After walking away from his faith and his marriage, Kevin begins the messy, hilarious, and deeply moving process of building a new life. Part 2 of his story takes us from awkward first dates to a love that sticks, from late-night guilt to morning-after freedom. Along the way, Kevin learns that honesty, sex, and chosen family aren’t just indulgences — they’re survival.

If you missed Part 1, go back and listen first. This chapter is where Kevin breaks free, finds his people, and creates something revolutionary in his community.

Storyhole is where raw gay stories come to light — messy, vulnerable, funny, and sometimes a little filthy. Because through the hole, you always see more than you expect.

You can find more info on the Morning Wood events on Instagram - @morningwoodparty

Welcome back to Story Hole. Loads of gay stories. This episode is Kevin's realization, part two.

If you haven't heard part one, go back and start there because you'll want the full setup before you start sticking yourself through what happens next. You'll enjoy it more, I promise. Part one was about breaking down. This one, it's about breaking free.

Not like Troy Bolton in High School Musical, but I never turned down a visual of Zac Efron.

More like Kevin's stepping into love, sex, and community for the very first time and finding out what it feels like when desire, honesty, and connection all line up. It's messy, it's tender, it's hilarious. And word on the street is there are parts that are even like Viagra for your ears, if you catch my drift.

And it's just the kind of raw, unfiltered story that you get right here. So slip in, lean close, and let's get to it.

Welcome back to Kevin's story.

When we left him, he was 36 years old, divorced, faithless, and starting completely over religious rock bottom. But here's what they don't tell you about hitting that rock bottom. It's actually the perfect place to build something real.

Part two is about what happens when a man finally gets to himself.

And the joke is that he went looking for a daddy and he found me.

Fair warning, this gets messy before it gets beautiful. But stick with us. Kevin's about to discover things about love, sex, and community that will change everything.

36, divorced, four kids, and gay as the day is long, Kevin needed to find his people, so naturally, he went about it the most Kevin way possible.

I went to a party that was meant for gay dads. It was almost like a support group, I guess you could say. And I went to just hang out with other gay dads that could relate to me.

And were these were men who were leaving the church as well or had left the church. And so that's kind of where I started, you know, dip my toes into the LGBTQ community.

Leave it to Kevin to find a support group for his support group needs. But someone crashed this particular gathering, and they had zero qualifications to be there.

Darin happened to be at the party. I thought maybe he was had kids too, or I didn't know. I got to know him and learned that he didn't have any kids.

And so it was kind of peculiar that he was at this party, but in reality, he had heard about this party and he's like, that is the weirdest thing. I have to figure out what's Going on here. And that's how we met.

All right. Man shows up to gay dad party with absolutely no children, purely out of curiosity, and accidentally meets his future husband. The universe has jokes.

But Kevin wasn't about to go exclusive immediately. Three decades of repression don't get resolved with one. Meet cute.

In the first year of our getting to know Darin, I wanted to date lots of guys. I just wanted to go on lots of dates and get to know, Try and figure out what my type was, try and figure out who I connected with.

I went on a lot of dates and got a lot of dinners and had a lot of fun, a lot of sex that first year and learned a lot about myself.

Kevin approached gay dating like a research project. Systematic, thorough, and with clear objectives. And the data was revealing some interesting patterns.

I think my fascination with men of color probably stems from a number of different sources. One is I'm attracted to kindness. And I have found that men of color are generally really kind. I also find that they're often more passionate.

Latinos, for example, are very passionate. Yeah, they're generous in real life and generous in bed.

Kevin's husband Darin, is Japanese-American. So this attraction to men of color wasn't just theoretical. It was leading him straight to love. But first, Kevin needed his official gay baptism.

I remember the first gay bar I went to. It was at the Sun Trap. And I remember thinking, I'm not gonna drink.

Cause I don't wanna be that person who leaves the church and suddenly is wasted every night. I think. And I remember going to this bar and all these guys were around me, and I had told them, I just want, you know, I just want a diet coke.

But I was standing there in this group, you know, in this gay bar among my community, and I'm having so much fun, feeling free and dancing with guys for the first time. And I'm like, what is so wrong about this? What is so wrong about this drink?

Ex-Mormon walks into a gay bar, orders diet coke, has existential crisis about alcohol. The programming, it runs deep, y'all.

And I made the decision then and there that I'm gonna stop saying no to everything. And I'm gonna start saying yes. Because the reason I was saying no for so long is because someone else told me it was wrong.

And I decided, you know, I'm a grown ass adult. I'm 36 years old. I can decide if this is wrong or not for myself. And so I took my first drink, and all the guys just started cheering for me.

And I felt like, all right, I mean, I'm accepted in this. In this space.

The moment Kevin took that drink, the entire bar erupted in celebration. Found family doesn't just accept you. They cheer for your baby steps into freedom.

But I kept going back to Darin. He kept being a repeat, you know, someone I would go on dates with and hook up with. And over 10 months to a year, it just started to be just Darin.

Like it was. He was just the person I kept wanting to spend time with, and I was falling in love with him.

And eventually I just stopped dating other guys and we decided to be exclusive.

Kevin was dragging some serious Mormon baggage into this new relationship, specifically the deeply ingrained habit of keeping secrets from your spouse.

Oh, I remember once I had to go on a business trip to Denver and we were kind of exclusive at this point, and we were dating, but I still. There was still so much I wanted to do and explore. And I went to Denver and decided to go to some gay bars by myself. I didn't hook up with anybody.

I didn't kiss anyone, or I probably flirted with a few guys in the bar or whatever, but I kept that from him because I thought he would think I'm unfaithful. We had shared our location, and so he was tracking where I was going in Denver. And I was apologetic.

I said, I don't know why I couldn't tell you that I was going to gay bars because he would have been fine with it. And I said, I didn't hook up with anyone. And I'm so sorry. I don't know why I was keeping this from you.

Kevin went to gay bars alone and lied about it. Not because he cheated.

It's because 36 years of his cultural upbringing had taught him that hiding whole parts of his self from people was normal behavior.

And I think it was this, like, practice that I developed in my previous marriage where I couldn't share my whole self with my ex wife. I couldn't be honest about what I was feeling or experiencing or doing or whatever.

And he got really upset about it when he found out that I had gone to these bars and we broke up for like two weeks.

They broke up over honesty, not infidelity. Religious trauma in high definition, carrying shame about perfectly innocent behavior.

And I, I wrote him a long letter actually explaining that I still have a lot of shit I have to deal with and figure out. And I had a therapist at the time, and I was so glad that he was so patient and forgiving. And like, he went through the divorce with me.

It lasted for 13 months. So it was like a long process. And I just grew so much with him and he did too. And we went through a lot together.

13 months of divorce proceedings. While learning how to be in an honest relationship, Kevin was getting a crash course in vulnerability.

We've been through a lot together in the last seven years, and I'm so glad I'm at this point in my marriage with him where I can share anything with him. We can be extremely open about who we're with and our conversations.

And whereas I couldn't have done that with my ex wife, she would never have been open to, well, the what our marriage is today.

He was learning that authentic love requires complete transparency, something his Mormon marriage had never allowed. Kevin was about to get the gay sex education he never received. And his professor, the man who would become his husband.

I remember the first time I had anal sex was with Darin, my now husband. He was my first. And this was. This is very early on in our relationship, you know, dating him. I wouldn't call it a relationship.

At the time, we were just dating, but the chemistry was off the charts. And Darin, I went to him. I was basically. I basically told him I was a virgin.

I mean, I have done other things with men, but I wasn't even exactly sure what to do. I wasn't sure how to douche.

It's the I'm basically a virgin at 36 conversation. Most people would run screaming. Darin rolled up his sleeves and became Kevin's personal sex educator. He was figuratively rolling his sleeves up.

We're not talking fisting, y'.

All.

He was literally just being patient and teaching him the basics.

The first time we had anal sex, I topped because I wanted to try that first. And oh, my God, I remember the music. I remember the room. I remember his bed frame.

I remember how I was feeling, how intense it was, how gorgeous he was on top of me. Just I remember his skin and feeling my body enter his. And it was like. It was the most intense feeling I've ever had.

And I remember just how natural it felt.

Kevin remembers every detail because his body was finally getting to speak its native language.

I'm not sure if other people would relate to this, but it was so nice to feel like we were the only two people in the room.

And what I mean by that is, often in my previous marriage, I would have to close my eyes and think of men in order to ejaculate, in order to finish, in order to climax. With Darin, I didn't have to do that because the man was in the room, he was, he was with me, he was on top of me.

He was, you know, in multiple positions. It was like exploring.

His body was intense and so enjoyable and I just, it was so hot and so easy and beautiful and I remember thinking, this is right, like this is something I was meant to do.

For the first time in his life, Kevin didn't have to close his eyes and fantasize about someone else while he was fucking. The fantasy was right there in bed with him. But Kevin's education wasn't complete yet.

And I remember the first time bottoming it was for Darin as well. And oh my gosh, feeling, having that feeling, having his cock hit my prostate and then to climax at that, you know, with that experience. Oh my God.

The world changed for me after that. I was like, this is, I was born to do this, you know, like this is so natural and I wanted to do it over and over again.

Kevin discovered his prostate and had a full body. Spiritual awakening. 36 years of sexual confusion solved in one earth shattering orgasm.

Emotional aftermath was just as intense though in another way I will say, the.

Day or two after that first experience, I did cry quite a bit. But it was more of a, it was more of like a healing cry.

It was more like why did I put myself through this for so many years trying to do something my body is not meant to do. And I was angry too.

I was angry that I was raised in an environment that told me that what I just did with that man was wrong because everything about it seemed right.

Kevin finally got righteously pissed at 36. He was furious about the three decades, 30 years of being told his body's true desires were sinful.

Because it's so, so good.

It's about damn time. While Kevin was discovering joy, he was fighting a war for his children's hearts.

In Mormon theology, Kevin had become something worse than a disappointment. He was a threat to his own kids eternal souls.

So at the start it was really rocky with my ex wife. She was really hurt, rightfully so I was hurt.

We were going in two very different paths and I suddenly overnight became a threat to her children's eternal salvation.

That's not hyperbole, that's actually how the Mormon doctrine is taught. Kevin wasn't just a disappointing ex husband, he was literally endangering his kids afterlife.

It's been a challenge to raise the kids in two different households. You know, their dad is this gay atheist and activist in many ways. And then her mom who is very religious in the Mormon church.

And like when it Came time for one of our kids to be baptized. That was a true struggle for me because I did not want them to be baptized.

I wanted, I, I wanted them to wait till they were adults to make this kind of decision which, why the hell is that so hard to understand and accept?

Kevin was watching his children get indoctrinated into a system that teaches them that their father is fundamentally broken.

Then it's like, oh my gosh, it's exhausting.

What I hate about it most is that the church is teaching my children that their dad is unworthy, you know, that their dad is now this outsider in their life.

And they do a great job of discrediting me as their father because fatherhood is defined in the church as an active priesthood holder who serves endlessly and sacrifices everything for the good of the church. And if you're not in a, if you don't have a calling, if you don't have all these things here, then you're not a man who's credible.

And so I've really struggled with that because I feel like I'm up against a multi billion dollar organization that I can't compete with.

Kevin versus the Mormon industrial complex David and Goliath. Except David is gay and Goliath has tax exempt status. But the story wasn't staying dark forever.

But over time and as we've both gotten remarried, everything has kind of calmed down. We're very, we're very good co parents now. I'd say we get along really well.

The kids are, have been well adjusted and it probably helped that she married a man who would go down on her because I never did.

You know, I just think I have a feeling her eyes were like opened and when she married a straight guy she's like, oh, I know I'm telling myself this story, I've never talked to her about it, of what the difference might be between being married to me and being married to him. And I just hope that she is getting her needs met now. And I'm getting my needs met for sure.

Kevin celebrating his ex wife finally getting the sexual attention she deserves is peak emotional maturity. He's genuinely happy she found someone who can give her what he never could.

I think it was just like we reached this point of like neither of us are a threat, neither of us are doing anything wrong. We both have our focus on the kids and we care about them and so life is good now. We're very flexible with each other.

We still have very different belief systems. I'm an atheist and she's very Much.

Still in the church, both parents learned that putting the kids first works better than fighting each other. Revolutionary concept, right? But Kevin still has his moments of guerrilla warfare against church propaganda. Rightfully so.

I also do everything I can to call out the bullshit when necessary.

Like every general conference when I know they're listening to this and I hear some bullshit on the pulpit and I'm like, now I have to do damage control so that my children aren't programmed and conditioned to believe these lies. I try and do it in a way that is respectful because I don't want to degrade their mom or their, her side of the family and all that.

I want to be respectful, but at the same time, I'm not going to silence myself.

Kevin running damage control during Mormon conference season. Every six months he's doing that real time fact checking for his kids and.

Well, his secret weapon since the divorce was final, I've said, you don't go to church on Sunday. You're here with dad. And our time together is way more important than church. And I set that standard early on in our divorce.

And they have never complained once of not going to church, not once. I think they love coming here and realizing on a Sunday morning they can sleep in and they can relax and they we can have family time. They like it.

Turns out kids prefer pancakes and sleeping into going to church for two or three hours every Sunday. Shocking absolutely no one.

All right, so Kevin and Darin were building something that looked nothing like a Mormon marriage, thank God, I think, but for real, they were writing their own rules about what love could look like to them.

So it's been a journey for me to get where I am today. At first I wanted our relationship, Darin and I, to be, be a monogamous relationship. And it was for a while.

But over time we realized we started stepping into bath houses around the world. And that was challenging at first, but we ended up starting to really enjoy having sex with each other in these more public places.

I mean, a bathhouse is a private space, but you know, there's people around. And then we started going to places like the Eagle and things like that. And then we started inviting other people into our relationship.

And at one point we both shared a boyfriend together. We were in a throuple situation which was really fun but complicated. There's a lot of relationships to manage.

There, from Mormon marriage, where sex was duty and secrecy was normal, to open marriage, where sex is joy and honesty is required. Kevin was getting his PhD in relationship design and he was learning some interesting things about how his neurodiverse brain works during sex.

One of my guilty pleasures, and I don't know if it's kink or it's just really good for my brain, is I like to be blindfolded.

And that's partly because I just think it's really hot not knowing what the other guy looks like, Because I don't like limiting myself to a certain type of individual. And when I've done that in the past, it's like my imagination goes wild, and I just enjoy the touch and the connection with this person.

And there's been times where I take off the blindfold after I'm like, oh, okay. I would not have normally hooked up with you, but this was so fun, and I really enjoyed it.

Kevin discovered that blindfolding himself wasn't just kinky, it was practical. When you have adhd, sometimes you need to eliminate distractions so the other senses can fully engage. The blindfold also solved another issue.

Kevin and Darin have completely different types.

Well, when it's happened in the past, it's, you know, probably where my husband and I are, are hooking up with someone, inviting a third person in, and he's done the work in getting them here, and I have no idea what they look like because my husband and I share different types. You know, he likes large, beefy, muscular guys like me, and I generally gravitate to men of color.

So the blindfold becomes the perfect solution. Darin can pick someone he's attracted to, and Kevin doesn't know what they look like until he's already connected with them physically.

I think over time, I've just started to realize, like, this idea of monogamy. If it works for you, great.

I'm not here to judge anyone necessarily, But I think in the gay community that we've experienced this sort of sexual liberation where we don't have to conform to hetero norms, and we can define our relationships, how we want, and we can change our relationships. And thankfully, I'm with someone who is willing and wanting to do that with me.

Kevin accidentally creates something that gets all gay Salt Lake talking. The origin story involves two very different inspirations.

Kevin and Darin's annual trips to Puerto Vallarta Gay Disneyland with boat trips to secluded beaches where guys actually talk to each other in daylight instead of just hooking up in dark clubs. But there Might be some hooking up in the cave. Anyway, Kevin loved that meaningful connection vibe. Then came his inspiration for what he didn't want.

And then I decided to go to this other event. It's like a more BDSM event called Black Boots. And they're very organized. They have a great operation, but it happens late at night.

And I remember leaving that experience and thinking and, like, it was hard for me to even get hard. Like, I couldn't. I was so distracted. My ADHD neurodiverse brain was, like, overstimulated, overwhelmed. And I, like, could not enjoy the experience.

Kevin's brain basically shut down from sensory overload. So naturally, he did what any reasonable person would do.

Then I went to my hairdresser the next day to get a haircut. His name is Landon, and he's kind of like my second therapist because he's just so great to talk to. And I mentioned he's also gay and married. And.

And I just mentioned that I did this thing over the weekend.

And then I said, wouldn't it be fun if we could do something similar, but with a morning vibe at a time of day where my social battery has been recharged? And then we jokingly just called it Morning wood because I'm 43 years old and I still wake up every day hard as a rock.

Like, it's just a natural part of my body. I was like, maybe my body is telling me something. Maybe I should be socializing and connecting both socially and physically with men in the morning.

What a crazy idea.

So Kevin's hairdresser, Landon, becomes his business partner, and together they create an event based on Kevin's morning erections. Peak gay entrepreneurship. Kevin figured maybe 20 people people would be interested in daytime gay socializing.

And he thought he was being optimistic with that. He was wrong.

And we planned one event on a Sunday back in June for Pride Month. And I thought, okay, let's see what happens. Well, within a few days, we had 80 guys RSVP. And I was like, what do we do? I don't have room for this.

So, to be clear, Morning Wood events are basically gay socializing, where you can actually hear each other talk. Sunday mornings, nine to noon, two. Something like that. Show up your robe Or Speedo, whatever's comfortable.

Grab a mimosa if you're drinking and have real conversations by the pool or just in the backyard because the music isn't club volume deafening. If you connect with someone through actual dialogue, there are clean bedrooms inside with clean sheets, and you know what to do.

Kevin accidentally created what the community was missing. A place to meet people through conversation instead of just physical attraction in dark rooms or Grindr, Tinder, and the like.

First event, 80 RSVPs for a backyard party. They had to add a second day.

Kevin accidentally tapped into something revolutionary for the area gay community. Without the nightclub industrial complex.

Well, I think people get hyped up on the sexual side of the event, but I would say it's more social than sexual. Like, I don't spend all four or five hours having sex. I spend maybe 30 minutes exploring that side of it.

The rest of the time, I'm outside with my friends. I'm connecting with new people I've never met. I'm getting in and out of the pool. I'm getting another mimosa. I'm flirting. I'm, you know, talking.

But I just wanted to open up more options. Another option where we can bring our culture out of the darkness, out of these dark spaces, into the daylight, into suburbia.

To, like a back into the backyard garden party.

Kevin created morning mimosas with optional sex rooms. Brunch culture meets hookup culture. Genius. Kevin's got a message for anyone trapped between authenticity and everyone else's expectations.

All I can do is share my own experience. And having read and met people who left the church and are in the gay community community, their stories changed my life.

And so that's why I'm so willing to share my own story and just. They need to know that there is happiness beyond the lifestyle the church offers. There's. It's so much better.

And it's not just the fact that you can go party and have sex and all that. It's so much deeper than that.

And if you're worried about fitting into gay culture as a late bloomer, coming.

Out at the age of 36 and starting to date men and have sex with men and go to the bars and all the things, it is definitely possible for people who come out later in life to experience their 20s again, you know, to, like, go through. Through that again, is that there's so many guys my age who are doing it the same way I did there.

A lot of us come out later in life after our 20s, after that decade where you should be exploring things and going to raves and concerts and nightclubs and all that. There's men who are much older than me who are just coming out and getting started in it.

So it's like going to club and seeing men my age, men older than me, a lot of men younger than me. My personal experience has been very positive.

The gay community has room for everyone, even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it, including guys figuring it out in their 30s, 40s, and beyond. And all those conservative fear tactics about pleasure and intelligence indulgence.

I also started to realize that if you have a drink, you're not addicted. You know, if you have sex, you're not addicted. You know, there's all these.

All these things that you learn in conservative spaces that are completely unfounded.

Kevin's revolutionary discovery, pleasure doesn't equal addiction. And having a good time doesn't damn your soul.

One of the best things that came, one of the best outcomes that came from leaving religion behind was the idea of my own self affirmation of who I am as an individual is right for me, that I get to decide what that looks like.

And I no longer have to seek external validation in bishop's interviews and with my parents and family and all those other things in order to make decisions for my everyday life.

Stop seeking approval from people who will never accept who you really are.

So my advice is then, is to let go of all those external expectations. Figure out what you want, what is going to make you happy, and go for it. Whatever that looks like is not up to me to determine.

Whatever path you decide, as long as you do it independently of what your parents think, what your grandparents think, what your church thinks, your community. Just you.

That is a really big hurdle to overcome, to teach yourself and that you can move forward independently and make life decisions for yourself that can improve your life and bring you your own definition of happiness. You're the only person that can do that. As long as you do that, I'm happy and I will love and support you.

And the result of all that work.

Life has just gotten phenomenally better.

Kevin's built something most people only dream of, a life where he doesn't have to perform for anyone else's approval.

He hopes his and his husband Darin's influence will broaden his children's perspective, help them realize there's happiness outside the church walls.

He wants them to experience both worlds so they can make truly educated decisions as adults not just follow the path they were assigned at birth like many others the work isn't easy.

Kevin had to find his voice as an individual through therapy and self discovery so he could teach his children his values instead of just accepting someone else's. But that work paid off in ways he never expected.

I've never regretted it not one day.

Not one day.

Despite losing his faith, his first marriage, his community and half his family relationships despite starting over at 36 with four kids and no roadmap despite fighting a multi billion dollar organization for his children's hearts and minds from a six year old boy who knew he was different to a man who creates spaces is for others to be free. That's not just personal growth that's revolution.

I joke with Darin about this I'm starting to like broaden my horizons here and be more inclusive of white guys.

And that folks is character growth.