Episode 18: Celebrating Our Fathers - From Laughter to Heartache and Everything In Between

Welcome to The Mirror Project!

Hello and welcome to The Mirror Project! We’re your hosts, Alexandra and Christine, and we’re thrilled to have you with us. With Father's Day around the corner, today’s episode is all about our dads. From fun childhood memories to navigating the loss of a parent and dealing with chronic illness, this episode promises a mix of laughter, tears, and everything in between.

Stay Connected

Before we delve into today's riveting topic, make sure to hit that like, subscribe, or follow button on your favorite listening platform. Let's make this journey together

Dads and Their Daughters

Memories from Childhood: Alexandra shares memories of building things with her dad, going to baseball games, and how he taught her to pack a suitcase. Christine shares Adventure Guides Camping Trips, fishing trips at sea, pool play at her grandparents, and the "Tetris” game of packing the car. Not forgetting the unforgettable moments of driving with ACDC's "Hells Bells" on repeat. Alexandra talks about how her dad's MBA journey meant he was away a lot and how the relationship was one thing when he started then it changed significantly by the time he finished.

Grief & Loss of a Father

Alexandra shares about the death of her father, James, who passed away at 58 from a heart attack on a day that started as normal. From a mundane errand run to a spirit circle where she felt otherworldly presences, the day took an unexpected turn. While sadness and disbelief were profound, anger never came. She finds comfort in believing he's on his next soul journey and in the signs she still receives from him. Sharing the most challenging moments, the support from loved ones, and how she has been caring for herself.

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A Father’s Health Journey

Christine shares her dad's battle with chronic Lyme disease and its impact on her family’s dynamics. The illness brought both challenges and moments that brought them closer, including major lifestyle changes. Highlighting the time when a treatment led to emergency open heart surgery. She discusses how her dad’s illness has reshaped her outlook on life and health. The following resources and support systems that have been invaluable for her father and support for family members.

Lyme Disease Resources

Documentaries

• The Quite Epidemic, https://www.thequietepidemic.com
• Under Our Skin, https://underourskin.com/

Books

• Love, Hope, Lyme: What Family Members, Partners, and Friends Who Love a Chronic Lyme Survivor Need to Know by Fred Diamond
• Bitten: The Secret History of Lyme Disease and Biological Weapons by Kris Newby
• Why Can't I Get Better? by Dr. Richard Horowitz

Information for individuals with Lyme and/or family supporters

• American Lyme Disease Foundation, https://aldf.com/
• Lymedisease.org, https://www.lymedisease.org/
• Project Lyme, https://projectlyme.org/resource/support-groups/

Closing Thoughts

Thanks for joining us on this heartfelt episode about our fathers. We hope you found comfort, laughter, and maybe even a few tears. Cherish the time with your loved ones and remember those we've lost. Share your own stories with us on social media. Tune in next week as we explore the world of being misunderstood.

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Join Us Next Time  

Don't forget to like, subscribe, or follow on your preferred platform. Until next time, let's keep the conversation going. See you in the next episode!

Hello, and welcome to the Mirror Project.

2

We are your host, Alexandra,

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Christine: And Christine.

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Alexandra: and we are

thrilled to have you with us.

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Today's episode is all about

our dads, because Father's

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Day is just around the corner.

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Get ready for a rollercoaster of

stories from the funny and goofy

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moments to the growing pains

that shaped our relationships.

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Christine will take us on a deeper

journey as she asked me about the

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loss of my father and navigating

the grief of losing a parent.

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Then I'll return the favor and ask

Christine about her experiences as

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the daughter of someone battling

chronic health issues, resulting

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in other medical complications.

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Grab your tissues and your

popcorn, because this episode is

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going to be a mix of laughter,

tears, and everything in between.

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Christine: Before we delve into today's

riveting topic, make sure to hit that

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like, subscribe, or follow button on

your Preferred listening platform.

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Take a moment to do it now

before it slips your mind.

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Trust us, we're not getting

started without you.

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Let's make this journey together.

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Alexandra: So let's kick off the episode

talking about dads and their daughters.

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So Christine, do you have any memories

of your dad from when you were a little

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girl that just pop out in your memory?

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Christine: Oh wow,

there's so many of them.

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I had such a fun time reflecting

back on all of the stuff.

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And sometimes it really just takes

me back to that time and I really

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wish I was a little girl again.

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But there's many.

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So, one thing that first.

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And my sisters and I still talk

about and tease my dad about to

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this day is when we were little

driving around with him in the car.

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Just him and my sisters and I My

dad is really big into like 80s

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rock ACDC, Van Halen, Led Zeppelin.

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And we would love, he, he would

rock out with us in the car.

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And the one song that my sisters

and I fell absolutely in love with

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is called Hell's Bells by ACDC.

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And for those who don't know, it

starts off with these church bells

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ringing at the start of the track.

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And We were so little, we

didn't necessarily understand

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what the song was about.

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But we loved the song, like the, not

only was with the bells, but like

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the, the guitar, the bass it just

was like, it's such a good track.

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I S I love it to this day.

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And we would, I, we would always

say when we were in the car with

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him, daddy, daddy, play the bell

song, play the bell song, dad.

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And He would, and we would just

have such a great time singing

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along, listening for those bells.

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I just, it's.

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I can't stop smiling for those who are

listening thinking about this, but that's

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one, one big one that comes to mind,

but also, you know, going on fishing

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trips out, out on the ocean with my dad.

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One of the things he did with each

of us was adventure guides, which

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was through the YMCA, and we would

go on campouts together with my dad.

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It was some, it was just a father daughter

group, which we had such a blast doing.

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And it was nice because I had Girl

Scouts with my mom and this with my dad.

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And another, another funny memory that

God bless my dad, when we would be playing

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up at my grandparents house they had a

pool in the backyard in the summertime

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and we'd all be hanging out in the pool.

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Dad would come in and one of our

favorite things to do was to jump off

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my dad's shoulders into the deep end.

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And he would do that over and over

and over again with each of us, and

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he'd go under the water, let us climb

up, and stand on his shoulders, we'd hold

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his hands, he'd have his hands above his

head, and then we'd launch our shelves

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off, and he would just do that over and

over again, and Gosh, I can't even imagine

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how sore he must have felt the next day

having to endure that so many times.

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But yeah, you know, my dad, he

just was a big old goofball.

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I just love thinking back on

all of those times together.

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And as I got older and some of the

things, some of the lessons that

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I, I, he would teach when it comes.

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To packing the car up it's

like a game of Tetris.

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He's like, it's all, you know,

a family of five and four girls.

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There's a lot of luggage.

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So he'd always, he'd always

figure out a way to make it fit.

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And

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Alexandra: Everything has to

fit just so, so the door will

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just close.

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Christine: And you, you know,

there we be in this big old SUV and

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before the time of we didn't have

a car that had like the TV in the.

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In the seats or that comes

down from the ceiling.

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But he, he, he MacGyvered away to hook

up a laptop so he could watch DVDs.

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And we wouldn't,

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cause we were using DVDs.

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We didn't need wifi.

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And he had like a plug, an outlet

for the car for the laptop so that

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the laptop could plug into the car.

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So yeah, he just, he, he

always was clever that way.

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Still to this day is.

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And one of, one of the things we

always look forward to at the holidays

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is the dad gift because it's always,

it's always something you know, I

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have all these, I have, I'm, I'm ready

for any situation thanks to my dad.

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And it all started one Christmas.

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Like the first Christmas after I had

my license and he, because he's so

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funny, he got himself, my mom and

I what we dubbed the Arbogaddon bag

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he stocked it full of all essential

things that you would need.

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And some, some crazy things that

I didn't necessarily think would.

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One would need and I'll share

one more thing about this.

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He had me help him wrap

these gifts that year.

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And he was like, Christine,

don't be peeking.

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And I was like, well, you told me not to.

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So I peeked,

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Alexandra: No, I have

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Christine: I peeked and I was

like, why is there a hazmat suit?

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I was like, dad,

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Alexandra: ready for

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anything.

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Christine: And.

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It's not actually a hazmat suit,

it's like a, a rain gear, like

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pants and a coat, so like if you're

stuck and it's torrentially pouring,

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you, you have some protective gear.

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But yeah, that's just to give you an idea

into my dad and the sense of humor he has,

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and he's always just been, been such a

good of pillar in my life, him and my mom.

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There's such a great team.

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And I look back on my childhood and

I'm really grateful to have, have

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him and him and my mom together.

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It's just really, really special, but

enough about me, Alexandra, let's hear

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about you and, and memories you have

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from when you were little.

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Alexandra: so some of the things

that came up was, I think our dads

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would have got along very well

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together because the whole

bag prep for the car thing.

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I don't think my dad went as

far as you, your dad went.

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I think he was like, just have a pair

of like tennis shoes, a white towel.

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Like if you had to put it in

your window you know, a jacket,

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an extra pair of socks or

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something,

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Christine: And I will say, I still,

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I still have that bag in my car

to this day, so I am prepared.

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Alexandra: Clearly for anything except

for the situation, which calls for hazmat.

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And you mentioned like

dad's Christmas gifts.

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So mine actually went the other way.

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Every year I would try to find a

kind of ridiculous gift for my dad.

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I'm trying to think of one of the

ones that we got was like a box of

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three different wooden 3D characters.

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Like puzzles.

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And he would just sit

there and try to figure it

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out.

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So I'd always get like one kind

of like gag gift that was a little

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funny or a little kind of useless.

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Just something, I think there was one

day it was a reindeer like head and you

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squeeze it and it like shot out a little,

like a red nose ball for no other reason.

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I was like, I think this

is a dad, like a dad gift.

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So, but.

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From when I was young one of

the biggest things I remember

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is my dad really loved baseball.

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And in some ways I was very much a daddy's

girl and I liked baseball, but I think

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I liked baseball cause my dad liked it.

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And I remember I lost quite a

few teeth at baseball games.

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I feel like like when you're

young enough to lose your teeth,

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like not like adult teeth.

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Well, my teeth are currently in my

head, but I remember those giant

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frozen Toll House ice cream cookie

sandwiches, the ones that were like

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the size of your head as a kid.

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And they would be so frozen and

I would have like a loose tooth

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and I like bite into it and like.

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Hey, there's blood on my sandwich!

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And then my tooth would come out.

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But if it didn't come out in that, like,

he would always help me when my tooth

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was falling out by taking a frozen paper

towel and kind of like, pulling it.

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We never did the door handle

thing, which I was grateful for.

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Like, the

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string around the tooth, and yeah.

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No, he would just use a frozen paper

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Christine: I wonder, is that, was that

just in the movies, or was that a thing?

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Alexandra: No, I think that was the thing.

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If you look on, like, YouTube,

people were trying stupid

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Christine: Okay.

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Of course.

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Of course it would be on YouTube.

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Sure.

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Alexandra: of the internet, you know,

where everyone put anything on YouTube.

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Not that they don't now, but like,

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: you look at

some early days of YouTube

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and you're like,

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Christine: What?

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Alexandra: what were people thinking?

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Like we just had no shame.

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We're just like everything

out here all the time.

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But yeah, he would, he

would play tennis with me.

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He would come to all my

competitions for a Taekwondo.

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But I, I always joke that my dad really.

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Either, you know, obviously wanted

me to do business as I've mentioned

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before with him wanting me to pursue

an MBA or be an engineer because

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he would give me like Tetris, like

the game on Game Boy Tetris or, you

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know, Lincoln Logs and Tinker Toys.

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And he would sit there and play.

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Build things with me, or he would

encourage me to build, I don't know.

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They brought something in a house,

like a crib or or like a vacuum.

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And it was just like,

okay, here, build it.

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And I was like, okay.

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So, you know, I did a lot of like

handy stuff around the house with my

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dad.

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And it was funny cause he always

told me to the classical standing

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of measure twice, cut once.

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Which my dad did sometimes, but

would rush through and then cut wrong

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and then spend half the day upset.

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It was hilarious, and it

just something would go

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Christine: Yep.

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My dad Would be known to say,

do as I say, not as I do.

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Alexandra: not as I do.

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Christine: Okay, Dad.

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Alexandra: One thing I really remember

as like a little girl was my dad

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used to go on a lot of business trips

and I got really excited to help him

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pack and he taught me how to pack.

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So like using the packing cubes

and the folding and sometimes like,

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okay, honey, I'm going on a trip.

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Do you want to pack my suitcase for me?

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And I was enough of a OCD, anal

retentive person to enjoy packing.

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So I'm like, okay, let's do

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it.

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But as I, Right?

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It's kind of fun.

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It's a little

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Christine: I love the

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Alexandra: if I'm not the one

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Christine: yeah, I love the initial pack.

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I hate packing at the end of a vacation.

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Cause it never quite fits the

way it went in the first time.

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Anyway.

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Bye.

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Alexandra: But when, you know, my, my

Simmy moved in, so I call her my sister.

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When we were all living together and she

was in school and I was, you know starting

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working, my dad would like to joke with

us, like, who was the favorite daughter?

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And like, there was some time I

would do something as like, Oh, well,

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Alexander's pulling ahead in points.

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And and then I remember, I

think Simmi wiped out the board.

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Like I was just completely

off that point when she got.

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Dad, a man crate for Christmas and it

had its own tiny little crowbar and I

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just remember him like, he's like, I

don't know how you're going to beat this.

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I just, she's the favorite

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Christine: Oh no!

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Alexandra: So it was

just one of the funny.

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things, you know, so one more

thing I will always remember.

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I was a kid and my At the time we

were in California and my dad was very

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almost fastidious about his car, right?

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Like everything was clean and it's placed.

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There wasn't extra stuff.

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Didn't like it to get dirty.

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And it must've been an evening.

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I think during the summer, cause we went

for ice cream and my godmother was in

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the car and he was very particular about

like, letting people have food in his

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car.

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cause he didn't want it to drop or spill.

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So usually we had to eat outside the car,

but for some reason he had her ice cream.

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And, and my godmother Sharon was

sitting in the front seat and she

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always loved pistachio ice cream.

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It was like that, like

bright green pistachio.

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I don't know what happened either.

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She was laughing.

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Somebody said something.

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And her cone goes flying right

into the car vent, and my dad

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never let her live it down.

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Never.

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So those are just some funny memories.

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So even now today, if I say, Oh, you

remember that pistachio ice cream, Sharon?

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And she's like, I can't

believe you brought that up.

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So, you know.

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Christine: She's like, well,

I never know peace about this.

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Jesus!

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Alexandra: Well, not now,

because it's on a podcast

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Christine: That's very true.

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It will now live forever.

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Alexandra: yep, in the

hearts and minds of those who

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listen.

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So, that said, Christine, do you

have any stories of growing pains

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from the transition of childhood

memories and childhood dad daughter

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relationship to more adult dad?

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Christine: I mean, I'm sure.

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Nothing, nothing's really like,

sticking out, but I'm sure You know,

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God bless my dad being in a house

full of women, my three sisters,

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would, you know, we, we gang up and

give, give him a run for his money.

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But sometimes we kid and say like,

dad, you're more dramatic than us.

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And But

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Alexandra: he's just got

to stay on par with you

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guys.

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He's got to compete.

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Christine: exactly.

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But yeah, no, nothing, nothing

specific, but how about you, Alexandra?

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Alexandra: Okay.

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So what's the one as an adult, but

there, I think I've definitely mentioned

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on the podcast for those listening

that there was a period of my life

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where my dad wasn't really around, not

because he and my mom had problems.

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They were totally fine, but he

was doing an MBA program and

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that was evening and weekends.

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So yeah.

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And I was young enough that he left for

work before I got up in the morning.

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And after class, I was an early sleeper.

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I'm much more of a morning person

now as Christine can well attest to.

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Christine: Yes.

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Alexandra: I'm like, you know, 9 PM.

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Okay.

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Where's my bed?

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10 out.

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Christine: Although when I come to visit,

you, you hold out as long as you can.

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Alexandra: I do.

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And you start to see my

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eyes droop.

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Christine: And then she kindly

lets me sleep in because she's

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up bright eyed at 6, 7 a.

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m.

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And I'm like, don't

even, even knock on the

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door.

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Alexandra: So yeah, so there was a couple,

there was that time and it, his MBA

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program was probably, I want to say at

minimum two, if not three years to do.

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And, and so, you know, I was, whatever

age when he started and then two,

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three years older when he finished.

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And he thought, Oh, I'm just

going to pick up with Alexander,

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like exactly where we left off.

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And I was like, Oh no, dad,

I am a different person now.

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And so there was this weird disconnect

of of relearning like who this person was

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and him going, who is my daughter now?

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Because he wanted to pick up and

I was like, well, sorry, sir,

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you haven't really been around.

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And like, now I'm just living

life as you know, a kid.

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And so kind of rediscovering that and

like, we had a, like a couple of rocky

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years of trying to like, you know, daddy

daughter dates that it was just a myth.

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But we're like, Dad was

like, why did you have me?

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Like, why did we do this?

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And, and dad would take me to a baseball

game and I'd be like, why did you do this?

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I don't really like baseball anymore.

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But one last memory I remember

so strongly about my dad and

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it would kill me twice a year.

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He would do this to me.

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Once was like Christmas time.

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He'd always want to go shopping New

Year's Eve, not New Year's, Christmas Eve.

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He'd wait to do all the

Christmas shopping for my mom.

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Until Christmas Eve.

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So we were out at the stores,

Christmas Eve, and then we had

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to come home and wrap everything.

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Christine: My dad, we have, we don't wait

until Christmas Eve, but we, we usually

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set up a date where like him and I, it's.

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Dad and daughter date, and we go

and do Christmas shopping together,

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but I can't imagine why, why dad?

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Why would you wait that long?

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Alexandra: And I was young too, like,

this was, I'm like, maybe up until high

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school and then college came around and

after I moved to North Carolina, he'd be

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like, okay, I ordered this for your mom,

or like, can you order this for your mom?

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And I'll just pay you, I'll

tell mom to pay you back the

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money, and then can you wrap it for me?

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And he's like, how's my little elf

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coming along with all

the Christmas wrapping?

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I think one year, I was like, That's it.

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I'm done.

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I think it was, I think it

was the year before he passed.

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I was like, Elf is out of business.

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If you do not have your gifts in by the

10th of December, Elf is out of business.

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You are on your

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own.

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Christine: of

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Damn, girl.

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That's an early deadline.

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Alexandra: cause it would be the end.

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Cause otherwise it would

be the end of December.

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And he was like, can you

just wrap one more present?

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I'm like, no, wrap your

own stinking presents.

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And then the other time was

every year for my mom's birthday.

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Cause my mom's is February 13th.

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13th, right before Valentine's Day.

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And it was like, the man had

amnesia every single year and would

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like, miraculously forget that

it's right before Valentine's Day.

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It was like, oh, it would be two

weeks before he's like, okay,

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where should I take your mother?

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I was like, you don't have a reservation.

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You know, when I was older and he was

like, no, he's like, you know, it's before

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Valentine's, I was like, dad, depends on

when Valentine's falls, like either people

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are celebrating before on or during or

after, you know, every year we do this.

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And I think at some point

it just became tradition.

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Like, I don't think he

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continually forgot.

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I think it was just, this is

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Christine: Have our annual discussion.

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Alexandra: Yeah.

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I was like, dad, do you not

already have a reservation?

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No.

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Okay.

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But yeah, that was That was, those

are the memories and the, the awkward

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transition of going, who are you trying

to tell me what you're, what to do now?

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And he's like, who are you?

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You're not the kid I had a

relationship with before.

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And you know, what happened to the girl

who loved baseball and would do this?

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And I was like, eh, not baseball, but

I did love to build things with my dad.

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You know, Christmas would come

around if it was, I don't know,

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an example of a bookshelf.

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I'd be like, all right, let's

open it up and build it.

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and

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he's

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Christine: Yeah.

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Aw.

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Alexandra: funny enough, one last

story right before I went to college.

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We were out in New Jersey and we went

to Home Depot and he got me a toolkit.

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Great.

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And it had all the things in it, had it

all through college, all through here.

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And then Simmi moved down to Charlotte.

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I was like, I'm never going to see that

kid again, but I'm glad it lives on.

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It feels like a piece of dad with

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me.

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It's like, it's gonna.

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Yep.

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Christine: Yeah.

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Alexandra: I need to find

my own new tool tool set.

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Christine: Alright, well,

I can enlist my dad.

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Because he's sent me and my sisters up.

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We're, we're ready for anything.

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But yeah.

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Oh, that's, it's so fun

to look back on that time.

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And

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Alexandra: Things that make you

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Christine: yeah.

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It just makes you feel good.

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Let's you, yeah, it's fun to

reminisce on stuff like that.

411

Alexandra: craving more of our company.

412

Join the fun over on YouTube at near

project pod, dive deeper into our world,

413

engage with us on a whole new level.

414

Don't miss out on the excitement

415

Christine: Why don't we transition

a little bit into, this is a heavier

416

section of this episode but Alexandra,

I know your father passed away a

417

few years ago, and I think it's

important that we, we talk about this

418

together so do you want to share the

details with us about what happened?

419

Alexandra: Of course.

420

You know, it's sad and

I still miss my dad.

421

Quite a lot, but I enjoy

getting to talk about him.

422

So thank you for letting me do this.

423

So my dad was James and he died fairly

424

And I know I've mentioned before

he passed a month to the day

425

of me starting my MBA program.

426

So that was very bittersweet.

427

And he died of a heart attack,

just a sudden onset heart attack.

428

Later we found out that the EMTs

don't think that if, had he had the

429

heart attack in an ER, they don't

know if he would have survived.

430

this very sudden.

431

And the weird thing about that

day was it was so, so normal.

432

Christine: Mm hmm.

433

Mm.

434

Alexandra: looking back, there was a

couple of out of the blue things, but,

435

or like not just not totally normal,

but overall it was kind of a normal day.

436

I remember being really upset

about something and don't even

437

remember what now at this point,

but I was just not in a great mood.

438

And my dad was like, okay,

well, do you want to get ready?

439

And mom and I are going to go, you know,

I don't know, to Lowe's or something,

440

Lowe's hardware and look at some stuff.

441

Cause they were always just doing

projects in the backyard and they

442

wanted to finish out some things and

and, and come grab lunch with them.

443

And I didn't really want to,

but I was like, okay, I'll go.

444

And we went, it was a nice trip.

445

We had Chick fil a for lunch, because

that's what my dad really wanted.

446

And then we went back to the house and

I helped, helped my dad take all these

447

security cameras that he had spent Month

researching like he'd love to research

448

things and then get it and hopefully

they worked this one He just didn't

449

really like so he had put them all up

the weekend before and I was helping him

450

take it down And I you know, I thought

it was odd later that my mom wasn't out

451

helping us because usually she would and

Like later she told me she's like, yeah,

452

I thought it was a weird but I was like

now I'm just gonna Do this I don't know,

453

paperwork or something she had to do.

454

And you know, it was a windy day

and it was a really tall ladder.

455

Like part of the house was very

high off the ground, just the

456

way it was graded and whatnot.

457

And even our next door neighbor was

like, Oh, it's going to come over and

458

help, but it looked like you had it.

459

And so, so normal.

460

And we came in, I remember my

dad being slightly breathless,

461

but all in all things were fine.

462

And then I was getting ready to go do

something with some friends of mine.

463

And so I know I've mentioned before

that I am not Christian and I'm pagan.

464

So quite a bit witchy and very

into spirituality, metaphysics.

465

So if you do not share those

beliefs, that is totally okay.

466

For those of you

listening, I just thought.

467

Ask that you temporarily suspend

disbelief for this next part of the story.

468

I was getting ready to go to a

spirit circle with some then friends.

469

And during that, you'd like,

don't have your phones on you.

470

You're in a completely dark room.

471

Lights are all blacked out.

472

Just kind of very opening

yourself up to you.

473

Sensory feelings.

474

And remember One of the people

in the circle across from me, I

475

don't remember who it was, was

like, I think Anubis was, is here.

476

Like the, the ancient

Egyptian god of not death.

477

But kind of that, that role of

the, not the gatekeeper, but

478

kind of helping fairy souls.

479

And I was like, oh,

okay, that's interesting.

480

And I have been told that I've

had a past life in ancient Egypt.

481

And I was like, you know,

maybe that's for me.

482

Cool.

483

Just to think of like, maybe do

some more research into that.

484

And then my hand starts twitching.

485

And and one of the people in the

circle was a writer, liked to write.

486

And so I Sent to that person.

487

I was like, maybe this is for you.

488

Like you have to write in and that

person's like, no, I'm not really

489

feeling them, but maybe you should.

490

So somebody grabbed me a pen and paper.

491

And as I said, it was pitch

dark, so I couldn't see anything.

492

But like, I just let my

hand move on the paper.

493

And about after an hour, we closed

the circle lights, come on, we're

494

all adjusting and put down the paper.

495

And somebody else was like,

well, don't you want that?

496

And I remember distinctly going, I

don't want anything to do with it.

497

I don't want to touch that paper.

498

I don't want to see that paper.

499

And come downstairs see a bunch

of phone calls from my mom.

500

So I call her back and she was

like, honey, like you, you gotta

501

come back on, like your cousin's

gonna come get you something.

502

You know, I was like,

okay, mom was having.

503

And when she said my cousin

was going to come get me.

504

I was like, I kind of had

a feeling like something.

505

Not great had happened, but

I thought it was somebody on

506

my dad's side of the family.

507

So I was like, why would my cousin

come up here to get me just to go

508

back down to like where they were?

509

So I was like, I'll just drive.

510

And she's like, no,

just come to the house.

511

If you're going to drive,

just come to the house.

512

And I was like, okay, so didn't

know what was really going on.

513

A little irritated at that

514

point because I'm like, what's

515

Christine: Mm hmm.

516

Mm

517

Hmm.

518

Mm

519

Alexandra: And I, I pulled up and my

cousins were there and my mom met me at

520

the driveway and she had a strange look

on her face and like an ambulance was

521

here and yeah, she told me in a driveway

and It was still one of the hardest.

522

I just remember sitting down like

in the passenger side of my car and

523

going, my whole world has changed.

524

And my mom was like, do

you, do you want to see him?

525

And I asked my mom, do I want to see him?

526

Cause we'd have a lot of

conversations about People dying.

527

And you know, I didn't grow up where a

lot of our family members had passed away.

528

And so seeing them, and I don't really

love seeing people when they're involved.

529

It look quite real to me.

530

And and uh, you know, but

I think it would be okay.

531

Right.

532

And I, I don't love that.

533

For me, that farce of

534

Christine: don't either.

535

Yeah.

536

Alexandra: life.

537

Christine: hmm.

538

Mm

539

Alexandra: So but I think I'd be okay with

seeing somebody who'd recently passed.

540

And so I asked her, I was

like, do I want to see him?

541

And she's like, no, honey,

he's past that point.

542

And I was like, I'm okay.

543

I don't want to remember my dad that way.

544

I'd rather remember him from earlier that

545

Christine: hmm.

546

Alexandra: And The hard thing was

my sister Simmi was studying abroad

547

and my dad and mom dropped her off.

548

She was in Amsterdam, I think

that week, a week or so before.

549

And I was like, Oh my God, we

gotta, we gotta tell Simmi.

550

And so I'm calling and Amsterdam

was quite a few hours ahead of us.

551

And I know she turns her

phone off and do not disturb.

552

So I was like, Hey Simmi when you wake

up and get this, can, can you call me?

553

And I, you know, I just, I

just need to talk to you.

554

And so, you know, it was a, it was

a weird night that night, and I went

555

to bed, and I don't think Piper,

my puppy, knew what was going on.

556

She was really freaked out.

557

The cat we had at the time

was in total mourning.

558

I think she just totally disappeared

and Got to sleep, like, slept in a bit,

559

woke up, and I get a call from my sister

and she's like so upbeat and peppy

560

and, And she's like, hey, so, you know,

it's going great and yeah, what's up?

561

And I was like, Sumi Where are you?

562

And she's like, Oh, I'm out taking a walk.

563

I was like, Okay, can you

find a, a place to sit down?

564

And she's like, Ah, no,

I'm just going to stand.

565

Like, what's up?

566

And I was like, No, I think you

really need to find a place to sit.

567

I just remember repeating that.

568

And and I said dad's dead.

569

And she just went what?

570

Like just that I could hear

the shock through the phone.

571

And I was like I don't

know how to handle this.

572

So I'm like running downstairs.

573

And I was like, scrapping mom.

574

I was like, mom, Simmi's on the

phone and I don't, I told her

575

and I don't know what else to do.

576

And I think that was probably

other than hearing my dad was dead.

577

Like that was the hardest part for me.

578

So

579

that was lot of, a lot of disbelief at the

580

Christine: Mm hmm.

581

I remember, I don't know when after

you spoke with Simmi, I remember

582

you calling me the next morning.

583

Alexandra: I think, Yeah,

584

it was probably right after

585

Christine: yeah, you called me and I I

was up visiting my sister at the time

586

and I remember my phone going off and

I think I texted you because I was

587

like, can I call you back in a bit?

588

And I think you left me a voicemail

and I heard you on the voicemail.

589

And I was like, Oh no, what's.

590

And I got up and I went out into

the living room of my sister's

591

apartment and I called you and,

592

Oh, it was I just, I remember

being in total shock.

593

I was like, what do you mean?

594

He's, what do you mean?

595

What do you mean?

596

I don't, I, I was like, I

don't, I couldn't fathom

597

Alexandra: much like the

brain couldn't, you know,

598

it's like a computer

kind of stuck on reload.

599

It's like, what?

600

like,

601

Christine: I don't

602

understand in that moment, it was like,

I don't understand, like having someone

603

suddenly pass has, has not been something

I had experienced up until that point.

604

So I was like, I don't, what

was, cause, you know, there was

605

no preexisting condition that

we were aware of necessarily, or

606

that would cause something

so drastic to happen.

607

And I just remember, my dad and my mom

were also up visiting, and after we

608

talked, I called my mom immediately,

and I was like, is dad there with you?

609

And I shared the news with my parents,

and I just said, dad, I'm gonna need to

610

give you a really big hug when I see you.

611

And I just was like, I was ready to

drop everything and fly down, to be

612

with you and mom, but I didn't, I

was like, I need to let them do what

613

they need to do, and I just made it

known, like, I'm here for whatever

614

you need, and I'm ready to come down.

615

Alexandra: That was so helpful.

616

It really

617

Christine: Yeah.

618

called, he was dad, he was

like my second dad too, I,

619

Alexandra: Yeah.

620

Christine: it was,

621

Certainly earth shattering.

622

And I, anyway,

623

I'm just so grateful that we're able

to talk about this and share this.

624

And that you're,

625

Alexandra: Definitely.

626

Christine: I mean, if, if you're

okay with it, can we maybe

627

talk a little bit about, How has the

grieving process been like for you?

628

And is it still ongoing?

629

Like what, What can you

share with us on this?

630

Alexandra: Well, I think, I think

the first thing is like, there's

631

no one right way to grieve and I

think it's different for everyone.

632

And I think I was expecting

like all five, what stages of

633

Christine: Mm hmm.

634

Alexandra: But I, I never experienced

the anger stage, still haven't.

635

I think I've kind of

wondered at how sad it was.

636

And I think I need to backtrack for a

637

second because the spirit circled that

piece of paper I didn't want to touch

638

later connected with Somebody in the

group and they're like, we looked at that

639

paper after we had heard cause somebody

else in you and was family was at that

640

spirit circle and ended up coming over

641

and she must've texted the group

and said, Hey, this is happening.

642

And they said they said

you had written the word.

643

Sorry.

644

And if you turned it around,

it spelled your dad's name.

645

And so like my dad came to say goodbye,

646

which was really sweet.

647

And that makes sense why Anubis was there.

648

Christine: Yeah.

649

Alexandra: But I think because of

that and just the way I look at death

650

and life I, I was okay with that.

651

It was just, it was a change.

652

But I never experienced the anger

of like, you know, why is he gone?

653

Like, he shouldn't be angry in that sense.

654

I think there was just deep, profound

sadness and at first a lot of disbelief.

655

Like, no, I don't want my dad to be gone.

656

Christine: Sure.

657

I'm sure it also feels like he,

it doesn't feel like he's gone.

658

Like,

659

Alexandra: not for the first bit.

660

And so you know, I just kind of think

of it as He's not gone gone just not

661

here in a physical tangible form, but

his soul is doing what his soul needs

662

to do and we could still get messages

whether it's a song on the radio

663

or the thought that I'd be like, you know,

Certainly with my program I feel like I

664

get nudges of like hey My dad's like this

is you know, the right way to go or the

665

you know, the answer or you know You on a

project, this is the direction, take it.

666

And I mean, a lot of sadness at first.

667

And there's moments where it feels like

he's been gone for many, many years, and

668

then other days where he was just here.

669

So a lot of sadness.

670

Christine: yeah, I mean, that's certainly

all very understandable and one of the,

671

one of the things I've heard, actually,

I think I first heard it shortly after

672

this all happened was that the, that

grief is all of the unexpressed love

673

for the people who have passed that

we're not able to share with them,

674

but it's something that we keep and.

675

This is such a beautiful way to look

at something that is quite painful,

676

and that doesn't ever really go away.

677

That it's,

678

Alexandra: No.

679

Christine: it's just the

love you have for them.

680

So,

681

Alexandra: I think one of the best

images I saw about grief was, I think

682

people have a misconception that grief

gets easier or smaller over time, and

683

it's not so much that the grief gets

smaller, it's just the container that

684

you have to hold it gets larger, and your

ability to handle it, it's a lot easier.

685

Christine: hmm, I

686

Alexandra: Yeah.

687

Yeah.

688

Christine: haven't heard that, I haven't

heard it put quite that way before.

689

Alrighty, well if you're comfortable

with sharing, ha what have been

690

some of the hardest moments for

you since he, he passed away?

691

Alexandra: First day of classes

692

was really kind of hard because it

was just like, you know, this was a

693

shared dream I had with my dad, so

694

Christine: Yeah.

695

Alexandra: it was really hard.

696

Sometimes I would call my dad

on my drive home from work

697

and just chat about the day or

698

if I needed help with an Excel

function, I would just call my dad.

699

It really went in time.

700

Even if he was at work, he would

stop and take my call or he's

701

like, honey, can I call you back?

702

Like I'm in a meeting.

703

And I'm like, sure.

704

Christine: Yeah.

705

Alexandra: So I think

those were sometimes.

706

Still are, the hardest moments when I just

want to call my dad and ask for advice.

707

And my dad gave the best hugs.

708

Christine: He did.

709

Alexandra: Like, you, you

knew you had been hugged.

710

And recently I was just going through

some stuff and Like emotionally, or

711

just kind of feeling in a certain

way, I just kept thinking like I

712

really want one of dad's hugs right

713

Christine: Yeah.

714

Alexandra: Those are the hardest moments.

715

They kind of sneak up sometimes too,

where it's like totally fine, and

716

then out of the blue, I'm like, whoa,

717

Christine: Yeah.

718

it's so interesting how grief evolves

over time because in the beginning I feel

719

like it's just persistent and ever, it's

just with you every day, every minute.

720

And every breath, but as time begins

to pass and you know, life continues

721

to move on it's like sense memories,

like things that come, come to mind

722

and it just, you're just back in back

there and it's so immediate It's so,

723

it's jarring sometimes.

724

Alexandra: the other hard

part was Simmie's law school

725

graduation, and dad wasn't there.

726

And then I'm having, I think my graduation

is going to be a bit difficult for that.

727

I'd have recently pooped.

728

There was Even before that passed, he

had a box of things of, you know, from

729

his career in life that he wanted me to

have and some stuff he thought would be

730

valuable that I could sell in the future.

731

So I have a feeling going through that

box, it's going to be a little bit

732

difficult.

733

I

734

can put that on for a little bit

735

Christine: Sure.

736

Yeah, I think, you know, I don't know if,

737

it's hard to say if there'll be ever a

moment when you're ready to do that, but.

738

The time will come.

739

Alexandra: Yeah.

740

Christine: So, I'm curious, Alexandra,

are there any lessons or values from your

741

dad that you hold dear and try to live by

now that he's, he's no longer here with

742

should have known better too, sorry,

before you answered, to have tissues.

743

Alexandra: Right?

744

I've got like no tissue box up

745

Christine: Yeah, that was a mistake.

746

I, we even mentioned

747

it in the, yes, why

weren't we better prepared?

748

Alexandra: You know, there's, now

that you asked me though, there's not

749

something I'm thinking of that he said.

750

It's more of just he really

loved people and took people's

751

Good things with their flaws.

752

He also loved to laugh,

753

but I think and smile And in business,

I mean he taught me a lot about business

754

and stuff so all that kind of plays

in my mind and caring for the people

755

who work for you and that it's a

responsibility To manage people and

756

that their welfare is in your hands.

757

So there's a lot of that that I

think in terms of business, you know,

758

if I'm interviewing for a job, he

would always help me with my resume.

759

So I'm just kind of coming

across professional, like I

760

can go to him for anything.

761

And so I just.

762

Try to live by that example of, you know,

the things that he held important to put a

763

conscious effort into if I don't already.

764

But he had I think I have a,

I'm smiling and I've got one.

765

One dimple.

766

And he had a dimple and it was funny

because like he could go from so serious

767

and then if he needed to get something

and he wasn't particularly like male

768

or female but particularly it worked

on females like he could pull out

769

that smile with that dimple and like

everyone would fall at his feet just like

770

Christine: he was very, he's so charming.

771

Alexandra: he was but that was something

I learned Charm in, in doses, right?

772

Like, you don't want to over charm people,

like, you, you want to think, you want to

773

pull out the big guns when you need them.

774

But to, to laugh and smile a lot.

775

Yeah.

776

And to, to measure twice, cut

once, but don't do what he did.

777

Uh,

778

Christine: Yeah, oh, that's

779

I'm curious if there's any advice you

would give to someone who's recently lost

780

their dad or a close, a father figure

or a loved one that's really close to

781

them.

782

Alexandra: Not everyone, but a lot of

people say some really useless stuff

783

when you lose people that are close to

784

you.

785

Either they don't know what to say,

so then they just stick their foot

786

in their mouth, which happens a

lot and just ignore those idiots.

787

because they really are.

788

Don't expect your grief process to be

like anyone else's, and if it doesn't

789

look like anyone else's, that's okay.

790

You're not grieving wrong, you're

just grieving in your own way.

791

And do what you need to do to become

okay with it, to hold on to the

792

memories without holding so tight to

the person that you don't move on.

793

That's finding a different way forward.

794

And you will have a bond with people

who have also lost their parent.

795

I had a co worker who lost her

parent not long after my dad passed.

796

And it's not always easy.

797

the best bond to share with people, but

it was easy to go to her and say, Hey,

798

I'm really missing, you know, my dad.

799

And I, I know you

understand what that's like.

800

Christine: Yeah.

801

Alexandra: And so for the first

year, we would kind of check in on

802

each other, which makes me, I don't

think I should go check on her.

803

Christine: Yeah.

804

Alexandra: that's, that's the

best advice I can give to people

805

is just one day at a time.

806

Yours does not have to

look like anyone else.

807

People don't know what to say.

808

Christine: Yeah.

809

I certainly, I tried my best,

810

but

811

Alexandra: you weren't, you weren't

one of the people that stuff in front

812

Christine: so, I reflect back on moments

when, when you're in a situation of losing

813

a loved one and you're, you know, people,

they don't, I don't know It's so funny.

814

It's like, this is a part of

life, but people don't know how to

815

necessarily navigate or deal with

it or know the best way to show up.

816

And, and honestly, I think

I look on the traditions of

817

like the wake and the funeral.

818

And I, I, I find that the

wake isn't for the family.

819

It's for the, the friends or the

acquaintances or the other people.

820

They come and they, they're there to.

821

Essentially pay their respects, but I feel

like that's it's it's for it's for them.

822

The people coming to that sort of service

and then, you know, my experiences.

823

As a cat growing up Catholic is

like, then you go to the funeral

824

mass and I find like that and the

burial is more for the family.

825

It's more intimate, but it's, it's,

it's just really interesting to see

826

how people act in those situations.

827

Alexandra: I will say that death

does not seem to bring out the best

828

behavior in my dad inside of the family.

829

That I'm not really in

any mood to get angry

830

right now

831

Christine: fair.

832

I

833

Alexandra: was uh,

834

Christine: know, I know

835

Alexandra: Yeah, no, Christine

definitely knows what happened and

836

maybe one day I'll feel like recovering,

837

Christine: I know.

838

There's plenty of anger to go

839

around.

840

I'll say that.

841

And I wasn't there.

842

Alexandra: not today.

843

Christine: Yeah.

844

Alexandra: I don't know, but I think

I called you like the because it was

845

an evening, the day after, and I was

like, you will not believe what can

846

Christine: I was like, who?

847

Alright, where you need me?

848

I'm ready.

849

Alexandra: She's like,

I'll bring the shovel.

850

Christine: I guess the last thing

I, I wanna say is I wanted to ask

851

you, Alexandra, is what are your

hopes for the future in terms of

852

your, your healing process here and

853

how you're going to carry

your dad with you forward?

854

Alexandra: I hope to

not cry at my wedding.

855

Christine: I know.

856

Alexandra: Christine knows last year

we went to my college roommate's

857

wedding and the Father daughter dance

hit me, but I was not expecting it.

858

Oh In hindsight, I should have been

like, oh Let's think a little bit.

859

Because my dad was a terrible dancer,

and, and everyone I do mean terrible!

860

Like he could not dance.

861

Like maybe some disco,

but like that was about

862

Christine: Oh, I would have

863

loved to see your dad

864

Alexandra: shifts and a

finger yeah that was it.

865

Christine: doing the electric slider.

866

Alexandra: but like

otherwise not a good dancer.

867

So the healing I I think.

868

It may not matter how much

healing or time has passed.

869

I think that is going to hit me.

870

So haven't met my person, so there's no

wedding to plan, but I don't know if I

871

would ask somebody who like a male figure

in my life who's been like another dad

872

or hopefully my partner, his dad Or if

I would just do a dance with the mom.

873

So, not sure yet, but I have

a feeling that will come up.

874

Christine: Yeah.

875

Alexandra: and probably sharing

stories about my dad so my kids get

876

to know him without knowing him.

877

Christine: Yeah.

878

I think your mom talked about that

how she knew people like her, how

879

her, her family talked about people

who she never got to meet, but she

880

feels like she know them, knew them

because the people who were still

881

here kept that person's memory alive.

882

And I think that's such a beautiful

883

beautiful thing.

884

Alexandra: yeah.

885

Christine: And I have every,

I have no doubt that you'll

886

do that for your children.

887

And.

888

Alexandra: It'll definitely

come through and lay out the

889

instructions to build things, and

890

how I teach my kids what to do, and,

funny enough, of my parents, they were the

891

one I thought, like, as a grandparent, who

would, Spend a lot of time on Pinterest

892

figuring out stuff to do with a crank,

it would have been my dad, not my mom.

893

So,

894

Christine: Yeah.

895

Alexandra: but yeah, that's the, I think

that's, it's always in waves, right?

896

Like, and I think through going

through different stages of life, there

897

will be different parts and reasons.

898

Why more than others that I miss my

dad, so I just kind of rolling with

899

it, not trying to stop an emotion

or a feeling of sadness, just

900

kind of going, Hey, you're here.

901

Okay, let's roll with it.

902

Christine: And

903

Alexandra: what my healing

journey will look like.

904

But yeah.

905

Christine: I got your back, always.

906

We're in this together, friend.

907

I walk, I walk by your side on this.

908

Always.

909

Alexandra: Yeah.

910

And I love you for it.

911

Thank you.

912

Christine: I love you, too.

913

Alexandra: Okay.

914

Now that we are both

stuffed up and crying,

915

why don't we turn the

tables there, Christine,

916

Christine: Okay.

917

Alexandra: shine the spotlight on you.

918

So I think you mentioned before that

your dad's had a bit of a health journey.

919

Do you want to share what he

has before you kind of jump

920

in more to what's been like?

921

Christine: Sure, absolutely.

922

Yeah, I'd say the last, oh goodness,

six years since I've, yeah, six years or

923

so my dad's been on quite the journey.

924

Different things he had a partial

knee replacement done and then shortly

925

thereafter we discovered my dad was Had

multiple tick borne illnesses the most

926

notable one being Lyme, but there was

many others Bartonella was another and

927

this all was discovered I can't quite

recall when, but I think it was, it, it,

928

it, it's been in At least four or five

years since this discovery was found.

929

And we believe he's actually been

suffering and with dealing with

930

these illnesses for over a decade.

931

Which is crazy.

932

The, I don't know why, but it's

so difficult for these illnesses

933

to be detected and you have

to specifically test for them.

934

So because they don't just show up.

935

On normal tests, like you have

to have specific tests done and

936

it's been quite a journey for him.

937

He.

938

It's, it, it's to the point where he

has chronic Lyme disease and he'll

939

be dealing with it for the rest of

his life but over the last several

940

years he's been undergoing treatment.

941

At one point, he was on a, A course

of treatment that was intravenous.

942

He had a port put in his chest.

943

I want to say for almost a

year, he had had that and was

944

undergoing those treatments.

945

And I just, I, I know I, I.

946

Remember how taxing that was for him.

947

And God love my dad.

948

He always underestimates surgeries

and like the recovery time.

949

And like the recommendation from

the doctor was you don't, you can't

950

live to above a X amount of weight.

951

He always, he always said, dad,

you're listening, stop pushing it.

952

But,

953

Alexandra: doctor.

954

Yeah.

955

Christine: he, he, for, for

almost a year maybe even over

956

a year, can't quite recall.

957

The details are a little fuzzy.

958

He had, was undergoing intravenous

treatment several doctors,

959

constant tests were being done.

960

And that was a very, very

taxing time for him and for my

961

mom and for me and my sisters.

962

The end of it it was

discovered something was wrong.

963

My dad knew something was

wrong, but we didn't know what.

964

And based, based on where he was

feeling discomfort and issues

965

we were looking at his digestive

tract and wasn't finding anything.

966

And I remember I was down in Florida

with my sister at the time when he

967

was taken to, like an emergency clinic

because also guys at the time were like

968

a year into COVID, like this was February

969

2021, like almost a year after COVID.

970

So it wasn't easy for him to get

The, the attention he needed.

971

So he went to an emergency clinic and

wasn't getting the answers he needed.

972

And after we had come back and I was

home my sister, my sisters were home

973

and I can't quite recall where he got

this diagnosis, but they, they found

974

out that essentially a bacteria had.

975

Started eating away at one of the

heart, the valves of his heart.

976

And it, it deteriorated significantly

that he fell into a coma the

977

night before he was about to

undergo emergency heart surgery.

978

And, I you know, my sisters

and I were all home, so we were

979

there for my mom to support her.

980

But.

981

Yeah, it's just, it was, it was

shocking that the treatment that was

982

supposed to help my dad with the Lyme

disease and the Bartonella and all

983

the other tick borne illnesses he was

battling ended up You know, hurting

984

him in another way and causing some,

985

Alexandra: Yeah,

986

Christine: you know, it, it was crazy

because you hear emergency open heart

987

surgery and like that serious surgery,

988

Alexandra: yeah,

989

Christine: that's, that's

nothing to sneeze at.

990

But I just remember someone also

making the point like, yes, that's

991

a very significant surgery, but

it's one that done count, like.

992

hundreds, thousands of times.

993

So it's a surgery that has a very

high success rate and all these

994

things, but it's still like,

I didn't know what was going

995

to happen.

996

And my mom, had to make some decisions

for my dad because he wasn't,

997

he wasn't able to to make

the decisions for himself.

998

So my mom, as his advocate had to do that.

999

But, you know, we, we, Me

and my sisters were there.

00:52:03,942 --> 00:52:05,112

We supported her.

00:52:05,805 --> 00:52:06,165

yeah.

00:52:07,659 --> 00:52:11,469

I've kind of really gone deep

in on it all, but it's that's

00:52:11,469 --> 00:52:13,839

kind of a little insight into

00:52:14,499 --> 00:52:19,789

Alexandra: well, you briefly started

to touch on it, but how has the chronic

00:52:19,789 --> 00:52:24,109

Lyme disease and the other complications

impacted your family dynamics?

00:52:25,894 --> 00:52:29,064

Christine: forever changed We're

forever changed because of it.

00:52:29,094 --> 00:52:35,014

And it's something that I

have learned so much about.

00:52:35,064 --> 00:52:37,964

I, there's still so much for me to learn.

00:52:38,494 --> 00:52:42,494

But this is truly something that, you

know, yeah, it's, it's affecting my dad.

00:52:42,494 --> 00:52:43,214

He lives with it.

00:52:43,214 --> 00:52:47,784

I'm never, I'm not gonna fully understand

what he's experiencing it, experiencing,

00:52:47,944 --> 00:52:49,914

but we're all living it in some way.

00:52:49,914 --> 00:52:51,124

It affects all of us.

00:52:51,354 --> 00:52:57,304

You know, we're, you know, I, I

mean, He's still my dad, but there's

00:52:57,344 --> 00:52:59,134

parts of him that are different now.

00:52:59,364 --> 00:52:59,944

Alexandra: Yeah.

00:53:01,314 --> 00:53:01,834

Christine: so,

00:53:03,034 --> 00:53:06,744

Alexandra: In the, what aspect

of your relationship has changed

00:53:07,374 --> 00:53:08,814

specifically for you?

00:53:08,924 --> 00:53:13,664

Christine: For instance, like what's

some of the lasting effects of chronic

00:53:13,664 --> 00:53:19,944

Lyme is, you know, cognitively he,

he he struggles, his memory, and It's

00:53:19,944 --> 00:53:26,974

just, it's, he, he knows, like, he's,

When people have, are diagnosed with

00:53:27,314 --> 00:53:31,354

Alzheimer's or dementia, there's a certain

point where they don't necessarily know

00:53:31,874 --> 00:53:33,934

consistently what's happening with them.

00:53:33,934 --> 00:53:36,684

But he, he, he is aware of that.

00:53:36,724 --> 00:53:42,134

So it's hard to, to see your, see

your, your parent go through that.

00:53:42,134 --> 00:53:45,839

I mean, As kids, they're super,

your parents are superhuman.

00:53:45,849 --> 00:53:46,929

They're superheroes.

00:53:46,969 --> 00:53:48,209

They're, they're infallible.

00:53:48,219 --> 00:53:50,309

They're, they're, indestructible.

00:53:50,559 --> 00:53:51,089

Yeah.

00:53:51,569 --> 00:53:57,271

But as, as you reach adulthood and

your parents move into a different

00:53:57,271 --> 00:54:00,411

phase of their lives, you quickly

learned that that's not the case.

00:54:00,491 --> 00:54:00,701

And

00:54:01,871 --> 00:54:03,242

I wasn't expecting this all to start.

00:54:03,242 --> 00:54:07,589

Uh, My, when my dad, I mean,

he's still pretty young guy.

00:54:07,589 --> 00:54:09,073

I mean, he's 61.

00:54:09,814 --> 00:54:10,185

first

00:54:10,185 --> 00:54:10,556

at.

00:54:11,271 --> 00:54:11,631

Alexandra: still

00:54:11,806 --> 00:54:13,926

Christine: Yeah, he was first

diagnosed with all of this when

00:54:13,926 --> 00:54:16,606

he was in his late fifties.

00:54:16,646 --> 00:54:22,146

So it wasn't necessarily a phase,

an era of, of life that I thought

00:54:22,146 --> 00:54:23,596

was going to start right now.

00:54:23,616 --> 00:54:25,316

I thought, Oh, I had a little more time.

00:54:26,428 --> 00:54:27,538

and, uh,

00:54:29,094 --> 00:54:34,464

we, we all, you know, there's moments

where my dad's still my dad, but there's a

00:54:34,464 --> 00:54:36,274

part of him that's now forever different.

00:54:36,364 --> 00:54:38,024

But it doesn't mean I love him any less.

00:54:38,654 --> 00:54:42,274

I just, it, it's just our new normal.

00:54:43,014 --> 00:54:47,914

Sometimes I'm like, wow, I kind of, I

miss how life was before, but really

00:54:47,914 --> 00:54:49,949

my dad's been living with this for.

00:54:50,466 --> 00:54:54,746

Over a decade and it was before he

didn't even have a diagnosis and he

00:54:54,746 --> 00:54:56,426

was suffering for all from all of this.

00:54:56,466 --> 00:55:00,596

So in hindsight, we were like,

yeah, that's, you know, why,

00:55:00,666 --> 00:55:03,186

why dad was slowly changing.

00:55:03,186 --> 00:55:05,366

It started to all add up and make sense.

00:55:05,516 --> 00:55:11,673

And so just finally all caught up now and

he's finally you know, our family dynamic,

00:55:11,673 --> 00:55:13,613

we're still, we're still super close.

00:55:13,633 --> 00:55:14,143

We're still

00:55:14,313 --> 00:55:14,833

Alexandra: Good.

00:55:15,071 --> 00:55:16,801

Christine: We still have such a fun time.

00:55:16,871 --> 00:55:19,611

And you know, there's just

certain things are a little

00:55:19,621 --> 00:55:21,141

different now and that's okay.

00:55:21,331 --> 00:55:23,194

And that's, that's that's just what it is.

00:55:23,505 --> 00:55:27,465

Alexandra: So what, is there anything

specific that you and your sisters

00:55:27,465 --> 00:55:30,775

and your mom have had to change about

how you do things that have been

00:55:30,825 --> 00:55:35,305

adapted to support him in, in his

journey through the chronic line?

00:55:35,945 --> 00:55:37,805

Can you share a little bit

of what that looks like?

00:55:37,915 --> 00:55:39,515

Like the, the change?

00:55:40,020 --> 00:55:45,270

Christine: So, well, when I was

still living at home, when this

00:55:45,270 --> 00:55:50,540

was all first happening and him

doing the intravenous medication.

00:55:50,590 --> 00:55:54,850

So when that phase of this whole

journey happened, so much changed.

00:55:54,910 --> 00:55:59,560

Like my dad Was using a different

bathroom because he had to

00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:02,360

shower differently because of the

port the port couldn't get wet

00:56:02,790 --> 00:56:09,610

and you know assisting him with with the

administering the the medication like my

00:56:09,610 --> 00:56:14,210

mom had to learn how to do all of that and

Life just sort of changed a little bit.

00:56:14,210 --> 00:56:16,820

Dad wasn't able to lift heavy things.

00:56:16,820 --> 00:56:24,389

He Exercise like how he was before this

all started and you know, it just sort of

00:56:24,389 --> 00:56:29,544

all became the new normal and, and today,

I mean, he's, doing very well he's doing

00:56:29,544 --> 00:56:33,794

a lot better, we'll say that, I mean,

it's something he's living with but he's

00:56:33,814 --> 00:56:41,908

managing it he has some He's found support

groups that he has become very active in.

00:56:41,988 --> 00:56:43,798

It's been a wonderful outlet for him.

00:56:43,798 --> 00:56:50,118

It's, it's allowed him to connect with

people who understand what, what he's

00:56:50,118 --> 00:56:54,408

going through because us as his family,

we, we will never truly understand it.

00:56:54,888 --> 00:56:57,888

And as a result, I, you know,

we've learned a lot and there's

00:56:57,898 --> 00:56:59,388

still a lot left to learn.

00:56:59,448 --> 00:57:03,318

Lyme disease and tick borne illnesses

in general are as an area that

00:57:03,318 --> 00:57:11,128

is, Not heavily researched, but

it is rapidly spreading because

00:57:11,228 --> 00:57:11,918

Alexandra: Interesting.

00:57:12,151 --> 00:57:13,861

Christine: yeah, it's interesting.

00:57:13,941 --> 00:57:18,961

Bartonella that I mentioned, I believe

is known as cat scratch disease, but

00:57:18,961 --> 00:57:21,141

it is actually a tick borne illness.

00:57:21,681 --> 00:57:27,746

And there's multiple, like, Lyme isn't

the only one and they all affect the

00:57:27,746 --> 00:57:32,186

human body differently and it, it

blows my mind that this is such, this

00:57:32,186 --> 00:57:34,166

is, this is honestly an epidemic.

00:57:34,266 --> 00:57:39,666

A lot of people consider this to

be the, the, the increase in the

00:57:39,666 --> 00:57:44,626

rise of people suffering from, from

Lyme disease and other tick borne

00:57:44,626 --> 00:57:49,176

illnesses that go undiagnosed for,

for some people their whole life.

00:57:49,656 --> 00:57:53,236

I mean, towards the end, before my

grandfather passed away, we discovered

00:57:53,266 --> 00:57:55,336

he was suffering from Lyme disease.

00:57:55,976 --> 00:57:57,246

I mean, you know, like,

00:57:57,516 --> 00:58:03,356

people, people don't realize when

they're bit by a tick, and they don't,

00:58:03,996 --> 00:58:08,336

for whatever reason, it doesn't then, I

don't know why immediately it's not taken

00:58:08,556 --> 00:58:14,056

seriously as to, okay, you, you found

a tick, we need to have it tested, you

00:58:14,056 --> 00:58:15,916

need to be tested, and we need to start.

00:58:16,871 --> 00:58:21,611

undergoing the treatments needed because

I think when, when it's caught early

00:58:21,611 --> 00:58:27,101

enough, it can, things can, measures can

be taken to ensure a recovery from it.

00:58:27,631 --> 00:58:33,511

But left undiagnosed, that's when it

becomes chronic and your body, it's

00:58:33,521 --> 00:58:35,321

just, your body is forever altered.

00:58:36,096 --> 00:58:36,566

a result,

00:58:36,751 --> 00:58:37,301

Alexandra: Right.

00:58:37,581 --> 00:58:41,521

And then I'm sure it's a pact

impacting his immune system and

00:58:41,951 --> 00:58:44,301

how he fights other diseases.

00:58:44,871 --> 00:58:46,151

You know, it makes me think about

00:58:46,666 --> 00:58:49,206

Christine: it's also what

made COVID scary because

00:58:49,786 --> 00:58:54,606

when vaccinations, we didn't know how it

was going to interact with his treatment.

00:58:54,636 --> 00:58:55,876

So, know,

00:58:56,251 --> 00:58:59,761

Alexandra: And if he had an open port,

just, you know, anything that could have,

00:59:00,546 --> 00:59:02,116

Christine: yeah, yeah,

00:59:02,441 --> 00:59:08,091

Alexandra: makes me think of when I take

Piper to her vet, veterinary doctor.

00:59:08,592 --> 00:59:13,122

I think there's two vaccines that

she gets one for wild animal urine.

00:59:13,142 --> 00:59:18,252

And then I think there's one for tick

and Lyme and it's so maybe not Lyme

00:59:18,252 --> 00:59:20,962

disease, but like tick born things.

00:59:21,612 --> 00:59:24,052

And so I find that interesting, right?

00:59:24,052 --> 00:59:27,412

We do that for their, our dogs or

pets, and maybe that's because they're

00:59:27,412 --> 00:59:33,992

on four paws and close to the ground,

but then we haven't done that or

00:59:34,122 --> 00:59:36,092

figured out how to do that for humans.

00:59:36,362 --> 00:59:36,962

Christine: yeah,

00:59:37,182 --> 00:59:39,062

Alexandra: It's, I find interesting and.

00:59:39,772 --> 00:59:39,982

Christine: it's,

00:59:40,802 --> 00:59:41,332

Alexandra: You know,

00:59:41,412 --> 00:59:41,722

Christine: is.

00:59:41,762 --> 00:59:45,142

And it's I'm still, as I've, as I've

mentioned, there's still a lot for me

00:59:45,142 --> 00:59:49,922

to learn, but as someone who's watched

someone they love so much go through

00:59:49,922 --> 00:59:54,322

this and it doesn't make sense to

me, like this affects so many people.

00:59:54,322 --> 00:59:56,622

And a lot of people don't even

know they're affected by it.

00:59:57,072 --> 01:00:01,532

Alexandra: Well, that's so interesting

because I really only learned more

01:00:01,532 --> 01:00:06,062

about ticks moving to the east coast

of like when I would go run with

01:00:06,722 --> 01:00:08,532

when I thought I would be a runner.

01:00:09,683 --> 01:00:11,283

Yes, Christine knows

how laughable that was.

01:00:11,818 --> 01:00:15,178

Christine: Well, I also tried,

but I knew I would never be one.

01:00:15,388 --> 01:00:17,738

I just was there to on

01:00:17,808 --> 01:00:18,168

Alexandra: I forgot.

01:00:19,488 --> 01:00:22,938

Yeah, I remember when we went running

with Kaylee and somebody else.

01:00:22,988 --> 01:00:26,828

And, and you guys were like, okay, like

now check your socks, shoes, you know,

01:00:26,828 --> 01:00:30,108

let let's check you over for tics and

check, you know, check the next person.

01:00:30,108 --> 01:00:31,148

And I was like, what,

01:00:31,898 --> 01:00:32,938

what are you guys on?

01:00:33,458 --> 01:00:34,078

Christine: I know.

01:00:34,078 --> 01:00:37,398

Alexandra: And but now it's,

You know, it's something to take

01:00:37,398 --> 01:00:39,548

seriously even if you're

not just on the East

01:00:39,793 --> 01:00:43,703

Christine: And if you are in the

East coast, just being aware, like,

01:00:43,703 --> 01:00:47,513

the deer, they're they're now tra

they've traveled far enough south,

01:00:47,523 --> 01:00:51,483

they're they they travel the beach,

like, you The beach isn't even safe.

01:00:51,483 --> 01:00:56,523

Like you need to be aware of the

possibility that you might catch a tick

01:00:56,523 --> 01:01:03,503

while you're out at the beach or so always

check your, you know, check yourself

01:01:03,533 --> 01:01:09,023

after you come in from a hike or a walk or

working in the yard or out in the outdoors

01:01:09,063 --> 01:01:11,153

Alexandra: Even just

working in your backyard.

01:01:11,608 --> 01:01:15,858

Christine: My dad for years

before they hired people to help.

01:01:16,318 --> 01:01:20,558

Manage the lawn every weekend

in the spring and summer

01:01:20,558 --> 01:01:21,838

was out mowing the grass.

01:01:22,058 --> 01:01:25,708

And yeah, I, I, it's really

interesting talking to him about this.

01:01:25,758 --> 01:01:28,558

He remembers that one summer when he had.

01:01:29,223 --> 01:01:30,773

Quote unquote, summer flu.

01:01:30,833 --> 01:01:35,203

And looking back on that, that was a

clear sign that he was suffering from

01:01:36,203 --> 01:01:38,733

the effects of being bitten by a tick.

01:01:38,883 --> 01:01:42,083

So, you know, like don't

write that stuff off.

01:01:42,113 --> 01:01:46,683

And when, when you find that,

that insect on you, like.

01:01:46,828 --> 01:01:51,368

Take it seriously and there,

there's plenty of, of resources

01:01:51,368 --> 01:01:54,288

out there on the differences

between like what ticks carry what,

01:01:54,648 --> 01:01:57,458

so just be aware of all of it.

01:01:57,458 --> 01:02:02,048

I mean, it's best to just better safe

than sorry when it comes to a tick.

01:02:03,393 --> 01:02:07,893

Alexandra: Okay, you briefly mentioned

some support groups for your dad in

01:02:07,893 --> 01:02:12,373

terms of Talking to people who've been

through something helping mentally, is

01:02:12,383 --> 01:02:16,573

there any other strategies or resources

that you want to share with people who

01:02:16,573 --> 01:02:20,943

are listening in case they, or they know,

are going through chronic Lyme disease

01:02:21,003 --> 01:02:24,703

or know somebody who is experiencing

that, that has helped you and your

01:02:25,165 --> 01:02:28,375

. Christine: So, you know what , in our

show notes, I'm going to have, I'm

01:02:28,375 --> 01:02:32,485

going to list the specific organizations

and things that I would recommend you

01:02:32,485 --> 01:02:39,685

guys looking into if you are someone

who is in need of support, but also

01:02:39,735 --> 01:02:43,791

there is also services out there for

family members and loved ones who

01:02:43,791 --> 01:02:45,301

have a loved one experiencing this.

01:02:45,331 --> 01:02:49,671

So there is, there, there is

resources out there for you.

01:02:49,671 --> 01:02:54,071

And, and honestly, like the biggest

thing I want someone to take away from

01:02:54,071 --> 01:02:58,341

this is that they learn something new

and that this is an issue and that

01:02:58,381 --> 01:03:03,111

you can, there's books out there,

there's, there's documentaries just.

01:03:03,984 --> 01:03:09,845

Hopefully promoting better awareness

of this issue and realizing the lasting

01:03:09,845 --> 01:03:14,145

effect it does have on people because

so many people do suffer from this when

01:03:14,145 --> 01:03:16,125

it be when it becomes a chronic issue

01:03:16,125 --> 01:03:16,735

Alexandra: definitely.

01:03:16,935 --> 01:03:20,405

I think that will be very helpful

for people and even for people who

01:03:20,415 --> 01:03:25,105

don't have a personal connection

to the disease to be aware of.