What are you pretending not to know? Not "what do you want" — that question lets you stay stuck in "I need more clarity." This one requires honesty. This Friday Reflection is for high-achieving women over 40 who are tired of hiding behind the clarity they're waiting for.

In this episode:

•The Clarity Trap — why "I don't know" is a strategy, not a truth

•Kiley's Story — the year she spent writing romance novels in secret before she told anyone

•Five Reflection Questions — the exact questions to sit with this week

•The Joy Journal Practice — three minutes a day, seven days, and what to look for

•The Real Cost — what another year of pretending actually costs you

This episode is for you if:

•You keep saying "I need more clarity" before you can make a move

•You know what you want but are terrified of what it would mean to say it out loud

•You've been waiting for permission that's never coming

•You're ready to stop performing and start living

Your practice this week: Start the Joy Journal. Three things that brought you joy today, how they made you feel. Seven days. Then look for patterns — those patterns are your zone of genius trying to get your attention.

Book a free Clarity Session with Kiley: https://calendly.com/kileysuarez/clarity-session-kiley

"No urgency. No fixing. Just noticing."

• Connect the Dots: Pair this episode with Episode 23 — What Really Happens in a First Coaching Session — to understand the full picture of what coaching actually does.

Hey.

It's Friday.

Welcome back.

This week we talked about what actually happens in a coaching session.

The values work, the vision building, the zone of genius exploration.

But the thing that I keep coming back to, the thing I can't stop thinking about, it's this.

Most of you already know what you want.

You're just pretending you don't.

And I get it.

I really do, because I did the same thing.

I spent a year writing romance novels in secret before I told anyone.

Not because I didn't know I wanted to write.

I knew.

I'd always known.

I was just terrified of what it would mean to say it out loud.

So today, instead of giving you more information, I want to give you space.

Space to get honest with yourself about what you already know but have been too afraid to claim.

Here's what I want you to sit with this week.

What are you pretending not to know?

Not what do you want?

Because that question lets you stay stuck in I don't know.

But what are you pretending not to know?

There's a difference.

When I ask, what do you want?

You can say, I need more clarity.

But when I ask, what are you pretending not to know?

You have to get honest.

Maybe you're pretending you don't know that your current job is draining you.

Maybe you're pretending you don't know that you want to start that business.

Maybe you're pretending you don't know that your marriage needs an honest conversation.

Maybe you're pretending you don't know that you've been waiting for permission that's never coming.

What are you pretending not to know?

Sit with that.

Write it down if you need to, say it out loud, if you're brave enough.

Because here's what I've learned.

The thing you're most afraid to admit is usually the thing that wants to change the most.

And you can keep hiding behind I need clarity.

You can keep waiting for the perfect moment.

You can keep telling yourself you'll figure it out later, or you can get honest right now about what you already know.

This week, I mentioned the joy journal.

Tracking the top three things that brought you joy each day and noticing the themes.

And some of you might be thinking, that sounds nice, Kylie, but I don't have time for journaling.

Okay, I hear you.

But here's the thing.

You have time for scrolling Instagram at night.

You have time for one more load of laundry.

You have time for worrying about everything you haven't done.

You're choosing to spend your time on those things.

What if you chose to spend three Minutes.

Literally three minutes.

Noticing what brought you joy today.

Not because it's going to fix everything.

Not because it's some magic solution, but because you deserve to remember what makes you feel alive.

The Joy Journal isn't about forcing positivity or pretending everything's fine.

It's about paying attention to the moments when you felt like yourself.

Because those moments, they're clues.

They're breadcrumbs leading you back to who you actually are underneath all the roles and responsibilities.

This week.

Try it.

Just seven days.

Three things that brought you your joy, how they made you feel.

And at the end of the week, look for patterns.

Do you light up when you're creating something?

When you're connecting with people?

When you're learning something new?

When you're moving your body, when you're alone?

Those patterns are your zone of genius trying to get your attention.

Listen to them.

Here are the questions I want you to sit with this week.

1.

What am I pretending not to know?

Don't edit.

Don't censor.

Just Write what's true.

2.

If I knew what I wanted, what would it be?

Notice how that question feels different than what do I want?

When you remove the uncertainty, what shows up?

3.

What would it cost me to keep pretending I don't know.

Another year of feeling stuck.

Another year of resentment building.

Another year of watching other women do what you're too afraid to try.

Get specific.

What's the real cost of staying where you are?

4.

If you're willing to take action, even scared, even unsure.

What would I do in the next 24 hours?

Not someday.

Not when you have it all figured out.

What would you do tomorrow if you stopped hiding behind clarity?

5.

Which of my core values am I expressing least right now?

And here's the follow up.

How can I bring more of that value into my life this week?

Not a huge overhaul.

Not a life changing decision.

Just one small way you can honor what actually matters to you.

Here's what I know about you.

You're capable.

You're accomplished.

You've built a life that looks good on paper.

And somewhere underneath all of that, there's a version of you that wants more.

Not because you're ungrateful.

Not because there's something wrong with you, but because you're ready to stop performing and start living.

And that version of you, she already knows what she wants.

She knows what lights her up.

She knows what her zone of genius is.

She knows what values matter most.

She's just been waiting for you to stop pretending you don't know so this week, as you're doing the Joy Journal, as you're sitting with these reflecting questions, I want you to listen to her.

Not the voice that tells you to be practical.

Not the voice that says, who do you think you are?

Not the voice that's been keeping you safe by keeping you small.

Listen to the voice that knows she's been there all along, waiting, watching, hoping you'll finally pay attention.

This is her moment.

What is she trying to tell you?

Thank you for being here.

Thank you for doing this work.

If something shifted for you this week, I love to hear about it.

DM me on Instagram or reply to my substack email.

I read every single message.

And if you're realizing you're ready to stop hiding and start building, your second act is waiting.

Stop pretending you don't know what it looks like.

I'll see you Tuesday.

Okay, here's what I have to say to make the lawyers happy.

The Joy Shift podcast with Kylie Suarez shares my personal views and the experience experiences of my guests.

It means it's meant for inspiration and conversation, not medical, psychological or financial advice.

Everyone's situation is different.

Before making any big changes in your life, talk with your healthcare provider, mental health team, financial advisor, or another's qualified professional.

Take what resonates, leave the rest.

Always choose what's right for you.