Ever had one of those days where your emotions run the meeting, instead of you? You’re not alone—and this week’s episode is all about giving you the tools to handle those moments with skill (and way less shame).

In this episode,  we are getting real about the very real challenges ADHD business owners face when emotions take the wheel.  No HR department, no middle manager… and nowhere to run when your brain decides to get unhinged.

I’m introducing the SPACE Framework, a practical, easy-to-remember tool designed for ADHD brains to manage those high-intensity situations. (If you love frameworks and acronyms, you’re in for a treat— your activated brain will actually remember it. 

Here’s a sneak peek at what you’ll learn:

Spot Your Patterns: Start by noticing your personal triggers—client feedback, high-stakes moments, unclear expectations, time pressure, or those awkward money conversations. I’m sharing physical, emotional, and environmental early warning signs, so you can spot trouble before it hits.

Pause the Escalation: Meet the powerful 90-second rule. Emotional chemicals peak and recede in just 90 seconds—if you don’t feed them.  I share micro-pause techniques you can use in the moment (think hydration breaks, “Let me think for a second,” or strategic note-taking) to ride out the waves.

Act in the Moment: When you’re already activated, it’s about damage control, not perfection. Lower your voice, slow your speech, stick to the facts— I’ve got you with scripts and tips for how to stay in control when you feel anything but.

Clear the Air: Messed up? (We all do!) Learn how to take professional accountability—without over-apologizing or spiraling in shame. Clear, direct language for addressing emotional incidents and a real-world repair timeline are included.

Evolve Your System: Set up prevention tools, emotional “first aid,” and recovery supports so you’re not always in crisis mode. From environmental tweaks (noise-cancelling headphones, standing desks) to business systems that support your brain, this episode covers it all.

Grab Your Free Resource! 

To make this episode even more actionable, I created a downloadable PDF that breaks down the SPACE Framework with easy-to-use scripts and examples. Get your copy here

Try ONE thing from the episode this week—maybe it’s noticing your triggers, preparing a “pause phrase,” or just putting a big water bottle on your desk before calls. Small steps, big changes.

You got this!

About the Host

Diann Wingert is a former psychotherapist and serial entrepreneur turned business coach, specializing in helping entrepreneurs with ADHD and other “not-so-neurotypical” brains thrive.

Drawing from both her clinical expertise and business experience, Diann delivers actionable advice, real-world strategies, and a refreshingly honest perspective on building a business, balancing priorities, and protecting your most precious resources: your time and your creative energy.

I gave a webinar on Sept 24th for ADDitude magazine on managing stress and emotions at work.  If you know someone who struggles with this, but has a job, not a business, share this link with them: https://bit.ly/4gMEkn4

© 2025 ADHD-ish Podcast. Intro music by Ishan Dincer / Melody Loops  / Outro music by Vladimir /  Bobi Music / All rights reserved. 

It probably won't surprise you to hear that ADHD brains experience emotions with 30% more intensity. But when you're running a business, there's no HR department, no manager to hide behind, and nowhere to run when your nervous system decides to get unhinged. As a therapist turned ADHD business coach, I've created a framework for managing these moments. And that's what this episode is all about, so let's get into it.

If you've ever walked away from an interaction with a team member feeling like you completely lost it, or spent weeks avoiding following up with someone after an emotional reaction, I need you to hear this. This is not a personal weakness. This is your brain doing exactly what ADHD brains do under stress.

Here's what makes this particularly tricky for us as business owners. The business world demands emotional control in environments that are basically designed to dysregulate brains like ours. Client calls with unexpected criticism, Zoom meetings that run way too long. Rejection, whether it's reposal that doesn't land, or someone who ghosts after what you thought was an amazing discovery call. Time pressure around deadlines when somebody needs it yesterday, I don't need to go on. But when you own the business, these emotional moments have direct consequences.

Professionally lost clients, damaged referral networks. That person who was going to introduce you to three ideal clients but now crickets or getting a reputation is unprofessional or difficult to work with in your industry. On the personal side, the shame spirals that last for days, the increased masking and emotional exhaustion. Avoiding important conversations like following up or money people owe you, or having boundary conversations with that overly demanding client. And of course our old friend imposter syndrome only gets louder.

So here's a quick neuroscience fact that really helps all of this make more sense. When you're activated, you literally don't have access to the parts of your brain that create calm, your executive functioning. You know, the part that handles planning, impulse control and rational thinking, that's the part that goes offline first when you get emotional. Now, ADHD brains, it's a known fact we have a shorter fuse. Our emotional center, the amygdala, gets activated more quickly and more intensely and stays activated longer. It's like we're driving around with a hair trigger alarm system or as I often tell my clients, an itchy trigger finger.

So when someone tells you just calm down or can't you be more professional? They're asking you to access a part of your brain that is status unavailable, it's just not happening. So what can you do about it? Well, I'm going to walk you through something I created for just these moments because they happen to all of us so it pays to be prepared. I called it the Space Framework, and it will help you quickly figure out where you are and give you multiple routes to where you want to go.

Now, if you are a long time listener, you already know I love alliteration and acronyms and frameworks, but if you're new here, I'm not just trying to be clever. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But ADHD brains tend to be forgetful, especially when we're emotionally activated, so acronyms are just easier to remember. Now, when you need to create space in your mind and in your brain, you need to give yourself space to think and not react. This is your Swiss army knife. You ready? Okay.

Space stands for S is spot your patterns, P is pause the escalation, A, act in the moment, C, clear the air, and E, evolve your system. And I'm going to walk you through each of these with examples and specific ways to apply it. Each step in the Space Framework builds on the previous one, but you can enter the framework at any point in the emotional cycle. Hey, wouldn't it be great if we caught ourself before we get triggered by predicting it might happen? Well, that's unlikely.

Every step builds on the previous one, but you can enter the Framework at any point in the emotional cycle. Hey, sometimes we catch ourselves as we're being triggered, or even before, but usually not. And sometimes we don't even recognize what was going on until after we have completely lost our shit and crashed out. So I'm going to tell you what to do at any stage of the cycle. Let's break it down. Okay, S is the first part of the Space Framework, and it stands for spot your patterns. Well, what does that mean? I want you to think about your last three emotional incidents in your business.

I'm not talking about perfect storm moments, I'm talking about the pattern. Because most of us have a pattern, we just haven't recognized it yet. Here are some high probability triggers for most of us running business with ADHD brains to help you recognize your pattern. Client feedback or criticism especially when it activates your rejection sensitivity. And by the way, even positive feedback can set us off because our brains will be busy scanning for the hidden but. Also, high stakes visibility moments, I'm talking launches, speaking gigs, being in the spotlight. The spotlight heightens ADHD anxiety like nothing else, so it's probably going to be a pattern.

When expectations are unclear, ADHD brains struggle with ambiguity, so we fill in the gaps with our imagination and that usually means worst case scenarios. So, when a client says the just send me something when you can, our brain translates that into 47 different meanings, none of them good. Or how about time pressure, a client needs something by the end of the day. You've got a deadline and your tech isn't cooperating. This creates urgency that short circuits our executive functioning and we get triggered. And how about money conversations, whether it's someone questioning your pricing, late payments, or having to chase down money you're owed, a lot of us are what I call funny about money.

And I've even had a few clients tell me they struggle to send invoices to satisfied clients for work they've already done. Now here's the thing, don't judge the pattern, just take note of it. And the fact that your body usually knows you're headed for trouble before your brain does. So we're going to talk next about those early warning signs. The physical ones first, muscle and movement changes. So, like clenching your jaw, that's a big one for me. If you're a fidgeter, your fidgeting increases. If you're a leg bouncer, you're doing more of that. Tension in your neck, head and shoulders, that's a big one for me too.

And here's a sneaky one, when you're usually really restless and that suddenly stops most of the time, that's not calm, that's freeze mode so, you're already in process of escalating. Then there are physiological shifts. So, holding your breath or shallow breathing when you suddenly start feeling hotter or colder, your stomach feels tight, or your heart is beating so fast you can actually feel it. Then there are the subtle signs that most people are going to miss. Like blinking more or less frequently, changes in the pitch of your voice, your posture shifting around.

It's like suddenly leaning away from the camera when you usually lean in, or crossing your arms when that's not what you normally do, those are all physical signs. Then there are the emotional early warning signs and again, these are early warning signs. So, if you notice them, you have time to ground yourself before you continue to escalate. Before you hit total overwhelm, you may feel brittle or fragile or vulnerable in some way.

You may have a sudden feeling of mental fatigue, like your brain is literally just grinding to a halt. You may feel a sense of wanting to hide or escape, which as business owners might look like suddenly deciding you need to reorganize your entire office instead of making that call. Or going down the rabbit hole of researching some obscure topic that prevents you from focusing on actual important work that's an early warning signal before you hit overwhelm. Now, if you tend to go into anger, you'll notice that you start becoming irritable at little things, feeling kind of prickly or defensive.

Your thoughts start becoming more black and white, like I just suck at business or this client is impossible. If that's not your norm, that's a pattern. Before you shut down, you will notice that your thoughts are either slowing down or speeding up. Or you start feeling disconnected, like you're kind of dissociating during conversations. You might notice that you're having word finding difficulties, like you know what you want to say, but your mouth and your brain are temporarily disconnected. And here's something that most people don't pay any attention to, but can make a massive amount of difference if you start. And that's environmental triggers, sensory stuff like the normal noise level.

If you work from home and you have a partner who also works from home and takes calls noticing the noise level and how it affects you, kids at home, construction workers, or lawnmowers outside. The lighting, especially if you do a lot of video calls every day like I do, terrible lighting will give you a headache. There's also the temperature of the room or smells. I had a client who realized that she was becoming dysregulated on client calls because she thought having a nice scented candle nearby would help her get in the mood, actually it was triggering her to become dysregulated.

Then there's timing, like the timing of day matters. I talked about this on another recent episode, I will link to that in the show notes if you haven't heard it yet. For example, are you trying to do client calls during a time of day when your energy naturally crashes? Or days of the week pattern? Like some people cannot do serious work on Mondays because they're still shifting over from weekend mode, length of meetings and like back to back meetings with no buffer. These are all things that you can address, but if you don't, they become the kind of patterns that tend to make you get triggered and dysregulated.

Then there's the setup, like, where are you physically? Do you have your back to a wall? If you got any kind of trauma history that may be triggering you in ways you don't even consciously recognize because it feels like you're trapped. Are you near an exit or are you stuck in some corner of your house where it's like an obstacle course to get out? Do you have technology stress unstable WIFI, platforms that you're using because you're used to using them but you freaking hate them. Or clients that cannot figure out how to sign into your customer portal?

These are patterns that can be addressed because when they're not, they tend to lead to you getting emotionally dysregulated. Other environmental triggers might be background music. Like, you may not notice them until they're gone, but they are low key, affecting your nervous system on a regular basis. Now here's your homework for this section, the S section. Start paying attention, just notice. If you're the kind of person who likes to track things, and that's fun for you, by all means, but you don't have to. You know what else you don't have to do yet? Fix anything. Just notice.

Okay, now we're going into P. Pause the escalation and let me hit you with something that might just blow your mind. It's called the 92nd rule. The neurochemicals that flood your brain from an emotional trigger will peak and naturally recede in 90 seconds. 90 seconds, a minute and a half. Anything longer than that means you're re-triggering yourself with your thoughts. So this gives you a very specific window of opportunity. Your job is not to stop the storm, it's to take shelter until it passes. I'm in Oregon right now, right in the middle of a thunderstorm, rainstorm like, the trees are like bent over at the middle so I understand the need to take shelter until it passes.

So here's the ADHD effect here and by the way, this 90 second rule applies to everybody, normies and us. Here's the ADHD effect, we will often have multiple waves close together. So rejection sensitivity, if that's a part of your makeup, can create new waves before the first one even ends. Or external stimuli can restart that 90 second clock but the principle remains the same, the feeling will change on its own if you don't feed it. So even if you are dealing with rejection sensitivity, even if there are environmental triggers that start new waves before the first 90 second wave has finished, there are things you can do to take shelter from it.

And that means getting ahead of what your thoughts are so that you're not making it worse, more on that. So what does this look like in real time when you're on a client call or in the middle of something? Here are some micropause techniques because we are in the pause the escalation. If you're already in it, what you can do is not make it worse. You can't abort the mission, it's already in progress. Here are ways to pause hydration breaks. I keep a big ass jug of water around all the time. So if I'm in the middle of a conversation with someone and I start to feel triggered for whatever the reason, it's not the time to try to figure out why.

And I can't exactly bounce so I'll say, oh, could you give me a second and take a sip of water or three. It's not about the water by the way, swallowing activates your parasympathetic nervous system so it's kind of like hitting a mini reset button. And the cool part is the person you're talking to does not even know it's happening, cool, right? Here's another one, verbal pause breaks. Maybe somebody's asking you a question and you're starting to get activated, agitated, triggered, whatever. Pause by saying, that's a great question let me think for a moment before I answer. Or I want to make sure I understand this correctly and then you can read it back to them.

All of this helps you buy time without making you look like a deer in the headlights or like you're unprepared. It gives you time to pause your nervous system. Then there are strategic note taking pauses. Let me capture that important point so you write it down. I write things down even though I use a note taker on every single call because it helps my brain slow down, especially if I'm feeling triggered. I used a room spray recently, I was on an all day conference six hours long with breaks. But I used a room spray that I thought was supposed to make me feel more grounded and it ended up triggering me for the whole day.

But the brakes weren't long enough for me to get up and move somewhere else and the WIFI signal where I was not good anywhere else. That was absolutely a time where I needed to be writing little notes down and taking a lot of hydration breaks. The last one for the micro pause techniques are the physical micro resets. Adjust your position in your chair, put your feet flat on the floor and feel the ground. If you can slip your shoes off, even better. You can also do shoulder rolls that are kind of disguised as stretching, and they look completely normal on video calls. So you're not drawing any kind of attention to yourself.

Now, there are going to be times when you wish you could leave. Like, you literally feel like pulling your cord out of the wall or closing your laptop and pretending you had a tech emergency. But you know you can probably get away with that once. So when you need to do something covert on the down low, here are a few strategies for that. You may have heard of box breathing that's in for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four. That's why it's a box, count in four, hold four out four, hold another four. On a video call, it just looks like you're concentrating. It looks like you're paying really close attention, meanwhile, you're regulating your nervous system.

Then there are pressure points, if you press your thumb into the palm of the opposite hand or squeeze your hands together under the table out of camera view. You can also press your feet firmly into the floor, not just place them there. You can also do some mental grounding techniques for example, counting backwards from 100 by 5. Now, you're not going to do this when someone's talking to you and you should be paying attention. But let's say you're part of a group call and you're not the focus at the moment. You need some mental grounding because something somebody just said got you activated, count backwards from 100 by 5.

You can do the Alphabet game in your head. A is for apple, B is for banana, C is for cat, D is for dog. You can describe the room to yourself in your head, colors, shapes, textures or just focus on one person's voice instead of trying to track multiple inputs these are all ways of resetting. One more body position, sit back in your chair, your shoulders down, uncross your arms, uncross your legs. Place both feet on the floor if you have a habit of crossing your legs or crossing them at the ankles. And here's the cool part your nervous system does not know the difference between real calm and faked calm or activated calm. So sometimes the performance becomes the reality.

Now, when you are actually able to take a genuine break, you can buy time while looking professional. If you're in a meeting by saying, I'd like to review this and get back to you by and give a specific time. Or would it be helpful if I put some thoughts in writing? Or could we table this until I can give it proper consideration? These are all ways of buying time when you're activated while maintaining a professional demeanor. You can redirect a process like what is the timeline for making this decision? Or what information do we still need to gather? Or who else needs to be involved in this conversation. These are great ways to buy time to calm yourself when you're activated as part of a group process or setting boundaries without over explaining.

Because most folks with ADHD have a very well developed habit of over explaining. So here's some quick examples. I want to make sure that I'm giving you my best thinking on this or you know, I need to get back to you on this. I work better when I can process complex information thoroughly on my own. Or you know, my most productive conversations have happen when I've had time to really prepare. Now notice none of these mention adhd, none of them apologize, none of them over explain. They are all professionally assertive with your boundaries and they buy you time. And here's something crucial for us as business owners breaking the avoidance cycle.

After we've had an emotional incident of any kind, we tend to avoid, don't we? We might be embarrassed, we might feel guilty, we might feel anxious. We're kind of hoping everyone will just forget, but we can't but honestly, avoidance makes everything worse. So here's what I recommend you do instead, build safety nets. Script out responses to those predictable, tough questions before calls, like have your I need a minute phrases ready. Don't try to come up with them on the spot. You won't be able to schedule decompression time immediately after difficult calls.

And don't book back to back meetings when you know ahead of time one of them is going to be hard. You can also reframe your preparation so that you don't think of it as a weakness, but as strategic planning. You're not high maintenance, you're being professional. And if you have to mention it, I prepare thoroughly because this is important. You can also build confidence through practice. Now, it might seem a little silly, but a lot of people find role playing difficult conversations with safe people before the real conversation happens to be incredibly valuable. People have done this with therapists for years, but you could do it with a roommate, a partner, a friend, anybody who's a safe space.

I actually know someone who role plays with their dog. Now of course the dog doesn't say anything in return, but they're literally practicing difficult conversations their side in advance. So they're kind of desensitizing themselves to the possibility of being activated when the real conversation comes. And always with all of these techniques, you want to start with lower stakes but similar situations. Build evidence for your brain that you can handle challenges and then work your way up to the harder ones.

Okay, you ready for the third? That is the letter A, stands for act in the moment. Now, let's talk about what you need to do when you're already activated. Because probably when you're first hearing these kind of techniques, you might believe that there's nothing you can do to anticipate getting triggered or activated because you haven't recognized the pattern yet. So this is what I call kind of the first aid moments like, dude, I'm already activated. Like, get me, get me out of my escalation. This may be where you stay for a while in using this framework because it takes time to begin to recognize and anticipate your patterns. That's not a problem, start here.

Shit happens, and sometimes there's no avoiding it. Don't be hard on yourself, but know how to act in the moment. So when you're already activated, here are your rules. Lower your voice and slow everything down. By lowering the volume of your voice slightly and I'm not talking about a whisper. But slightly and then take longer pauses between sentences. Move more slowly and more deliberately. This will signal to your nervous system that you are not in danger, even though your brain is convinced of the opposite. It also signals to whoever else is involved that you are not a threat, then buy time to process.

I've mentioned some of these techniques already. I need a moment to collect my thoughts, can we take a step back and look at the core issue? Or, you know, this is important, so I want to respond appropriately. These stalling tactics are so helpful in convincing your brain and your mind that you are still in control, even if your body is telling you otherwise. It's also really important if you're in a conversation with someone and you're activated, that you stick to the facts as much as you possibly can and not the feelings. Some ways to anchor yourself in the facts is to repeat back what you thought you heard you said, the other person said.

So what I'm hearing is and then repeat what you heard, or so what specifically needs to happen now? Avoid interpreting the other person or person's motives or their emotions. I do not recommend saying things like, well, you sound like you're kind of angry about this, or are you mad at me right now. Or hey, listen, you know, if this is too frustrating for you to deal with, all of that escalates the situation, makes you escalate, makes the other person escalate. Don't interpret other people's feelings, just the facts, like Dragnet. If you're old enough to remember that show and again, don't try to fix everything. Just focus on not making anything worse, that is your job in the moment.

When you are in a situation where you're activated and you cannot exit, you don't have to fix everything. You don't have to fix anything, just don't make it worse, that will be enough. Now, sometimes even you're literally hanging on to your self control for dear life. But you get tearful, you get overwhelmed, and you get angry so let's address that. If you start getting tearful, you can normalize it by saying, you know, I'm getting emotional because this is important to me. Breathe through your nose because this helps stabilize your breathing and slows your mind a little. Keep talking if you can, because sometimes that helps more than stopping even though you're tearing up. If you can keep talking, it may help stop the tears.

Now, if you're getting angry, make sure you uncross your arms because a lot of us start pulling into that defensive arms crossed across the chest, which makes you look more angry than you might even be feeling. This is a great time to lower your voice and slow your speech. Shift to I statements, not you statements. Avoid pointing and keep your hands visible and unclenched. Even on a video call, people can pick this up because your body language will be looser and you won't look tight, which signals anger and aggression or defensiveness. Now if you tend to go in overwhelm when you get triggered. If you can maintain some level of eye contact, even if it's intermittent, don't force it, but don't avoid looking at the other person, even on a Zoom call.

Even if you are completely overwhelmed, maintaining a little bit of intermittent eye contact will signal to the other person that you're still in control of your emotions. Another way to help with that is to ask, can I ask you to repeat the main question. Or so what is the most important thing to focus on right now? Even if you don't hear the answer because you're overwhelmed, it will help you normalize the situation and feel like you're behaving in a more professional way. And all of this gets better with practice. Now there are going to be times when you need to get the hell out of there, you need an exit.

You cannot do any of the things that I've been talking about so far. You just need to get the F out. If it's an immediate exit and you can say, hey, you know what, I'm going to grab some water and I'll be right back. Assuming you didn't have that big jug of water with you that I talked about earlier. You can postpone saying, you know what, I'm kind of hitting my emotional limit, can we continue this later today? Or I'm not at my best right now, can we revisit this in an hour or tomorrow? Boundaries without over explaining, I brought that up earlier. In this situation when you just need to get out of there, hey, I'll be more productive after a quick reset.

Recovery phrases when you come back, you don't apologize and you don't explain. You say, hey, thanks for your patience, I'm ready to continue now. Here's the key, clear, simple, direct communication about your needs is so much more professional than running the risk of losing control. But we have this backwards in our heads because we've been told that having needs makes us difficult, you know what, fuck that. Having needs and communicating them clearly is action actually the epitome of professionalism. All right, you ready for the next letter? We are on to the letter C and that stands for clear the air.

So it's happened, you've had an emotional incident in your business. Could be with a client, could be with a vendor, could be with a team member, could be with a potential client, someone you're interviewing, it happens, so what do you do? Well, damage control strategies work best in the first 24 hours, so address it quickly if you possibly can. Don't let shame delay your response, because most of the time, the longer you wait, the bigger this is going to get in your head and the weirder and more awkward it's going to get for the other person or persons.

Take a reality check, ask a trusted colleague or friend. If someone was there, say, hey, how bad was that really? Because oftentimes we think things were way worse than they actually were. Or if there isn't a trusted person who was present, run it by someone that you know will tell you the truth. Triage your response, not every incident needs the same level of response so ask yourself who was directly affected? What business relationships matter most? Was this an isolated incident or part of a pattern and what is the minimum viable response? Your priorities for damage control should be focusing on your key relationships and work continuity.

Like, if your emotional incident is bringing a project to a halt, work needs to continue. Also your reputation and your emotional recovery, in that order. So let me say it again, your priorities in the aftermath are prioritizing your key relationships, the continuity of your work, your reputation, and your emotional recovery, in that order. Now, that may sound like it's backwards, well, shouldn't you put your emotional recovery first? And this is where you really need to be honest with yourself and radically accepting of yourself.

Most of us, myself included, if I were to put my emotional recovery first, I would drag that out and that becomes resistance and avoidance really fast. So what we want to do is be strategic, not emotional in our response, wait until you're regulated to respond. But you don't have to be completely recovered, just regulated. Because we go from dysregulated to regulated to resistant and we don't want to miss the opportunity to do some corrective work. So don't overcorrect because you're anxious or embarrassed. Your response should be about addressing what happened, not about making yourself feel or look better through excessive apologizing. That's when we look unprofessional.

What does professional accountability language sound like if you don't have practice with that yet? Well, it comes down to this, one clear acknowledgement, then move on. Here's one I've recommended and know people get good results with. You know what, I did not handle that as well as I would have liked, then take responsibility without groveling. I take responsibility for my reaction. Focus on solutions and next steps. So, here's how I plan to address similar situations moving forward. Do your very best to avoid the ADHD shame spiral. Try not to talk about your ADHD or over explain how the situation happened. You do not need to share your emotional backstory story.

Also, don't ask for reassurance that you're not in trouble or that somebody isn't mad and I know that the last one is hard. But here's the thing, when we over explain, we invite people to have opinions about our ADHD, about our emotional well being, our mental health. So keep it professional, keep it brief and keep it focused on the solution. Before I move on, let me just run through the professional accountability language again. Bing, bang, boom, hey, I didn't handle that as well as I would have liked and I take responsibility for my reaction. So, here's how I plan to address similar situations in the future, that's it.

And if you need to write it down so you have a cheat sheet and practice it before you do your damage control, I highly recommend it because we don't want to risk you getting distracted or going off script. Now sometimes we need to do some rebuilding of our professional relationships because just like we can't always control our emotional reactivity. We have no control over how they react to our behavior. So keep it professional and follow these guidelines. The repair timeline is like this, the immediate is with key people. 1 to 2 weeks, focus on changing your behavior. 1 to 2 months, good interactions will rebuild trust. So it's really a three stage recovery plan.

Just address it with the key people as quickly as you can afterwards, once you regulate it again. Within a couple of weeks of the incident, all you should be focusing on is changing the problem behavior, not talking about it anymore. And over the next couple of months, as you have positive interactions with those who were part of the emotional incident, you are rebuilding your trust with them. If you keep bringing it up, if you keep explaining or referencing it or apologizing for it, you're not letting any of you move on.

So let time and changed behavior speak for you. Show up as prepared as possible. Handle similar situations differently. Don't keep bringing it up. And if you need to have direct conversations with high value relationships, once you've addressed it once directly, you move on. If it's a more casual relationship, just let it go. I know it's going to bug you, but just let it go. If it's a casual relationship, you don't need to have a conversation.

Just move on and let your behavior speak for you. Now I have to bring up an uncomfortable truth, some relationships don't recover. Some people have very low tolerance for emotional reactivity, you can't change them. I strongly recommend you don't chase people who have written you off. It's really a waste of energy and will only make you feel worse about what happened. Focus your energy on the people who haven't written you off and they will be the majority, this is your business.

Not everyone is going to be able to go the distance with you and I'm talking clients, customers, vendors, team members, colleagues, collaborators. Not everybody is going to be able to go the distance with you, including other neurodivergent people and that's okay. Your job is to learn from these experiences and do better, not to convince everyone to hang with you. We're coming up to the last letter now, and that is evolve your system. This is my favorite because it really keeps the focus on the future when we tend to ruminate about the past and how we screwed up and embarrassed ourselves and yada yada yada.

But evolving your system is basically building your emotional regulation toolkit. So the last space framework, letter E. Evolve your system means setting up your business so incidents like this happen less often in the future You're going to need four types of tools, prevention, in the moment, recovery, and customization. Let me walk you through them. Prevention tools are things like morning routines so you start your day regulated. Transition rituals when you context switch, you need to prepare for what you're doing next.

Modifying your environment, so what helps you start the day regulated? What helps you transition between different types of work? How can you set up your workspace to support your nervous system? That's what I'm talking about with prevention tools. Then there are the in the moment tools I think of as the emotional first aid. Those are your breathing techniques, those are your cognitive scripts that I gave you. Those are your grounding exercises. We covered a bunch of them earlier. You don't need to write them down because when we get to the end of this, I'm going to tell you about a resource that you can get from me so you don't forget any of this.

But you do need to practice these when you're not activated so they are available to you when you need them. Then there are the recovery tools, I'm talking physical movement, rest, nutrition, sleep, emotional tools like grounding, even crying, affirmations. Then there are social recovery tools like connecting with people who get it and can maybe even help you find the humor. And cognitive recovery tools like reframing and reality testing. If you've done any CBT, you probably have a workbook around somewhere. That's where you're going to find those and then customization.

Hey listen, nothing works for everybody, so figure out what works for you. Keep it simple, test it first. Always honor your lifestyle and sensory preferences and needs because what works for someone else might make you want to claw your eyes out. That's fine, find your own tools. I hope that some of them I've shared today will work for you but if not, keep looking. Because every one of us needs an emotional recovery and prevention toolkit. There are business systems that actually work better for ADHD brains and that can go a long way towards helping you stay regulated and out of emotional outburst territory. Things like communication protocols, agendas in advance for client calls.

Even if it's just bullet points or written follow up conversations. Like a template that you have after the conversation, you just customize it and send it out. Clear expectations and deadlines that are spelled out, not assumed and built in buffer time for you to process. These are things that can be built in as systems and into your business meeting structures like if you can have morning meetings as much as possible. Most of us have better executive functioning earlier in the day. If that's not true for you, adjust accordingly, shorter Meetings A lot of us tap out after 45 minutes, so don't schedule two hour meetings if you want to stay emotionally regulated.

One on one might work better for you than group. If you're discussing anything that's emotionally loaded or triggering for you and then Time to process before responding, I strongly recommend building that into your communication cadence. Feedback systems request written feedback whenever possible so you can process it without your nervous system being in the room. Time to process before responding, make this part of how you work across the board and a clear framework for what kind of feedback you need from others and when will go a long way to keeping you regulated.

Then there are workflow supports like task prioritization support, whether that's working with a coach, an assistant, or an app. Protected time with fewer interruptions for when you need to do deep work. Regular check ins on larger projects so that you don't wait till the last minute to discover there's a problem or you don't have enough time to finish. Environmental I love a standing desk. It just gives me the chance to move around more, maintain my energy and maintain my emotional regulation. Natural lighting if at all possible, noise canceling headphones are a big one for a lot of people.

Whatever your sensory needs are to stay regulated, honor them. You're not being a special snowflake, you're honoring the way your brain is wired. And then technology, things like calendar reminders, the ability to record client calls with permission of course, so that you're not trying to remember everything in real time. Using Fathom has literally changed my life and my business because I don't have to try to remember everything anymore. Whatever tech actually helps instead of just adding more complexity. And if you've adopted something that was supposed to make things simpler and you're just frustrated, get rid of it.

Here's what I want you to remember, these are business practices that remove barriers so your skills can shine through. And plenty of neurotypical business owners use the same systems, we just need to use them more. There's one more thing I want to bring up, and that's whether to disclose your ADHD in your business. It comes up a lot, and a lot of people ask me about it. Do you tell your clients about your ADHD? It's optional, but if you decide to do it, here's my take context, not excuse. If you think it's worthwhile to tell your clients or your team members that you have ADHD, here's how you can do it.

Proactive disclosure hey, I have ADHD and sometimes I need some accommodations around feedback, that just frames it as information, not really disclosure. What you don't want to say is oh hey, sorry about my outburst, it's my ADHD because then they think you're making excuses. So, focus on solutions, not limitations like this I want to deliver great work for you and here's what works best for me. That is powerful. Sorry, I can't help it, it's my ADHD, not so much. You do not owe anyone disclosure of your diagnosis, but if sharing it helps you set up better working relationships, which can include a little bit of understanding and grace for emotional moments, that can be very strategic, just make sure you're doing it from a place of strength and not shame.

So, let's bring this home, managing emotions in your business is not about becoming someone else, it's about becoming the most skillful version of yourself. Your ADHD brain is intense, sensitive, and reactive. That's also the source of your creativity, your empathy, and your ability to connect with people in ways that neurotypical people struggle to do. So, the goal is not canceling your emotions, the goal is to get better at spotting your patterns before you're in a crisis, pausing long enough to choose how to respond, acting in ways that align with your values even when you're activated, clearing the air without spiraling into shame, and evolving your systems so your business actually supports your brain. That is the Space Framework.

This is learnable, I promise you but start with one thing, just one. Maybe it's just observing your patterns this week. Maybe it's writing down three verbal pauses to use on your next difficult call. Maybe it's finally putting a water bottle and filling it on your desk before a series of client calls. Just one thing you can build from there. And hey, I've given you a lot of information over the last 30 minutes. And let's face it, ADHD brains don't retain information all that well so, let's do this. I created a PDF that captures the Space Framework with practical examples that make this episode not just memorable, but practical. And all you have to do to grab your copy is to click the link in the show notes and hey, you've got this.