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55. (S2E19) Owning Your Truth with Tina Kadish
Episode 5512th May 2022 • FINE is a 4-Letter Word • Lori Saitz
00:00:00 00:32:37

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On today’s episode, Tina Kadish and I are talking about her definition of freedom, what happens when you don’t keep promises to yourself, and why you’ll only take action when you’re ready. Growing up an Italian immigrant family with a scarcity mindset, Tina stayed in a marriage and then a job for longer than she would have liked because she was afraid of not having or making enough money. Listen to learn how she overcame that challenge. 

Today, she lives with joy, fulfillment, and freedom. After 20 years in the corporate world as a trainer and talent acquisition strategist, Tina is now a Speaker, Life Purpose and Business Coach and Author. Through one-on-one coaching, group coaching, and workshops, she offers corporate women the tools and skills needed to take action, make their dreams a reality, and create financial success that enables them to give back to their communities.

Website: www.lifeisideal.com

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/tinakadish

Facebook: www.facebook.com/tina.kadish

Instagram: www.instagram.com/tkadish

Tina's hype song is Girl is on Fire by Alicia Keyes

Tina is offering you a 30 minute complimentary call! Schedule here: http://bit.ly/meettinakadish

Today's episode is sponsored by Zen Rabbit. The question many people are asking lately is how do I find and maintain peace of mind?

With everything going on in your world, and the world as a whole, staying grounded can be challenging. 

Yet, your happiness and well-being are dependent on your ability to find your center. To tap into your inner knowing. Your health and sanity are at stake here. 

This is where the F*ck Being Fine program for individuals and companies comes in. It’s time to stop saying everything’s fine when, clearly, your hair is on fire. You want to learn how to stay calm and grounded no matter what’s going on around you? 

There are people who live this way and you can be one of them. If you’re intrigued by this possibility, go to ZenRabbit.com or text me at 571.317.1463.

Transcripts

Lori Saitz 0:03

Hello, and welcome to Fine is a 4 Letter Word. My guest today is Tina Kadish. Welcome to the show, Tina.

Tina Kadish 0:18

Thank you, Lori. It's so great to be here. With you.

Lori Saitz 0:21

I'm thrilled to get into this conversation. Let's start with, you know, what were the beliefs and values that you picked up as a child growing up from your family or your community.

Tina Kadish 0:35

All right, so I grew up in an Italian immigrant family, oldest of three girls, and hard-working family. My mom was the homemaker. My dad was the breadwinner of the family. And we grew up that money was tight, and money doesn't grow on trees. And there was always a scarcity of money, that you know, money doesn't grow on trees, only the rich get richer, and you work hard, you're gonna make money, which I still believe today that working hard is important. And saving for a rainy day, you just never know when things are gonna go wrong or bad. And you always want to have your money and pay cash for everything. My dad was a firm believer in if you don't have the money, you just don't buy it. So I grew up with that. And I but I grew up with a scarcity mindset that there wasn't enough money to have Okay, okay, so I always worry about money. Hmm.

Lori Saitz 1:33

Oh, wait, I think a lot of people grew up in that with that same mindset. Yes, scarcity. There's not enough. Yes. Right. And then how did that play out as you became a young adult?

Tina Kadish 1:45

Well, it played out that as I got older, and then I had kids, I, I put, I projected those feelings onto my kids into my marriage. And always worrying and money was always a struggle with my first marriage, as well, because I was always saying there was never enough, I was always worried that there wasn't going to be enough money to pay the bills. And my kids, luckily, while my daughter took on that and worried always about money, my son did not. But he's still very cautious today. Very plans. And so they both took those from me and, and my ex-husband at the time as well. He was a construction worker in a blue-collar worker and money was tight money was really tight all the time. So it seems like I always seem to struggle to get money. And I think that that's a lot has to do with our mindset.

Lori Saitz 2:43

Of course, it does. Yes. So how long were you in that place of money is hard to get in? We're there's never enough like,

Tina Kadish 2:53

finally left the marriage in:

Lori Saitz 3:20

How long was it fine before you decided I'm not okay with it. Not being fine. I mean, was so I guess was it good in the beginning. And the reason I ask is because I've had conversations with people who said, I knew from the beginning, it wasn't right. And then there were other conversations with people like myself, which it was great. And it wasn't, I never think it was the wrong decision for me to have made at the time.

Tina Kadish 3:48

Okay, so yeah, no, I don't think I made the wrong decision. Because when I met, I mean, I, you know, we loved each other. And we started a life together, the kids were conceived in love and all of that. It's just that I stayed together for the sake of the kids and things were just not happy, you know, and various reasons, not feeling appreciated. And money was a struggle. And I felt like I was doing more, I was putting more into the marriage than what was supposed to be a 50/50 type of relationship. And but what I did was I went to college to get my degree because I believed that if I had a degree, I could make more money than I could be on my own, and I could be an independent woman without needing a man. And so I did that. I went to college, got my degree, and then a year after I filed for divorce, I said, this no longer serves me, I'm done with this marriage. And, you know, 20 years later, you know, so I'm a little stubborn because I realized, well, your first question, I realized, I mean, we were five years into the marriage that I realized that this is not working, I'm not happy. So out of 20 years, I think the first five were good Yeah, okay. You just go through the motions of life and just saying, Okay, this is gonna, this is okay. I'll get through this. Right, you know, I wasn't excited. I was, yeah, go ahead.

Lori Saitz 5:14

It's easier to stay in the comfortable and familiar then to leave and not know what's on the other side?

Tina Kadish 5:23

Exactly. And that's what kept me to because I was worried I was afraid. Fear plays a huge part in taking those leaps into the unknown. And for me, yeah, I didn't know if I could support myself without my husband. And it was comfortable. A lot of times we do stay comfortable, we were comfortable. And we stay in different situations. You know, so I stayed something marriage.

Lori Saitz 5:45

I saw something on social media. I think it was earlier today actually, about people being wanting to change wanting things in their life to change, but not wanting to take a risk. So I want things to be different, but I don't want anything to change, right?

Tina Kadish 6:10

I know, I know. Because change is scary. Are you know, going into the unknown? I mean, there's the unknown thing. We don't know if we're going to be able to make it work. And I was feeling I was in that space of like, is this gonna work uncomfortable? What am I doing to my kids, I'm gonna end a marriage. They grew up here, you know, we moved out of the house that they were born in. And we had, we sold our house. And so there was a lot of that disruption for my kids. My kids were 10 and 15, when I got divorced, so it was hard for them to go through that disruption, and we had to leave our house and move into an apartment. And that was it was hard for them.

Lori Saitz 6:51

Yeah. I can imagine. I can imagine. Yeah. And then, so but did things get better as you? Okay, you didn't know how it was gonna look. But you're expecting that it would get better. Tell me the rest of the story here.

Tina Kadish 7:08

So when I got divorced, I felt really good. I never regretted my decision, because I'm the type of person who once I make a decision, I don't look back. And I made the decision. I bought my own condo after that. And I lived with my two kids. And I did it. You know, I did it. I got financial support from my ex-husband. You know, that helped, of course. And but then I've always worked. I've never been a stay-at-home mom, I've always worked my whole entire life. And so I've never been someone to depend on a man for money. I make things happen. I will, okay.

Lori Saitz 7:47

When you say you make a decision. And that's it? Yes, I did. Do you also then make the decision that I'm going to, you know, buy my own condo, I'm going to do that like these things didn't just happen, right? You made a decision.

Tina Kadish 8:06

I made a decision, I made a decision. I did not want to live in an apartment. It was actually my dad has apartments behind his house. And I lived in one of his apartments and stayed there for seven months. And I said I need to buy my own place. And I did. And I felt really for the first time in my life. I felt free. I bought my condo in my own name. And I didn't need anyone else to buy it. And that was so freeing that independence. Yeah, to feel and it was a real good feeling. And I did it. I did it. I did meet my second husband. I'm married today and my second husband. And but that was like, years later. And I made it happen. I did it. And so I think for you know, your listeners here. It's when you make a decision. Isn't that you know, you have to feel good with the decision to I mean, I felt good. It was right for me. And I took action, because I was not happy with where I was. So a lot of times we make those those decisions because Are we happy with where we are right now. And if you're not you have a choice. We all have choices. We are responsible for our life. And if you stay in, wallowing, you made a decision.

Lori Saitz 9:27

Yeah, yeah, you're making a decision a choice either way. Exactly. Exactly. And is it for your best interest or is it just out of convenience?

Tina Kadish 9:39

me? Actually, no, that was in:

Lori Saitz:

I was gonna say there's fear all around, like fear of leaving a relationship fear of leaving a job. Yeah. So all these people living in fear, like, this is not how to live.

Tina Kadish:

It's not the way to live life. And so but what I did, because of fear, I, you know, started my business, it wasn't sustainable at the time, and I went to a job. And I said, I gotta get a job, I got to make some money. And sometimes, I mean, we got to do what we got to do, we got to bring in revenue. Sure. And so I said, You know what, to work my business part time, get a job full time, and I got a job as a recruiter, did that for 11 years, until in 2018, I got fired from my job, that I was unhappy. But I stayed there because of being comfortable.

Lori Saitz:

Right. And so this is another lesson of the universe will provide you with exactly what you need. Exactly. Even if you're afraid to do it yourself. Oftentimes, not always, but a lot of times the universe will make it happen.

Tina Kadish:

The universe made it happen that time because I've been unhappy there. I didn't want to be in my in working for someone for years, and I was working my business part-time. And you know, the universe said, You're not happy here, I'm going to make, I'm going to push you out, and I got pushed out. And I am not going to work for corporate America, I will find a way. I'm in my business right now as a solopreneur. And I love what I do. And helping women, what I do is I help women find their purpose, start a business, successful business, so that they can be happy and prosperous, you know, making money doing what they love to do. So I focus on that today. And I wrote my book about freedom. You know, the seven steps to thrive in life and business came from the idea that I want to I want women to be freedom.

Lori Saitz:

How do you define freedom?

Tina Kadish:

So how I defined freedom was and I'll share real quick that the seven are faith, releasing, letting go of what's holding you back? Evaluating where you are, like, where's your progress, evaluating what's going well, what hasn't gone? Well, determination, no matter what you're going through ups and downs, whether in the ups and downs, Are you determined to make it work? optimism, I all, you know, share and mindset. So I ended with mindset, because it really I know, it begins in our mindset. But I wanted to really wrap it up with mindset, how our thoughts, our beliefs, limit us, and we stay in that fine, longer. And things hold us back. And so, but I also believe in timing, not, you know, not everything can be done at a certain time. And when you're ready, like I wasn't ready before the 20 years to end the marriage. I was ready, then.

Lori Saitz:

I'm glad you brought that up, because we talked about that in the pre-show conversation. And I wanted to touch on that. Because sometimes we beat ourselves up, or our friends, or people around us are like, what are you going to do this? When are you going to do that? Like you've been talking about it forever? And you do it when you are ready? Exactly,

Tina Kadish:

exactly. Do it when it's ready when the time is right for you. Not listening to the other people telling you because yeah, my job my co workers, my family were saying, you know, you keep telling us how unhappy you are. Just do it. We're tired of hearing you complain. And that's right. People don't want to hear it. Yes. They don't want to hear your complaint.

Lori Saitz:

Right, because it's sometimes people do because if they get stuck in that negativity like some people love to get into that drama. And, you know, the more you can criticize and complain, the more of that you attract to yourself just as the what the opposite side of that is, you know, the more you are grateful for, the more you get to be grateful for right so it's right works both ways. But yes, when people are fine, I'm telling you, we're tired of hearing you talk about it. And you still may not be ready, but you got to stop talking about it to them yet that that's when you gotta go find new people to tell. Exactly,

Tina Kadish:

exactly, exactly. But I was so grateful that I got it Let go. And getting let go after being there 11 years for voicing my opinion about something that I didn't like, like I have to been there 11 years getting great reviews. Being the top recruiter in my department I got laid off, I mean, not laid off fired, because I shared my opinion about something.

Lori Saitz:

Was it an opinion, that was based in your values that didn't match theirs?

Tina Kadish:

It was my values. It was a policy of company policy that they had. And I point blank disagreed with them. And I didn't like it. And I shared it. And they didn't like it, because they saw me as a problem employee. Because I was disgruntled I was unhappy.

Lori Saitz:

So because your values didn't my values didn't match this is, this is a whole good conversation about how when you define what your values are, so first step, what are your values? What is important to you, so that you can stand up for them? Yep. And live by them. When situations arise, it makes decisions with going back to decision making, when you're clear about your values. And I talk with my clients about this in my program all the time when you're clear on your values, makes decision-making a lot easier.

Tina Kadish:

Exactly. So one of my value, you know, is integrity. It's freedom, flexibility, you know, being appreciated. And they're not aligned, they were not aligned. The company and I always say this with women that I coach, what are your values aligned with a company? Culture? Yeah. And if they're not, then why are you still there? Right, why are you still there?

Lori Saitz:

Exactly. Why are you still there? You know, and it's interesting that you bring that up? Because I think a lot of people don't stop to think about that before someone puts it on the plate in front of them. Are your values aligned? Like oh, maybe that's why I'm unhappy. Or maybe that's why I'm constantly having clashes. Is it because there's a misalignment? Yes, but they wouldn't necessarily notice it. I want to come back to what your values what you said, you just said your values were. And when I asked you what freedom meant to you, you gave me your pillars of what freedom stands for and your program. But what does the actual freedom mean to you? Everybody has their own definition, okay.

Tina Kadish:

So for me, freedom is doing what you love, every day, making your decisions. Being in a space that you are just living your life on purpose every day, and you're creating meaning you are having a meaningful life for yourself. And if I can make an impact for other women, to share that message of freedom, how much happier peaceful, harmonious would we be when we are really living our purpose? And so that to me, it's freedom. It's, it's freedom to me is having your own voice that you could speak up, okay, and share what you want to share. Whatever I'm not saying to hurt other people. Of course, I'm not saying that. But it's owning your truth, owning your, your power, you know, holding on to your conviction, standing in your own power. And I've had to demonstrate in multiple ways after even when I got fired it for me. That has come that has come through.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, I love it. I was just taking some notes over here. I want to talk about what happens when you don't keep your promises to yourself.

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, that's a good one. Because when you don't make promises to yourself, you're really not. You're not honoring your self-worth. You're not honoring yourself. Okay, and you're, you're letting yourself off the hook. But how is that serving you? You know, to me, yeah, you're not serving yourself and you're gonna have resentment at some point. Because you haven't. You have it? Yeah, you've given up. I call I look at it. You've given up by yourself.

Lori Saitz:

Do you have a story of a time when you did that? Oh, or a story of maybe when a client

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, I mean, when a client, I want something more for them than they want it for themselves. They're not showing up for themselves. And I get frustrated because I see more for them. But they're letting themselves off the hook. They're not holding themselves accountable. Yeah, and I'm helping them but there's only so much we can do as a coach because, at the end of The day, we can guide them, support them, but they have to take action.

Lori Saitz:

Of course, yeah, I'm just thinking of like, where, you know, what could be an example of some a time when we, as a collective, we don't keep promises to ourselves because I talked about this on, I think it was on the 50th podcast episode that I did a solo episode, it was about courage, and how when we don't, we tell ourselves, we want to do X, you know, leave this job, I'm gonna leave, I'm gonna leave by the end of the year, and the year-end of the year comes and we don't do it, we haven't kept a promise to ourselves. So now we don't trust.

Tina Kadish:

We don't trust ourselves. So when I was in that job was going back to the job. Yeah, I gotta let go. And so every year I was one of those every year, I had it on my calendar, and then I didn't stick to that calendar that that goal. And so at the end of the year, I was like, oh, here I go again. I'm so frustrated. I didn't do it. I gave up on myself. I'm unhappy, I'm frustrated. And it's, it's on you. It's like, okay, I'm looking at myself in the mirror. I'm like, What could I have done? Why didn't I do it? So we beat ourselves up. And we don't feel good about ourselves, when we don't keep our promises to ourselves.

Lori Saitz:

Do you think that ties back to our ability to love ourselves?

Tina Kadish:

That's a good point. Because I also believe, because self-love is so important. If you don't love yourself first, how can you expect others to love you? And so, I believe that we stay in our marriages, do we love ourselves enough that we, like sometimes we tolerate others, to treat us a certain way. But we're the ones that are allowing it, I always say what you tolerate will continue. You keep tolerating it, it's going to continue until you change something, something's got to change, somebody's got to give it gotta get to a resolution, I'm a solutions-oriented person, Something's gotta change. And if it's not changing, then why are we here like that insanity, doing the same thing and expecting different results. is so true. So a lot of times, we're, we're, we're not, maybe we don't love ourselves. And that's why we stay in these jobs, we stay in these marriages, we give up on ourselves.

Lori Saitz:

Right, give up on ourselves, don't love ourselves. And then don't trust ourselves. Yeah, too. And so when you don't trust yourself in in any kind of situation, like, Oh, I'm going to, you know, reduce my weight by 20 pounds and not do it, or I'm going to leave my job, or I'm going to, you know, take up tennis or go to the gym every day, whatever it is. And we don't follow through. We're teaching ourselves not to trust ourselves. So now we're not trusting ourselves to make smart decisions for ourselves.

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, that we don't trust. This keeps us paralyzed, right? It keeps us paralyzed. So we don't trust ourselves enough to make those decisions. And that's why we like I said, we stay fine. We stay unhappy. So many times, you know, so it's really it takes courage. It's knowing your value, like you know, as an entrepreneur right now, I know my value. And I'm not going to work with clients that are not going to serve me. Okay. And if it's not aligned, then because I have an abundance mindset, I'm not coming from the mindset that I need the client because I need the money.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. And it's interesting because when you release those clients who are not good for you, you allow them to find a better fit.

Tina Kadish:

And I will find a better fit of clients, the clients that are willing and open and I'm looking for action takers, I'm looking for people that don't make excuses about why they can't follow up on something. You know, like, the common is, I didn't have time. Time is so common. You didn't make the time because it wasn't important enough for you to make the time. That hurt. Well, and it is to be to like, for example, I say, Oh, don't have time to go to the gym. Well, did I really make the time to go the gym or did I just say I have time for the gym? Or what am I doing to change going to the gym consistently, this time that like you can make it happen? We all have the same amount of hours a day. But it's what do we decide to do with those hours? But how important is it I look at it how important is it for you to make that decision as well? How much pain are you in?

Lori Saitz:

yeah You know, that's what it comes back to right? Because that's what apparently humans need is pain as an impetus to change.

Tina Kadish:

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I believe in that.

Lori Saitz:

Is it Tony Robbins who talks about how people change? Either they move towards pleasure or well, from painting it is. But for the most part, they are moving away from pain, like 90% of the time.

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, 90% of the time, they're moving away from pain. Maybe they don't even see the pleasure. They're not even envisioning the pleasure. They're just getting away from the pain. And I think that a lot of times, we're focusing so much on the pain.

Lori Saitz:

Do you think that changes the outcome, then? Because it's almost like, when you just said that thought popped into my head that it's like playing a game not to lose to not lose, or playing to win? There's a difference. Like, right, the team that's playing to win is going to win the team that's just playing to not lose?

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, no, I yeah, I'd rather be playing to win. How can I win this? How can I get this client? How can I grow my business? What do I need to do? You know, there's lessons that we learn from every experience? You know, definitely. So every experience that I've gone through, what is the lesson? And what can I do differently moving forward?

Lori Saitz:

Are there tools that you've used to help you dig into that, to move from where you know, whether it was when you were leaving your marriage or leaving your job? Or like, what were the tools that you use to move yourself from fine to a better place? Like, did you use meditation or journaling, or both, couseling?

Tina Kadish:

All three counseling, meditation, and journaling. Reading my Bible, you know, having the faith that things are going to get better believing in myself? Trusting, trusting yourself trusting the process, trusting that things are gonna work out? The way they're meant to work out as well?

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, so were there there were specific tools? I mean, you said it reading. So that's one. Because trusting yourself, like you can walk down the street and go, Yeah, I know, I need to trust myself. But like, then how do you actually do?

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, I mean, I to say, you know, I think for me, what's worked really is the meditation, the journaling, being in great being in gratitude every day, you know, having a gratitude journal, I mean, really, being grateful for what I have right now, even though it's not everything more is going to come. I really believe that. And a lot of times we get into that, you know, when we don't have and why is this working out this way? Why can't I have it? Why is the money not coming? Why are the clients the right clients not coming? You know, those kinds of things?

Lori Saitz:

Focus on the wrong things, right? We're focused on the negative versus positive, which we talked about a few minutes ago. Right? Focusing on Yeah, what's good, what you don't have versus what you do have

Tina Kadish:

So focusing, you know, what you focus on expands? So are we focusing on the negative? Or are we focusing on the things that we do have the positive things because there is a positive thing every day just waking up? Alive? Is is positive? You know, it really is and what you do with that day is up to you? You know, it really is?

Lori Saitz:

Yeah absolutely. Absolutely. And I was on a who you were doing a like a book study with a few people. And one of them mentioned some kind of chart, I have to go back and look because she sent it to me. But it was a chart of how many days we have like if you live in I don't know if it was an average lifespan, but like if you live to 80, how many days or weeks Do you have from this point forward in your life? Like how many are left in a chart, which makes it very, like in your face? This is what's happening? Like because we go through every day think million days left?

Tina Kadish:

Yes, that's right. That's right. So because we don't know when tomorrow is going to be or today could be our last day on earth. Right. Right. We don't know. You know, because everything can change.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, so living with that. What's the word? I'm looking for? It? I don't stay in the moment. That's what I mean. Everybody talks about living in the moment.

Tina Kadish

Right. Right. Right.

Lori Saitz

But living with a sense of urgency.

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, living with a sense of urgency, because you just don't know that tomorrow, you know, because you don't want to live in regret. Oh, I wish I had done this. Yeah. Oh, God. Why didn't I do that? But being grateful that what I you know what we were able to do? And yeah, just what can you do every day?

Lori Saitz:

Yeah, right. What can you do? I love that because the sense of urgency maybe isn't even the right phrase. It's not like rushing through. I get like hair on fire. Gotta get all these things done. It's more of a calm sense of moving forward with intention.

Tina Kadish:

Yeah, it's living life with intention. Yeah, yeah.

Lori Saitz:

Yeah. I love it. Well, I so appreciate you being here. Before we go, what is the song that you listen to when you need an extra boost of energy? Yes, so

Tina Kadish:

Yes so Girl on Fire by Alicia Keys. I love that song. And it just, you know, like, I feel like, that's like, every morning, I think we all need to listen to some music that really gets us fired up. And what I need to do or I want to do is every morning I want to wake up to listen to some great music like that. And so that's a song that really gets me fired up.

Lori Saitz:

Excellent. Where can people find you? And what, what was what's the last thing that you want to leave with us today.

Tina Kadish:

So everybody can visit me on my website lifeisideal.com and it's ideal ideal.com I have a lot of videos there. I have my programs. My book is available on my website and you can get on Amazon. I also, you know, offer a course for my book, as well. So it's all on my website. And getting you know if anybody this resonates with anyone, I offer a 30-minute complimentary call with someone that is in that space that they want to make a change. They're in transition. They want to start a business they want to figure it out. Let's connect.

Lori Saitz:

Awesome, thank you so much for joining me today on Fine is a 4 letter word Tina.

Tina Kadish:

Thank you, Lori for having me today.

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