How do you ask questions? Do you thoughtfully consider what you are hearing and take a moment to formulate your query? Or are you more reactive, saying what pops in to your mind upon hearing someone say something that stimulates you?
Framing a question in a particular manner can make the difference between inviting a conversation or causing a defensive reaction. Again, the consciousness required in an emotionally intelligent individual allows for improved and more harmonious relationships. We all prefer that, so it is on us to learn how we can be better, do better in our listening and in how we respond so we can have and enjoy peaceful, positive relationships with others.
Consider the idea that a "why" question tends to sound confrontational, while a re-framing of the same question using a how or what can open the door to an open-minded invitation for better understanding on both sides.