Episode 14 - Married 30 years?

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hello and welcome to Bringing Education Home.

I'm Herb.

And I'm Christina.

Together we are bringing you ideas about education, entrepreneurship,

and relationship that are both inside and outside the box.

If you like the show, be sure to follow Christina on Facebook and leave us

review on your favorite podcast platform today we have the pleasure of talking

her and Christina, we are today going to be talking about our origin story

about when we met and h how we got together and what happened exactly.

We've told you before that we've been married for over

30 years, and I can say that.

31 years, October 19th, 1991 is when we actually had our

marriage ceremony in the church.

But her voice says I always say that I got married when I made that

commitment to her that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

So for me, that was slightly actually before I asked her to marry me.

But it was at the point that she said, yes, that, that we.

Together forever from that point.

So, um, 32, almost 33 years.

So, yeah, so I've been married to her a little longer than

she's been married to me.

And I used to say be, because if the ceremony meant anything, then 50% of

marriages wouldn't have ended in divorce.

And that was when we got married.

And that rate, A lot higher, but you know, there are some caveats to that.

So for instance, like the first time you're married Those last a lot

longer, but if you've been divorced once, then the likelihood of getting

divorced a second and a third and multiple times goes way, way up.

So the 50% of marriages that end in divorce, a lot of those are ended by the

same people multiple times, so Exactly.

And we're not, of course, advocating anybody staying in a harmful relationship.

Yep.

Not at all.

But we definitely want people to think about making a true commitment.

If possible.

If possible, exactly.

Because one of the things that really helped us keep together is

because from that moment on, there was never a point where it wasn't

us, it was always us from then on.

That, that commitment.

Only had to be made one time.

Exactly.

And it doesn't mean that I don't have friends that he doesn't have,

or he doesn't have friends that I have, or we don't spend time apart.

It's just that there really is a really strong commitment that no matter what,

we're gonna make things work together.

And that started all the way back in college because that's where we met.

Yes.

So my recollection of how we met this is was in 1989, and it

was in September because it was at the start of the school year.

Actually it's August because school starts in September.

Private college.

We started in August, right?

Yeah.

And actually it was the week before school started, so it was the freshman.

Orientation week, and I was working, I was a sophomore in college at that time,

and I was working in the bookstore and I knew quite a few people because I'm I

was just very well known at, at college.

And I had some problems that summer and got to come back

to college a little early.

And so I, I was.

Back at college a week early and was helping the bookstore set up for, um,

freshman orientation, for freshman orientation, freshman book ordering and

buying and for the rest of the classes.

So the freshman got to come in.

Earlier than everybody else, but they all came in at once.

Exactly.

And I was a freshman that year, so of course that's how all of this got started.

He was there, I was there.

It wasn't full on school yet, but there was an interesting encounter.

Yes.

I was, I'm very much into efficiency and there was a whole lot of people clogging

up my bookstore, . I knew where all the books were, so I was helping people.

I had a button that said, how can I help?

And so I was, I would take their list and get their books and handed to them

so that they wouldn't spend so much time.

And she came in with a couple of her friends, Uhhuh , and.

Uh, I, I do actually remember them, but not quite as vividly as Christina

remembers me because this was how I was going throughout the day.

Cuz so I asked her for her list and she's like, no, I'm with my friends.

I'll get my books.

And I'm like, no, you don't understand.

You'll just get in the way.

This says, how can I help?

Give me your list.

I took her list.

I got all of her books.

Took like a minute and her friends were wandering around and I'm

trying to get the list from her friends and just not happening.

So they spent like half an hour wandering around the bookstore while

with her carrying her whole stack of books just ready to go, and I'm

helping people all around them.

And so, I remember them kind of being in the.

So I remember it a little bit differently.

So of course I was there with my friends freshmen, of course.

We were wandering around going, oh cool, look at this cool thing in

the bookstore and this cool thing.

And we were there to get books.

We were all able, you know, looking around, seeing what's available because

we were brand new freshman at the school and there's, this guy walks up

to me, and he says, how can I help you?

And we're like, we're good.

We're gonna look around.

And I remember him just taking my list out of my hand.

And at that point I was completely awestruck because here was this

tall, dark longhaired guy in a jean jacket with his button.

This side, let me help you.

And I.

I've never noticed anybody like him before.

He's pretty handsome.

And then of course he grabs his book and grabs my books and gives them back to me,

and I'm just like totally awestruck the rest of the wander around the bookstore.

I'm not sure how much longer later this was, but then something that never

happened to me before happened is a girl came into the bookstore when I was

working and kind of walked up to me and said, Hey, I've been seeing you talk

with lots of girls and be with lots of girls around, how come you never

come over and talk to me or see me?

And I didn't know what to necessarily say there.

So it was all, like she said other stuff to me, but I wasn't there anymore.

I'm not sure how much longer it took, maybe a day or two.

Uhhuh, , but then I tried to find her.

Now, my freshman year, we, we both went to Pacific University, obviously my

freshman year I stayed in Clark Hall.

My second year I stayed in Marsh Hall and she was her first year in

Walter Hall, and I had never spent any time in, Walter wasn't real familiar

with it, so she I went looking for her because I kind of remember.

Walter something, something Walter conversation, something, something

girl like Is, is talking to me about how come you haven't come talk to me.

And, and while, yes.

While I was talking with lots of girls that that was a unique thing that, that

happened because yeah I was, I was very much a flirt, but I was also very much.

Every I was like very safe.

So yes was, which was the best way to put it.

So like girls were bringing their moms and grandmas to meet me, and

I would be just as flirty with the moms and grandmas as I was with all.

And so everybody kind of loved me, but this the way

she came at that was a little.

. Now, this is to totally not me.

If you know me, I'm not a person to just step out there like that.

But over the week, between the time he gave me my books and

the week I went back and said to him, why don't you come visit me?

And I still don't know why or how I did that, except I was

really infatuated with this guy.

I kept looking out the window of the dorm and I would see him walk

across the courtyard with a girl.

. And then later I'd see him walk across the courtyard with a different girl.

And then later I'd see him walk across the courtyard with a different girl.

And I was like, wow, is he really with that many people or what?

But it, like I said, it was just one of those things, it's like I knew I

needed to try to get to know him a little better, but he came to find me.

He ended up at my best friend's door down the hall.

I, oh, I ended up at a lot of doors.

Rushed, I ended up at a lot of doors before I even found the right hallway

So I didn't know that.

Yeah.

So it wasn't that I was looking for her friend, it was just me trying to like zero

in and get, figure out where that was.

And and then when I actually.

Found her room cuz her, her roommate or her friend brought me over there.

There was another dude there.

Hitting on her like they were this together thing.

And I was somehow intruding on this moment.

So it's like I, I was also very confused by this, so I actually

made friends with the dudes.

We played darts, , he got rid of him for me, , that was pretty funny cause

I, you know, he was interested in me.

I wasn't so interested in him.

It was.

Freshman things, orientation, you know, getting to know people.

But anyway, so that's how I started.

And for me it was basically love at first sight.

And I am so blessed that my instincts were correct and right, because I picked a good

one, a guy who cares for me and takes care of me and loves me and is committed to me.

And I was so very blessed to.

Find the right guy right away.

And, and obviously she feels that way about me, that me being with all of

the different girls wasn't me being No.

With all of those different girls.

It it was, like I said, I was just that guy that everybody liked and, and all

the guys too, it's like guys with their girlfriends would come up and talk to me.

I would like play with the girls' ears while it was so, and it just

blew me away that all of that would be happening and the guys would

be looking at me and the girl and they didn't care cuz they knew me.

And I was just that guy that could do that.

Exactly.

And I was incredibly, like I said, I was incredibly safe cause.

Of the way I am.

It's like I, I can't hurt people.

So there was just this really, so when she came at me like that, it's

like she this is, this is different.

Oh, but, so anyway, as we got to know each other and grew closer and closer,

we decided, he decided to ask me to marry him, which was really, really amazing.

And then soon thereafter we decided to get married and we had our first

son, and then we had another son, and I was still finishing school.

One thing that I think we've really been good at is hard work and good

work ethic through teamwork together.

And through learning together, we've been able to get through some

very interesting ups and downs and circumstances throughout our lives.

Yeah.

We've been through fire is the way we put it.

Yeah.

We walked through fire to get to where we are.

And from where we started with neither one of our, we were the first of.

Both of our families to really graduate from college.

Mm-hmm.

. We had two kids by the time we got out of college and we still managed to graduate.

Yep.

We ended up in government subsidized housing because we were so broke and

we worked our way out of that into our first rental, finishing college,

and then into our first house.

And we worked our way into businesses and just we never stopped and.

It never really seemed like it.

Everything always seemed like it was the same.

We always had the same kind of things, but we, it was just more, it

just was slowly getting better and then things like really started to

get better and that's when I also.

Traumatic brain injury kind of took us out.

And so again, this is part of where it's like the, for better

or for worse really kicks in.

Really kicks in.

But that was also the second time we really got kicked because the

first time was when she got dizzy.

Yeah.

And that, that really slammed our forward progress and put us in the hole.

Yeah.

I was two years without work due to vertigo.

So total like body instability.

I had to basically retrain myself to walk and move and be able to be in a classroom

because, you know, being a primary age teacher, second grade, eight year old,

seven, eight year olds, a lot of movement.

Um, when the vertigo was really, really bad, every time they moved,

it would send me spinning as.

And I couldn't handle being in the classroom.

So for two years I was doing physical therapy and eye therapy and seeing doctors

and doing everything we could to figure out what was going on with me and my body,

and why this vertigo wouldn't go away.

And so that we crashed financially during, yeah, financially, because

we were a two income household and then suddenly we were one income

household because I wasn't working.

So like, and then we worked our way back out of that to start businesses again.

And self-development again.

Self-development again, and putting our family forward again and everything.

And yeah, it was, and then it all fell apart again.

No, not yet.

We had our whole big real estate journey.

Yeah.

Yep.

So that was really, really amazing.

And that's when he, we decided that it was time for maybe Herb to step

away from work and do something full-time in entrepreneurship.

Especially because I had really busted up my body pretty bad.

Mm-hmm.

and I was in really bad shape physically, and so I was also taking

the time to work on my health.

So we had changed my diet, we had changed lifestyle.

Um, there was so many.

Aspects of change that was going on all at once.

And it was also during this time where I took that final big hit on in my head.

Yeah.

And so the changes that were going on made me feel like I was

going crazy and everything was falling apart at the same time.

Some things were getting better, so.

I can't imagine how bad things would've got had I not so actively

already been working on my health.

The amount of brain damage that, that I actually suffered, um, during that time.

During that time, yeah.

Is, is, yeah.

But again, it's one of those things where commitment, for better, for worse, he's

stuck by me for the two years and I could barely move at times, and I was so down.

And then after his final blow for his traumatic brain injury, again, it's

been, you know, commitment and love and caring for each other and making it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So yeah, way back from the start, uh, if I had known it was going

to be like this I would do it anyway just because it's with her.

I would jump in feet first, hopefully, knowing I would

be able to change some of it.

. Um, but I also know that when we do make it to the other side when,

cuz we do just keep going mm-hmm.

And so when, if you just keep going, you will eventually make it.

So when we do eventually, Stop having to worry about money and move to a

place where we get to worry about other things besides money because

you don't stop having problems.

They, they just change.

It would be really nice if money wasn't

It wasn't one of them.

If the lack of money wasn't one of them.

Exactly.

But we're on our way again, we've decided that it was time to.

Jump out there and do the entrepreneurship full-time again.

And so that's where we're at.

Like I was saying is, is when we get there, we know that we're gonna

be together cuz there's nothing that's worth losing her or coming

between us because we've, we've been to the point where was like, well,

shit, where were you gonna sleep?

But, Also we've been, he's been at the doghouse a few times, but never outside.

We've also, outside, we've also been in, in Acapulco, in pools with millionaires

at the Mexico mansion in a pool sipping tequila, looking at a sunset.

That went on forever.

That went on forever.

So, It's like, you know, we, we've been on all sides of it and I would

rather be the part, nowhere else except beside him doing everything.

The, the, the, my favorite part of all of it is, is being right next to her.

So, you know that, that.

, good or bad, you know, way better.

Good.

Because when the tensions get bad, you know, sometimes the

communication can get a little tense.

Mm-hmm.

, but even then we als, there's also this deep sense of knowing that no

matter how bad it gets, we're still.

Here.

For each other.

For each other, exactly.

So there's a little bit about us and how we've been together for as

many years as we've been together.

And you know, we like to think that we might have some pearls of wisdom.

So if you ever want to chat with us a little bit more about our adventures

in marriage or our adventures in relationship, no, we got a lot of stories.

We'd be happy to chat with you a little bit more.

But also, you know, so.

You just need a listening ear from someone who's had a lot of experience.

So maybe you're a newer couple who, um, is just starting out

and have or hit a rough patch.

You know, it works.

So talk to people.

So maybe give us a, give us a chat, give us a message.

Um, we will come back another time with our entrepreneur story.

We alluded to it a little bit throughout our.

Story today, but mostly we wanna give you a full background of where we were,

where, what we've come through, and how we're still together after I say

31 years, but he says about 33 years.

33.

Just, it's just what?

Uh, longer than her.

. All right, everybody.

Well, I hope you enjoyed our story and.

Thoughts for today, and we'll be back another time and we'll also be bringing

on lots of new guests coming up.

We have an international guest coming up in the next couple of weeks.

We have some more school ideas, we have some more entrepreneurial ideas,

and sooner or later we'll get back to another chat on relationship ideas.

Thank you for joining us today and have a wonderful day and thank you for