Join Laura and Xhafer, two internet strangers as they get to know each other while making jokes about one of their favorite TV shows from their childhood, Babylon 5.

Ben returns from the high seas just in time for a very special episode of Crusade. The HR nightmare on the Excalibur continues as the crew learns about the appropriate use of work computers in Crusade: Episode 11 - The Needs of Earth.

Hello and welcome to Who Are You?

2

This is a podcast where three internet

strangers, now friends, review Crusade?

3

Xhafer: I'm Jafar

4

Laura: I'm Laura.

5

Ben: And I am Ben.

6

Laura: I'm so used to Ben being second.

7

I forgot to do the thing.

8

Xhafer: I, I'm literally coming from

a last time on recording session right

9

before this and it was so awkward to

do the intro and just like, wait a

10

second for Ben to not say his name.

11

Ben: Because I wasn't there.

12

Laura: Yeah.

13

RSVP Ben.

14

Xhafer: But yeah, Crusade.

15

We're here to talk about needs of earth.

16

But before we do that.

17

Ben, we do have a question for you.

18

Ben: Yes, you do.

19

Xhafer: Where are you going?

20

Ben: I'm going to tell you guys right now.

21

It is really, really hard for

me, being who I am, to not start

22

singing by my side from Godspell.

23

Where

24

Laura: you should just do that.

25

Ben: Where are you going?

26

Won't you take me with you for?

27

My hand is called and needs warmth.

28

Where are you

29

Xhafer: no, no, that's, we're,

Ben, Ben, you got the point across.

30

Ben: I, I'm gonna sing the whole song.

31

J Fair

32

Xhafer: And we'll put

it after the credits.

33

Ben: Commitment to the bit?

34

No.

35

So, I, I wish uh, you guys had had me on.

36

for the long road,

37

because I would have had a

much more interesting answer.

38

Xhafer: Well, give us that answer,

because you're coming to STLV with us.

39

In the episodes that haven't aired

that you haven't been able to listen

40

to, we've been talking about it.

41

Everyone's sick of us talking about it.

42

So, instead of telling us where

you're going, why don't you tell

43

us where you just came from?

44

Ben: So, I was fortunate.

45

My parents, my dad especially, has dreamed

of going on a family trip to Ireland.

46

And so, my wife, my son, my father,

and my mother, we all went on a 12

47

day cruise around the British Isles.

48

which was a lot of fun.

49

Uh, Yeah, one stop in France.

50

We didn't actually get off the

51

Laura: don't think the British

want to acknowledge that though,

52

Xhafer: Heheheheh.

53

Laura: Nice.

54

Ben: Sorry, which king do we start

the, the lineage of English kings from?

55

William?

56

William the Conqueror?

57

What did he conquer?

58

Where did he come from?

59

France.

60

Xhafer: Heheheheh.

61

Ben: What, what people ruled England?

62

The Anglo Saxons, of course.

63

The Angles?

64

The Saxons?

65

Who did they conquer?

66

And where did they come from?

67

France and Denmark.

68

Laura: Yeah, yeah.

69

So it was really self

loathing the whole time.

70

Ben: it's the uh, I always forget this

term, the narcissism of small differences.

71

Xhafer: Mm.

72

Ben: Yes uh, but didn't actually

get off the boat in France because,

73

and I didn't know it at the time,

I was coming down with something.

74

And that was COVID.

75

Caught COVID on the cruise ship.

76

That is not surprising for all of the

coughing and people in their 60s who

77

never learned how to vampire cough.

78

Just walking around

coughing on everything.

79

I've

80

Laura: heard it called vampire cough,

but Ben's like illustration of coughing

81

into his elbow, like he is a vampire

pulling a cape uh, really sold it for me.

82

So if you didn't know

that term, now you do.

83

Ben: hide my germs in

the crook of my elbow.

84

Yeah, so, uh, got to go to Ireland,

got to go to Scotland, my wife and

85

I may have already done a lot of

looking into what it takes to emigrate

86

Xhafer: Yeah, and he's not the

only one, so, we'll see, we'll see,

87

I don't know, the, the, Europe's

looking pretty nice right about now.

88

Ben: I'm, I'm not gonna lie,

I'm feeling pretty good all

89

things considered today but,

90

uh, that's just me anywho, yeah,

so we just did that big, uh, trip,

91

You know, some people love cruises.

92

my problem is they're kind of like

an undersized sampler platter.

93

Like when you get the appetizer

plate and it's got one onion ring

94

and you're like, this isn't enough.

95

I know I didn't want a whole bowl

of onion rings or a basket of onion

96

rings, but I wanted at least three.

97

You gave me one and one buffalo wing

and one mozzarella stick because you

98

are in each city for just a few hours.

99

And so, like, we were in Edinburgh,

had tickets to go see Edinburgh

100

Castle, which is gorgeous.

101

It's amazing.

102

It is up on this beautiful hill.

103

My wife was sick with COVID

and could not make the way up.

104

Uh, We didn't know it at the time.

105

And my son was, you know, he's five.

106

And so he's like, my little legs are

tired and I don't want to go up there.

107

And I'm like, I've got about

four hours left in Edinburgh.

108

I want to get up to the top of this

hill, and so I pick my 75 pound son up,

109

put him on my shoulders, and I empower

walking up to this castle, which is up.

110

It is up on a bluff, on a cliff

111

Xhafer: On Royal Mile,

which is aptly named.

112

Ben: Uh, And so, I was I was tired,

but uh, it's the sort of thing

113

where it's like, you can't just

say, I'll check it out tomorrow.

114

Um, and so, I got to go to a lot of

really, really cool places, but I also,

115

like, didn't get to, like, do what I like

to do, which is, like, you know, taking an

116

ice core of, of each place I go to, where

I'm like, I'm drilling as deep as this

117

will go, and I'm going to, like, fifth

and sixth museum in this place, because

118

that's where you get the weird stuff where

it's just like, and here's some funny

119

story about some doctor from 19 oh, six.

120

And I'm like, awesome.

121

Tell me about the guy who invented

the, you know, how to Lance a

122

boil or whatever it is, you know,

uh, let me, let me dig in deep.

123

Xhafer: You gotta learn where the spittin

stone is so that you can spit on it.

124

Ben: Uh, While we were in Orkney We

were supposed to go, there is a thing

125

called the Ring of Brogdar, which is

sort of like, uh, Stonehenge, it's

126

5, 000 years old, standing stones.

127

Our tour got cancelled so

we weren't able to do that.

128

And so we just ended up

wandering around the city.

129

This this town in, in

on the Orkney Islands.

130

And I had, you know, a

ton of fun doing that.

131

Oh, hey, I got to, you know, visit

some old destroyed palaces, one of

132

which belonged to Patrick Stewart.

133

Not that Patrick Stewart.

134

Um, And got to find just

by going through St.

135

Magnus Cathedral, I find the gravestone of

the guy who found the Franklin Expedition.

136

You know, which is cool for me as somebody

who, like, loves Northwest Passage stuff.

137

Which I wouldn't have seen if

I just went on the, the tour.

138

And so, I like going to a

place and like, digging deep.

139

Hey, what's, you know, what am I

going to find on my fifth day in town?

140

That said, it was still really

cool that I got to see, ten

141

different really cool places.

142

Xhafer: Can you guys hear that?

143

Laura: What are you hearing, Ja'far?

144

Xhafer: In the background?

145

Can you hear the TV in the background?

146

Ben: Why uh, Beth watching Smut?

147

Xhafer: Uh, no, that's,

that's us actually.

148

Laura: You're still trying

for that segue, aren't

149

Ben: doing my best.

150

You guys sent me the episode that

starts with Lumberg watching porn.

151

Xhafer: I, I had not, I never

saw this episode before,

152

Ben.

153

It was the one that had the

space when you were back.

154

So it's the one that you got.

155

Ben: Mmhmm.

156

Mmhmm.

157

Xhafer: but it, but it is random.

158

Random happenstance, I promise.

159

Laura: Tell us which episode this

is, Ja'far, before we get too far.

160

Xhafer: that we happen to be watching

uh, Crusade, uh, The Needs of Earth.

161

Laura: So I watch this

with closed captions, guys.

162

I think I've mentioned that before,

you know, cause I have auditory

163

processing difficulties sometimes.

164

And the closed captions, when you boot

up this episode, immediately start

165

with the words, cheesy music plays and

166

boy.

167

Ben: I have some comments about

the music in this episode.

168

I don't know, it's, it's interesting.

169

Xhafer: I have a bit that requires

me to apologize to Aaron now because

170

of the music in this episode.

171

Laura: Oh no.

172

Usually you apologize at the end.

173

Xhafer: but don't worry, we'll get there.

174

Um, yeah, so it's just cheesy

music playing as Captain Gideon

175

is totally just watching porn

at work, just casually, as Dr.

176

Chamber walks in as summoned.

177

Where

178

the fuck is Excalibur's HR department?

179

Laura: she has a surprisingly chill

reaction to being summoned to her boss's

180

office while he's in uniform sippin

from his Stanley and watching porn.

181

Xhafer: On the big screen!

182

Ben: Yep.

183

Laura: Wow.

184

Xhafer: on his phone!

185

Ben: Yep.

186

And then he reveals, Hey,

don't worry, it's not my porn.

187

And, for me, that feels worse.

188

Like,

189

Xhafer: This is your other

co worker's pornography I'm

190

forcing you to watch right now.

191

Ben: It's okay, we don't like him.

192

And

193

Laura: yeah.

194

There's nothing hostile work

environment going on on the Excalibur at

195

Xhafer: you imagine this happening to you?

196

Can you imagine your boss summoning you

to their office to find them watching

197

pornography and they say, don't worry,

it's this person that I know you hates?

198

Laura: Yeah, nope.

199

Can't imagine this.

200

Ben: Jaffer, I've got a question for you.

201

As somebody who's done a lot of

uh, Uh, sailing the high seas

202

Have you ever handed somebody

the wrong flash drive?

203

Xhafer: No.

204

Ben: Okay.

205

So, Well,

206

Xhafer: fuck up mistake.

207

Why would you commit that?

208

I mean, one, you'd never hand someone

a flash drive if you don't know for

209

absolutely certain what's on it.

210

Laura: mm hmm.

211

Xhafer: Two, those are not the kinds

of materials you would store, why

212

would you keep that on a flash drive?

213

Why would you keep that on a flash drive?

214

Knowing that it is mobile storage medium.

215

Ben: you're on a spaceship, so Your

only Your only computer is your

216

Laura: No.

217

Yeah,

218

Ben: If you've never made this

mistake having, like, Supplied

219

illegally downloaded BBC

shows for people for 20 years.

220

Xhafer: I deny that comment.

221

Ben: How like this, this

is just a rookie mistake.

222

Xhafer: Yeah.

223

Laura: So, not only does he watch porn

on, you know, on his work devices,

224

our colleague Eilerson, he's also

watching the really weird stuff.

225

Xhafer: Yeah.

226

Uh, Snow White and the Seven Narn?

227

That's a choice.

228

Laura: It was the

229

pockmaraw

230

that really did it for me.

231

Ben: Yeah.

232

Which Chambers is just Like,

233

you can't do this.

234

They're not, you're not compatible.

235

Oh god, the tentacles!

236

Laura: no, we're not here

to yuck anybody's yums,

237

Ben: Oh, no, I'm okay with it.

238

At work.

239

Yum yucked.

240

Xhafer: Oh god, what the

actual fuck, Crusade?

241

Like, I know that this is all a,

Oh, this is the recorded VHS tape

242

and you left something on there you

shouldn't have because you recorded

243

something else on top of it gag, right?

244

This, this has not made sense for

storage mediums in a long time.

245

And even then, how is

a crystal rewritable?

246

I would think a crystal would be right

one time only kind of storage medium.

247

Laura: Yeah, I know

you're getting nitpicky.

248

Xhafer: That's fair.

249

Laura: Oh man, yeah,

250

Ben: this just feels like JMS is just

telling the writers room, This one

251

time Harlan Ellison sent me a VHS tape.

252

Laura: Oh, good point.

253

Is this a dig at somebody on purpose?

254

I want it

255

Ben: this just he's telling a story

not realizing, No, this is horrifying.

256

Laura: Yeah.

257

Xhafer: Either or.

258

Laura: I wrote down that I really

hope this is the whole bee story,

259

and it was not the whole bee story,

but it did come up more, which

260

Ben: It was at least the sea

261

Laura: that.

262

Xhafer: Yeah.

263

I think it's safe to

call it the D story, Ben.

264

Laura: Ah, yeah.

265

Yep.

266

Xhafer: the, the D story.

267

Laura: Yeah.

268

Yeah,

269

We

270

Xhafer: Anyways.

271

Yep.

272

Okay.

273

They meet up with the Mimbari captain.

274

And, did you see the

M'Bari captain's ship?

275

Am I crazy or was this another

destroyer of the same class?

276

Laura: Oh, Aaron had this

moment too, and we rewound it.

277

Or, you know, whatever you do

these days, you don't rewind.

278

But yeah, we scrubbed back, and It was

just some weird, bad edit, Aaron said.

279

Because it looks like there's actually a

white star that they come from, I think.

280

Yeah, but there was a weird,

bad edit where Aaron went,

281

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

282

Xhafer: Yeah.

283

I was like, what the fuck?

284

Laura: Nope, I know exactly

what you're talking about.

285

Xhafer: M'Bari captain has some

information that will help Earth.

286

But it's gonna involve breaking

a bunch of laws and the rangers

287

just can't do that shit.

288

And Gideon's like, he's like, are you,

are you willing to cross this line?

289

And he's like, I just watched a

Pac Man or a fuck a human woman.

290

Like there is no line I won't cross.

291

Laura: I compared him to Stringfellow

Hawk again at this point, because

292

he says, I've been alone before.

293

And he's just really hitting

those, those buttons hard.

294

Ben: Are you willing to cross this line?

295

That is all my Earth Force

HR folder says about me.

296

Xhafer: You know, I'm down

for anything to theme.

297

Yeah.

298

Ben: but yeah, this is very much uh,

if you are caught or captured, the

299

secretary will disavow all knowledge.

300

This tape will self

destruct in three seconds.

301

Xhafer: After theme, Max tries to get

his porn back, but Gideon keeps his

302

tax documents folder in his pocket.

303

Ben: Conspicuously in

his hand the whole time.

304

Laura: oh my god, I

didn't catch that part.

305

That's hilarious.

306

Yeah, Eylerson has a whole story

about, oh, you know, I think it's

307

gotten corrupted and I'd hate to

corrupt your whole system, so, give

308

me that one back and I'll just rewrite

my shit on a different crystal.

309

Xhafer: Just give me

that one back, please.

310

Please.

311

Please.

312

Please.

313

Please.

314

Please.

315

It's so important.

316

It's so important you

gave me that crystal back.

317

He's like, nah, we'll talk about it

after your monthly performance review.

318

Laura: You know what would have

bumped us up to C Story is if there

319

had been a reckoning at the end where

we bring it back up one more time.

320

I just needed it one more time.

321

We kind of drop it in the

middle and forget about it.

322

It's just so disappointing.

323

Yeah.

324

No, we need Eilerson coming and

asking for it back again or something.

325

You know, like we need, we

need it to come back up.

326

Xhafer: Yeah.

327

We learned that the Mimbari captain

the information he gave over was a

328

Maradi is on the run with hundreds

of years of highly compressed data on

329

a handful of crystals that for some

reason might aid in their search.

330

Laura: Mmm,

331

Ben: this did, like, this is where

I started to lose this episode.

332

Xhafer: It's, it's real

thin, real thin premise.

333

Laura: yeah.

334

Ben: yeah.

335

Xhafer: Max is all like,

this isn't worth it.

336

Doreen is all like, you're a coward.

337

But none of this matters

because the captain says so.

338

Laura: Yeah, I like how Eilerson tries

to say, we don't need to do this,

339

and Gideon's like, did you

think this ship was a democracy?

340

Like, why do I care what you think?

341

Ben: So, having only been able to hear the

first two episodes of your guys coverage

342

and now jumping in, who is Eilerson?

343

Laura: Oh, he's the worst.

344

That's who Eilerson is.

345

Xhafer: He was in the pilot, he

was the archaeologist in the pilot.

346

Um, you have not missed a ton of

character development for him.

347

He had some, but it doesn't feel

like it was particularly remembered.

348

Um, yeah.

349

Laura: not developed.

350

He's just a big jerk.

351

In one of the episodes we just

discussed, like, he makes a stupid

352

decision in leadership of his team

that gets people killed, and it just

353

doesn't seem to be acknowledged at all.

354

Xhafer: Yeah.

355

He's just kind of like

there to be a douchebag.

356

Laura: Yeah.

357

Oh, and he insulted Darina by talking

about her profession as the second

358

oldest profession comparing her to only

the other, you know, female dominated

359

oldest profession that is often looked

360

down upon.

361

Xhafer: He's farming, yeah.

362

Laura: Yeah.

363

Xhafer: it, Ben.

364

Everyone looks down on farmers.

365

So, the Excalibur arrives at

Praxis just as it explodes.

366

Matheson briefs Gideon on

how to break into this dome.

367

Dorino volunteers, and he fights us

for like 30 seconds before realizing

368

that's the entire reason she's there.

369

It's like, oh yeah, maybe he should come.

370

That would make sense.

371

They get into some Eva suits.

372

They get dropped off outside of

a big dome to avoid detection.

373

Darina Darina lets Gideon know

it's dangerous as they go anyways.

374

Uh, And she hints at

something in her past before.

375

I wonder if that will come up later.

376

Ben: and this, this whole

chunk really bugged me.

377

Because it is a four minute chunk

of the episode, one with no music.

378

There is no music in this, this

section of the, of the episode.

379

And two, they just land in a fog

machine and talk about how, okay,

380

we're six miles away from the city.

381

Oh, this is as close as we got

last time before everyone died.

382

And then, okay, well, we're almost there.

383

So let's just sit down and rest.

384

Actually, I don't feel like resting.

385

Now we're at the door and it was

just like, If this was any other

386

sci fi, like, we would have gotten,

like, trudging you know, like,

387

Laura: Montage.

388

Ben: montages of movement you know,

uh, Wesley noticing that the, the crazy

389

freighter captain is drinking booze

uh, as they wander through the desert

390

Xhafer: Michelle Yeoh saying,

Oh, these are our footprints.

391

We'd walked in a circle.

392

And then you, the space out.

393

It's, oh, it wasn't

quite a circle, was it?

394

Ben: no, uh, and uh, Then they

get there, and the difficulty

395

getting in takes about 30 seconds.

396

And so it just becomes this whole, like,

why did we waste these four minutes?

397

Laura: Yeah.

398

Ben: get a real Any, any danger

from the previous two scenes.

399

We got some cryptic Darina stuff.

400

But you could have gotten that as like,

they walked through a bazaar and she was

401

just like, Oh, I haven't been here since.

402

Since what?

403

I don't want to talk about it.

404

Well then why did you

say half of a sentence?

405

Ha

406

Laura: I have two beefs with this

scene that you haven't mentioned yet.

407

And my first beef with this scene that

you haven't mentioned is we talk on

408

the shuttle About we need to bring a

third EVA suit, and it doesn't look

409

like either of them is carrying anything

big enough to have an EVA suit in it.

410

Xhafer: Correct.

411

Laura: Beef number two is, you know,

there's a whole dramatic thing about

412

she's gotta take the gloves off to hit

the keypad because she's fat fingering

413

the combo and it's gonna lock her out.

414

Oh, Ja'far probably has a

password security rant about that.

415

Uh,

416

Ben: ha.

417

Laura: and uh, She takes off

her gloves and that compromises

418

the integrity of the whole suit.

419

And I'm like, that seems like

a design flaw in this day and

420

age.

421

Xhafer: Okay, so Correct.

422

I actually had a rant about that.

423

Because you can see that the

suit is sealed at her wrists

424

when they take those gloves off.

425

So her hands would have hypothetically

been exposed the entire time.

426

There's a little hiss noise,

I guess, for some reason.

427

But it's just like The suit is sealed

at the wrist, so it doesn't matter.

428

Your hands are exposed, which

isn't great, probably, but you

429

wouldn't be able to

430

Ben: you're

431

Xhafer: Yeah.

432

Laura: Or corrosive, something

corrosive in the atmosphere could

433

be bad, but still,

434

like, it shouldn't get in the whole

435

damn suit.

436

Xhafer: right?

437

Especially so quickly.

438

Laura: Uh Huh.

439

Xhafer: Given you're only exposed to

this much air, or whatever, right?

440

And also, why does she need

to take them both off to use

441

one hand to press the keypad?

442

Ben: Because she is using

two hands as she just

443

Xhafer: She's pressing

enter with the other one.

444

It's literally just the one button

she presses with her left hand.

445

Yeah, but I think, I think we've

covered all the problems with that

446

Laura: Yeah, Yeah, Well, we

didn't talk about the passwords.

447

I think that she said that they were

like the password she knew from the

448

last time she was there or something.

449

And I

450

Xhafer: When she was nine, we find out,

451

the passwords from 20 to 30

years ago haven't been changed.

452

That actually seems accurate.

453

If you don't make people change

them, they won't for that long.

454

Laura: That's fucking true.

455

Ben: you, most, uh,

456

retail stores you go into, the

password is the store number.

457

Xhafer: Yeah.

458

Or, or admin.

459

Laura: 5.

460

, Xhafer: So, uh, Gideon needs to

make a distraction here as we

461

find out we're in a slave market.

462

Laura: Yeah.

463

Xhafer: And, uh, he decides to

pick a fight with a Rhino kin.

464

I don't know what these people are called,

but he looked like a Rhino nausican.

465

So, I'm going

466

with Rhino

467

Laura: Yeah.

468

Ben: He looks like he's about

to pick a fight with Spider Man.

469

Xhafer: yeah, for sure.

470

Gideon starts his fight so Doreena

can do what she needs to do.

471

And Doreena finds the, like,

thieves can't secret passage thing.

472

And someone notices

her finding that thing.

473

Who looks super familiar to me, but

I couldn't find him in the credits.

474

Ben: Well, because he has no

lines, he's just a cowboy thief,

475

as Gideon is getting first

thrown through a table, and then

476

Kurt angled through a window.

477

Laura: this was so confusing because

the way she's like having looks

478

with Cowboy Thief, we thought at

first that he was like the slave

479

trader who sold her or something.

480

Ben: That was the vibe I got as well.

481

Laura: Yeah, and then I think maybe she

was actually like standing by the thieves

482

guild symbol or something and that kind

of summoned him or maybe she she did

483

this symbol herself like she was trying

to get him his assistants, but it was so

484

unclear what was happening we thought that

this guy was about to get his ass beat.

485

Xhafer: Yeah.

486

When he shows up, they're like, As

thieves, we're trained to look where

487

the other people aren't looking.

488

And so when the fight broke out,

he saw me doing other stuff because

489

he knew it was a distraction.

490

It's all like Maybe he was

just looking around the room.

491

Laura: Yeah.

492

Ben: He saw a girl by Glowy Circle.

493

That's weird.

494

Xhafer: Yeah, but nope, it means

he's a member of the Thieves Guild.

495

Laura: Yeah.

496

Okay.

497

Xhafer: so he helps them out and then

never says anything and just vanishes.

498

Laura: Yeah.

499

Xhafer: So important to the plot, guys.

500

Laura: And I'm not sure, so we're in

the like, thieves guild secret hallway

501

it seems like, and we come upon this

table of guys playing poker and we

502

need to just get them out of the way.

503

Are they the guards or something?

504

I'm,

505

Ben: I guess these are the

bounty hunters, but why do the

506

bounty hunters also have slaves?

507

Laura: Oh, well, you

gotta have a side gig.

508

Everybody needs a hustle.

509

Ben: Ah, no.

510

Hustle culture makes it to 22 whatever.

511

Laura: Yeah, I mean, remember that Babylon

5 had, like, not the utopia of Star Trek.

512

So, a lot of bad shit made it through.

513

Ben: Yeah.

514

Xhafer: and Darina needs

another distraction here so

515

they can go grab Nub Nub.

516

Laura: Here it comes.

517

Xhafer: Yep, so they put Max's

porn stash on the TV in the other

518

room, and it immediately pulls

all the bounty hunters away.

519

That uh, that Pac Maras milkshake

really brought all the boys to the yard.

520

Laura: I just, I, I don't

know why we would do this.

521

I don't know why we would

all get up to go see.

522

And it's like porn on four TVs.

523

It's not just

524

Xhafer: Right?

525

Well, all the screens in

this show are like 8 inch TVs

526

because of the production value.

527

So they really just gotta all get

up there to see what's going on.

528

Laura: That's true.

529

Yeah,

530

we can't see from this far

531

Xhafer: Fidelity.

532

Yeah, it's not great.

533

This is not HDTV over here.

534

Gideon grabs Nathak as Doreena

Frees, a bunch of the slaves.

535

We haven't gotten a good look at him

yet, but this is Tony and Mandala.

536

That's fun.

537

Laura: Oh.

538

Xhafer: Oh, he's in all kinds of stuff.

539

He's in the Star Wars games.

540

He's the Jedi Master who

leaves the messages behind.

541

Ben: Oh, he's uh, yeah.

542

Um, He's under a lot of makeup.

543

Xhafer: Yes.

544

Well, the voice is very distinct.

545

Ben: but he is all messed up, and

clutching his data crystals to his chest,

546

which, it's weird, they let him keep.

547

Xhafer: Yeah.

548

Laura: good point.

549

He was captured by bounty hunters.

550

Xhafer: Mm

551

Laura: Do they even really need him?

552

Like, keep the crystals.

553

Ben: this is, this is the second point of

incredulity I have with this whole setup.

554

We've got this actually kinda neat sci

fi setup where we have this planet,

555

four domed cities, biggest one is

the uh, capital with the spaceport,

556

only place you can land a spaceship.

557

Well then how do you get

to the other three cities?

558

Uh, But then we have, okay, we're

trying to escape, we've got this

559

beat up guy, send down the shuttle,

oh no, the Maraudee have jumped in.

560

And then No escape.

561

We don't see them getting picked up.

562

They're just landing back on Excalibur.

563

Laura: Yes, there's no

like exciting chase scene.

564

Ben: Yeah, we could have had an exciting

565

Xhafer: and it's six miles they

carried this dude through dangerous

566

desert that killed everyone last time.

567

Ben: Well, you don't even

have to go through the desert.

568

It could be we're running through the

bazaar and through this bar again.

569

And this time the guards chasing

us bump into the Rhinocican.

570

And he turns around and

starts fighting the guards.

571

And Gideon's like, ha ha,

they're getting messed up.

572

I know how that feels.

573

Ooh, still forgot a bruise.

574

you could have had some bits

here and reused the same set.

575

And, oh, when we open the door and

run outside, they don't have the

576

EVA suits and they can't follow us.

577

Uh, and that's how we got away.

578

You don't even have to

go back outside again.

579

Laura: Mm.

580

Yeah.

581

There was a lot of missed

opportunity for bits.

582

A lot of missed bits.

583

Ben: And for an episode that

feels so padded out, you

584

could have done some stuff.

585

You already had the four goons.

586

You

587

Xhafer: Yeah.

588

Ben: set.

589

Laura: Mm

590

Ben: I'm I'm meeting

you at your level, TNT.

591

I'm not saying like, alright, and then

we have 40 extras in a laser fight!

592

Laura: Although,

593

Xhafer: the pieces are

there of this puzzle.

594

Exactly.

595

Laura: So the attempt at exciting

chase is actually like, the Excalibur's

596

gonna go jump away and then they're

gonna get followed into hyperspace.

597

Yeah.

598

Xhafer: you're driving a Ducati though,

because they catch up in no time.

599

Laura: Yeah.

600

It's good, I like that.

601

Ben: this is, that was some good

wordplay, But this also is my

602

biggest problem with Babylon 5.

603

Is their complete, like,

the Maradi are nobody.

604

Laura: yeah,

605

Ben: even, like, they are not even

on the level of, like, the game or,

606

you know, the the Dilgar, they, they

are, we're not even on par to be in

607

the League of Non Aligned Planets,

608

Laura: Yeah, sure.

609

Ben: which maybe they're not because

they're these racist a holes,

610

but even then, If they're these

racist a holes, they're not as

611

big as, you know, the Mimbari, or

the Centauri, or the anybody else.

612

And the Excalibur should be

the biggest, baddest ship.

613

Okay,

614

Xhafer: Yeah.

615

Ben: the Drakkar are difficult because,

like, they're all shadow souped up.

616

But this should be like,

617

Laura: Mm

618

Ben: Hey, you're bringing your, you

619

I've got, you know, an aircraft carrier.

620

I understand, like, they bring a lot of

guys, but it's like, it doesn't matter.

621

Um, I can blow you up

from over the horizon.

622

Xhafer: The only thing that really

makes sense to me is that they

623

are technologically advanced.

624

They might be on par with a Mimbari.

625

And they're just so far fucking out.

626

that they have not interacted with anyone.

627

Like, it's not that they couldn't

qualify for a League of Non Aligned

628

Worlds, or even a council seat.

629

It's that they're in a different

part of the fucking galaxy, and the

630

Excalibur has just gone that far out.

631

Ben: which I could accept, if they had

done, like, Star Trek does and Hey, all

632

of this is happening in the alpha quadrant

and kind of into the beta quadrant and now

633

we're getting into other places but like

when we see back in Babylon 5 when Mr.

634

Morden is talking to Londo

about all right, and we're

635

gonna let The Centauri win.

636

We just want this chunk

of the galaxy here.

637

They're showing like hey

We know the whole galaxy

638

Laura: hmm.

639

Ben: We just want this,

like, middle third of it.

640

And that, you know, it is, it

is in a few instances shown that

641

enough of the galaxy is in play.

642

That there shouldn't be a

Big, you know, out there, Hey,

643

you haven't met the Borg yet.

644

Xhafer: Yeah.

645

Okay.

646

Fair enough.

647

Also, just because the shadows have that

big map doesn't mean that Everyone else

648

has that big map or can travel that far.

649

They are the shadows, but

also you're not wrong.

650

And I'm making excuses for a TV show that

I shouldn't have to make excuses for.

651

Laura: yeah.

652

The, the only thing they throw in

there that maybe could work, That

653

maybe could help is like, we can see

this race is very isolationist because

654

they've burned all their books and

they're just a bunch of big fascists.

655

So maybe they're purposefully trying

not to be noticed as very advanced.

656

Xhafer: regardless,

657

the Mirati have arrived.

658

They chase them down.

659

They uh, send over a bunch of ships.

660

They fire a warning shot.

661

They make an overture for diplomacy.

662

At this point we see a couple of things.

663

We see Natchok grasping the data

crystals, saying they will be

664

given freely to the right person.

665

and then the Maradi send over their envoy.

666

And the captain of the other ship

and his translator come on board.

667

They don't speak English

because English is dumb and the

668

people who speak it are dumb.

669

Um.

670

Laura: Yeah.

671

Xhafer: Which I really wish I

had a good argument against, but

672

Laura: Mm.

673

Heh

674

Xhafer: I don't feel

great about it these days.

675

Ben: Are you calling Dolly Parton dumb?

676

Xhafer: So, no.

677

Dolly Parton is always the exception.

678

One.

679

Laura: Hm.

680

Hm.

681

Xhafer: I'm just saying that, like,

all of IQ keeps rising, right?

682

And uh, The reason for that is that the

hundred IQ is like the center, right?

683

It's based off of an average and it's

based off of the average American.

684

It's supposed to be the hundred IQ.

685

That's like how the scale is

written and maintained because of

686

course we did that to ourselves.

687

And so if everyone else's IQ keeps rising

in other parts of the world, are they

688

getting smarter or are we getting dumber?

689

Laura: Hm.

690

Hmm.

691

Xhafer: of those things is happening.

692

Laura: There's a lot of places that

speak English in the world that aren't

693

the United States, though, so I don't

know that we can throw this all on the

694

English speaking world's uh, shoulders.

695

Xhafer: That it's very American

of me to do so, and I will

696

continue to do so as a white man.

697

Laura: ha ha ha ha!

698

Ha ha ha

699

ha

700

ha

701

Xhafer: See, the only time I get

to be a white guy is on radio, so,

702

know, it's fun that way.

703

Definitely not at the airport.

704

Ho Oh,

705

Ben: Oh, is somebody

about to fly with you?

706

Oh boy.

707

Laura: Enjoy that random selection, guys!

708

Ha ha ha ha ha

709

Ben: But this part of the episode makes

me think, Is this a plot device making

710

it easier to Maraudee if they are dicks?

711

Laura: Oh.

712

Yeah.

713

Mm

714

Ben: if they had shown up and

been like, Hey, so like, this

715

guy's like a war criminal, man.

716

And like, you're totally

chomping on our vibes.

717

And like, this isn't

718

Xhafer: You don't even know the

heinous shit that this guy did.

719

Fuck this guy.

720

You can't, you can't like this guy.

721

He's, he's the war crime guy.

722

Ben: we'll send some guys over.

723

We heard about what happened to you.

724

And like, we'll send some doctors.

725

Like, we're chill, we're

cool, we're the Marathi.

726

Come on!

727

You

728

know, they have to be dicks.

729

Xhafer: We'll help you with,

we'll help you with the cure.

730

We'll give you all of our

medical records for free.

731

Don't even worry about it.

732

They know what's on the fucking drive.

733

Then we don't know what's on the drive.

734

Gideon doesn't know what's on the drive.

735

They know what's on the drive.

736

And they could just be all like, Oh,

well you were interested in this because

737

you need help with medical research?

738

We will give you X amount of medical

records that don't involve our personal,

739

like, racist genome so you can't

build a biological weapon against us.

740

You can just have all of it.

741

Episode over!

742

And I'm out!

743

I mean, not necessarily more helpful,

that's the point of the episode.

744

But definitely more in

line with Gideon's goals.

745

ha

746

ha ha

747

Ben: Now it's your fare.

748

Would you like all of the medical

information that the first minister and

749

the translator are willing to give you?

750

Would you like the mystery box?

751

Laura: Mystery

752

Xhafer: change the ba Always

change the door, right?

753

That's the thing

754

on,

755

Ben: Yes.

756

Xhafer: what's that game show?

757

Ben: uh, Let's make a deal.

758

Xhafer: Let's make a deal.

759

Yeah, you always pick the, the,

when they offer you the other doors.

760

Statistically, it is always

the option to choose.

761

Laura: Hmm,

762

Xhafer: Because you don't get

offered it if you got the jackpot.

763

So, you go from having a median goal to

having a 50 50 and hitting the jackpot.

764

Like, you always take it.

765

It's a 50

766

50

767

chance, Ben.

768

Either you will or you won't.

769

That's

770

Laura: so they call their prime

minister guy the a priori.

771

Did you guys catch that?

772

Ben: Mm hmm.

773

A priori

774

Laura: Yeah.

775

A priori is a phrase or a word meaning

relating to or denoting reasoning

776

or knowledge, which proceeds from

theoretical deduction rather than

777

from observation or experience.

778

Xhafer: Huh.

779

Laura: So I thought that was interesting

that we would call this guy that.

780

Xhafer: Yeah, that is interesting.

781

That's interesting.

782

Laura: I feel like it's a JMS,

little like winky, winky face.

783

At

784

Xhafer: He

785

Laura: something.

786

Yeah.

787

Xhafer: Yeah.

788

Uh, They start to negotiate when a bunch

of other Marauding Warships show up.

789

And Max is like, is this

fucking worth it guys?

790

Laura: he's back

791

with more opinions.

792

Ben: Yeah,

793

is this worth killing or dying for?

794

And Gideon's like, Yes, evil Tesh, yes it

795

is.

796

Xhafer: I can't help but notice

they haven't asked the Mirati for

797

what they want at this point, still.

798

Laura: Oh,

799

Xhafer: It's like, how hard would it be to

be like, Oh, well, we've got this stuff,

800

and this is what we're looking for, So,

if you're willing to give us that little

801

bit, We don't care about the rest of

the information that's on those things.

802

Laura: Yeah.

803

Xhafer: And we can just

call it a day, y'all.

804

Laura: Yeah, Gideon's not gonna do that.

805

Xhafer: Nope.

806

Nectalk is Digging around here.

807

Laura: guys, guess what?

808

Xhafer: It's Lockley's first appearance.

809

Laura: Yeah, we are what,

five episodes into the show?

810

Six?

811

No, five.

812

Into the show.

813

And we get kinda Lockley, so

Lockley Watch is still on.

814

We still have to keep going, but

815

Xhafer: What the fuck is her

personal log doing on a crystal

816

out in the middle of wherever?

817

There's this med lab still?

818

Like, what the actual fuck?

819

How does that make any sense whatsoever?

820

Laura: The only thing I can think of is

this means cause we're out, this is what?

821

Episode twelve or eleven or twelve?

822

And we're watching out of order.

823

So there's got to be a scene where they

go to Babylon 5 and somebody palms a

824

crystal from Lockley's office, right?

825

Be on the

826

lookout.

827

As

828

Ben: about it, I can get past Alan.

829

Xhafer: Done this

before, I'll do it again.

830

Oh, it's just, it's so crazy that

Lockley's personal log is just like

831

sitting on board the ship to me.

832

Ben: Well, and also it's, he's got

two crystals, Lockley's uh, captain's

833

logs, and public domain music.

834

Xhafer: Uh, Yeah, he finds some Mozart and

it's just like changed forever, you know?

835

Laura: you are when you hear

Mozart for the first time.

836

Yeah, yeah.

837

Xhafer: Yeah.

838

He agrees to copy over

everything after hearing Mozart.

839

He's like, okay, these people

have art, so they, I get it now.

840

Ben: Now, I'm just gonna ask.

841

What would have been the

worst thing for him to find?

842

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You,

843

your art is so beautiful!

844

Laura: See another missed opportunity

for this to come up again.

845

I needed it to come up again.

846

Xhafer: Nektar gets on the

autopilot shuttle and the Mirati

847

just blow it up and then peace out.

848

Ben: Well, before that

he copies everything.

849

Xhafer: Yeah, he copies over the goods.

850

And then gets killed.

851

Laura: Yeah.

852

He gives it

853

to Gideon.

854

Xhafer: We find out the crystals contain

all of the collected art of their

855

people And his art is just libtards

masturbating and we're too fascist for

856

that That's what he's willing to die for

857

Laura: Yeah.

858

He gives a good little,

like, monologue and speech

859

about, you know, saving these things and

giving them to somewhere safe, you know?

860

Xhafer: yeah, maybe one day my people will

want this back and not know what they've

861

lost You know, you can hope for that.

862

Dr.

863

Chamber is just in awe of the art she

said it's the art of hope and Earth needs

864

hope right now just as much as science.

865

Gideon is unmoved and rude as hell.

866

He's just kind of a dick

here about the whole thing.

867

Just like, I risked my life for art?

868

It's all like an entire

society's worth of art.

869

I mean, like, I know it wasn't

what you were expecting, but

870

it's also by no means worthless.

871

Laura: right.

872

Ben: Is there any Murati hair metal?

873

No.

874

Well

875

Laura: like, there was a non zero

chance that this was all going

876

to be garbage anyway, Gideon.

877

You had to have like, wrestled with

that a little bit before you made the

878

Xhafer: Yeah,

879

Laura: right?

880

Xhafer: not everything was

always going to be awesome.

881

In fact, historically speaking on

this show, it's always worthless.

882

This has been the most worthwhile

thing you've found so far.

883

Laura: No,

884

no,

885

Xhafer: maybe those, those, nanomachines

that let you be on earth for two days.

886

Laura: You are forgetting the apocalypse

box, Jaffer, and I will not have it.

887

This will not stand.

888

Xhafer: We don't even know what it is yet!

889

Laura: It's a fucking

great box is what it is.

890

Xhafer: It's a box within a

box that talks to you, Ben.

891

You might have missed that bit.

892

Ben: That hasn't ha yeah that

episode hasn't come out yet.

893

Xhafer: Yeah, don't worry, we don't

understand anything yet either.

894

Matheson records a diary entry.

895

He knew they were lying and didn't

stop it, so like, he's Jesus now?

896

Ben: Well, no, he's

897

Xhafer: Well, not, Noctuck

is Jesus now, yeah.

898

Yeah, he's got some personal turmoil.

899

Here.

900

Laura: not, I

901

don't hate this.

902

Xhafer: Yeah.

903

No, no, no.

904

It's, it's, it's an interesting

theological question.

905

Do you prevent the crucifixion?

906

Like, I mean, it's not really

my conversation to have, but I

907

mean, you guys can feel free.

908

Ben: Well, and I also noticed, like,

right after a really bad Gideon speech,

909

I thought this was a really good one.

910

Laura: yeah.

911

I.

912

And I, I don't hate it because I

really did want some more of the, like,

913

telepath issues to come up, and, okay,

this is kind of an afterthought for

914

me at the end of this episode, and,

you know, it is a little bit of a, a,

915

overly dramatic monologue for me, and

that, just that, like, we're, we're

916

throwing this emotion in here when

we've not even really grappled much

917

with Matheson yet at all but, yeah,

like, what, what's the telepath to do

918

when he's placed in, a situation where

somebody's just beaming their thoughts

919

directly in your head, practically, and

it can affect people around him that

920

he he

921

could do

922

something for them.

923

Xhafer: Yeah.

924

I mean, Talia saved Jakar's

925

life.

926

Laura: So, I don't know.

927

I wanted to hear more about how

telepaths integrate into this new

928

society and this new earth force and

this is kind of scraping that surface.

929

I hope we get a little more though.

930

This can't be

931

Xhafer: I mean, I like it.

932

Yeah.

933

I hope not.

934

I like it a lot more than 95 year

old best or fuckin 30 year olds.

935

Ben: But what I really liked here was the

dichotomy of Gideon in this whole episode

936

is very much the ends justify the means,

937

Laura: Uh

938

Xhafer: Mhm.

939

Ben: I will do anything, and it

doesn't matter if the ends are

940

actually what I wanted them to be.

941

I will have already broken every rule.

942

I will already have you know,

assaulted random people blown up

943

buildings breaking and entering,

possibly starting an interstellar war.

944

I don't care.

945

This might be useful.

946

Xhafer: Mhm.

947

Ben: as NotChalk is very much

the means justify the ends,

948

I am doing what is right.

949

And how it turns out, it turns out

which is a philosophy I try to ascribe

950

to that it doesn't matter if if it's

going to lead me into a place where

951

these jerkoffs are going to blow me

up, I'm going to do the right thing and

952

uh, I'm going to get the the past of my

people to some place where it might be

953

safeguarded and how I'm doing it is more

important than how this ends up for me.

954

Xhafer: And that's, that's a very

important point to consider, Ben,

955

and I do understand and empathize.

956

And then we get a sample

of what that art is.

957

Because Gideon goes back to Med Lab,

grabs a crystal, goes to Darina's,

958

puts it in her Walkman, and hits play.

959

Okay, okay, no, but really though,

then he actually hits play.

960

Laura: no, no, no, it's not actually that.

961

Ben: no actually, it's this.

962

Xhafer: And that's the episode.

963

We just get that to theme.

964

Ben: Yeah and then Gideon

walks down the hallway to the

965

pan flute of I'm Not Chakotay.

966

Xhafer: Akuchi Moya, yo.

967

Laura: The, the music is just, I

don't know, I don't want to rag on Mr.

968

Chen, but like, the aesthetic

is not right for this show.

969

Like, I understand a, like, sort of a non

Western music, we want to have some more

970

ethereal vibes and stuff, but boy, it's

971

Xhafer: Yeah.

972

Laura: for the show.

973

Xhafer: If Christophe Frank didn't go so

fucking hard on all of the B5 soundtrack I

974

might be able, I might be more forgiving.

975

But having had the show previous

have such good fucking music for so

976

many seasons, once you got past the

first episode playing the same song

977

16 times, and you actually gave him

time to compose more than one piece

978

it's just so fucking soul wrenching

to hear fucking shitty, I don't even

979

want to say EDM, it's just EM just bad.

980

Ben: Well, and then you still,

even, even then, you have the

981

whole bits where they're like, when

they're walking through the, dust

982

cloud, there should be music there.

983

Laura: Like,

984

drum, something

985

to up

986

the drama.

987

Ben: like, I don't know how

this works scoring a show.

988

it might not be his choice.

989

They might be like, no, in order

to really get the, the atmosphere,

990

we have to hear the atmosphere.

991

Just more wind howling.

992

But it means that the music is off at

every level, everybody making a decision.

993

Laura: You know what this

music actually belonged in?

994

If this show was about the Rangers and

had more Mimbari and a white star, I

995

could buy off on this music, maybe.

996

Xhafer: you know, that's fair.

997

I could see that.

998

Laura: Mm hmm.

999

It needs some more, like, Mimbari

mysticism to, like, back it up.

00:50:20,904 --> 00:50:20,994

Mm hmm.

00:50:21,196 --> 00:50:21,626

Xhafer: Mm hmm.

00:50:22,415 --> 00:50:22,795

All right.

00:50:22,795 --> 00:50:28,635

Well speaking of backing it up It's

time to rate this episode on a scale

00:50:28,635 --> 00:50:34,612

of one to four main guns firing Ben

as our guest You have first crack at

00:50:34,612 --> 00:50:37,536

rating this episode Give me five seasons

00:50:37,572 --> 00:50:38,552

Ben: Oh boy.

00:50:39,212 --> 00:50:45,352

Um, it's a whole lot of nothing

followed by a incredibly heavy

00:50:45,352 --> 00:50:48,334

handed Hey, I'm making a TV show.

00:50:48,624 --> 00:50:49,614

Don't you understand?

00:50:49,674 --> 00:50:51,344

Art is important!

00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:52,179

Laura: Right,

00:50:52,354 --> 00:50:52,904

Ben: like,

00:50:54,469 --> 00:50:55,599

Xhafer: stop fucking with it.

00:50:56,074 --> 00:50:59,530

Ben: or this feels like, don't

you realize that what I'm doing

00:50:59,530 --> 00:51:01,540

is actually deeply important?

00:51:02,170 --> 00:51:08,755

Either dad, or ex wife, or

somebody uh, this is one.

00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:15,520

If, I don't know, I don't know if you

guys have broken down partial, like,

00:51:15,920 --> 00:51:17,560

If this could be a misfire, this is

00:51:17,625 --> 00:51:18,755

Xhafer: Ooh,

00:51:19,513 --> 00:51:20,353

Laura: Yeah, we

00:51:20,508 --> 00:51:21,928

Xhafer: I'll add Misfire to the scale.

00:51:21,958 --> 00:51:22,998

Yeah, that seems fair.

00:51:23,561 --> 00:51:24,331

I'm here for that.

00:51:25,043 --> 00:51:25,283

How about

00:51:25,283 --> 00:51:25,403

you,

00:51:25,403 --> 00:51:25,743

Laura?

00:51:26,727 --> 00:51:30,794

Laura: So, you know, I ended the last

episode with uh, this is a spoiler

00:51:30,794 --> 00:51:34,665

for you Ben, since you haven't heard

it yet, but four main guns firing

00:51:34,665 --> 00:51:40,485

because of the just absolute bizarre

weirdness of the end that made me cackle.

00:51:40,485 --> 00:51:42,455

This is,

00:51:42,455 --> 00:51:43,440

uh,

00:51:43,695 --> 00:51:44,075

Ben: for you,

00:51:44,630 --> 00:51:47,980

Laura: This bizarre weirdness hit

me right at the top when we're

00:51:47,980 --> 00:51:53,230

watching space alien porn in the

office and critiquing it together.

00:51:53,390 --> 00:51:53,890

Like,

00:51:55,730 --> 00:51:56,560

Xhafer: so weird.

00:51:59,639 --> 00:52:03,489

Laura: main guns just because that

was hilarious and I couldn't wait

00:52:03,489 --> 00:52:04,929

to talk to my friends about it.

00:52:09,909 --> 00:52:13,289

Xhafer: I feel neither way

about this, this episode.

00:52:13,289 --> 00:52:13,309

it

00:52:13,309 --> 00:52:15,289

it was awkward.

00:52:15,289 --> 00:52:18,619

I, it, I mean, Ben

called it the beginning.

00:52:18,619 --> 00:52:21,369

It's five pounds of

episode in a 10 pound bag.

00:52:21,369 --> 00:52:21,879

Okay.

00:52:22,129 --> 00:52:22,789

Laura: for real.

00:52:23,954 --> 00:52:27,824

Xhafer: It was just not

particularly enjoyable.

00:52:27,854 --> 00:52:30,434

Like, I enjoyed this

conversation significantly.

00:52:30,934 --> 00:52:34,419

But watching the episode was just not fun.

00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:35,669

Good.

00:52:35,679 --> 00:52:36,549

It was not fun.

00:52:36,739 --> 00:52:40,429

I, I mean even like the little bits

at the beginning, like where they

00:52:40,429 --> 00:52:43,459

both turn their head at the same

time at the weird porn, and then all

00:52:43,459 --> 00:52:45,359

the aliens do it later and stuff.

00:52:45,799 --> 00:52:52,589

Like, that's a fun little reoccurring bit,

but could you done it with anything else?

00:52:52,969 --> 00:52:56,149

I mean, like, I, I'm not a prude.

00:52:57,549 --> 00:53:00,679

Um, you know, it's just

00:53:00,764 --> 00:53:01,234

Laura: approved.

00:53:01,939 --> 00:53:09,234

Xhafer: famously not a prude and it's

just like, I, I just, I don't know.

00:53:09,234 --> 00:53:15,274

It just seems like it was weirdly

like alien body shaming to me is how

00:53:15,274 --> 00:53:19,494

it all comes off where they're just

like the Pac Mara is like in this

00:53:19,534 --> 00:53:22,694

like, I don't know how much of that

was like their skin and how much of

00:53:22,694 --> 00:53:25,784

it was like a weird like sex outfit.

00:53:25,944 --> 00:53:28,314

Um, if it was like bondage gear,

00:53:28,454 --> 00:53:30,914

Laura: Oh, Pac Mara sex outfit.

00:53:31,144 --> 00:53:32,184

Xhafer: new name of our punk band.

00:53:32,194 --> 00:53:35,519

Um, But it was just like, I don't know.

00:53:35,539 --> 00:53:37,509

It just didn't hit for me at any point.

00:53:37,539 --> 00:53:42,179

If they had committed to the bit

a little bit more, I could have

00:53:42,219 --> 00:53:48,329

dug in, but they just skimmed the

surface just enough for me to go

00:53:48,679 --> 00:53:50,639

do more with it or do less with it.

00:53:51,479 --> 00:53:54,869

I find this annoying and not a fun way.

00:53:55,340 --> 00:54:01,230

Laura: may I offer another support

for your opinion in that, you

00:54:01,230 --> 00:54:05,990

know, what one of the things

that you have said before on.

00:54:06,465 --> 00:54:13,295

a factor that factors into your rating

of the episode is whether you could have

00:54:13,295 --> 00:54:15,465

fixed something with one line of dialogue.

00:54:15,715 --> 00:54:16,195

Xhafer: Yes.

00:54:16,785 --> 00:54:22,845

Laura: And I believe that if we had fixed

the Marathi setup with a little bit of

00:54:22,845 --> 00:54:28,155

dialogue about they're so reclusive,

we don't know how advanced they are,

00:54:28,605 --> 00:54:34,955

we know they're, very isolationist,

and they have this kind of technology.

00:54:35,365 --> 00:54:38,525

Like, if they just said a little

bit about that, that would have made

00:54:38,525 --> 00:54:43,285

the Miratis appearance in hyperspace

a little bit more believable.

00:54:44,287 --> 00:54:45,157

Xhafer: Yeah, for sure.

00:54:45,677 --> 00:54:46,967

I can dock a point for that.

00:54:46,967 --> 00:54:47,237

Yeah.

00:54:47,422 --> 00:54:53,712

Ben: in that same vein, If Chambers came

into Gideon's office and was like, Hey, I

00:54:53,712 --> 00:55:00,137

heard you found Eilerson's weird porn, And

was just like, Hey, this is a fun thing

00:55:00,137 --> 00:55:06,247

we're doing as this guy's kind of, like,

superiors of this guy who's a douche.

00:55:06,617 --> 00:55:11,447

You know, hey, okay, now it's a fun

thing instead of an HR nightmare.

00:55:11,727 --> 00:55:15,437

Laura: Yeah, instead of ambushing

your subordinate with porn.

00:55:16,672 --> 00:55:20,902

Xhafer: an ounce of consent

would have been worth a mile

00:55:20,932 --> 00:55:22,792

of runway for this episode.

00:55:23,562 --> 00:55:24,402

Truly.

00:55:24,687 --> 00:55:24,917

Laura: So

00:55:24,917 --> 00:55:25,907

what was your rating?

00:55:26,292 --> 00:55:29,982

Xhafer: I'm gonna say one

main gun out of four firing.

00:55:30,997 --> 00:55:34,707

Ben: I have a question for those,

for you guys, since you have seen,

00:55:34,747 --> 00:55:36,868

uh, Chambers more than I have.

00:55:37,318 --> 00:55:39,118

Laura: Oh, I don't know

that we have, but okay.

00:55:40,058 --> 00:55:41,458

Ben: Is this your first time seeing them?

00:55:41,953 --> 00:55:42,493

Laura: Oh, no, no.

00:55:42,493 --> 00:55:46,273

We've seen Chambers, but it's taken me,

like, four episodes to remember her name.

00:55:46,850 --> 00:55:51,585

Ben: Does, does it feel like

Everything they said this episode

00:55:51,585 --> 00:55:53,545

could have just been given to Franklin.

00:55:54,554 --> 00:55:55,124

Laura: Mm.

00:55:55,184 --> 00:55:56,234

Ben: it feels kind of like they're

00:55:56,364 --> 00:55:56,764

Xhafer: yeah.

00:55:56,924 --> 00:55:57,574

Ben: Doctor.

00:55:58,221 --> 00:55:58,611

Laura: Yeah.

00:55:58,731 --> 00:55:59,481

Ja'far and I just

00:55:59,481 --> 00:55:59,841

Xhafer: Yeah.

00:55:59,861 --> 00:56:01,511

Laura: same thoughtful head tilt.

00:56:02,271 --> 00:56:06,281

Ben: They did the simultaneous head tilt

just like they're watching alien porn.

00:56:06,611 --> 00:56:07,521

Xhafer: That's fair, Ben.

00:56:07,531 --> 00:56:08,691

That's a fair criticism.

00:56:09,421 --> 00:56:09,761

Dr.

00:56:09,761 --> 00:56:12,571

Chambers doesn't really feel

like a distinct character.

00:56:13,116 --> 00:56:13,706

Laura: Yeah.

00:56:13,905 --> 00:56:18,915

Xhafer: They have, like, two things about

them, and they could very easily be Dr.

00:56:18,915 --> 00:56:19,805

Franklin things.

00:56:20,135 --> 00:56:22,255

It's like, oh, my sister

is trapped on Earth.

00:56:22,805 --> 00:56:24,655

Okay, that says, says Dr.

00:56:24,655 --> 00:56:25,175

Franklin's.

00:56:25,885 --> 00:56:27,241

Uh, Fair.

00:56:28,121 --> 00:56:33,461

You know, it's just, it's a bit much, and

by a bit much I mean not nearly enough.

00:56:33,921 --> 00:56:34,311

Laura: Right.

00:56:34,461 --> 00:56:34,801

Right.

00:56:35,131 --> 00:56:39,361

Leaning hard into the same stuff

that like, recycling your same

00:56:39,361 --> 00:56:40,801

stuff that's already worked.

00:56:41,101 --> 00:56:42,541

Is there a term for this?

00:56:43,451 --> 00:56:44,401

It kind of reminds me of

00:56:44,401 --> 00:56:44,701

like,

00:56:44,741 --> 00:56:45,051

I

00:56:45,096 --> 00:56:45,576

Ben: the well.

00:56:46,151 --> 00:56:50,941

Laura: Well, I heard Ben talking on

on last time on about flanderization,

00:56:50,941 --> 00:56:52,731

and it's kind of like that for me.

00:56:53,221 --> 00:56:55,881

It's like we flanderized

the doctor character.

00:56:56,290 --> 00:57:00,350

just with the standard doctor tropes

and doctor things that doctors say.

00:57:02,431 --> 00:57:02,741

Xhafer: Yeah.

00:57:03,185 --> 00:57:03,715

All right.

00:57:03,735 --> 00:57:04,955

Well, that's an episode.

00:57:05,495 --> 00:57:06,705

We got another one next week.

00:57:06,735 --> 00:57:09,637

We got episode 9 racing the night.

00:57:09,992 --> 00:57:16,592

Gideon and crew find themselves trapped

by an alien civilization using sinister

00:57:16,592 --> 00:57:20,772

methods to seek a cure for the same

drach virus that attacked Earth.

00:57:21,432 --> 00:57:22,292

Laura: Hmm.

00:57:22,879 --> 00:57:26,036

Xhafer: Yeah, so we'll be

back with that one next week.

00:57:26,416 --> 00:57:27,716

But before we're back with that.

00:57:28,406 --> 00:57:30,246

We do have a couple of

thank yous to say out.

00:57:30,326 --> 00:57:36,386

Hey, Jeremy, Jeremy Siegel, the

Jeremy Siegel 42 at the band camp.

00:57:37,146 --> 00:57:38,956

We really appreciate you

writing our theme music.

00:57:38,956 --> 00:57:39,936

Thank you so much for that.

00:57:40,516 --> 00:57:43,886

You can find more of Jeremy's work on

streaming services as Nuclear Jaguar.

00:57:44,495 --> 00:57:46,775

Laura: And thank you to Angry

Duck Time Machine on Instagram

00:57:46,785 --> 00:57:47,965

for our podcast artwork.

00:57:48,449 --> 00:57:52,319

Xhafer: Aaron, once again, I'm so sorry.

00:57:52,769 --> 00:57:58,549

I know I put a lot of work on you

in about three minutes of recording.

00:57:59,189 --> 00:58:00,579

And I recognize that.

00:58:00,579 --> 00:58:01,489

And I recognize that.

00:58:01,489 --> 00:58:02,979

And all the other hard work that you do.

00:58:03,524 --> 00:58:04,684

To make Laura

00:58:04,734 --> 00:58:05,464

Ben: The

00:58:07,784 --> 00:58:12,654

Xhafer: and, and I, and occasionally

Ben sound like coherent individuals with

00:58:12,654 --> 00:58:17,494

full thoughts instead of the rambling

nincompoops that we tend to be in reality.

00:58:17,504 --> 00:58:19,014

So thank you so much for that.

00:58:19,014 --> 00:58:20,034

Really appreciate it.

00:58:21,159 --> 00:58:23,719

Laura: Hey, and thanks listener for

sitting through Crusade with us.

00:58:23,759 --> 00:58:27,009

I don't know if you're watching along

or not, but I hope that we're giving

00:58:27,009 --> 00:58:31,799

you some colorful, fun impressions

of this show with our recaps.

00:58:31,859 --> 00:58:36,459

And if you have watched the show, you have

thoughts you want to share, you can always

00:58:36,459 --> 00:58:40,379

go to email us at whoareyoub5 at gmail.

00:58:40,379 --> 00:58:44,219

com or join our discord where

we're happy to talk about it.

00:58:44,471 --> 00:58:44,911

Ben: Discord's

00:58:44,911 --> 00:58:45,231

awesome.

00:58:45,637 --> 00:58:50,487

Xhafer: Or any of our other shows like

last time on where Ben and Victor from

00:58:50,487 --> 00:58:55,577

Domini media television, and I will talk

about TV shows that we haven't seen and

00:58:55,587 --> 00:58:58,457

it's Sister podcast yet to air cool girls.

00:58:58,457 --> 00:58:59,657

Don't look at explosions

00:59:00,247 --> 00:59:00,697

Laura: Yeah.

00:59:00,697 --> 00:59:01,057

Okay.

00:59:01,057 --> 00:59:01,072

Bye.

00:59:01,637 --> 00:59:05,837

Xhafer: Yeah, and then some other

stuff that's on its way to fun stuff.

00:59:06,337 --> 00:59:07,817

We'll see you next week internet

00:59:08,312 --> 00:59:09,122

Laura: Bye.