On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about the powerful difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion and why it matters in how we move through the world.

I share a personal story about my mixed media art piece that I created for “The Mothership” Exhibition - in honor of my mother on the 45th anniversary of her murder - and how watching strangers interact with my work revealed, in real time, the shift from sympathy to empathy and beyond.

We explore:

- How sympathy creates distance

- How empathy helps us feel ‘with’ someone

- How compassion asks, “How can I help?” and moves us to act

I also offer a few simple ways you can start building your own compassion muscle - for others, yourself, animals, and for all the beings that may be suffering in this wild world we’re all sharing.

KAREN KENNEY BIO:

Karen Kenney is a writer, speaker, podcaster, certified spiritual mentor, and coach.

She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-bullshit approach to spirituality, self​-development, and transformational work.

Karen helps people to navigate this whole “being human” experience using practical tools, universal principles and stories, and a variety of resources.

KK has been a yoga teacher for 25+ years, has been giving Thai Yoga Massage since 2008, and began teaching it in 2015.

She's also a Gateless Writing Instructor, the creator of Write Club, and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

She coaches clients individually in her 1:1 program THE QUEST and via her HEART-TO-HEART DAYS using Voxer. She also leads a group program and community called THE NEST.

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

Website: http://karenkenney.com/

Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney

It's the Karen Kenney show.

Hey you guys. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super

duper excited to be here with you. Oh my god, on this

beautiful day, and I wanted to share, let's just dive right

into this sucker. I wanted to share a little story with you of

something that happened, and I want to share it with you,

because this thing that happened got me thinking. It got me

thinking, it got me feeling, it got me thinking about other

people, and it also got me thinking about my own behavior.

And so, as usual, I'm going to start with a little story, and

then we're going to, we're going to dive into how this all

applies to us collectively, right, as a people, for you

individually, to maybe do some considering about my whole thing

with the Karen Kenney show is I maybe I should make the

assumption, but I do kind of make the assumption that if

you're listening to this sucker, It's because either you're a

loyal listener and you dig the show, you love the show, and I

really appreciate that, but you're the kind of person who

wants to kind of take a look at themselves, that you have some

depth, that you're curious, that you're a lifelong learner, that

you don't want to walk around being an asshole, right, like a

selfish asshole caught up in our own stuff, right? We're curious

about transformation and learning and growing and

discovering and all that stuff. Okay, so whether it's self

development or transformation work, spiritual work, whatever

you want to call it, you're just curious about what it is to be a

human being and and how you can, you know,

really show up as your truest self and your best self, and it

doesn't mean we don't still fuck up and we don't make mistakes,

and none of us are perfect, okay, but we have a desire to

show up as the love that we are, and sometimes we're clumsy and

sometimes we blow it. But you might be very new here. Maybe

somebody sent you to listen to the show. And if you're new

here, welcome. I'm so happy to have you. And if you don't like

this, this show or this episode, I mean, that's the beautiful

thing of being an adult, is you don't have to listen. You can

just be like out of here. See you later. But thank you for

giving it a shot and giving it a try. I am not everybody's cup of

tea. Okay, so here's the here's the deal. If you listen to last

week's episode, I was telling you that whole great story, that

Kismet story of how I got asked to be a part of an art show, and

it's called, it's called the mothership, the art show. I'm

only telling you that because it's needed in context for this

story. It's called the mothership, and the fact that

it's happening in May of 2026 was a really big deal that I was

invited to submit a piece on mother in the month of May. So

as many of you know, if you're a friend of mine, or if you're a

loyal listener, you know, my mother was murdered when I was

12 years old in the month of May, May 7, 1981 so this year

2026 is her 45th it's the 45th anniversary of her death, but

within a two week period of time, it's basically like the

anniversary of my mother's death. It's the anniversary of

my mother and my stepfather's wedding. It is my mother's

birthday. It's Mother's Day, like all like May is like mom

month. You know what I'm saying. So the fact that I got offered

an opportunity to do something around this concept or idea of

mother or the mother ship, or mother ring, Mother Nature, the

whole thing was just really, really beautiful, divine timing.

And because it's the 45th anniversary, I wanted to do

something special. I didn't know what that was going to look

like, right? I have my yearly rituals. I have my annual things

that I always do, but with this being, like a big anniversary, I

was like, Oh, I hope I can do something, you know, a little

extra cool or extra special, and and

then all of a sudden, I got this, I got this opportunity to

do that, so I'm pretty excited. So okay, but here's the thing,

the show is running from May 1 to, like around May 30, right?

So last Friday, this past Friday, May 1,

we you know, the wall, the installations went up, the

artwork went up. It's 14 different artists. So everybody

has such different ideas around this concept, which is so cool.

And I was able to be at the at the gallery. So the show, for

those of you who are local, Concord, New Hampshire, it's at

the 11th letter writing gallery. It's 146 North Main street

downtown, right downtown, and you'll see it. It's like, right

next door to the old runner's alley. Now marathon sports, it's

like right there. So please come see the show. And this Friday

May 8, which is the day after the anniversary of my mother's

death, is when we are having the opening reception from 5:30pm to

7:30pm if you're local, I would love to see you come hang.

Out, see the art, meet the artist, talk to us, like all the

stuff. Okay, so here's the thing that happened. I'm going to get

into the story now. So I was there. We had put the INS my

pieces, like a mixed media piece installation. So that piece,

like, goes up and the doors open, and all the other like

that. Everybody, you know, everybody's artwork is all over

the walls. It's fantastic. So I, I was there towards the end of

the day, like, probably from like 630 to eight or whatever,

and I was hanging out with Jocelyn Wynn, who owns the

space. She owns the gallery, and some folks came in off the

street because it was, like downtown, like in town. Conced

It was their first Friday. So the first Friday of the month,

from like may to, I think it's November, they have like events,

and some of the shops are open later and whatever. So it was a

lot. There was like live music going on. There was all kinds of

events, all kinds of things happening on the surrounding

streets. So people were like wandering in, and at one point I

was just sitting there, you know, or standing there talking

to Jocelyn, and these people came in, and they're, like,

looking around the gallery. They're looking, they're reading

the different artists statements, like all this stuff,

and then they come up to my piece. Now, of course, they have

no idea. I mean, they you would have had to kind of look kind of

closely to make the connection between, like, the pictures on

my piece, and, like, turning around and seeing me and going,

Oh yeah, like, that's the artist. Really, that's the

person. But so it was really interesting. And I don't want to

tell you exactly what my piece is, because I want you to come

and see it. But for those of you who are not local, if you want

to see it at some point, let me know, and I'll send you some

pictures after the show comes down, or I'll put it on my

Facebook page, or whatever. You can go check it out. But what

was really interesting is that my piece is really like, How can

I describe it? Think of it as like a trailer, or not even a

teaser. But like, you know how there's a trailer to a movie,

there's like a preview, like a Movie Preview. This is like a

preview to, like the opening chapters, like of my book. So

this is like a nod, obviously, to my mother's story, her life

story, her death story, and then me becoming a writer and so, and

that's what I'll kind of like say. So it's this pretty cool

installation piece, but you have to be curious, like you have to

lean in, like you have to read this thing and, like, look at

the pictures and connect the dots. It's about kind of being

like a detective, in a way. So these folks came in. One guy

sat's reading my artist statement, and these two women

are kind of looking at this thing, and there's, you know,

everything in this writing in this gallery in particular, it's

not a normal, quote, unquote, like, like, Art Gallery. It's a

writing gallery. So any piece of art that is hanging in this

place has to have some sort of text or words or writing in it,

like, that's what makes it so cool. There's, I've never heard

or seen of any other person having a writing gallery. So

kudos to to Jocelyn, because this is wicked goal. So you

know, there's pictures in my piece, there's words in my

piece, but you have to, like, like, again, be curious, lean in

and read it, start to connect the dots. So these women are

looking at it, and they just read this one thing on my piece,

and they just go, like, oh. And they suck their teeth, and

they're like, this is awful, or this is too bad, or whatever

they're saying. Now, again, I'm behind them, Jocelyn is looking

at me, and I'm just like watching them watch my piece,

and it's such a trip. It's a really weird thing. I imagine

it's what it's like when you know if you're an actor or

whatever, and you're kind of incognito, and you're in a movie

theater watching people and responding to your work, but

like, they don't know that you're in the room. So I'm just

kind of standing there watching them take it in. And I'm just

fascinated. I will say this about myself. You know, even

when my sweetie, my sweetie, my husband, right, is a

professional musician, and even when he's up on stage doing a

show, I love watching him do his craft and perform and all of

that, that's amazing number one. But one of my favorite, like, my

second favorite thing about a big show like that is watching

people react to the band, the music, his artistry, his

singing, like, all this stuff like that. To me, is so much fun

to look around and see the connection of like, of how

they're feeling and how they're experiencing the show, right?

Like, that's one of my favorite things. So watching people

interact with things I find fascinating. So I'm standing

there and I'm watching them, and they're kind of like, oh, this

is awful. Not that my piece was awful, but what they were seeing

and reading whatever, but there was, like, This detachment to

it, right? And I found this so fascinating. And they were just

like, Oh, yeah. And, you know, like it's like when you watch

the news. I've talked about this before, but one of the things

that happens when we're in a society, when so much crazy shit

happens every day, or so much awful shit is going down, or,

you know, right now, it's a pretty intense time to be alive

every new day is another thing we're.

You're just heartbroken or devastated or fucking horrified

or whatever, right? And so it can be really easy to just do

that teeth sucking thing where you look at the TV and you see

this awful news story about whatever, right, war, famine,

loss, rape, murder, whatever, just children suffering, animal

suffering, the planet, right, whatever's going on. And it's

really easy for us to just kind of go,

like, suck our teeth and go, Oh, that's too bad, and to get a

little numb, to get a little numb to like, what's going on,

to not really lean in or interact. And I understand that

sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, right? You feel

like you're being bombarded with too much bad news all at once.

But again, to relate to this story. So I see these people

kind of looking at this thing, and they're acknowledging it,

but I also get on a certain level that they're not quite

getting it. So then this really interesting things happens. So

Jocelyn looks over at me and says, Can I tell them? And I

said, Yeah. And so Jocelyn goes, this is her, this is the artist.

And they're like, oh. And then I point to a couple. They're like,

Oh, this number, this figure, it's something that's on on my

art piece, right? And I lean forward and I go, yeah. And

Jocelyn says, this is, like the introduction to her book. This

is like a trailer for her book, like a teaser, like an in, you

know, these chapters. And they're like, oh. And then I

lean and I go, this right. Here is my mother. I go, and that's

me. And they go, oh. And you guys, when I tell you, like,

boom, I snap my fingers, like, boom. Immediately, they get

wicked curious. They lean in. They actually start interacting

with the piece they're reading it now, while this is going on

with those two women, the other guy starts talking to us, so I'm

kind of now engaging with him, and he's talking about a short

story he wrote, whatever. But I can hear the women, right?

Because writers are, yeah,

writers are some of the best e drop is on the planet. So while

I'm kind of listening to this guy, well, they were really,

like, they were Jocelyn, and he were talking, and I was kind of

standing there, but I was listening to the women,

and I could tell, like, now they're really engaging with it,

and they're reading things to each other, and they're

commenting. And their whole energy, their whole vibe shifts.

Their emotions start to get engaged, and I realize I'm like,

oh, so what was the moment when things change and just stay with

me. Stay with me here, if you're listening, because this is going

to matter in a minute. I'm like, what changed? And I'm like, Oh,

the second that it got personal, the second that they could see

that this thing wasn't just something outside of them or

separate, that there was a real human being attached to that

story, and that human being was right in front of them. I was

like, oh, so as soon as it became personal, they could

attach it to a person that like, looked like them, right, that

they could maybe relate to. Then everything changed, and it

stopped. It stopped just being a teeth sucking, like, Oh, too

bad. And being like, oh. And it got me to thinking about today's

topic, which I'm calling like, the difference between sympathy,

empathy and compassion. Now I can't speak for you because I'm

not you, but I can say for me that I have journeyed through

each of these different things, right, sympathy, empathy and

compassion, and I have seen myself in relation to places and

things and people and situations and how I may or may not

respond, and one of the things I'm definitely trying to do

while I'm still alive on the planet is always to expand my

capacity for compassion, because it's different than empathy and

sympathy. And I think that we're not always taught what the

difference is we don't understand or we can't feel,

necessarily, because we don't know. And I just thought this is

a really powerful opportunity to learn, because once we learn

this, we can't unlearn it or unsee it, and it will change our

lives if we are willing to pay attention and to practice this

stuff. So I wanted to share this with you, because I saw it in

real time, and the example I just gave you about the women,

and as soon as it became personal, they changed. It's

because they changed a state. They went from sympathy to

empathy to compassion, and it was very powerful to see it

happen right before my eyes in real time. And I think once I'm

done kind of explaining this or sharing this with you, and you

might already know all the differences, and that's great,

but look at repetition is the mother of all learning. And we

can all, we could all use, I think, an opportunity to grow

our compassion muscle. So for those of you who are listeners,

I'm going.

Talk about this, but for the watches at home, because I know

a lot of you watch on YouTube. Well, I shouldn't say a lot, but

some of you watch on YouTube. I'm gonna also hold up a little

graphic from Susan David that's gonna show you the difference

between these because some of us are audio like verbal learners.

Some of us we learn by seeing, and some of us learn by doing.

Some of us are all three, okay? So here's the difference. So

sympathy is when you feel pity towards another person's

misfortune, you might feel sorrow towards their their

misfortune. So you can, kind of, like, get a sense of like, what

the other person like. You feel pity for them. Let me put it

that way. Okay, you feel pity for them. So I'm going to just

try to make these first introductions pretty small.

Empathy is a feeling and understanding of another

person's emotions, like what they're going through, what

they're experiencing, as if it was our own. So you can feel

what a person is feeling. Sympathy is again, feeling pity

or sorrow for somebody, for their misfortune, their

situation, whatever's happened to them. But empathy is when we

can actually feel it as if it's our own suffering, our own

situation. Compassion, and I'm going to keep going through

these in different ways, because I learned through repetition. So

hopefully this is helpful for you too. Compassion, though, is

more than just a feeling. Compassion is the action

oriented desire to actually alleviate somebody else's

suffering. So where sympathy you might have again pity or sorrow

for the suffering, empathy is when you can feel it as if it's

your own suffering. Compassion is the action kind of base form

of this where you have a desire inside of you to alleviate their

suffering. It is the willingness to relieve another person's

suffering, or an animal suffering, or whatever, and

that's a really big distinction. So sympathy is when we feel for

somebody else. Empathy is when we feel with them, right?

Compassion is when we act to help.

Now, I don't know about you, but whenever I get this refresher,

I'm like, Oh yeah, that is so good to remember. And it also

explains to me,

like, more clearly, it gives me an insight into myself, more and

more and more, why I love to be a problem solver. It kind of

clicked in for me when I was thinking about this. It's like,

Oh, I like to be a problem solver because I'd like to take

action because I cannot stand to bear like i It's not that I

can't bear it. I can bear it, and I have beared it, and I will

bear it, but I don't like it like I can't, oh, I can't stand

when other beings and other people are suffering. Now I also

have learned over my 57 plus years heading towards 58

that sometimes we can't alleviate another person's

suffering. To take away their suffering, takes away their

capacity to understand that they can help themselves, that they

can't do it. So it doesn't make sense. It's like idiot

compassion sometimes when you just try to swoop in and fix

everything for everybody, and you rob them of the opportunity

to understand who they are and what they're capable of. But I

also don't believe in watching somebody suffer needlessly, if I

can do something to help now I'm not talking about right. There

are times when, let's just say somebody's in the throes of

addictions or whatever, like you can't make it so that other

people don't I always say, we can't rob people from the

opportunity right to learn about themselves. I think we do them a

disservice, and we cannot save people from the consequences of

being themselves sometimes, okay. So sympathy is when you

feel for somebody else. Empathy is when you feel along with

them, right, like you get it. Compassion is when you act to do

something about it and to help. So sympathy is a reaction.

Empathy is more about that connection piece, right? But

compassion is a solution. Compassion is when we look at

something and we want to do something about it. So for

example, let's say those women were like, looking at my piece,

and they saw one of the things on my piece that said, I'm being

vague on purpose, but it says something, right? Then they

might feel motivated to go, Oh, my God, that statistic is

horrible. I want to do something about that. Maybe I can

volunteer. Maybe I can learn more about violence against

women or whatever the thing is, right? It's like we feel

compelled to act when we are showing true compassion. And so

I'm going to dive into these a little bit deeper. Because

again, I like to like, I really like to drive a point home. I

don't say these things because I think you're stupid, dear

listener. I just know my own knucklehead. And sometimes I

like to get different examples. So again, think of sympathy as

pity. And.

Empathy is understanding and compassion is action, okay? But

with the thing, with sympathy, what it does is sympathy kind of

creates a little bit of distance. So when you have

feeling for somebody else, like they're going through something

awful, it's like watching the news, and you just go, oh, isn't

that so awful, right? So you might have a feeling for, I'm

doing little quotes for somebody, but it's usually with

a little bit of pity, or there's a little bit of distance between

the two of you, like you're not you're not close. And this is

kind of like in real life, we might like, let's say, Send,

like, a sympathy card or an empathy card, a condolence card,

like, if somebody dies, you just send the card. So it indicates

that you give a shit. It indicates that you care. But it

doesn't mean that you're, like, getting in the ring with them

and like sharing the emotion with them. It's just like you're

acknowledging it. Okay? Empathy is when we have that true

understanding, and it involves, like, taking a perspective of

what it would be like to be in their shoes, right? You feel

along with them, and I'm sure like you have experienced this

in your own life, right? It's like being it's like putting

yourself in somebody else's shoes, or you feel it in your

own skin, what it's like to be in that situation and what

they're going through. And I love this little piece here. It

says, what empathy does is it fuels connection, whereas

sympathy can sometimes feel distant. Empathy doesn't always

lead to action, but empathy is a really good bridge towards

compassion. That's like the beginning step of compassion is

having that understanding. But here's the thing that happens,

and maybe you've experienced this yourself,

especially in the caring professions. So whether that's

therapists, psychologists, nurses,

hospice workers, whatever, right? EMTs, police, whatever,

when you are in the service business, when you're in the

caring profession,

you can oftentimes end up with empathetic distress. So like,

you get overwhelmed because or social workers, right? That's a

perfect example. A lot of times you're involved in these systems

of care where you're trying to help others, but it just feels

hopeless. It feels like, Oh my God, I feel all this empathy,

but I don't have the power to change their situation, I don't

have the ability to take action on their behalf. There's nothing

I can do. So you just bombarded on a daily basis of deep, deep,

deep feeling, right? This is why, when people say, Oh, it's

so hard to be alive, because I'm an empath. I think we're all

empaths. I think we're all empathetic. I mean, unless

you're like a serial killer or have, you know, a sociopath, and

you don't have feeling towards others, right? But we can end up

in a place where we have empathetic distress. Another key

interesting thing about empathy, though, is it often is self

oriented, right? It's like we're focusing on how we might feel in

that situation where compassion is really other oriented. So

let's jump to compassion now again. So compassion is like so

where empathy is sharing the feelings of others like you can

feel it along with them. Compassion is when you have a

wish to help them.

I love this. When you have a wish to make a difference, when

you have a wish, like, I always say, like, wherever you go, may

your presence, your energy, your love, be a blessing. May you

being there, may it leave people differently than how you found

them. Something occurs in that where you take maybe some sort

of action, where you are a helper, right? So it goes beyond

compassion. Goes beyond empathy. It goes beyond just

understanding, okay, it's you wanting to actively, somehow,

some way, alleviate the suffering. So it's often I love

this. I wrote this down. Compassion is often described as

empathy in action, and where compassion is proactive and

rewarding, it encourages pro social actions to help others

also listen to this statistic, compassion is often seen by the

ones who are suffering as more helpful helpful than empathy

alone, because it involves actively addressing needs, and

studies indicate that compassion training reduces negative

emotions and increases positive ones, because there's often a

negative effect when it's just empathy alone, again and again

and again and again. So while empathy can often lead us to

feeling, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but maybe

you feel like drained or a little overwhelmed by other

people's pain, compassion offers kind of a built in,

like protective mechanism, because you're focusing on

solutions, right? And that's what I love about being a

problem solving and saying, Okay, this is my situation. I'm

like, Okay, how can we help that whole thing? How can I help? Is

really.

Really, really a big question to ask. So when we think about

these again, sympathy, empathy and compassion, sympathy is

about having pity for it's very low action. It can feel

distance. And an example of this might be like, I'm sorry for

your loss. Okay, if I'm giving you an example, empathy is a

feeling with it has more moderate action, and it

establishes more of a deep connection. And you might say

something like, with empathy, I understand your pain, okay,

where compassion, the focus is on helping, like doing

something, the action is action oriented, so it's a high level

of action. And your question might be, how can I help? So

that really distinguishes it. It's not just again. It's not

just going, Oh, that's too bad, or sucking our teeth, or saying,

Yeah, I can understand. It's, what can I do about this? And

that's like, such a powerful, powerful thing. Now I'm going to

hold up now the graphic detail. This is the visual that I love.

This is from Susan David, a fantastic writer, and it says

what sympathy, empathy and compassion look like. So in the

first frame, it's just an individual, which we'll just

say, that's you, okay? So sympathy, if you're listening to

this and you're not watching, I'll explain what's happening.

So there's a little green guy, and there's a little pink

person, and the little pink person. It's a little shape.

It's a triangle, okay, just, we'll call it. A person is

sitting inside of a circle all by itself, and the green guys

outside it just kind of looking down at them, and it says,

basically, sympathy says, I'm sorry you're in pain. And it's

distant. It's outside the circle.

Empathy shows the little green guy stepping one foot inside the

circle with the little pink triangle.

They're really cute, actually. And this one says, I can

practice perspective taking by imagining what this pain might

feel like. And it's a more shared experience. And the

compassionate circle, it's so cute. The little green guy is

wrapping his arms around the little pink person. It's like,

it's like a little bit of a love hug, but they're both inside the

circle. And what compassion says is us suffering, and I will do

what I can to help. And this one is connected and action

oriented. It's so fantastic. I'm gonna like, I hope you just pop

on to see this. Susan, David, it's a great thing, and it's

about emotional agility, having the emotional agility to

understand where you are in this context. Are you somebody who's

only capable, usually, of showing sympathy? Are you

somebody who's overwhelmed because you're so empathetic?

Are you somebody who actually gets in the ring and tries to do

something to help. And one of the things I think we can take a

look at this is going back to the art story, and these people

viewing my art and viewing my story from a distance. It wasn't

until they acknowledged me and saw me as a real person that

they could relate to what was going on up on my art piece, and

that's when they leaned in, is when they made it personal to

what not just personal meaning it was them, but they put it to

an actual person standing in front of them. And it got me to

thinking about like, how sometimes people can't feel

empathy, they can't feel compassion, they might not even

feel sympathy, because they don't care about it until it

becomes personal, like until it affects them. Now, we saw this

in Nazi Germany. We saw this in the Holocaust. We see it all the

time around us with racism and misogyny and sexism and wars and

stuff like that, where we stand apart from it, and we're like,

Oh, yeah. And we don't actually start to give a shit until it

starts to knock on your door and threaten you and your family.

And then we see all that my kids, my family, my whatever,

and it's like, yeah, but it's not just your kids, your

whatever, your family. It's all of us, right? And sometimes,

until it becomes personal, or until a person experiences it

themselves. They're not worried about it, they don't think about

it, they don't want to do anything about it, and they

certainly don't feel moved by it. And I think of this often,

like I've had people say to me right over time,

and I give them credit for acknowledging it, but a lot of

times, people can't feel those things or understand those

things, because they'll say, I hadn't gone through it. And

they'll say to me, I've had people say to me, until I lost

my beloved dog, until I lost my beloved pet, my furry kid,

right? My animal, that was like my guy, my person, my, you know,

my being. I had no idea, and they said to me, I had somebody

say to me, I was often a little bit flippant with people, and

they'd say, it's just an animal, it's just a cat, it's just a

dog. And they're like, until I lost my own and realized the

amount of grief that I experienced. Some people will

say to me, I had no idea. You know, I used to look at my

friend and be like, Oh.

Oh, my God, can you just get over it already? Or they'd roll

their eyes at somebody saying, like, oh, you know what? Your

mother died, like this long ago, your father died, or your grand

it was just a grandparent. They were old, right? All the stupid

shit that humans say, and then they'll say, I didn't realize

until I went through my own loss, just how debilitating that

kind of grief can be. I can't believe how affected I am, and

it's unfortunate that a lot of us are built that way, where you

know you can't really feel something or understand

something, and so you go through it yourself. So this episode is

an is an invitation to say, like, don't wait for that. We

have to practice building our compassion muscle, and some of

the things that we can kind of look out for, right is notice.

Here's some things to notice. I wrote these down so I wouldn't

forget. Notice when you judge or minimize other people's

suffering.

Notice when you look at somebody else's suffering and you say

things like, it was just a dog, it was just a cat. That happened

so long ago, I wouldn't be that upset about that, because here's

the thing, they're not you.

Everybody responds to things differently. Everybody's

capacity for being able to get through things right? That's

where those all those old sayings like, pull yourself up

by your Bootstrap, get over it already. Blah, blah, blah,

right? It's like we don't get to determine or judge another

person's process for suffering and grief. It doesn't matter if

we would handle it differently, or we wouldn't let that affect

us, or we wouldn't do that that's very self oriented, so

notice when you judge or minimize the suffering of

others.

Notice when you dismiss your own suffering,

when you kind of roll your eyes or make fun of yourself or blow

it off, or you condemn yourself, because I should be over this by

now. This shouldn't be such a big deal.

So notice these things right, when you diminish or judge other

suffering, and when you dismiss your own also, though, notice

when compassion comes like more easily for you? Is it more

easily towards animals? Is it more easily towards old people

or babies? Because I'll tell you this, if we see an old person

fall down or a child fall down, most people are much quicker to

react than if you just see another human being. It's almost

as if our suffering isn't on the outside. If it's not right in

your face, we can't empathize or have compassion for

we might actually actively turn away. I don't want to get

involved,

so notice when your compassion comes easily, and notice when it

doesn't. These are great things to like, pay attention to. Okay,

also,

I noticed, I know this because it's somebody who has lived with

irritable bowel syndrome for a really long time who has an

affliction or disorder or whatever that you can't see on

the outside, and all kinds of people are walking around with

illnesses or diseases or situations that we can't see on

the outside. We don't know that somebody just lost their mother,

we don't know that somebody just got an awful diagnosis. We don't

know that somebody's going through a divorce or a breakup.

We don't know that somebody just lost their job, etc, etc. We

shouldn't have to have people walking around with signs or

thought bubbles above their head announcing their grief, their

suffering, whatever, for us to have compassion for each other,

this is a muscle that we really need to grow. You know, I

believe this. You know, when I look back and I think about and

again, I know I talk about them all the time. But when I think

about like, you know, go all the way, go, go down through

spirituality and religion, go back to Jesus and how much

compassion Jesus had for others. You can look at Mother Tracy.

You can look at all kinds of saints and mystics and sages,

right? But we can also look at like, more modern day mystics,

like, I look at Bob Ross I look at Mr. Rogers, right? They were

trying to teach us from a very young age to have compassion,

right? For for each other, for ourselves, for animals, for our

environment, right? They were, they were like the powerhouses

of compassion. So seriously, go back. Watch yourself some Mr.

Rogers episodes. Listen to Bob Ross right, like put it in the

background, listen to them talking to you. It's so

important. And so this is a question. So this is a question

that I have for you. Why do people have to be showing

distress to earn our empathy and compassion?

Or why do we have to have a personal connection to someone

or a personal connection to a cause

to care about it,

and I can't answer it for you. These are personal questions

that I'm putting out to you that because I asked myself these

questions too. These are things that I like bounce around in my

head. You know? Why do people have to show.

Distress. Why can't we just naturally extend compassion? So

I highly encourage you, if you want to grow that compassion

muscle, to go through those things of noticing when the ones

I just listed a moment ago, right? But also, if you go back

to Episode 243,

I did a whole episode on loving kindness, a loving kindness

meditation. It's a powerful meditation. You can also just do

something really simple, of setting an intention of

compassion when you first wake up in the morning, like, I'm

going to move to the world with more compassion. People don't

need to be suffering and down, you know, down like they don't

have to be unhoused and standing on the corner for me to have

compassion for them, people don't have to be outwardly

expressing their suffering in order for me to care. I can just

move to the world with kind of an assumption that most people

are going through something, and so I'm naturally going to

practice trying to extend compassion and loving kindness

towards them, right? That's what Metsa is. Metsa loving kindness,

you know. And we can develop our compassion like a muscle every

time you sit down to do your DSP, your daily spiritual

practice, you can set the intention of increasing your

compassion for others and for yourself.

We set the intention so that our daily spiritual practices are

not just self serving, that they have, you know, connection to

others beyond ourselves, that they go out more globally. And

we can even start with just a simple meditation of setting the

intention that you want to grow your compassion. And you feel

like, I always say, like a beautiful ball of golden light

or a pink light, or a white light, or whatever light makes

you happy, emanating from your heart. And first it just kind of

covers you and your whole self, and then it emanates out and

maybe starts to cover the people within your home, your furry

kids, your human kids, your sweetie, whatever. You can just

imagine it growing. And then you can imagine this golden light

reaching out to your family and your friends,

and imagine that they can feel the love that you're extending.

They can feel the compassion that you're extending. And then

you can extend it. It's very similar to like a loving

kindness, Medicaid meditation. And then you can extend it to,

you know, people you love. And then you can extend it out a

little bit wider. Then you can eventually extend it out to

people that maybe you have a disagreement with,

maybe people you actively don't like. And just imagine them

receiving that golden light. Imagine that golden light

extending from your heart to theirs right and just imagine

how different the world would be if we were all extending that

compassion to each other all the time.

I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's not hard,

because actively, we have preferences and personalities

and just people we don't necessarily love or like,

but

it's so helpful for us to like, get it out there. And remember,

compassion is paired with action. It asks the question,

How can I help? It goes beyond just, Oh, that's too bad. It

goes it goes into being action oriented, right? Wanting to

actually do something to alleviate the suffering of

others. What can I do? How can I help? It's one of the first

questions I try to ask. You know, when we have a nest call

or whatever, I'll get on the call and I'll say, okay, how can

I help? How can I be helpful? Right? That that is my great

desire, one of my great desires in this lifetime. So you guys, I

hope this was helpful to you in some way. If you're listening to

this, you're probably, if you're listening to this on the first

day that it comes out, you were listening on May 7, 19. No, not,

not 19. May 7, 2026, this is the 45th anniversary of my mother's

death. So this is also a little love letter to my mom to be

thinking about compassion, because I really do believe

that, you know, if the guy that killed my mother could have had

more compassion for her as a human being,

then she would still be alive. So this is a really important

thing. It's something that is near and dear to my heart. If

you live locally, you guys and you're able to please come,

please come to the opening reception on Friday May 8 at the

11th letter writing gallery 146 North Main Street in downtown

conkin. 530 to 7:30pm the artist will be there to talk about

their work and to, you know, just to interact with people or

whatever. And I'd love to have you there. So thank you so much

for tuning in. I know this is a little bit of a longer one. I

hope it was helpful in some way. And just know that I super duper

appreciate you for being here. If you can still hear the sound

of my voice, thank you for hanging in there with me and

look wherever you go out in the world. May you leave the people

and the animals and the environment and yourself better

than how you found it wherever you go. May your presence, your

energy, your love and your compassion be a blessing. Bye.

Hey, thanks so much for listening to the show. I really

love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the

show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,

please share it with them and help me to spread the good word

and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my

upcoming shenani.

Begins head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign,

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Bye. You.