Age 4 First Paragraph: Parenting a child can be joyful, exhausting, and overwhelming, sometimes all at once. Tuning in, the ability to stay present, calm, and intentional, can help you feel more grounded, connected, and confident in your parenting.

By tuning in to your child, you’ll better understand their cues, respond to their needs with greater calm, and develop a sense of patience and self-kindness when parenting feels hard. As your child grows, their cues may change, from coos and cries to words and gestures, but tuning in continues to matter just as much.

Tuning in isn’t about being perfect; it’s about noticing what’s happening in the moment and responding with calm and care.

Five Steps for Tuning In to Your Child

This five-step process helps you tune in to your child’s needs. It also teaches your child important, critical life skills. The same process can be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process[1] ).

Tip: These steps are done best when you are not tired or in a rush. 

Tip: Intentional communication[2]  and growing a healthy parenting relationship[3]  will support these steps.

Step 1: Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

Your child is constantly giving you information through their body language, facial expressions, words, and sounds. Tuning in begins by noticing those cues and responding intentionally.

Notice the “quiet cues.” Children often show you what they need before they cry. Watch for:

●      Turning their head away when overstimulated

●      Rubbing their eyes or yawning when tired

●      Kicking their legs or widening their eyes when excited or curious

●      Your child is throwing a toy in frustration

Name what you see. Describing your child’s behavior helps you stay aware and models language development. For example:

●      “You’re rubbing your eyes, I think you’re getting sleepy.”

●      “I hear your little giggles, you love this game!”

●      “I can see you are frustrated right now.”

Pause before responding. When your child cries or fusses, try pausing for a few seconds before reacting. This gives you a moment to tune in and respond calmly.

Tip: Pausing helps shift you from an automatic reaction (like feeling flustered) to a more thoughtful response.

Step 2: Teach New Skills

Children learn by watching and experiencing your calm presence. You can model tuning in by creating small routines that bring calm and focus to your day.

Create grounding routines. Simple routines, like singing the same song before naps or narrating what you’re doing during bath time, help your child feel calm and secure.

Use grounding techniques for yourself. Try practicing one of these during moments of stress or overwhelm:

●      5-Second Breath: Inhale for 5 seconds, hold for 2, exhale for 5.

●      Feet on the Floor: When feeling overwhelmed, pause and press your feet firmly into the ground. Imagine your strength and calm returning to you.

●      Hand on Heart: Place your hand on your heart, take a deep breath, and say quietly: “I’m here, and I’m doing my best.”

Narrate your own awareness. As you calm yourself, describe what you’re doing:

●      “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a breath before I respond.”

●      “Wow, that loud noise startled both of us. Let's take a minute to calm down together.”

Tip: These small moments model calm, responsive behavior for your child while helping you reset emotionally.

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skills and Develop Habits

Tuning in happens in small, consistent moments. By adding simple practices into your daily routine, you’ll build habits that help you stay grounded,even during stressful times.

Build a “quiet pause” routine. Choose a moment in your day, before mealtime, while giving a bath, or while rocking your child, to take one deep breath and quietly say: “I’m right here.”

Practice “noticing without judgment.” When your child cries, practice observing without self-criticism:

●      Instead of: “I can’t get this right!”

●      Try: “This is hard right now, and that’s okay. I’m doing my best.”

Focus on one sense at a time. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, try focusing on just one sense to ground yourself:

●      Listen for your child’s breathing.

●      Notice the warmth of your child in your arms.

●      Smell your child’s hair or clothing as you rock them.

Celebrate your wins. Build a practice of self-reflection to reinforce learning. Ask yourself:

●      “What’s one moment today when I noticed my child’s cues?”

●      “When was I proud of how I responded?”

Tip: The more you practice these simple moments of tuning in, the easier they’ll become, even during challenging times.

Step 4: Support Your Child’s Development and Success

Children learn trust and security when caregivers respond with warmth and steadiness. Responding by first tuning in, rather than reacting impulsively, helps build your child’s sense of safety.

Pause before reacting. When your child’s crying feels overwhelming, pause for just a few seconds to ground yourself.

●      Ask yourself: “What does my child need right now?”

●      Remind yourself: “I can handle this moment.”

Soften your tone and movement. During moments of stress, slow your breathing, speak softly, and move gently, your calmness will help regulate your child’s emotions.

Allow yourself to step away briefly. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to place your child safely in their crib for a moment and take a few calming breaths before returning.

Tip: Responding with calm doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings, it means recognizing your emotions and choosing how to act in the moment.

Step 5: Recognize Efforts

Tuning in, especially during a busy day with a child, isn’t easy. Each time you pause, breathe, or respond with calm, you’re strengthening your skills and building a more connected relationship with your child.

Notice your own progress. Reflect on small moments where you responded thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively:

●      “I paused when my child was crying, and I stayed calm. That was a win.”

●      “I remembered to take a breath before picking my child up. I’m proud of that.”

Celebrate your child’s responses. When your child calms in your arms, smiles at your voice, or leans into you for comfort, these are signs that your calm presence is making a difference.

Be kind to yourself. If you lose your patience or feel overwhelmed, remind yourself:

“I’m learning. I can try again next time.”

Tip: Tuning in isn’t about perfection, it’s about learning to return to calm, again and again.

Closing

Tuning in strengthens connection and helps you stay attuned to yourself and your child. By tuning in, you’re not only creating calm moments for yourself, you are also building a deeper connection with your child. Each time you pause, breathe, and respond with intention, you are teaching your child that they are safe, loved, and cared for, no matter what. You are exactly the parent your child needs, every moment of tuning in matters.

Recommended Citation: Center for Health and Safety Culture. (2025). Tuning In Age 3-4. Retrieved from https://www.ToolsforYourChildsSuccess.org

© 2025 Center for Health and Safety Culture at Montana State University

This content does not necessarily reflect the views or policies of the Tools for Your Child’s Success communities, financial supporters, contributors, SAMHSA, or the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

Link to Parenting Process

https://docs.google.com/document/d/14orhWA9ckeKhHnz0vzZME0z9oKFrIe3h/edit?rtpof=true&tab=t.0

Link to Intentional Communication

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oThSRRW7rR8ZTHFFqOVJyQ9C4_BEEfBK/edit?rtpof=true&tab=t.0

Link to Link to Intentional Ways to Grow a Healthy Parenting Relationship

- https://docs.google.com/document/d/1llJetZ909-auv48aX6yT3PmbWT1Ibr32/edit?rtpof=true#heading=h.rfbd7ftz7hoe