Most relationship advice treats fun as a reward for getting through the hard stuff - something you earn once everything else is sorted. But the happiest long-term couples treat playfulness as essential, not optional. Waiting for the right mood to strike doesn't work in a busy life. You have to create it, deliberately, and it doesn't take much.
This episode follows Pete and Sam, a couple who'd become excellent co-parents and housemates but couldn't remember the last time they'd genuinely laughed together. A simple two-week challenge, one small fun thing every day, reminded them who they were as a couple. You'll hear the easy ways they brought playfulness back, from terrible jokes to badly danced kitchen discos, plus today's challenge: do one small, fun thing with your partner, no agenda, and notice what it does to the atmosphere between you.
Hosted by Alastair Duhs, relationship coach and creator of Reconnected.
Transcripts
Speaker A:
If you've ever noticed that you and your partner have stopped having fun together and wondered when you last actually laughed together, this episode is for you.
Speaker A:
Because fun isn't a luxury in a relationship, it's one of the things keeping it alive.
Speaker A:
Hi, I'm Alistair Dewes and this is the Daily Relationship Tips podcast where I share simple, practical tools to help you and your partner finds feel close, connected and in love again, one small habit at a time.
Speaker A:
Now, most advice on relationships misses this point entirely.
Speaker A:
Fun in a relationship isn't just what happens when everything else is in order.
Speaker A:
It's not a reward for getting through the hard stuff.
Speaker A:
In the happiest long term relationships, fun is treated as essential, as something woven into ordinary days, not saved for special occasions.
Speaker A:
And when it goes missing, something important goes with it.
Speaker A:
So get into the habit of having fun together, choosing regularly and deliberately to be playful with your partner, to laugh together, to be a little silly, to remember that this person isn't just your co parent or housemate, they're someone you genuinely enjoy.
Speaker A:
Now, many people wait for the right mood to strike to have fun with their partner.
Speaker A:
They think we'll have fun when life gets easier.
Speaker A:
But the desire to have fun together doesn't strike when life is full and pressured.
Speaker A:
You have to create it.
Speaker A:
And the good news is that it doesn't take much.
Speaker A:
A small dose of fun has an outsized effect on how connected a couple feels.
Speaker A:
I worked with a couple, I'll call them Pete and Sam, who had become, in their own words, very efficient.
Speaker A:
They managed the household well.
Speaker A:
They communicated about logistics clearly.
Speaker A:
They were good teammates, but they couldn't remember the last time they genuinely laughed together.
Speaker A:
When I asked them what they used to do for fun before the kids, before the mortgage, before life got heavy, they both lit up immediately.
Speaker A:
Pete mentioned they used to play board games together on Friday nights and it would get competitive and hilarious.
Speaker A:
Sam mentioned they used to make up terrible song parodies to annoy each other.
Speaker A:
Neither of those things had happened in years, so I gave them a challenge.
Speaker A:
Every day for two weeks, they had to do one small thing together that was just fun.
Speaker A:
No productivity, no agenda.
Speaker A:
It could be five minutes or an hour.
Speaker A:
It just had to be genuinely enjoyable.
Speaker A:
The first few days felt a bit forced.
Speaker A:
They admitted they'd been in serious mode for so long that it took a little time to warm up.
Speaker A:
But by the end of the first week, something had shifted.
Speaker A:
Pete had found a ridiculous online quiz about cheese and they'd ended up talking and laughing for an hour.
Speaker A:
Sam had put on a playlist from their early dating days and they'd both ended up dancing badly in the kitchen.
Speaker A:
I forgot we were fun, sam told me.
Speaker A:
I forgot we liked each other like this.
Speaker A:
So here are some easy ways to bring fun into your everyday relationship.
Speaker A:
Watch a funny video together.
Speaker A:
Play a game.
Speaker A:
It doesn't need to be sophisticated.
Speaker A:
Even cards or a silly app will do.
Speaker A:
Take turns telling each other the worst joke you know.
Speaker A:
Act out a scene from a film badly on purpose.
Speaker A:
Try to out complement each other in the most ridiculous way possible.
Speaker A:
The content doesn't matter.
Speaker A:
The shared laughter does.
Speaker A:
I've seen this single habit transform couples who'd become perfectly functional but quietly joyless.
Speaker A:
Fun doesn't solve every problem, but it reminds both people of something important.
Speaker A:
That this relationship is also a source of joy, not just responsibility.
Speaker A:
So here's a small do one fun thing with your partner today.
Speaker A:
Not a big plan.
Speaker A:
Just one small playful moment.
Speaker A:
Something that makes both of you laugh.
Speaker A:
Because here's what this means.
Speaker A:
Long term couples who play together regularly build a reservoir of good feeling that that carries them through the hard patches they have inside jokes, shared memories of laughter, a history of choosing joy together.
Speaker A:
And when life gets difficult, and it always does, that reservoir matters enormously.
Speaker A:
So don't wait for fun to happen.
Speaker A:
Create it.
Speaker A:
Even today.
Speaker A:
Do one fun thing with your partner today.
Speaker A:
Just let yourselves laugh together.
Speaker A:
And notice how even five minutes of genuine play changes the atmosphere between you.
Speaker A:
Now, one new relationship habit is a start.
Speaker A:
But here's what might make the biggest difference for your relationship right now.
Speaker A:
There's a free two minute quiz at daily relationship tips.com that shows you which one or two relations relationship habits will move the needle fastest for you.
Speaker A:
Take just two minutes and you'll know more about your relationship than most couples figure out in a year.
Speaker A:
And while you're there, you'll find a stack of relationship resources to help you put these habits into practice.
Speaker A:
Everything you need is waiting there for you.
Speaker A:
Thanks for listening and I'll see you in the next episode.