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So I turned 50 years old this week.

That's something I thought I would never see.

And whenever birthday come up, I'm always very much celebrating.

I've never been one of those ones that things.

Oh, no. I'm 40 or I know I'm 30.

I'm like, Yes, I made it to 50 years old and being paralysed

since 18 years old, you know, I was lying in that hospital bed.

I thought, you know what, if I, in five, ten years

in paralysed, sitting down my body

the way it ended up, I thought I would never I thought I'd be good for ten years.

I'd be pretty good with that.

But no, here I am, 50 years old, 31 years in a wheelchair.

I think that's going pretty damn well.

So, yeah.

Thank you, Body. Thank you, life. Thank you.

What's gratitude?

Every cell in my body that, you know just works tirelessly to keep me here and keep me alive.

And with this wonderful experience of life.

And I thought with a wonderful irony in a twist, I spent the evening

up at the

crematorium on a carol singing evening, the lovely evening.

It was a wonderful reminder of the people we lost.

Wonderful reminder of Jesus been born and the life cycle.

I was just thinking.

We often look at 50 years old, just halfway through, or

if it is halfway through and I've got another 50 years left.

But in a way, I don't think that's.

But yeah, 50 years old of the crematorium.

What a time for reflection.

And I did.

Many people have said goodbye to their

leader, my friend.

A you know, in the thirties.

And I say goodbye to many other people.

Mrs. No's,

so many other funerals.

I've been there and Mrs. No's funeral.

I was really saddened actually, because there was not very many people there.

I said to the vicar at the time and they were really sad that not many people came to a funeral.

Annie Guest is not sad.

I mean, she outlived many of her friends.

I look today completely different.

I thought, Wow. Yes.

And I thought about whenever you see these huge funerals,

we have literally hundreds and sometimes thousands of people.

It means that they died too early.

Maybe they're not

the universe.

What the universe does is way above my pay grade.

But yeah, I just it was a wonderful reflection on my legacy.

So I thought, that's my next podcast.

I want to talk about our legacy of what we do and and,

you know, we all want to leave a legacy of some kind, but I'm not going to go into detail with that.

I want to talk about coming home.

I said to a friend emailed me and told me about this,

and she said about in single and becoming whole.

And I just thought, Let's do a podcast about it.

This is my favourite and I love it whenever I come alive, whenever I'm talking about

becoming integral, becoming whole, becoming the best possible human.

What does it mean? Was like, how can we do it?

Does it improve our relationships, all those things.

So we're going to cover those topics on today's podcast.

And today's podcast is about becoming all.

So I'm Stephen Webb.

This is Stillness in the Storms, a podcast that helps you to get through the most difficult times in life,

a podcast that helps you to expand your mind and expand the way you live

and really become more whole.

Enjoy life more.

You improve your relationships, improve is the way you live

and just get more joy out of it.

And I really want to cover

the subject of what does it mean to become whole?

So why is it important?

Let's cover that to begin with

and why is it important?

Well, it will improve every aspect of your life

more you integrate

being human and the experience here of being human,

The more you start to love life and enjoy life, the more gratitude you'll have for every moment.

It won't always be great.

You won't get to that place of peace, joy and enlightenment and be happy ever after.

You will end up having more sad and lonely times as well.

You'll also have better, happier joy, peace, enlightenment, times as well.

And so by integrating both, you'll become less of a victim.

You'll you'll recognise your feelings more often.

You'll take notice of them.

And what does it mean by becoming?

How will?

For many, many years I suffered from shame and I never knew I did.

Not me. I'm glad Chip on my shoulder.

I'm not one of these people that suffers from shame and things like that.

I'm doing really well in life. I'm always happy

that I didn't ask people to

help.

If someone offered me help, I would say, No, I'm okay.

I like

and I never realised why.

And then I was looking at trying to fundraise for a new electric wheelchair

and one of my fellow councillors said to me, Why don't you just ask me why?

I can ask people.

When I ask people, I got to give them something.

Is it now You do many things for people.

Why don't you just ask them to fundraise?

Ask them to donate towards a new electric wheelchair for you.

You deserve it.

I say no, you can do that.

I've got to like, raise money for charity. I've got to do this.

I'll do that.

And I asked.

And they gave.

And three months later I bought a new electric route

and it made me think about something.

An act said to me one day and we were signing my daily bib.

And I know I remember the discussion.

She said something to me and it triggered me.

She looked up and goes, There's a problem.

See, you've got a problem with being disabled.

You have like this chip on your shoulder.

And she didn't say in that way.

I cannot remember the exact sentence, she said,

but I really pissed me off.

And my normal reaction would be, You're wrong.

That so?

You have no idea.

You don't know what you're talking about.

And I would argue and I'd fight it, but I didn't.

I sat there and thought,

well, maybe if it affects me, maybe if it bothers me, maybe she's right.

Maybe there's something there.

Now, then I don't think she was being all right.

However,

she was right.

I had this

shame about my disability.

I didn't feel like I earned my

right to be disabled.

Zaha, here I am, severely paralysed when I see other people that are disabled.

I'm like, Wow, you do so well in life

that I had this deep shame about.

I was the one that broke my neck and I was a dumb ass that did it.

So I had a real shame about that,

asking people for my help.

It's like, Well, how can I ask someone for my help When I was the one that went and died in the pool?

I was a dumbass that night.

So when anybody says to me, You're an inspiration, Stephen, you're doing so well

and you're doing so amazing, I just.

I didn't believe them.

I thought, No, no, I'm the that Martha dived into a pool I created by accident.

I don't deserve all this help.

I don't deserve all these things and all these great things

that people do and help me wave and fund for me and things like that.

I feel that I've

got to pay my way and pay it all back

because I don't deserve it.

And there it was.

That was my shame, holding me back for 30 years,

29 years maybe.

I can't remember quite when this was.

And suddenly I felt free.

Suddenly I could see it.

Do I still feel shame?

Yes, that voice still comes up.

But I've integrated as part of my life now.

I still feel shame about the actions that I did that night.

I was a massive dived into the pool.

But because I integrate that and that feeling,

I now have the ability to go know what?

It's not that they're complimenting me on

when they say you're an inspiration, it's because the other things I do since then, that's what I've done with it.

So I integrate that.

So becoming whole is about not denying the bit you don't like or the bits that affect your body.

You. It's not trying to disprove people that trigger you and bother you.

It's about, Oh, there's something there that's integrated

as it is of my life.

And I do have a shame about my accident where I did it.

And that's okay to have that.

But it no longer controls me.

It no longer affects me in my daily things.

So when someone offers to help me, my original trigger used to be no know.

I walk away now

say No, I'm fine, I don't need it now.

My initial reaction is, Oh, okay, help me.

And yeah, so when someone pays me a compliment, now I take and I,

I am grateful for it.

So when I say about coming home,

integrate the things we don't like as well,

is there the things that are holding you back more and invest in other things you fear going

Someone says something that pisses you off.

Go there,

sit down peacefully. Don't argue.

I'm not saying argue back and say the wrong end of it.

I'm saying sit in silence later that day and go,

Maybe they're right, maybe they're right.

And with that,

with that attitude of openness,

we listen to more voices within.

And the more voices we listen with then,

you know, those quiet ones that are screaming out that we're trying to deny

and those loud ones that we hear all the time,

that we tend to focus on way, way too much.

You integrate them more and you kind of level in the amount.

There's no denying the ones we don't want.

We enhance them a little more.

And instead of giving all the attention to the ones that

we enjoy, we lessen them a little.

That doesn't mean to say we don't enjoy them,

but where does this really help us?

And I tell you one place this really helps us becoming all

is relationship.

I've been single.

I'm been in a relationship

now. Then this is one of my

this is where my favourite subject really comes alive and is

we're not attracted to opposites.

No, we have this old thought that opposites attract

and it feels like it and it looks like it, but bear with me a minute.

Let just just open your mind for a moment and consider this.

It looks like it from the outside.

When you look at a couple see you look at that band member that's on stage singing

and they tend to date someone that's quite quiet on

the front row and once that

quite quiet on the front row.

And so you've got the extrovert on stage

dating the introvert in the front way,

and it looks like they're completely opposite

and they are to the person looking from the outside.

But really that one on stage wants to enhance that quiet voice inside of them.

And the one in the front wants more of that louder voice.

They want to become that.

So what we do is we end up dating somebody that looks opposite to us.

Narcissist.

They really quiet person

with the quiet voice that isn't controlling,

that isn't able to take control of situations and make decisions,

seem to be attracted to the person that makes decisions and take control and vice versa.

And it's because a person wants to have more control.

Make decision

instead of them enhancing it

and growing that muscle in themselves.

They somebody

that does it for them

and vice versa.

That narcissist that and I'm saying narcissist,

we're all narcissists in some respect.

I'm not talking about a psychopathic narcissist.

I'm not talking about the word I.

I'm talking about the teenage

kind of narcissist is all about me, that kind of person.

And we can all be there sometimes.

We you know, we all we all should embrace that

healthy, narcissistic

empowerment voice within us, but not the unhealthy one.

That's not that's not makes those two.

And if you'd like me to do a podcast on that

healthy and unhealthy narcissistic control, things like that, I'm more than happy to do.

So let me now email me.

Let's go to Stephen Webb, UK, and you could message me more than happy to do that.

It's a really interesting subject, but going back to

so the person that

makes all the decisions

want somebody to that

they don't want to make a decision all the time.

They feel they have to, so therefore they take someone.

They cannot make decisions, whereas really they want the opposite.

They want somebody else to do the opposite to them

is because they want to embrace.

They feel like becoming whole.

They have to have somebody else to replace what they are.

And that's where it comes down to combat muddled up.

Now, my thinking, but if you think about you as a person,

as you're developing, if you've got a quiet voice,

then you tend to date narcissist or things like that.

Is it really that you are attracted to them

or is it that you really want to have a little more control in your life

and you want to have that voice and you want to start making decisions for yourself?

You fear doing it sometimes.

So instead of embracing that fear and becoming whole

and and integrate in that voice,

you tend to date somebody.

It it for you.

And that's why in our twenties, authorities, when we split up in a relationship, it feels like half was ripped apart

because the person we're dating

completes us.

Yeah, that lands like a wow

indeed for me.

So in my forties, I started integrating all those voices and I'm still working on it.

There's no way to get too afraid when you get when you think you got there, you go in as an old,

as an old ancient Zen saying,

when you get to the top of the mountain, keep climbing because there's always somebody to go.

There's no enlightenment at the top of the mountain, but becoming

whole, you integrate every part of your life,

you know, right from the grief, the shame to the peace and the joy and the love, the desires.

You don't deny any of these feelings you enjoy and embrace all of them.

It'll come and go like the poem by Rumi.

You know, it's like these emotions will come and go and they're in your house

and they'll do all these things, embrace them all as if they're a gift from the gods.

And it's a gift.

They've been human.

You imagine getting to the end of your life,

and we've relied on

everybody else to complete many things that we are not.

And you get to the new life and someone says, You know that your favourite band,

they had another channel you never heard

or you know, I used things like that and there was extra clothes

or there was all these other modes in your car that you never switched on, you never knew about them.

Well, that's what it's like. We deny all those extra modes.

We deny all these our feelings because about uncomfortable.

But when you embrace slight uncomfortable,

you don't only unlock that, you unlock the opposite.

At the same time

you when you embrace making decisions.

If you find it difficult, you unlock the ability to take control of your life

as well, rather than having someone control your life.

This makes sense.

So how do you do this?

One of the things you can do is give to people

that you admire and could be famous people.

They could be this somebody from history or somebody your friends or anything like that.

You could simply be admire and you can write this down.

This is a really good exercise.

Write this down and email me.

But two people you admire and think of the traits that you admire about them.

And for me it would be like Bill Clinton.

And I love the way he talks, the way he embraces

what seems to be the wisdom and the talks and the

and the openness to be able to communicate really well despite politics.

Put politics aside for a minute

and Jordan Po, my teacher and

Ocean and many other teachers I've had you know,

that wholeness and ability to stay wise and calm

when everything is going really wrong.

Now I really admire them, but I'm learning to do that in my life.

And then things are okay.

Things are

becoming more whole and you just integrate it.

And then the more you integrate, the more skills you have, the more ability to be able to do these things.

Suddenly there you are.

Not worried about life? No.

Worried about what comes up because you already have the skills you don't need.

The other person, a different person,

and you don't need your teacher, You don't need any of those things.

You know, the perfect teachers don't.

They don't say, right, I'm not going to teach you anything,

but I'm going to hang out with you just in case you need that

the perfect teacher teaches you use those skill

and that's the point of becoming whole, is

now become your teacher

and your teacher.

Well, integrate it in your life.

Don't rely on somebody else.

Don't rely on life. Don't rely on the government or anybody else.

Integrate everything in your life.

You know, listen to those voices.

Invite the quiet ones to speak up.

If you find decisions hard,

not make in smaller decision, and then grow that muscle to do that,

you know, by not becoming whole, what you do it

is you asking someone else to go to the gym and do the running for you and you hang out with them

in some weird way that we think will will get the benefit from Labour.

So that's why I talk about when I talk about

becoming whole, let me know if that helps.

I'm going to go up to my parents right now

because they've organised a and party for me for my fifth year

and I'm worried about like sewing and aftercare and then what?

They're waiting for me.

So I love you guys.

You guys have also become more whole. Integrate everything.

Listen, there's choir voices.

Stop looking for somebody else to do it for you.

Stop looking for your teachers to hang out with you just in case you need them.

You know, embrace all those voices within.

Soften the louder voices

within that you always go to embrace the good and bad times, make it all part of it.

And if you didn't this in my last week's podcast,

I talked about the stick, the boyfriend's stock shop in the state.

It's not last week's podcast, and you know what I mean?

That take care of an awesome week.

Head over to Stephen Webb, UK if I help in any way cheaply to a coffee that would be awesome.

Helps me with editing.

It helps me with I am for the platform that my podcast goes out on

and it helps me to build my email list

so I can email you and let you know all those things cost a little bit of money.

So if you head over to Stephen Webb Dot UK

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Just helps me do these things, the editing and things like that.

So really appreciate it.

Otherwise look, just have an awesome week and I will see you next week.