Welcome to the Bravehearted Woman. I'm your girl and your coach, Dawn Damon, bravehearted coach here to help you. This is a podcast for women who know that there is more. Your life is not done because you're hitting 50, 60, 70. Not at all. In fact, statistics show us that you can have your most strategic, your most significant season right here. I'm Dawn Damon, and this month, October, we are doing Live Out Loud October.

If you missed last week, I really want you to go back and listen to that episode, because we talked a lot about how, as women, we shrink. We shrink to please people, we shrink to keep peace, we shrink because we lose confidence. Whole lot of reasons we make ourselves smaller. I want you to take a moment, go back and listen to that. Sometimes we shrink; we just wanna be liked, we wanna fit in, we're afraid. Oh, the reasons that we do it. But once we become aware of how we might be shrinking, we realize too that I am a steward and a messenger for God of what He has imparted to me in my life, and shrinking does not serve me well. It doesn't serve the kingdom well. Doesn't serve your relationships well. And I'm not talking about being obnoxious and being loud; I'm just talking about being fully, authentically you, the anointed, spirit-filled woman that you are.

Today's episode is how to reclaim your voice, because part of being small and living small is that we silence ourselves when we often do have a thought, we have an opinion, we have something to say, and we don't wanna be that person, so we just do this when we should be doing this. And if you're just listening to audio, I'm just giving the signal here of talking a lot. It's not a matter of just talking and filling the air with meaningless words. Your voice matters. Yes, it does. Not because you're the loudest person in the room, not because everybody agrees with you or that you have perfect words, but because you have something to contribute that only you can contribute. And so I wanna ask you a few questions.

The first thing I wanna ask you is what happened to your voice? What happened to my voice? Think about yourself as a little girl, and we're going back in time this month because many of the things that we are and who we were designed to be, blueprinted to be, got stolen from us when we were little. I think when I was little, I had an opinion about everything. Maybe you do, too. I had questions. We had stories, and we sang. I did. I sang out loud. I always wanted to be Barbra Streisand, right? Maybe you, too. Did you dream? Did you believe in things? Do you tell people what you thought? Maybe you were shy, but you still felt a sense of confidence in what you thought if you had a healthy childhood.

And then somewhere along the line, we know that life taught us to filter ourselves, to edit ourselves. Maybe someone even told you, as someone told me, "You know, you talk too much." Or maybe they told you, "You're too sensitive. You're too loud. You're too emotional. You're just extra. You're too much. You laugh too loud. Who do you think you are?" And all of those things that were said over us, they wove their way into our mind and into our psyche, and we learned to be liked and being accepted was important, and so we had to modify who we are, specifically our voice. You spoke up, and you got criticized. You had an idea, and somebody dismissed it or torpedoed it. You trusted your voice, and it sounded good, but then someone used it against you, and maybe you learned that keeping the peace was safer than telling the truth. Maybe your surroundings weren't safe for you to speak up, and so little by little you became quieter. Not necessarily silent, but quieter. You learned to edit, you learned to soften, and there's some wisdom in that, but not when we second-guess, when we learn to say, "Mm, it's probably just me," or, "Maybe I'm overreacting. I don't know. What do you think?" Or, "I don't care what you wanna do." There's nothing wrong with listening to other people and really evaluating ourselves.

Self-awareness is very, very important, and we teach a lot about self-awareness. But there is something wrong when you hear everyone else's voice except your own. And more importantly, we need to hear the truth. We need to hear God's voice.

But the second thing that I wanna tell you today is that God gave you a voice, what have you done with it? Here's why I wanna bring faith into this. One of my favorite scriptures is 2 Timothy 1:7, and you'll understand: "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control." We might even say bravery, love, and self-control. Think about that. God hasn't given us fear. Not fear, but He's given us power. He's given us love, self-control. So when fear says, "Don't say it. Don't speak up," God says, "You don't have to live your life governed by fear. I've given you something to say. I've given you a message." When insecurity says, "Why did you just say that?" God says, "You have not been given a spirit of fear. Don't let fear rule your life."

Now, that doesn't mean that everything we think is from God or that everything that we think we should say. Let's be clear about that. We learn to discern. We learn to filter. A voice doesn't mean that we're careless with our words and we just spew whatever at any time. You know, I've been with people where inside I'm saying to myself, "Please take a breath. Please be quiet." I met an individual once, very first meeting, shake hands, and we were in a little bit of a circle, and for the next 20 minutes she held us all captive. I tried to say some things. I tried to give social cues. I tried to let her know. Well, what she was saying mattered, and it was important, but it wasn't drenched in discernment, so some of it got dismissed. Having a voice doesn't mean that we just fill the air or that we're careless. Bravery and wisdom must go together. They're in a marriage. And we don't weaponize our voice. We steward it.

I wanna tell you the third thing today is that your voice isn't just what you say. Sometimes you don't need words. I want you to think about this. Your voice isn't just your literal speaking voice. It's your perspective. It's your influence. It's your story. It's your convictions. Your voice is your creativity and your experience and your wisdom. Your voice is your leadership. It's your message. When I work out with a trainer, I can hear her voice in my ears long after my appointment with her is over. I can hear my coach. I can hear her words in my ears. I can hear her speaking to me. I can hear that instruction from my pastor. He was my pastor for 25 years, Pastor M. Wayne Benson. I can hear his words even when my flesh wants to rise up and say something. So my voice is not just words; it's my message, and so it's true with yours. People can hear your voice. They can hear your instruction. They can hear your wisdom. And after you've had a few decades of having something powerful to say, people will hear you. You have more than when you were 25, right? You have perspective. Yes, you certainly do. You have a different viewpoint. You've walked through some things. You've learned some things. You've survived things. You've made mistakes. You grew up. You got back up. You know what it is to be loved, and you know what it is to be rejected. You know what it is to be found and treasured. You know what it is to be lost. You know what it is to start again and start over. You have wisdom, and somebody needs to know what you know. So please don't tell yourself, "Who would wanna hear what I have to say?" Somebody would. I do. The question is, are you willing to say it? Are you willing to share your voice?

There are so many women in the Bible who found their voice. Here's one woman who found her voice: Esther. Remember the story of Esther, if you know the Bible at all? If not, I'd love to share it with you. But Esther was in a position at a time when she could save the Jewish nation. She didn't wanna be in that position; she didn't ask for it, and she was afraid, but her voice mattered. She could have remained silent; she could have protected herself, but her cousin, Mordecai, challenged her with these unforgettable words. They're in the Bible, in the book called Esther 4:14. He says, "Who knows but you have come to your position for such a time as this?" Esther had a choice: silence or courage. And here's what I love. She didn't suddenly become fearless. She became willing. She decided that her position gave her responsibility. It positioned her uniquely to use her voice, and maybe that's something you need to hear today. Has your position given you a unique place where your voice can be heard? Your position is connected to your voice. Wherever God has placed you, in your family, in your workplace, at your church, in your business or your community, with your friends, there may be something you're supposed to say. Will you do it? Not because you're better than anyone else, but because you're there and because you're willing.

Now let me give you three ways that we have lost our voice, or that women lose their voice. Let's get really practical here. We lose our voice when we constantly seek approval. If anyone listening today is an approval seeker, you need to be set free from that, and I just declare it in the name of Jesus, you're set free from thinking and fearing about what people think about you. If everybody has to agree with you before you're willing to speak, you don't have a voice. You will be relegated to a life of silence. You have a committee. You don't have a voice. You're leading by public opinion. And some of us have been running our lives by committee way too long. Okay?

So you can listen, you can consider, you can receive wise counsel, but ultimately you must learn to be the woman God created you to be, and the time for listening is done, and the time for considering and counseling is over. You need to use your voice.

And that's a powerful model for the brave-hearted woman. Three, we lose our voice when we believe that our past disqualifies us. Maybe you've made mistakes, maybe you've made some bad decisions. I know I have. Maybe you don't feel like you're the woman that you wanna be all the time, and so guilt has you feeling like you are disqualified. Maybe you have a story that you're embarrassed about. And so we all do. So hear me. Your past, I mean, it's part of your story, but it's your past, and it doesn't get to write the ending for you. You have the choice. Some of the greatest messages do come from the places that we've walked through. The classic saying, "My mess is His message," okay? My scars become wisdom, and my mistakes can become instruction for someone else, and my story can be someone else's hope. So don't be afraid to share what you've come through and what you've learned. By all means, that's the gold. We want that.

So how do you reclaim your voice? Let's talk about that. Let's talk about what you can actually do. Now, last week I gave you a challenge. I'm gonna give you one this week, too, but let's talk about what you can do. So step one, listen to yourself. Before you use your voice, you need to know what's happening on the inside of you. You know, do you know what you really think? Are you comfortable with hearing and accepting your own opinion? Or do you, do you edit it out right away, or do you shut it down right away? Do you ever ask yourself, "What do I really think? What do I really believe? I mean, what do I really want? Am I saying yes when I need, need to be saying no, or I wanna be saying no? Am I saying no when I would really wanna say yes? Yes, I really do wanna go. Yes, I really do wanna speak, or I really do wanna sing, or I really do wanna start that business." Are you afraid of someone else's reaction? Is that why you're staying silent? So answering these questions can tell you a lot. So that's step one.

Step two is stop apologizing. I really wanted to have a sorry, not sorry September, but- I have to apologize that I d- I didn't do it. I went for something else. But I want you to stop apologizing, especially for existing. I mean, I'm not saying you don't apologize for something that you've done wrong. Absolutely, yes, please apologize and ask for forgiveness. But let's retire the unnecessary. Let's not say, "I'm sorry, but... I'm sorry to bother you. I'm sorry, this might be a stupid idea, but, um... I'm sorry. I'm, I'm sorry, can I ask you something?" No. No, you don't have to apologize for taking up space or having thoughts. You don't have to apologize for having a need. You're human. You have permission to have needs. Stop apologizing. You can just simply say, "I have an idea." Or you can say, "I disagree. I have a different perspective on that. Hmm, I need some time to think about that before I commit or say yes." You can say, "That doesn't work for me." Guess what? No is a complete sentence. You don't have to add anything to it. You can say, "Here's what I believe." You can say, "Here's what I need." That's not being difficult, that's being clear. That's being honest, and that's showing self-respect, and that teaches people how to treat you. When you show up with that kind of confidence and kindness, but just that certainty about who you are and what you want, you teach people to treat you with respect. I think that's really powerful.

Whatever it is, if you start talking to yourself with the same grace that you give everyone else, you're gonna build your confidence and self-esteem, and your internal dialogue will sound more like God's truth than your decision of whether that truth applies to you. So your voice doesn't have to be loud, and I wanna make this important distinction.

Living out loud October doesn't mean speaking loudly or showing up loudly or being Calamity Jane all of a sudden. The most important women I've ever met don't have a need to dominate the room. They don't. They have presence. Woo, can you feel that? They have weight. They have clarity. When they speak, it matters. They're poised, and when they open up their mouth, people listen because they have stewarded their influence well, and that's what I want for you. That's what I want for me. Not just a louder voice, a clearer voice, a powerful voice, a more courageous voice, a wise voice, an authentic voice. Not constantly filtered through what they will think, but instead a voice that asks what's true, and what's wise, and what's mine to say, and what's needed to be said right now? Anything? Nothing? Something? And am I the one that God wants to use to say it?

All right, so here's your live out loud challenge. Ready? You ready for this week? I want you to identify one place where you've been silent when you need to speak. Just one. Okay? You know the rule: not 10, not 50, just one. And then I want you to finish this sentence: It's time for me to say... Ooh, what? Write it down. Don't send it yet. Let's, let's be careful here for a moment. Just write it. Get the words out of your head, get 'em on paper, and then ask, "Is this true? Is this necessary? Can I say this with wisdom, and can I say it with love? And is this the time to say it?" But get it out. Get it on paper. Use your voice. Brave-hearted women, hear me today, okay? Your voice matters. It does. And your story matters. Your wisdom matters. Your influence matters. Your perspective matters. And your dreams matter. You don't have to become somebody else. God didn't make a mistake when He made you. You may say, "Well, I'm an introvert." Well, that doesn't give you a license not to use your voice. The Bible says, "Speak the truth in love," not, you know, sign the truth, not think the truth. Speak the truth in love. You don't have to become somebody else to use your voice. You just need to be brave-hearted. God didn't make a mistake. He didn't accidentally give you your personality.

Now, I will say that experience has shaped you, yes, so we don't want you to come from a place of woundedness. We want you to come from a place of healing, that your woundedness is part of your story, but it's not driving your story. It's sitting next to you, but it's not leading the way. You have gifts, you have perspective, you have a voice, and use it. So you have permission to speak for yourself. Speak, right? Speak with wisdom, speak with courage, speak with love, speak with truth, and when you don't know what to say, sometimes the bravest thing you can say is, "I need time to think about that. That's a great question. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I'll get back to you." You can say, "That doesn't work for me," or, "I don't agree. This is what I believe." You don't have to scream, you don't have to fight, you don't have to prove or push your way. You just have to stop disappearing and stop hitting mute on your voice when God calls you to speak, because you're never meant to shrink.

So this October, stop shrinking and start speaking. Take the leap and live out loud. This is Dawn Damon. You're listening to the Bravehearted Woman Podcast for women who know there's more. This week, head on over to my website, braveheartedwoman.com. Take the quiz. Let's find out where you are in your heart. Are you bravehearted? Are you faint-hearted? Are you bold-hearted? Are you adventurous? Where's your heart, and what do you need to move yourself towards your goals and your dreams? I'm there to help you, and next week we're gonna take it one step further, because finding your voice is one thing and using it is another. In fact, use all of the gifts that God has given you, so next week we do it. It's called Do the Thing, and I can't wait to see you. I'm gonna leave you like I always do. Dawn Damon. Is it time for you? Find your brave and live your dreams!