Shownotes
What if the quirks, questions, and beautiful edges your LGBTQ child expresses aren’t something to fix, but something to fiercely celebrate? This Halloween, we’re flipping the script on fear and reframing what it really means to embrace “the strange.”
So many parents and allies want to support their LGBTQ kids but struggle with the discomfort of difference, especially when it challenges how we were raised or what society tells us is “normal.” In this heartfelt episode, Heather explores how inclusion, identity, and empathy begin at home. You’ll learn why “normal” is a social construct, how fear of difference is rooted in old systems of control, and why allyship means choosing curiosity over conformity.
If you’re a parent who wants to build real emotional safety for your LGBTQ child, this episode gives you practical guidance on how to shift your mindset and create everyday rituals that affirm identity and deepen connection. You’ll hear powerful tools rooted in love, parenting with empathy, and the radical social justice act of letting kids show up as their full selves.
Whether your child is exploring gender, embracing a unique style, or just seems a little “different,” you’ll learn how to meet them with love, not fear, and why your courage to embrace the strange can unlock healing for you both.
Press play to:
- Reframe “strange” as strength and self-expression
- Learn why fear of difference is a learned response and how to unlearn it
- Gain tools to build inclusion, emotional safety, and lasting trust in your parenting
- Discover how Halloween can be a metaphor for real-world allyship
Then head to MoreHumanMoreKind.com for parenting resources, tools for LGBTQ allyship, and weekly guidance on raising brave, compassionate kids.
Hi, I’m Heather Hester, and I’m so glad you’re here!
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At the heart of my work is a deep commitment to compassion, authenticity, and transformative allyship, especially for those navigating the complexities of parenting LGBTQ+ kids. Through this podcast, speaking, my writing, and the spaces I create, I help people unlearn bias, embrace their full humanity, and foster courageous, compassionate connection.
If you’re in the thick of parenting, allyship, or pioneering a way to lead with love and kindness, I’m here with true, messy, and heart-warming stories, real tools, and grounding support to help you move from fear to fierce, informed action.
Whether you’re listening in, working with me directly, or quietly taking it all in, I see you. And I’m so glad you’re part of this journey.
More Human. More Kind. formerly Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen is a safe and supportive podcast and space where a mom and mental health advocate offers guidance on parenting with empathy, inclusion, and open-minded allyship, fostering growth, healing, and empowerment within the LGBTQ community—including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer individuals—while addressing grief, boundaries, education, diversity, human rights, gender identity, sexual orientation, social justice, and the power of human kindness through a lens of ally support and community engagement.
Resource Spotlight
Books & Articles:
- Brené Brown, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone (2017).
- Audre Lorde, Sister Outsider (1984).
- bell hooks, All About Love (2000).
- Roxane Gay, “The Case for Weirdness” (New York Times, 2020).
- Adam Grant, Originals: How Nonconformists Move the World (2016).
- The Atlantic, “The Perils of Pursuing ‘Normal’” (2022).
For Parents and Educators:
- PFLAG National: “How to Talk to Kids About Identity.”
- GLSEN: Inclusive Schools Toolkit.
- Teaching Tolerance: “Breaking the Myth of Normal.”
Transcripts
Tonight, we honor the strange, the parts of us that refuse to disappear.
Speaker A:The quirks, the courage, the beautiful edges that make us human.
Speaker A:Maybe the real magic of Halloween isn't about pretending to be someone else.
Speaker A:It's about finally daring to be ourselves.
Speaker A:Welcome to More Human, More Kind, the podcast helping parents of LGBTQ kids move from fear to fierce allyship and feel less alone, more informed, so you can protect what matters, raise brave kids, and spark collective change.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Hester.
Speaker A:Let's get started.
Speaker A:In today's episode, you'll reframe strangeness as strength, as something to celebrate, not fix.
Speaker A:You'll understand the psychology behind fear and the unfamiliar, and you'll walk away with small, powerful ways to build belonging by transforming everyday moments of discomfort into opportunities for connection.
Speaker A:And then stick around at the end for today's unlearn, where we will challenge the myth that normal is the goal.
Speaker A:Happy Halloween, and welcome back to More Human, More Kind.
Speaker A:I'm Heather Hester, and today we're talking about what it really means to embrace the strange.
Speaker A:Not the spooky kind, but the everyday kind.
Speaker A:The quirks, the curiosities, the pieces of our kids, our communities, and ourselves that don't fit neatly into the box marked normal.
Speaker A:I know that you care about belonging.
Speaker A:You want your kids to feel seen, safe, and celebrated.
Speaker A:And maybe you've also noticed how hard that can be when difference shows up in ways that make us uncomfortable, when it challenges what we've always known, or at least the stories we were raised to believe.
Speaker A:In this episode, we'll explore why we fear what's different, how strange has always been another word for expansion.
Speaker A:And what happens when we stop trying to make our children and ourselves smaller for the sake of fitting in.
Speaker A:If we don't embrace the strange, we risk teaching our kids to hide their magic.
Speaker A:And we all deserve a world that's big enough for every kind of beautiful.
Speaker A:I have to start today with a little bit of a confession.
Speaker A:I used to be obsessed with fitting in.
Speaker A:I wanted my kids to fit in, too.
Speaker A:To be polite, presentable, easy to explain.
Speaker A:But what I've learned on this beautifully messy journey is that fitting in is not the same as belonging.
Speaker A:And perhaps even more importantly, I've come to see that when we teach our kids to sand down their edges for acceptance, we also teach them to hide their magic.
Speaker A:Strange doesn't mean wrong.
Speaker A:It means unfamiliar.
Speaker A:From an anthropological view, what culture calls strange simply marks the edge of its comfort zone.
Speaker A:Historian Peter Gay once said said the abnormal is the normal, seen through anxiety.
Speaker A:When a child wears clothes that defy gender norms, asks questions that make adults squirm, or claims an identity we didn't expect, that's not deviance, it's expansion.
Speaker A:The word strange comes from the Latin extraneous, meaning from the outside.
Speaker A:So to embrace the strange literally means to welcome what comes from beyond ourselves, to make space for the outside within.
Speaker A:That is literally the essence of growth.
Speaker A:We as human beings are wired for belonging.
Speaker A:Psychologist Abraham Maslow placed belonging just above survival needs.
Speaker A:It's that essential.
Speaker A:So when something feels different, our brains register it as a potential threat.
Speaker A:That fear gets amplified by culture.
Speaker A:Normal is rewarded, different is questioned or pitied.
Speaker A:We internalize messages that comfort equals safety.
Speaker A:But safety without authenticity is a cage.
Speaker A:And the truth is that every major movement toward justice and creativity in human history began with people who were labeled strange.
Speaker A:The suffragists, the abolitionists, the artists, the scientists who dared to say, the earth moves around the sun.
Speaker A:The queer kids who danced when the world told them to hide.
Speaker A:As queer historian Roxane Gay says, the world changes because someone was brave enough to be strange first.
Speaker A:So how can we as parents embrace strange.
Speaker A:First?
Speaker A:Like so many of the things, pause your reflex.
Speaker A:When your child does or says something that surprises you, notice your first reaction.
Speaker A:Is it fear of judgment?
Speaker A:Worry about what others will think?
Speaker A:Fear for your child's safety?
Speaker A:Pause, breathe, and choose curiosity instead of control.
Speaker A:The second thing we can do is to ask, not assume.
Speaker A:We can say something like, tell me more about that.
Speaker A:When a kid feels safe explaining themselves, they also learn that their difference is worth understanding.
Speaker A:Third thing we can do is model comfort with discomfort.
Speaker A:Talk openly about your own weirdness.
Speaker A:Embrace it.
Speaker A:Share a story of a time you felt, quote, unquote, too much or not enough.
Speaker A:Kids learn belonging by watching us belong to ourselves.
Speaker A:And the fourth thing you can do is celebrate the quirky and the unpredictable.
Speaker A:Make weird dinners where everyone eats breakfast for dinner in costumes or tells a weird story from their day.
Speaker A:Celebrate and honor your family's inside jokes, odd talents, or small rebellions in a way that is just for your family unit.
Speaker A:These rituals teach that strangeness is safe and joyful and most of all, human.
Speaker A:When Connor first came out while completely unprepared, Steve and I thought we did a pretty good job overall.
Speaker A:Our main goal was always that he knew that he was completely and fully loved and that we were there to support him, even as we asked the most ridiculous questions and literally fumbled over every new milestone or roadblock, as it would seem at the time.
Speaker A:But then came the Small daily moments.
Speaker A:The sideways looks, the awkward silences, the feeling that suddenly we didn't fit in some spaces.
Speaker A:And that's when I realized embracing the strange isn't about grand declarations.
Speaker A:It's about staying present when difference makes you feel exposed.
Speaker A:It's about saying this discomfort, I can hold it, because your authenticity is worth more than my ease.
Speaker A:Embracing the strange is an act of faith.
Speaker A:And our kids and ourselves and in humanity.
Speaker A:It's believing that what makes us uncomfortable might also be what makes us sacred.
Speaker A:Every October, we put on masks and celebrate what's weird and wild.
Speaker A:But real courage is taking the mask off on November 1st and loving what we see underneath.
Speaker A:So tonight, as ghosts and witches and every costume imaginable fills the streets to trick or treat and maybe even get into some good trouble.
Speaker A:Maybe look for the strange that lives in your own home.
Speaker A:The kid who loves something you don't understand.
Speaker A:The part of you that still worries what others think.
Speaker A:And whisper to both, you're safe here.
Speaker A:I want you to take a few moments and think about what normal means in your home and who does it leave out?
Speaker A:Where do you feel resistance to someone's difference?
Speaker A:And what might that resistance teach you?
Speaker A:What could you celebrate this week that once made you uncomfortable?
Speaker A:And how might your family practice curiosity instead of conformity?
Speaker A:Kindness here is about the permission to exist outside of expectation.
Speaker A:It's the kind of kindness that says, you don't have to match me for me to love you.
Speaker A:And that's the kind of kindness that changes everything.
Speaker A:Today's Unlearn is about the myth that normal is the goal.
Speaker A:We were taught to aim for normal, to blend in, behave, be appropriate.
Speaker A:But normal has never been neutral and has always meant conform to the majority.
Speaker A:What if normal isn't the target, but the trap?
Speaker A:What if the actual goal is authenticity?
Speaker A:Living so truthfully that labels like normal or strange lose their meaning.
Speaker A:When we stop chasing normal, we start discovering what's real.
Speaker A:This week, choose one small way to celebrate difference.
Speaker A:Compliment someone's eccentric outfit.
Speaker A:Let your child decorate their room exactly how they want.
Speaker A:Share your own weird story at the dinner table.
Speaker A:Every time you honor strangeness, you make the world a little kinder.
Speaker A:Today we explored what it means to embrace the strange in our families, our communities, and ourselves.
Speaker A:And we learned that strange isn't what divides us, it's what expands us.
Speaker A:When we make room for the strange, we make room for the sacred.
Speaker A:That's the real magic of Halloween and of humanity.
Speaker A:Thank you so much for spending part of your Halloween with me.
Speaker A:I hope that you see the strange and a new light tonight.
Speaker A:Something that is curious, beautiful and completely human.
Speaker A:Remember, new episodes drop every Tuesday and Friday, so make sure you subscribe and follow so you never miss an episode.
Speaker A:If you want to keep exploring what it means to raise brave, kind kids and to unlearn fear along the way, visit MoreHumanMoreKind.com for resources and reflections.
Speaker A:Until next time, stay curious and stay kind and embrace the strange.
Speaker A:This October we've walked through fear together, from monsters and masks to witch hunts and history, and maybe what we've learned is this.
Speaker A:Fear has always tried to control, but love keeps finding its way back.
Speaker A:As we turn the page to November, we'll keep exploring what courage and connection look like in real time, how we build communities rooted in empathy, action and hope.
Speaker A:Join me @morehuman more kind.com for weekly reflections, tools and ways to stay connected.
Speaker A:Because this work doesn't end here, it evolves with us.
