until nine days ago when I.

43

: 00:01:42

I took leave from work and I got back

from my walk and it gave me an alert

44

: 00:01:45

and it was like, you've got a new trend

in your cardiac health and my resting

45

: 00:01:49

heart rate is back down to a, a healthy

46

: 00:01:51

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Oh, that's awesome.

47

: 00:01:52

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: you know?

48

: 00:01:53

when the doctor tells you

to rest, kids do what they

49

: 00:01:55

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah, Shanna's

learning that she, uh, should have taken a

50

: 00:01:58

few more days off of work after her fall.

51

: 00:02:00

She fell at work and hit her head really

bad and bruised her knee so badly.

52

: 00:02:04

I think she chipped her kneecap

like, it's hurting so much.

53

: 00:02:07

Yeah, I cracked it.

54

: 00:02:08

Or, or something.

55

: 00:02:09

'cause she's got a lot of pain around it.

56

: 00:02:11

And,

57

: 00:02:12

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: possible.

58

: 00:02:13

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: when you

get pain, when you get a bruise

59

: 00:02:14

on your shin like that, the, the

bruise will run down your leg.

60

: 00:02:18

So she's got a whole purple leg where

she only hit like around the knee

61

: 00:02:21

and stuff, but it looks gruesome.

62

: 00:02:23

she had a concussion and now she's got

soreness in her neck and shoulders.

63

: 00:02:27

And I told her she might

even have whiplash, because

64

: 00:02:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I mean,

it sounds like a fucked up fall.

65

: 00:02:33

That's scary.

66

: 00:02:34

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: She, she's

got like a goose egg still on top of her

67

: 00:02:37

head big yellow bruise on her forehead.

68

: 00:02:40

She should have just taken a few more

days 'cause her knee is really hurting.

69

: 00:02:43

And she's at work right now.

70

: 00:02:44

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Jesus,

71

: 00:02:45

I mean, I'm, so glad that she has

found work that like, you know,

72

: 00:02:49

fills her up and is meaningful and

she's excited to do, because for the

73

: 00:02:52

longest time up there, was outside her

74

: 00:02:55

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

75

: 00:02:55

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

but like, dang, you gotta

76

: 00:02:57

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

77

: 00:02:57

She's working like 50

hours a week right now.

78

: 00:03:00

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Well, she's young.

79

: 00:03:01

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

80

: 00:03:01

She's your age.

81

: 00:03:03

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Is she?

82

: 00:03:03

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I feel very old.

83

: 00:03:05

My birthday is on Monday

and I feel very old.

84

: 00:03:07

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

You're not that much

85

: 00:03:08

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Yeah, but it feels old.

86

: 00:03:10

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

No, I know what you mean.

87

: 00:03:11

I've been feeling ancient lately.

88

: 00:03:13

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: The

age of 47 is kind of mystical in

89

: 00:03:15

my family because several family

members have died at that age.

90

: 00:03:19

And my mom was convinced

that she was gonna die at 47.

91

: 00:03:22

She died at 69 and like two

weeks before she turned 70.

92

: 00:03:25

So she made it way past 47.

93

: 00:03:27

but I'm turning 47 on Monday

and it kind of scares me.

94

: 00:03:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Well, and your mom was rocking

95

: 00:03:32

a lifestyle that you don't,

96

: 00:03:33

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: yeah,

97

: 00:03:35

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: there

was some unhealthy habits in

98

: 00:03:36

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: but she wasn't

a diabetic and I am, and that's a big one.

99

: 00:03:39

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Yeah, and, and there's no.

100

: 00:03:42

no like, accurate way to measure

up what actually lends itself

101

: 00:03:46

to longer life in the moment.

102

: 00:03:48

Centuries later, they'll, they'll

do some longitudinal study on, on

103

: 00:03:52

what it actually took, and they'll,

hindsight will be what it takes.

104

: 00:03:55

But now it's really not, I don't wanna

say unhealthy because I think people all

105

: 00:04:00

have all kinds of reasons for thinking

this way, but maybe not the best use

106

: 00:04:04

of our time all the time to try to be

guessing how many years we've got left.

107

: 00:04:08

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Yeah, my dad bought a new truck

108

: 00:04:09

like a month before he died.

109

: 00:04:11

He with a lease on it.

110

: 00:04:12

So he was planning on living a long life

111

: 00:04:14

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: my uncle

Jerry did the exact same thing.

112

: 00:04:16

His, his brother Jimmy had passed

not long before this, and he had.

113

: 00:04:22

just like, you know, your mom had.

114

: 00:04:24

And that kind of come for him.

115

: 00:04:25

And he tried to sober, up in

the last there, and he did

116

: 00:04:28

his chemotherapy and stuff.

117

: 00:04:29

And his

118

: 00:04:29

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I.

119

: 00:04:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: my uncle

Jerry was like, that's fucking stupid.

120

: 00:04:33

I, if I, if they told me that I would

just sit on the front porch and drink

121

: 00:04:36

and smoke until I died, is what he did.

122

: 00:04:39

but he had just bought a truck too.

123

: 00:04:41

And so that was something.

124

: 00:04:42

And my mom still drives that

truck and she named it Jerry.

125

: 00:04:45

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: my dad's

girlfriend at the time was living

126

: 00:04:46

in my mom's house and she arranged

for the truck to get returned.

127

: 00:04:49

I don't know what went down with that.

128

: 00:04:51

it took me six months to get her out of

the house and get her out of the affairs

129

: 00:04:54

until I was able to take stuff over.

130

: 00:04:56

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Some people, man,

131

: 00:04:57

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: yeah,

132

: 00:04:58

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I mean, okay,

on the one hand maybe they, maybe she

133

: 00:05:00

loved him and maybe that was real.

134

: 00:05:02

But also just stay in your

135

: 00:05:04

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: yeah, yeah.

136

: 00:05:04

When I went in to see him in the

hospital, um, after he'd had his

137

: 00:05:07

stroke, I just wanted to hold

his hand and talk to him, and she

138

: 00:05:10

wouldn't leave us alone in the room.

139

: 00:05:11

And she was doing stuff like

playing Christian music.

140

: 00:05:13

He would have died listening to Christian.

141

: 00:05:15

He was country music through and through.

142

: 00:05:17

That's all he listened to.

143

: 00:05:19

And he would've been so annoyed with

the Christian rock that she was playing.

144

: 00:05:22

He would've hated it.

145

: 00:05:23

She didn't even know him

well enough to know that.

146

: 00:05:25

So how could she really love him?

147

: 00:05:31

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I

recently watched, the fourth

148

: 00:05:33

season of True Detective.

149

: 00:05:34

I know you're not much of a TV person,

but like now that I have while I'm

150

: 00:05:37

not blacking out every day, and

my brain is clearing a little bit.

151

: 00:05:41

I've been watching movies and

TV and stuff and, I loved it.

152

: 00:05:43

highly recommend, like totally

redeemed seasons two and three,

153

: 00:05:47

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Which platform is it on?

154

: 00:05:48

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

It's on, uh, max,

155

: 00:05:49

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: the,

156

: 00:05:50

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: they call

157

: 00:05:50

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

that's the one I don't have.

158

: 00:05:52

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Um,

159

: 00:05:53

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I have, okay.

160

: 00:05:55

I have, I have Paramount, I have

Peacock, I have Netflix, I have Hulu.

161

: 00:06:00

I don't have Max.

162

: 00:06:01

That's the one I don't have.

163

: 00:06:02

Yeah.

164

: 00:06:02

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I'm, I'm in a,

sort of a poly lifestyle with streaming

165

: 00:06:06

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Understood.

166

: 00:06:07

Understood.

167

: 00:06:07

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: But

I've been going for a lot of

168

: 00:06:09

walks too, and I, remember.

169

: 00:06:11

Well first, so today we're recording

on August 27th, listeners, and that is

170

: 00:06:16

the day that my brother was killed, um,

171

: 00:06:18

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: know.

172

: 00:06:18

I'm so sorry.

173

: 00:06:20

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I, that's

why I wanted to record I chose today.

174

: 00:06:22

because I'm always alone.

175

: 00:06:24

It's because it's, I have lived

alone for the past 10 years, since

176

: 00:06:29

I left grad school, and it's always

at the beginning of the semester,

177

: 00:06:32

so I can't take time or anything.

178

: 00:06:34

it always does kind of fuck me up

mentally and emotionally as well.

179

: 00:06:37

And this year it just happened

to be a little bit of an extreme

180

: 00:06:40

dollop of that already going on.

181

: 00:06:41

So this is the first year probably the

17 years since he died, that I have

182

: 00:06:47

been able to choose how to spend my day.

183

: 00:06:49

so I've been watching some Star Trek,

And I've also been trying to spend

184

: 00:06:52

some more time outside, but it's

starting to get dark here earlier.

185

: 00:06:55

And I realized I had

never gone for a walk.

186

: 00:06:57

In the dark yet since I got here,

. When I lived in Richmond and when I

187

: 00:06:59

lived in Carbondale, I would always

walk around really late at night.

188

: 00:07:02

I would go home.

189

: 00:07:02

I wouldn't even start walking until

like eight and I would walk until 11.

190

: 00:07:05

Sometimes.

191

: 00:07:06

I had just gotten sober.

192

: 00:07:07

So I was like, what the

fuck do I do with my time?

193

: 00:07:09

And you'd see weird shit doing that.

194

: 00:07:11

This one time I was walking around

in Richmond and the, I had my earbuds

195

: 00:07:16

in, I saw the corner of my eye, the

flashing lights, the blue lights.

196

: 00:07:19

And I was like, okay, what's going on?

197

: 00:07:21

And I went to take my earbuds out

'cause I, and they pulled up like

198

: 00:07:24

they screeched up next to me.

199

: 00:07:26

and I was like, oh, okay.

200

: 00:07:27

And I went to take them out and

she jumped outta the car and put

201

: 00:07:30

her hand on her gun and said, put

your hands where I can see 'em.

202

: 00:07:33

like, holy shit.

203

: 00:07:34

And so I was like, I can't hear

what you are saying though.

204

: 00:07:38

if you want to communicate with me, these

things have gotta come outta my ears.

205

: 00:07:41

And so she comes up and

like, pats me down and stuff.

206

: 00:07:44

And then she lets me take the, earbuds

out and then she starts asking me really

207

: 00:07:48

aggressively about why I'm out walking.

208

: 00:07:50

and um, just such a fuck.

209

: 00:07:51

I'm an idiot and an asshole

and that's a bad combo.

210

: 00:07:55

have done this if I had

known what she suspected me

211

: 00:07:57

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: You are

neither of those things, by the way.

212

: 00:07:59

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: well,

when presented with authority,

213

: 00:08:01

sometimes I turn into my mother.

214

: 00:08:03

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Understood.

215

: 00:08:03

Under.

216

: 00:08:04

Understood.

217

: 00:08:06

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: So, and then

by this point, like two more cars have

218

: 00:08:09

come up and they box me in and these

guys are getting out and flanking me.

219

: 00:08:13

And I was like, something is very wrong.

220

: 00:08:14

I started to get sweaty and shaky.

221

: 00:08:16

And she goes, she goes like,

what are you, what are you doing?

222

: 00:08:18

And I was like, I'm walking.

223

: 00:08:20

And she goes, do you always

go out walking late at night?

224

: 00:08:22

And I was like, it sound really bad.

225

: 00:08:25

And she was like, uh, which

direction did you come from?

226

: 00:08:27

And so I pointed down whereby I lived,

I had just walked outta my house And she

227

: 00:08:31

was like, have you seen anything strange?

228

: 00:08:34

And I was like, now that you mention

it, a really, let's say animated

229

: 00:08:38

looking fellow walked past me.

230

: 00:08:40

He was blasting music really loud

from a speaker, strapped on his

231

: 00:08:44

back and he looked like Encino man.

232

: 00:08:46

have you seen

233

: 00:08:46

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Yeah, many times.

234

: 00:08:48

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: when Brenda

235

: 00:08:49

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

236

: 00:08:49

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: up?

237

: 00:08:50

That's.

238

: 00:08:51

Like half dressed.

239

: 00:08:52

He had all of his, it looked

like, all like all of his clothes.

240

: 00:08:55

Anyway, on his back, he looked like

he was leaving somewhere she was

241

: 00:08:59

like, okay, which way did he go?

242

: 00:09:00

And I was like, he went down that way

and the two cops were with her peel

243

: 00:09:03

off and she was like, I feel like I

should explain what just happened.

244

: 00:09:05

I was like, please fucking do.

245

: 00:09:08

And she said someone called in a shooting

and gave us your physical description.

246

: 00:09:12

apparently I had walked right past

it had my earbuds in and didn't

247

: 00:09:16

know the fucking shooting was going

248

: 00:09:19

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Good Lord.

249

: 00:09:20

This is why you don't wear

your earbuds at night.

250

: 00:09:24

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: know that

now so, I guess somebody saw it and

251

: 00:09:28

I'm walking away, all calm and collected

and they reported me as the shooter.

252

: 00:09:33

But Thank God she was paying attention

because them other guys, they

253

: 00:09:36

were on alert because they thought

that I was armed and dangerous.

254

: 00:09:39

And I was acting weird because

they were acting weird.

255

: 00:09:42

And it made me weirder

256

: 00:09:49

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: you

asked if I had seen Encino.

257

: 00:09:50

Man, I am very up to date

on my poly shore movies.

258

: 00:09:54

I have seen Biodome many times.

259

: 00:09:57

Yeah.

260

: 00:09:58

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I love

261

: 00:09:58

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: seen son-in-law,

262

: 00:09:59

, dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

In the Army now might be my

263

: 00:10:01

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: right?

264

: 00:10:02

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: poly

Shore movie and I have no idea.

265

: 00:10:03

I maybe it was just, I think everyone

for, I think for everyone, they

266

: 00:10:07

experienced poly shore at a moment in

267

: 00:10:09

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

268

: 00:10:09

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

and in the Army now it was

269

: 00:10:11

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

270

: 00:10:11

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: also, Lori

Petty is in that movie, so smoking

271

: 00:10:14

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

272

: 00:10:14

She's in a league of their own too.

273

: 00:10:16

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

She's in League of their own.

274

: 00:10:17

She's in, think her career

started with Point Break.

275

: 00:10:20

Do you know the story of Lori Petty's

276

: 00:10:23

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: no,

277

: 00:10:23

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

have you seen Point

278

: 00:10:24

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: no.

279

: 00:10:24

But I know it's a surfer movie

with, uh, Patrick Swayze.

280

: 00:10:27

Right.

281

: 00:10:27

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Yep.

282

: 00:10:27

He's a, he plays a surfer in it.

283

: 00:10:29

And, Keanu Reeves plays an FBI agent,

I think, or a TFI don't remember what,

284

: 00:10:34

but some, something, some, agency.

285

: 00:10:36

And he's infiltrating this surfer gang

that they suspect are, robbing banks and

286

: 00:10:41

Lori Petty plays, Keanu's love interest.

287

: 00:10:44

And they're, they're so good together.

288

: 00:10:45

They have such great chemistry.

289

: 00:10:47

But, Katherine Bigelow is the

person who, directed, I don't know

290

: 00:10:50

if she wrote, and they were screen

testing actresses to play this role.

291

: 00:10:54

And everybody hated Lori Petty,

except for Katherine Bigelow.

292

: 00:10:57

And she was like, I, I know this

is what I picture her saying.

293

: 00:11:00

Anyway.

294

: 00:11:00

She's like, I know it's the nineties and

we're all like really into our misogyny

295

: 00:11:04

and our Cindy Crawfords and stuff needing

to be on screen, but this is what we call

296

: 00:11:07

acting, this is what we call chemistry.

297

: 00:11:09

and they're also the kind of odd

pairing that you would see in real life.

298

: 00:11:12

Like two kind of unconventionally,

but still attractive

299

: 00:11:15

people who find each other.

300

: 00:11:17

my God, there was a fucking

remake of point break.

301

: 00:11:20

Oh, please tell me.

302

: 00:11:21

This is not the inferior

Chris . No, it's not.

303

: 00:11:23

I don't know who these

people are actually.

304

: 00:11:25

This might be an

international film anyway.

305

: 00:11:27

Point break in 91 is the good one.

306

: 00:11:29

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah,

307

: 00:11:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

love Katherine Bigelow.

308

: 00:11:31

Do you know who she was married to?

309

: 00:11:33

Quentin Fucking

310

: 00:11:34

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: no way.

311

: 00:11:35

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: The best thing

Quentin Tarantino ever did for this

312

: 00:11:37

world was give us Catherine Bigelow.

313

: 00:11:40

It's not entirely true.

314

: 00:11:41

He used to be able to

turn out a good film.

315

: 00:11:43

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I've never

been able to sit through one all the

316

: 00:11:45

way through, so I couldn't tell you.

317

: 00:11:47

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: You

gotta go way back to find one that

318

: 00:11:50

I remember where he started to

lose me was at glorious bastards.

319

: 00:11:53

I was, I actually sat through, it

must've been 98% of that movie,

320

: 00:11:57

and it got to what I think was

the end scene in a normal film.

321

: 00:12:01

This would've been something like the

denouement And it was so drawn out

322

: 00:12:05

and, um, this character is bloviating

in a bar, and it's like, you can

323

: 00:12:10

hear Quentin Tarantino speaking

through this character's dialogue.

324

: 00:12:14

And I just, I remember I was just like,

oh my God, I can't fucking take this.

325

: 00:12:18

So I never did finish the movie.

326

: 00:12:19

There's probably five minutes of

that movie left that I didn't see.

327

: 00:12:22

I was like, what?

328

: 00:12:23

I can't do this.

329

: 00:12:24

And why, why am I doing this?

330

: 00:12:26

This isn't important cinema.

331

: 00:12:27

I don't need Quentin Tarantino to

explain to me that the Nazis were bad.

332

: 00:12:30

Maybe some folks today

could use a little refresher

333

: 00:12:33

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Right.

334

: 00:12:38

What's the worst movie you've ever seen?

335

: 00:12:40

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Ooh, battlefield

336

: 00:12:42

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Oh, yeah,

337

: 00:12:42

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Yes.

338

: 00:12:43

Do you know this movie?

339

: 00:12:44

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

I've not seen it.

340

: 00:12:44

No.

341

: 00:12:44

I've heard of it, but I've not seen it.

342

: 00:12:46

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

it's just, um, propaganda.

343

: 00:12:48

there's a lot of movies out there that

are religious propaganda or whatever,

344

: 00:12:52

you know, this one is the story of

weirdo alien thing that they have.

345

: 00:12:57

it could have been actually a

really fun story, but it was

346

: 00:13:00

poorly made and it was kind of a,

I don't know how to describe it.

347

: 00:13:04

every single frame of the

film is at a Dutch angle.

348

: 00:13:06

Ryan Murphy is really fond of these in

American horror stories, especially the

349

: 00:13:10

early seasons of American Horror Story.

350

: 00:13:11

But I think he uses

them fairly judiciously.

351

: 00:13:13

It's where the screen is on a

tilt like this, and it signifies.

352

: 00:13:18

Something's askew, something's off.

353

: 00:13:20

We're we're where there's danger afoot.

354

: 00:13:22

And so every single frame of

Battlefield Earth does this,

355

: 00:13:24

but it flip flops like this.

356

: 00:13:26

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Ah.

357

: 00:13:26

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I recommend

watching this movie, but it is terrible.

358

: 00:13:29

It's objectively terrible.

359

: 00:13:30

And John Travolta plays

this alien, zou person.

360

: 00:13:33

Eric and I watched this movie together.

361

: 00:13:35

And have you ever laughed so hard?

362

: 00:13:37

You almost died.

363

: 00:13:38

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Yes, but not at a movie.

364

: 00:13:40

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: only

happened to me a couple times.

365

: 00:13:42

and this is the only one I can actually

pinpoint, but I did, I laughed so hard

366

: 00:13:46

that my lungs would no longer actually

draw air, and my heart it stopped.

367

: 00:13:53

I had to roll out of the recliner

and lie face down in the floor

368

: 00:14:00

There's it, and I'm not the only

one who's, who's felt that way about

369

: 00:14:03

it because this clip is on YouTube.

370

: 00:14:05

So go look it up and listeners

go Look up this clip.

371

: 00:14:08

Just look up Battlefield Earth.

372

: 00:14:09

Do you want lunch?

373

: 00:14:11

And you will know exactly what I mean.

374

: 00:14:13

It's, it's a torture scene with

John Travolta's character the people

375

: 00:14:17

who represent the Scientologists

human slaves or whatever.

376

: 00:14:21

he's got one of them and he's trying to

torture them he's threatening the guy

377

: 00:14:25

with feeding him a dead rat of some kind.

378

: 00:14:28

but it's on a Dutch angle.

379

: 00:14:29

He's leaning over him in this like

dentist chair and the dude he's

380

: 00:14:33

in like, s and m gear and Travolta

is overacting in this whole thing.

381

: 00:14:37

He's, it's just camp is all get

out and he holds up a rubber.

382

: 00:14:40

Really shitty looking.

383

: 00:14:42

rat and he delivers a line.

384

: 00:14:44

I can't do it.

385

: 00:14:44

It's something like, he go,

he goes, do you want lunch?

386

: 00:14:50

It's supposed to be scary,

but we were not ready.

387

: 00:14:56

And so we both, and we, we

laughed harder and harder at how

388

: 00:14:59

hard the other one was laughing.

389

: 00:15:02

I was actually scared I

wasn't gonna survive that.

390

: 00:15:10

You name yours like your worst movie

391

: 00:15:12

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

big John Malkovich.

392

: 00:15:15

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Such a strong opinion.

393

: 00:15:17

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I was so

angry when I got done watching that

394

: 00:15:20

movie that I had wasted an hour and 45

minutes of my life watching that drl,

395

: 00:15:24

that I am still pissed about it to this.

396

: 00:15:26

It's been like 20 years

since I watched that movie,

397

: 00:15:29

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Yeah.

398

: 00:15:29

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: and I'm

still pissed about it to this day.

399

: 00:15:31

It was so bad.

400

: 00:15:32

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Movie's a real moment in time.

401

: 00:15:35

I still don't feel like

I understand what was

402

: 00:15:38

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah,

403

: 00:15:39

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: and I

can't say that I enjoyed any of it.

404

: 00:15:42

will say that I appreciate,

its its technique, its craft.

405

: 00:15:45

as a form of, technical cinema, There's

a lot of, skill displayed in, in like

406

: 00:15:51

its production, but the story, I don't

know what it's trying to tell me.

407

: 00:15:55

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: it was stupid.

408

: 00:15:56

It was very stupid.

409

: 00:15:57

It makes me mad.

410

: 00:15:58

It was so stupid.

411

: 00:15:59

I like, don't like John Malkovich

anymore because of that movie.

412

: 00:16:02

Like I have an internal bias against him.

413

: 00:16:04

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: That's

414

: 00:16:04

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

415

: 00:16:05

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Yeah, man.

416

: 00:16:05

A, a, a bad enough experience

can sour you on a, on an actor?

417

: 00:16:09

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Like Alan

Cummings, I don't like him because of

418

: 00:16:11

the movie Circle of Friends, which is

probably one of his very first movies.

419

: 00:16:15

He plays a rapy kind of creep.

420

: 00:16:16

mini driver and, Chris, the

guy that played ba uh, Robin,

421

: 00:16:21

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Chris

422

: 00:16:21

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yes.

423

: 00:16:22

they're,

424

: 00:16:23

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: o

425

: 00:16:23

I remember a movie that the

first time I experienced a

426

: 00:16:26

movie that I couldn't handle.

427

: 00:16:28

I'm just, I'm a very sensitive boy.

428

: 00:16:30

I cry at movies and I always

have for a while there, we rented

429

: 00:16:35

movies a lot, all the time.

430

: 00:16:37

they rented a movie, dead Man

Walkin, with Susan Sarandon.

431

: 00:16:41

And, . Penn is in this movie,

and I couldn't, I had to

432

: 00:16:46

leave up in the opening.

433

: 00:16:48

Maybe 10 minutes.

434

: 00:16:49

It was too intense and sad and

I was crying so hard I couldn't

435

: 00:16:53

see, and I was trying to hide it.

436

: 00:16:54

I've always been really embarrassed

about the fact that I cry at movies too.

437

: 00:16:57

And so I was sitting back in

the kitchen part of the trailer,

438

: 00:17:00

watching over the couch trying to

hide the fact that I was crying.

439

: 00:17:02

Finally, I was like, I

keep fucking do this.

440

: 00:17:03

I have to leave, and I have

hated Sean Penn ever since then.

441

: 00:17:10

Haven't, haven't enjoyed

watching him or watched him in

442

: 00:17:12

anything on purpose since then.

443

: 00:17:14

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: It is so

funny how your mind will do that.

444

: 00:17:16

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Yeah, they're like, mines.

445

: 00:17:17

They got no business being as powerful

as they are because they are just stupid

446

: 00:17:21

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah, agreed.

447

: 00:17:22

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: well, let's give

this wheel, what have you, a spin and see

448

: 00:17:30

Oh, no.

449

: 00:17:32

Landed on an inebriation.

450

: 00:17:35

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Inebriation.

451

: 00:17:36

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Lord, isn't

this appropriate to, the day David died?

452

: 00:17:41

that started.

453

: 00:17:41

I'm not gonna say early.

454

: 00:17:42

There are people who had started

their journeys with substances

455

: 00:17:45

way earlier than we did.

456

: 00:17:47

We started in our early teens.

457

: 00:17:49

but looking back, it's still a red flag.

458

: 00:17:51

I think.

459

: 00:17:52

I think our generation was kind of

like that with substances though.

460

: 00:17:54

Like we were, we down to get up to stuff.

461

: 00:17:57

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah, I

know there were people smoking weed

462

: 00:17:59

as early as eighth grade in my class.

463

: 00:18:00

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Yeah.

464

: 00:18:01

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

465

: 00:18:02

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: dude in my, my

eighth grade class, he was in my grade.

466

: 00:18:06

would open his social studies book

and there would be a half smoked joint

467

: 00:18:09

in there and it would just smell, the

whole class would smell up like resin.

468

: 00:18:13

When he opened it

469

: 00:18:14

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Wow.

470

: 00:18:14

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: he

would deal out of the bathroom.

471

: 00:18:16

I think he's a fucking cough now.

472

: 00:18:17

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Of course.

473

: 00:18:19

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I know.

474

: 00:18:19

I was thinking about that recently too.

475

: 00:18:21

Like all people who all became cops,

uh, that I went to school with,

476

: 00:18:24

were the, were the shitty kids.

477

: 00:18:26

They were the kids that were,

and they still are shitty

478

: 00:18:28

because they keep getting caught.

479

: 00:18:30

This makes the papers and everything.

480

: 00:18:31

They're, they're selling drugs

and they're pimping girls

481

: 00:18:34

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah, the, the

guys that became cops from my school ended

482

: 00:18:37

up becoming prison guards, which, which

is its own unique kind of cop, you know?

483

: 00:18:42

I think you have to be a very

special person to be a prison guard.

484

: 00:18:45

like one guy he got, he got, a bunch

of guys in trouble when we were in

485

: 00:18:48

high school because they pissed in

his water bottle bottle in gym class.

486

: 00:18:52

And he took a drink of it and like

five people got suspended over that.

487

: 00:18:55

and now he's a prison guard.

488

: 00:18:57

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Uh, David got suspended.

489

: 00:18:59

I don't even remember why, but they

made a website uh, which thinking

490

: 00:19:04

back, that's actually pretty

impressive in this would've been 94.

491

: 00:19:08

he and a friend made a website

that was just kind of making

492

: 00:19:13

fun of the other kids in school.

493

: 00:19:15

It would make lists of like, you

know, suck up or, I don't know,

494

: 00:19:19

they were more offensive ones.

495

: 00:19:20

I'm sure there was something about like

sluts or something on it, like just

496

: 00:19:24

categorizing or making fun of kids.

497

: 00:19:25

And it was a satire, it was act, it

actually grew into a newspaper, a full on.

498

: 00:19:30

They would print it out and put it

in the lockers of the kids at school,

499

: 00:19:33

and this is what got them caught.

500

: 00:19:35

so thinking back, I'm like, that

was actually really creative

501

: 00:19:37

and demonstrating, some pretty

specific skills for kids who

502

: 00:19:40

weren't taught that kind of thing.

503

: 00:19:42

but yeah, they were suspended.

504

: 00:19:43

Well, he got suspended for it.

505

: 00:19:44

His friend did not get suspended for it.

506

: 00:19:45

His friend was in the, 13 year club.

507

: 00:19:47

They never got in trouble.

508

: 00:19:49

The 13 year club kids,

509

: 00:19:50

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

what does that mean?

510

: 00:19:51

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: this was a pre-K

through 12 school we transferred into it.

511

: 00:19:55

So we were

512

: 00:19:56

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I see.

513

: 00:19:57

I was, I was an outsider as well.

514

: 00:19:59

Yeah.

515

: 00:20:00

Yep.

516

: 00:20:00

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

So I wasn't bull.

517

: 00:20:02

I mean, they weren't nice to

us, but they don't know what

518

: 00:20:04

I was dealing with at Jellico.

519

: 00:20:06

they were like fluffy, soft little

kittens when they would try to be mean

520

: 00:20:09

to me, And they would call me stuff

that actually was kind of badass, right?

521

: 00:20:12

They would call me like a devil

worshiper or a demon And I was like,

522

: 00:20:15

that's, I don't mind that at all.

523

: 00:20:17

They were not very good at being bullies.

524

: 00:20:20

They were no boy titties,

525

: 00:20:22

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Right.

526

: 00:20:22

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: And I was like,

need to study at the feet of the folks.

527

: 00:20:26

I just moved here from.

528

: 00:20:28

They, it wasn't even worth writing angsty

poetry about, I just went on with my life.

529

: 00:20:32

But if you ever got into something with

a popular kid, you were in serious shit.

530

: 00:20:37

You were gonna take all of the, or

with, I say popular, there were 13

531

: 00:20:41

year club people that were not popular.

532

: 00:20:42

And I'm sure that they weren't

immune as well, but they was this

533

: 00:20:45

like core cohort of 13 year kids.

534

: 00:20:49

Like their last names were on

certain buildings and shit.

535

: 00:20:52

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah,

536

: 00:20:53

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: So we'd go out

partying with them and we would always

537

: 00:20:55

go to the places, to their houses.

538

: 00:20:58

'cause they kind of knew this too.

539

: 00:20:59

And they knew that they were above

the law and their parents, they

540

: 00:21:02

always owned cabins and stuff out

on the mountains or in the hollers.

541

: 00:21:05

And so that's where the parties would be.

542

: 00:21:07

And we knew that we

were untouchable there.

543

: 00:21:08

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah, I did

get invited to the cool kid stuff.

544

: 00:21:11

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I

technically was invited because

545

: 00:21:13

my brother became a cool kid.

546

: 00:21:15

He was so goddamn charismatic and

gregarious that he became one of

547

: 00:21:21

the, the princes of that fucking

school shortly after we moved there.

548

: 00:21:26

After we transferred there

and he stayed a popular kid.

549

: 00:21:29

And I think being a popular kid was

one of the things that fucked him up.

550

: 00:21:33

' cause he wasn't any different than me.

551

: 00:21:34

None of us had the skills to be popular.

552

: 00:21:36

None of us had the skills to have friends.

553

: 00:21:38

And so he, he transfers somewhere

and he happens to be six foot three

554

: 00:21:41

in the eighth grade and gorgeous.

555

: 00:21:43

And he becomes a God.

556

: 00:21:44

They fucking worshiped him,

557

: 00:21:50

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: my brother and

sister both dropped outta high school, and

558

: 00:21:52

I was the only one that, like my sister

was smart and got good grades, but she

559

: 00:21:56

didn't care and ended up dropping out

to get married and, she ended up going

560

: 00:21:59

to college and got a, a two year degree.

561

: 00:22:01

but I was the only one

that finished school.

562

: 00:22:04

I was the only one that

cared about my grades.

563

: 00:22:05

I got kicked out of

National Honors Society.

564

: 00:22:07

I'm still more proud of

that than getting into it.

565

: 00:22:10

Um,

566

: 00:22:13

it took a lot more effort to get

kicked out than it did to, get included

567

: 00:22:17

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: You know,

I'm thinking about like the first

568

: 00:22:18

time I got drunk or the first time

I smoked pot or something like that.

569

: 00:22:23

And I, in high school

I was a very good kid.

570

: 00:22:26

I did not really get up

to shit in high school.

571

: 00:22:28

Only once or twice, I do something.

572

: 00:22:31

I mean, I was using substances, I

was doing that, but I was so careful

573

: 00:22:34

it was, it like barely counted.

574

: 00:22:35

And a lot of times I would do it just

so that I could keep an eye on David.

575

: 00:22:38

But I remember specifically like

really hating the sensation.

576

: 00:22:42

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Wow.

577

: 00:22:42

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Especially of weed.

578

: 00:22:43

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

579

: 00:22:44

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: but I

think the first time it might have

580

: 00:22:45

been like oregano or pocket lin or

581

: 00:22:46

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Right.

582

: 00:22:47

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

because me super sick.

583

: 00:22:49

I was at a basketball game with my parents

and I had to, I was just in the bathroom

584

: 00:22:53

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I was

also went to a ba, I was at a

585

: 00:22:54

basketball game and we left.

586

: 00:22:56

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Why did the

shit always go down at the basketball

587

: 00:22:59

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Well, so it was,

there was a dance after the basketball

588

: 00:23:02

game, so we snuck out in the fourth

quarter and went over to the high school

589

: 00:23:05

baseball field and we smoked a joint

and then we came back for the dance.

590

: 00:23:08

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Yeah,

there was always a dance after

591

: 00:23:10

the football games and the

592

: 00:23:11

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yep,

593

: 00:23:12

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: honestly,

teachers doing the Lord's work,

594

: 00:23:14

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: for real.

595

: 00:23:15

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: chaperones.

596

: 00:23:15

They just poured their hearts

into giving us experiences.

597

: 00:23:19

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: My high

school now has an AstroTurf football

598

: 00:23:21

field for the, for the team, so, yeah.

599

: 00:23:24

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

I don't know anything about

600

: 00:23:25

what my high school's up to.

601

: 00:23:26

Once in a while I'll, like, I'll look

people up on Facebook or something

602

: 00:23:29

that when I went to high school with,

I don't know why I haven't done it

603

: 00:23:32

in a long time, but I know that there

was a period in time there where the

604

: 00:23:35

substances got kind of bad At my high

school kids were drinking at school.

605

: 00:23:39

A lot of them were.

606

: 00:23:41

There was one kid who would wake up and

drink a fifth of vodka before coming to

607

: 00:23:44

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: That's what

my brother got kicked outta school for

608

: 00:23:46

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Yeah.

609

: 00:23:47

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: drunk at school.

610

: 00:23:47

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I drank

peach s snaps at school one day.

611

: 00:23:50

Um, and we got in pretty

serious trouble for it.

612

: 00:23:52

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: brother would

go out to his car at lunch and drink a

613

: 00:23:54

case of hot beer and go back into class.

614

: 00:23:57

Yeah,

615

: 00:23:57

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: ooh,

616

: 00:23:58

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: it was never,

he always did everything to extremes like

617

: 00:24:01

he would make baked spaghetti and put a

whole pound of cheese on top of it, or he

618

: 00:24:04

would order a pizza and get crust, double

sauce, double cheese, double pepperoni.

619

: 00:24:08

Like everything the boy did.

620

: 00:24:09

He did to excess.

621

: 00:24:11

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

that's that like, 'cause I, I,

622

: 00:24:13

my brother was the same way.

623

: 00:24:15

and you know, they say that

Hunter s Thompson was like that.

624

: 00:24:18

He would go into a restaurant

and order everything on the

625

: 00:24:20

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Oh wow.

626

: 00:24:21

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

but he didn't eat it.

627

: 00:24:23

didn't eat it all.

628

: 00:24:23

He, it all went to waste.

629

: 00:24:24

It was, he was performing

decadence in a way.

630

: 00:24:27

And I remember my David Warship,

hunter s Thompson, he actually, one

631

: 00:24:30

of the things I got back from Iraq.

632

: 00:24:33

his stuff was a collection of fear

and loathing on the campaign trail,

633

: 00:24:37

which is, the, him following George

McGovern on the, uh, 72 campaign

634

: 00:24:43

trail like that, the 72 election.

635

: 00:24:45

David really idolized Hunter s Thompson

I don't know, do you think rich kids,

636

: 00:24:50

fetishize, decadence the way poor kids do?

637

: 00:24:53

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

I don't think so.

638

: 00:24:54

because it's nothing to them to go

spend $15 every day at, at, Starbucks,

639

: 00:24:58

you know, or have the, the $40 Tumblr,

you know, it's nothing to drop money

640

: 00:25:03

on name brands and things like that.

641

: 00:25:05

My lecture today was about

cultural hegemony, and this is

642

: 00:25:08

just right in there with that.

643

: 00:25:09

Right.

644

: 00:25:10

the idea that there's in

groups and out groups, it's

645

: 00:25:12

funny that this would come up.

646

: 00:25:14

But yeah, the, I think rich kids

have a lot more, ' cause money is

647

: 00:25:17

the source of a lot of that, of the

being in the ed group and the out

648

: 00:25:20

group, especially in American culture.

649

: 00:25:22

cause you have to wear certain brands

and you have to have a certain phone

650

: 00:25:25

and you have to drive a certain

car and have the right laptop and,

651

: 00:25:28

you know, all of those things.

652

: 00:25:29

yeah.

653

: 00:25:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I think the, the

decadence thing, Thompson was performing

654

: 00:25:33

a, a thing that he wasn't necessarily,

actually, he was selling something.

655

: 00:25:36

He wasn't buying.

656

: 00:25:37

He w he would order every drink on the

menu, but only drink a few of them.

657

: 00:25:41

the kids who idolized that

didn't know that they were

658

: 00:25:44

actually imbibing everything.

659

: 00:25:46

And I watched people do this, like,

just, I'm going to get all the cocaine in

660

: 00:25:50

the world and do it all tonight because

that's something Patrick Bateman would do.

661

: 00:25:53

It's like you, there's something

wrong with who you're idolizing and

662

: 00:25:57

there's something wrong with how

you're choosing to perform that.

663

: 00:26:00

There were times when

inebriation was not evil, though.

664

: 00:26:03

I think that people with experiences

like ours are always tempted to

665

: 00:26:06

come down on the side of like,

inebriation is bad or these experiences

666

: 00:26:11

destined to go a certain way.

667

: 00:26:17

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: But then

I think of my wife who did, ketamine

668

: 00:26:20

therapy, you know what I mean?

669

: 00:26:21

She did it in a controlled, she

did it, every week for two years.

670

: 00:26:24

This is how long that her trial lasted.

671

: 00:26:26

and it really changed her from a

person that cried every single day to

672

: 00:26:31

a person that was happy and relaxed.

673

: 00:26:33

And she still has anxiety and

things like that, but it's not

674

: 00:26:36

anything like it used to be.

675

: 00:26:38

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: she was, she

was going through it there for, for years.

676

: 00:26:41

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: yeah.

677

: 00:26:42

Yeah,

678

: 00:26:42

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: that helped

679

: 00:26:42

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: yeah.

680

: 00:26:43

And so there's so many good

things that, but we have such a,

681

: 00:26:45

a fear and such a, I don't know,

what's the word I'm looking for?

682

: 00:26:49

Okay.

683

: 00:26:49

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

toxic relationship

684

: 00:26:51

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

That's exactly right.

685

: 00:26:52

Yeah, because it can do so much

good, but it can do so much damage

686

: 00:26:56

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: and,

and those are social issues.

687

: 00:26:58

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Addiction is

really rife when it comes to people in

688

: 00:27:00

poverty because they have nothing to lose.

689

: 00:27:02

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: And I,

'cause I remember working as a server

690

: 00:27:06

in high school and I was a closer

and, I would, have to get home at

691

: 00:27:10

11:00 PM and then get up at five.

692

: 00:27:13

And when you're 16 you

can do that for a while.

693

: 00:27:16

But I was tired.

694

: 00:27:17

And at the Pizza Hut, I

worked at other servers.

695

: 00:27:20

They were taken, was it Ativan?

696

: 00:27:23

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Probably

Ativan, calms you down, makes

697

: 00:27:25

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: no.

698

: 00:27:26

Well, yes, but it was like

the, the weight loss version.

699

: 00:27:29

So it was like, it

700

: 00:27:30

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: A.

701

: 00:27:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

basically Aex, right?

702

: 00:27:32

Yeah.

703

: 00:27:33

they were taking that stuff and they

were like, yeah, it keeps me awake.

704

: 00:27:36

And so I did do that some, but

it again, it made me so sick.

705

: 00:27:39

I, I didn't do it again.

706

: 00:27:41

' cause I was.

707

: 00:27:42

Kind of like experiencing not to make

light of something that kills people.

708

: 00:27:45

But I have overdosed several times and

there have been times when it did involve

709

: 00:27:51

taking a substance for the first time.

710

: 00:27:52

'cause I didn't know how much to take

happened the first time I took Xanax too.

711

: 00:27:55

Oh my god.

712

: 00:27:56

people are gonna listen to this.

713

: 00:27:57

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Hey, we've lived lives.

714

: 00:27:59

You know what I mean?

715

: 00:28:00

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: We,

716

: 00:28:00

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: tried Aex.

717

: 00:28:01

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: citizen.

718

: 00:28:02

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Aex because when

I was 16, my mom sent me to a doctor that

719

: 00:28:06

turned out to be a pill mill doctor, and

720

: 00:28:08

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I've been

721

: 00:28:08

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: they, they

put me on Aex of Finfin, they put me

722

: 00:28:11

on Finfin, so that I would lose weight.

723

: 00:28:13

And so here I was 16 popping speed.

724

: 00:28:16

I cleaned my mom's trailer from top to Bo.

725

: 00:28:18

I literally took a toothbrush

to the sink, like I remember.

726

: 00:28:22

Yeah, I had so much energy.

727

: 00:28:23

It was wild.

728

: 00:28:23

I lost weight for sure.

729

: 00:28:25

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I bet.

730

: 00:28:26

But at a, at a formative age,

731

: 00:28:28

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: yeah,

732

: 00:28:28

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: an

age where your brain's not

733

: 00:28:30

done cooking yet, that can

734

: 00:28:31

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: that

could have really fucked me up.

735

: 00:28:33

But luckily I was I was not taken in by

736

: 00:28:36

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: so,

737

: 00:28:37

and

738

: 00:28:37

I think I've mentioned

my, nonverbal period.

739

: 00:28:39

and my parents, they tried to get help,

but they wound up, but they didn't

740

: 00:28:43

have the kind of insurance that could

really afford, mental health care.

741

: 00:28:47

So they found this dude up in

Lexington who has since been, he's

742

: 00:28:52

no longer allowed to practice.

743

: 00:28:54

He

744

: 00:28:54

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Oh wow.

745

: 00:28:55

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: he was.

746

: 00:28:55

I, and he had, so it,

it, it was really weird.

747

: 00:28:58

He talked to me for 15 minutes and

he diagnosed me with schizophrenia.

748

: 00:29:01

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: wow.

749

: 00:29:02

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Which I do not have.

750

: 00:29:03

And,

751

: 00:29:04

nothing.

752

: 00:29:04

I said, because I've,

I've gone back and forth.

753

: 00:29:06

I was like, what did I say that

could have him that impression.

754

: 00:29:09

And so my parents didn't

know any better at the time.

755

: 00:29:11

They caught on pretty quick because

they were paying attention and they

756

: 00:29:13

listened to me and they were not idiots.

757

: 00:29:15

They just didn't know what

he was saying at first.

758

: 00:29:18

he put me on Risperidol, which is

an antipsychotic uh, if you take

759

: 00:29:22

an anti-psychotic and you are not

psychotic, it made me psychotic.

760

: 00:29:27

I was nuttier than squirrel shit for the

whole time I was taking that medication.

761

: 00:29:32

it was terrifying.

762

: 00:29:33

And I remember like talking to

my mom about it afterwards, I was

763

: 00:29:36

like, I don't think this is right.

764

: 00:29:37

Something's wrong.

765

: 00:29:38

We, this needs to stop.

766

: 00:29:39

And she was like, just

stop fucking taking it.

767

: 00:29:41

She didn't even call him, which

I, I don't think you should do.

768

: 00:29:43

I don't recommend just stopping

a, psychiatric medication.

769

: 00:29:46

Definitely work with your doctor.

770

: 00:29:47

But she was like, no, fuck him.

771

: 00:29:49

I can still remember the things

I saw and heard on that shit.

772

: 00:29:52

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: That's wild.

773

: 00:29:57

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Not a kind of

inebriation I would recommend to anybody.

774

: 00:30:01

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

first time you got drunk?

775

: 00:30:02

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: uh, I

guess there's a lot of different

776

: 00:30:04

shades of drunk, but the first time

I did get an inebriated on alcohol,

777

: 00:30:08

I think I was probably in the

eighth grade, eighth or ninth grade.

778

: 00:30:12

it was easy to get alcohol for

us because it was bootleggers

779

: 00:30:15

and so bootleggers don't card.

780

: 00:30:16

It was a dry county and I got

a 40 ounce of malt liquor.

781

: 00:30:21

It was blue.

782

: 00:30:22

I don't remember what the

stuff was, but it was like some

783

: 00:30:24

Hawaiian coconut flavored shit.

784

: 00:30:26

And I kept that for.

785

: 00:30:28

It was like weeks and I would

like pour out into the cap

786

: 00:30:31

and, and drink it that way.

787

: 00:30:32

And it was like a long time before I even

had enough for it to actually affect me.

788

: 00:30:36

But one day I did, and it scared me

because I stood up and I was dizzy

789

: 00:30:39

and I was like, oh God, I'm drunk.

790

: 00:30:41

And I immediately felt so guilty.

791

: 00:30:43

I felt like I was, this is during

my religious period, I felt like

792

: 00:30:46

I was going to hell immediately.

793

: 00:30:48

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Well,

'cause they tell you that you are,

794

: 00:30:49

that if you do any kind of sins,

they tell you some really fucked

795

: 00:30:52

up shit when it comes to all that.

796

: 00:30:53

That if you don't, if you sin, you're

gonna go be baptized at a lake of fire.

797

: 00:30:57

And that's really crazy

to tell little kids.

798

: 00:30:59

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: You

know, I didn't get that far

799

: 00:31:01

into actual organized religion.

800

: 00:31:03

by the time I started to get my,

because it was just OCD, I had

801

: 00:31:06

created my own vision of what was

gonna happen to me if I sinned.

802

: 00:31:11

it left the, it departed from Christianity

a long time ago because I wasn't actually

803

: 00:31:15

attending church, but I needed, I had a,

obsession with, I guess, karmic punishment

804

: 00:31:20

or something, because I felt bad.

805

: 00:31:22

I felt like I was doing evil all the time.

806

: 00:31:24

I was sinning because I knew I was not

a girl and I knew something was wrong,

807

: 00:31:28

and so I had to in invent a kind of

hell, but I don't, so I don't know what

808

: 00:31:32

the act, what they actually told people.

809

: 00:31:34

It all sounds so metal.

810

: 00:31:35

They'll be trying to scare you, and

they're like, it's a lake of fire.

811

: 00:31:37

And I'm like, oh, badass.

812

: 00:31:40

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Radical dude

813

: 00:31:42

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Oh man.

814

: 00:31:43

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: the.

815

: 00:31:43

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: what were the.

816

: 00:31:44

What were the, um, I don't

know what you would call those.

817

: 00:31:46

Did people say like Cowabunga

and shit when you were in

818

: 00:31:49

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Oh yeah.

819

: 00:31:50

Oh yeah.

820

: 00:31:50

I found a, a, when I was cleaning out

mom's house, I found the most random stuff

821

: 00:31:54

and I found, um, a, an autograph book that

it had questions in it, in the autographs.

822

: 00:31:59

I made my, my grandmother sign in

to my birthday party when I was 12,

823

: 00:32:03

which that was, you know, the good

adjunct in me being early trained.

824

: 00:32:06

but there was one of the

questions that asked me what was

825

: 00:32:08

my favorite song at the time.

826

: 00:32:10

You'll never guess

827

: 00:32:11

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: What was it?

828

: 00:32:12

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

doing the Bartman.

829

: 00:32:15

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Oh, see,

that's one of those media that passed

830

: 00:32:18

me by because I wasn't allowed to watch,

831

: 00:32:21

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: It's, it was

the Bart Simpson song doing the Bartman.

832

: 00:32:24

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I think

I have heard it since then, but

833

: 00:32:26

yeah, there's a lot of blind spots

in, in my pop culture knowledge

834

: 00:32:29

that I'm trying to fill in as I get

835

: 00:32:31

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

836

: 00:32:31

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Well,

man, we had been talking maybe it's

837

: 00:32:33

time to, to hear from our sponsor.

838

: 00:32:36

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Let's do it.

839

: 00:32:37

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: today's,

sponsor is the public library.

840

: 00:32:42

Sure.

841

: 00:32:42

Most everywhere has public libraries

for now at least, but not every region's

842

: 00:32:47

libraries have the punk rock origins

of Appalachias, the book, women Riding

843

: 00:32:50

Horses through Muds, snow and Mountains,

just to deliver stories to families who

844

: 00:32:55

might never have seen a book otherwise.

845

: 00:32:57

They brought possibility and

wonder in their satchels, but

846

: 00:32:59

they're a noun for another segment.

847

: 00:33:01

Someday.

848

: 00:33:02

Today's public libraries

carry on that same spirit.

849

: 00:33:05

The horses may be mostly gone, but the

mission's the same, bringing knowledge,

850

: 00:33:08

joy, and community straight to the people.

851

: 00:33:11

honey, it's not just dusty books anymore.

852

: 00:33:13

They've got free wifi streaming

services, job search help, 3D printers,

853

: 00:33:17

language learning apps, genealogy

resources, tax help, drag queen story

854

: 00:33:22

hours and lifesaving air conditioning.

855

: 00:33:24

In the dead of August, you'll see

neighbors swapping recipes in the

856

: 00:33:28

cookbook aisle, queer kids finding

stories that finally sound like them, and

857

: 00:33:31

somebody's papaw printing off directions

'cause he refuses to get a smartphone.

858

: 00:33:35

But a library is just a building

full of minutiae without the

859

: 00:33:39

dedicated service of the librarian.

860

: 00:33:41

If libraries are water and near the

horse, then libraries are the magic

861

: 00:33:45

that I've lost Track of this metaphor.

862

: 00:33:47

Just know that librarians

are modern day saints.

863

: 00:33:50

They'll help you print a resume, track

down your Memaw family records, find

864

: 00:33:54

the perfect queer romance novel, or

gently shush that one guy who's been

865

: 00:33:57

asleep in the armchair since 2005.

866

: 00:34:00

They're walking encyclopedias,

tech support, community organizers

867

: 00:34:04

and therapists rolled into one.

868

: 00:34:06

And they'll do it all with love and

a smile, and usually for a salary

869

: 00:34:09

more suited to Piggly wiggly bagger

than safeguard of civilization.

870

: 00:34:13

And all of this is FREE free, like

free hot dogs at the car dealership,

871

: 00:34:18

but with so much more dignity.

872

: 00:34:19

So whether you need to escape the

heat, print out divorce papers,

873

: 00:34:23

or just remember that you're part

of something bigger than yourself.

874

: 00:34:25

Get yourself to the public library

proudly sponsoring queer Next.

875

: 00:34:29

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

I love the library.

876

: 00:34:31

That's the best part of being in

academia is the access to the library.

877

: 00:34:35

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: And it's, it's

totally not weird to just hang out in the

878

: 00:34:38

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: No.

879

: 00:34:38

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: all the

880

: 00:34:39

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

881

: 00:34:39

It's my favorite place.

882

: 00:34:41

Like I could gush about

the library forever.

883

: 00:34:43

The local library in, uh, library

in Bowling Green, they have a

884

: 00:34:46

library of, of things and you can

get like a, a, a wifi hotspot.

885

: 00:34:51

you can get, uh, giant lawn games,

like giant checkers for your lawn.

886

: 00:34:55

You can get

887

: 00:34:56

pans.

888

: 00:34:57

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: oh,

889

: 00:34:57

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

890

: 00:34:58

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: in

Carbondale, there was one, uh, that

891

: 00:35:00

had, you could check out tools.

892

: 00:35:02

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

893

: 00:35:02

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: here they

have, they're doing a cool thing now

894

: 00:35:05

where you can check out a parking

permit for the national parks.

895

: 00:35:08

you, the way that they, sort of offset the

cost of the parks here in Minnesota is pay

896

: 00:35:12

for a parking pass to park for the day.

897

: 00:35:14

It's like $7.

898

: 00:35:16

people are not doing that

because sometimes $7 feels like

899

: 00:35:19

seven fucking dollars this.

900

: 00:35:22

I could get a, a Big Mac for

901

: 00:35:23

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Right.

902

: 00:35:24

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: So the

public library has some on retainer.

903

: 00:35:26

They'll buy a yearly one and

you can just check 'em out

904

: 00:35:29

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: That's awesome.

905

: 00:35:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I think

of public libraries as constantly

906

: 00:35:32

trying to come up with ways to

bring just essential resources.

907

: 00:35:36

The things that a free should have

access to and just what an incredible

908

: 00:35:43

service and, and bunch of people.

909

: 00:35:45

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: During COVID, my

library was giving out COVID tests even.

910

: 00:35:48

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Oh, hot

911

: 00:35:49

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

912

: 00:35:50

Like they just had a stack of them on

the wall, and you could go in and pick

913

: 00:35:52

one up if you needed a COVID test.

914

: 00:35:54

Amazing.

915

: 00:35:55

my gay Little Heart loves the library.

916

: 00:35:57

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Oh, you know

what, speaking of of books, we mentioned

917

: 00:36:00

Demon Copperhead and somebody on YouTube

said that they wanted us to, to talk

918

: 00:36:04

about it, and we chatted that both of

us have not read it since it came out.

919

: 00:36:08

we would have to reread it, but

wouldn't it be funny if we did like

920

: 00:36:10

a book club, like a queer next book

921

: 00:36:12

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

That would be fun.

922

: 00:36:15

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: and

that that could be our first book?

923

: 00:36:16

cause I, I would like to read it again.

924

: 00:36:17

I especially wanna pay attention to the,

response you're having to the ending.

925

: 00:36:21

And I also wanna know if

you experience it that way.

926

: 00:36:24

if you have a strong reaction

to a piece of media, it's

927

: 00:36:26

worth revisiting unless it's

928

: 00:36:29

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318:

Being John Malkovich,

929

: 00:36:30

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Or,

and, and unless it is a triggering

930

: 00:36:32

media, do not do that to yourself.

931

: 00:36:34

Just because Queernecks

said, I need to challenge

932

: 00:36:37

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: right?

933

: 00:36:38

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

protect your peace

934

: 00:36:39

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah.

935

: 00:36:45

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: It is sad to

think that public knowledge is so of

936

: 00:36:47

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: if

libraries were to be introduced to

937

: 00:36:49

society now, they would never fly

that, that would be a communist plot

938

: 00:36:53

and socialism and everything else.

939

: 00:36:55

they wouldn't be allowed to exist

if, if they were to come out today.

940

: 00:36:58

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I'm watching

the rhetoric so closely and, and

941

: 00:37:00

looking for the hints, the gestures

to what it's gonna spread out to next.

942

: 00:37:05

Because one day it'll be

libraries, it'll be public

943

: 00:37:07

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Right.

944

: 00:37:08

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: because

it's been the parks, it's been

945

: 00:37:11

the healthcare, the doctors.

946

: 00:37:13

It's been the universities and schools

947

: 00:37:15

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: It's crazy

to watch, but you know, they're not

948

: 00:37:17

really thinking when they start burning

books and every one of those books are

949

: 00:37:20

available by PDF download, you know,

950

: 00:37:24

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

tossed my Kindle on,

951

: 00:37:28

oh no, what am

952

: 00:37:31

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: not a book.

953

: 00:37:34

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I mean,

have a ton of them because I have been

954

: 00:37:38

collecting, but it wouldn't be weird

at all for somebody to be a reader but

955

: 00:37:42

not own hardly any actual paperback

956

: 00:37:44

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Yeah,

I know a lot of people like that.

957

: 00:37:46

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: books.

958

: 00:37:47

So how are they gonna burn a

959

: 00:37:48

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Right.

960

: 00:37:49

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: I was

reading an analysis of, of fascism

961

: 00:37:52

lately and somebody, and they were

pointing out, or it was earlier

962

: 00:37:54

today, they pointed out that.

963

: 00:37:55

there is no model for this because

a post internet, post scarcity,

964

: 00:38:00

post nuclear power fascist, develop,

whatever, you know, all those

965

: 00:38:04

things we haven't seen it before.

966

: 00:38:06

We're gonna be the first.

967

: 00:38:07

kind of like with us, what we started

out talking about, like trying to guess

968

: 00:38:10

how long we're gonna live it's very,

very good practice to learn from the

969

: 00:38:14

past and to study the past and to,

and to look for how things came about.

970

: 00:38:18

But it can be more of a descriptive

than a prescriptive because we could

971

: 00:38:22

get bogged down into for things that

might not ever actually materialize

972

: 00:38:27

and miss the thing that does happen.

973

: 00:38:28

So we need to stay in the present as

974

: 00:38:30

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Right.

975

: 00:38:31

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Even

if the present is horrifying.

976

: 00:38:37

Did you bring a noun of

977

: 00:38:38

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: I did, I did.

978

: 00:38:40

This is a good one.

979

: 00:38:40

This.

980

: 00:38:40

I always think they're a good one, right?

981

: 00:38:42

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318:

Well, they all are.

982

: 00:38:45

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: All right, well,

welcome back y'all to another round of

983

: 00:38:47

nouns of Appalachian interest, the part

of queer Next where we shine a porch

984

: 00:38:51

light on the people, places, and things

that make Appalachia well, Appalachia.

985

: 00:38:55

Now, today's noun isn't just

a noun, it's a marriage, a

986

: 00:38:58

covenant, a domestic partnership,

blessed by pork fat, and Jesus.

987

: 00:39:02

That's right.

988

: 00:39:02

We're talking about soup,

beans, and cornbread.

989

: 00:39:04

dash_3_08-27-2025_170318: Oh hell

990

: 00:39:05

beck_3_08-27-2025_180318: Let's

get, let's get this straight.

991

: 00:39:06

We're not talking about just any beans.

992

: 00:39:08

Do not, I repeat.

993

: 00:39:09

Do not walk in here with your black

beans, your garbanzos, or God forbid,

994

: 00:39:13

chickpeas, soup, beans, or pinto beans.

995

: 00:39:15

Slow cooked with a ham hock until They're

so tender they can qualify for disability.

996

: 00:39:19

They're the backbone of Appalachian food

pyramid, which if you're wondering, is

997

: 00:39:23

just a triangle drawn in bacon grease

with cast iron written on all three sides.

998

: 00:39:27

A cornbread.

999

: 00:39:28

Cornbread is the biscuit's hotter,

slightly trashy cousin, the one

: 1000

00:39:31,690 --> 00:39:34,690

who shows up at the church, potluck

with a plunging neckline, a jar

: 1001

00:39:34,690 --> 00:39:36,280

of hot honey and zero shame.

: 1002

00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,460

Cornbread is here to soak up the

soup, beans and the family gossip.

: 1003

00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:41,710

Soup, beans and cornbread

are more than food.

: 1004

00:39:41,740 --> 00:39:43,270

They're identity on a plate.

: 1005

00:39:43,270 --> 00:39:46,540

They're what you ate when money was

tight, when the weather got mean, or

: 1006

00:39:46,540 --> 00:39:49,300

when companies showed up uninvited

and you had to stretch dinner with

: 1007

00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:51,070

a prayer and some pig knuckle.

: 1008

00:39:51,070 --> 00:39:52,420

and let's review the etiquette.

: 1009

00:39:52,420 --> 00:39:54,460

First, you sop you do not scoop.

: 1010

00:39:54,460 --> 00:39:57,220

Number two, you eat with

a fork or your fingers.

: 1011

00:39:57,220 --> 00:39:58,390

Spoons are for Yankees.

: 1012

00:39:58,390 --> 00:40:02,350

And third, if somebody offers you a white

onion or to go with it, you say yes.

: 1013

00:40:02,350 --> 00:40:03,820

If you say no, you're dead to me.

: 1014

00:40:04,954 --> 00:40:06,874

So here's the soup, beans and cornbread.

: 1015

00:40:06,874 --> 00:40:09,724

Simple, soulful, and guaranteed

to stick to your ribs longer

: 1016

00:40:09,724 --> 00:40:10,834

than your last situation.

: 1017

00:40:10,834 --> 00:40:11,254

Ship.

: 1018

00:40:11,254 --> 00:40:13,414

-: 2025

of the all time great meals.

: 1019

00:40:13,669 --> 00:40:15,184

I, we ate that.

: 1020

00:40:15,214 --> 00:40:17,667

It was probably two meals a week growing

: 1021

00:40:17,697 --> 00:40:19,302

-: 2025

ever have it with, uh, kielbasa?

: 1022

00:40:19,362 --> 00:40:21,792

-: 2025

it with, like links or sausage of

: 1023

00:40:21,792 --> 00:40:25,272

various kinds, but I don't know if it

was like Polish sausage or what kind it

: 1024

00:40:25,272 --> 00:40:26,082

-: 2025

that's what that was.

: 1025

00:40:26,082 --> 00:40:28,722

Whenever we had soup, beans and

cornbread, we'd always make kasa

: 1026

00:40:28,722 --> 00:40:29,952

and, and sauerkraut with it.

: 1027

00:40:29,952 --> 00:40:32,742

-: 2025

would, name things, different things.

: 1028

00:40:32,742 --> 00:40:35,292

either if she thought we wouldn't

be able to wrap our heads around

: 1029

00:40:35,292 --> 00:40:39,219

what it was, Or if it sounded gross,

she would call it something else.

: 1030

00:40:39,219 --> 00:40:41,289

So she would feed us

salmon and call it chicken.

: 1031

00:40:42,642 --> 00:40:44,082

We knew it wasn't chicken,

: 1032

00:40:44,082 --> 00:40:44,862

-: 2025

It was river chicken.

: 1033

00:40:44,862 --> 00:40:45,582

-: 2025

: 1034

00:40:45,582 --> 00:40:45,942

Yeah.

: 1035

00:40:48,632 --> 00:40:52,481

And so she would make salmon patties,

but she called them chicken croquettes.

: 1036

00:40:54,752 --> 00:40:56,162

This here is Tube Chicken.

: 1037

00:41:03,466 --> 00:41:03,886

Man.

: 1038

00:41:03,946 --> 00:41:05,716

I mean, being a parent must be so weird.

: 1039

00:41:05,716 --> 00:41:08,146

My sister's doing it right now

and I don't know how she does.

: 1040

00:41:08,146 --> 00:41:12,431

Her kids are great, but I'm sure there's

still days when it's like, did I do this?

: 1041

00:41:12,566 --> 00:41:14,276

-: 2025

could never, all of my nieces

: 1042

00:41:14,276 --> 00:41:15,596

and nephews are all grown now.

: 1043

00:41:15,596 --> 00:41:19,196

The youngest one is 22 or

23, and the oldest one was

: 1044

00:41:19,196 --> 00:41:21,746

born in 93, so she's 32 now.

: 1045

00:41:21,746 --> 00:41:25,166

So there are, yeah, my

young, my oldest niece is 32.

: 1046

00:41:25,226 --> 00:41:26,096

That's wild.

: 1047

00:41:26,096 --> 00:41:27,716

-: 2025

my youngest cousin, is that

: 1048

00:41:27,821 --> 00:41:28,481

-: 2025

: 1049

00:41:28,481 --> 00:41:29,441

-: 2025

She was born when I was

: 1050

00:41:29,816 --> 00:41:30,296

-: 2025

: 1051

00:41:30,296 --> 00:41:31,916

I was 14 when Haley was born.

: 1052

00:41:31,916 --> 00:41:34,496

-: 2025

thinking about, well, today, there

: 1053

00:41:34,496 --> 00:41:36,626

was a, a tragedy at a school in

: 1054

00:41:36,956 --> 00:41:37,646

-: 2025

: 1055

00:41:37,939 --> 00:41:41,269

-: 2025

it's shameful and we just, we just hope

: 1056

00:41:41,269 --> 00:41:45,439

everybody who made it through gets help

and, and support and just fucked up.

: 1057

00:41:45,439 --> 00:41:46,339

You shouldn't have to live in shit

: 1058

00:41:46,459 --> 00:41:46,999

-: 2025

: 1059

00:41:46,999 --> 00:41:48,019

-: 2025

just shout out to the kids.

: 1060

00:41:48,019 --> 00:41:48,739

Going back to school.

: 1061

00:41:48,739 --> 00:41:53,539

Shout out to the teachers whose lives are

on hold for the next nine to 10 months.

: 1062

00:41:53,539 --> 00:41:54,409

Shout out to the parents.

: 1063

00:41:54,409 --> 00:41:55,009

Freaking out.

: 1064

00:41:55,009 --> 00:41:56,329

Shout out to the queer kids.

: 1065

00:41:56,329 --> 00:41:57,499

Stuffing it back, deep down.

: 1066

00:41:57,499 --> 00:42:00,957

Maybe to go back into the

fray for another year.

: 1067

00:42:01,137 --> 00:42:03,057

It'll be over soon and

you're gonna be great.

: 1068

00:42:03,057 --> 00:42:05,037

-: 2025

trans kids in all four of my

: 1069

00:42:05,037 --> 00:42:09,027

classes this semester, openly

trans, and I think it's beautiful.

: 1070

00:42:09,297 --> 00:42:12,447

yeah, I I, I've never had one

in all four classes before.

: 1071

00:42:12,507 --> 00:42:12,717

-: 2025

: 1072

00:42:13,017 --> 00:42:13,467

-: 2025

: 1073

00:42:13,467 --> 00:42:14,115

that I knew of.

: 1074

00:42:14,307 --> 00:42:15,477

-: 2025

know, we were talking to Lee.

: 1075

00:42:15,477 --> 00:42:18,777

I was thinking about this, like,

they don't seem scared to me.

: 1076

00:42:18,777 --> 00:42:21,477

They're not hiding, not,

I mean, not entirely.

: 1077

00:42:21,477 --> 00:42:23,697

Some of them, some of them are, and

they, and they have their reasons and

: 1078

00:42:23,697 --> 00:42:27,477

they should, if it's what keeps them

safe, absolutely do what you have to do.

: 1079

00:42:27,597 --> 00:42:31,557

I don't say this to, to like cast,

you know, shade on anybody who's not

: 1080

00:42:31,557 --> 00:42:34,797

living their full truth yet, they're

really just living, they're living

: 1081

00:42:34,797 --> 00:42:37,647

their lives and they're out here

and they're speaking their minds.

: 1082

00:42:37,677 --> 00:42:38,787

They're saying their peace.

: 1083

00:42:39,089 --> 00:42:44,339

And, you know, I had one when, when they

did the drag show, um, they were walking

: 1084

00:42:44,339 --> 00:42:47,669

up to do their performance and they had

a little piece of paper with them and we

: 1085

00:42:47,669 --> 00:42:50,699

had just gotten guidance from the system.

: 1086

00:42:50,699 --> 00:42:54,569

about the, the pretend clutching

pearls that antisemitism,

: 1087

00:42:54,569 --> 00:42:56,129

anytime anybody criticized

: 1088

00:42:56,344 --> 00:42:56,694

-: 2025

: 1089

00:42:56,909 --> 00:43:00,089

-: 2025

had drawn a sign that said Free Palestine

: 1090

00:43:00,089 --> 00:43:02,459

and worked it into their performance.

: 1091

00:43:02,459 --> 00:43:05,519

they were like, they were hiding

it from me because I don't know,

: 1092

00:43:05,579 --> 00:43:07,619

and maybe they were afraid I was

gonna tell 'em not to do it 'cause

: 1093

00:43:07,619 --> 00:43:09,029

I hadn't really been here that long.

: 1094

00:43:09,029 --> 00:43:10,679

that is, that's punk rock.

: 1095

00:43:10,679 --> 00:43:15,389

And so the kids who are able to,

to be out and, and, and say what

: 1096

00:43:15,449 --> 00:43:19,289

what they feel is on their hearts

to say, protect them at all costs.

: 1097

00:43:19,289 --> 00:43:20,789

-: 2025

I did have one kid tell me this

: 1098

00:43:20,789 --> 00:43:22,439

week that he doesn't use pronouns.

: 1099

00:43:22,439 --> 00:43:22,919

-: 2025

: 1100

00:43:22,919 --> 00:43:23,939

There's always one that train

: 1101

00:43:23,969 --> 00:43:24,359

-: 2025

: 1102

00:43:24,539 --> 00:43:24,809

-: 2025

: 1103

00:43:24,959 --> 00:43:26,369

-: 2025

you take a women's studies class

: 1104

00:43:26,369 --> 00:43:28,109

just to be a contrary asshole?

: 1105

00:43:28,109 --> 00:43:29,189

Like for real.

: 1106

00:43:29,189 --> 00:43:29,999

-: 2025

I don't use pronouns.

: 1107

00:43:30,029 --> 00:43:30,899

All right.

: 1108

00:43:31,034 --> 00:43:32,054

-: 2025

so what am I supposed to do?

: 1109

00:43:32,054 --> 00:43:33,644

Call you by your first name all semester.

: 1110

00:43:33,644 --> 00:43:36,314

And he kind of shrugged his shoulders

at me and I said, you know, that

: 1111

00:43:36,314 --> 00:43:37,934

just means like they, and he, right.

: 1112

00:43:37,934 --> 00:43:40,304

And he was like, well, I guess

you can use, he, you know, it's

: 1113

00:43:40,304 --> 00:43:44,954

like, yes, the fuck you do,

use pronouns, you little moron.

: 1114

00:43:44,954 --> 00:43:47,091

Oh, but I said it nicer than that.

: 1115

00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:47,361

So,

: 1116

00:43:47,361 --> 00:43:49,311

-: 2025

he's already learned something from

: 1117

00:43:49,376 --> 00:43:49,626

-: 2025

: 1118

00:43:49,701 --> 00:43:52,326

-: 2025

somebody, has been filling him up with

: 1119

00:43:52,326 --> 00:43:57,426

fucking stupidness, sending him out into

the world to make him look like a fool.

: 1120

00:43:57,426 --> 00:43:59,556

Like just repeating the stuff you hear.

: 1121

00:43:59,556 --> 00:44:00,666

You are going to look

: 1122

00:44:00,951 --> 00:44:01,521

-: 2025

: 1123

00:44:01,521 --> 00:44:02,121

Yep.

: 1124

00:44:02,121 --> 00:44:03,021

Exactly.

: 1125

00:44:03,021 --> 00:44:03,381

-: 2025

: 1126

00:44:03,381 --> 00:44:03,801

I swear.

: 1127

00:44:03,801 --> 00:44:06,351

I think some of these conservatives

have humiliation kinks or

: 1128

00:44:06,486 --> 00:44:08,346

-: 2025

he enjoyed today, the second lecture,

: 1129

00:44:08,346 --> 00:44:11,496

and I was talking about privilege

and cultural hegemony and, I do

: 1130

00:44:11,496 --> 00:44:14,646

a, like, the first couple of weeks

are, are focusing on the feminist

: 1131

00:44:14,646 --> 00:44:16,266

movement and the history of all that.

: 1132

00:44:16,266 --> 00:44:19,716

But I do a foundational concepts

lecture beforehand so that we can

: 1133

00:44:19,716 --> 00:44:23,316

have a common vocabulary about things

like intersectionality and what

: 1134

00:44:23,316 --> 00:44:27,576

institutions are and but they get a

whole serving full of, liberal bullshit.

: 1135

00:44:27,576 --> 00:44:29,511

Um, and I love it.

: 1136

00:44:29,961 --> 00:44:30,351

Yeah.

: 1137

00:44:30,351 --> 00:44:32,571

So maybe he'll drop, I,

I hope maybe he drops.

: 1138

00:44:32,631 --> 00:44:34,161

But maybe he'll stay and learn something.

: 1139

00:44:34,161 --> 00:44:35,961

-: 2025

yeah, I hope he sticks it out.

: 1140

00:44:36,021 --> 00:44:41,961

And I hope that even if he doesn't leave,

a fully 180 changed man or whatever,

: 1141

00:44:41,961 --> 00:44:43,551

the things that you said are still in

: 1142

00:44:43,596 --> 00:44:44,046

-: 2025

: 1143

00:44:44,046 --> 00:44:46,626

-: 2025

sometimes that shit can percolate

: 1144

00:44:46,626 --> 00:44:49,543

for years, it'll come in handy one

: 1145

00:44:49,708 --> 00:44:50,638

-: 2025

: 1146

00:44:50,743 --> 00:44:52,963

-: 2025

don't change unless they have the tools to

: 1147

00:44:53,078 --> 00:44:53,428

-: 2025

: 1148

00:44:53,428 --> 00:44:53,488

Yeah.

: 1149

00:44:53,488 --> 00:44:56,308

I try to make my, my space

a very welcoming place.

: 1150

00:44:56,308 --> 00:44:58,998

when I introduce myself, I

say You can say she or her.

: 1151

00:44:58,998 --> 00:45:00,168

You can use they if you want to.

: 1152

00:45:00,168 --> 00:45:01,638

If it pisses a transpo off, call me.

: 1153

00:45:01,638 --> 00:45:04,308

He, whatever makes them, you know,

whatever makes you feel good.

: 1154

00:45:04,308 --> 00:45:06,588

I said, it doesn't really matter

to me one way or the other.

: 1155

00:45:06,588 --> 00:45:08,178

I, that I identify as a problem.

: 1156

00:45:08,178 --> 00:45:09,888

If people try to fuck with my friends,

: 1157

00:45:09,888 --> 00:45:11,388

-: 2025

Identify as a problem.

: 1158

00:45:11,388 --> 00:45:13,068

I'm a friend until I'm a foe,

: 1159

00:45:14,508 --> 00:45:16,128

-: 2025

make me, don't make me go there.

: 1160

00:45:16,158 --> 00:45:16,788

You know what I mean?

: 1161

00:45:17,056 --> 00:45:18,286

it's not gonna end well for you.

: 1162

00:45:18,286 --> 00:45:20,444

-: 2025

have a friend several times she

: 1163

00:45:20,444 --> 00:45:23,384

has said to me like, do people

know what they're getting into?

: 1164

00:45:23,384 --> 00:45:27,224

And they cross you because

you've got the meanest tongue.

: 1165

00:45:27,224 --> 00:45:31,544

And, and I'll be nice, and I'll even mean,

you know, well, or whatever, but when it's

: 1166

00:45:31,544 --> 00:45:36,994

time to get to the point, I guess I have a

way, and there have been times when folks

: 1167

00:45:36,994 --> 00:45:40,594

I know have regretted stepping into me,

: 1168

00:45:41,286 --> 00:45:41,576

-: 2025

: 1169

00:45:41,576 --> 00:45:42,576

They should regret it.

: 1170

00:45:42,576 --> 00:45:43,416

-: 2025

not so much here.

: 1171

00:45:43,416 --> 00:45:46,107

People, they, well, they're all

Let's just say they don't have the,

: 1172

00:45:46,107 --> 00:45:47,457

the courage of their convictions

: 1173

00:45:47,552 --> 00:45:47,902

-: 2025

: 1174

00:45:48,045 --> 00:45:50,475

-: 2025

to talk a lot out of earshot or let

: 1175

00:45:50,475 --> 00:45:51,945

somebody else do the talking for 'em.

: 1176

00:45:51,945 --> 00:45:53,685

-: 2025

told me this week that, um, she's

: 1177

00:45:53,685 --> 00:45:55,365

gonna push for me to get a third year.

: 1178

00:45:55,365 --> 00:45:55,785

So

: 1179

00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:56,130

-: 2025

: 1180

00:45:56,475 --> 00:45:58,155

-: 2025

yeah, that would be fantastic.

: 1181

00:45:58,415 --> 00:45:58,765

-: 2025

: 1182

00:45:58,995 --> 00:46:02,145

-: 2025

salary is what I'm really excited about.

: 1183

00:46:07,195 --> 00:46:09,918

-: 2025

for hanging out with us for another week.

: 1184

00:46:09,918 --> 00:46:10,848

-: 2025

While we rambled along,

: 1185

00:46:10,968 --> 00:46:11,478

-: 2025

: 1186

00:46:11,478 --> 00:46:14,898

As we do, again, shout out to

those embarking on the school year

: 1187

00:46:14,898 --> 00:46:17,598

again and keep doing the things.

: 1188

00:46:17,598 --> 00:46:21,318

thank you to everyone who has

engaged with us on social media.

: 1189

00:46:21,318 --> 00:46:24,648

It's been real fun and

left us nice reviews.

: 1190

00:46:24,668 --> 00:46:26,348

-: 2025

shout out and hashtag this week.

: 1191

00:46:26,348 --> 00:46:26,738

-: 2025

: 1192

00:46:26,798 --> 00:46:27,768

-: 2025

That was very fun.

: 1193

00:46:27,962 --> 00:46:29,762

-: 2025

friend of the show, Brian.

: 1194

00:46:29,762 --> 00:46:32,882

and yeah, we love to see you

out there in, in the real world.

: 1195

00:46:33,268 --> 00:46:34,078

haw fuck the law.

: 1196

00:46:35,578 --> 00:46:36,448

Say hi to your mom and

: 1197

00:46:36,493 --> 00:46:37,123

-: 2025

Share Episode

Shownotes

Transcripts

Follow

Links

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube