In a world full of self-care advice, what does 'fill your cup first' even mean? Tazmin and Sarah discuss why self-care is important, what it actually is and easy to implement strategies to implement it.

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Sarah McDowell 0:06

Hello, and a very warm welcome to the SEO mindset podcast where your hosts are myself Sarah McDowell, and the ever so wonderful Tazmin Suleman. So this week, we are discussing the many types of self care. And I'm all for this because I need to do a bit of TLC do a bit of self care for myself. So very excited to get into this week's topic with Tazmin. But before I do that, just a reminder of how you can support the podcast. So if you are a regular listener, or even the first time that you're listening to us, and you're like, actually quite enjoying what Tazman and Sarah are doing here, there are lots of different ways that you can support us. And I am going to give you two of those ways. First up, you can give us a one off donation. So me and Tazmin are set up on buy me a coffee. So buy me a coffee is just a place where creators. So other podcasters, for example, like me and Tazmin can receive donations, one off donations from their listeners. So yeah, I would be very much appreciative if you could do that. And there is a link in the show notes to do so. Alternatively, or additionally, should I say, we are on Twitter. Or X, as you know, you kind of lose track of what is being called at any given time. But we are on we are on Twitter. So if you want to connect with us, if you want to shout us out, ask me in Tazmin question, suggest a podcast episode. Yeah, you can do that by reaching out to us on Twitter. And like the donation, you can follow links in the show notes so that you can find us follow us and start engaging. Right, let's welcome Tazmin to the episode. Hello, Tazmin.

Tazmin 2:25

Hello,, how are you?

Sarah McDowell 2:28

I'm very well, thank you very, very well, how about yourself?

Tazmin 2:34

I'm well, I'm really looking forward to talking about self care. But if any of our listeners are thinking, Oh, no boring self care, wishy washy stuff. Do not think it's wishy washy stuff. It is really, really important. And it's critical to the success you have in your life. So we're going to be talking about what it is, how to, you know, different types and how to incorporate it into your life. But the episode was prompted by a few conversations I had, one of them was with my clients, and like she, like many of my clients have a real problem with self care thinking it's a luxury. And when her time loads, and you know, her demands on life increased, she found that she was pushing her self care further and further down the priority list. So I think that's true of many. They see it as a luxury and have a different, difficult relationship. But then more recently, I had a much younger lady who came to my journaling workshop, and she says her generation didn't have a problem setting aside time for self care. But she didn't know what to do with the time when she set it aside. So she wanted to learn more about it.

Sarah McDowell 3:53

Yeah, and I suppose when when you think about self care, images that come to mind is hot, bubbly baths. Yes. Reading a book and stuff, but it goes far deeper than that. And yeah, and it's really interesting that you had those conversations because I feel like I resonate with a lot of them. So especially with the latter one because whilst I know that I need to put time out for self care, it is like what is self care? What What can I be doing? And also, can you incorporate self care in your lunch break at work, or does that not count and then space? It's all those sorts of questions. So I'm very looking forward to this topic. Excellent.

Tazmin 4:56

Let's dive in. So you asked you know what is self care. For me, it's everything that you can do to look after your health. So it's your body, your mind, your spirit. It's not just about the physical. And it's what fuels us. It's what gives us energy and the quality of our self care, then reflects in the quality of our life. So, I've said this time and time again, self care isn't what you do when you're broken. It's what you do every day to keep you from not just breaking, but actually thriving. And there's a whole section in the things that I teach about, what is recharge, what does recharge mean to you. How do you get that recoup that you need to then enable you to go off and do whatever it is that you're doing? So it's not negotiable? It is what you should be doing every single day?

Sarah McDowell 5:59

I suppose. Yeah. So I'm all for a routine. And habit, so I do stuff because it's part of my routine, or it's a habit, or it's something that I need to do. Like, for example, I know that every day I need to go out with Benny the dog. I need to take him for a walk. So I suppose it's getting it is important, but it's getting into the habit. While it's making it a habit, I suppose, isn't it that self care is part of your routine. It's a non negotiable, it's part of daily stuff. Because if you're using self care, because you feel broken, then you're a bit late, I suppose. Not saying that. Because I'm guessing self care can help when you're broken, or you feel broken. But obviously, that can be a sign that you've let it slide a little bit too long.

Tazmin 6:57

Yeah. Yeah. And you know, even those people who are really good at self care, and then if something happens, there might be a family circumstance or whatever it is. And it slips. I know when that happens to me, I can tell. I know that I'm ratty, less open to opportunities, more argumentative. Can you imagine me being argumentative server?

Sarah McDowell 7:27

Not at all.

Tazmin 7:35

If you've never incorporated self care into life, that doesn't mean you can't learn. But it's having some things will be routine, and daily. Some things will be once in a while. And that can be more fluid, especially if you are doing something you know, like social with friends with family. So once they go through different types of self care, and some are obvious, and some are less obvious, so we might need to take a break. At some point before I get to the end, and just see how we go for time. physical self care is one of the types and main categories in this are how much you sleep and how well you sleep. Your nutrition, your hydration, your exercise, even things like haircare skincare, all of the things to do with your body. And sleep is is a really important one because I think it's one that we push to the side. And we we end up making our working day longer at the sacrifice of our sleep thinking Oh, it's okay. I don't need to have detailers, I can survive on three tonight. And once in a while I'm fine. But that has a huge impact on your your ability to concentrate your stress levels so much. Again, nutrition and hydration is what fuels your body. Exercise is what keeps keeps you moving keeps you active. Are there any in that chunk that you think needs improving in your life?

Sarah McDowell 9:32

All of them apart from sleep. I'm quite good at sleep. People are always impressed with my ability to sleep and because I do love sleep. I do prioritise that, so I tend to get eight, nine hours. Obviously there's times where for whatever reason why where I can't sleep, but that's very rare for me. For me, and hydration, so I am in a really good habit of got a glass of water here. But when I'm sat doing my work, because I work from home, or if I'm doing that, yeah, I'm very good because I've got a glass of water in front of me. And I'm always drinking because it's habitual. And I also use going to fill up my glass, a break from the screen. So there was a time as I called, do I have a bottle, and I was actually no, if I have a glass, then that gives you more times to take a break and step away from the screen. So sleep and hydration have pretty much got nailed. Or, I would say our most strongest bit. Nutrition is a tricky one for me and Tash, because we're really good when we have food in and we've got a plan and we've got a structure. And we know what we're going to cook. But because we're such busy individuals, there's times where we don't have time to a food shop or we run out of food. So then we end up not doing the nutritious meals and go into Sainsbury's local, and picking up what's ever easiest or doing a Deliveroo exercise. So I'm always walking. So I'm always doing that with Benny the dog, but also I enjoy walking anyway. And I do and I do kickboxing once a week as well. One to One. I do you want to do more. And I yeah, I'm looking at introducing another thing that I can commit to so like a gym class once a week. Skin care could be better. So I have facewash and I moisturise and stuff but I need to get a better routine. So yeah, that's how I'd answer these questions.

And it's about scheduling. It's about making that chunk of time for you. So with the nutrition I'm much like you if I have planned ahead of time and I know what I'm doing and I've done a shot. Mealtimes are great if not, it's not good. So recently, maybe this sounds a bit OTT but I've got a spreadsheet of one columns got all of the veg curries be like in one columns, got all of the lentil curries we like and whatever, whatever, whatever. And then I will choose the things that we want to eat that week. And then I've the first time ever I did an online shop. I'm not really good at online shops, who's a click and collect. But I just as I was planning, I just did the order and then we collected it and I thought okay, fine. Now I can cook. Let's finding ways of doing it. There the next bucket of self care because you always hear don't you got to fill your cup you have to before you can fill anybody else's. So this is another cup of self care is your emotional and mental self care. So examples of this are the content that you're consuming. So what are you reading, listening, watching? That's going to impact how you're feeling? Not saying never watch a horror film, or never watch the news. But really ask yourself how much of what I am consuming is energising me is empowering me is making me feel more motivated. That's that's a huge chunk, I think, especially with social media. Another part is your main relationship. How good is that main relationship the person that you're living with? Your partner, it could be a sibling could be a parent, how good is that relationship? Because that's going to have an impact on your self care. And this then spills into also your work culture. Because we spend so much time with our work colleagues, what is the culture their physical environment and I know I've banged on about this I hate a cluttered house and I can feel it zapping my energy when there's when things aren't organised. So last weekend I organised a spice cupboard. Gosh that made me feel so, so good. I saw this thing lit looking at my spice cupboard and he very dutifully looked and said the right things and made the right noises and also spirituality Now this doesn't mean necessarily religious this could be going to retreat. This could be meditations could be walking out in nature. So there's huge ways of developing your emotional and mental self care.

Well, the one that is jumping out at me is content consumed. Because I am a bit of a doom scroller. Instagram is probably my go to scrolling of choice or Twitter. Yeah. It's also important to keep up to date with what's going on in the news. And but the news is not normally positive as well. So yeah, it made me laugh when you said about horror film, because I will never watch a horror film. I do not enjoy them in the slightest. But something that me and Tasha do enjoy is like, sort of like crime programmes, like Netflix like to climb or I don't know, not to climb, but like who'd done it or stuff like that. So content, consumers definitely sort of stand out to me because I am doing better. So I wanted to do better. So I've joined a book club, because I want to consume more content that will help me grow, and trying to subscribe to more podcasts that are helping with my mental well being, and what have you. I'm trying to pick more healthy habits in that. I'd love to do meditation, but I'm not, I need to get practised at that, because I just end up falling asleep. Me and Tash will try and do it together. And we'll come around and Tash will say, yeah, you just fell asleep. And so yeah, and your main relationships is a biggie as well. So obviously, your partner, and I'm very fortunate and very lucky that Tash is very loving. And we have a relationship where we, we build each other up, and we support each other. But we're also like that if each other needs to lean. So say some of its going on with whatever, and they need a bit more support, or they can't show up as much, then I'm very lucky there. But yeah, it's not it's other relationships and the relationships that you said like, like, your friends, your work colleagues, your family members as well, I suppose it's been aware of that. So yeah. And again, I'm pretty Yeah, I'd say unfortunate in those sort of relationships that I've got. So yeah, and physical environment is a biggie for me, because I'm very much like, where I am working, the physical environment needs to. Yeah, so for example, I felt bad about this, because for my birthday, Tash decorated the kitchen, but in doing so a lot of stuff had to be moved into the spare bedroom where I work. And then I was like, I'm gonna have to come to work in a crowded space. But I felt bad thinking that because I Tash has done a good thing. Do you know what I mean? And I'm getting annoyed because there's a beanbag in this room that's not normally here, or like more washing that's drying behind me and stuff. So yeah, at times Tazmin time, we need to take short break, don't we?

Okay, we can do that.

Sorry, I, were you going to say something?

Let's take a short break now. And then when we come back, there's one more, that's more of an obvious one, and then there's two that are a little less obvious.

Wonderful, I look forward to it.

So Sarah, we are back after the break, talking about self care. And I'm gonna dive straight into the third type, which is social self care. So this is all about connection support, because we are social beings. And examples of this are, what is your self care look like with your friends and family? You know, going out having those social get togethers, but it's also about how much you feel that you belong at work. So that your sense of belonging, which again, then impacts imposter syndrome, is if you're in a work environment where you feel safe, where you feel supported, where you feel you belong, you're less likely to feel like an imposter syndrome imposter and also community. So we're seeing more and more of online communities popping up. Also, I'm noticing a lot more social clubs that are popping around my area, it's really important to spend some of your time with those in those environments with other people connecting socially.

Nice.

I'm gonna go on to the next one quickly, because I think, I think that's quite self explanatory one. But the fourth type is creative self care, though human beings are creative beings as well. And I don't think people realise how important doing something creative is to them. Because it gives them a sense of accomplishment. It is fun, it stimulates your imagination. It's like it's plaids how we learned way back when when we were kids, and then somewhere along the line is sort of dropped that it's also a way of expressing yourself, personally. And this could be artistic things like music and dance, not me, just putting it out there, not me. It could be writing, it could be creating content, which I suppose in a way podcast takes for us. It could be craft, it could be DIY, cooking, gardening. But then it can also be things like problem solving. So this could be puzzles, this could be coding, this could be building websites, it's you might think, you know, I'm doing a jigsaw puzzle that is that self care, or I'm building a website in my own time, you wouldn't necessarily think of it as self care, but it is it's part of you looking after yourself emotionally and mentally.

Yeah, and just because you never when you think of self care, creativity is important that you that doesn't instantly spring to mind. But you're so right, because we do we love a sense of accomplishment, we love to be stimulated. And we'd love to be able to have a bit of self expression. And something that came to mind is, so you said about music and dance. But it could also be through sport, or the fact that I do kickboxing. There was a part of my life where I did my first team sport, and that was roller derby. Do you know what I mean? So that's another way that you can express yourself. When me and Tash went away, we did a puzzle together. And that was lovely. Because rather than sitting and watching something on Netflix, we did something together. And we had a little system. There was a mini there could there's a little disagreement in because we both had different ways that we wanted to attack the jigsaw puzzle. But yeah, it's so creative. self care is so important. And yeah. With your building websites or coding, that's personal growth as well. So if there's something that you want to learn, so for example, with podcasting, for example, when I first got into it, I had to learn how to edit a podcast. Do you know what I mean? But that's personal growth as well. So yeah, very important. bucket or cup?

You say anything you like, anybody wants to call them a bucket called the bucket cup, finds healthcare. But it leads me on to the fifth one, which is suppose you've just mentioned intellectual self care. And this is one that people again, don't necessarily think about parts of you, is wanting to grow is wanting to develop. And when you go through life, and not pay that part of you any attention, you're not going to feel as fulfilled. There'll be that niggling feeling inside you that you know that something's not quite right, something's missing. Because when you are spending time on your intellectual self care, you're nourishing your mind you're processing. It's a big human need. And this can look different to everyone. It could be your traditional, you know, taking a course or reading or writing or learning a new language. But it could also be running a podcast, as you said, or having another side hustle. And all of in many of these buckets, cups, whatever. They can further they can merge into each other. So for example, one of the things that I'm doing with my cousins this year is this. There's four of us in our cousins group, and we're going to post one nutritional, healthy recipe a week. So we only had to do one a month because there's four of us. Now that's going to help with my physical self care. That's also creative. That's also connection, because I think my customers are great. And we're collectively creating a Salomon cookbook. So it doesn't have to be honour. There's all these carbs and all this thing. I've got things I've got to do. A lot of them can be bundled, if you like.

Yeah, definitely.

So, I'm gonna talk a little bit about tips on how to fit self care into your schedule. And then maybe we can have a little chat about any ideas that you have. One of the things I've done this year in Google Calendar, I've created my ideal week. So I've gone into Google Calendar said create new calendar, it's called ideal week. And I've built in things that I need on a weekly basis, daily basis, like exercise, like reading, like my sleep time. So my bedtime is in there, my wake up time is in there. My morning routine is in there. my evening routine is in there, and it's bright orange. So when I have all of my calendars overlaid, I know exactly how much time I've got left to do the work I've got to do. Everything else has to work around those blocks. Now what's not in there are things like, meeting my cousin's or going out with my husband, that's more fluid, but at least I've got the bulk of what I need to do. And I've also got to my lunchtime is in there, and my learning time is in there. So that's one way, you can make sure that you're prioritising it because you're directing it. Another thing you can do is have a self care menu. So we've talked about this, have half a menu. What can I do? If I've got five minutes spare? What can I do if I've got 15 minutes. And when you've got those little bits of time, rather than reaching for the phone, and going on Instagram, you may at that moment think. Oh, I've got a self care menu and think of it like a menu, you've got your starters and you've got your light bites, and you've got your main courses and main courses, maybe I'm going to go for a walk in holiday, or I'm going to go and visit somebody. So when you've got that time, you know what you can pick off your menu. So that's another idea. Another idea is cut yourself some slack, don't over formulate everything, leave some time spare for fluidity. So I'm reading this book called 4000 weeks. And he's saying in it that it's time management has left us feeling really anxious. And productivity has left us feeling burnt out. And what we're doing is a lot more stuff. But is it really stuff that we're enjoying? What about joy? What about wonder? So leave some time to just be and enjoy your day?

Not that ice it see that? Sorry? Yeah, I'll just interject, I did see that post on LinkedIn. And because it made me laugh, because you're like, This is a bit morbid, but I've worked out that I've got such and such left. I know. But yeah, I need to that looks like a fantastic book. So what was it 4000, 4000?

Weeks. So he's saying, on average, people have 4000 weeks. And, and I worked out I'm 75% done. But I've only got a bit more left. But what it's made me do this week is, I'm sorry, this year is every week, at the end of the week on my Instagram stories, I post a story about something personal and share it with select friends. Ilias video called me and I sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to him and he smiled throughout. So that's definitely one of my wins, one of my moments of joy.

Very good, before you carry on, I have just added, so when this episode is live, in the show notes there will be a link to that book. So that 4000 book, if you want to go check it out, it's in the episode's show notes.

Tip number four is, think of it like an MVP. So minimum viable products. We know all about it in the world of tech If with your self care, so for example, if you wanted to talk about emotional self care, you know, I really want to go on a holiday with my husband, but it's not feasible. What else would give you that level of connection with your husband, with your partner with your sister with whoever? So for me, would it be lovely to go on holiday with her saying, yes, it would. But actually 30 minutes sat eating a cooked breakfast on a Sunday morning, while we talk about what's going on in each other's lives is also fine. So that's my minimum viable product if you like. So don't feel that it's got to be huge. It's got to be overbearing, just think, what am I trying to achieve here? And what's the minimum way I can do it? So some people will have a two hour morning routine, some people can't, you know, sit for mushroom tea and meditate for three hours. Okay, what is it that's going to give you that sense of Yes, I'm ready for the day. It could be and it's back to me and my, my tea habit. Sitting down five minutes, house quiet, sipping my tea and enjoying it. And in the summer, I do it in the garden. Alright. And my last tip, which is my tip, anyway, for life, quit perfectionism. Don't over it over formulate it. Have a go play around with ideas, see what works. What are you having fun with? And just go with it?

I can see the show notes. And you've coined a very good term that you didn't just say...

Good-enough-ism.

Quit perfectionism. Good-enough-ism it is.

Look, I've 75% done with my weeks of living. I haven't got time for perfectionism. I am happy with good enough.

We that's it. Thank you for sharing. Yeah, so some very actionable ways that we can be implementing self care. I particularly love the self care menu, because there are days or weeks where I've got more time than others, depending on what is going on. So I love the idea. Okay, I've got five minutes, or, or yeah, I've got 15 minutes. So I've got an hour. So I love the idea of having a menu that you could be like, hmm, okay, yes, I'm gonna do that. And then another thing that sprung to mind, and I think we spoke about this on the podcast is habits stacking. So you can apply that with self care. So something that I'm thinking about is, I said earlier, that I want to listen to more positive self help. podcast episodes. So something that I do every day is I take Benny the dog out, so I can listen to her podcast at the same time. Or I know for example, me and Tash will always watch at least one episode of whatever we're watching. on Netflix a day, maybe we need to cut that down. But at the moment, we do that as a bit of self care. We'll we'll have dinner and we'll chit chat, but then we'll watch a podcast episode. But something that I want to do is stretch. Yeah, like flexibility. Stretching is really important for us. And something that I've tried, I did get a need to get back into the habit of doing it. But when we're watching a podcast, now, we're watching a Netflix episode. At the same time I do my stretches. Yeah. So habit stacking, I think is what you call it.

Absolutely. It's like one of the things that I'm trying to form a habit. I'll be in the kitchen in the morning, I'll make breakfast. Actually then to cut up a bowl of fruit takes five minutes. But if I've got that bowl of fruit, then I'm less likely to snack on things that are fueling my body less. If I want chocolate, I'll have chocolate, but at the same time, I want to set myself up for success. So this morning, it took me very little time to prep my porridge and while that was cooking, I chopped a bowl of fruit for myself.

And have you eaten this bowl of fruit?

I have eaten this bowl of fruit and I had leftover chicken from the other night which I turned into a glorious salad with avocado and salsa and roasted veggies. So I've eaten all I'll say I had Apple and date porridge and this glorious salad and I've had a bowl of fruit. And I've got my vegan curry and flatbreads for dinner.

Nice nice. See, I've had a fairly nutritious day. So I did start off the day with pain aux chocolat. But I then had some grapes as my mid morning snack. And then we went for Thai food for my birthday last night. And we came back with leftovers. Now, I know that there's a lot of oil and probably bad stuff for me so sugar, but because we are vegan. We have a lot of vegetables in our dish. So there was a tofu and bean sprout dish. There was another one with roasted cashews that had a load of vegetables in. So yeah, like I had, I've had some vegetables, which is good. And then obviously did it and I did it tonight it's a bit more started a bit more comforting because it is jacket, potatoes, sausages and salad. But the salad is going to be good because I'm going to put an avocado in there. beet root and sweet corns and beans in there. So yeah. Yeah, I'll go very hungry now. Record recording. Yeah, we're recording it 10 to eight for transparency. And behind the scenes. It is 10 to eight when we're recording this podcast episode. So Tasman is starting to look like a jacket potato to me right now because I just want to I'm so hungry.

Oh, I hope all of our listeners have enjoyed this episode. And I suppose my my takeaway or not my takeaway. My last tip is that you're really important and your health, your mental health, your creativity, your intellectual vitality. All of that is so important. That's That's you, that's you and your life. So do not think that you need permission to look after yourself. You don't need anyone to tell you how to look after yourself. I've given you the main areas. I've given you some examples, but you do you. But do you, you know because your success will depend on how well you look after yourself. There's tips on how you incorporate it into your life. Habit stacking have examples, just and reach out. Anybody who wants any questions answered on it. You know where I am. You find me on LinkedIn, you can find me on various platforms, reach out, ask me the question, and I will help where I can.

And remember, quit perfectionism because good enough ism. And I'm going to hammer that home is good enough, isn't it? Absolutely. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much. That was a cracking episode. Thank you very much for putting that together. Welcome. Cool. Sounds good. Very valuable for our listeners. And yeah, not only are you now fully aware of all the different types of self care, and it's not just hot, bubbly baths, is it? It's so much more. And we've given you tips of how to implement self care. So yeah, get implemented. And let us know. Let us know how you getting on.

And again, before we wrap up and say goodbye for another week, a reminder of how you can support us. So you can give us a one off donation. So again, you can do that via buy me a coffee link in the show notes to find out more. And yeah, it's pretty straightforward. So there'll be a link to us and buy me a coffee and you can basically buy us coffees. One, a couple, several, it's completely up to you. And Twitter, or X. We're calling it Twitter. It's weird calling it X. We are not on board. But yes, reach out to us on Twitter. We love. We love hearing from listeners. We love it when people share episodes or let us know how a podcast episode has really resonated with them. We also love hearing from you about what topics you'd like us to discuss as well because that's really great. But also, maybe there's an episode that you listen to and you're like I implemented this because of it. Just let us know. We'd love to know how you're doing. So for example, after this episode about self care, let us know how you're getting on with that. Let us know. But yeah, we appreciate you and I appreciate you Tazmin.

Likewise, I appreciate you too, take care Sarah.

Until next time!