This is not just another episode about being heard at the table in negotiation! There are so many other areas that you want to be heard, and it is not about the simple facts that you present. This episode will dive into the difficult times where we want to be heard, and how we can break through to have a voice and be heard in an equitable, fair manner without feeling compromised. Whether it is at the table, or in a discussion that you need to be appreciated for what you contribute, getting heard is vital to the overall confidence and success in your life.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 83 of Speaking From The

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Heart, and do you hear my voice?

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How about your voice?

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Can I hear you?

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Is this thing on?

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I know that we have been through the

ringer, especially the last few years

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for my folks that have navigated the

COVID 19 pandemic, especially making

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sure that when we're on Zoom, Teams,

or any other type of videoconferencing

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platform that we unmute ourselves so

that we can hear what you have to say.

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I've been the victim of that,

especially when I worked at the

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Department of Labor and Industry

here in the state of Pennsylvania.

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I had to run meetings, not only with my

staff, but also with blind people as well.

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They're not going to

tell me if I'm on mute.

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If they don't hear anything for a little

bit, then they'll tell me that I need

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to unmute my microphone, but that same

sort of premise is sometimes what we

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are often doing by shutting off our own

internal microphone by not being able

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to be heard, especially at the table

when it comes to not only our opinions,

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but also what we have to contribute.

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Today's episode is for all those people

out there that are dealing with silence

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and not hearing anything at all.

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Now, every time that I run my show,

especially when it comes to recording,

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I always have to make sure that I do

a microphone check because I don't

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want it to pick up from my computer

microphone, and I want to make sure

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that it's being listened to through

my actual podcast microphone, which

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is a completely separate device.

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I love using my podcast microphone

for a variety of different reasons.

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It picks up the volume a lot more

clearer and crisper, and everything

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that I have to say, I don't have to

yell it so loudly that it picks up the

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whole entire room, and it's only picking

up what I have directly in front of

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my face every single time, but yet we

don't have that opportunity, especially

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when we're talking to others, about

the things that we have in our minds.

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Even if we're right there in front

of their face, especially dealing

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with the simple facts that we have to

present, there are a lot of difficult

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things that we have to be able to

address in order not only be equitably

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represented, but also be considered in

a fair manner without being compromised.

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Now we've talked about this on

some earlier episodes, in which

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I've mentioned the book, Crucial

Conversations for Mastering Dialogue.

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It's a program that I've been certified in

and I'm so excited to be offering as part

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of my business offerings, but even with

all that said, Crucial Conversations for

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Mastering Dialogue, which is a book that's

written by various authors including

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Joseph Grenny, talks about the importance

of never being able to compromise, because

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when you compromise, you're selling

yourself and your position short in the

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overall things that you have to address.

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Now in that context, we're talking

about conversations that are high

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stakes, and the emotions are running

high, and you want to have a desired

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outcome that reaches both parties.

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You might not be reaching a conversation

of that magnitude, but really just talking

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about the day to day for that matter.

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The things that we often have to

address in a fair manner in order for

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us to understand and appreciate not

just what we have to say, but also

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having the confidence and the ability

to be successful in life, knowing

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that what we have in our minds, and

also in our hearts, can be shared.

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It essentially becomes a conversation

of being not only authentic,

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but also having a voice to be

heard at the negotiation table.

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Negotiation table, you say?

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"Josh, this isn't a business transaction,

this is just my personal life."

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Well, there might be some interaction

between both of those aspects of

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life, if you really think about

the bigger scheme of things.

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Everything that we say and do always

has some sort of vested interest in what

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we're trying to present, whether that's

looking at the different types of things

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that we're trying to achieve, let alone

the different types of outcomes that we

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want to have as a result of working on

ourselves and other aspects of our lives.

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It's really about understanding

what we can do to break through and

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create those best versions of the

situations that we want to have.

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Now, it doesn't mean that you have to be

really loud and boisterous, which we've

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talked about volume in one of my episodes,

particularly about public speaking, let

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alone just in life in general, but I'm

not just talking about using your volume.

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I'm talking about utilizing the ability

for you to not only work through the

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different types of conversations that

you need to have, but knowing the person

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and understanding your audience, which

is something that I even teach to my

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public speaking clients, makes such an

important consideration into your overall

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development of your messaging, especially

when you're trying to convince somebody

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or persuade someone on a particular

type of viewpoint that you have.

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I know that for many of us it becomes

so difficult and we might want to

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just throw our hands up and walk away,

because just having that level of,

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quote unquote, confrontation Might be

very tough for us to be able to handle,

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but it's not just about confrontation,

and it doesn't have to be viewed as

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confrontation for that matter, especially

if you think about the fact that it

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isn't what it's all cracked up to be

when it comes to just talking to someone.

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As a human being, I know that we often

work so hard on trying to impress

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somebody, and we usually go above

and beyond to be able to provide

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that attitude, that perception,

that belief, that we really have

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it all together, and we might not.

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It might be a ploy for us to just

be able to say to someone, "Yeah.

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I do have everything that I need.

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Is there something else that you need from

me because I have everything to give?"

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I think that we have this sort of mantra

sometimes because we are working on not

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just the things that we want to have, or

the things that we say that we're going

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to do, but sometimes it's just hard enough

to be able to work through what kind of

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viewpoint that we have because we're so

intimidated by what that person has and

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what they are, but if you think about

it, they're just as human as you and I.

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Think about it this way.

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The politics, or even the celebrities

that we often have as admiration

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for, are all human beings.

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Well, maybe some of them, but, I digress.

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A lot of them are human beings.

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We have to think about it in that

context that they make mistakes.

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They also have problems of their own,

and maybe we don't see them on the

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day to day, but trust me, they do.

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Whether it's financial, whether it's

with relationships, whether it's for

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professional reasons, regardless of what

that reason is, we all have problems,

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and it's okay to talk about it in a human

relational aspect, because, let's face it.

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If we don't talk about it, we're

never going to make progress on it.

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That's why we have the

whole industry of coaching.

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Now, some coaches are good, while other

coaches, not so good, but I'm not saying

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that you have to be perfect, and you

need to be better as a whole, to be

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able to understand that sometimes people

have their own emotional baggage, their

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own sort of situation, in which they

are working through in order to address

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all the different types of situations

as a whole that they have going on.

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Now, with that said, why is

that so important in being

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able to get my voice heard?

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If you're able to spend a little bit

of time knowing that that person's a

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human being and they're also struggling

with all those issues, you can get

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your voice heard at that table as well.

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It doesn't mean, though, that you

manipulate them, make them feel like

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they're coerced in talking about that

subject, but knowing that you can

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identify and relate to somebody can be

the sweetest, loving language that anybody

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has ever heard, especially if you're

able to talk in the way that they really

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want to be heard in the first place.

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I think it is so important to take a big

step back at this point and think about

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the fact that we don't always have to

have all the answers, because when we

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feel compromised, and when we feel that

we are not being equally represented

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and things are not fair, that's exactly

why relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into a negative

feeling, instead of a positive feeling.

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I know that for many years of my

life, I experienced this feeling of

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dejection, remorse, and sustainment of

my voice, because I was dealing with

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not just the things I had internally,

but I knew and I felt intimidated by

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what other people were going through.

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In other words, when I saw when those

people were doing so much better than me,

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I was not feeling so good about myself.

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Not only did that lead into my

shyness taking over, but it also

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led into my internal dialogue

about not being good enough.

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I would say that even contributed to

the biggest problems that I had, even

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leading up to my suicide attempt back in

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difficult path, but yet at the same time,

redeemed myself in so many different ways.

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I know that you might be struggling with

just being heard, and it's okay to not

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be heard sometimes because maybe that

voice, especially saying something,

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could actually create more negative

consequences if you did say something,

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but it doesn't give anybody an excuse

to make you, or make others, feel like

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they don't have anything worth saying.

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Every single person, especially in one

episode in which I talked about Aristotle

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in his definition of human beings being

political animals or social creatures, if

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you will, have really made a big impact,

not just on the things that we are able

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to do as a society, but as a whole.

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We have an important voice that we

need to be heard, whether it's at a

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negotiation table or not, so here's

a couple things that I think might be

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helpful if you still feel intimidated

or shy in being able to help yourself,

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or others, create that opportunity,

and if you are not struggling with

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this, maybe you know somebody that is.

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Part of the problem that we often face

is just being able to associate with

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someone else, so my best advice is to

be able to take some time intentionally.

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Whether it's grabbing a cup of coffee,

whether it's just meeting with them

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face to face, just get it off of social

media, emails, whatever electronic

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device that you have, and if at all

possible, meet with them in person.

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If you do have to use

technology, turn the camera on.

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Don't be afraid to see and react to the

body language that each of you present.

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Body language, especially in public

speaking, tells a huge story about

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not only what you're trying to

convey, but also what you're sharing

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with your audience, and people feed

off of that body language if it's

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appropriately accentuated with the

message that you're trying to share.

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This is no different in the real world

when it comes to sharing your body

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language, so turn the camera on, but

more importantly, meet face to face.

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The other thing to consider

is that each person has that

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opportunity to say something.

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Instead of you always trying to take

over the conversation, especially if

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you are that type of person, take a

big step back, and enable that other

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person to be able to share what is on

their heart, what's in their mind, but

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overall in their soul, because when

you spend that time and you create that

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intentionality, that space for others

to share and exchange new thoughts and

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new ideas, maybe you might have learned

something new as opposed to over talking

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them or not letting them talk at all.

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Create the space that allows them to

not only exchange, but also provide,

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and if all those two things fail, I have

one more idea that might be of help.

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Think about the fact that

we all are human beings.

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To be able to associate and identify

with each other means that we have

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to have a personal connection in ways

that oftentimes leave us vulnerable.

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Nowadays, being vulnerable is

frowned upon, because it allows

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other people to be attacked.

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As a matter of fact, every time that I

put one of my shows together, I'm just

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waiting for somebody to use it against

me and attack me, and I have been even

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warned by others that care about me and

my well being to not be so open, but if

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I wasn't as open as I am, especially on

Speaking From the Heart, I would not be

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living up to the promise that I've made

to all of you since episode number one,

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what is on your heart, because we need

to be vulnerable in this conversation

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that we're having in order to create

not just the best versions of ourselves,

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but also in the opportunities that we

can present to each other, so if there's

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anything else that you could do to

help open that conversation up, be a

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little bit vulnerable, be open to the

fact that you have fallacies, faults

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and concerns of your own, and maybe

sharing that with that other person, or

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spark a whole new type of conversation.

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Now these three things might not always

work, and I'm not saying that you have

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to use all three of what I've presented

today, but I think that if you're able

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to meet face to face and see the body

language; if you're able to convey that

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purpose that you have and give that

intentionality of space; but even more

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importantly than that, just being a

little bit vulnerable to what you're

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trying to share, those three aspects

could be great stepping stones into the

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conversations of the future that you

might have, and it might take some extra

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time, above all else, to even have those

types of situations play out, but it's

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all about just being heard, and I know

that, even more important than ever, in

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the year 2024, we just want to be heard.

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There is so much language, so

much communication, and we are

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being lost because we're not

being heard for who we are.

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If we're able to embrace the fact that we

want to change and we want to have better

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opportunities for ourselves to be the

best versions overall, we need to dive

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into this very difficult conversation

of being heard, and it means not just

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for you to be heard, but to have others

feel like they're being heard at the same

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time, because whether it's at a table

or not, whether it's from thousands of

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miles away, across continents in which

maybe time might be a factor to be able

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to meet, regardless of what you might have

going on in your life, whether it's for

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the social, cultural, political, whatever

nature it is, we all have differences that

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we can embrace, and those differences are

what make us all unique, and at one time

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in our lives, especially in the United

States, we used to value that so much.

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I know that there are some wonderfully

good people listening to this episode

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today, already trying to think about

it, and if you're not that type of

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person, start thinking about how you

can change or flip the conversation,

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because it isn't just about getting

your point across in any way possible.

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It's about being able to contribute to

that overall confidence, that overall

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success, not just in your life, but

in other people's lives as well.

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If you empower yourself to create that

space, I guarantee you that not only

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will you have the riches of the world,

not only will you be rich yourself,

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but you will enrich so many people to

be able to start their own journeys

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today, not only to become the best

version, not only to form relationships,

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gain confidence, and be determined

to keep moving forward, but they'll

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be able to find their speaking voice.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 83 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

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The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

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services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

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See you next time.