This summer, Scott kicks off a new series on Marriage, and in this episode, he addresses the challenging topic of divorce and marriage within the Christian community. Scott discusses the need for greater hope, assurance, and confidence in life through a deeper trust in God and Jesus Christ. He also covers the vital role of daily prayer and its transformative impact on one's worldview, relationships, and marriage.

Scott discusses sobering statistics, pointing out that the divorce rate among Christians is similar to that of the general population due to the lack of a firmly established worldview and commitment model. He talks about the importance of viewing marriage as a covenant relationship that mirrors the gospel, aims at mutual growth in holiness, and prioritizes deep friendship and sexual intimacy as a covenant renewal. Scott also provides practical advice for couples, encouraging daily prayers of gratitude for one’s spouse and intentionality in nurturing the marriage. The decline in marriage rates and the impact of societal devaluation on perceptions of marriage are also examined, underlining the need for a biblical worldview and genuine commitment.

Download The Insight Sheets Here:

Insight Sheet Blank: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1MzZ6f4X6YM_2lI0Hou4_P6RgW_GBmhgd/view?usp=sharing

Insight Sheet With Answers: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1MzZ6f4X6YM_2lI0Hou4_P6RgW_GBmhgd/view?usp=sharing

Key Topics Discussed:

• The transformative effect of daily prayer on worldview and relationships.
• Divorce rates among Christians and the general population.
• Commitment and covenant in marriage vs. having divorce as an easy option.
• Daily devotions leading to lower divorce rates.
• Five principles about marriage that reflect the gospel.
• Why it is important to pray for and with your spouse.
• Marriage as ordained by God and the role of a suitable helper.
• Impact of parents’ marriages on perceptions of marriage.
• Societal devaluation of marriage and its effects.
• Adopting a biblical worldview and choosing a spouse intentionally.
• The metaphor of marriage reflecting the relationship between God, Jesus, and the church

Hi. If you're looking for greater hope, assurance, and confidence through the shifting sands of life, then join me on today's episode as we dig deep into the bible to discover rock solid truth for life and living from the God of the bible. I'm your host, Scott Keffer. Hi, and welcome to today's episode. As always, for a deeper experience, you can go to the show notes and download the blank insight sheet. Fill in the blanks along with the group. Depending on how you're listening to this, there will be a link to the episode website at beholdingbibletruth.com, and a sheet with the answers is included as well. Enjoy today's episode.

In summer during summer, we take a break from our regularly scheduled program. We're bringing a special program mostly because it cuts my preparation time in half. I was supposed to remove it, but that never seems to be the case. But does it these cut in half, so thank you for, flowing as we do something different. As you know, last summer, we did Jay Warner Wallace's person of interest, which was really good. So he is a, essentially, a cold case detective who goes back and, that's a terrific if you weren't here and you didn't watch it, it's it's a terrific, series mostly on the looking at proving or disproving price from the standpoint of a cold case murder. And so he applies that and he he does a case along with it. How many were here for that one? That was very well done.

So we did his current one, which is truth, truth and true crime, which is taking criminal cases and then taking a specific issue. So this is different but subject wise. So, very good. So we'll flow with that, through the summer. How many have been here for the 3 so far? Are we good? Yes. Yeah. Good. Good.

Good. Good stuff. Well, in 19 82 or so, having lived an entire life, working very hard to have advanced degrees in hedonism. God began to stir in my heart in different ways, mostly by tuning in the radio and, getting a bible from, Beth, who bought me a Zippered bible. If you're in the in the front of the book, I actually have a picture of the zippered bible that she bought me, which I thought was the weirdest thing in the world. Why would you put a zipper on a, on a book? But, I zippered and began to read and God began to work in my heart. And in January of 83, yeah, I came to Christ. I mean, I felt just, you know, surrender and and just as if he would wash that he'd washed away all literally all of my sins.

And, that was a terrific moment. I felt like I was walking on air for a while. And, up to that point, I, Beth and I had, dated in college, and then we had a very rocky relationship. And then we broke up, and then we got back together. And so it was about 8 years of, you know, all sorts of stuff. So I finally felt like the Lord would allow me to commit to something. Because up to that point, I thought I'm not committed to anything.

You know?

I'm not committed to anything. And so I asked Beth to to to to marry me, and it was new believer time. So you would pray, like, where there would be a problem. So you just pray. Lord would answer. You know? And you're new. He's just answering all the time and interesting. And, I'm learning, going to bible studies, kind of growing.

And I said, Lord, if if you show me something in in the best effort I can, I'll I'll do that. And the week of our marriage

About this time where your son is.

Yeah. Yeah. The week of.

Uh-huh.

Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. And we'd had a lot of discussion, and I think part of the issue is bad. There was no fireworks and lightning, and you need it. I don't. You know, I grew up in the church, and you didn't, and you're more of a heathen than me. Yeah. All of that kind of stuff. And so I said, I'm not sure we can get married.

Well, that led to some vigorous discussions. And the the Lord seemed to kinda wash, over that, and he worked in. And it was probably 2 months after we got married, we went through an evangelism explosion course at Christian Missionary Alliance on the north side of Pittsburgh. Rock Dillaman was the brand new pastor down there, and we went through that. And I think it was at the banquet that said that the Lord rolled out a scroll, like a sin scroll. You know? And that was that's where the gospel became real to her, and the Lord kinda moved beyond that. But we both walked into marriage with very different backgrounds, very different parental. My parents had divorced at age when I was 28 years old.

Before I came to Christ, we had to move my mom to Pittsburgh after the day divorce. And so it we had no real sense what was marriage. You know? What what what why were we married getting married? What were we going through? And so that's sort of the subject of today's lesson, which was marriage, understanding the the role of marriage. So what I did is I put on there, from the very beginning, if we could stand and read the Genesis passage together, that would be great. Okay. Let's all read this together. Then the Lord God said, it's not good what he demands of the alarm. I will make him an offer suitable for him.

Out of the ground, the lord god formed a new beast of the the field, and we burned at the sky, and brought them to the band to see what he would call. And whatever the name fall to the creature, that was his name. And the man gave Vance saw the cat, and saw the urge of the sky, every inch of the field, of him that was not found a helper suitable for him. So the lord god caused to easily to fall upon a man, and he's left. And I think the the black of that place. The lord god to a woman, which he had taken

from the

man. He brought her to the man. He said, this is not holding my bones and flesh in my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out man. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his mother and be drawn to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. The word of the Lord. Thanks be to God. So take a minute.

Right now, what do you see? What do you see in there about marriage? Sometimes the hardest part is to just wipe out what you think and just start it fresh and just say, okay. So did you go out through here? What do you see about marriage? Go write write them down, then we'll share. What do you see? Ordained by God. So ordained by God.

K? You can't say this, but man and woman. Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.

Right. K. Gross.

Not good for man to be alone.

Not good for man to be alone. I have a picture, and when I when I talk to my coaching stuff, I have a couple of videos. And one of them is a guy, man, with a chainsaw. He's got it turned back this way, and he's about to start it. So I said, when men think on their own, it's never good. Not good for man to be for man to be alone. Interesting. That's where we start.

Not good for man to be alone. K? What else?

Okay. So man was pleased for that suitable help.

Man was pleased. So he said 2 things. Man was pleased.

Mhmm. Now there was

a helper helper.

It was a helper that was?

May have just or

him. Was suitable or made just for him. K? Who else?

If it

was a join, we would come wrong. Joining would become wrong flesh.

The animals were made from the ground,

and the woman was made from man.

Animals came from the ground, and the woman came from man. Well, were you gonna say yes now? What's that?

Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. I was just talking about the unity because

as you

do become one flesh, your thinking and decisions and everything else, it comes as a one as one flesh.

Unity, one flesh. Yes. Okay.

Leaving of father and mother.

Leaving My father and mother.

And then you have to cleave to your spouse.

Cleaving. Cleaving. Cleaving to spouse. K? Anything else?

Bart?

Yes.

Well, I when Martha was saying about, you you know, leaving the mother and father and and becoming one with your wife, it's also for as parents and in laws that we need to sort of keep out of things. You know?

And let

them be have their marriage. I mean, not that they can't come for advice, but I think it's important that they they talk to each other, not not necessarily for at first, and not run the parents. Mhmm.

What's that? They help one another. They help one another. They help one another. They help When an interest paid bank, this was before the fall. Things change in the fall? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I think one one of the most important things is the impact of fall, of course. So we see this is ordained by God, which means it's his his yes. Well, it's just his, which means it's his plan, his picture, his will, his design, and his. Right? The the most important thing is, it's his. Right? Which means if it's yours and you're the creator of it, then it's your you've got the one who has a clear picture of what that is. And I think for for us when we got married, you know, what was the picture? Because you come in with all sorts of things.

So I put on there think about it. How did your parents' marriage impact your growing up years and your thought about marriage? How did your parents impact? Anybody had, a divorce during, child view, like, 1 through 10? Parents. Right? How about teenage? Divorce during teenage. I was in the twenties. Right? So raise your hand if your parents divorced in here. Raise your hand if your parents so only 3 out of okay. Interesting. 3 out of the folks here.

So, how did that impact your growing up years, which would be the, you know, the health and the vitality of your parents' marriage? How did how would you say it impacted your growing up? Yes.

Give me a view of what to expect when I got married.

Okay. Was that good? No. Okay. Well, no, that's fine. Right? Not no. Right? Right. My parents never argued. I never saw them argue.

And so 28 years, they divorced. And I thought the first time we argued, something's wrong. This is broken. Like, you shouldn't argue. You shouldn't have to argue. Why are you arguing? I never saw my parents argue. Never saw how to have constructive conflict. Never had a real picture of what is what happens when 2 people come together.

Anybody else? How how would you think that your parents' marriage impact your growing up years? I mean, when we grew up, we watched father knows Beth. Beth. Right? Yes. Hazel and whatnot. Well, here is the US marriage rate in the 19 eighties, 10.6 per 1,000, 8.4 per 1,000, and the 2,000 is 8.2, and 2020 and beyond 6.1. So what's happening to the number of marriages?

It's just

I see. So why do you think less people are getting married?

They've seen less good examples in there.

They've seen less good examples. Right? Yes. So less less good examples. So there's a sense that if you call them out of fashion, it's old fashioned. What what would your mom used to say? Why buy the cow? Right?

Get the

milk for free. If you can get the milk for free. You have to think about that one for a minute. But but cleanse old time. Why buy the cow? Right? If you get the bill for free. Right? So I make the commitment if I don't have to make the commitment. Right? Why else? No more shame. Right? Makes sense.

Trial to car before you buy 1. Right? That's that seems to be it. Right?

I think our children are also indoctrinated with that kind of, it's like why get married, free love, do on your own, that kind of stuff.

Yeah. For sure. So it's not a value anymore. We would see from a societal standpoint, it is not a value. And, therefore, it is not valued. Right? It's not a societal value. Therefore, it's not valued anymore. Right? And, again so, if you go back here, who's designed into this? Okay.

If it's his design, what does that also tell you? If it's at the core of his design right in the beginning, if you're his archenemy, what are you going to do? You're gonna attack his primary design. Right? Does that make sense? Right? If you were the enemy, you would go hard after his primary design. If this is the center block of society, then the enemy is gonna be shouldn't be surprised. We shouldn't be surprised. In fact, right, it's Wiley, and he is, he is knows he's no Scooby Doo. Right? And so he's going to attack God's core, right, core societal, relationship, which is family relationships. Right? Marriage and, we're gonna attack that. So we're gonna check out, Jay Warner's video, and then we'll talk a little bit about that.

Makes sense? Okay. So he says, if you, were not married, he said adopt a biblical worldview adopt a biblical worldview, and therefore, make a list before you get married. Right? Make a list, which would be well, it's look, you know, somebody who loves God, helps you draw near to God, and helps you become more godly. One of my business coaches, Darren Hardy, who's very disciplined, I would say is the right word, He sat down and he said, I'm gonna I write out a description of my ideal wife. He said, I ended up with 40 pages. What? 40 pages. Then he said, Am I the kind of guy that would attract that woman. So then he wrote down 40 pages of who he needed to become in order to attract that kind of woman.

Ain't that interesting? Yeah. So you make your list. Some of that it's 40 pages is not the issue. The fact is he said, here's who I'm looking for. And then he said, who do I need to be in order to attract that kind of woman? I think from a biblical standpoint, we have a great recipe on what's it mean, you know, what's a godly woman look like, and what's a godly man look like. The question is not who are they, but who am I?

Is he married?

Yes. He did. He said he said I found I found the the 40 pager. I found her, and she found me. Okay. So if he followed on the other side, he said, love your marriage more than your spouse. In other words, be dedicated to your marriage Be dedicated to your marriage. In the 1st year of our marriage, we went to marriage encounter, which is a, a a a Catholic weekend for people really that have been married for a while.

I think we were we were we were brand new, but it was really about communication. And it was it was very powerful weekend for us, and it set the tone for our marriage. And the one thing that God said to me is this is your mission. This is your mission. And that really set the priority for me. Otherwise, I had no sense of where it was in terms of priorities. Right? So, love your marriage. In other words, make a commitment more than just your spouse with the idea that the marriage, healthy marriage is part of it.

He said dump the contract and embrace the covenant. So covenants are based on trust. And today, we have a system of injustice, which is based upon distrust. And you have contracts because you don't trust. Right? Contracts are based on distrust. Covenant is based on limited responsibility where contracts are about limiting my liability. And then covenants cannot be broken. Contracts can be broken.

Contracts can be broken. So it's flipping the picture of a marriage from a contract to a covenant and therefore love without expectation. Not particularly easy? Or did we learn early on that marriage is like 2 ticks looking for a dog? Not a great picture. You gotta think about that one for a minute. In other words, right, the ticks are looking for what? What I get. Right? So you have 2 you have 2 people looking for what do I get out of this? What do I get out of this? Right?

I caught Nissan manipulative.

He ticks looking for a dog. And then he talked about how, marriage is a picture or he would say a metaphor. We learn about God by marriage because marriage is God's design, and therefore, we learn about the Godhead and the relationship of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. It's a picture. The husband, the wife, children, it's a picture of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. And marriage is a picture of the eternal unity, that would that exists just eternally in the godhead. And so in the old testament, it's a picture of God and his people in the new testament same way it's Jesus in the church. Or it's a picture of Jesus and the church that marriage is.

Right? Once he say, why is it be subject to your husband and death to the lord for the husband is the head of the wife. Where as Christ is also the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. And, of course, at the end of time, we will all rejoice and give glory to God because we will all we we will all be a part of the marriage of the land. Marriage of the land. So marriage is a, is a symbol, a metaphor, and a picture that comes out of the nature and the character of God and his relationship with the son and the spirit. Let's rejoice and be glad. Well, how's it working in reality? So 41% of 1st marriages end in divorce, 60% of second marriages, and 73% of third marriages. You think second time around, give me another shot.

Right? Give me another shot. I got I I would think. Right? So I I didn't do it the first time. Let's try it again. No. It gets worse. I mean, literally, 50% more divorces in the second marriage. So here are the five things that are listed as the reason divorce occurs.

In in incompatibility and substance abuse. So what do you think are inside of those 3?

Infidelity. Infidelity.

Yes. Under incompatibility. Right? So adultery. Scripture deals with adultery.

Financial. Finances.

Yep. Finances and communication. Right? Lack of communication. So Andre and Lily came to visit us, and we're sitting around our kitchen table. And I've known Andre since 94, and he married Lily. She's a doctorate in communication. Andre speaks English very well. Right? Very well.

You notice if you travel around, there are kinda different levels of, you know, kind of broke people who can speak broken, the language broken, people who can speak the language really well, and then there are rarity of language really well and can speak with the colloquialisms. Right? As if if they know the terms of the day. Really hard to do in the language unless you're immersed kind of in that culture. And so we're sharing something, and they heard the word, the concept, but they had a different view. And I thought, oh, this is really instructive because here are Beth you know, when I think about our relationship, men are from Venus and women are from Mars. I don't know if it's the same. Yeah. So it's men are from whatever.

We're all from different planets. Right? So even though we speak English, we have very different, language patterns, and we we, you know, we think differently and eve even after all of years. So part of it is if you don't learn to communicate, then you got problems. Right? So what are the issues do you think that are putting the most pressure on marriage today? What do you think? Fine. Yep. Fine. Lots of stuff. Right? Diversions.

Right? Could be time.

And realistic expectations.

Unrealistic expectations, certainly one of them.

Selfishness.

Selfishness. All about me. Why shouldn't it be? Maybe going back to, decision 1, worldview. So they they come, like, totally 2 different worldviews. So different world views. Right? Certainly, Christian and non Christian would be the case. Right? You know, you know, we do. We know Christians who married non non Christians, and that's a challenging marriage is challenging enough with 2 Christians.

It's very challenging with with Christian, non Christian. But even within 2 Christians can marry and have different worldviews. Right? Very you can have, you know, at at different commitment levels, all of that stuff. Yeah.

Even social media going back to expectations, there's so much, you know, to make you feel discontent with with your what you have.

Oh, social media.

Better over there.

Yeah. That's my favorite line. Distance distant ships hold every man's dreams. Distant ships. Right? Or growing up, you'd say the grass is always greener over there. Right? So, yeah, which we would understand. So Christians, 38% who attend so this isn't just just proclaim they're Christian. This would be according to the gospel coalition, attend church regularly and actively practice.

So this would be evangelical, 48% divorce. What's what is it out in the world? 1%. 41%. Is it different? It's basically the same. Yeah. There is a

big difference, though. If you pray with your spouse daily, the rewards will be 1%. What does that tell you?

That only 1%, grade heavy. No. I see.

But no.

You're right.

That it also that's good. Yeah. There are are in that verified group where they're communicating, but then in your below together with the Lord each day, that changes your worldview, and it makes you more god centered. And it also means that you're on the same page with your spouse. Mhmm. And that changes everything.

That's good. That's good. Because we're gonna talk about what are some of the things that I'm gonna add to that.

We we were

in your small room 30 years ago, and you taught us to pray together. Pray for our spouse as god's perfect and plan. And it makes you realize that God had realized that spouse for you before time began. And I will say that it made a world shift for us in our relationship together.

Cool. Cool. That's very good. That's very good. So why is the divorce rate among Christians effectively the same as the world? What do you think? Christians are still people. Christians are still people. Right? We're broke we're still broken. Right? We're we're we're 2 saved tics looking for a dog.

Yeah. No. I talk about.

Right? I mean, that's true. Right?

They're not actively practicing. They're not doing what you were just

done with. That's part of the

Mhmm. Or they've not taken the time to really establish their worldview.

They've taken the time to establish the worldview. Right?

Well the commitment model too. Yeah. I remember.

I think this was the I learned this from our table today. We can't remember that divorce is not that word divorce is not in your category. They if if it if it ever comes in into my mind, it's gone. Take it away. It's. Then you're stuck with the situation to figure out.

Well, it so that's a good point. Right? So, forget her first name. It's called law. She said, in the middle, everything looks like a failure. In the middle of anything you do, it looks like a failure. Right? So things start easy, new skill, new whatever, new project, and in the middle, it gets gets hard. It just gets hard. If in the middle, right, you can you haven't burned the ships, if you will.

If divorce is an option, then it's easy to say, why don't I just go back right? Go back or pay it. Right?

I mean, you can size about it.

It gets bigger. They get your mind. I mean, that's way back, way back, way back. I didn't do.

Oh, yeah. Of course, you do. Does this make sense? Did I make a wrong decision? I mean, all of that. If it's an option, then you explore the option, which actually feels good. Right? Why don't I get out of the pressure? Right? Certainly. So having that option there. Right?

That's his point because I I find he bought the book, and he started with this chapter. That's his point with love your marriage more than your spouse. So in those times where you maybe like you love your spouse, but you don't really like them all that much and you're in a tough time, stay committed. But I had also heard a a a statistic that couples who are really in a rough patch, if they will hang in there, I think it was, like, 87%, 2 years later reports that their marriage is back on track. But if you bail

So Tim Keller has a great book called the meaning of marriage. I don't know if anybody's read it. It's a it's a written No. No.

I just finished it.

Did you come there? Together.

Our daily devotions.

We just finished it.

No. To read what Chris said, the actual rate for couples who do a daily devotion is 1 out of 1152. The closest divorce rate to that are Orthodox Jewish couples in arranged marriages. So if you don't wanna take the time to spend every day praying with your spouse, you could move to Squirrel Hill. We're Hebrew. Go through a long thing about becoming Jewish. Free rabbis have to take you through a a big, long course, and then you'll have to move your house there because you have to go to, you know, on Saturday to get fraud, all those things. So it might be easier to just do that deal.

I love that. So he said, I here are 5 principles that I got the book. It's the marriage is a reflection of the gospel. Marriage is a reflection of the gospel. In other words, it mirrors the relationship between Christ and the church. So in our marriage, we are claiming the gospel in our commitment to marriage. Secondly, it's a covenant relationship. Of course, it mirrors god's covenant with his people.

So we're in covenant relationship with each other mirroring God's covenant with his people. The purpose, which is not just for me, is to help each other grow in holiness and become the people God intends them to be, which is always, challenging. We're not there for each other's happiness always, but for each other's holiness. He said friendship in marriage, very important that you develop an understanding that you're you are to be deep you're best friends, right, to have to have a a a a soul deep friendships. So deep friendship the important of deep friendship in marriage. And lastly, the sexual intimacy is the sign of covenant renewal. Sexual in intimacy is a sign of covenant renewal, why it's key in there. So bring a purpose than just for me to have life easier and better, which is always hard to remember.

Right? Because I wake up, and I'm the center of my universe no matter what has said. Right? So we have to deal with that. Right? I must be the center of all things. So in your experience, we talked about so what's been most helpful? So praying one thing that I learned early on, I pray, thank God that your spouse is the perfect provision. That doesn't mean they're perfect. It means they're they're God's perfect provision for you. It's often his most, useful tool to help, shape you. That's a hard thought, isn't it? But they are your perfect provision.

So to pray the Lord bless them and thank the Lord that they're the provision. Pray together daily. Right?

So that's some some scripture that I wish not in my bible. You know, it's 1st Peter 37 for guys and 1st Peter 31 and 2.

Yeah. So in the same way, right, 1st Peter 37, in the same way for husbands, live with your wife in an understanding way, and it points back 1st Peter 2 where it says, get power or you're in trouble. Yes. In the same way as as, and the the biggest one there is while being reviled, you did not revile in return. Now when I'm reviled, I'm really good at reviling in return. In fact, even when I'm not reviled, I can revile in return.

Thanks for listening. I hope you have greater hope, assurance, and confidence in your life and a deeper trust in the God of the bible and his son, Jesus Christ. Until next time. May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. And may the lord lift up his countenance on you and give you his peace, his shalom in your soul and in your life. Until next time, may God bless you and keep you.