Hey there, listener! Thank you for checking out our older seasons! We're adding this note on the top of the show notes to keep you up-to-date with the show. Connect with Jen Amos and get bonus content when you subscribe to our private podcast show, Inside the Fort by US VetWealth, at http://insidethefort.com/

Last Updated: September 2, 2024

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029: "When people have been in a traumatic experience, it's beyond their control. I'm giving people their power back." Yoga Therapy with Anissa Hudak

Anissa Hudak’s life has been intertwined with PTSD/Trauma and the military. Not only is she the daughter of a Vietnam Veteran, she was also married to an active duty member (and Iraq/Afghanistan Veteran) for over 20 years. For 3 years, she volunteered at the Warrior Transition Battalion at Fort Riley, Kansas providing yoga therapy, meditation, and other holistic treatments to the soldiers, family members, and staff. After seeing others struggle, and having her own personal struggles with trauma/PTSD, she was inspired to create the Trauma Healing Yoga Therapy Program. 

Connect with Anissa Hudak at https://www.traumahealingyoga.com/

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Jen Amos 0:00

Welcome to holding down the fort, a podcast show dedicated to curating knowledge, resources and relevant stories. So military spouses can continue to make confident and informed decisions for their families. Because let's face it, we know who's really holding down the fort. I'm Jen amis, a Goldstar, daughter of veterans, spouse, and your host for today's show. Let's get started.

Hey, everyone, welcome back. I'm excited to get into our next interview. But before I do, let's talk about money. holding down the fort is brought to you by us vet wealth. And here at USC pet wealth. We're all about financial education for military families. This year, we're all about creating more education around your Survivor Benefit Plan. Here's an excerpt from our article How to avoid the pitfalls of SBP and VG ally at military retirement from our company website, us fight wealth.com. So here's a little bit more about how the Survivor Benefit Plan works. A retiree gets one chance to make the decision whether or not to take the SPP. The decision must be made at retirement or within a year of a change in life circumstances like remarriage or parenthood. If the veteran has a spouse or retirement, then there is no choice. The spouse and children are automatically enrolled at full coverage 6.5% of the pension unless the spouse elects a lower amount or declines the coverage. The decision as to whether or not to take the SPP rests solely with the spouse who must opt out with a notarized signature. There's no requirement to qualify during the underwriting process. This may seem like an advantage but a plan that doesn't have qualification requirements isn't an advantage for someone in excellent health, who could qualify for a much lower premium rate in the private marketplace. True, the SPP can provide a monthly check to help pay the bills in the event that a service member or veteran dies prematurely. In the long run. However, the amount of money the beneficiary receives in that annuity is usually considerably less than what the monthly premium amounts could have generated as investments and insurance in the private marketplace. And your SPP payments, like Social Security, they are going to some pot of money the government controls and helping to fund current SBP survivor meant payments. They are not being saved and grown somewhere under your spouse's SBP payments 30 years from now. If you have sat through our military retirement SBP briefing, then you have no doubt heard that the argument that SBP premiums are quote unquote paid up after 30 years, meaning that there is a cap on premium payments, while the SPP annuity is paid in perpetuity for as long as a spouse lives. Therefore even as a surviving spouse of a retiree who paid the SPP for the full 30 years only needs to receive the annuity for just under 2.5 years. Beyond those 30 years in order to have recouped the total amount The couple spent on premiums, and the spouse is likely to receive more and annuity payments than was paid into the plan. In some cases this will be true. However, what was paid into the SBP will be a complete loss should the spouse predecease the retiree and annuity payments stopped when the spouse dies, which means that there is no opportunity for the amount of money the retiree and spouse have paid into the SPP plan to provide a legacy for their grown heirs. Furthermore, matter for consideration is that there was no survivor payment and disability income. If the retirees disability payment makes up a significant portion of the income that his or her family depends on that income is simply lost when they're Tyree dies. Regardless of whether or not the SPP has been elected. The only way that SBP makes good all around financial sense with regards to ROI is if a service member dies within a few years of retiring 6.5% of his or her pension adjusted for inflation deducted over a couple of years in return for 35% of his or her pension, again, adjusted for inflation to be paid to the spouse for the rest of the spouse's life sounds like a pretty good deal, as long as the insured retiree dies within a few years of retiring from the military. Alright, and that's a little snippet of the article How to avoid the pitfalls of SBP and the July at military retirement. From our website, US bet wealth.com You can read more by visiting our website or check out our show notes at holding down the fort podcast.com Thanks for taking the time to learn more about your benefits. Now let's get into the interview

All right. Hi, everyone. Happy New Year. Welcome back. My name is Jen Amos and I am your host for holding down the fort podcast and I am stoked one because it's the new year. And also because I have a new person that is helping our community out and doing some good work as well, that I get to introduce on the show today. So I want to introduce you all to an ESA who deck and this is life has been intertwined with PTSD, trauma and the military. Not only is she the daughter of a Vietnam veteran, she also married an active duty member and Iraq Afghanistan veteran for over 20 years. For three years, she volunteered at the Warrior Transition battalion at Fort Riley, Kansas, providing yoga therapy, meditation and other holistic treatments to the soldiers, family members and stuff. After seeing others struggle and having her own personal struggles with trauma and PTSD. She was inspired to create the trauma healing yoga therapy program. Anessa Welcome to the show.

Unknown Speaker 5:53

Hi, thanks for having me.

Jen Amos 5:54

Yes, absolutely. Why don't we start Anissa? With you sharing? How did you hear about the holding down the four podcasts? And more importantly, what compelled you to join us today?

Speaker 1 6:03

Well, you and I got connected on a website called pot it? Yes, which is wonderful. It helps to connect hosts and guests. And what compelled me to reach out to you is that I was a military spouse for 23 plus years. And I worked with my husband very closely with his own PTSD. And I just know how frustrated I was as a spouse. And so I was hoping that I would be able to get information out to other spouses, so they can help their soldiers.

Jen Amos 6:41

Wow, that is really interesting. Because I think for me, when I hear about resources, it's usually geared toward, you know, the active duty service member or the military spouse, but I feel like this is the first time I'm hearing someone such as yourself empowering the military spouse to help out the service member.

Speaker 1 6:58

Well, we don't have a whole lot of resources available to us. And that was my major frustration. And so, you know, we got this diagnosis from my husband, and it was like, Okay, what do we do with it? Like, what does it mean? And because I was a clinician, I understood, I actually knew before we had the diagnosis that this was what the problem was. But even just getting to the point of getting the diagnosis, it's so very hard. And so hopefully, the information that I'm going to share with you today will help other spouses really get a clue into what's happening and how they can be effective.

Jen Amos 7:34

Yeah, absolutely. I am really stoked to get into the information. But before we really dive into it from people that are learning about you, for the first time in ESA, why don't you share just, you know, a typical day for you, particularly what keeps you excited and busy about life nowadays?

Speaker 1 7:49

Well, I'm a mom, I have two teenage boys. And so I spend a lot of time cooking, and spraying room deodorant, because they smell. I love it. So life has been pretty interesting. Uh, you know, we've got one that's graduating this year, and we have a freshman. And so it's been really, you know, very busy. And that's, you know, in that regard, and then just creating my business, and getting that up and off the ground and being able to help people. And so a lot of my day is spent, you know, working, it's quiet, there's no one here, everyone's at school. And I can really hear myself work, you know, think and and get done what I need to get done. And then, you know, when they get home, I put my mom hat on, and you know, it's feeding them.

Jen Amos 8:39

Right, awesome. Well, thank you for giving us a little snapshot of your life today. Now, the purpose of this podcast show is to share education and resources that will enable military spouses to continue to make informed decisions for their family, or what we like to say, hold down the fort. So today Anessa, I'd like to get into what you do as a yoga therapist and founder of the trauma healing yoga therapy program. My first question is, because this is the first time I think I'm really hearing this, but what is the difference between yoga and yoga therapy?

Speaker 1 9:07

So if we think of yoga as a big pie, and since it's lunchtime, let's say it's a pizza pie. And we have there's Fitness based on their therapy base. So on the fitness base side, we've got Ashtanga and brick room and yin and all of these wonderful yummy types of yoga, right. And these professionals who are teaching these classes, they are very well educated. Most of the yogi's that I have met are incredibly educated. And so you're in really good hands. If you are looking for a fitness based class and you go to something like that. On the other side, we have something called yoga therapy. And all of us pretty much started out a lot of us anyway, as Fitness based instructors, and then something you know, kind of caught our eye. And we started to specialize. And so I like to say, if you wanted to get a set of braces on, you're not going to go to your dentist, you're going to go see an orthodontist. And if you need heart surgery, you're not going to go to your general practitioner, you're going to go see a cardiologist. Hmm, you need a specialist. And so yoga therapy is really comprised of individuals who are really masters in their craft, there is yoga therapy for arthritis, Ms. Parkinson's, cancer rehab, cardiac rehab, I mean, all of these, you know, subsets, mine happens to be PTSD and trauma and TBI guys. And that's kind of where my specialty is. And so if you have a need, you really want to see a specialist. If you go down to your corner yoga studio, and you know, you have PTSD or trauma related issues, you could potentially have a triggered episode on your mat, you could have an emotional release on your mat. And these folks are though they're really well educated and what they do, they may not know how to help you, because they're not implicated in trauma. And I've actually heard of some instructors throwing people out of classes, because there's a disruption happening and what have you, and they don't know what they're dealing with. And you know, that puts you at a disadvantage, the instructor at a disadvantage and everyone in the class at a disadvantage. And so you really want to make sure your needs are being met by the right type of professional.

Yeah, absolutely. For people that are hearing about this for the first time, can you describe in your terms, a little bit more about your specialty, like how you focus on PTSD and trauma? Like what what would that look like? Or how can people identify that they may have PTSD or trauma,

getting a diagnosis for PTSD is really, really difficult. And that's because there are so many symptoms, and there's some random, and so you think, you know, you're losing your mind, because you've got all of these, like random things happening to you. And you don't think that they all connected. And you don't probably mentioned that a quarter of them to your doctor. And so that's why it really takes a long time to get the diagnosis. And what happens is, something happens within the body at that moment in the traumatic experience. And it's actually it's a physical thing that happens. It creates all of the symptoms. And so we spend a lot of time dealing with the symptoms, but then also catalysts that occurred in the body, a lot of people aren't tapping into that. And that's what we need to really work on. And that's what we can do in yoga therapy classes. We can take that catalyst, and flip the switch. Hmm,

very awesome. And how would that look like with yoga therapy? So if someone's like, Okay, I definitely, this is what I definitely have I have PTSD, or I have trauma. And I want to look into yoga therapy. Like, I think, first and foremost, how do you make people aware that yoga therapy exists?

We've been trying. Doing podcast is getting the word out. And that's, you know, that that's word one. Really, it's kind of a grass roots movement. It's been around for a while, this is not anything new. What we're doing in the way we're applying it is relatively new, probably since Oh, I'd say the 70s 80s. Like 70s, and 80s. But obviously, Yoga has been around for 1000s and 1000s of years.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. And I think even for me, I was actually just doing a little bit of yoga this morning. My assumption with yoga is usually like, Oh, it's good for stretching, you know. And then as you kind of mentioned that, I think when you get deeper into the practice, you realize that it's more than just stretching. It's a spiritual experience. And now, you know, for you as a specialist, you're saying that it's, it could be a healing experience as well and a therapeutic experience. So I think I think it's very fascinating. I'm glad that we're having this conversation today. Because I could imagine that there are a lot of military spouses who typically try to do everything at home, you know, they try to work out from home, they try to work from home, and a lot of them are probably probably do yoga at home, just sort of like what I do. And so I think it's really good to tell people like hey, yoga is more than just stretching. It's more than just fitness related. It's more than a spiritual experience, but could also be a healing therapeutic experience. And so I really appreciate You talking a little bit more about this today? Can you elaborate a little bit more? Okay, so let's say people are not aware our listeners are listening to this. They're like, Okay, I got to do yoga therapy. Can you walk us through maybe like the science behind yoga therapy and what that process looks like when you are actually doing it?

Yay, I get to see a nerdy. So yeah, actually, everything that I do is science based. And so I'm pulling back the curtain here. You know, everybody thinks that yoga is New Age and woowoo. And it's, quite frankly, it's not. It's all science space. I hate to burst everybody's bubble. What I do is really science based. So even just doing your regular old Fitness based yoga, whatever you're doing your YouTube or whatever. It's all really science based. Hmm. And then, of course, what I do, like I said, is kind of nailed down a little bit farther. So let me back up. Let me explain. If I can the science of PTSD. Yes, please. And then I can explain why yoga therapy works. So we have to to for brains. We have the upper echelon brain that we usually are in most of the time, we do math, we dry, we do all of our higher functioning in this brain. And then we also have this reptilian brain. And the reptilian brain does all the stuff that we never think about. So our blinking our breathing, telling us to go to the bathroom telling us we're hungry, like all that kind of stuff. We don't pay any mind to it. It's kind of like homeostasis, right? That is also where our fight flight and freeze mechanism is held. And you know, we're not supposed to go into that all that often. It's to keep us safe and protected. And it just hangs out there in the background. So now I'm going to switch and I'm going to ask you, have you ever seen two dogs fight?

Yes, I know this. I have a dog. So yes, I see. I've seen it plenty of times.

And so after they're done fighting, and they're walking away from one another, have you noticed what they do?

My dog will probably shake afterward. But he's usually like kind of he walks a little more fast pace. And occasionally he'll like look back, but yeah, usually he'll like shake or like be a little more like fast paced when he walks. Ding

ding, ding, ding, ding, winner winner chicken dinner. Yeah. So what what your dog is doing is resetting his central nervous system. He's had a traumatic experience. And now he has to reset his central nervous system.

So my dog is generally an anxious dog in general, he has separation anxiety. So like, let's say for example, we go to a store and he knows like, what store we're going to he starts to get really excited. He starts whining. And then once we park he shakes. And He does this every time. And I feel like I feel like you just kind of like opened up my mind to think like, oh, whenever my dog has like these intense emotions, he it seems like he he shakes afterward. And I think I know the reason why. But yeah, like you said, kind of, if you could elaborate a little bit more as to why, like, you know, dogs are able to kind of reset in that kind of way by shaking their bodies.

So he has gone into fight flight and freeze mode. Mm hmm. And in order to reset the central nervous system, he has to shake that shaking mechanism takes him out of that mode. Hmm, wow. And back into homeostasis? Well, we like our pets, our animals. So I hate to burst everybody's bubble. But guess what you need to do to reset your central nervous system when you've gone into fight flight or freeze mode.

We have to shake to like the dogs. Wow, I never thought of that.

Okay, okay. Okay. When you've seen someone who's been in a traumatic experience, or they're very emotionally upset or what have you, and you see them shaking as a human, what do you want to do?

I mean, sort of, I mean, if they like shake out of the blue, it's, I mean, it's kind of strange. I find that kind of strange. or weird.

I mean, if you you know, if you see if you've come upon an accident and you see somebody who was you know, involved in that accident and they're shaking, generally as humans we hate to see somebody shake. And so we go console them and we hold them and or an EMT straps into a board. You know, all of these things so they don't shake, huh? This is no bueno. We Need to shake? Because that resets our central nervous system. So we don't then have PTSD. Wow.

So basically, you're saying that when we are in a freeze, flight or fight want to call it stance, the way to get back to homeostasis is to shake. And does this tie into what your work with yoga therapy,

it does. So if someone doesn't shake, then generally, it kind of becomes that they're stuck in fight flight and freeze mode. And then all of a sudden, they start to develop all of these symptoms, depression, anxiety, they. And so it's the symptoms that we kind of wind up treating, but switching that button, getting them out of the fight flight and freeze mode, the shaking, is what we really need to do in order to really get some deep healing going on. And in the yoga therapy, we can actually get people to that point where they are shaking them reset that central nervous system button. So in my class, you're going to get a full body workout. But we do really hone in on certain muscle groups that really hold a motion and trauma, and we work them to exhaustion. And a lot of times I will hear you know, my clients say, I'm shaking, my legs are shaking, I feel like my legs are like jelly, or whatever it is. And I'm like, yep, just let it go. Let it go shake, shake, shake. Because that's them resetting that central nervous system. And it's also them releasing a motion. Wow, baggage. And so it's really incredible what we can do. And you don't even know what's happening. You don't even realize that this is what you're doing. Hmm. Wow, that

sounds really incredible. For anyone that does go through yoga therapy, how long would you say does it take for a person? I'm sure it probably varies, but on average, how long do you think it takes for someone to start seeing results with yoga therapy?

So classes are average, you know, between 45 minutes to an hour and 15 minutes? I don't really teach longer than that. And, you know, initially, generally everyone says to me after a class, I feel so much lighter. Hmm, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me. And you might just feel like, just because you've done yoga. I mean, every person is different. Every person's healing journey is different. And I've had clients come to me, and after three months, say, You know what, I'm good. And then I've had clients that have been with me for three, five years. And I still see him. And so there is the you know, your healing journey is a marathon. It is not a sprint. And you can't compare yourself to anyone else. It's yours.

Yeah, absolutely. Very cool. Very cool. And for our listeners, because we have listeners from all over, do you provide like, is this something that has to be done in person? Or are there a way? Do you also offer like virtual sessions?

No, actually, I do everything online. I live still right outside of Fort Riley, Kansas. I live in a town called Manhattan. And there's probably more livestock here than there is people don't really dig the yoga, so I've had to move everything online.

Wow. Well, that's great news. I'm very happy. You said that. Because it sounds like you know what, when describing yoga therapy, I'm thinking that okay, this sounds like a really intensive thing. It sounds like something that needs to be done in person to really get the healing work in. But I love hearing that you have found a way to take this completely online.

And what's really fun is that the class is very different than your typical, you know, yoga class, most people think that yoga class is very zen. And it's quiet. And it's just the instructor telling you what to do. And my classes are not geared that way. And because of psychological reasons, actually, I refer to my classes as the one hour Anessa stand up routine. Because I'm constantly talking. We are constantly laughing. A lot of time we're talking about food. The reason for this, because I am not a talk therapist. My job is to get the trauma out of your body, not out of your brain. And so I'm human and I can listen to you. But really, I'm trying to keep your brain occupied. Because when it's quiet, that's where we go into those really dark, scary places. And that is not my scope of practice. My scope of practice is to help you release the trauma from your body. So I do sometimes people sit on their mats and talk to me. Absolutely. Yoga is about releasing. And that's totally cool. And I direct them either back to their therapist or to get a therapist or whatever they need. And I listened to them. But I am not a talk therapist. So there's lots of talking, lots of laughing, we do lots of laughing. The lights always remain on. And when I'm cueing a class, it's not like, okay, don't dog, okay, play, you know, whatever. I use different language. And it's okay, when you're ready, we'll meet in child's pose. When you're ready, we will go into down dog. And when you feel like you've had enough here, we're going to move on to whatever. And that's because when people have been in a traumatic experience, nine times out of 10, it's beyond their control. And their control and their power has been taken away from them. I'm giving people their power back. You know, they can come to the next pose in their own time, or I have people who skipped the pose entirely. And that's okay. Because they're listening to their body, and they're honoring their body. And they don't want to go into down dog right now. That's totally cool. As long as they're safe. I don't care.

Yeah, absolutely. I love how it sounds like your yoga therapy sessions just sound a little more vibrant and exciting. And just fun than, you know, I think about most yoga sessions, like the fitness related ones, where it's really about relaxation, and, you know, making it your practice and focusing on you and kind of making it almost like a spiritual experience. I like that you make it kind of sound very communal and fun. And, and I think it's a different take on yoga that I've never heard before. And so it sounds fun to me.

Yes, fun. And it is communal, because you can't heal on your own, you need to have a community, you have to have a support system. And so, you know, even in my classes, I always do them in like half circles, instead of in rows. And that's because we're creating this sacred healing place for people to be in. And it is, it's vibrant. It's fun, you know, when we go into Shavasana, which is our final relaxation. Most of the time in a in a fitness based class, you're on your back, your palms facing up. And it's this quiet meditative state. You can't do that in my class. Oh, okay. Well, people feel when you're on your back, palms are facing up. That's a very kind of spread ego position. And that's very unnerving for some people. And so in my class, you can lie on your back, you can lie on your stomach, your side pillows, blankets, whatever makes you feel comfortable. And during that time, I'm reading to you. Oh, I love that yoga poetry. Sometimes I read about yoga, I'm sorry, essential oils for emotions. I have all kinds of things that I read to people so that way, they're never alone with their thoughts. Mm hmm. Huh. And they're still in touch with the community aspect of the class. So my class is very different. Yeah, absolutely. It sounds like it would then what you would get at your corner yoga studio. And that's totally cool. What you're going to get there is great if that meets your needs.

Yeah, no, definitely. There's one more thing I wanted to ask you. So you've recently decided to focus your efforts to working with women who've been sexually traumatized to help them heal their PTSD. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? And what that looks like? And also, why have you chosen to focus your efforts on on that?

Well, you know, I've had the greatest experience of working with veterans, active duty members, and I loved my time with them. Not only did I see them on posts when I worked with the web, but also in my private studio. I had a lot of, you know, folks coming in. And I absolutely, absolutely loved it. And it was my way of really giving back to that community. And because I was a part of the community. Yes, absolutely. I'm also a two time rape survivor. And I know for me personally, what my mat has done for me, I mean, quite frankly, my mat has saved my life. And when I was working, especially in my private studio practice here, I had several women who had been also sexually assaulted. And for me, working with them really filled my soul. And not that the military members did not I mean, please don't misunderstand. And me, but it was just really personal for me, because I walked that walk every single day. Yeah. And so I just decided that that's really where I need to be. But also, I really, I kind of realized that there was this vortex there was a lack of resources. You know, AAA has a community, you go to a meeting, and you do your steps weightwatchers. Again, you have a community, VA does group sessions, there's the web on a lot of posts, there are a lot of things for military folks. We don't really have a community for women who have been raped, or sexually assaulted or anything. And so that community aspect is so important to healing. And that's what I'm striving to create is this community where we can all get together, we can learn from one another, we can support one another, and know that we're not alone. And heal

together. Very beautiful. And I appreciate you sharing that. And also a little bit about your personal background, I love that you have turned your pain into a passion, essentially, and helping other women, you know, heal from sexual assault. So thank you so much for sharing that. And really, just overall the incredible work that you're doing with yoga therapy. Is there anything else that you want to share with the military spouses or the military community in general, about yoga therapy?

Well, I remember when my husband was, you know, doing deployments, he did three deployments within five years. Wow, they were three year long deployments. Wow. And every time he came home, I noticed that a little less of him came home. But I didn't understand what was happening. And when I started taking these teacher training courses, that's when I got the background information on what is PTSD. You know, we always focus on the symptoms, but we don't focus on that major catalyst. And when I stood not only that major catalyst, but I also understood some of the symptoms that he was displaying. And I thought they were crazy. But I didn't realize they were all interconnected. For instance, we always had to have the blinds closed in the house. And the TV was always blaring, and I couldn't figure out for the life of me, why are we living in this cave with this TV reverberating. And what I came to found out is that PTSD is a very inflammatory type of disorder. And so the optic nerve was inflamed for him. And so light was hurting his eyes. So that's why we had to have the blinds closed, because the light coming in was too much for him. And he couldn't hear the TV because again, the the auditory, in a mechanism in his ear was all inflamed. Mm hmm. And that's why he couldn't hear things. Um, and, you know, he could go to work, and it was highly functioning at work. And yet, when he came home, quite frankly, it was like a shit show. Excuse my language, all good. And so I couldn't figure out why Could this man keep it together at work? And yet, when he comes home, I feel like we're dodging bullets. And it's because at work, they feel more comfortable because they're around people who have experienced things that they experienced. Now, they may not have gone to rage with these people, but they had potentially, you know, similar experiences or whatever. And so there is this camaraderie, brotherhood sisterhood thing going on. At home. I can't possibly imagine what being in a firefight is like, yeah, other than ducking mac and cheese from boys being you know, throwing it at me. Right. I you know, it's, I don't have those same experiences, and so they actually don't feel comfortable at home. Wow, that

work? Yeah, no, that's very interesting. Wow. It's like you think that they would feel safer at home, but based on what you had described? That makes a lot of sense,

doesn't it though? And so, yeah, I mean, there were other, you know, symptoms that he had and what have you. And so, once I started taking these courses, and I started putting the dots together, I was like, Okay, this is what we're dealing with here. Okay. Now, how do I get him to get help? And he was very, very resistant, and it was kind of like an alcoholic. You had to wait for them to hit bottom. And I said to his therapist, I've tried I've been trying for months I've seen him spiral laying down, I didn't want it to get to this point. And he said, there isn't a damn thing you could have done, he had to hit bottom. Yeah. And so what I'd like to say to you know, my fellow spouses is that if you see this happening, go get yourself help, because you were the caretaker, you were holding this all together, you need an outlet, you need help, go get your support that you need. So you can help them across the finish line. Talk to someone, make people understand what's happening in your home, I was embarrassed. I have that. And, and again, my husband was also telling me, I was a bad wife, I was a bad mother, and you know, all of these horrible things. And what I realized it was just it was him lashing out because he was so miserable.

He was projecting.

Yeah, he was and and I was embarrassed. And, you know, he was lieutenant colonel. And so there's that stigma. And I didn't want to ruin his career, and you know, all of this kind of stuff. And it got to a point where it was like, there may not have been all of us living at some point. Now, there were days when I was just grateful that I got us all through the day alive. And I would say, you know, what good is a career, if they're not there to enjoy it, what good is life if they're not there to enjoy it, don't make my mistake. Don't be embarrassed, don't let your ego get in the way, get help, even if it's just for you, and your children get help, until your service member is ready to get the help that they need.

Wow, I Anessa. That is that's so powerful. You sound like an incredible wife, and as well as an incredible individual. And I think this is a good example, to put self care first in your life. Because just like what you said, I feel like there's kind of this norm, where the military spouse has to be everything, you know, for the service member, and everything to their household. And, you know, they're very common stories of military spouses, just feeling exhausted. And I just love that, you know, if there's anything our listeners, take away from today's conversation, is to put yourself first, like, you can't help the service member, you can't help your family if you can't help yourself first. And so I love that you are stressing that, and I am in complete support of that.

And not only that, I mean, it's the whole, you know, if you're on the airplane, you know, put your oxygen mask on. First, you're going to be better prepared to help your service member when they hit rock bottom, if you've been taking care of yourself along the way. And, you know, although I specifically work with women who've been sexually traumatized, if there's any spouse out there that wants to talk, I am totally available to you. And, you know, don't let that curtail you that that's not my scope. I'll talk to you, I'll help you I will, you know, help you get the services you need, or whatever you need. If you even if you just want to talk, I will totally take your call. Because I know what it's like to be that alone.

Yeah, no, beautiful. I love that. Well, Anessa, I want to thank you so much for our incredible conversation today about yoga therapy and the work that you're doing and just a little bit more learning a little bit more about yourself. And the reason why you do what you do for people that in which the show has resonated with them, and they want to reach out to you how can they do that? Well,

you can reach me at my website at trauma healing yoga.com. And I am going to let you in on a little bit of a secret at the bottom of the page on every page is my phone number. And if somebody is really in dire need, call me. Otherwise, you can really tap into me through my website. I'm on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, all all of all the major ones, I'm kind of like a bad penny. I just kind of keep showing up trauma healing yoga.com.

That's okay, that's good. That's good. Omni presents. It's important nowadays, online.

And so I would love to connect with as many spouses as possible, male, female, whatever you need, you know, give me a yell. And you know, we are all sisters and brothers. So I'm always there to help.

Yes, absolutely. And to our listeners, if you did not catch that, don't worry, I include it in the show notes like I always do. Anessa it's been an absolute pleasure speaking with you today. I hope that for our listeners, they were able to gain more education and some resources from our conversation today to help them make informed decisions for their family, or as we like to say, to continue holding down the fort. With that said, and this other thank you again, I appreciate having you on.

Thank you so much. I've enjoyed it. Thank you.

Yes. And to our listeners. Thank you so much for Seeing and we look forward to speaking with you in the next episode. Tune in next time